08x01 - Seer of Love

[bunniefuu]

Uh-- Um...

No. Uh... [EXHALES]

Please, lady.
While you're deciding,

this watch
is becoming an antique.

Okay. [CHUCKLES] Okay.

I-- I've got
the perfect inscription.

Put, "To Tony,
I cherish our time."

-Perfect.
-[CHUCKLES]

Wait! Wait.

"Cherish" sounds too much
like that song, you know.

[SINGING] ♪ Cherish is the word
I use to describe... ♪

-W-- what do you recommend?
-Voice lessons.

I-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just want this to be perfect.

You see, it's--
it's our seventh anniversary,

and, well, I have this feeling

that Tony is getting me
something special.

Oh, don't worry, lady.

Your husband
is going to love this watch.

Oh, no. [CHUCKLES]
He-- he's not my husband,

although we are very close,
and, uh,

lately we've...
we've grown a lot closer.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

I've told him I really like him.
[CHUCKLES]

And-- and he's told me

he really likes me, too.
[CHUCKLES]

How sweet.
You two meet at camp?

No, this is a lot more serious
than that.

We know how we feel
about each other,

even if it is kind of...
unspoken.

Well, great!
I'll leave the watch blank.

No, no, no, no!
I want to put something.

I've got to say something.
I am tired of it being unspoken.

I-- I mean,
it's time that I tell him

exactly how I feel. [INHALES]

Put...

"It's time I said I love you."

That's spoken, all right.

-Are you sure, now?
-Absolutely.

He is the most wonderful,
kindest,

most understanding man
I have ever known.

Would you hurry up in here?

I'm double-parked
on 47th street!

The car's overheating,
and I just got the worst haircut

-I ever got in my life!
-[ANGELA GASPS]

I don't wanna talk about it!
I just wanna make it home, okay?

So let's move it! Move it!
Move it!

Is that Tony?

No! No.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life
Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

[HUMMING "HABANERA"]

[WHISTLES]

-What are you doing?
-[GASPS]

Origami.

Look, it is a duck.
[IMITATES DUCK QUACKING]

Forget it. There is no way

I am telling you what I bought
for Tony.

[CHUCKLES] If you tell me,
I'll tell you what he got you.

-I got him a watch.
-[CHUCKLES]

-What did he get me?
-Well, I overheard him say

that it was something
you slip on,

and it feels soft
against your skin.

Something soft against my skin
that I slip on.

I wonder what it is.

Dummy. It's got to be lingerie.

-Oh. No.
-[CHUCKLES]

Oh, no, Tony wouldn't.
I mean, it's so personal,

-it's so-- Do you think so?
-[CHUCKLES] Sure.

-First he buys you lingerie...
-All right.

...and then he wants
to see you try it on,

and then he wants
to take it off.

Mother!

Oh, right. I forgot.
That's my life.

-Lingerie, huh?
-Mm-hmm.

Well, now I don't feel so bad

about what I wrote on the back
of the watch.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

"It's time I said I love you."

-This is from you?
-Uh-huh.

-For him?
-Uh-huh.

-From you!
-Yes!

-[SINGING] ♪ Happy days
are here again... ♪
-[SIGHS]

I knew it. I knew it! I knew it!
It's too much. It's too forward.

-It's too much!
-TONY: Hello!

It's too late. [CHUCKLES]
In here!

Close your eyes. [CHUCKLES]

Not you, Mona.

Happy anniversary.

Oh, my... Tony.

-Well, you shouldn't have.
-[TONY CHUCKLES]

-Gee, Mother, what could it be?
-[CHUCKLES]

My goodness, it's...

It's wool.

It's--
it's sheepskin seat covers.

-Huh? Look at that. [CHUCKLES]
-ANGELA: Oh.

Gee, well,
I hardly know what to say.

-Oh--
-How about... [BLEATS]

[CHUCKLES]
You like them, don't you?

Oh, my, yes. [CHUCKLES]

It's just they were
so unexpected.

Well, you know, I remembered
how much you admired mine.

