My senior year in high school
I had a contract to put my play on
and I was one of the presidential scholars
in the arts.
Aah-h-h!
I have to vent my spleen occasionally
and a gig's a good place to do it.
I go and do a gig, and I feel a lot better.
Let out anger.
I'd like to dedicate this song to my new flatmates.
[Kat] This is the true story..
[Neil] Of seven strangers..
Seven strangers..
[Jacinda] Picked to live in a house..
[Jay] And have their lives taped..
[Lars] To find out what happens..
[Mike] When people stop being polite..
[Sharon] And start getting real.
"The Real World," London.
[Mike] Check baby, check baby. Where'd Jay go?
- Huh? - Where'd Jay go?
To get theater tickets.
Man, he's a theater ma-a-an.
[Jay] I'm going to the theater alone.
I think it's, it's important to me
because I sit there and think about
"Okay, I can do this, maybe, in my writing."
"Or I can perform like that or I can relate to that."
It just makes it more special for me
as a, as a writer and as a performer.
[instrumental music]
[Jay] I mean, I'm in, like, a really scary position
right now, as a writer, because look, I wrote this one play
and it gets this big national award and everything
'and now I'm supposed to sit down'
and think out naturally and honestly another play?
When I first wrote my play I didn't know a damn thing
about anything, I'd just been involved
in so much theater, I knew what worked.
It's called "Bedroom"
because after years of life, this bedroom
and, well, this bed
has seen little more than a one-man show.
[laughter]
It's like, now, I've been, I've seen all this other stuff.
It's a scary thing to sit down
as, like, a writer who's won an award, who's done something
'and try to write.'
Weird.
[instrumental music]
[Jay] Playwrights or musicians
they don't have to get up at : in the morning
and, you know, go punch a clock or whatever.
I mean, there's no real reason for me
to act or be like everybody else.
So, if I feel like staying up all night one night
then that's kinda what I do.
What time did he go to bed?
- I don't know. - He's not doing anything.
I mean, I sort of, I sort of respect the fact that
he's, like, being more creative at night than in the daytime.
[Kat] 'I do too.'
♪ You know just the other morning ♪
♪ I was hanging around in my house ♪
Yeah, but he's not doing anything at night, usually.
I've seen.. As far as I know, every time I've seen him
he's only been writing..
He's been playing pool, watching TV, or writing letters.
[Jacinda] I'm really surprised that Jay doesn't wanna do anything.
He started from nothing and wrote a fantastic play
and produced it and put it on.
So, he worked from nothing to make something.
So, he could work from nothing here and make something too.
♪ I know I ain't perfect but God knows I try ♪
♪ I think I'm an alright guy ♪
[Jay] It's like I've been going through so much
of, uh, being out on my own and I just
you know, haven't thrown myself into, uh..
into making a lot of things happen.
And I've been, my attitude is I've been happy with that.
[Sharon] 'Hey, did you see that "Slacker of the Week" award?'
- Oh, yeah, I know. - 'Are you flattered?'
Yeah, it's been a while since I won something.
[Jay] I just think it was just a stupid little award.
It's not like, "Dah-dah-dah!
Roommates hate Jay 'cause he sleeps a lot."
It's just, you know, a stupid award.
To sleep hours a day and play pool hours a day.
Oh, I was "The co-slacker of the week."
Thank you very much. I was not "The slacker of the week."
[Neil] I resent being joint slacker with Jay.
[Lars] 'That's rude.'
Jay's just been roller skating and playing pool.
I've been pushing back the frontiers of music, man.
Looking pretty good.
So what's that supposed to be?
[Neil] 'A bloke who was attacked with a machete.'
- Ooh! - 'Tasty.'
[Neil] Well, currently I'm in a bit of a dilemma.
Because, uh, I'm not sure how much further Unilever will go
without getting some support.
Ideally, I'd like to see myself in a position where
enough people enjoy my music to keep me comfortable.
I mean, I don't wanna sell out Wembley Stadium
but I don't want to be living on bread and water.
[Jay] Maybe it'll look that I'm not doing anything
but, you know, it's just taking me longer
to start to get motivated.
[man at ticket counter] 'Your ticket. The show starts at o'clock.'
Thank you very much.
I was the first person in London to get tickets
to go see "Blues Traveler."
- And it's my absolute favorite. - Favorite band.
- Yeah. - 'Meant to be.'
When I was getting ready to perform my play
when I was going through all that thing
on my own, you know, me against the world, you know
that was the CD I'd put in my car
when I'd go drive in the hills
to think about things, you know.
[Jay] So, I ended up writing a letter to the lead singer.
His name's John Popper and, uh, just tell him about my play
and tell him about how
they're my favorite band, and what have you.
