02x03 - Too Many Cat Fights in This House

[bunniefuu]

[male narrator] Previously on "The Real World.."

- I'm David. - I'm Jon, David.

- 'I'm Dominic, man.' - You're from Kentucky, right?

David's a stand-up comedian.

My name's Beth.

Beth, she was carrying a cat.

I can't stand cats.

- 'Hi.' - Hi.

- 'Hi, my name is Irene.' - My name's Jon.

- Hi, Jon. - 'Aaron.'

- Aaron? - Aaron, yeah.

Aaron, nice to meet you.

That's Tim, my fiance.

- Tim, nice to meet you. - Tim. Thank you.

[male narrator] This is the true story.

♪ True story ♪

[Tami] Of seven strangers..

[Jon] Picked to live in a house..

Beth!

[Beth] And have their lives taped..

[Aaron] To find out what happens..

[Irene] When people stop being polite..

[David] And start getting real.

[male narrator] "The Real World," California.

[guitar music]

[Irene] The hour that I wake up

to go to work everyday is o'clock in the morning.

Only because I like to shower and change at work

and I don't disturb anybody here.

♪ There she goes ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

There is a lot of danger in, in what I do

because of I'm small, I'm a female

and I am a police officer.

It's weird having a cop for a roommate.

Barrera -.

I just feel like a lot of things that I did when I was younger

she's going to find out about 'em

and she's going to tell everybody.

Remain seated, come to order. Division is now in session.

The honorable Gary L. Bymen commissioner presiding.

I'm breaking the law everyday getting in to my vehicle.

[siren wailing]

Yes, I currently have a suspended license.

I've had a suspended license

for approximately, five months now.

The misdemeanor charge will be driving on a suspended license

or driving without a license.

The reason I have the suspended license

is because I have two warrants

for unpaid parking tickets.

When you don't pay your parking tickets

the price doubles and doubles

and then, when it turns into a warrant

every days that you don't pay it, it goes up.

[instrumental music]

I think I have to pay, probably totals around .

The court can sentence you up to six months in jail

'and fine you up to $.'

If I get pulled over now, I'm probably going to jail.

If I see something going on

I'm going to do something about it

whether anybody likes it or not here

because, um, I am the law, hours a day.

[guitar music]

One lyric in a country song I heard was

"My first wife died from eating poison mushrooms."

- Oh, my-- - '"My second wife died.."

I'm not lying. "From a fractured skull."

♪ She wouldn't eat her mushrooms ♪♪

That's what I heard in the song. I'm not lying.

Well, I'd like to, to, to quote

some of the, the rappers I've heard

but they say bad words all the time.

It's all about what attitude and what style.

'Have you ever heard of DC Talk?'

All rap.. Who?

- DC Talk? - 'No.'

They're a rap group from Washington, DC.

Except I can listen to that rap group

because they're a Christian rap group

'and what they have to say--'

- Christian rap? - Yeah.

I mean, that's.. A what.. Man, look, you can't..

Rap music is never meant to be nice.

- Oh! - You know, they--

So if it has to get, it has to get--

Rap is not supposed to be..

♪ I'm nice I'm nice ♪♪

- You know? - Oh, so, it's not..

It's gotta be..

♪ I'm the baddest person in the world ♪

♪ I'm the baddest you can't mess with me ♪

♪ Homeboy this word ♪♪

Hold up, now, see, that, that is stereotyping.

All that moving with the arms--

- That's what they do. - 'Oh, that's a stereotype.'

Oh, well, you're making fun of my twang.

[beeping]

Okay, that's your beeper. What, do you sell drugs?

You see, that's another stereotype, man.

[laughing] 'I'm just kidding, man.'

You see how that works? You see that?

'I'm just kidding.'

- That's my manager right now. - Is it?

The first thing.. But the first thing you thought was--

No, because last time

because I saw the first episode of the last show

and when somebody's beeper went off, that's what they said.

[beeps]

- Go, Heather, go, Heather. - You know..

'Go, Heather. Go, Heather.'

- 'What is that?' - 'It's a beeper.'

Do you sell drugs? Why do you have a beeper?

[instrumental music]

That's what the entire next episode was about

the stupid beeper.

That's why I said it, it was a joke.

- Okay. - 'Do you sell drugs though?'

[laughing]

Jon is years old, and I'm not trying to discriminate against

his age, but this boy thinks he knows everything at .