-[CHUCKLES]
-Oh, well, that--

-that's very thoughtful.
-Hey, just think.

Now you don't have to worry
about those sweat stains

-from the leather seats, huh.
[CHUCKLES]
-Yes.

-Gee, thoughtful and romantic.
-[ALL CHUCKLE]

Why don't you open

-Angela's gift?
-Uh, no!

[CHUCKLES]
A-- after seeing your gift,

uh, I think that mine is, uh--

-Uh--
-What? What? What?

Not-- not-- not good enough?

I mean... [CHUCKLES]
...I know I did pretty good

-with the sheepskin, huh?
-ANGELA: Oh. [CHUCKLES]

But, uh, you know,
any little thing

you might have gotten me
will be just fine.

-Really. Honest. Give me.
-Give it to him.

-Give it to him.
-No! No! No!

[CHUCKLES] No, I-- Uh, it's--
it's not complete.

Uh, you see, it-- it came
with an attachment,

and the attachment didn't come.

-I don't care.
-He doesn't care.

I care! [CHUCKLES] I care!

Ah, I just want it
to be perfect, okay?

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

-Are-- are you sure?
-I'm-- I'm sure.

So, an-- anyway, uh, where--
where are we going tonight?

Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Someplace very special to us.

-Really?
-[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

-What-- what should I wear?
-Well, what you--

what you got on is fine, uh,
except maybe--

maybe not those earrings,
'cause you-- you might lose 'em

on the old tilt-a-whirl.
[CHUCKLES]

-Tilt-a-whirl?
-[CHUCKLES]

You're taking her to a carnival?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh.

You were expecting, like,
a fancy dinner or something.

Oh, darn, I blew it!

Aw, and you started off so well
with the sheepskin.

I know, I know! Well, Angela,
I just thought that you'd think

that was sweet, you know.

Remember when I first moved
in here,

we went to the carnival
in the old neighborhood?

We ate cotton candy,
we went on the roller coaster?

Right. I threw up on you.

-You do remember!
-Yeah. I guess--

I guess it would be kind of nice
to relive our first night out.

-Yeah, that's what I th--
-Yeah. You and me,

-up on the Ferris wheel...
-My thoughts exactly.

Hi, guys, we are ready
to hit the midway.

Wait a minute. Wait--
Are-- are you going, too?

-Who are you?
-I'm Fred.

We met in the dorm.

Well, that's where we met
in this lifetime. [CHUCKLES]

Huh?

Fred's into past lives.

Yeah,
your daughter and I were, uh,

lovers in ancient Babylon.
[CHUCKLES]

Fred, does the ancient word
"eunuch" mean anything to you?

Dad,
it was a thousand years ago.

-Let it go.
-TONY: Mm.

Come on. Come on.
Let's get going.

-All right.
-You driving, curly?

[CHUCKLES] Why, I oughta!

[LAUGHS]

Oh, so, the whole g*ng
is going, huh?

Well,
it's everybody's anniversary,

so I invited everybody.

Well, why didn't I know
about this?

'Cause I wanted it to be
a big surprise,

like the old sheepskins here!
Huh? [CHUCKLES]

-I did good, huh? [CHUCKLES]
-Oh, yeah.

All right. I'm gonna go
slip these on for you.

Bye-bye, sweat stains! [LAUGHS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

If you don't throw up
on him tonight, I will.

-[MUSIC PLAYING]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Watch it now, I'll waste one.
[CHUCKLES]

All right, watch.
Here we go. Here we go.

-[BOTTLE CLANKS]
-[ALL CHEERING]

-WOMAN: Way to go!
-And the man wins yet again!

-Go away.
-[TONY LAUGHS]

He loves me, this guy. [LAUGHS]

Okay, who hasn't got one yet?

Oh. Oh, Angela.
This bug's for you.

Uh, everything okay?

-Eating dinner.
-Yeah, but you--

you just haven't said anything
in a long time.

Oh... dinner's chewy.

Uh-- uh, look, kids, uh,

what do you say we ditch
these two stiffs

and go get something else
to eat?

