03x10 - Kiss and Tell

[bunniefuu]

What's your sign ?

Cancer.

"So much of life is about adapting, enduring,

"Putting up with, getting along,

"Yet, every now and then,

"Our well-being hinges on notfitting in,

"On notadapting.

This is one of those times."

[ Clicking tongue ]

This is the true story...

True story...

Of seven strangers

Picked to live in a house...

And have their lives taped...

Oh, lucy, I'm home !

To find out what happens

When people stop being polite

And start getting real.

Mtv's the real world, san francisco.

[ Rachel ] you don't let me talk.

There's no point arguing with you.

You don't let me talk !

[ Puck ] I'm asking you a question.

Prove it, tell me different.

I can't prove it.

Obviously, I can't prove it.

Rachel, we didn't have a relationship.

We had you playing around in my bed at night.

We didn't have a relationship.

And you--

What I am talking about, puck...

And you initiated us kissing.

No, bull [ beep ].

If you want to say that [ beep ],

You are just wrong.

I'm saying it.

Me and puck were hanging out a lot.

I really liked hanging out with him, I liked being with him.

I felt like our friendship was really cool.

And, um, so...

On three occasions, me and puck kissed.

Thank you.

[ Rachel ] you know, it was an extension of our friendship.

I cared about him.

I kind of just saw it as, "we're still friends."

But I was very open about the fact

That I was interested in finding somebody else.

I obviously wasn't interested in puck as a boyfriend.

She made the decision to come into my room and kiss me.

I was never surprised by the fact that puck and rachel kissed.

[ Judd ] they've always been fighting

Like they're an old married couple.

And they used to fight all the time, and that was cool.

Now, they fight all the time, and it's not cool.

That was a nasty one.

[ Judd ] hey.

Hey, what's up, dude ?

Nothing.

[ Laughs ]

Dude, wait a minute, where is my beer ?

Grab mine, I just opened it.

She's asking my friends to drink and drive, man.

Tell her to kiss my butt.

Um, can I see your lighter.

"Can you drive me ? Can anybody drive me ?

I know you have a car."

Can you just keep it down ?

No, it's my house, and I'm telling you,

I don't have a lighter right now.

[ Puck ] I still like rachel, okay.

I just want her to understand that I'm not gonna take her crap

Because every other guy kisses her a*s.

[ Rachel ] puck knows that,

Of all the guys that I've met out here,

That damien is, like, the perfect guy for me to go out with.

He's funny, he's got long hair, you know,

He's, like, the total guy

That I wanted to go out with in san francisco.

You look really comfortable there, rach.

Yeah.

[ Puck ] I was ready about, y'know, I have to piss.

[ Man ] do you have a boyfriend back in arizona ?

No.

She has no boyfriend, man, you want some ?

[ Man ] no, no, I wasn't, no.

[ Puck ] she sees a guy with long hair,

She instantly wants to like, talk to him and be friendly.

"Man, I just want to be friendly."

Right.

She actually asked me how I felt about maybe even her dating damien,

And I told her that

I didn't feel that he was the right guy for her,

But he was a nice guy to know.

[ Rachel ] I know for a fact that he did talk to damien

And told him to back off,

And it really bothers me

That he's having this kind of control.

Puck could never, like,

Treat me the way I would want to be treated.

And, so...

I mean, that's why we're best off to be friends,

And that's why we are just friends.

[ Puck ] she rides her bike up on the lawn, and parks,

And I pull up, and she says,

"God, I really want to look at the guys here, they're really tan."

Then, she sees this little fuzzy dog,

It's only this big, the dog,

So I walk over,

And the girl had an unbelievable body,

She's in her bikini, aw, I was dying.

So I walk over and I said, "hey".

I never took my shades off, and I looked cool.

Act cool, be cool.

Do you guys live together ?

[ Rachel ] uh-huh.yeah.

But we're not dating.

No, no, we're not.

Hell no.

Hell no.

[ Puck ] we're like, "grrrr..."