I'm a real nice guy, but, but don't argue with me

because I'll always win.

I fall asleep to your jazz stuff, I don't say..

Jazz, Miles Davis is very relaxing!

You know how many times, you know how many times

I've listened to "Hip Hop Hooray?"

I hate that song, but I listen to it.

And don't even talk.

Okay, you know how many times that's on the cafe on the corner

about the cows dying and you milk it?

How many times have I heard about this song?

He hates my music, you know, and I kinda like

I like his country music, but he doesn't respect mine

I think that's where the problem is.

Do you want me to sleep on the couch?

Do you want to break this relationship that we have?

Yeah, sleep on the couch.

Do you want a, do you want a divorce?

- Yeah, I want a divorce. - 'I'm moving out.'

I've tried to be open-minded, but I'm not open-minded

to the way that I'm gonna change.

He needs to listen before he speaks sometimes

and it drives me crazy.

Aah!

Damn, man, okay, you win, you win, alright? You win!

[Dominic] My first impression of David, I remember someone asked him

where he was from, and he said, "Africa"

and I thought, chip on the shoulder routine here, you know.

You're not from Africa. You were born here in America.

You should be proud of it.

It's okay, it's okay.

Beth has a cat.

Stay here.

I was under the impression that

George, my German shepherd

who I love very much and very close to

could hang with me, here in the house

so I brought him over yesterday.

Whoa, geez, George!

[instrumental music]

'George, geez!'

- No! Stop. Aah! - George. George.

- George. George. - No.

What is going on?

George is chasing the cat.

Aah!

And my poor kitty, my poor kitty.

Don't have the cat and the dog meet.

Look at my cat. My cat is gonna drop dead.

And Beth is very animated, very, "Ah, ah!"

Oh, gosh!

[Beth] I'm emotionally attached to the cat.

There is no way that I'm going to give up that cat.

We're just gonna have to work it out.

[Dominic] There is no way I'm leaving George here on his own.

I would if there wasn't a cat here

but the cat's here to stay, it seems

until something happens to it.

That's not a threat.

[instrumental music]

[Dominic] 'He just told me that the cat was on my bed all day.'

I don't care what you have to do

put on a leash or something.

Well, if you, if you see it, hit it, and it won't do it anymore.

- It'll learn. That's how-- - Well, we shouldn't have to.

Well, I'm not around hours a day.

If I see it doing something, then I won't, then I'll hit it.

Did you ever consider while we're on the subject..

[laughing]

- Did you ever consider-- - 'I'm laughing--'

I'm being, I'm being castrated for this cat.

- 'I'm glad he's going on--' - I swear to God, that's--

Well, yeah because you know why, you know why

my dog wasn't here the first day I moved in?

'Cause I didn't know if people liked dogs

and I wanted to run it by everyone.

Did you even consider other people's feelings?

The cat just got no manners. It should stay in Beth's room.

It should stay on the balcony, it shouldn't be here.

♪ Watch out ♪

[mews]

♪ Watch out ♪♪

See cats remind me of women.

[mews]

Women have been pissing me off.

I swear something terrible..

This, this will be perfect.

My friend, James, knows of this party in Beverly Hills

'and there's going to be a band playing'

'and there's supposed to be, like, mega-people.'

- 'Beverly Hills?' - Yeah.

----?

Animated Beth informed us that we were all invited

to a big party in Beverly Hills.

It was around :, I think.

We.. He doesn't want to go.

- No! - Dom, Dom.

You have to go out with us.

What's wrong? Don't you like me?

Leave my room now, Beth.

[chuckles]

- Leave, you demon. - Don't you even dare..

You know, I'll tell you right now

don't ever come on to me like that.

Yeah, well my cat will kick your dog's a*s.

Yeah, my dog will chew your little kitty up for breakfast.

Oh, yeah? We'll see.

[Dominic] She says there's a band there, food, booze.

I says, "Okay, that's where we're going, this is good."

♪ If you let it rain ♪

♪ Down on me ♪

♪ I will stand above you ♪

♪ Until you believe ♪

♪ Let it rain.. ♪♪

[Irene] 'I haven't been to a party since high school.'

I know, they're fun, you get to meet new people and socialize.

What time do parties like that usually last till?

At least :.

[Beth] 'At least.'

What in the hell are they doing? They're..

'He's probably directing them.'

