09x17 - Stormin' Mormons

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[Jamie] This is the true story...

[Matt] ...of seven strangers...

[Melissa] ...picked to live in a mansion...

[Kelley] ...work together...

[Danny] ...and have their lives taped.

[David] To find out what happens...

[Julie] ...when people stop being polite...

[Danny] ...and start getting real.

-The Real World...
-[Julie] ...New Orleans.

[theme music concludes]

[perky music playing]

-[Julie] Hey, Mom.
-[Julie's mom over phone] Hi, Julie.

What's up? When do you want
the hotel booked for? Do you want to...

This week,

my whole posse is coming to town,
my family and my brother's band.

[laughs]

[Julie's mom] The girls and I are coming
in on the night of the 14th

-and we're leaving on the 20th.
-You guys are gonna be here forever.

But I'm feeling apprehensive
about their arrival.

Why don't you guys
not come down on the 14th, then?

[Julie's mom] You better talk to Alan.

Gosh, this is gonna make me crazy.
All right, yeah.

-[Alan] Julie?
-[Julie] Alan?

-[Alan] What?
-I'm going to go out of my gourd

if I have my whole family here
from the 14th to the 21st.

-That is too long.
-[Alan] Okay.

-I'm going to freak out.
-[Alan] All right, what...

Well, I mean...

Alan, I can't be on the phone
with Dad for ten minutes

without wanting to k*ll him,
and now I'm... I'm...

-Alan, this is un...
-[Alan] The family's not staying...

[Julie] I'm apprehensive
about being around my father

just 'cause as soon as he opens his mouth
I just get all this anger built up in me.

Not that I don't want to see y'all,
but I'm... I'm...

I mean... ugh.

[dramatic music playing]

[Julie] My parents have this life
that they have kind of picked out for me,

and they don't understand
why I'd want to go

and do the things that
I tell them I want to do.

With my dad and I,
he's upset that I'm not fulfilling

his image of an ideal daughter,
and I'm angry that he's angry about that,

that he won't let go,
and he won't just let me be who I am.

-[music concludes]
-I just can't be good enough, you know?

It doesn't matter what I do.

[Julie] So, it's gonna go
Melissa's segment,

another segment,
which is to be determined

-by this meeting.
-[slurps]

And then close with the band.

The next show is Julie's... child.

[funk music playing]

[Matt] She wants to do something
where we can be a little bit more natural,

be a little bit funny.

[Julie] We're gonna do a segment where
we go out and ask questions to people.

-Does that sound good?
-[Melissa] Mm-hmm.

[Julie] And we're gonna do
a "fashion victim" segment.

You know, Dave Letterman meets
Tom Green meets The Belfort Seven.

[Melissa] I'll be like,
"You cannot wear stone-washed jeans...

-[all laugh]
-...with a zipper at the bottom."

I'm willing to do a mullet search.
Serious.

-[Julie] Mm-hmm.
-Very serious.

I'm gonna... "No, it is their haircut,
and they need to be proud of it."

That would be hilarious.

[upbeat music playing]

A mullet is quite possibly
the coolest haircut known to mankind.

The short on top,
the long in the back haircut.

Business in the front, party in the back.

Also known as the Camaro Cut,
the Wisconsin Waterfall, the Mud Flap...

They just think we're tourists.

My job is to put together a little segment
called "Matt the Mullet Hunter,"

where I run around New Orleans
looking for some mullets,

and I could not be more delighted.

[Matt] What can you tell us
about your haircut?

-I cut it myself.
-[Matt] You cut it yourself?

-Chicks dig it?
-[man] Oh, yeah.

-[Matt] Oh, yeah.
-[man] Oh, yeah.

[Matt] All right, we're going
to get a panoramic. Step back, guys.

It's the most beautiful haircut.
Brings a tear to my eye.

Thank you very much.

Have you seen Jamie?

[David] He's taping
that little a*s that just walked by.

It was a very little a*s.
You should've saw it.

-It was about this big.
-[Matt laughs]

[Paul over phone] You want me
to send you any more pictures?