I'm a bike messenger. Well, kind of.

Oh...doh--

I love those crazy guys.

Really ?

All right !

Hey, that's the booby prize.

What was your name again, I'm sorry.

Toni.

"Puck" with a "k" ?

P-u-c-k, yeah.

She's so cute !

Ahhh....

Simi valley, I just smell it.

Simi ?

[ Puck ] yeah, we're hanging out, y'know.

We're drinking a little champagne

And eatin' our kiwis and our apples and stuff.

And she decides that she likes me.

I couldn't believe it, I could not believe it.

[ Rachel ] get used to it.

Get used to it ?

He's a dirty, messy boy ?

Oh god, that's, uh--

Basically like an understatement, yeah.

You might want to start liking mud and dirt and....

You want me to give you my phone number ?

I want your address and phone number.

I want the whole "kizaba".

Why don't you just come over ?

Toni, you cook ?uh, huh.

Can you cook ?

Um, I have a revised version of cooking.

Rachel can't cook.

[ Rachel ] puck goes out with a lot of trampy girls

Who don't have respect for themselves,

And who don't have the self esteem that I have.

And, so he expects me to be like them,

And I'm not.

I think rachel's a good talker, and not much on action.

[ Rachel ] I knew your arrogance

Would interfere with that shot.

Oh, really ?

Here comes some real arrogance for you.

Check out my walk, it's all changing.

[ Puck ] right now, we're not getting along.

She's being a little [ beep ]

[ Cory ] I think that puck really is very attracted to rachel,

And I think that he does really like her.

But I think that he doesn't really know how to treat people,

Especially girls.

What is the bet ?

Uh...let's see,

We could have a bet for kissing,

Puck, don't get smart.

A bet for sex.

Forget I even suggested it.

[ Rachel ] I am gonna be with other people,

And he can't manipulate my social life.

I'm an intelligent girl, fairly attractive,

I expect to be treated good by a guy.

[ Puck ] I don't really have anything

Constructive and positive to say about her right now.

I can say some not so constructive and not positive things.

[ Pam ] cory lent her car to mohammed and rachel's friends

To go to berkeley,

And when she drove it for the first time herself,

She found out that the clutch is totally shot.

[ Cory ] I was taught that if you borrow something,

You return it in the exact same condition it was borrowed,

Or else, you replace it.

The facts are you cannot complain

About what these people have done.

You conveniently loaned.

You did it.

You said, "borrow my car, here."

No, this is going around in circles.

I am totally sick of talking about this, puck.

No, I am listening to you now, pre-bitching.

You're saying it's okay for you to b*tch,

And I'm saying, it's not.

Puck, my car is [ beep ]ing broken.

I can't drive it up the hill.

I have a right to be a little bit angry,

And I don't care what you say.

She just whines, man, I don't know, whatever.

It's on you, cory, it's not them.

[ Pam ] puck is a terrible listener.

Telling cory how she should feel about the situation

Just did not help very much.

Completely gone, like my car will not barely run.

[ Puck ] cory, what are you doing right now ?

Puck, please don't lecture me.

But you're doing exactly--

I'm talking to pam about how I feel !

I'm telling you how to feel, it's on you.

Why are you telling me how to feel ?

'Cause you're whining about--

Don't start.

[ Pam ] it pissed me off

That puck wouldn't even let me listen to cory

Because he had already told her how she should've felt,

And the case should be closed.

[ Pedro ] I really find it impossible to deal with puck.

I think he's extremely self-centered,

Judd. [ Judd ]yeah ?

Who's on the phone now ?

He gets more phone calls than all of us put together.

Booger !

[ Puck ] when I pick it up, that's it, it's me on the phone,

And I'm hanging it up,

And they can have it all the rest of the day, I don't care.

[ Pedro ] I know that I have lost

Three phone calls, in the past week.

[ Puck ] okay, let's say I click over,

And the person says,

"Message for pedro," or "message for anybody,"

And I'm not gettin' up, I'm on the other line,

So, "why don't you just call back in... Hours,

See ya later," click.

