09x15 - All Talk And No Walk

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[Jamie] This is the true story...

[Matt] ...of seven strangers...

[Melissa] ...picked to live in a mansion...

[Kelley] ...work together...

[Danny] ...and have their lives taped.

[David] To find out what happens...

[Julie] ...when people stop being polite...

[Danny] ...and start getting real.

-The Real World...
-[Julie] ...New Orleans!

[theme music concludes]

[djembe music playing]

I'm producing the next show,
Real 7 On Seventy-Seven, on African music.

How tribal music has provided
the foundation

for jazz, blues, hip-hop, rap music.

[djembe music concludes]

[Matt] Whoo! Yeah.

This brings us back to Africa, man.

Next Saturday night,
the show starts at 7:00.

We should have a pretty good panel.
It'll be a fun discussion.

But thanks, everybody, thank you.

[upbeat music playing]

[Julie] When are your parents coming?

-Tomorrow.
-Oh, wow.

And then Paul is coming Thursday.

My dad's never met Paul before.

-It's going to be fun.
-[Melissa] Oh, my goodness.

My parents know that I am this way
and they also know that Paul exists.

So, for the first time in my life,

I can be honest about who I'm seeing
and they can meet this person.

I played tennis all through high school.

My dad came to one match,
and he left before I even played.

I am still so pissed about that.

To this day, I'm still pissed
'cause he never came to my tennis matches.

[Melissa] That stuff matters though.
Big-time.

[Danny] I'm so jealous of guys
whose dads are like,

"My dad taught me how to play baseball."

Or whatever. Just stupid.
My dad never did any of that with me.

Never took me to anything,
never did anything.

I see that
he is making an honest attempt

to improve things between us,
but I see it's going to take years

to get over my hang-ups with him.

You're so lucky to have an escape.
You just light up when Paul's here.

[Danny] 'Cause I never had somebody before

and it just puts
a whole new perspective on life.

Something is up
'cause it is too good to be true.

He has to have one testicle
or something weird. [laughs]

No, and I can assure you
that's not the case.

-[both laugh]
-[upbeat music playing]

[Paul] Yesterday, I almost thought
I wasn't going to go.

-Why?
-[Paul] I have no idea.

You're starting worry about all this,
aren't you?

I'm definitely worried about Paul

and the issues
with his identity in the military.

You know, it has to stay hidden.

-You'll be here Thursday evening?
-[Paul] I will call you before I leave.

-[Danny] I love you, kid.
-[Paul] All right.

-Bye.
-Bye.

[music continues]

[automated female voice]
Connecting to OnStar.

Can you tell us
how to get to Enterprise Rental Car?

-[man] Enterprise Rental Car, New Orleans?
-[Danny] Yeah.

[tense music playing]

[Danny] Being around
my parents is just a lot of stress.

They're very religious. They're Baptists.

It's so conservative
and just suffocates you.

Yeah, that's the hot tub.
All right, let's go upstairs.

-You guys use that?
-Yeah. We use the hot tub a lot.

[swing music playing]

[laughs]

[Danny] Just fun at Mardi Gras time

'cause all the parades would go down
St. Charles Avenue.

[swing music continues]

-[women cheering]
-[laughs]

Come on, I'll show you my bedroom.

[tense music playing]

[Jamie] I think it's feasible

-to do a show this Saturday.
-[Elton] Okay.

I mean, my concern
is that it's almost Wednesday right now

and I think we want to add Luther
and another person.

I think we'll have enough content

for the next show
to produce something pretty cool.

If it happens, then the show happens.
But if it doesn't,

-then we're sort of scrapping for content.
-[Elton] Right.

Can you guys pull all this stuff off,
you know, before Saturday?

That's what I'm rolling with.
I'm in the dark about a lot of things.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[Danny's mom] It's 2:30 now.

You have to go to the airport
to pick Paul up?

No. He's coming in his car,
and then he's gonna come over at 4:00.