-Sounds good.
-Okay. Sounds good.

-TONY: Eat some more,
that will be good for you.
-More food.

-[CHUCKLES]
-All right, now you two

-are on your own.
-Tony! Tony!

-Quick! Hide!
-Hey! Mrs. Rossini.

Oh, I'm so glad you made it!
So...

what are we gonna to do first?
Huh?

We are going
to leave them alone. [CHUCKLES]

L-- let's try
the parachute jump.

-I'll pack your chute.
-[CHUCKLES] She is such a riot!

She's gonna make
such a big hole!

Not if I land on you.
[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] Have a good time.

[CHUCKLES] They-- they're cute.
I mean...

Um, so, I guess it's, uh,
just you and me, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, uh...
Hey, well... I-- I got an idea.

Why don't-- why don't you decide
what-- what you wanna do,

and no matter what it is,
we'll do it.

You name it,
anything you wanna do,

we'll do it. Anything. Go ahead.

Well, I don't know.

-What about the fortune teller?
-Oh, not the fortune teller!

Come on!
You're not into that hocus-po--

All right, well,
she's probably good, huh?

She-- she got her own tent.
[CHUCKLES]

Aren't you, uh,
just a little curious

-about what the future holds?
-I'll tell you the truth,

I would like to know
how much longer

I'm gonna be tasting
this corn dog! [LAUGHS]

Uh, she, uh...

She must be trying
to conjure up spirits. Huh?

No. I'm trying
to clear my sinuses.

This is a vaporizer.

Please, sit down.

-[MUTTERS]
-[BLOWS NOSE]

Now, who's first?

-She is.
-He is.

Give madame Alexandra
your hand,

and I will predict your future.

I predict I'm going to get
a severe cold.

You have very strong hands.

Healing, helping hands.
You are a doctor?

Close. Housekeeper.

Your wife's a doctor?

Ad exec, and she's not my wife.

-Fiancée?
-No.

-Girlfriend?
-Sorry! Time is up.

Survey says my best friend
and my boss.

Boy, am I off. This phlegm
is blocking my feel.

Thank you for sharing that.
[CHUCKLES]

All right. You...
you are not married now,

but you were,
but not to each other.

Hmm. That's correct.

-I'm back.
-[TONY CHUCKLES]

-You have a child.
-Yes!

-A daughter?
-Yes!

-And two sons?
-No!

Damn!

You were on such a roll!

Tony, in a way she's right.
Jonathan's like a son to you,

-and there was Billy.
-Ah! Billy!

That's it! Who's Billy?

[CHUCKLES] Uh, he--
he was this little kid

that was living with us, uh,
while his grandmother was sick,

but then she got better
and he went back to--

To live with her! Right?

How does she do that, Angela?

-Tony!
-I'm sorry. Tell me my future.

I see change in a relationship
with somebody very close to you,

and things
will never be the same.

Uh, excuse me,

but my relationships
are just fine

-the way they are. Thank you.
-I sense otherwise.

Uh, you also sensed
I was a doctor. [CHUCKLES]

No, no. I'll tell you the truth,

the last seven years
have been, uh,

you know, just perfect.

And I'd like the next seven
to be exactly the same.

No. No.

Deep down, there is something
you want to change.

Well, there--
there is one thing.

-Yes!
-What is it, Tony?

My barber.

I told the guy,
"Take a little off the top."

-You know what I mean?
-Excuse me.

-Oh, Angela, wait--
-Oh, I think she's mad.

Boy, you are good at this.

I'm not finished with you,

-Anthony Morton Micelli.
-Hey, hey. Yo. Hey.

Hey, yo. Take it easy
with that Morton--

Wait a minute. How'd you know
that was my name?

-I'm right?
-Yeah.

Boy, that decongestant
must be kicking in.

"It's time I said I love you."

Well, it's a crush.
You'll get over it.

No, no. I see those words
written across time.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]
You are at a crucial crossroads.

The planets
are perfectly aligned

for the last time tonight.