So I'm, uh, I'm..
I-I can't wait, it's gonna be amazing.
Aah-h-h!
[Neil] I quite like being on stage. I think that shows.
But before a gig, I'm very apprehensive about
what the response is gonna be.
We've cleared rooms before.
We've also had people standing on tables and cheering.
You never know what the response is gonna be.
This song is about a -foot worm
that entered my an*s last week.
[man in audience] It's not about your trousers, is it?
No, it ain't about my trousers, it's about the worm in my a*s.
We got there and there was, like, there were two people
running around in front of the stage, just wasted.
[Kat] I got the feeling that they just
wandered into the bar that night.
They had no intention of seeing any of the bands playing.
And this one guy was kind of playing off Neil
and Neil was kinda playing off him but it, it was just
some tension there, it just wasn't working.
I was asking you a question.
Yeah, what question was that?
Bone Ranger.
I would say that he was needling people.
I mean, the girl, you know
she got in my face a couple of times.
'Cause we were standing near the front
and she came past, like, really close.
♪ I got a problem ♪
♪ It's not too clear ♪
And then it got to one point and Neil was, like
had the microphone right in front of the guy's face.
And it was just screaming and the guy was just, like
at him with his tongue in his face.
Neil took one look at him and just grabbed him and kissed him.
[Jacinda] And all you saw was a tumble and a smack to the ground.
Nobody knew what had happened.
There was just blood everywhere.
'Where's Neil?'
'Where's Neil?'
He needs an ambulance.
Look at his mouth.
[indistinct chatter]
[siren wailing]
- Neil is in the hospital? - Yeah.
[Jacinda] There was blood everywhere.
Oh, my God, Lars, it was just everywhere.
'It must just hurt so much.'
- 'It's just chewed up.' - Oh, jeez.
[Sharon] 'Oh, my God.'
I cannot believe it happened.
I know, it was, it was just..
[Jacinda] 'Neil was like this on stage.'
And you know how he screams, "Oo-oo-ooh!"
Say what!
And he was screaming like this at this guy.
[screaming]
And the guy was going, or something at him.
And then Neil went over and like
did something, grabbed him like this.
- To, like, kiss him, I guess. - Yeah.
And he-he, like, Neil stuck his tongue down that guy
and the guy went..
...and bit his tongue.
- He bit Neil's tongue? - Yeah.
Really hard.
♪ The pain ♪
♪ The pain ♪
♪ Always in the veins ♪
- Ow. - Yeah.
Yeah, I guess, I guess he was bleeding really, really bad.
Wow.
[rock music]
[Jacinda] 'So what's gonna happen now?'
'Is he gonna stay in the hospital?'
[Ted] 'Well, no, Chris said she's gonna bring him back here.'
Tell him we hope he gets better.
'Yeah, okay.'
- That was Ted. - And?
I guess we'll find out tomorrow.
But I think it's pretty bad.
[music continues]
[Lars] Neil didn't come home that night.
He came home, like, the next day
in, like, late afternoon or something.
That was the first time I saw him.
Hi, how are you?
- 'Hi, Chris.' - Hi. How are you?
I'm good, tell me about him.
Neil can barely speak. Um, but he can mumble.
'He's had about stitches'
'on his tongue, top and bottom.'
'And it's black and blue and horrible.'
'And he's on lots of medicine.'
'And it, it was painful'
'and he can't swallow.'
[Lars] 'Oh, man.'
[Lars] I felt so bad. I had felt so sorry for Neil.
You look at him and he's off, he's just flushed.
He has every right to be in a pissed off mood.
He can't talk, he can't work, he can't go out.
He can't eat, he can't drink, he can't do anything.
[Kat] It shocks me down to the core
that someone can do something so extreme.
I don't care how drunk you are
you have to be pretty psychotic to be able to bite
almost all the way through someone's tongue.
[Kat] Imagine if he doesn't come back far.
Uh, don't even talk about it.
I mean, this is what, this is, like, the worst of it.
I mean, apart from listening to him screaming
in pain for three hours, having needles stuck
into him, it's just, he's sitting there going
"I'm never gonna speak again, I'm never gonna talk again.
I'm never gonna sing again, I'm never gonna speak again."
[beep] You know, it's like, "Neil, chill out," you know.
[computer] 'So here I am. Tongueless.'
'And to top it off'
'speaking with a * * * American accent.'
'That's rock and roll for you.'
I mean, I can wholly sympathize with Neil.
Because I, I do understand and know what it feels like
not to be able to speak.
It's a weird thing.
It's like you're in a space
all of your own.
You wouldn't wish it on anybody.