Be sure to check if he's here yet.

[Danny] I have a million scenarios
running through my head.

I have imagined that my dad
is really cold and indifferent

and especially doesn't want
to talk to Paul.

Okay, g*ng.

-Is everybody done?
-Yeah.

[doorbell ringing]

-Hey.
-[Paul] Hi, Drew. How you doing?

All right. How are you?

[Paul] Danny.

-[Danny] Paul?
-[Paul] Where are you? Which one?

[Danny] This stall.

Can I cuddle with you
before my parents get here?

-[Paul] Yeah.
-[Danny smooches]

Is anybody home?

-Is anybody home?
-[Danny] Yeah, we're right here.

-[Danny's dad] All right.
-Hey.

-[Danny] How you doing?
-[Danny's mom] All right.

-This is Paul.
-[Paul] How are you?

-That's my dad, Steve.
-[Danny's dad] All right.

-[Paul] How you doing, sir?
-[Danny] And you remember Mom.

-[Danny] Did y'all find the grocery store?
-Yeah.

Can we bring you the grill
so you can wash it off?

Any Brillo pads?

-Do you guys keep these bags?
-[Danny] No.

[Paul] I should k*ll you for this.

I didn't realize
it was gonna overlap like this.

[Paul] I know.

-Come on, let's go outside.
-[Paul] Yeah.

[Danny's dad] The handle's
about to fall off of it.

[Danny] We don't have any tools,
so we did our best.

My dad knows what's up with me.
The thing is I'm not sure

if he really understood
the dynamic between me and Paul, though.

Can I have the keys to the car?
We're going to go get some ice.

[Matt] Paul's relationship
with Danny is a h*m* act.

Having h*m* feelings is not wrong,
but when you give in to those temptations,

-then it is wrong.
-[tense music concludes]

-So, how you doing?
-[Paul] I'm doing great.

Your mom makes me
instantly feel at home, so...

[Danny] Yeah, Mom's awesome.

[upbeat music playing]

[Melissa] This is so good.

[all groaning]

That's affirmative.

-See? That's good sweet tea right there.
-[Matt] We're not used to this.

Having a meal on a plate here,
this doesn't happen.

-[Melissa] This was so good.
-[Danny's mom] Thank you.

'Cause for me to not be talking,
it is good.

-Hey, g*ng.
-[Matt] Thanks for the dinner.

-Very nice meeting you, sir.
-You too.

-Y'all have a good evening.
-[Danny] Good night.

[somber music playing]

[Danny] Thanks again, Mom, and Dad.

[Paul] Things go well?

I didn't want to shove anything
in their face or anything.

You know what I mean?

[Matt] I think Danny's mother understood

Paul's relationship with Danny,
but I'm not sure

Danny's father understood
the relationship.

I'm walking down to the edge.

Sure.

I'm going to watch him
fall in the water, then we'll go.

[Paul] They're gonna tumble on that hill,
then fall right in that nasty water.

[Danny's dad] Yeah.

[Paul] You've been
all over the States, haven't you?

Actually, no.

I just mostly stayed
on the eastern side of the United States.

-Always wanted to see Colorado.
-[Paul chuckles]

[Danny's dad]
I've heard it's such a beautiful place.

[Paul] Colorado is beautiful.
All the mountains and everything.

[Danny] My dad treats him
the same way as any of my other friends.

There's no difference.

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct shouting]

This is a production right here.

"Dysfunctional tree climbing 101."

[Paul] It's the only way
I could get you all in.

-[upbeat music concludes]
-[Danny] Anyhow, Paul liked both of y'all.

[Danny's mom] Was he disappointed
that Dad didn't know who he was?

I didn't tell him that.
He would've been disappointed.

He was happy
'cause Dad was so cool to him.

Definitely in my past,
there has been very little communication,

especially with my family.

I figured he's smart enough
to put two and two together

and figure out he's not just some guy
hanging out at the Real World house.

