03x03 - White Like Me

[bunniefuu]

Previously on the real world...

[ Judd ] there's this very attractive woman

Gets off the plane, I'm going to live with,

She talks about "young republicans",

I consider myself a real "bed-wetting liberal".

This could get difficult later.

[ Rachel ] puck's really a spiritual guy.

People assume he's just a little punk.

Talk to him a little more,

And you realize he's a genius.

When I found out I was h.i.v. Positive,

I started doing A*DS education.

Good luck, kiddo.

I'm gonna miss you.

Wow... We're here, this is our city !

[ Cory ] my whole life is gonna change

For the next four-and-a-half months.

This is the true story...

True story...

Of seven strangers...

Picked to live in a house...

And have their lives taped

Oh, lucy, I'm home !

To find out what happens...

When people stop being polite...

And start getting real.

Mtv's the real world, san francisco.

[ Judd ] I don't know what anyone else is thinking,

But I'm beginning to see those circles of tension around cory.

[ Pam ] she's at a point in her life

Where she can make any decision

And she can explore anything.

[ Cory ] I feel funny about being here,

And not having anything to hold on to.

I don't know where the grocery store is yet,

I don't know where there's a department store

Or a thrift store, I don't have a favorite cafe,

I don't have anything to hold on to,

And it feels really weird.

And I just don't know where to focus and where to go

And what exactly to do.

And so... It's kind of confusing,

And I'm kind of scared.

[ Judd ] I think she's really looking

To find out who she is.

I think that's what being in san francisco is gonna be about for her.

[ Cory ] my roommates that I live with now

Are very talented,

And do have specific things that they're aiming towards.

[ Rachel ] I'm going to try to find a job

With something kind of political,

Something where I can get involved with the republican party

Or the conservative policymaking here in san francisco,

And believe it or not,

There are things going on,

There's a conference, on thursday.

I need something to wear,

I'm gonna have a conference on thursday.

What, for what, "spenders anonymous" ?

[ Laughter ]

No, I'm going to see jack kemp on thursday.

Jack kemp was the former head secretary under george bush,

And it's rumored he's gonna be running for president.

I'm really interested in the things that he's done

With the hispanic community, in particular.

[ Puck ] it's just, I don't see it as accomplishing a lot.

I don't think that george clinton's ever...

Well, his name is "bill".

[ Cory ] george clinton !

How can you know what he's doing

When you don't even know his name ?

[ Puck ] nah, I know his name.

You can vote, you can change things.

I didn't.

If you don't vote, you have no right to complain.

That's how I feel about it.too late.

Alright.

[ Pablo ] tell me about the poetry reading.

[ Mohammed ] oh, my father has this club, right,

It's called "the upper room",

And it's a non-alcoholic, smoke-free club.

And they have featured poets,

And then they have open mic,

But I'm one of the featured poets.

It's a night of sensual poetry.

Ahhh...

[ Cory ] mohammed is a cool guy.

He writes his own poetry, which is incredible.

He seems to have a really good relationship with his girlfriend.

[ Giggles ]

C'mon. No.

Hey.

[ Cory ] she's so pretty.

She probably doesn't even wear makeup.

She's got makeup on.

Does she ?

[ Puck ] I do poetry, too, you know.

[ Mohammed ] yeah, you should come read.

It's open mic.

I'll do freestyle poetry out of my head.

That's cool, that's fresh.

[ Giggles ] I'm goin', I am goin'.

Let's go.yeah, go.

[ Clears throat ]

The man watches the fir stands.

Its height reaches the low cloud.

Its roots walk deep within the earth.

The man watches the fir stands.

"The man watches the first dance"...

So it's like a fir tree.

"It's height reaches the low cl--"

The "firs"-- the "firs" dance,

Like a fir tree.

Oh, I thought you said, "the first dance".

No, like, "the fir".

Oh, okay, "the man watches the firs dance."

Yeah, no, "the fir stands."

Oh, "the man watches, the fir stands", okay.

The man watches and the tree, it stands there.

