04x10 - Disfunction Junction

[bunniefuu]

Jacinda: in the beginning

Everybody was nice.

Now we're seeing the different sides of people

And there's already starting to be little clashes.

Yes! Oh, do you see that?

Shut up!

Would somebody beat her?

Just walk up to her and slap her

Just voom! Then walk on.

Don't say anything, don't do anything.

Just whoosh!

This is the true story...

Of seven strangers...

Seven strangers...

Picked to live in a house...

And have their lives taped...

To find out what happens...

When people stop being polite...

And start getting real.

The real world... London.

[Captioning sponsored by the u.s. Department of education]

I think the honeymoon's over.

There's a party next saturday?

Well, you know, I'm working till :, so, like...

Jacinda: did you hear me?

I said, "does anybody want

To have a party?"

Not, "this is in stone."

People's initial desire to interact

And get to know each other better

Has kind of worn off.

When it comes to doing something here

Everybody's like a kid.

Mike: don't say,"let's plan a party,"

And then blame us for not doing it.

Jay: I always expected

That things would change a little

As people got bored with one another, really.

Everyone wants a party

But when comes to doing anything

Everybody says, "if you wipe my bottom for me, then okay."

Kat: neil, would you actually want to have a party?

I don't give a [ blank] frig.

If it's going to be that difficult

We won't bother about it

If everybody's making such a hassle about it.

Hours a day of the same people

You get sick of them and get on their nerves.

Jacinda, you got a dookie to clean up!

There's a little uh, dookie, right there.

Jacinda: where?

Mike: right there.

Jay: that's pretty big

For that small of a dog.

Sharon: the dog is jacinda's responsibility.

She made the decision to buy him

And bring him into our house.

♪ Yow! ♪

♪ R-ruff! ♪

Jay: the dog is cute.

♪ R-ruff! ♪

But, you know, it has its drawbacks

Like anything else.

♪ R-ruff! ♪

Oh, you already did it.

It's hanging out of your bum.

Why did you do that, legend?

The dog still hasn't quite understood where to do it.

You see this?

That's notwhere you do that.

♪ R-ruff! ♪

The dog seems to be

Having a great time.

Lots of people playing with it

And it gets to [blank ] where it wants.

Mike: anybody know

Why there's no dial tone?

Lars: I don't know, there's something wrong with it.

It's been like that since last night.

[ Static]

Lars: I mean, someone just called on it.

I went to the upstairs one, it didn't work.

Lars: oh.

Downstairs ones don't work.

Lars: really, that one doesn't work either.

There's no dial tone.

Jacinda: the phones aren't working

Upstairs or downstairs?

Nowhere. No dial tone.

People can call us but we have no dial tone.

I, i, I don't...

Well, there's been...

Neil's had about ten messages

To call british telecom.

Seriously?

As of last week, and I don't know if he called back.

[ Door creaking]

Uh, yes, I'm calling to find out

Why our phone does not work today.

I called up the telephone company

And they go, "oh, yeah. Everything is okay

Just go back and one's probably off the hook."

Okay. I will run back and check.

They said, try and unplug each one individually...

And see if we can get the others to work.

So I go back, "I checked all the phones.

"They all work, they're all plugged in.

There's something else wrong here."

There's nothing with our phone

So that it won't dial out, right?

They go, "oh, your calls have been shut off."

And I go, "oh, well, why didn't you tell me that

Five minutes ago when I called you?"

They said, "well, we're really stupid."

Lars: is that the word she used?

No, she used "mentally incapacitated," but I just...

Mentally incapacitated?

Is that what she said?

That's what she said.

"I am mentally incapacitated."

Oh, my god, we cannot dial out.

It's all you [ bleep] americans ringing your parents.

I blame you totally.

Well, I called them up and I did as much as I could.

They said we had to talk to neil forrester.

So, that's where we stand now.

They've been calling a lot. Have you...

Well, no, I didn't get back to them.

I kind of forgot the first time.

Oh, okay.

So, yeah, it is my fault.

Jay: I don't know whose fault it was or what.

We all kind of figured it was somebody else's job.

Mike: it doesn't seem like anybody has a clue what's going on.

I mean, there's, maybe there's no one

No one's taking any responsibility on themselves.

You know, nobody else seems to care.

And I am just

So completely sick

Of living here right now with these people

That have no grasp of responsibility whatsoever.

Mike yelling: hello!

♪ Bow wow wow ♪

♪ Yipee oh, yipee yay ♪

♪ Bow wow yipee oh, yippee yay ♪

The dog will not go outside.

It came inside the other day

It took a [ blank]

After being outside for an entire day.

