02x21 & 02x22 - Uncle Grandpa Retires

[bunniefuu]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]
good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

[ Roars ]

Good morning.

Good morning!

Hey, guys! Hurry up!
The commercial's on!

Are you folks ready

For insane, wheel-burning,
gear-crunching mayhem?!

All: yes!

Come and enjoy
the pungent stench

Of red-hot, rubber-burning,
nitro-blasting insanity

As the world's top racers
tear asphalt asunder

In their quest for the gold.

Come today
to the big fat race!

Big fat race!

All:
oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Big...
Fat...

Race, dude.

I love
the big fat races.

[ Singsong voice ]
look who's got our tickets.

Ooh, I can't wait to see
the brutal carnage!

For once, I agree.

I do love to watch
a good sporting race.

But, if we're all here,
who's driving the rv?

Don't worry.
I set the autopilot.

So we can just
sit back and relax.

We'll be there
in no time.

This just in --
there's been an expl*si*n

At the nail factory
on main street.

It is literally raining nails
all up and down main street.

So if you're driving,

You might want to avoid
main street altogether.

Hey.
We're on main street.

[ All gasp ]

Unh! Unh! Unh!

[ All grunting ]

Whee!

[ Tires screech ]

Out of the way!

[ Gasps ]
look out for those nails!

Yaaaaaaaaaah!

[ Tires screech ]

Way to go, mr. Gus.

[ Tire squeals, pops ]

[ Pop! Pop! ]

[ Whirring ]

[ Pop! Pop! Pop! ]

I hate to say it,
but I think we have a flat tire.

I guess
I'll get the spare.

[ Laughs ]

About that spare thingy...

Uncle grandpa,
where's the spare tire?

Well, you see,

I needed someplace to keep
my giant doughnut,

So I chucked the tire.

Dang it!

Oh, well, maybe we can use
that doughnut as a tire.

Mmm. Mmm.
What doughnut?

Wait a minute.
This gives me an idea.

I can be the tire.

Look.
I'm very flexible.

Besides, I've always wondered
how the other half lives.

This could be fun.

First, I need to get rid
of this old thing.

[ Grunts ]

Um, if you don't mind,
uncle grandpa,

I think
I'll sit this one out.

That's probably a good idea,
belly bag,

But could you
do me a favor?

Be a dear
and hold these for me?

Not a problem.

[ Gulps ]

Thanks. I won't be needing those
where I'm going.

[ Clang ]
perfect fit.

Okay. I'm ready.

Are you sure
you want to do this?

You betcha.

Last chance
to change your mind.

Nope. Let's get this show
on the road.

That has to be one of the
weirdest things I've ever seen.

And we're talking about
uncle g,

So that's really
saying something.

We'll just take it
nice and easy.

Try to find the smoothest road
from here to the racetrack.

Hang on tight.
Here we go.

Oh, boy, oh, boy!
Now we're rollin'.

Yay!

That was the most fun
I've ever had!

I can't believe
that worked.

Good job, uncle grandpa.
We made it just in time.

You da man!

Come on, uncle g.
Hup.

Let's go find us
some primo seats.

That's okay.

You guys go on without me.
I'm good.

What are you
talking about?

I thought you were all fired up
about going to the race.

I was,
but now I'm not.

If it's
all the same to you,

I think I'm gonna stay here
and be a tire.

Together: what?!
[ Roars ]

Yep.
I love being a tire.

In fact,
I think I like it better

Than being
plain old uncle grandpa.

You're kidding, right?
You can't be serious.

What's so great
about being a tire?

Everything!

Being this close
to the earth,

I have a whole new
perspective on life.

I've got to be
honest --

I think I want to be a tire
from now on.

And if you were
really good friends,

I think you would respect
my decision.

Uh, excuse me
for a moment.

Come on, guys,
get in there.

We knew this day
would eventually come.

Uncle g's always been teetering
on the edge of wackiness.

He's finally
tipped over.

[ Whistles ]

Ka-blammo!

Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Obviously.
So what are we gonna do?

[ Roars ]

Pbhhhht!

You're right,
giant realistic flying tiger.

We need to figure out
some sort of

Monumentally
passive-aggressive way

Of convincing him that
he doesn't want to be a tire.

Eureka! I got it!

Let's enter the ug rv
in the big fat race.

Old uncle "tire-pa"
won't last five minutes

Against
those motorized maniacs.

Yeah! It's the most punishing
race ever!

I bet it's especially tough
on tires.

That idea's so crazy,
there's no way it can't work.

Good news,
uncle grandpa.

We figured out a way
that you can stay a tire

And watch the race.

Oh, boy!
I like the sound of that.

Hey,
all you race fans.

Are you ready
for one heck of a competition?