[ Applause, cheering ]

All I need you to do is go like this:

[ In rhythm ] do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

[ Flute plays ]

[ Audience joins in, continuing the "do"'s ]

[ Judd ] we were at the club that mohammed's father owned,

He ran the evening, the theme was "black love".

I've got african blood flowing in me,

I've got native american blood flowing in me,

And I've got white blood flowing in me.

It's something we don't want to look at,

It's something we're very deep trying to get ourselves

Grounded in our africanness, our blackness.

We're gonna love ourselves, brothers and sisters,

We're gonna have to go deeper...

[ Mohammed ] I wanted them to hear and see

How fantastic a lot of the entertainment and talent is there.

[ Cory ] his father has created such an incredible place

For people of their culture to come together

And talk about their common experiences.

[ Pedro ] he read a poem about his mother,

And when he was reading it, it really touched me.

I remember you and I walking.

Even though I was , I was protecting my mama.

Mama, I'm gonna buy you a fur coat.

Mama, some day, when I'm rich,

I'm gonna buy you a house.

My mama would say, "try, do your best,"

When my dad would say, "is that all you can do ?"

I see why you married rafik and divorced,

Him being the idealist, you being the realist,

Trying and trying, working

And, "how can I make it work ?"

"How can I raise three children on nothing

"But hours a day, of eight dollars an hour,

Of six days a week ?"

Of "hey, I'll work that holiday,

"I'll take that extra shift,

"With the extra money,

"Maybe I can buy the kids something special,

Like those cookies they like so much."

If I could give her something to ease her pain,

If I could give her whatever she wanted,

I would... My mama.

[ Puck ] the poetry was heavy,

And I cried a little bit.

Hey, that brought a tear to my eye,

'Cause he was heavy like that.

Did you get that ?

[ Pablo ] yeah. I got that.

[ Cory ] seeing him come together with his people

And sort through those feelings is an incredible thing.

[ Cory ] I've never felt so white in my entire life.

Because I felt like,

"Gosh, I'm so freaking boring,

"I have no major cause,

"I have no really close connection

To my culture and my history and my race."

It's like, when you have to search through so many feelings

And so many fears and so much pain,

And find words for it,

It kind of makes you a stronger person

And gives you a direction.

I just find it weird that you covet the struggle,

That you're jealous of--

No, I'm not jealous of the struggle,

I'm trying to say,

At first I felt really bad, like,

"Oh my gosh, I'm so boring and so ordinary

"And look at this, and look at them,

Look at how..."

You're not boring or ordinary

Because you haven't been persecuted.

You're not boring or ordinary because

You haven't had to overcome something.

Cory felt like she should be tackling something bigger.

[ Cory ] yeah, I just kind of put in my journal

That I felt kind of-- kind of lost, kind of homesick,

Kind of overwhelmed in both the physical sense,

As well as the kind of mental sense,

Or whatever you want to call it.

[ Cory ] it frustrates me so much

Because I want to find something

That's really, really, really important to me,

Where I just know, "this is it,

This is what I want to invest my time in."

Sometimes it takes like a really long time.

How come you want to be a doctor ?

Is that what you want to be, a doctor ?

Yeah, yes.

Why ?

I think you get to know people in a certain way

That is very intimate and very meaningful and--

Patients.

Yeah, your patients.

[ Cory ] I felt like every one of my roommates was so unique

And had something so special to offer the household.

They're all incredible, incredible people.

Okay, so I will be on my way.

Pedro can help other people

By communicating his personal testimony,

And by saying, "yeah, I am h.i.v. Positive, and I'm afraid."

I want to get as involved as I can,

And do as much as I can while I'm here.

[ Man ] there's another, um,

Young, black, g*y man with h.i.v., "Sean".

Sean sasser.

Yeah, you know sean.

I think he's so cute.

He is cute, he is cute.

Both of you guys together,

That'll make a dynamite combination,

They'll make a dynamite--

I'm going to go out with him on thursday night.

Oh, you are ?

Yeah.

