12x07 - Echoes of Emptiness

[bunniefuu]

That was
a big storm last night.

I'm feeling very motivated to
keep working on my shelter.

Look at that.

A little bit more protected.

I just basically fainted.

If I had done that
anywhere else,

the results could
have been very bad.

This is Dug North.

I'm officially tapping out.

I need a long-term shelter.

The type of shelter
I've chosen to build

is going to be a huge
calorie expenditure,

but I think it's going to
really help me

be successful here.

OK, we go.
Easy.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, it's a catfish.

Mwah!
Oh, my gosh.

We are having catfish
tonight, guys.

Mm, mm, mm, that's delicious.

Oh, my God.

There is an antelope.

I'm going to go
and try to stalk him.

Winning this competition
means a lot to me.

I have to support my family
as much as I can.

They call this place
the Land of Great Thirst.

The great Karoo Desert,
South Africa.

We are in one of the most
inhospitable places on Earth.

Ten participants.

Whoever can stay
the longest wins.

It's pretty simple.

I found the baboons.

There's ten of them,
but I only have five arrows.

This place is dry, dry, dry.

The sun's beating down
on you every day.

I'm so tired,
and I'm so thirsty.

Oh, man.

I really don't feel safe
drinking this water.

This is a place to be,
if not feared,

treated with a lot of respect.

I changed my mind!

Oh, look at the size
of that thing.

There's a big herd
of wildebeest right there.

Rhino tracks.

Meat's back
on the menu, boys.

They call Cape Buffalo
the black death for a reason.

They'll just
straight up k*ll you.

We don't control the game.

Here you go.
Flooding.

This is nothing compared
to what's coming.

It hurts so much, man.

It's freaking ice.

So the question is,
how strong of a mind

do you need to have
to win this?

Whoo!

What the
did I get myself into?

Long cold night.

The last one to tap walks
out of here with 500 grand.

This is one of
the hardest things

that a person
can do in their life.

Oh, my gosh.

It's another great day
in Africa.

Middle of the night,
just restocking the fire.

Sorry about that, fire.

I know you're working
so hard to stay alive.

I'm working so hard
to keep you alive.

Because I didn't bring
a ferro rod,

I cannot let my fire die.

Every night, I have
to get out of my shelter

six to seven times
to restock the fire.

This is, like,
the slowest night ever.

It's really damp and cold,

and it feels like
I'm just sitting

and waiting for that sun
to come up and shine on me.

Hmm.

Oh.

So nights are becoming
less and less bearable.

I'm hoping to build
some chimneys

to make it nice and warm
inside of my tent.

Happiest time of the day,
when the sun

comes over that mountain.

I am thinking about
hunting strategies.

How can I get some animal?

Hunting is hard.
I feel frustrated.

But I don't want to give up.

I have to continue trying.

I try not to approach
certain tasks

during a survival situation
as a challenge,

but more of a way to adapt.

I don't want
to fight through it.

I want to live my way
through it.

When the river is dry,
it's like a paved highway.

I don't want to be a hunter.

I want to be the cat

that blends in
with the environment.

Look.

There's pig tracks.

Interesting.

Wow, warthog.

A very active site.

So many hoofprints.

This area, all dug up.

I could hunt them.

But the problem with them
is that they are so elusive.

This is promising for hunting.

I have spotted dens,
which I believe is a warthog.

Little pig,
little pig, let me in.

I haven't seen any pigs.

They are probably huddled up

right now
inside of their dens.

How far den go?
I don't know.

And are the dens connected?
I don't know.

Wait for a pig.

But right now, I need to
make it back to my site.

Tonight, I need to think about

how I will be able
to transport fire

without it dying because
it's quite a bit of a hike.

Perhaps I can k*ll one
when I come back.

There's more Paiute.

Let's hope that that
brings about a little mouse.

There they are.

Waterbuck,
my morning companions.

Anyway, so the plan is
to work on the shelter.

Today, shelter is
all about the mud.

I want to make sure
that my shelter

is protected from
the elements and from animals.

Quite hard, so I'm going to
have to dig it up a little bit.

I'm hungry.

I knew it was going to be hard

to get meat
on this experience,

but I didn't think
it would be quite this hard.

I'm really at
a pivotal point right now

where I've got to make
a decision

between fishing or hunting.

Hunting has been
a lot of energy out

and nothing in,

so fishing is what
I need to focus on.

All right, so we're going to
take this up

using my rain jacket.

I got some Paiute traps
out to try

to get some smaller rodents
for bait

so that I could get
bigger catfish,

because my other bait,
it's not working.

Ooh, yeah.

And in the meantime,
I want to be productive.

All right.