[computer] 'There's a possibility that'
'I may have some sort of speech impediment'
'but again, they don't know yet.'
'Obviously I'm worried.'
♪ Ain't gonna change ♪
♪ Ain't gonna change ♪
♪ Change change change ♪
♪ Ain't gonna change ♪♪
[rock music]
It's quite a significant injury.
You're lucky, in a way
that the blood supply to the tip of the tongue
seems to have been preserved.
If they tear, which loose in different part
had been any more substantial, it's quite likely
that the tip would have turned black and dropped off.
[screaming]
[computer] 'Unsurprisingly'
'they hadn't told me that this was a possibility.'
[heavy metal music]
I would say probably in a month to six weeks
we'll be able to tell if you've got any impediment there.
But the speech therapist is the expert there.
[music continues]
[computer] 'You forget how much you need to speak.'
A couple of times, I got stuck late at night
without any idea where I was
or how I could get to where I wanted.
At times like that it really comes home to you
how much you need to speak.
♪ You're on your own now ♪♪
[Chris] Knowing Neil, I can't see him, just sort of lying back
and, you know, taking this it's just, he'll try
his hardest to get speaking as soon as possible
because it's just so frustrating
not being able to communicate.
[mumbling]
Sorry, say that again.
[Chris] I think we're all a little bit worried
but we don't really talk about it too much
'cause it's a bit depressing.
But I think he'll pull through.
Definitely, I think he'll pull through.
[Jay] "Blues Traveler" was playing the Marquee Club.
We just went in there kind of early and, uh
picked out a spot right next to the stage.
[John Popper] 'Thank you.'
I was kind of standing there, just kind of
in awe the whole time, you know
to see these guys that, you know I'd listened to for so long.
[John Popper] 'Well, this is dedicated to Jay.'
This is a little song called "Hook."
[Jay] Like, the first sentence I hear him say is
"This song is dedicated to Jay."
[chuckles] And then the girls all turned
and looked at me that I was around and said
"Oh, your name's Jay, too, that's funny."
I was like, "No, you don't understand.
He's talking about me."
♪ It doesn't matter what I say ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ As long as I sing with inflection.. ♪♪
[Mike] And we see them loading their stuff up on the bus.
We're like, "Cool, they have to be coming out here."
So Jay stands out there and he's like, uh..
- I'm Jay. - Hey.
Thank you very much, friend.
Okay, I'll be seeing you again.
- Oh, you're Jay? - Yeah.
- I got you. - Oh, man!
"Alright, you're Jay. You're Jay, the play guy."
And they start talking about all this stuff.
- I don't think we're bonding. - I'm sorry.
I don't think you're meeting my needs.
And he left and-and a roadie came up and he said
"If you want to, this is where we're at.
You can come back and hang out with us."
So we go back to his hotel, and Jay was just talking about
like, the best day of his life, you know.
And I was just so happy, because Jay was so excited.
I mean, I had, like, goosebumps
walking home, just looking at Jay
'cause he was so excited and happy about it.
I thought that was really neat.
I'm outta here, I'm going to sleep.
Going to sleep, how are you supposed to be going to sleep?
Well, I've been up all day today and I'm exhausted.
Oh, I appreciate all you've done, man.
Man, thanks for the letter, I'm gonna read your play.
Okay. Well, one of these nights when you're staying up.
[Jay] Last night was one of the..
one of the best nights I've had in a long time.
Uh, certainly, the best night I've had
uh, since I've been here.
It was pretty close to perfect.
It really was worth the pounds
that I paid, that's for sure.
♪ On that you can rely ♪♪
[applause]
[Chris] 'Neil.'
Neil, why do you put empty egg shells
back in the egg...egg thing?
[computer] 'Uh, to annoy you.'
To annoyme, that's good then, you've succeeded.
[Chris] People's reactions have been incredibly sympathetic
I mean, obviously, there's a lot of amusement to be had
at the, sort of, ludicrousness of it all.
[Sharon] 'Oh, he looks so sad and all.'
I love that little furrowed brow and that pout you're developing.
It's very sexy, really.
[Chris] They all started to make fun of him
which is also, I think, part of the healing process.
Will you be back by a phone at
[man on phone] 'Sorry?'
Will you be back by a phone at
'What?'
Will you be back
by a phone at
[laughing]
[Chris] We've been in such close contact for the last few days
that we've kind of got on a lot better than normally.
It's quite nice having him not being able to say anything.
You can just, talk at him and he just shuts up
and can't say anything back.
Repeat after me.
- Say. - Thh-thh-thh.
[laughs]
I found all sorts of maternal instincts I didn't know I had.
♪ Oh I can't get enough of your love babe.. ♪
[German accent] My very exclusive technique for cutting the hair
is the haphazard method.