I know I am.

Unfortunately,
I'll be watching from the stands

With the rest of you
since I'm turning duties over

To a giant realistic tiger
and a talking knapsack.

Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Welcome, fans,
to the big fat race.

To all of you
tuning in,

I'm today's event announcer,
belly bag.

And this is
my co-host and roommate,

The always-outspoken
giant realistic flying tiger!

[ Roars ]

Racing in today's
big showdown, we have...

Tiny miracle the robot boy
and his giga-ride racer.

Frankenstein driving
an electric-powered
operating table.

Charlie burgers,
the ball-loving dog next door

And his woof-woof wagon.

Ule gappa
and his danger dome.
[ Yells ]

Beary nice and hot dog person,
driving hot dog person.

The crazy driving baby
from that episode

Driving
a bottle-rocket racer.

Ug's nemesis, aunt grandma,
driving her convertible cruiser.

Evil wizard
and his evil mobile.

Xarna, she-warrior
of the apocalypse

Driving
her mad motorcycle.

And finally,
our last-minute contender,

The ug rv.

Mr. Gus and pizza steve
will be driving,

And uncle grandpa
will be filling in

As the front
passenger tire.

Wow -- my first day
as a tire,

And I get to be
in the race of a lifetime.

The first racer to cross
the checkered finish line

Wins a golden trophy
and bragging rights

On two -- two forms
of social media.

I hope
it doesn't take too long

For uncle grandpa
to give up being a tire.

Bro, if this race is anything
like that commercial suggests,

We've got
nothing to worry about.

Racers,
start your engines!

[ Squeak, engine turns over ]

[ Growls ]

Oh, fine.

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Laughs ]

Belly bag:
on your marks...

Let's do this.

... Get set...
[ Pop! ]

[ Gasps ] ugh!

... Go!
[ Pop! ]

And they're off!

Time to get
our uncle grandpa back.

[ Tires squealing ]
whoo-hoo!

Belly bag: race fans going wild
for their favorite racers!

Go, wizard guy!

[ Laughs wheezily ]

Belly bag:
and it looks like

Ule gappa is
off to a commanding lead.

See if you can get him
to fire that thing at us.

But here comes the rv.
Hey!

Out of my way,
or I'll blast you out!

Yikes!

Belly bag: wow!

It looks like
this race

Just became
an off-road free-for-all.

Hmm. Maybe try getting close
to that evil wizard guy.

'Kay.

Hmm.

Now, what evil
can I inflict

Upon this
recreational vehicle?

Oh, I know!
[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Groans ]

Wha...?

Hey!

Dang.

Aw, come on!

This thing will do wonders
for your nails.

Darn! Darn!

Belly bag: racers are
now headed right to the city.

I don't know
what'll be more dangerous --

The city's neglected potholes
or each other.

[ Laughs ]

Defective roadwork is
enough punishment for any tire.

Uh-oh.
I'd better get my bounce on.

Boing! Boing!

Boing! Boing! Boing!

[ Tires squeal ]

Yo, that is
one tricked-out rv.

You guys, you got to start
driving more careful

If we're gonna
win this thing.

Okay, back to work.

Ha. He actually thinks
he's gonna win.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, yes!

Try getting behind
that monstrosity.

Ugh. I should really
do something about that rv.

It's just so "tacky."

[ Laughing ]
h* h* h*, yeah!

Uh-oh.
Hey, tiny miracle!

Launch your magnet power,
will ya?

Coming right up.

[ Whoosh! ]

Road hazard avoided.

Aw, come on, tiny miracle!
You're not helping here!

But I was programmed
to help.

What the --
ahh!

Get... Off... My... Arm!

[ Whistle! ]

Oh,
the artificial humanity!

Anyways,
back to the race,

Which is now headed into
some rocky mountains.

Boy, I'd sure hate
to be a tire right now.

Uncle grandpa is gonna hate
being a tire right about now.

[ Uncle grandpa grunting ]

[ Tires squealing ]

You ready to call it quits,
uncle g?

N-n-n-no way --
t-t-t-this is the best

D-d-deep tissue massage
I've ev-v-ver had!

D-d-d-dang! D-d-d-dang!

What a race
this is turning out to be!

And the competition
keeps getting more fierce!

Especially as xarna
takes the lead

As if
it were the apocalypse.

Oh, no, you don't!

[ Sniffs ]

Why do I smell gas?

You've got to be
kidding me.

Good luck
finding a gas station!

[ Laughs ]

Belly bag: and xarna
is out of luck and gas.

Beep beep!
Vroom vroom!

Goo-goo ga-ga.
[ Laughs evilly ]

Ugh! That's it
with that blasted bottle.