-Well, aligned for what?
-True love.

The woman you kiss by midnight
will be yours.

I think you vaporized
more than your sinuses.

No kiss and you will lose
your true love forever.

-[CHUCKLES]
-Morton.

Okay! Not bad.

That time I actually
saw it move.

-Come on. Give it another whack.
-TONY: Hey, Angela! Angela!

Whoa! It's hammer time!

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, I'm sorry
I was clowning around in there,

but you got to admit
that psychic was pretty weird.

Uh-huh.
-[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

And then, after you left,
she really went nuts.

She started going on
about kisses, and--

and seeing "I love you"
written across time.

-Whatever that means. [CHUCKLES]
-Really?

Yeah. Yeah. And then, she says
that tonight I run the risk

of losing my true love forever.
[CHUCKLES]

-Ah.
-That's crazy, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, it's crazy.
Happy anniversary.

Oh, wait a minute. Thank-- W--
Let me look at the present.

Wow. Nice watch there.

"It's time I said I love you."

Way to go, Morton.

That was great,
and I didn't get sick

-or anything.
-No, that was great.

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-So, uh, what should we do next?

I don't know. [GASPS]
Oh, wait, look.

-Huh.
-Look here. Look!

Let's go see Jo-Jo,
the dog-faced boy, huh.

Why not? If you can take it,
he can take it.

Hey. Hey, yo. W-- wait!

Uh, have you seen Angela?
I got to find her.

-What's wrong?
-Oh, I really blew it.

Look what she got me
for our anniversary.

Let me see. Let me see.
Oh, my. That is beautiful.

-So, how'd you blow it?
-He got her seat covers.

-Stunad!
-[GRUNTS]

Who expected this? Who--
who knew she felt this way?

-I knew.
-Same here.

-Me, too.
-So did I.

I had a hunch.

Get off the dime.
Tell her how you feel about her.

Oh, come on, Mona. This--

this is all happening
a little fast here for me.

Fast? Seven years?
Communism has crumbled.

Liz Taylor got thin...

Got fat, got thin, got fat,
got thin, got fat--

Uh, well, please.
I move at my own pace.

That's it. This relationship
is never going to work.

You are going
to lose her forever.

Mona, wait for me.

I don't necessarily agree
with them,

but they have my ride tickets.

"Lose her forever"?
Wait a minute, that...

that-- that's what
that psychic said.

But that hocus-pocus stuff
can't be true, right?

There are some things
that science cannot explain.

Yeah, like, what you're doing
with my daughter.

Would you get out of here?

Dad, look, it--
it doesn't take a psychic to see

that this is the kind of thing
that breaks people up.

It is, isn't it?

Yeah. Dad,
she told you she loves you.

So now the only thing
that really matters is...

do you feel the same way?

Well, uh...

yeah, yeah.

Then, Dad,
why can't you just tell her?

Because I'm afraid to,
Samantha. I mean, this-- this--

this is the most important
friendship of my lifetime,

I mean...
if we take the next step,

and it doesn't work out,

I could end up
losing everything.

I think you're running
that risk now, Dad.

-I got to find her, huh?
-Yeah.

And I--
and I only got a half an hour.

-For what?
-To get a kiss.

That psychic said

the-- the last woman I kiss
before 12 midnight

-will be mine forever.
-Tony.

Tony Micelli, it's been years!

[SMOOCHES]

It's okay, Sister.
We're going to be seeing

a lot of each other
in the near future.

I'm gonna go find her.
Stay here.

Step right up! Step right up!

Let's see how the little lady
handles a g*n.

Oh, okay.

Good eye.

Oh, Angela, I'm so glad
I found you. [STUTTERS]

-We gotta talk.
-I'm tired of talking.

[g*n c*ck]

And I suppose a kiss
is out of the question?

Forget it.

-I heard everything I needed
to hear in the tent.
-No, no, no, no.

This-- this--
this you didn't hear.

Angela, look, uh...

I love...

-The watch. No!
-I'm glad.