The minute it gets back inside, boom!

It goes to the bathroom.

Lars: I think he's doing

Another one now.

Mike: oh, my god! It stinks!

Jacinda, do something!

Sharon: I've got the creamiest, fattest

Nasty-looking turd on my carpet.

[ All laughing]

Sharon: oh, my god, there is another turd!

What is with you, dog... And my room, huh?

Sharon: when she was asking us all whether we wanted

Or minded a dog being in the house

My only objection was that that she get a house-trained one

Because, I personally couldn't live with the mess.

So it's particularly ironic

That he's decided to use my room as his morning toilet.

♪ R-ruff! ♪

♪ R-ruff! ♪

Jacinda is, in a sense

His mother, you know.

She has brought him into the house, he's hers.

She bought him, she feeds him

You have to clean their mess.

My only complaint would be

That she doesn't remove it immediately.

And then she also won't bleach underneath where it's been.

It seems, that everybody thinks

I'm this ultra clean person and a total clean freak.

And I know personally, I'm just rather squeamish.

And I don't want to go near it.

♪ R-ruff! ♪[ Sausage sizzling]

♪ R-ruff! ♪

♪ R-ruff! ♪

Sharon: I bleached the floors.

I bleached the whole buggering thing.

He still did a turd, but...

He's getting better.

Jacinda praises him

Whenever he [ blank] in your room.

Then, I'm the only one

Who objects to dog turd.

He turds in my room, it's unbelievable.

Sharon, how can you make that sort of sweeping statement?

Yes, I'm a clean person. And yes, I like tidiness.

But I'm not like that the whole time.

I'm not into lurgies.

Mike: what's a lurgy?

The unseen sort of bacterial dirt

That you can't see but it's there.

You know the hand of the loo?

I always put paper on my hand and then flush it.

I never touch it directly.

How many people die a year from, like, touching...

Jacinda:toilets.

So?! Why do I have to die

Or gets A*DS from it

Before I do something about it?

Do you wash your hands after you go?

All: no.

You're serious?

You sometimes don't wash your hands.

I don't [ bleep] on my hands, so why wash my hands?

You see? The loo door...

So many people, they'll go, they'll wipe themselves

They won't wash their hands.

They're touching that door.

It's like, inadvertently, I'm touching their feces.

Do you have to wash your hands

Once you get out that door again?

I wait until somebody else is going out!

[ All laughing]

I would say the nature of that particular conversation

Was a friendly sort of jibing, you know, joking ridicule.

But having said that

Obviously when it's six people on one person

You can be overwhelmed.

None of you wash your hands...

Never.

So, you're touching

Like, public hand poles

Oh! Don't!

Don't, don't!

I can't stand it!

Oh, no. You're touching loo doors

You're touching loo handles, you're touching...

Neil: how could an individual sit at a dinner table

And be slagged off for two hours by six people

And still come out of it with a smile?

She's a human being

And it's obviously going to be...

Building up somewhere.

It's okay, sharon, we're all winding you up

And you're taking it.

I know it, I always get wound up.

I'm quite sensitive

Even though I may look like

I can joke everything off.

I can take things to heart but I won't say anything.

Mike: this last week, sharon's started to get

To me for some reason.

I don't know why.

All of a sudden

It just gets to you.

Where you just want to walk up to her

And just, like, push her over.

I've been bitching on her a couple of times this week.

And she just... It just bounces off.

She, like, never gets angry or sad, or anything.

I know.

You can't get under her

It pisses you off.

I think someday

She's going to break down...

[ Wailing]

[ Mike and lars laughing]

Mike: yeah, she'll just explode.

[ Lars wailing]

Neil: from british telecom's perspective

I can see why they were worried by a new telephone user

Running up a £ bill in about a month and a half.

And eventually, they cut the phone off.

Well, you've suspended our outgoing calls.

I received a letter today

Four days after you suspended the phone calls.

You never contacted me at all.

Which I'm not too pleased about.

When can I expect to see this itemized bill?

And if I go with cash to a b.t. Shop

You going to reconnect me that day?

Okay, fair enough. Bye-bye.

They said, "well, but we're not going to put you back on

Till you pay these £.

Hey, now, that's what you call a bill.

Mike: oh, my god!

Lars: that's going to take forever.

So I had to force my housemates

To cough up some cash and go and pay.

♪ Go on, take everything ♪

♪ Take everything, I want you to ♪

Since we're all here

How are we going to pay this phone bill?

It's not a question of what they can and can't do.

It has to be paid by tomorrow.

: P.m. £.

Mike: okay, here's the deal.

Jay and I will a.t.m. £ Out

'Cause that's all we can get

Cash.