I am going to just build
a big mud dome,

and then,
I should actually have

a really warm space
for nighttime then.

It's warming up a bit now.

Start working
around the base here.

Wilderness therapy,

just the ticket
when you're hungry.

When I was about 22,

I started to wake up
spiritually,

and I left the corporate job
that I was destined for.

This could take a bit longer
than I anticipated.

I ended up going to America,

doing some primitive living
tracker school.

I just wanted to learn
survival skills.

I wanted to understand
about plant foods.

I wanted to learn to track.

I wanted to reclaim knowledge
that I'd missed out on

growing up
in the modern culture

that I was brought up in.

OK, just gonna get
this little bit done here.

That experience
of living alone

for that long
totally changed my life.

I did a lot of seeking

of what the hell
is life all about?

Nearly there.

And this is the answer
to that.

Being out on the land,

being in sync
with the country,

we're all here collectively
to look after

the country that we're on.

We're not just here
for ourselves,

and that was very powerfully
instilled in me.

Oh.

Whew.

Done it.

The rest can just be for later.

I came down here
to stretch my legs,

and look what I found,
an African fish eagle.

That's a cool, cool bird.

Why did the chicken
cross the road?

Because!

I crack myself up.

All right, let's go hunting.

The hunting loop I take
is fairly flat walking,

so it's pretty easy
to do every day

and not burn too much energy.

Wish us luck.

I see animals
every single day,

but, unfortunately,
none of these animals

are harvestable by my bow.

So I'm going to be focusing
on warthog.

I feel super confident
that I can find another one.

I know where they live.

I should be able to get
another shot opportunity.

Warthogs, where'd you go?

Ooh, look at this.

Maybe because their house
caved in from the rain.

Could be.

All right, we just gotta
figure out where they went.

How do we do that?
I'm not sure.

The one thing I can sh**t, and
I don't know where they went.

I'm definitely wishing
I would have shot

at those warthogs on day six,

but I didn't want
to be greedy and take

more than what I needed.

Hindsight is 20/20.

I don't know where
the warthogs went.

If only we could hunt
waterbucks, guys,

it'd be a different story.

Nothing to cook today.

For that, I need to shed off
a bunch of layers.

I can make fire and throw it
inside of the burrow.

That's going to do the trick.

I've spotted some pig dens,

and I have this idea of
getting them out of the den.

However, I need to get fire
to their location,

and it's quite
a bit of a hike.

My plan is to gather
dry grasses,

transport coal
to the location...

Here we go.

And once I make fire,
I will attempt to throw it

inside of the shelter.

Pig will try to get out,

and at that moment,
I will perhaps make a shot.

Just like that.

I'm losing a lot of energy.

I'm burning a lot of calories.

Ambush is a preferred
method of hunting

because I am not
exhausting energy

while waiting for an animal,

but first, I have
to get the fire going.

I'm starting to feel fear

that I'm not going to be able
to last long enough

to win this competition.

At the pig site.

I need to make fire with that--

with that coal quickly.

Otherwise, it will die.

I connect with my sister
the most when I am in need.

She is one of
my guardian angels,

and...

I feel her presence.

I feel that she is guiding me.

Whether it is true or not,
I trust the universe.

It's doing everything good
for me.

There, it's going.

Thank you, universe.

I'm going to try
that one first.

I don't think
there's anybody in there.

This might have been
just a silly idea.

I'm sure if there
were pigs in there,

I would have heard something.

I'm starting to feel defeated.

I'm starting to feel
negativity in me.

Heading back to the tent.

I guess we're back
to square one.

Another one.

Oh, the nights are tough.

Not sleeping gets me thinking.

Sitting like this
doing nothing makes me think,

"Man, I'm doing nothing.

At home, I could have been
doing this and this and this."

I got to prepare
a firewood for the winter,

which I'm sure my wife can--

can handle that by herself,

as hard as it would be for her.

I'm beginning to feel
that negative impact

on my psychological state.

My thoughts go to
unhappy places,

unpleasant places.

The sun will come out
in a few minutes.

It's a beautiful sight.

I am thinking
of my purpose here.

My wife needs me.
My family needs me.

My homestead needs me.

Been waiting for the sun
to come out every night.

What do you want from me, universe?

Where are you guiding me?
What are you telling me?

This is not the way
it's supposed to be.

If life is hard,

it means you're going
against the flow.

I need a sign.

Or is-- this is the sign.

Perhaps my purpose here
is not to win.

It's to learn.

I realize...

I am not...

invincible.

I accept my failures.

I accept my fate.

The universe
don't care about money.

For universe,
money doesn't exist.

Well, thank you, South Africa.

Thank you for teaching me
something again.