Oh, alright, you don't waste no time, do you ?

[ Pedro ] I met sean doing

A g*y & l*sbian march in washington.

When I came to san francisco,

I called him and told him that I was in town,

So we went out.

That's... Cory.

Yeah ! [ Laughing ]

I'm cory, nice to meet you.

[ Pedro ] this is the first time

That I am going out with somebody who really understands

What I'm going through

Because he's going through the same thing.

Any likely chance that you'd move out here ?

Maybe.

I'm keeping it open.

[ Rachel ] yeah, let me give you my pager number as well.

[ In helium voice] uh, yeah, let me give you my pager number, man.

What up ?

What up, world ?

That was a business call.

What, oh, it's business ?

Oh man, I think I'm getting a headrush off this stuff.

Ohhhh...

[ Man ] "empower america" was conceptualized, if you will,

Before the last election, actually, by jack kemp...

[ Rachel ] while I'm there at the conference,

It's not just to meet jack kemp,

It's to meet other people, other conservatives,

Other republicans in this area.

And maybe I can find a job out of that.

I don't know who "jack kemp" is,

And I think her politics are [ beep ].

[ Rachel ] you know that guy

That I went to go see, "jack kemp" ?

[ Mohammed ] um-hmm.

One of his big issues, 'cause he used to be

Secretary of housing and urban development,

Is when he would go into l.a.

And he would see what was going on,

He wants to sell the housing

That economically disadvantaged people have,

And he wants to be able to like,

For really, really, super cheap,

Give those people the opportunity to buy their house

Or that piece of land, and he--

I think that's bull--,

'Cause they don't have any money in the first place.

Well, he's saying to make it--

How you gonna take land from someone who's renting,

First of all, right--

It's not that funny of an idea, mohammed.

And then say, "now, here's your opportunity

"To buy this land that you've been renting,

"Barely been able to rent,

"Here, I know you've saved up about...

[ Puck ] cents.

$, On the side !"

There's no dealing drugs anymore.

That sounds like the stupidest idea I ever heard.

I'm sorry.

It may sound really stupid,

But it's very plausible.

No, it sounds to me like it'll make a lot of rich people richer.

I agree with you, I know that it's plausible,

I'm sure that they're probably gonna do it,

I'm just saying that it sounds stupid to me.

I just obviously cannot argue in this house.

[ Judd ] I could tell immediately, from the look on her face,

That she was beyond mad, she was really hurt.

[ Rachel ] he knows that I wanted to go to that conference,

But he-- by him belittling me like that,

Uh-huh.

I think that he, he really drew a line,

He really cut something between,

Even the personal side.

I think, it's very personal with both of you.

Pedro was pretty diplomatic about it,

Very diplomatic about it.

I mean, I know that my being in the republican party

Is completely the opposite of what he thinks.

He never belittled me, he never put it down,

He respected it.

I was laughing too, I know--

I don't care, it really, it's just--

No, of course you care, admit it.

No, I can care less if this whole house

Thinks everything I believe in is funny.

That doesn't matter to me.

What matters to me is that he would do it in a way

Purposely meant to, y'know, hurt me.

Rachel is a believer.

Y'know, she really believes in the system,

She really believes in the way things should be,

And I hope that she doesn't get hurt that bad,

Because society doesn't flow in that way.

I guess you just--

There's some people you can discuss politics

And social issues with civilly,

And there's some people who can't handle it,

And now I know mohammed can't handle it.

It's just so weird

How you can do some things that mean nothing to you,

And it's so offensive to other people, y'know ?

It really bummed me out.

[ Sean ] are you still feeling bad about that ?

[ Pedro ] cory was a little bit upset.

She basically told us that she asked mohammed's girlfriend

Whether she was part white.

[ Cory ] she asked me, in kind of a strange tone,

If it was because of her light skin.

And, of course, I said, "yes."

And she was angry that I might have thought that.

She immediately, like, got defensive

And asked me, right off the spot,

She said, "why did you say that,

Is it because of my skin color ?"