We're going to need another £.

So we need somebody to come up with £ in cash

Before tomorrow.

I would do it, but I lost my wallet

And I can't even get to a money machine.

Sharon: I physically have about £...

Jay: if you have money to give us tomorrow, could you?

Lars: basically, I don't have no money

But I can go to the bank

And get as much as I want.

Mike: you knew the bill was coming?

Lars: yeah.

Mike, don't make stuff up

To blame people.

I never said, "I'm not going to pay my bill."

Lars: I'm paying it.

Kat: phone bill's dumb.

Not because I don't think

People should get their money

I just think we need a better way of organizing it.

Kat, have you used the phone?

Yes, I have.

But you can't pay for it.

The problem is I lost my wallet

I just got my replacement...

What?

[ Chuckles]: nothing.

Lars: the girls don't have any money.

So they're not paying.

Because they lost their billfolds

And their credits... Cards and all that.

All of them at the same time?

I don't know.

Jay: nobody really knows

What's going on.

Just, hopefully, everybody will pay

And I'll get my money back.

♪ Take everything! ♪

Jay:mike!

What's up, man?

We're paying our phone bill.

Look at all that [ bleep] money

To pay the [ bleep] damn phone bill.

Mike:£!

See you later.

Damn.

You know what we could do right now?

[ Laughing]

Hi, I need to pay this bill.

They were going to shut off our phone at : on friday.

So I finally got everybody's money at about : on friday

And went there, waited in line for half an hour

And gave them more money than I've ever seen before.

[ Phone dialing]

Hello.

Hey.

[ Laughing]

Love you.

Oh, great.

Oh, good.take it easy.

♪ Walking around with a chip on my back... ♪

What I think what I'll do

Is from next week on get my own phone.

I mean, it's seven of us having one phone.

It's just, it's just a b*tch.

Mike, jay and i, um, paid the phone bill two weeks ago

And we still haven't gotten our money back.

I asked jacinda a couple of times

If she could give me her money and she's like

"Lars, you know that I lost my billfold.

I can't give you that money until I get my cards back."

So six days ago, she said, "oh, by the ways

I have my cards now, I can give you that money."

Then she waited another week and I'm, like, again

"Jacinda, I would really like to have my money now."

She doesn't think much if i, like, maybe need that money

Or if it pisses me off to beg for money all the time.

She just, "pff."

Jacinda: by the way, lars, thanks for being understanding

For having to wait for the money and everything.

Yeah.

Cool.

[ Laughs]

You didn't get upset or anything, did you?

Um, I did get upset, yeah.

Oh, did you?

Yeah. Why?

Because, um, you told me

You were going to give that money to me

As soon as you have it.

Which was a week ago.

Which was I got the money out today.

You got your cards a week ago.

If I say to someone, "you get the money as soon

As I have my cards"

When you get your cards wednesday in the mail...

You've been gone the whole weekend.

I went flying the other two days.

Yeah, but bank machines are open hours.

I know, but I haven't had time to go to them.

I've been flying. That's ridiculous.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Like, the point of money is so silly.

I, like, have to laugh at lars, you know, like

Coming up here to complain about not getting his money.

You know, it's, like, "get a life."

Lars: I see basically two reasons

For me having problems in this house:

Everyone in the house is younger than me.

And then another thing is

Being ignorant, not caring much about your flatmates.

Soul asylum: ♪ frustrated incorporated... ♪

Lars: I'm extremely pissed off by the way

My six housemates treated the issue with my bike.

I have an £ bike

That got stolen

And no one seems to give

A [ blank] about it.

One day I came down the stairs

And realized my bike was gone.

So we just figured someone had left the door open

And someone

Came inside and took it.

It's also, like, of personal value to me.

What I expect at the least is someone would say

"Hey, I'm sorry about that."

It hurts.

I don't know what we can do now.

Unless we can try and find out

How it went, who left the door open and...

Lars: I mean, I can understand

Everyone being... Being afraid to, like, catch themself

"Oh, [ bleep], it was me, I did it."

I can understand that pressure.

But, like I said, it's just really hard to believe

That, like, I don't know, just no one...

I told everyone, and then it was like, "okay."

And no one ever talked about it again

No one seemed to care about it.

Lars: even though I told them how mad I was

And how much their ignorance hurt me, um...

Everyone just kept quiet and didn't say anything.

Jacinda: I think that there's quite a few people in the house

That are pretty apathetic about a lot of things.

Naturally, when you live with somebody, how they live

Is going to affect your friendship

'Cause if you can't communicate

You can't live on the same level.

Kat: you think we should play that game?

