16x13 - Trouble's in the Air

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

-[Wes] This is the true story...
-[Lacey] Yee-haw!

-[Lacey] ...of seven strangers...
-[Rachel] ...picked to live in a house...

[Nehemiah] ...work together,
and have their lives taped...

[Johanna] ...to find out what happens...

-[Danny] ...when people stop being polite...
-Shut up.

-[Melinda] ...and start getting real.
-[all laughing]

-[all] The Real World: Austin.
-[theme music concludes]

[soft music playing]

[plane whirring]

[shower running]

[mouse clicking]

[Danny] The situation with Mel
is scaring me so much,

because it's so fast.

I feel like I don't know
anything about her

and yet, I feel like I'm married out here.

[Melinda] "Take along some water
and a sandwich to walk through

and enjoy the great vastness
of Texas Hill Country." [chuckles]

So, we want to do overnight campouts.

-Roundup? Hay rides?
-Okay.

I have never been to a ranch before.

The only kind of places
similar to that I've been are dairy farms.

So, I'm really excited.

I was doing some research,

and we're going to go camping
this weekend on a ranch.

Why are you laughing at me?
Aren't you excited about going camping?

-[Danny] Let me see.
-You're all wet.

-[Danny] How do you know this?
-I did some research.

[Danny] I found somebody I really do like.

At the same time, I don't want to miss out
on experiences because of that.

-Don't want to go camping?
-Ranchero Rancho Cortez.

You're not fun.

-[Danny] I am fun.
-[Melinda] No, you're not.

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct clamor]

I'm waking up on my [bleep]
bathroom floor, dude.

-[dance music playing]
-[cheering]

[indistinct chatter, cheering]

[whistling]

[audience cheering]

I'm at The Drink with Wren
and I'm giving her a lot of attention.

I get away from her for five seconds,
and I run into another girl.

She asked to buy me a shot.
We go to the bar.

As she's buying me a shot,
she leans over and kisses me.

-Something really bad just happened.
-[Danny] What?

Wren just saw me kissing
that girl from Missouri.

The facial expression
that she's having is not a good one.

-That girl's not even good-looking, dude.
-I know, dude, I know. She kissed me.

It wasn't even tongue.

It was just "Thanks for the shot."
And went in for the [bleep] kiss.

[Danny]
I don't know what that boy's doing.

[chuckles] Smarten up, dude.
It's, like, you... you're making out

with a girl in front of the girl you like.
You just do not do that.

[Melinda]

If Danny kisses another girl or wants
the lifestyle of Nehemiah and Wes,

I'm done. I'm not going to wait around.

How are you going to let Wren
see you like that, dude?

I... She... she did it to me.

I bought her a shot
and she literally went, like,

"Oh, thanks for the shot."

-[Lindsey yelps]
-Like that.

That's how she went. I swear to God.

[Wren]

[Wren]

Okay.

What?

Wren tries to tell me
that she doesn't care.

It's not a big deal,
but I can see it in her eyes

that she does care.

Hey, listen to me.
Here's to not being b*tches

the rest of the way
through the trip, dude.

Let's have a good time, be boys.

Get up there.

[intense music playing]

Oh, look at that!

You messed that thing up!

Look it... you looked kind of
tough doing that, dude.

[bicycle creaks]

I think me and you should go out
by ourselves one night, without Wren,

'cause you haven't done that yet
and I haven't done that yet.

Every night, Wren meets you,

and every night,
Mel lives with me, so she follows us.

I think we should go out by ourselves,
do our own thing, and see what's up.

-Why?
-[Danny] After that night,

whatever happens, happens,
and that's what's going to tell us

whether or not we should be...
'Cause if you stop yourself

from hooking up with a girl,
then you should be with Wren, right now.

But if you don't, then you shouldn't be.

-Oh, yeah.
-Same thing with me.

[Wes] I don't live with Wren!
You live with Mel!