No, no, Angela--
That's not what I mean--

That's not what I meant.
I meant, uh...

I meant, uh, I love...

what the watch says.
I mean, it's a lovely watch.

It's-- it's--
it's lovely, what it says.

You know what I mean?
It's lovely.

I love what-- It's--
You know what I mean.

Yes and I hope you and the watch
will be very happy.

Wait a second. Angela, please.
Angela.

-Excuse me.
-[CLOWN SCREAMS]

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

TONY: Hey, hey! Hey, hey!
Wait a minute. Hey!

Follow that swan!

Never-- never mind. Never mind.
[MUMBLES]

-[GRUNTS]
-[WOMEN SCREAM, GASP]

Okay. There you go. Right there.
May I join you?

[MUMBLES]

Do you have any Grey Poupon?
[CHUCKLES]

Well, look where we are,
the tunnel of love.

Must be fate. Kiss me.

I would rather gouge out my eyes
with a dull instrument.

Well, at least you're talking
to me.

Does that mean you're--
you're not mad at me anymore?

I don't blame you.
I don't blame you.

-[CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS]
-Tony,

truth is, I'm more mad
at myself.

It's not your fault
that I let my expectations

get out of hand.
I should have known better.

Well, you know, you live,
you learn. Kiss me.

What is your problem?

[EXHALES] Look, Angela,
I know I was--

I was insensitive in there.

But if you don't--
if you don't make up with me,

I'll do something drastic,
Angela.

-Tony.
-No, Angela. I'll jump.

Tony, sit down.
You're gonna tip us over.

Goodbye, Angela.

Try not to panic.
I'll go for help.

ANNOUNCER: Attention.

The carnival will be closing
in two minutes.

-[SIGHS]
-It's almost midnight.

-Come here.
-What--

Wait a minute. What--
what are you doing?

I am not letting you
out of this place

until we make up...

and we seal it with a kiss.

[ANGELA MUTTERS]

Why is it so important
to kiss me?

Because I'm not so fond
of Sister Mary Francis!

What?

Look, that--
that Madame Alexandra,

the psychic, she--

she said if I-- I don't kiss you
by midnight,

I could lose you forever.

Oh, I see.
And now you believe her?

Well, no, no! But she--
she was right about the watch.

-Why take a chance?
-Oh, I understand.

So, it's like,
if you see a ladder,

-you don't walk under it.
-Right! Right!

If you see a black cat,

you don't go strolling
through its path.

Oh, so this
is an insurance kiss.

Yes! No, no!

No, that's not what I mean.
That's not what I mean.

Look, this has nothing to do
with her stupid predictions.

It's j-- it's just that...

I mean, if there's--
if there's one chance

in a million that...

that I could lose you,
I don't want to take it.

-Why?
-'Cause I love you!

-What did you say?
-What did you hear?

No, no. No. No.

No, I said it. I said it.

And I meant it.

[EXHALES] I love you.

I've loved you for a long time.

And the only reason
why I haven't said it before
is because I was...

afraid of losing what we have.

But, um...

if loving you
is going to ruin that...

then I'm willing to ruin it.

You would ruin our friendship
for love?

In a second.

I'd-- I'd--
I'd throw it in the garbage.

I'd spit on it.

I'd flush it down the toilet.

Oh, Tony. That is so beautiful.

ANNOUNCER:
The carnival is now closed.

[ANGELA MOANS]

-Tony?
-Mm?

-Mm
-Uh, carnival's closing.

We could get locked in here
all night.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We...

we-- we--
we better call for help.

[SOFTLY] Help.

[SOFTLY] Oh, help.

Help, help, help.

We tried.

TONY: Who's the Boss
will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

TONY:
Next on Who's the Boss...

It's wonderful to finally
be able to express how we feel.

I wanna shout it
from the rooftops.

I wanna tell it to the world.

-Oh, Tony.
-Oh, Angela.

[GRUNTS]

Morning, buddy.

We're finally alone.

And if you're real good,

I'll tell you
what's for dessert.

[CHUCKLES] There goes my diet!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]