People should be respectful, it doesn't matter what the label is.

No, no, no.

I think people are expected to be respectful,

But they don't have to do anything they don't want to.

The difference is that when people call for puck,

Pedro gets up and goes all around the house, if he has to--

Your fault.

To find a pen and get, you know, the number down.

Your fault, though.

[ Judd ] no, that's courtesy, that's not his "fault".

[ Puck ] whatever man, I'm losing loads of money,

And you don't hear me whining about it,

I just don't care.

Well, that's you, puck, I do care.

It is established that puck does not care about anybody's messages but his.

[ Pedro ] we tried to have a discussion about it,

And he's just getting up and leaving.

But, he's still part of the problem.

I'm sick and tired of you leaving every time we have a discussion.

All I can say is, I don't care about the phone.

I don't care.

[ Puck ] and then I meet the girl of my dreams.

And I can only tell everybody else to do--

Do what your heart tells you to.

I just have a charmed life.

So, hey.

So, you didn't have to change for me.

[ Cory ] where is puck, anyway ?

He's over at that girl's house.

He called to let me know.

Oh, he called to let you know ?

Yeah.

He's such a little kid.

That's funny.

Cobble .

Wait, it's on folsom.

You cannot go to cobble dressed like that.

We'd have to clean--

I can crash anywhere like this.

That's what puck rainey's all about.

[ Rachel ] me and cory have a lot in common,

A lot more than I thought we did.

We have a lot of the same problems with puck,

So that's also kind of a bonding factor in there.

[ Cory ] oh, man, rachel and I were kind of feeling bummed,

And so we just decided to take the night

And bond and be silly.

[ Laughing ]

[ Rachel ] we started drinking kahlua and milk.

"Waah", like he likes that.

We'll finally be able to--

We'll finally be strong enough to make him listen to us.

We drank a little more

Than I actually thought we were going to drink.

Are we ready for another yet ?

Yeah.

Whose are they ?

Guys just leaving pants at your house ?

[ Laughs ]

These are "bugle boys".

Alright.

You were gonna take a shower ?

Ugh.

C'mon, puck.

Alright, then you have to hang out,

With me taking a shower ?

"Just 'cause we kiss, you're just a little girl."

Yeah, but you know that--

You're tripping on that we kissed."

I'm like, "I'm not tripping, dude,

You're the one that keeps bringing it up."

I know !

Totally.whatever.

He's like, "you had the puck,

And now you can't handle it."

That's what he told me !

I'm like, "give me a break."[ Laughing ]

[ Slurring ] you had the beautiful rosa.

[ Pedro ] rachel and cory were so drunk.

I said, "puck, you're an a*s [ beep ]

You don't care about me.

"I'm on eight, you don't want to see me on ten !"

Dude, man, you're lucky you kissed me.

She's so drunk.

I know cory, she comes from meager beginnings.

[ Pablo ] from what ?

Meager beginnings.meager beginnings.

[ Puck ] this little petty pecking around of her,

Peck-peck-peck-peck.

I could care less, man.

I have a lot of friends outside of the house, man.

I don't need the little stuff in the house

That I normally don't deal with.

I found a rad girlfriend.

[ Puck ] point being, rachel, I think it's funny

How you can be friends with jeff and ian and all my friends,

And then blow me a ration of [ beep ] .

Is that odd to you ?

I mean, sometimes you say the meanest things to me.

Oh, like when you call me an a*s [ beep ]

Seven times in one day !

I say that after you say things to me.

And if you think I just go around saying [ beep ] you're crazy.

It's because you say things that piss me off

And I don't know what else to say.

Maybe it would help you out

If you got it off your chest, rachel,

'Cause then it would lead to, like,

Us getting along instead of not.

[ Rachel ] I think that puck expected more out of it,

And the reason he keeps bringing it up

Is 'cause he's starting to realize

That maybe there really won't ever be anything of it.