[Danny] Yeah, I want you
to send pictures of yourself.

[Paul] 'Cause I want to take
nude pictures of you.

-[laughs]
-[Paul] I'm going to use them

-as my wallpaper on my computer.
-No, you don't.

-[Paul] I love you.
-I love you, too, guy. Bye.

-[Kelley] What did Paul say?
-[Danny] He told one of his friends

-for the first time.
-[soft music playing]

They assumed that
when he says "Danny" that it's,

like, his nickname for Daniela,
or whatever.

-[Kelley] Mm-hmm.
-So,

finally he broke down
and told one of them.

And he's all happy 'cause now
he's got somebody to talk to.

What do you think it would
be like to have two dads?

Do you think a kid
would miss out on anything?

-[Kelley] Yeah.
-Like?

-Like... Are you asking me seriously?
-Yeah.

Well, a lot, obviously.
I actually think that it would be okay,

but it would be really hard
for the kid when they were growing up.

Not to mention that most people
are small-minded enough to think

that if you have two g*y parents
then you're going to end up being g*y

because they don't realize
that you're born with it.

They think it's a learned thing.

I think it would definitely be hard
for a kid growing up, but...

I think in the end,
it would make a better product.

[Kelley] I think it totally depends
on the place that the kid lives in

-and how much people...
-The place, the parents, the people there.

Depends on so many...
It's never a cut-and-dried issue where

it's always going
to be this way or that way.

I don't know.
I can't think about it right now.

I'll think about that,
and I'll get back to you later.

[Danny] Okay.

[soft music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

[Julie's mom] My gosh, it took us forever!

[squealing, laughing]

[Matt] I used to just think
that Julie was loud,

but it's a family thing.
But it's actually in the bloodline.

[squealing, laughing]

-[Julie's mom] It's good to see you.
-[Julie] Oh, my gosh.

-[laughing, smooching]
-[indistinct chatter]

-What a cool place.
-[Lisa] Is that a fish tank in the clock?

-[Julie] Mm-hmm. Isn't that cool?
-Give us the tour.

-[Danny] And you are...?
-I'm, uh, Jim.

-Jim, I'm Danny.
-Hi, Danny.

[Danny] I don't know if they know
about me or not, and I just feel like,

if they do know about me
then they're probably, like,

biting their tongues.

Where it's like two worlds
that do not go together.

-[Julie] This is my mom.
-I'm Julie's mom. How are you?

[Julie] My relationship
with my mom is strong.

I feel like I can talk
to her about most things.

-[Julie's mom] This is Lisa.
-Hi.

-Hi, Julie.
-Hi, Daddy. What's up?

Mm.

-You're looking good.
-Thank you.

I really love my dad, and yet,

before I came here,
we were at a very, very rock-bottom,

to the point that
I didn't even want to talk to him.

This is a very special room.

[Jim] So, this is the confessional,
I think.

[Julie] When you're happy,
you put it on this...

-[Julie's mom] Whoa!
-...and you say, "My family came today

and it's just really great,
and I was really happy."

-[Julie's mom laughs]
-[Julie] Or you say,

"I hate my father!
He won't leave me alone!"

-[all laugh]
-[Jim] I'll bet you say that, too.

[Julie] This is where
Melissa and Danny live.

[Julie's mom] Melissa and Danny.

-[Julie] This is the boys' room.
-This is the boys' room. Okay.

Matt and I live in this room over here.

-[Jim] Wait a minute...
-[Julie's mom laughs]

Let's, uh, clarify this, here.

I know I put a lot
of undue stress on my father.

-[Julie] My roommate's sleeping.
-[Julie's mom] Somebody's asleep.

Sorry. [shushes]

-Is that a girl or a boy?
-[Julie] I told you.

[Jim] You told me you had a girl roommate.

[Julie] Dad, don't worry about it.

-[Jim] Julie...
-What?

I do give him a hard time.
I'm probably digging him an early grave.

I got a tattoo while I was here
but I'm not going to tell you where it is.

It's a ridiculous relationship
that my father and I have.