You know, I've gotten to this point
doing things the way I have,

but to move ahead, I have to, like,
stop brushing these things aside,

pull 'em all out
and really deal with them.

[Danny's mom] Dad wanted to know,
"Who was he?"

And I told him he was one
of your friends from Atlanta.

I didn't say he was an intimate friend.

-It's called boyfriend, Ma.
-[Danny's mom] Well, I know that. Okay.

You can say that.

[Danny's mom] Maybe someday,
I'll get to the point where I can say that

and feel comfortable.

[upbeat music playing]

[Paul] This drive's gonna k*ll me.

-You'll be all right?
-[Paul] Yeah, yeah.

[Matt] I was taken aback
because Danny and Paul's relationship

was different.

You know, loving relationship,
total dedication.

I was like, "All right, this is new."
Let's see what this is like.

[Jamie] Everyone in?

I'm very confident
how this show is going to play out.

We have one representative, Luther Gray,
who's gonna talk about tribal rhythms.

We have a jazz guy.

We're going to try and track down
a blues guy, and a rap aficionado.

Basically, we're going to do
a 20-minute dialogue

-on the evolution of Black music.
-I don't think it's a secret to anyone

that Jamie could give a damn
about this job,

but he also wants things
to be as extravagant as possible.

[Jamie] I'm going to get basic bios,
and I'd like each host

to present our guest.

You gonna tell us which guest
we're supposed to be working with?

-[Jamie] Yeah. The guest you introduce...
-Before Saturday?

Oh, yeah. Before Saturday. Um...

-So, anyway...
-[laughs]

[Jamie] There is this ether
in between Danny, Kelley, and I

that is tense.

Their vibe is clearly projected onto me.

-[railway crossing signal ringing]
-[Danny] I cannot stop laughing

'cause all of a sudden
Jamie cares about this TV show.

[indistinct chatter]

And usually, we're more like,
"Jamie, are you listening?"

It was just so funny 'cause he was just
like Mr. Businessman all of sudden.

"I'm going to sound really cool
for about ten minutes here and..."

[Kelley] You know what I noticed?

If it's not his a*s on the line,
he doesn't give a damn.

[Danny] That's why I was laughing so hard.

He doesn't even talk.
He doesn't even listen.

He's over there
playing games on his cell phone.

[Kelley] But when it's his show,
"Ooh, let's make this

the tightest show you've ever seen.
Can I get to know their vibe?"

If he doesn't tell me
what we're talking about,

-I won't have anything to say.
-[Danny] No, he will.

He'll do it all right
'cause he doesn't want to look bad.

-[telephone line ringing]
-[tense music playing]

Hello. I'm calling from NOATV,
which is New Orleans Access Television,

and we're putting together
this live TV show this Saturday night.

-Oh, you're gonna be in New York?
-[man] Yeah.

-[Jamie] Hey, listen, have a great trip.
-[man] Okay.

[telephone line ringing, beeps]

We're doing this TV show
this Saturday night at seven o'clock.

You are? Do you know
of any one of your friends who might

want to do it
and knows a lot about music?

-[telephone line ringing]
-Hello, is Jordan there?

I'm trying to put together

a panel of intelligent minds
on the subject

to discuss Black music in general.

You are? Do you know of anybody
that might be available?

[music concludes]

[electronic music playing]

[Matt] I'm still open-minded
about a lot of things,

but I'm still firmly Catholic, 100%.

Matt is a super cool kid,
but he makes me feel weird as hell

after I hang out with him
for a little while.

I don't know what it is.

He really thinks, like,
something's wrong with being g*y.

-He thinks it's wrong.
-[Kelley] Oh, I didn't think of that.

[Danny] With Matt,
I should really deal with that

because it's really
hindering our relationship,

me getting to know him more.

Your beliefs say that it's wrong.

And that's what I want you
to talk to me about.

I mean, do you honestly
believe it's wrong?