[Danny] I don't care.
I'm sick of that [bleep].

I'm sick of playing husband to Mel.

Well, what the [bleep]? Dude.

[laughs]

-[Melinda chuckling] Oh.
-[Danny] Pants almost fell down.

-[Melinda] Oh. Hey.
-[Danny] Yes, babe?

[Melinda]
If you kiss another girl, I'm done.

[slow music playing]

[chuckles]

You're like, "That's not what I thought
you were going to say."

-No, it wasn't. No.
-[Melinda] No.

-Because of Wes. Because of Wes.
-No.

I don't think
that any guy should treat any girl

as if they're just...
there for the moment,

and you don't care
what happens to them in the long run.

[Melinda]

-No, I'm... no, no.
-[Melinda] Hey.

I'm going to chill out,
drink, and have pizza.

I don't want to hear that right now.

-Hey, Joey!
-Hi.

[smooches] I can't wait
till we go camping! [chuckles]

[pensive music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

[groans]

We're going camping.
I'm hung over. I want to sleep.

[Danny] Can't the girls just go camping
and we'll stay here.

I'm really excited.

I think that this weekend
can either be really, really fun,

or else it's going to be really bad.

[Danny] And we're off.

[Wes] I don't want to sit
in a car with all of these people.

I don't want to sit around a campfire.

I don't want to get on a horse
and ride it around.

-[horse sputtering]
-[country music playing]

-[Melinda] Right there. Yay!
-[Danny] Rancho Cortez.

[country music continues]

Welcome, y'all,
to Rancho Cortez in Bandera, Texas.

My name's Larry.

Y'all want to go
get y'all room and everything?

-[Melinda] Sure.
-[Wren] Of course.

Y'all come over this way.

It's kind of quiet out here, Larry.

Well, that's why I live here.

-Yeah?
-I'm not into neon.

Come on in here.
Little sitting area in here.

-These also open up into beds.
-Beautiful.

[Larry] Here's some bunks in here.
Over here's a bathroom.

[country music playing]

Think you can relax here pretty good?
By the time y'all leave here,

y'all going to be laughing
and smiling and having a good time.

[Danny]
I'm having a good time already, Larry.

[country music continues]

-This is my daughter, K.D.
-[all] Hi.

[Larry] Here's a championship rider,
right here.

[Melina] Do we actually get
to gallop on the horses?

-[Larry] Do you know how to ride?
-[Melinda] Yeah.

-[Larry] Come here with me.
-[Danny] Don't mess up.

[Larry] Go ahead and mount your horse.

[Melinda] I have not ridden a horse

in about two years,
but it's kind of like riding a bike.

The second you get on there,
you just know what to do.

[Lacey] Does she know how to ride horses
just 'cause she's from Wisconsin?

I mean, I've done it
at a couple birthday parties.

-[Johanna] No. They're ponies, sweetie.
-[Larry] Turn him in a 360.

[Lacey] I'm very uncomfortable
around horses and cows,

because they're so large
and I'm so small.

-[Larry] Do me a favor.
-Yeah?

-[Larry] Stand up in the saddle.
-No.

-[chuckles]
[Larry] Why not?

We are too far from a hospital. [chuckles]

[Larry] Stand up in the saddle.

-[Melinda] Okay.
-[Larry] Oh.

-[Nehemiah] See, Spot likes me.
-[Melinda chuckles]

[Larry] Stand up.

-Not bad, huh?
-[applauds]

["Ride On" plays]

♪ One false move and it's over
One more move, it's gone ♪

♪ If you're going to move up
Well, you got to step up ♪

♪ But if you do, it can't be wrong
Ride on, ride on... ♪

[Wes] I really want to rob
a bank right now.

-[Nehemiah chuckles]
-[Danny] I want to rob a train.

♪ Ride on ♪

-["Ride On" concludes]
-[fire crackles]

I'm going to sing you
some old cowboy songs.

-Here we go.
-[Danny] Hell yeah.

