16x18 - SxSW All the Way

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

-[Wes] This is the true story...
-[Lacey] Yee-haw!

-[Lacey] ...of seven strangers...
-[Rachel] ...picked to live in a house...

[Nehemiah] ...work together
and have their lives taped...

[Johanna] ...to find out what happens...

-[Danny] ...when people stop being polite...
-Shut up.

-[Melinda] ...and start getting real.
-[all laughing]

-[all] The Real World: Austin.
-[music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

-[phone line ringing]
-[Erik] Hello.

-[Rachel] Hey.
-[Erik] Hey, gorgeous.

I can't wait for you to come out here.
I'm so excited.

[Erik] I am too, babe.
We're going to have an awesome time.

[Rachel] And I'm going to treat you
to so much loving.

And we can have somebody watch Reese

-while we're having sex, okay?
-[Erik] Yeah.

I'm so excited to see Erik.
I'm missing him a lot and our dog, Reese.

Okay, baby.
That's all I called to tell you.

I gotta get ready but I'm just so excited.

-[Erik] Okay, baby.
-Okay. I love you.

-[Erik] I love you, too.
-Bye, honey.

-[music concludes]
-You guys?

If everybody in the house says it's okay,

-my dog can come with Erik.
-[Melinda] I'm fine with it.

I don't want a dog in this...
I'm just joking. Yeah, absolutely.

That'll be so great.
He's so tiny and cute.

If everybody says it's okay...

-No, it's not.
-[Rachel] ...that my dog can come with Erik.

I like dogs.

[Wes] What color hair does he have?

-Oh, shut up! Wes is okay.
-No. Really.

-What color hair does he have?
-[Rachel] Off-white.

I'm allergic to that.

[Rachel] To poodles?
Are you really allergic to poodles?

Not poodles.
I'm allergic to white-haired dogs.

[Rachel] Are you really that allergic?

[Wes chuckles]
No, I'm not allergic to anything.

[Rachel] Don't say that!

[upbeat music playing]

[Danny] I still haven't called
that detective about that.

-[Melinda] Why?
-[Danny] 'Cause the day I got the number,

I didn't call
and the next day was Valentine's Day.

Then I found it, I came home,
and I haven't done anything with it since.

-Are you still going to?
-I want to.

I would rather put him
through the pain and the aggravation

that he put me through
than to take him to court.

In the long run, it's gonna be better

for everybody involved
that I do press charges on this kid.

I just don't feel like
letting that little [bleep] get away.

[Melinda] I agree, and you shouldn't.

[Danny] This kid's running around,
laughing about it.

[Melinda] Take your aggression out
on me in bed.

-[Danny] For the whole two seconds?
-[Melinda giggles]

[phone dialing]

[phone line ringing]

-[Jerry] Detective Sullivan.
-Hi, Detective Sullivan.

Detective Jerry Sullivan
is going to help me

with my case in pressing charges
against the kid who hit me in the eye.

[Jerry] Why don't you tell me
exactly what happened.

Um, me and my roommates
actually left a bar

and we were being harassed by the people.

We got in a verbal argument
and one of them pushed my roommate, Wes.

And then the guy came over
and while I was on the ground,

punched me in the side of the head.
I broke four bones in my face.

Had to have plastic surgery.

[Jerry] Did you get
a look at the guy who hit you?

We have a video of what happened,
the whole thing.

[Jerry] I tell you what, um,

we'll have you come in,
give a sworn statement.

Whatever you can bring me,

-just bring tomorrow.
-[Danny] Absolutely.

I think about him every day.
My eye hurts every day,

and I want him to regret what he did
and not be able to brag about it.

[mellow music playing]

[Rachel] I'm a tiny bit nervous
about Erik coming out here.

Only because I hope
that things didn't change

'cause this is the longest
that we have ever been apart.

I know Erik wants to end
the break right now.

I'll have to see how me
and Erik are together again.

Maybe I'll be like,
"I've been so stupid."

Or maybe I'll be like,
"I need a more time to be single."

[chuckles] I love you.

[Rachel] Hi, baby Reesey.

Aw. You look so cute.

-I love you.
-I love you, too.

Johanna's and Courtney's... their friend
just got engaged

and got this five-karat ring.

-[Ryan] Yeah.
-[Lacey] And Rachel's like,

"Yeah. I don't know what kind I want.
I was almost engaged to Erik."

"I mean, he has a separate bank account
that he puts money in every month,

so when the time comes,
he'll have all the money for my ring."

-And I'm like, this guy...
-[Ryan] Ooh.

...puts money in every month to save
for your ring and you're on a break?

I don't think breaks make any sense
because I think it's very disrespectful,

and it's hurtful,

and if I'm not good enough now,
I won't be good enough later.

She's nervous, and I'm like,
"What are you nervous about?"

"Basically we don't really,
like, talk about much."

And I was like,
"Then how do you know you love him

if you don't even talk to him?"

She's like,
"Oh, you just don't understand."

And I was like, "Guess not."

I don't know if I can't meet this guy.
I'mma be like, "Dude,

you're either, like,
'love is blind' or you're really dumb."