And I just said, "yeah, that was why."

I guess the question really offended her,

And I felt really bad.

Don't k*ll yourself with saltine crackers over it.

[ Cory ] the people I live with

Are from such different political backgrounds,

Such different religious backgrounds

Such different ethnic backgrounds,

And so, all of a sudden

What once seemed normal and real and absolute

Is just crumbling into a bunch of questions.

Good night, boys.

Good night.good night.

"Men", "guys", whatever.

[ Laughs ]

I might offend you by calling you "boys".

[ Pedro ] I love cory.

But a lot of times what I feel with cory is--

You know what it is with cory--

She's not confident enough to say what she thinks sometimes,

And that really upsets me.

[ Judd ] I don't think she knows what she thinks.

[ Pedro ] exactly.

A lot of us have had very strong experiences,

And she doesn't.

You know what she told me ?

She said, "you know, my race is so boring,"

And I said, "that is so sad.

Nobody should say that !"

[ Judd ] right, right.

You have a culture just like any--

It was very sad.

But it tells you where she's coming from.

[ Mohammed ] y'know, I wanted to talk to you

'Cause I thought you might've been thinking

That like, stephanie was getting mad at you, or something.

I felt so bad.

She's had that all her life.

No, it was no big deal, it was cool.

[ Cory ] when mohammed confronted me

About me asking stephanie if she was half white,

I was glad that he said something

Because it had been on my mind

Ever since the confrontation happened.

It was curiosity, "well, why is stephanie so light ?"

Y'know what I mean ?

And see, stephanie,

Having to deal with that her whole life

'Cause she's light, is like, "why ?"

That's why she asked you,

"Well, what's the reasoning behind you asking me that ?"

Right.

Y'know what I mean ?

And I didn't know if stephanie would bring it up

Y'know what I mean, that's why I wasn't--

Yeah, I was gonna say something to her, actually,

But I just didn't have a chance today.

I've been like thinking about it all day, too.

Really, well, I'm glad I said it then,

Because I didn't want it to linger...

See, I'm the kind of person,

I like to, like, if anything's out there,

Let's talk about it, get it out, y'know.

I wasn't asking because I thought white was better or worse.

Right.

It wasn't like, "are you white ?"

And that's gonna be--

Like that wasn't a compliment,

And it wasn't a putdown,

You know what I mean ?

It was just like a question,

But I don't know, I mean--

No, I know that, and she knows that, too.

When she left, that's why she was like,

"I hope cory--

"I didn't like, get cory upset,"

'Cause she didn't mean that,

She was just in a sensitive place,

And she was like--

And that's why she responded that way,

And that's why I wanted to tell you,

'Cause I wanted to tell you that she wasn't like--

She wasn't trying to be mean at you.

I didn't think she was.

I felt really bad when I came in last night, too.

I was talking to sean and pedro about it.

Oh, yeah.

That's cool, though.

I mean, that's honest, though, you know ?

[ Pedro ] she's prettier when she cries.

When I was a little kid, I called asians "orientals"

'Cause that was like...

That was just the way things were,

That was the term.

And it was only like four or five years ago

That I found out that "oriental" refers to objects,

Like rugs and food,

And then people are "asian".

You go to one part of the united states,

And people are very proud of calling themselves "hispanics",

And then you go to another part of the united states,

And they're "latino",

[ Mohammed ] yeah, "latino" or "chicano".

I had like to go back and say,

"Okay, what is this, what am I ?"

Am I a "latino", am I "hispanic" ?

And I go back and forth sometimes, y'know.

How can you be held accountable sometimes for--

You have to be held accountable for what's in your own conscious,

But if you don't know, y'know, it seems...

No, that's what I'm saying, you can't--

No one's holding you accountable for it.

Oh yeah, I totally understand that.

I'm just like a really sensitive person, you know.

Nah, that's cool.

But I'm like--

I'm really glad that you said something.

Oh god, girl.

[ Cory ] I guess that's what it boils down to,

Is I have to decide what's right for me,

And hold on to that, and stick to that.