[Larry] How many of y'all are single,
not married? Everybody?

[Wes] Some of you are married?

[Danny chuckling] Will you shut up?

[Larry] Everybody. Wonderful.

This is a song
for all of the single folks.

This song's entitled,
"I Got Spurs that Jingle, Jangle, Jingle."

-[Danny] Oh, I know this song!
-[guitar playing]

♪ I've got spurs
That jingle, jangle, jingle... ♪

[Danny] Good song.

-Good song.
-♪ As I go ridin' merrily along ♪

♪ And they sing
"Oh, ain't you glad you're single?" ♪

♪ And that song ain't so very far
From wrong ♪

-Yee-haw!
-[crowd applauds]

-[fire crackles]
-[slow music playing]

[Danny] Thinking about
where we're going to end up,

what's going to happen,
how it seems sort of serious so fast.

Like, I know it feels good.

It feels amazing just being around you,
and it's really indescribable,

but you know,
should it have happened that fast?

You know, I'm the kind of person
that takes things as they come.

[Danny] You just don't feel
like it happened too fast?

No.

How do you know that you're supposed to...
to be with me right now, though?

I don't know. But it feels right.

I'm the kind of person

who likes to deal
with things as they happen.

And Danny's not like that at all.

Danny likes to know
the outcome of a situation.

-You don't have any doubts?
-No.

I do, ultimately,
want Danny as my boyfriend.

-[fire crackles]
-[slow music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

[Larry] Let's see
about wakin' some folks up.

-[door knocks]
-[Larry] Good morning to y'all.

Hey, we're going to see y'all
at about 7:30, okay?

-Okay.
-[Larry] You awake down there, amigo?

-[Danny] Yeah.
-[Larry] Okay.

-We'll see y'all in a little bit.
-[Rachel] Oh, my God.

-[coughs]
-[Wes] Oh, my God.

This is going
to be the worst day ever.

[Lacey] Ever. Did you sleep at all?

[Wes] I got an hour.

-I'm in hell. I'm in ranchero hell.
-[chuckles]

[country music playing]

Are y'all gonna come help me this mornin'?

-Yes, sir.
-Follow me.

[Johanna]
He's going to make us pick up dookie.

-[Larry] Oh, no. I won't do that.
-[Johanna chuckles]

If it's anything to do with crap,
I won't do it.

[Larry] Listen, let me tell you something.
Life's full of [bleep], okay?

-[Johanna chuckling]
-[Larry] You gotta learn to deal with it.

[Johanna] Damn right!

[Wes] The whole Texas culture,
congratulations,

it's great that you guys have
something unique, but it's not me.

[Larry] You know what these are called?

[Danny] Pooper scoopers!

[Larry] Pretty close.
They call 'em muck rakes.

-[Danny] Muck rakes.
-[Johanna chuckling]

[Danny] I call 'em pooper scoopers.

[country music playing]

[Larry] Are you scared of poop?

-[Johanna] No.
-[Danny] Huh?

-[Johanna] No, I...
-[Wes chuckling]

[all laugh]

[Larry] One of the things
you don't want to do

-is get into a poop w*r.
-[all exclaim]

-[Johanna] Hell [bleep]...
-[Larry] You don't want to get into

a poop w*r, boys.

-[Danny] Oh, Larry.
-[chuckles]

This is my good shirt.

Can't wait to call home, tell 'em
I picked up [bleep] all day.

You can write home and tell 'em
you know your [bleep].

-[country music playing]
-[all chuckling]

[Wes] Do you guys want
to go get in the hot tub?

I want all three of us to go, 'cause...

[Danny] We can talk about h*s.

-Yeah, we can talk about spurs.
-I got spurs.

[Wes] Oh, no.

What Wren comment
do you want to give me now?

[Nehemiah] I was gonna say,
"You lost your spur."

You were up there with me
for a while, till you got married.

It's not that I don't like Wren,

it's just that you act
like a b*tch when you're around her.