I do want to be a good
provider for my family.

Perhaps it's by
being there physically

and providing mental
and emotional support,

not for the money.

I have to do this.

Hello, this is Baha.

I am officially tapping out.

Well, nights were
too hard for me.

I have to get up roughly
seven times a night

to stock up the fire.

It's not a winning situation
for me right now,

and that's OK.

I realise more that money

is not what I need.

When we left Kyrgyzstan,
we had nothing,

my wife and I
and a one-year-old kid.

Then the second child was born,

and we had to move to Canada.

We had to start
from zero again.

It was hard, but we did it.

And the winning of
this competition

would have been
a huge help to us,

but I can't.

I think it's because
any other time,

I wasn't alone.
I had my family.

I think-- I think that's why.

South Africa will always
have a place in my heart

because being alone here
felt like connecting

deeper with my family.

This experience, being alone,
has led me to examine myself

and realise my values towards
my wife, towards my kids,

towards my grandson,
not just that they need me,

but also I need them.

Recognising this,

I don't need
to be here anymore.

This realisation
fills up a hole in me,

that little bit of a void
that I have

of not feeling whole
because of my past.

This is not the end.
This is just a small chapter.

Not every chapter
has to be happy.

Not every battle
has to be won in the w*r.

Sometimes you have to lose
a battle to win the w*r.

So this is
buffalo thorn fruit.

I've been chewing them
and spitting the pits out,

but I noticed the baboons
were just chomping them.

And I've noticed
the main component

of the baboon feces looks
to be this buffalo thorn.

You'll see the broken pits
in there.

I've been learning
from the baboons.

Anyway, just something
to keep my gut going.

Don't think I'm getting a lot
of calories out of it, but...

You know, it's good
to have something

moving through your system.

In this calorie game,
my approach is,

every day when I wake up,
I'm going to plan that day

based on my calorie needs
for the next day.

My priority
is around calories.

Today, I've just been
watching my fish lines

keeping everything tuned.

It's been a dry spell
on fishing.

I don't know how
to explain it exactly,

but I am going to go hunting

and not work
on the shelter today.

I'm not catching fish anymore,

and each day that
I don't catch fish,

I worry that those days
are going to keep adding up

to where I've gone too long.

So I'm making the decision
to go hunt.

I think my best opportunity

is going to be to ambush
one of these species,

meaning that
I'm hidden behind a bush.

I'm just going to sit here

and wait and see
if anything comes by.

Because approaching them
is very difficult.

However-- I think
all hunters know this--

sitting all day long
in a blind

comes at a much greater cost
mentally than walking all day.

But it uses less calories,

and it's going to be much more
effective for this game,

so it's the strategy
that I'm employing.

Porter was, like,
such a genuine boy.

I was excited
to take him hunting

'cause I like to hunt,
and so when he was 10,

I took my bow,
and he took his .22,

and we went out to the desert
with the family,

and he shot a rabbit
in the spine,

and it started
to make this cry,

and I quickly ran over
and dispatched the animal

as quickly as I could,
and the rabbit

that he had shot was pregnant,

and it had six babies in it
that were about to be born.

It was really shocking
to Porter.

He looked at me, and he said,

"Dad, I don't think
I want to be a hunter."

And my fantasy of having
my son go hunting with me

and that being a hobby ended
right there on that day.

But spending time
in the wilderness

doing difficult things
is a magic formula,

snaps us out of
some of the things

we might be
struggling with mentally.

It creates a new perspective,
and I pivoted as a parent.

I respected him
for his compassion.

Like, hunting
isn't for everybody.

Some people are just really,
really sensitive to that,

and that's a beautiful thing.

Nothing.

I am going back to camp,

and we're going to go
night fishing.

Stumbling in the dark.

So I've hiked to the far side
of the lagoon here,

and I've got a pole set up,

and so I'll let the pole fish
while I use my hand line.

I can't believe it's been...



I miss you.

Porter, he got in an accident
when he was 11.

He fell and landed on his head
and broke his skull.

That accident was so traumatic
on his brain

that it affected him
pretty significantly.

Some of the
self-discipline aspects

of his personality
weren't there anymore.

It was really,
really difficult

navigating that with him,
and later in life,

he experimented
with some substances...

Struggled with that addiction,

and one night
in the middle of the night,

we got a call just
letting us know that our son

had died...

From a drug overdose.

And as a parent,

you question
all of your decisions

and wonder if
a different path

would have had
a different outcome

as a form of t*rture.

Definitely loved him
the entire time

and tried to make
the right decisions

but didn't always know how.

One of the things
that helps a little bit,

for me, is understanding
that a life lived

is a beautiful thing,
no matter how long it is.