- 'Who's he?' - Jon.

[Irene] 'What time do you usually go to bed?'

Uh, somewhere between : and midnight usually.

We are so far from Beverly Hills right now.

- It's unbelievable. - 'I know.'

[Irene] ' o'clock, and then anything after that'

I'll be useless the next morning.

I know. I don't know, if I, if I still have my period tomorrow--

Oh, gosh, please don't talk about that.

[Irene] 'Hey, when you get married, if you ever get married'

'your wife might say, once, send you out to the market'

'to buy tampons, and you're gonna have to do it.'

- 'Yes, you are.' - Yes, you are.

She better buy 'em before she has that.

[Beth] 'No.'

Let's just go. Well, I mean..

Well, that's fine, but do they know where they're going?

You don't, you don't the difference between

tampons and maxi pads?

Uh, no, I don't need that explained either.

- 'Tell him.' - No, if you tell me..

Um, no, do not tell me.

San Vicente, we're fine, we're not that far away.

Don't go through this red light!

- Tampons-- - 'Oh, stop it.'

Needs to be inserted.

Maxi pads..

...are for the underwear, kind of like a diaper.

[Irene] 'Well, yeah, it's, it's a diaper, really.'

Okay, I knew that part.

[laughing]

[Irene] 'He's dead. Beth, he's dead.'

[rock music]

[Dominic] We eventually make it to this party.

And I was surprised, the place looks great.

I thought, "This is going to be cool.

This is going to be great."

We go inside, all of us go inside

seems some real cool people hanging out, young people.

"This is going to be great."

Yeah, yeah, we're-we're leaving right now.

'Okay, what happened?'

[Dominic] We were with someone who told us to come up here.

- She gave us the impression-- - 'A friend of ours..'

'is a friend of somebody's here.'

- 'Who's this?' - 'Beth. She told us.'

She invited us up here.

Okay, you know, that's really distracting

coming into like a party, you know, that, like--

I was under the impression she had okayed with this.

- Alright. - That's what she told..

[Dominic] The hostess comes up to the party and says

"I don't know you or Beth, and I want you out of here."

Go in here, go in here, and, and help me find her.

Beth had disappeared.

I'd reached boiling point at this stage.

I was so pissed off.

♪ I can't take anymore ♪

It turns out she wasn't even invited to the party.

A friend of hers was invited to the party

who didn't even go to the party.

Where's Beth because everybody else, they left.

[David] 'Ya'll getting a spanking when you get home.'

So we left, and I was just like

"Man, I hope I get back before they do

"because I'm going right up to my room

because I don't even want to hear it."

They're going to scream about it.

They're going to b*tch about it.

Especially "The domer."

[Beth] 'I should probably go downstairs.'

No, because that will just

that'll just cause a fight, just don't.

- You think? - Yes.

Believe me, I-I know.

I've been fighting with him for a week.

Watch the road!

Straight, straight!

Okay, stop, stop!

- I'm gonna go downstairs. - I wouldn't do that.

Why?

If you're going downstairs, let me go, I want to watch.

I said, "I'm going down there," 'cause this is really pissin'.

I'm pissed off that he's pissed off at me

because I had no intention of screwing anybody's night up.

Dominic.

He's not here, go away.

Don't come near me, I swear I'll smother you in spaghetti.

I'm sorry.

[Dominic] Beth came downstairs

and did all this arms around me garbage, apologizing.

So, I, I assumed..

[Beth] If there's anything wrong, they just, like, totally go off.

It's like, relax, calm down, nobody k*lled your mother.

- You invited six people. - Yeah.

'To a party, you didn't even know the hostess.'

- The hostess came out to me.. - Yeah, I know.

And askedme what the hell was going on?

And I'm like, "Well, um.."

[Dominic] And I told her what I thought, that it was very rude

what she did, and inconsiderate

and don't ever do it to me again or I'd k*ll her.

♪ Get up stand up ♪

♪ Stand up for your rights ♪

♪ Get up stand up.. ♪♪

This, this is way too much for me here.

Let's just chill, I'm gonna go to sleep.

[David] 'Tonight was an interesting night.'

- Oh, yeah. - And I got..

I looked like I stole something at the party.

'You looked like you stole something?'

It was an all-white party, you know.

They looked at me like I stole something.

- You did not. - Everybody was looking at me.

[Beth] 'That's your imagination.'