One thing I do know I like to do,

And that I've done in the past,

Is working with high-schoolers and junior-highers.

[ Man ] everybody here,

In order to volunteer in the classroom,

Will need to take a tuberculosis test.

[ Cory ] so, I'm gonna go down on saturday,

'Cause pam is doing volunteer work for a clinic,

And pedro's gonna be translating for her,

And they're giving "tb" tests.

Put your arm here.

Don't you trust me ?

I don't want to do this.

You're the biggest baby.

I know !

There's your "ppd".

Oh, that was it ?

That's it.

Oh, that wasn't that bad.

Okay, that's gonna look like this in about an hour.

[ Laughter ]

[ Mohammed ] I approached her,

Like after we had the big debate about politics,

And I showed some interest in what she was doing,

And I think that kind of let her know

That I wasn't just out to slight her

Because she's like conservative, and republican,

And everything else.

He was like, not really apologizing,

But just kind of saying, "let's be friends," kind of thing.

And you can say, "that's how I feel."

[ Mohammed ] I felt that everyone else in this house

Should have the opportunity to really speak their mind

Without having anyone say anything about it.

I wanted people just to write something,

A statement or whatever.

Like an essay ?

No, not an essay, just a statement, y'know,

Like, "I feel so-and-so about this,"

And no one can't really make a comment about it,

It's just like you express that feeling,

And say, "that's how I feel."

[ Mohammed ] I felt so many people in the house,

Especially a lot of the women, and stuff,

Had just been talked over.

Yeah, but I won't like it if all you guys come out

With all these stanzas and...

And great little poems, and then I'll like, say...

But, see, it's your opinion.

"I don't like judd."

[ Rachel ] I don't have a poem.

[ Mohammed ] you don't have to have a poem.

I just don't have the creativity to write a good poem,

So I picked a poem that meant a lot to me.

[ Puck ] "and I'll admit freely

"That sometimes people get hurt,

"But will that stop me ?

"Nope.

"'Cause god put me here for some reason.

"When you get close to me, inside,

"Through all the hardened, scraped-up outside,

There hides a caring person..."

[ Pam ] "I'm afraid to let go,

"I'm afraid to hold on,

"I am afraid my spiderweb tales

"Will dissolve into curls of smoke,

And if they unravel, there will be nothing left."

"Pasadas las zarzamoras los juncos y los espinos

Bajo su mata de pelo hice un hoyo sobre el limo."

[ Cory ] "laughter, sorrow, fear, confusion,

"Love, loneliness, hate,

"All caught up inside, mixing, overlapping,

"Until the lines between them separate and dissolve.

"These are the walls which lock us into ourselves,

"Silencing our mouths and inhibiting our movement,

Until our souls can no longer be touched."

And the title is "love overtaken by fear."

[ Pam ] I was so glad that you read it !

[ Judd ] this one's called "fish bowl".

Oh... This is us.

[ Pam ] where we live.

"I've seen a big old fish bowl,

"It's full of different fish.

"They talk, they fight, they laugh, they cry,

"But they never clean a dish.

[ Laughter and clapping ]

"Fish are different colors,

"And they think of that a lot,

"It worries some to just no end,

"Others just smell funky and blow snot.

[ Laughter ]

"I wonder about this fish bowl,

"I wonder if it's big enough,

"I wonder if they'll nip at each other

"If the sea gets a bit too rough,

"I hope these fish know

"How many wish they could be with them,

"I hope they know when they're down,

They'll just relax, smile and swim."

[ Applause and laughter ]

Oh, yeah, great !

On the next real world...

[ Man ] dude, lots of nipple !

[ Puck ] the "soapbox derby" thing, this is like what I'm about.

[ Rachel ] a lot of these guys smelled worse than puck,

My date. [ Laughs ]

[ Judd ] it is very difficult

To be a heterosexual male, lately.

[ Puck ] that was just the hard shell of puck.

The little soft shell guy, he's in there.

Puck, I didn't [ beep ] on you, on purpose !