Sexuality was given to us
by God to unite people, you know?

And from that,
the fruit of that love is, like, children.

And any time you take either
of those out of it,

you take the love away

or you take away
the opportunity for children to be made,

then you're not fulfilling,
I'm not fulfilling,

what God created sexuality for.

Go work with God with that,
because when it comes down to it, that's...

the decider, you know?

[Danny] I seriously feel like
I do have a relationship with God

and I'm, like, so certain about it.
There's no doubt in my mind.

You know, I see your relationship
and I see that it's real.

I don't cringe, you know?

I don't think,
"Oh, that Danny's going to hell."

You sit there
and say that, "I don't judge,"

-but I really do believe you do.
-I'm not judging.

I have my beliefs, but I'm not
pointing fingers and condemning.

I support you. You know, you're my friend.

-You know, you are.
-[upbeat music playing]

-Let's do, like, a high five. [laughs]
-[laughs]

[Danny] It's all good.
I feel much better now.

Well, that's good to hear, dude.
I feel better too.

And right now,
how do I feel about h*m*?

I'm still learning.

If you ever want to come to mass with me,
you know, I go all the time.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jamie] I'm going to write all the names

and the telephone numbers
of everyone that's gonna be on the show.

I guarantee,
once you get to know these people,

you'll be able to formulate questions
when you...

Okay, just give me their names
and I'll go look stuff up.

-[Jamie] All right.
-Thank you.

[Jamie] When Kelley wakes up
in the morning,

I won't even interact with her
if she's annoyed.

b*tch.

-[upbeat music concludes]
-What happened?

The time sheets that Danny needs,
it's not done.

You need to know who's gonna open...
which camera's going to open

-on which person.
-[Danny] I need names.

-That's all I need to know.
-Okay.

Whoever produces the show,
I said I need this first thing

when we get here.

I thought we got it done.
When I gave it to Stephanie,

-we did it a couple days ago.
-Where's it at?

The one I showed you
before that you didn't like?

But it's still a skeleton.
That would help a lot.

-[Jamie] Yeah.
-It's at home.

Just chill out.
We got an hour. Let's just do it.

No, I'm not going to chill out.
Don't tell me that again.

These have to be entered
into the computer ahead of time.

-Okay. I'm going to do it right now. Done.
-[tense music playing]

Danny needs to know exactly what you want.

-Right.
-Okay?

On the program sheet.

On this program sequence sheet,
'cause he's calling this from...

-You're on camera. But he...
-Right, so how do I...

how should I expand...
expound on that?

He needs to have an idea on...

[Jamie] Let me go meet one of the guests.

-Hey, Luther, how you doing?
-What's up, Jamie?

Thank you so much for coming.

-That's George Porter.
-Hey, George Porter. How you doing?

Do you know enough about the guests?

-Do you?
-No, we don't.

It's really like a free-flowing discussion
on the evolution of Black music.

[Kelley] His tactic is to get
the best-known names

that he can find,
except for what he forgot

is that you also need to know
who you're talking to.

Otherwise, you're just gonna have
these really cool people

who are gonna sound really stupid
and it's gonna be your fault.

[Julie] I don't know anything
about this show.

Do you have any questions about anything?

-Yeah. What are we doing?
-[laughs]

We don't have any idea.
Y'all kept us in the dark.

All right, guys. It's almost show time.

[Matt] We have the New Orleans
musical all-stars.

But we really have no clue
who these people are.

Wait, where's Matt sitting?

-[Danny] Jamie, what's up?
-[Stephanie] One minute, everyone.

[crew member] Wait, I can't tell a thing.

Thirty seconds.

Somebody's supposed to have
a tight shot on Melissa.

-[crew member] We don't have enough time.
-Five, four, three, two, one.

[theme music plays, ends]

Good evening. Welcome to The Real 7.

Things are just not going
according to plan.

So what kind of instruments,
do you all play in particular?