Maybe they were looking at you behind me or something

because everybody was staring at me.

- 'No, I tell you what?' - They were staring.

[Dominic] "Who are these strangers in here?"

It was a party where everyone knew people.

They were staring at me.

What'd you steal?

Shut the ♪♪♪ up. I didn't steal nothing.

It was something I was saying they looked at me like I--

[Aaron] 'Are you kidding me right now?'

'Do you think he really stole something?'

I'm saying, why did they think he stole something?

[David] 'I think you need to lighten up, loosen up those boots'

and we're all having a good ♪♪♪ time

because I've had it with you.

The short time I've known you

I've had it with this guy already.

- I've had it with you. - Move out!

No, you ♪♪♪ move out.

David, he's just a really hard person to get along with.

Hard person to like.

♪ Keep the faith ♪

♪ Keep the faith ♪ ♪ Keep the faith ♪

♪ Oh you gotta keep the faith ♪

♪ Keep the faith ♪

♪ Keep the faith ♪ ♪ Keep the faith ♪

♪ Oh you gotta keep the faith ♪

"Would you mind if I hang up a confederate flag?"

- What did you say? - I told him no.

David was wearing a Malcolm X shirt, and then Jon asked him

if he could hang up a confederate flag.

I think he did it just to antagonize him.

"Would you mind if I hang up a confederate flag?"

I have, also have a souvenir rope.

My forefathers hung some of your people on

I hope you don't mind, it's nothing personal

just a little rope there.

Nice move with those foot, I like that.

[David] 'Tami, come here, girl!'

This ♪♪♪ is taking off, over here.

It's like, they're, uh, it's ♪♪♪.

It's like the space shuttle.

You got to turn it down, dude.

And then I just put white stuff all on my pants.

[David] Everybody always saying stuff about me.

Why do I iron my clothes all the time?

Because when I was younger, I never had good clothes.

[instrumental music]

My mom was real poor

and my mom did what she had to do to get clothes for us

and that means, she used to go scavenger hunting

in alleys and in dumpsters.

And a lot of these alleys belonged at my friend's houses

you know, and she used to take the kids, you know, with her.

And I was seven years old, this was real embarrassing.

So one day, we go into this one alley

and my mom is already in the dumpster

I'm standing out like a look-out man

and my friend see me, "Yo, David, what's up, man?"

"What you doing down here?"

All of a sudden, this voice comes out of the dumpster.

"David, bring your a*s up here, boy

hold that bag open. Get over here!"

[instrumental music]

That's why I iron my clothes.

It's not a psychological thing

it's just that, you know, when you never had nothing

and you finally get it, you just take care of it.

The water is leaking on my clothes.

[Tami] 'Turn it up!'

I am turning it up.

[keys beeping]

You gotta accept the charges, dad.

- 'I just did.' - Oh, okay.

'Garth is singing the national anthem.'

- Right now? - 'Yeah.'

[Irene] What Jon is going through out here being in LA

and him being from Kentucky, and not having anybody out here

um, I feel for him.

- 'Are you the youngest?' - Yup, I'm the youngest.

He's a nice, nice person.

One girl is engaged, and she's getting married.

He's really caring. I respect him, and I think he respects me.

She's a, she's a deputy marshal.

[instrumental music]

Oh, my gosh.

So, uh, what are we planning on doing?

- Nothing. - Good.

"Cops" filmed on location.

♪ Bad boys ♪

♪ Whatcha gonna to do? Whatcha gonna to do.. ♪♪

♪ Bad boys bad boys ♪

♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

♪ Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ♪

♪ Bad boys bad boys ♪

♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

♪ Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ♪♪

Oh, you took the belt off!

No, I took the buckle off.

You can borrow my buckle.

Out of everybody, I get along with Irene the best.

And I like him, and I have a good time with him.

He makes me laugh.

[Beth] What the hell do you know about sex anyway?

Look, I know it takes two people

and it's not only the guy's fault.

It takes two people to tango, honey.

[laughs]

I mean, I can just look at him, and, and laugh sometimes.

You going to change?

Ow!

If Tim could see me now, huh?

He wouldn't let you go if he could see you now.

No, here.

[Irene] Being without Tim is really, really hard.

I get depressed sometimes when he's not here

but I go into my confessional booth

and I'll cry a little bit, and I feel a lot better.

It's hard to sleep by yourself

now that you've been sleeping with somebody for..

...a while.