So we treasure those memories
in that time

that we had, even though
it wasn't a really long time.

Today is Porter's day.

My thoughts are about him
and his life,

and I'm enjoying taking
the time to think

about one person
for an entire day.

I'm not feeling lonely.

I'm feeling happy
and connected,

and I feel like
that can continue.

OK.

Let's check the pole.

Hm, interesting.

Oh, snag.
Dang it.

Oh, no, not a snag.

Nice.

Super excited about this guy.

It's just what
a hungry guy needs.

Well, that was a good day,
caught a big fish,

thought a lot about Porter.

Awesome.

I hear geese.

So...

what I've decided is
sit here,

conserve energy,

or sit where I might
be able to sh**t a goose.

We're winging it.
We'll see what happens.

You never know.

They're all going
to fly away now,

but then we're going to sit
and see if they come back.

I might lose my arrow
if I sh**t.

Need to think about that too.

OK.

I didn't even see him.

I didn't even see him.

I'm getting frustrated.

Hunting is a lot of work.

I'm getting tired.

And I'm being unsuccessful
every time.

I'm thinking I should have
shot at those warthogs.

If I took another warthog,

I'd have food
for another three weeks.

That's huge.

I definitely wouldn't have
to be wasting energy

going hunting
every single day.

But you can't dwell
on the past.

OK, bird hunting
is not my thing.

I'm over it.

We'll just go sit at our beach,

drink passion fruit daiquiris,

go catch some rooster fish.

Oh, wait, that's Costa Rica.
Wrong continent.

No big deal.

Let me get into clean clothes
and then take a break.

I can't do it.
I have to go for a walk.

I'm going to go for
a super slow walk.

If I sit around,
I'm going to tap.

I'm losing it.

I just--

Not having a good day.

I'm hungry.

The little bit of jerky I have
isn't doing anything.

I've never went a day
without eating in my life.

I've always had
some sort of food,

whether it's good food
or bad food,

whether it's little,

whether it's just
PB&J for a week.

It's food still.

I'm almost to the point where
I can't pull my bow back.

And it just sucks to know
that I'm at starvation time

where I just sit around, and
I don't have anything to eat.

All the game here
is not for me.

It's for 60 pound--

If could sh**t
a 60-pound animals,

I'd have a wildebeest
in a second.

Those things are super dumb.

But it's hard,

and I have to go on these walks
to mentally clear my head,

and it just wears me down,
like, energy-wise.

You know, it burns calories
that I don't have.

But I feel like
if I don't do these walks...

I'm definitely quitting.

There's no way I'm going


There's no way.

If I can't pull my bow back,
you know, I'm so screwed.

That's going to happen soon.

I've never had
rapid weight loss,

but I can notice
my pants getting looser.

It is a concern for me
because

I'm one of
the smaller participants.

I'm very worried
that I will be pulled

for medical weight loss.

I'm not a big person.

I can't out starve anybody.

This is what happens.

It gets to you.

And I just got to let it out.
I just got to get it out.

I don't have a friend
to cry to.

I don't have anybody
to call and vent to.

I'm going to hang in
as long as I can.

I'm not going to tap.

I'm not going to do it.

Ah, OK.

Now that we had a pep talk,
we'll be OK.

Let me put my jacket on.
We'll head back.

Guys, I see something
moving over here.

It's a giant tortoise.

It's a giant tortoise,
you guys.

Hi.

You're OK.

Hi.

I know you're scared.
Hi.

You guys, how cool is this?

I know.
You're OK.

Oh, man.

You're OK.

I won't eat you as long
as you don't bite my face off.

Animals can definitely
change your mood from terrible

to being happy and positive.

It's like a little kid
in a zoo

going and seeing the animals.

They get so excited
to see the tigers

and the bears
and the giraffes,

and I'm experiencing it
every day in the wild.

Universe was like,

"Oh, bad day?
Here's a tortoise."

I see these animals
surviving out in the wild,

and I know I can be
successful surviving

on what I can in the wild
right next to them.

We'll leave you be.
I gotta head home anyways.

If they can do it,
I can do it too.

And it's giving me
the positive mentality

to stay out here,

to push forward
and keep going.

You guys, I was laying
with a tortoise.

How freaking cool is that?
That made my evening.

I needed this.

Now, I have a smile on my face.

You know, like,

it's the little things
you got to find.

Just got to find them.

Thank you, universe.

It helped.

It's tough, man.

I'm off with my bow to see
what's possible today.

I'm going to work on
finishing the stonework.

The energy to make
this shelter, I think,

will pay off over time.

.
.

My legs still work,
even though they're tired.

No freaking way.
I see a warthog.

I'm still going to push
to go as far as I can.