This show is just turning out
to be a disaster.

[Danny] We have our four hosts
sitting on stage

like a bump on a log
'cause they don't know

-what the hell's going on.
-[all laugh]

It's so bad that it's funny.

-What are your upbringings?
-[Alvin] I'm Alvin Batiste.

I'm from New Orleans...

[Danny] Jamie, can you just get
the host in your shot?

...aspects of New Orleans music
that are very African.

Jamie's show sucks.

Tell him to try
to get in the other guests.

[Kelley] Elton is panting behind me.

And I just am, I guess,
waiting for the big blowup.

We need to find one of these cameras
to get a shot with everybody in it.

-Thank you all for coming today.
-It's tight.

It's a pleasure and an honor
to be here amongst you all.

-We'll see you around town.
-Oh, yeah.

-[Alvin] All right.
-Great.

-[Danny] One...
-[Stephanie] One, fade black.

-And we're out. We're clear.
-All right, I want you guys in the room.

It was a good show. Are you pissed?

-Jamie, sit down.
-[tense music playing]

-What happened?
-Have a seat. Have a seat.

Holy...

That was a really good show, I thought.

You need to sit down and shut up
because we're about to get

a new butthole ripped on all of us.

[Jamie] Uh-oh.

That was embarrassing.

It was as if you guys forgot
everything you were taught.

This is what you walked in
with as a format sheet?

This looked like it was thrown together
in about... What, five minutes?

-Who's responsible for this show?
-I was the producer of the show.

So what happened?

Well as far as this goes,
I had a sheet that we gave to Stephanie.

Jamie's trying to make excuses right now,
but what we all need to do

is put our tail
between our legs and leave.

You want us to bring in good content.

I brought in four
of the most incredible people in...

about this subject.

You can have
the best content in the world,

but if you can't technically execute it,
what is the audience seeing?

Cameras out of focus,

we can't get a cover shot
to save our lives on this one.

Because why?
We've got too many people on the set.

So, sometimes I've got someone talking

and I'm seeing someone else on camera.
Is this sinking in?

I hear you,
but I think you were very helpful

when we initially met you
as far as coming in here,

getting us amped or whatever.
I haven't seen you around. I mean, I...

Did you not stop by,
what was that, a couple days before?

I asked you, "How was the show going?"
You said you had everything under control.

Right.

What you've asked for us is to draw up

some very, very intense
and beautiful content,

-and we did it, you know?
-[Elton] Jamie, cut it.

Cut it. You're making excuses.

The bottom line was the show
was not put together well.

-[Jamie] Right.
-Accept that.

Learn from it, and let's move on.

Am I making myself clear?

All right, goodbye.

Once again, Jamie screws things up
because he's irresponsible as hell.

As the producer,
I will definitely take full responsibility

for the shantiness of the show.

There is, like,
a general apathy for everybody.

And because of it, I don't think I...

I never wanted to make you guys
do anything in the show

and that's why. And I was just like,

"You know, I'll get the guys in,
they can talk for a half hour,

and it's Kool and the g*ng."

I think that some of my roommates'
distaste for me is jealousy.

There is some enjoyment gained
about seeing Jamie fail.

[tense music concludes]

[Melissa] I told my dad about it.
He was freaking out.

He was like, "Hold up.
You got a room with a man?"

I said, "Yeah, but, Dad, he's g*y."

"You don't know,
sometimes they be bisexual."

"They be changing their mind."
I was like... [laughs]

I was like,
"No, I think he's full-on g*y."

-"Why you got to sleep with him?"
-"That's how it worked out."

"Three straight boys in one room,
two white girls in the next."

He goes, "Oh, yeah,
I guess that's where you are." [laughs]

[laughs]
I never even thought of it like that.

Dude, we thought about that the first day.

We're all...

I saw the three straight boys
get in a room,

but I never saw the two White girls.

[Melissa] No, me and Danny
got the outcast suite. [laughs]