-[Rachel] Are you ready?
-[Erik] Let's see this fun house.

-[Rachel] This is where I live. Crazy.
-[Nehemiah] What's up, man?

This is Nehemiah.
Nehemiah, this is Erik and Reesey.

Hey, what's up, Nehemiah?
Nice to meet you.

This is Danny.

-Hey, what's up?
-This is Erik.

[Danny] It's good to meet you.
Heard great things.

-Thanks. Good to meet you.
-Heard a lot about you too.

-[Rachel] And this is Reese.
-[Danny] Oh, what's up?

Does he swim?

-[Rachel] We don't know.
-[Erik] We don't know. Throw him in.

He'll probably like it.
I'll put him here. He'll be fine.

[Danny] He never swam before?
What kind of dog is this?

That lives in upstate New York
where it's negative 30.

[Erik] You want to watch, Rachel?

-[Melinda] He's going swimming.
-[Erik] Okay, let him go.

-[Danny] Let him go, he can do it.
-[Rachel] He can do it. He got it.

-Oh, Reesey.
-Poor thing!

-[Danny] Good boy.
-[Rachel] Get him a little towel.

[all laugh]

-[Danny] He's pumped.
-[Reese barking]

-[Danny] "Yeah, I went swimming."
-[Melinda] You are so cute.

[barks]

[whimpers]

[Rachel] Stop shaking, baby.

-Come on. Let's go, lay down.
-[Erik] Come on. Let's go.

[Rachel] Let's go lay down, baby pants.

-[chuckles]
-Come here, gorgeous.

Come here, gorgeous.

I don't wanna have sex.

-[Erik] Why'd you say that?
-[Rachel] 'Cause I don't want to.

-Are you mad?
-No, I just don't.

-[Erik] You wanna kiss me?
-[tense music playing]

-[sighs]
-[Erik] What's wrong, babe?

-[Erik] I haven't seen you in so long.
-I know.

[Erik] What's wrong?

[Rachel] It's just hard to get used to,
you know?

I'm so confused about Erik.

And there's just not that chemistry
there anymore.

I mean, I really feel like
he's, like, my brother or my best friend.

-Can you hold me and take a nap?
-Of course.

[barks]

[soft music playing]

[Erik] Rachel's sleeping.

I didn't drive across the country
to go to bed.

-[Wes] How long you in for?
-[Erik] Three nights.

-Wanna play a quick game?
-Yeah, let's do it.

Erik flew cross-country to visit her
and Rachel is being extremely distant.

-What's it like saying you're a civilian?
-It's kind of weird, man, I mean,

I miss the army though, man.
The camaraderie is off the hook, man.

It's hard to find in the college scene.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

I think Erik is an extremely nice guy.

He strikes me
as a stereotypical military guy

who is always there to help.

And Rachel, we trust each other
with our lives every day.

She was the medic,
I was the machine gunner.

I told Rachel, she goes,
"Do you think you're going to like him?"

I go, "I've never met
one man in the military"

-that I haven't liked."
-[chuckles]

Just 'cause you guys got
such a great outlook on life.

It's awesome. And, yeah... Um...

-It's time to go.
-[Erik] Let's roll.

-Let's do it.
-[Erik chuckles]

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

[Danny] I went out
with a girl for five years

and went out with another
for two and a half years.

I will end up marrying
that girl right there.

I will marry her upfront.

[Erik] I'm not the only one here
being overly emotional

and talking about marriage, you know that?

[Rachel] Why, is that what Mel
and Danny are talking about?

Yeah. But, yeah, I get that feeling, too.

-Mel!
-[Rachel] I know, babe.

We'll talk about it later.

-Okay?
-Fine.

-Do you hate me now?
-[Erik] No.

'Cause I don't wanna have sex,
you hate me?

I want to talk about us
before we do anything like that.

I think having sex with Erik would make me
lean towards wanting to be with him.

But I don't want sex to influence
my ultimate decision about Erik.

And that's all the more reason
not to do it.

We'll talk tomorrow. Or not.
Whatever happens happens, all right?

-I love you. Have fun.
-I love you, too.

[dogs barking]

[indistinct chatter]

[whimsical music playing]

[fart]

[fart]

Reese has a problem
pooping around the house,

and I almost stepped in it this morning.

I don't care how small a turd is,
I don't want to step in it.

Oh, Rachie-poo.

There's some poo-poo
for you to clean up.

-[Reese barking]
-[chuckles]

That's the size of, like,
half a Twix bar. [laughs]

There we go, Reesey.

[Danny] Poop in the toilet just like Wes.

-If Wes can do it, you can do it.
-[laughs] That's true. [chuckles]

Stop pooping on the floor.

You poop in there.

-[car horns honking]
-[sirens blaring]

-[Melinda] Glad you're doing this.
-[Danny] I'm not.

This is the last thing I wanna do.

I'm going to meet with the detective
and he's going to help me with my case

against pressing charges
against the kid who hit me.

What can I do for you?

[Danny] How you doing?
I have a 9:30 appointment

-with Detective Sullivan. Jerry Sullivan.
-Okay, I need your ID.