Yeah. Tomorrow night.

Should kick things up in that house

It's getting boring.

Kat: at the coffee shop, I brought up

The idea of playing the game.

It was more of a joke.

I wasn't expecting them

To take me seriously.

Mike: "slam! A game of mutual abuse."

Fill me in on the game.

This is going to be nasty.

Everyone has

A piece of paper. Each piece of paper has

Someone's name on it.

And everybody has to write things

About that person.

Fill in those boxes.

Once you've done it

You fold over the top bit

And you pass it round.

Oh, you changed it!

I made it more evil.

I thought it was too nice

The way you said it.

Why don't we do this?

The left side bad, the right side good.

And as politely as possible.

I don't want to take part in this.

Oh, jay, come on!

I'm just not comfortable with it.

You guys can write about me

And if you want me to read it, fine, I just...

Jay's not the kind of person that wants to say

Something bad about someone.

Jay: it felt wrong to me.

It also seemed like a cop-out in some ways.

If there are things about me that bother other people

I don't think it should be

As easy as putting it in a game.

Not to ruin

Your party, but it doesn't seem

Like it's a lighthearted, fun thing anyway.

Life isn't lighthearted and fun, though.

Neil: jay's just a wuss.

Can't take the truth.

♪ Slam, slam, slam, slam ♪

♪ Duh-duh duh, duh-duh duh ♪

♪ Let the boys be boys ♪

♪ Slam, slam, duh-duh duh, duh-duh duh ♪

♪ Let boys be boys... ♪

Mike: lars is already smoking.

[ Sucking]

Mike: look how tense all of us are.

Not me.

I'm confident.

♪ Let boys be boys, slam! ♪

Okay, the first person said...

Neil: who's it about?

You.

[ Laughing]

The first person said that

"You are exclusive at times"

And that, "you think you're superior at times."

[ Laughing]

They think I'm an intellectual w*nk*r, which is fine.

"You sit around trying to be intellectual

By bitching, but don't do anything about it."

[ All laughing and whooping]

It gave me an idea of how people perceived me.

"Oversensitive, demands attention, moody

Cute in the morning."

[ All laughing]

"Talks too much about unimportant stuff

And boring."

Ooh.

Kat: there was some harsh stuff there

But you heard it and it was gone

And then you thought about it.

I wonder who wrote this one.

"You don't clean your dog [ blank]."

[ All laughing]

"You're hypocritical

"You're inconsiderate

"Don't listen, self-focused

Sometimes not very smart."

[ All laughing]

Thanks.

Mike: everyone obviously said that I was too clean

And too a**l and bitchy about my cleaning

But I kind of knew that anyway.

"Pretends to be the... Big boy," I think, "with the, the chicks

But he's an enormous wuss."

Mike: read sharon's.

Gee.

Surprise, surprise...

[ All laughing]

Oh, dear.

"Talks too much, won't shut up, too talkative

Close your mouth."

[ Scattered chuckling]

Sharon: I felt a bit hurt

When they were talking about my talking.

I think it could have been said in a more delicate way.

This is lars.

The person says he's "vain.

Sometimes arrogant."

Wait, what's vain?

Vain-- like, I'm so beautiful.

Um, "sleeps too late."

Vain, that's negative, right?

[ Mike laughing]

I'm not all that familiar with the word "vain."

I really wouldn't know now

If that's a good word to describe me.

"Blamed everyone for his bike when it wasn't anyone's fault."

Okay. On the good side:

"A good friend..."

Lars: someone writes down, um...

"Lars is stupid because he blames us

For his bike being stolen where it is none of our faults."

And, um, I don't understand this point

I don't understand how anyone can write that down.

But I don't know who did it

So I can't discuss it with that person.

[ All clapping]

Jacinda: that was a damn good game

And nobody is pissed, are they?

Sharon: I think it was good!

Who feels good about it?

Kat: I feel good about it.

Neil: nothing too astounding coming out

But a few little barbed comments

That will have stuck in the flesh

And hopefully will begin to fester.

A couple of people have come to me and said

"I'm not sure about that game.

It's a bit dangerous."

That's exactly what I wanted.

On the nextreal world...

Lars: I had mixed feelings about

Going on a weekend trip with my flatmates.

[ Yelling]

The whole reason for us being put there was to bond.

[ Screams] stop it!

All you seem to care about

Is winning this argument.

[ Yelling]: geronimo!

Filthy, filthy boy.

That's a good boy, legend, that's a good boy.

[ Whirring]

[ Barking]

I'm not putting it on your face.

Just there. [ Barking]

It's only a dryer.

You do this every time.

[ Barking]legend!