Rachel, just tell me, was it the kiss,

"The kissing bandit", and all that ?

Or was it just, uh, you know,

You pirated me in the middle of the night,

And you couldn't handle being an adult afterwards and be friends...

[ Puck ] rachel continues to act like a little [ beep ]

If she continues to call me an a*s [ beep ]

I feel almost obligated to be an a*s [ beep ]

That's kind of how I am, you know, I am the puck.

That's just kind of me.

"Mister-- captain, captain confrontation".

[ Rachel ] I don't care about not upsetting him so much.

I'm just gonna do what I want to do.

If it pisses him off, fine.

I'm saying you didn't want to go to the farmer's market--

Yeah, you're being a little a*s, don't you think ?

Whatever.

Right, whatever.

[ Mohammed ] c'mon, dude.

Bring it on, you want some ?

What's your problem ?

Let it be known, rachel.

Get it off your chest.

I'm kind of sick of your little distension.

Well, "anyway", as you would say.

[ Rachel ] whatever.

[ Rachel ] everybody came to my room and was like,

"He's such an a*s [ beep ]"

You know, and of course that's typical in this house.

Everybody's saying it,

But nobody's really doing anything about it.

And so, when I saw him do that,

I was like, "dude, that's not cool,"

And stuff like that, you know.

Every night, he's the one that comes to me, and goes,

"Mo, rachel's being such a little girl, da-da-da."

Every night, I gotta deal with that.

But I just wanted to know how you felt.

Everything in my life is going great right now,

And there's just one thing, and that's puck.

[ Pedro ] we, pretty much,

Are committed to living together for,

You know, the amount of time that we're here,

And that's what frustrates me about puck,

That he's saying, "I don't care."

[ Judd ] puck makes me crazy, too.

Everybody has their own way of dealing with puck,

And some people have broken down.

They no longer have that relationship.

[ Judd ] what kind of place is this ?

[ Pam ] it's thai.

Oh, I love thai food.

Homie-stromie birthday boy !

[ Pablo ] we sat there at mo's birthday

And talked about puck !

And mo was the one who brought it up.

[ Mohammed ] I don't want to be in the house,

And feel like I have to...

To be protective of people,

You know what I mean, when he did that--

It didn't hurt me,

But what mo's saying, it's the actual action of...

How did you feel about it ?

I was just more hurt by just the verbal stuff.

I'm just getting to the point where I can't deal with it anymore.

Puck is like so far out there, dude,

That it just, it's like disgusting to me.

Well, I don't think-- he's certainly not like a man open to change.

Even though he says he doesn't want to do these things,

Then he always backs down,

And really does want to be a part of the of us.

And really does-- really does care in a really weird way.

I like him.

[ Pam ] I do, too.

I just can't stand the way, right now,

He's declared w*r on the house.

Mm-hmm.

I have no need for puck in my life.

The thing is,

We're living all in the same situation, right ?

We have to determine now

What form of communication

We need to use to get it across.

The message has to get across,

Or the problem gets worse.

I feel bad sitting here talking about puck, too,

Just like cory does,

But unlike cory, I'm not afraid of confrontation,

And I've reached the point where I can't do it alone.

And, if everybody else is pissed off,

Then let's do something, that's how I feel.

Is the overall feeling, though, that we don't want puck to move out ?

Yes.

[ Cory ] yeah, I don't want him to move out.

No, I don't want him out of the house.

If that's the only thing that we have to use,

I think that's what we should use it.

He is going to see it as, "you guys are all conspiring against me,

"You want to throw me out now,

[ Judd ] "so fine, I'm outta here."

Fine, stray dog's out of the house," you know.

He's not gonna leave,

I bet you a million bucks he won't leave.

Mo knows him and I know him.

I think me and rachel know him better than anybody in the house,

And I can tell you that puck will not leave.

He's not "going out like that."

I bet you a million bucks.

[ Judd ] if nobody minds,

I'd like to, kinda, speak to puck on my own

Before we do anything.