We find a way to fight about nothing.

[Jim] That goofy ring on your toe,
that's gonna cut off your circulation.

Your toe will get gangrene and fall off.

-What's the thing around your neck?
-[Julie] It's one of those bondage pieces.

I'll lie about the stupidest things
just to piss him off.

Look at all these things
I can say right now. [laughs]

But he does the same thing to me.

It's like we both
abuse each other. [chuckles]

Yeah, I may start responding,
and then you'll regret it.

[techno music playing]

Julie took her parents down
to Bourbon Street last night.

[Danny] Oh, my God. [laughs]

One of Julie's friends was like,
"Danny, go hug Julie's mom."

-Or something.
-I did. I went and hugged her.

What... what was that about?

[techno music stops]

You know exactly what that was about.

[Danny] No, I don't.

So when her mom finds out you're the one...

-[Danny] Ah!
-[techno music continues]

This is a perfect example of the [bleep]
that I can't stand about this.

I bet when they get ready to go,
they're going to tie her up

and put her in the van
and take her home.

-[Melissa] I cannot believe it.
-[chuckles]

[techno music concludes]

[Alan] Danny, you want a slice?
It's all yours, homey.

[Danny] Do y'all want
to go to Julie's school?

What? Um, yeah.

-[John] BYU?
-Sorry.

[Danny] I don't understand
why somebody would want

to spend their college
years being controlled.

-[Alan] It's not being controlled.
-See, let me tell you something...

If somebody told me
what time I had to go to bed

and I couldn't do this
and that, I would be like,

"Hell no. I'm getting out of here."

This is gonna sound, like,
kinda deep and prophetic or something,

but obeying laws
is what makes you really free.

-That's what I think.
-[Danny] I like to obey my own laws.

-[John chuckles]
-[Mark] Dun-dun-dun!

I see what you're saying.
It's like having parents all the time.

[Danny] Yeah, you leave your parents
and go to school

-so you can get away from that...
-Yeah.

And then you get
a whole new batch of parents.

-[Danny] Yeah.
-That kind of does bug.

Aren't you just curious at all
to step out and see what's on the outside?

It really bothers me
because they are so following

what has been given to them.

When you're in a school and
there's two other Mormons there...

-[Julie] Pickings are slim.
-[Dan] Yeah.

Don't be talking to me
about being the only one there.

[Alan] So if you had an opportunity
to go to an all-g*y college, would you?

Hell no. I'd go crazy there.

-I like lots of diversity.
-[Alan] Hey, I've got a question.

The first day, was everybody, like,
"Okay, which one's the g*y one?"

"Which one's the g*y one?"
And did somebody have to ask

or were you, like, "I'm the g*y one,"
or did that even happen?

-[Danny] Everybody thought it was Matt.
-[all laugh]

When I walked in the house,
I was like, "Wait a minute."

-"I'm supposed to be the token."
-[all laugh]

[Dan] When did you... What is it?
How's... What's the best word?

-[Julie] Come out.
-[Dan] Decide you were g*y?

-I just always knew, you know?
-You always knew?

Yeah, you just always know
in the back of your mind whether you...

You can spend all your life denying it
if you want to, but you always know.

There's, like, five or six
of these boys who are so naive

about so much, and I'm like...

[upbeat music playing]

[Jim] How do you like New Orleans?

-[Julie] I like it.
-[Jim] Why are you wearing a sweater?

I know it's not snowing,
but it's kind of rainy.

[soft music playing]

Well,

-is this suiting you down here?
-Mm-hmm.

-I like it a lot.
-Do you?

Well, tell me what you do
from day to day, other than come here.

Um. Go out.

-And? With who?
-People.

I struggle with the fact that my father
and I have a hard time communicating.

-[Jim] People I approve of?
-[chuckles]

-I don't know. Do you approve of them?
-[Jim] I haven't met them yet.

-[chuckles]
-[Jim] Are you going to introduce me?

-Yeah, I'll introduce you.
-[Jim] All right.

You look stressed, Dad.