[Nehemiah] I've already lost
both of my wingmen.

Danny is married.
I think the wedding is in June.

Wes could be a good wingman,
but when Wren shows up at the bars,

it's a completely different Wes.

[Wes] Hey,
you guys want to know a secret?

I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle.

-[Danny] Yep.
-[men laugh]

Wren and I are going to need
to take a break.

Now that I've seen
a whole lot more of Wren,

I know what to compare it to,
when I get rid of Wren

for a little bit and compare it
to the rest of...

-Oh yeah
-...Austin.

I'm down here
for such a short time.

Why should I be putting
all my time and energy into one person?

[water bubbling]

[Nehemiah] Danny is a typical man,

he wants his cake
and he wants to eat it, too.

He wants to go out to the bar,

he wants to try to find him
a nice little honey to bring home.

And if he can't, he wants to go
and lay in the bed with Melinda.

[Danny]

I do like Mel. I love being around her.

Ninety-five percent of the time,
I want to be.

But there's that other little doubt
that I just want to take care of.

That's what's kind of holding me back
from Mel right now.

It's either be with her or lose her,

and that's it. I don't have...
there's no leeway,

there's no... there's no fine line
I can tread. There's no in-between.

[soft music concluding]

-[country music playing]
-[birds chirping]

-[Larry] Everything okay?
-Yeah.

I know the beds
must have been good,

'cause y'all slept
in 'em all the time.

Yeah.

-It was nice.
-[Larry] Good. I'm glad.

-You have a very safe trip, okay?
-Thank you.

-Have a safe trip.
-Thank you.

-[Danny] Thanks for everything.
-Thank you, buddy.

-Bye.
-Bye, K.D.

[all] Bye, K.D.

I found the ranch very relaxing
and very back-to-reality.

[country music playing]

We weren't in this la-la land
where all we do is party.

And we actually had things to do.
We had to work together.

So, it kind of like,
in a way, brought us together.

[country music concludes]

[Melinda] This weekend,
when we were camping,

this cowboy sang this song

called "I Got Spurs that
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle,"

which means he wants to be
a player.

And Rachel and Lacey were...

I was laying in bed
and they were sitting on

either side of me and they were talking.

And Lacey was just like,

"Oh, yeah, well,
I would get over Danny."

She's like,
"Danny and Wes were upstairs

and I heard Danny explaining
his relationship

and his situation to Wes."

"And he said that he has spurs
that jingle, jangle, jingle."

And it pissed me off!

[upbeat music playing]

All right, I did not
bring one dollar out.

I'm just going to go up
to the first ugly girl I see

-and say, "Hey, you want to..."
-[Nehemiah chuckling]

"You want to buy me a drink?"

-[indistinct chatter]
-[upbeat music playing]

[Nehemiah] Any potentials
up in here tonight?

Yeah, well, you want to go find some?

[Nehemiah] 'Cause now,
you don't get no a*s tonight!

[upbeat music continues]

[Wes] There's just so much thoughts
that go into my head

that I'm wasting my time
by getting too close to her.

But, at the same point in time,

the other part of me
is driven towards her.

-["Needy Girl" playing]
-♪ Want some space♪

♪ Get out of my face, all right ♪

♪ All-all-all-all-all right ♪

♪ If you want me back
Get your life on track tonight ♪

♪ To-to-to-tonight ♪

♪ You're a needy girl ♪

♪ I can tell when I look
In your big brown eyes ♪

♪ You want the world ♪

♪ But how can I do yours
If I can't do mine ♪

♪ You gotta change ♪

♪ What you feel like day to day... ♪

[Wes] And, as I'm looking
over her shoulder,

I'm looking at another girl
that's just gorgeous.

-Absolutely...
-Yeah, because no guy's ever satisfied.

Welcome to the life of having a p*nis.

Okay. I'm never satisfied, okay?
Is there a problem with that?