[ Growls ]

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Tires squeal ]

Whoa!
[ Crying ]

And aunt grandma
showed that baby

There's no use
crying over spilled milk.

Looks like the racers are now
headed into a dense forest area.

Frankenstein
has taken the lead

And is making a beeline
straight for that finish line.

Huh?

[ Bees buzzing ]

Huh?!

Aaaaaaah!

Beep beep!
Vroom vroom!

Oh, mr. Gus, drive us
through those dandelion flowers.

Why dandelion flowers?

'Cause uncle g
is crazy-allergic.

Oh, yeah.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sneezing ]

Guys! I'm crazy-allergic
to dandelions!

You know that!

All part of being a tire,
uncle g.

Yeah. You can always quit
when you're ready.

[ Sneezes ]

[ Nasally ]
I just might have to.

I can't breathe,

And my nose is swelling up
to the size of a beach ball.

[ Gasps ]
did someone say "ball"?

Woof!
[ Tires squealing ]

[ Crash ]
oh, my!

I've been t-boned.

Belly bag: and that's it
for aunt grandma.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
I love ba*ls! Woof!

[ Chomps ]

Ugh!

Hey! Move!

I can't see
where I'm going!

Raaaaaaaaah!

And down goes ule gappa
and charlie burgers!

Beep beep!
Vroom vroom!

[ Grunts ]
[ pop! ]

I can breathe again!

Thanks for popping my nose,
charlie burgers.

I'm good to go, guys.
We're still in this thing.

He's persistent --
I'll give him that.

Belly bag: folks, we're down
to the last three racers.

It's getting
down to the wire.

And, of course, by "wire,"
I mean "cactus patch."

Mr. Gus! Mr. Gus!

Don't worry.
I see it.

Uh, can you guys go around
that cactus patch?

Nope.

It's the shortest way,

And we've got to
maintain the lead.

I think
I'll be trying the long way.

Hey, beary,
do you think

They give trophies for second
or third place, as well?

I'm not sure,
hot dog person.

This is
my beary first race.

But we should try
our beary best to win.

Okaaaaaaaaay!
[ Tires squealing ]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I can't see a thing,
hot dog person.

Waah! Waah!
Waaaaaah!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Oh, no,
hot dog person.

Looks like
we got a flat tire.

[ Groans ]

Another racer down.

It's down to rv
and evil wizard.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Why don't you just quit now,
uncle grandpa?

It'll be way easier

Than me thinking of something
villainous to do to you.

No way!

Winning this race is
the only thing I ever dreamed of

Since becoming a tire
two hours ago.

Also, watch out
for those ducks.

Ducks? What ducks?

[ Tires squeal ]

Go! Move! Shoo!
Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo!

Don't you know
what I can do to you

If I take my foot
off this brake?

[ Quacks ]

No!

Must fight
feelings of compassion

With thoughts of evil!

Oh, what's the use?

Belly bag: and the rv wins
by a landslide!

[ Roars ]
what an amazing race
and a huge accomplishment

For team uncle grandpa!

Oh, wait. Guess the plan
didn't work, after all.

[ Roars ]

But here comes
the trophy now!

On behalf of the association
of the federation

For the league of racers
coalition worldwide,

We present you
this golden tire trophy.

And if I can say,
that is one mighty fine

Front passenger tire
you got there.

Yeah,
I hate to admit it,

But you do make
a pretty good tire.

Yeah. Guess it won't be the same
with you out here all the time.

But if this
is what you want to do,

I guess
we can't stop you.

Thanks, guys. I'm glad
you respect my decision.

Now let me get a look at that
shiny trophy I've always wanted.

[ Grunts ]

What the --
bubble gum?!

Ew! Gross!

Yuck! Sugar-free?!

[ Pop! ]

Eh, I'm through
being a tire.

There we go.

The rv is ready to roll,

And now I'm ready
to just be uncle grandpa again.

All right!

Glad to have you back,
uncle grandpa.

All right, uncle g!

Now, what do you say
we make like a tire

And race out of here?

I've got a frozen pizza
in the fridge!

Yay!

Uh-oh.

Don't worry.
I'll fix it.

I guess he is pretty handy
to have around.

I don't know if "handy"
is the right word.

Good morning!

Ooh!
Looking good, uncle g.

Looking good,
pizza steve.

[ Groaning ]

[ Coughs ]

Lookin' --
uhh...

Hi, mr. Gus.

[ Tires squeal ]

Uncle grandpa:
okay, tiger, your turn.

Tail to lavender.

[ Roars ]

Way to go, tiger!

Grandpa's turn!

Mustache to chartreuse.

I don't know how much longer
I can hold out.

This game of twist-it-up
has been going for two days now.