-[Jim] Of course.
-[laughs]

[Jim] My daughter's down here.
You know?

Don't worry about me, Dad. [chuckles]

-[Jim] Give me a hug.
-Why? You're getting all weird on me!

Stop it!

I know my parents see change in me.

I just ask that they
at least try to understand

that I'm a big girl now
and I'm starting to form my own life.

[Jim] Tell me what you want
to do when this is all over.

-Do we have to talk about this right now?
-Well,

you see anything else going on?
What else do you want to do?

[Julie] Back here
is where you guys can be.

[Danny] Those kids are really annoying me.

[Melissa] Did they ask you
if you were looking at a g*y website?

Yeah, what the [bleep]? It's...

Yup, I come to work
so I can look at g*y sites, yup.

They've never been exposed to g*y people.
They definitely believe the stereotypes.

Don't say you're cool with me
but not cool with everything else.

One of those boys
in the band started asking me

how my parents are dealing with it,
and he didn't know

if he was in that situation
whether he would disown his kid or not.

You can't preface, "No offense
against you or anything,

-but h*m* is..."
-If you have a problem with my lifestyle,

then don't like me as a person.

I know exactly what you're talking about.
"You're pretty cool for a black girl."

[Danny scoffs]

Yeah. "You're pretty normal
for a g*y guy."

[Melissa] Well, what's scary is
that he thought it was normal

-that people get disowned...
-[Danny scoffs]

-...when they're g*y.
-[Danny] He's completely

under the control
of what his parents have taught him.

He's never thought for himself, probably.

I want to come across as somebody who
is a strong person and true to myself,

but at the same time,
I've just been finding myself

just wanting to strangle them.

[soft music playing]

[Julie] All these guys
are totally h*m*.

[Danny] Hopefully,
they get a taste of me here

and maybe that'll at least
give them an opportunity

to think about it in the future and maybe,

-you know, how to be open to...
-Yeah.

...other opinions.

Just because you're brought up

to think things about people
doesn't make it right.

'Cause they were talking to me about you.

They're saying like, like,
"Yeah, we feel really bad for Danny,"

and I'm like, "Dude, don't you
understand he's happy like this?"

"He wouldn't be happy if was straight."

And they're like, "Well,
you know, it's just the same

as like, a straight person can become g*y,
a g*y person can become straight."

-[chuckles] You don't become.
-I'm like, "You don't understand."

If you're straight, you're straight
and it stays that way.

[Julie] I haven't been around
a lot of h*m* people.

I've been very intolerant
of the whole lifestyle

and meeting Danny has totally
flipped that upside down.

It's so hard to change
somebody's mind once they're set in that.

-You can't make anybody believe anything.
-It doesn't work. Yeah.

You have to be an example
and then they have to decide to change it.

-Exactly.
-And that's hard,

'cause when you decide you want
to change something in yourself,

-that sucks.
-[laughs]

[car horn blaring]

[Danny] What gives me hope...

Wake up every day
and I'm thinking it's the hope

that people in society
will change their views...

-[knocking on door]
-...and be open-minded

and be more accepting of people.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, I mean it's your beliefs.
That's fine, but...

Yeah, yeah.

That is cool to hear,
and that's weird for me to hear

because I just feel like
that kid has been judging me

all week more than the rest of them.

-[soft music concludes]
-[upbeat music playing]

[Danny] Stand by in the studio.

Five, four, three, two...

Hello, and welcome
to The Real Seven on 77.

[crowd applauding, cheering]

[Julie] We have some fabulous guests

-so let's just get started.
-Two up.

-Melissa, welcome to the studio.
-Hello.

[Julie] I understand that
you are a fashion expert.

Having been a fashion victim
for a very long time myself, I can spot

the... the victims also.

-[crowd laughing]
-[Melissa] Which are plenty.

[Julie] The victims. So I understand
you brought some articles...

[Melissa] Yes,
I'll start with my favorite item.

Um. These belong to Jamie
and if you look closely,

his mother put his name

-inside his underwear.
-[crowd laughing, applauding]

-[Melissa] So he doesn't lose them.
-What else do we have here?