Welcome to the life of
having a [bleep] p*nis.

I've been completely satisfied before,

and, for some reason,
in this situation, in this city,

with Wren, I don't know what it is.

I'm never satisfied and I don't know
what the [bleep] problem is.

[Rachel] I'm gonna piss in my pants.

[soft music playing]

-What is up with you?
-I'm tired.

You've been cranky the last,
like, three days.

[Melinda] How was I crabby?

No, no, no. I don't know,
you're just acting different.

-I've got a lot on my mind.
-[Danny] Like what?

Stuff that I haven't figured out yet.

What does it have to do with?

All it is, is just me
just thinking about things,

and it's nothing bad. It's just...

I'll leave you alone
till you figure your [bleep] out.

[Danny] Do you know, roughly,
how long that's going to take?

-Why?
-'Cause it's going to bother me.

[Melinda] You're the one
who's confusing me.

I'm just trying to deal with everything
that I've been given on my plate.

And that's the hard thing.

From hearing you telling me
that you have doubts,

that's not something easy to hear.

It's just like, "Okay, so, then,
what exactly is he doubting?"

That, to me, that just means
you're not 100% sure in your head.

And then you having doubts
in your head, that's hard.

What am I supposed to do,

just sit around
and wait until you realize?

I've had ex-girlfriends where
you just go through it gradually.

We... The third date,
we were living in the same room.

And that bothers me,
because I don't feel like I...

I feel like that's all
I'm experiencing is... is... just that.

Yeah. I'm not saying
with you or without you.

It's just that I feel like
I haven't even got outside this house.

I'm more than happy
just going along with it,

and... and experiencing things

and finding out things
about you as it comes.

And yeah,
I do have really strong feelings for you

-and I can't hide them, I'm sorry.
-[Danny] And...

The thing is that you don't understand
that I feel the same way,

and that's what...
if I didn't feel that way,

do you think I would even be putting up
with any of this?

Do you think I would be frustrated?
Do you think I would have any doubts?

No, I'd be off doing
what Wes and Nehemiah are doing,

-every night.
-[Melinda] And you should be doing that,

is what I think.
And because you say it a lot.

-All right.
-[Melinda] Danny, don't just walk away.

I don't say it a lot.

I've been telling you the exact opposite
and I even told them that.

They said last night,
you can ask them.

Even if it's not with me.
Word for word, I said,

"It's not about the girls.
It's not about it."

[Melinda]
Okay, and there's a huge part of me

that feels like
I'm just holding you back, then.

And that's how it feels.

Because, you...
you do say that you have doubts

and that you're so scared
of so many things,

but you're just not letting things happen.

I don't want her to be hurt in any way,

and I don't want to be
the guy that makes her cry.

But, at the same time, it's...

I have to do something for myself.

I am scared of losing you,
that's the thing.

You don't understand.
I am scared of losing you.

But I have to at the same time.

I have to take
a little bit of time to figure out

what it is I'm supposed to be
doing here in Austin,

-besides being with you.
-And I thank you for being honest with me.

-[Danny] So, what happens now?
-I think you got a lot of stuff to do.

[pensive music playing]

[music concludes]

-I'm excited about horseback riding.
-[Nehemiah] You are? Me, too.

I don't have
no tight enough pants, though.

[Lacey laughing] Go get some Wranglers.

[Nehemiah]
I need to go to Kmart and get an outfit.

-[Lacey laughs] Like a red plaid shirt.
-[Nehemiah] What?

That's what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna go to
Kmart or Wal-Mart and get an outfit.

[Lacey] So, your pants are so tight,
but your plaid thing is billowing,

'cause it's tucked in
and kind of puffed out.

-[Nehemiah chuckling]
-They're in the brochure

-dressed like that.
-[Nehemiah] I know.

I'm just trying to get some spurs.

[Lacey] That'd be great.
You're like ghetto cowboy.

-[Lacey chuckling]
-[Nehemiah chuckling]