[ Judd ] and I just want to sit down and talk to him

Because I know puck and I can talk,

And I know he will listen to me.

I have not seen puck.

I was supposed to have a conversation with him,

But I haven't seen him yet.

He's been out on dates and going around.

Maybe laying low.

Maybe he sensed what was going on,

And decided to get away for a little while.

[ Puck ] me and toni, y'know, we get along.

We're kind of like a matched pair there.

Because, I mean, we're just alike.

We're the same person.

[ Puck ] yeah, I got a haircut.

Oh god, it's good.

[ Laughs maniacally ]

[ Buzzer ]

[ Cory ] puck walked in, and he had blue hair.

So, I mean, is the color me ?

[ Cory ] you're so funny.

Oh, I'm funnier than that.

I am getting married.

You're such a liar.

Mother's day.

You're such a liar !

I swear to you, cory.

I'm not lying to you, I swear.

[ Puck ] I'm doing it.

Boy, they're just gonna be like really stunned,

The whole thing.

And whatever pedro is trying to do,

By announcing, "oh, I'm engaged to my lover,"

That's what I got, okay.

[ Snicker ]

This is like, by far, sicker than that.

Way sicker, man,

'Cause I am sicker than pedro.

Puck's not very stable,

And... I don't know what this girl is thinking.

I don't really feel like discussing it, please.

Rachel, it's all just so one-sided, man.

You're so petty about all this [ beep ]

It's not petty.

It really matters so little to me

That I don't even want to bother discussing it.

Oh, right, 'cause you're so above it.

Aren't you cool, aren't you sexy,

Aren't you together.

Whatever, puck.

Just get married and you be adult.

And I'll just be a little girl, okay ?

Well, okay, just--

It's very sensational, I think.

She deals with me a lot better than you, I'll tell you that.

Whatever, puck.

Thank god.

Puck would never listen to me.

That's why I said,

"If he's gonna listen to anybody, it's mohammed."

We all have a problem with this, you know,

And we need to do something about it.

Okay, we're thinking about all being here tomorrow at six,

And talking to puck then.

Let's just not wait anymore.

Yeah, to me, it's not even a halfway thing,

To me, it's like, "dude, you need to cut it out."

[ Judd ] we're not really planning on throwing him out,

And I don't think he's really planning on leaving.

All we need to do is talk to puck.

[ Judd ] "house night" tomorrow at nine.

[ Snickers ] great.

Having the six of us take a stand, um,

Might be the only way to get through to him.

And, yet, I just hate the idea of it.

[ Mohammed ] I know it's not something that we all want to do,

But it's something that we need to do.

[ Pam ] he's gonna be at his worst

When he feels that people are insulting him.

And he's always on the lookout for,

"Is this-- are people coming down on puck ?"

[ Pedro ] puck is a big part of the house,

And I wouldn't want him to leave.

We're asking you, puck, y'know, "can you do this ?"

And he can either say, "yes" or "no", or "I'll try."

[ Puck ] if you step on me, I'm gonna rage.

And most people can't handle me raging.

I'm not really too big on the compromise thing,

That's for sure.

I'm a steam train, man, there's no stopping me.

On the next real world...

[ Judd ] what we need from you is to be less abrasive.

Shut up !

You !

I liked you from the very beginning.

It was me and you.

I ain't leaving unless you all vote me out.

Your friendship is so one-sided.

It's just about you.

Don't get in my face, and be stupid.

I refuse to put up with your [ beep ].

I'm afraid to talk to him still, though.

Like all of us together.

[ Rachel ] oh, it's gonna be really interesting.

It's gonna be really a nightmare.

It's not gonna be interesting,

It's gonna be frightening.

You really think that he'll stay ?

Like if we say, "shape up or ship out."

There's no way puck will leave.

You know like when he said right there, at the door,

He's like, "cause my life's big,"

Like implying, ours was trivial or whatever.

He's... I mean, I don't know.

[ Sighs ]

Oh, man.

It will be interesting, for sure.