I think a lot of it is funny
because we think it's funny.

[Julie] Our final guest,
ladies and gentlemen,

-he needs no introduction.
-[Danny] Three up.

-That's right, I'm Matt the Mullet Hunter.
-All right, go shot on Matt.

Go ahead and check out these clips

and you can see
the beautiful, beautiful mullets

that fertilize here in New Orleans.
Check it out.

What have we here?
Oh, yes, and a very rare breed it is.

The ever-rare femullet, a female mullet.

How do mullets get around?
You might ask. Well, I'll tell you.

Trans Ams, Camaros, they are beautiful.

Now a lot of people think that humans
are the only animals that have the mullet.

But, no, you can see here that
a horse actually has a mullet.

[Julie] My show helped us
to show our personalities.

That was wonderful.

And we're just starting to get comfortable
with being ourselves on camera.

-[crowd cheering]
-[Julie] Ladies and gentlemen,

straight from Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
Zero to Nothing.

[rock music playing]

♪ Well, don't think about
What you gotta do tomorrow ♪

[Matt] Julie is an excellent producer.

And I would say
the best producer we've had by far.

♪ Welcome to the party ♪

[Matt] Julie does an amazing job.

[David] Julie has a hidden beast.
She's just ready to let loose.

There's like, this world is hers,
you know what I'm saying?

♪ Welcome to the party ♪

[Julie] Our job
is an awesome creative outlet.

It's a fun job. And we get paid for this.

[Danny] We got all these people on there.

I'm just happy that Julie's happy
with the end product for once.

[all cheer]

-[crowd cheering]
-[rock music concludes]

-[Melissa] That's all?
-[Julie] Yeah, I guess so! [laughs]

[upbeat music playing]

Julie is, like, the nicest person
you will ever meet.

I mean, that girl would lay her life down

to save somebody else's
if she could do it.

-I would give Julie the...
-[chuckles]

-...most open-minded of the house, truly.
-Really?

[Kelley] I'm serious. Your parents

-should know this.
-No, no, stop.

[Julie] She's all talking sugar about me.
I mean it's good, I guess

it's nice for my dad
to hear something nice about me

because he thinks nothing but bad things.

Thank you so much for putting her here.

That's very nice of you to say that.

I'm taking this in.
I might even reinstate her allowance.

Julie's father loves her very much
and wants the best for her,

but he doesn't really know
how to go about doing it.

And so it's coming off
as control, control, control.

Are we gonna take you to church tomorrow?

I'm going to go there myself,
and I'll meet you there.

-We'll meet her there.
-Which building?

It's up the road on the right.
So don't worry about it.

He doesn't know how to deal
with losing control of my life.

-[Jim] Enough said.
-[Julie's mom] 9:30.

He's constantly trying to fine-tune me
so that I am going in the right direction.

But I don't think it's necessarily
always the right direction.

[electronic music playing]

[Kelley] Are you going to go to this rave?

-I will go to the rave.
-Yeah!

[electronic music continues]

-[Melissa]
-[Julie] Uh-huh.

-[Melissa]
-[Julie]

-[Melissa]
-[Julie]

Take a good look at me now...

because the one thing I was supposed
to do while my parents were here

-was go to church. And, uh...
-Are they there right now without you?

-Uh-huh.
-[gasps]

My father is going to k*ll me.

Butcher-style.

[electronic music concludes]

I think the stereotype

that this country carries
about g*y people is that...

we're all freaks roaming around
wearing leather [bleep]

and doing all kinds of kinky [bleep]
behind the scenes,

carrying A*DS,
doing drugs and just doing like,

any type of bad thing
that you can imagine.

The idea that I have here is,

I want to represent
and break all these stereotypes.

And I realize it's not possible because

I'm a single person and I can...
and maybe I do fit some stereotypes

whoop-dee [bleep] doo, but...

just the fact that I am living
as myself, I'm being myself and it's...

I mean,
that's what matters the most to me.

And I just hope, by being myself,
that's breaking stereotypes.