Actually, it's only been

Besides, it's a good way
to pass the time

On the long trip to help all
the little kiddos of the world.

[ Straining ]
come here, chartreuse.

[ Grunts ]

Gotcha!

[ Zip! Crash! ]

[ All groaning ]
good game, everybody.

[ Engine clunks, stops ]

Sounds like
the rv just sputtered out.

You're right!

Which can mean only one thing,
belly buddy.

We're reached
our destination.

Let's get out there
and help some kids, team.

[ Roars ]

Oh, right, tiger.

The rv is
just out of fuel.

Great -- how are we
gonna find any fuel

Out here
in the middle of nowhere?

I don't know,
li'l slice.

Think maybe we should try
that gas station right there?

That was a rhetorical question,
mr. Gus.

Of course
pizza steve knows

How to find gas
in the middle of nowhere.

[ Pop! ]
Wait, guys.

There's
just one problem.

The rv
doesn't run on gas.

It runs on...

[ Distorted ]
weird.

The rv
runs on weird?

That's right, mr. Gus.

In order to power the rv,
we need to get weird.

And where are we
supposed to find weird?

Where everybody goes
to get weird.

The big city, of course.

Totally knew that, too.

You guys should stop answering
all my rhetorical questions.

Okay, guys.
The weird is here somewhere.

Ask around
and see if anyone's seen it.

[ Harmonica playing ]

[ Growls ]

Wuaaaaaaah!

Maybe I should do
the asking around.

You know something,
frankenstein?

My bare feet are burning up
on this hot sidewalk.

Yaaaaaaaaaah!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

[ Groans ]

Really, frankenstein?
You'd do that for me?

[ Sighs ]

Thanks, buddy.

[ Groans ]

Excuse me, ma'am.

Have you seen anything weird
around here?

You mean
besides frankenstein

Carrying a lizard man
on his back?

Nope.

[ Laughs ]

Doing the worm,
worm, worm.

Looking for weird,
weird, weird.

Anyone see
any weird, weird, weird?

Well, if it isn't
the ramirez clan.

Have you seen any weird
around here?

Hmm?

Uh, no,
uncle grandpa.

Nothing weird around here --
except you.

Seriously?

Me and my friends could
really use some weird right now.

How about you,
gorgeous?

You see anything weird?

Excuse me,
young man.

I was wondering
if you could help us.

We're trying to find
some weird.

Have you seen any
up here?

Whoa.

Check out these weirdos,
dad.

A talking robot
with a pizza slice on his head

Riding a flying tiger.

Riley,
what have I told you

About those weird stories
you make up?

Now close your window.
It's almost chow time.

Any luck, guys?

[ Roars ]
[ groans ]

[ Sighs ]

Without fuel,
we're stuck here.

What will
the children of the world do

Without
their uncle grandpa?!

Mr. Gus,
we got to get weird!

But we asked
all over the city.

Nobody's seen anything weird
except for us.

Hmm. You're right.

Wait a minute, guys.
Come check this out.

Everyone keeps saying
we're weird.

Well, tell me if that isn't
the weirdest sight you ever saw.

I'd say that's
a pretty weird sight, indeed.

What does it mean,
though?

Silly dinosaur.

It obviously means the weird
lives inside us weirdos.

So in order
to fuel the ug rv,

We have to journey
inside ourselves.

Ready, everybody?

Come on!

Belly bag: whoa!
Just look at this place!

Pretty cool. But where's
the weird we're looking for?

Must be in that mysterious
glowing orb up there.

[ Pulsating ]

Let's grab it.

[ All scream ]

Oof!

Guys, look!
It's headed outside!

We must harvest the weird
before it escapes us!

[ Roars ]

Whoa!

Gotcha.

Pizza steve,
let me give you a prong.

Uh-oh.

Hang on, tiny.

Frankie!

[ Growls ]

[ Growls ]

Okay, now who's
holding on to the orb?

Guys!
It's getting away!

[ Grunts ]

I got it!

[ Gasps ]
there she goes.

Good morning.

[ Sighs ]

We'll never
power the rv now.

And we'll
never be able to help

All those kiddos
around the world

That need
their uncle grandpa.

Wait.
What just happened?

I've had this blob
over my face the whole time.

What do you know?

Little slice
sliced off a piece of the orb.

We have fuel now!

I guess so, but a nugget
of pure weird this size

Will only fuel the rv
for 10, 000 years, tops.

Oh.
Just 10, 000, huh?

Maybe 20, 000 if we
rotate the wipers regularly.

Okay,
all aboard the ug rv.

Aren't you
at all concerned

That we've unleashed a giant orb
of weird into the city?

Not in the least.

Let's go, team!

Everybody get weird!

Now, this is weird!
All right!