Whereby random chunks are taken out of the hair.
It is an art statement.
Look, looks a bit like a lawnmower has just run over you.
♪ Oh I can't get enough of your love babe ♪♪
[Chris] Neil being an unemotional English type
refuses to, sort of say, what he thinks
the future might hold apart from a slight worry
that he might not be able to speak again.
[computer] 'Sometimes I'm a bit depressed about'
'what the outcome might be'
'but I keep telling myself that I have to wait.'
I want him to be well, and I want him to be okay.
Alicia, it was perfect, yeah.
[Alicia] 'Oh, that's so great.'
I wish you would have been there, it was..
I mean, it was just so much fun.
'That's great.'
It makes you think about, uh
this incredible night wouldn't have happened
if I hadn't, just, you know
went out and written this letter to him.
[Jay] But he's, like, really cool, like, he's like the coolest.
Like, if I ever get, like, really famous, I'd like to
you know, be like him, you know.
Well, I love you, and I'll talk to you again.
This is about as excited as I get here for a while.
[laughs] Yeah.
It just makes you sit back and just wonder
all the chances you've had in your life, you know
uh, where if you just would have done this
little thing here or if you just
went ahead and risked this or whatever.
And, uh, the things that can happen.
The Fortune Theater's been around since
and as soon as I walked into the theater
I mean, I knew it would be perfect to put my show on.
And I wanted the theater so bad
even if there were just people there
just so I can say for the rest of my life
I can be sitting in a bar somewhere saying, you know
"There was a West End theater and there were
"you know people there
and they listened to what I said for two hours."
I ended up talking to the artistic director
a guy named Paul Gale.
What are you, in fact, looking for to do over here?
What-what, in fact, can I do for you?
I guess I'm just trying to get an idea for what my options are.
You cannot put a show on
in the West End of London on a regular run
under several hundred thousand pounds.
Which is a lot of dollars.
At least I think it is, it was yesterday.
I think Paul was just, you know, trying to calm me down
and trying to you know, you know
not have me embarrass myself, and embarrass his theater
basically, is what I think his main goal was.
There is one other solution which I can suggest to you.
Around London we have a number of
what we call fringe theaters.
'You might be able to convince somebody'
to give you a chance to do a show there
which will cost you very little.
And he might have for you a readymade audience.
Well, I-I appreciate all your help.
'That's nice. I, I think you'll probably do well.'
'You've got a look about you.'
Just keep at it.
- 'Okay.' - Keep at it.
[Mike] 'I'll be your agent.'
Can I be the prop guy?
I think he can get somebody probably.
I thought, I mean, originally, I was thinking, you know
that you weren't doing anything here and everything
'but I can see that if you're gonna devote'
'all your time and energy to one thing, then it makes sense.'
'Cause it's such a huge thing that you need to give it that.
[Jay] 'Well, a lot of it is.'
I don't want to spend my whole life saying
"God, I was in London, I had all this time
and all this energy to spend, and I didn't go for it."
[rock music]
[Lars] Neil has got two bands.
In fact, he actually does have a gig tonight.
He can't talk, he can't sing, but he does have a gig
with his other project
the more techno-oriented project.
[techno music]
[computer] Singing is also out of the question
but hopefully not permanently.
'Still I have other ways of making noise'
'that can enter me for a month or two.'
'Enter me.'
[beep]
[Chris] What he's trying to say is "Entertain me."
It's really tempting to say
"Well, I think he's learned his lesson now."
You know, but I mean, that's very patronizing.
It's just one of those things that was such an accident.
It was just so ludicrous
that it's hard to actually
try and take a lesson out of it.
I think Neil's a bit more wary
of where he puts his tongue in the future.
As you should be.
[rapid drumbeats]
[cheers and applause]
[female narrator] On the next "Real World.."
[Jacinda] I'm so used to being by myself
it takes getting used to again.
[Mike] I am the biggest wuss when it comes to talking to girls.
[Jay] She was like in Mike's bed all of a sudden.
Whoa, there's a girl in there.
I was just trying to help you out, I made a mistake.
[man on phone] 'Why do you keep dissing me like this?'
- I'm not. - 'Yes, you are.'
So what's your favorite band, Chris?
'You better say Unilever.'
Yeah, exactly, Unilever.
"I'm their biggest fan."
"Tiny Organisms," they're my new favorite band.
[laughs]
You should have come last night, it was very funny.
[Mike] I was into it.
Would I have enjoyed it?
Um, well, you would have been amused.
I don't know if you would have enjoyed it.
What was it?
Half an hour of unmitigated noise
with a bit of humor in it.
[Jay] No screaming this time, though, right?