But I'll be okay, I gotta get over this part..

...of missing him and stuff.

My mom says, it'll be good.

It'll be good for us because..

...it will make the day that we get married

a lot more exciting

and I'll look more forward to being with him.

♪ I gave you all the love I got ♪

♪ I gave you more than I could give ♪

♪ Gave you love.. ♪♪

[sniffles]

But as far as the people here, they're great.

So what's up with you?

Well, I got a couple gigs in from "Variety."

Mm-hmm.

I just sold two new jobs to "Daily Variety"

which came in tonight, which is like a big thing for me.

Money, money, money, money, money.

I know. I went to the mall today and spent $.

- On what? - Very smart. Clothes.

You mean, you spent your food money on clothes?

- No. - Yes, you did.

No, no, no, on. I used, I used credit card.

Oh, even better.

The first night, as I said, you know

you get your first impressions of the people

and it's kind of superficial.

Now, you know, we're starting to relax a little more

and you can see some real personalities

starting to come out.

I think now we-we're really all going to get along

I could take that statement back probably in two hours, you know.

Why do you keep moving my box?

So I can get over here and get my clothes!

♪ I don't know how to get her off my mind ♪

[Aaron] I want to hear this.

♪ But give me time ♪

♪ And I'll think of something ♪

Actually that song has to do something about masturbation.

[laughing]

[Jon] David's constantly talking about masturbation, periods.

There has got to be something better

to talk about, you know, than that.

♪ I don't mind.. ♪♪

[David] I make jokes around Jon about masturbation

because I know he doesn't like it.

I have a bad habit, if I find something

that drives a person crazy, I just usually keep doing it.

- Sing it. - I don't know the song.

You don't know "Friends In Low Places?"

No, it's a country song.

There was one song that Dolly Patron had.

It was a country, I used to remember

I used to hear it when I was little.

It was about a puppy who died, and the puppy went to heaven

and the little girl missed the puppy.

- '"Me And Little Andy?"' - Yeah.

I used to love that song.

That's my favorite song that she sings.

'That's great. I didn't know who sang that.'

See, I'm a cultured brother.

We're just totally two different people

who can get along almost, but then collide again.

[guitar music]

You know, it's like almost when you think you got it together

bing, something else happens.

[David] 'We asked him nicely.'

'I've been asking him all day!'

Now it's time for beatin' his ♪♪♪.

You've crossed the line, man.

I'm telling you, man I'm telling you.

Back off, dude. Dude, I'm serious.

Aaron, this is between me and Jon--

No, no, no, but you don't ♪♪♪ fight, man.

[Aaron] Jon and David, they were just fighting about cleaning up

and I think David was in a really bad mood that day.

Aaron, get off me!

Just.. You guys are being so stupid.

- I ain't being-- - Just shut up!

- I didn't do a thing! - Well, just shut your mouth!

That ♪♪♪ been blowing out for three days

and you know it's yours.

'You can't walk walk around sayin' it's not yours.'

You're the only ♪♪♪ who has Styrofoam.

You walk in the house all day, don't do ♪♪♪.

"Oh, there's Styrofoam!"

Come outside, "Oh, it's blowing all over the yard", right?

'"Let's go rollerblading", right?'

Feel free to fly a kite, "Hey, Styrofoam is still here."

You know it's yours, clean it up!

♪ Don't be cruel ♪

♪ To a heart that's true ♪♪

[Jon] I was being really calm about it.

Actually, I'm proud of myself that I didn't blow my top.

[male narrator] Next on "The Real World.."

♪ I can't resist the fever of your kissing and your hugging ♪♪

[David] Tami is a nice girl.

Incredibly fine, you know, she has a body from hell.

I'm gonna get you, Tami.

No, no, I feel that it would have.

- I feel it wouldn't-- - So, I said, so I said..

I give you two, two weeks before you guys hop in bed.

No.

♪ One bright day the people got together ♪

Woo!

♪ One bright day.. ♪

'Thank you.'

♪ Yes it was one bright day ♪

♪ One bright day ♪

♪ Yes it is one.. ♪

- Ah, the bowling ball is real. - Ahh!

♪ One bright day.. ♪♪

Okay, you're, uh

you don't have nearly enough romance in your life.

You can need a lot more sex, I can tell you that.

You can tell I masturbate?

Oh, yes, oh, yes, I can see all that.

[laughing]