-Okay, sit down, I'll page him for you.
-[Danny] Thank you.

[groans]

-When is Erik leaving?
-[Melinda] Tomorrow.

I'd be pissed if I came all the way
from New York and didn't get any a*s.

[laughs]

How you doing?

-Detective Sullivan.
-Nice to meet you. Danny.

What is happening
in regards to me pressing charges

is that if the detective finds it
as an as*ault charge,

he presents it to a judge,

and then the judge issues
a warrant out for the kid's arrest.

And then they basically find the kid
and arrest him.

[upbeat music playing]

I need an outside opinion
because when you're in love,

-it's just different.
-[Lacey] Oh, yeah!

Just from my perspective,

I think you're getting
the short end of the stick for sure.

I would never do that to my boyfriend.

Right, she wants me to wait on standby.

-[Lacey] Well...
-[Erik] But on the other end,

she's gonna throw away
something that's really good.

[Rachel] I hear Erik yelling,

and I stop and listen
because I wanna know what he's saying.

And then, I hear Lacey's voice.

And I go, "Oh, my God!"

[Lacey] I was looking through, like,

the photo album and every picture's like...
[cheers] ...and I was like,

"How can you go out
and make out with people all night

and then run home
and be like, 'Baby, I love you.'"

That grosses me out.

I don't understand why
you wanna keep him around for "maybe."

Is it because maybe you wanna see

if you can find something better,
and if you can't well...

-Right.
-[Lacey] ...then, "I'll keep him"?

-Nobody deserves that.
-Right.

Nobody deserves to be like...

you know, tip the scale,
"I love you more."

-Like, that's not fair.
-Right, I...

Honestly, like, I like Rachel,

but I think what she is doing
to you is really [bleep].

I cannot understand Lacey
for the life of me.

And she's really kind of becoming
almost, like, a snake to me.

I mean, she's teased me
beyond belief. She's like,

-"Hold me. I love you. Hold my hand."
-[Lacey] Yeah.

But then, she's like,
"We should see other people."

I'm like, "What crap is that?"

[Lacey] I think you need to do
what you need to do for you

because she certainly has done
what she needs to do for her.

[upbeat music playing]

Let me just tell you real quick, okay?

Okay, the house has no doors.

-[Erik] Okay.
-Okay?

And I heard you
and Lacey talking for a while.

What? Okay.

Because you're talking to the wrong person

if you're talking to Lacey
to find out what's going on with me.

[Erik] I need to talk to somebody,
'cause you weren't telling me...

Well, Lacey is probably the person
I'm the least close to.

Lacey, she's trying to cause problems,

and I don't want to talk
to her 'cause I know

that Lacey will lie
to my face about she said.

I mean, regardless,
she has a lot of good points.

Want to leave? Let's go.

[Rachel] I don't want you
to think I don't love you,

just 'cause I had to get stuff out
of my system.

'Cause that's stupid.
I don't want you to discredit

everything I felt this past year
'cause you were listening to Lacey.

[Rachel] So, what are we gonna be?

'Cause I don't wanna talk about it
after this night under the tree.

It's really up to you,
you know what I want.

[Rachel] I don't wanna be hurting you
any more than I need to be

to do what I need to do.

Would it hurt the least to be still,
"Rachel and Erik on a break,"

or would it hurt the least to say,

"Okay, let's just be friends
for the next two months"?

My heart says that I love Erik.

I just don't know
if I'm still in love with him.

But I don't want to risk
losing the nicest guy

I've ever met just because
the sparks aren't there anymore.

[Erik] I don't know what I want.

Three days ago,
I thought you were my fiancée,

and now we're just friends,
and that's a lot to deal with.

Reesey's got divorced parents.

[Rachel] No, they're not divorced,
they're separated.

[chuckles] Okay.

[Wes] We have a plan for tonight.

At our bar,
there's a VIP section in the basement,

we're gonna call
every girl in our groupie drawer.

Any girl that's ever jocked our nuts,

we're just gonna call 'em all,
all of 'em up, all at the same time,

and bring 'em
to the VIP section of this bar tonight.

I feel real bad for Erik,
because nice guys like that

don't always finish first.
I wanna throw him a good time,

so Nehemiah and I decided
to throw a groupie party.

And it'll be just vag*na fest.

-[Nehemiah] It's the best thing.
-[Wes] You are invited.

-Just don't tell Rachel.
-[Rachel] I'm right behind you.

[all laugh]

[Rachel] I've been standing
behind you for five minutes.

-[Nehemiah] Classic!
-[Erik] Wes, I won't let her know.

-[Wes laughs]
-I won't let her know.

-[Nehemiah] Who's with me?
-[Wes] Right here. Got it.

Oh, hey, this is, the Missouri girls.

[Wes] Cool. Call them for sure.

-[Kat] Hello?
-[Wes] Kat.

-[Kat] Yeah.
-[Wes] This is Wes.

[Kat] Wes, what's up?

[Wes] Nehemiah and I go out
every single night, and in the process,

we get a lot of numbers.

Why don't we just call all of them?

All right, cool.
Sounds good, see you tonight.

[Kat] Okay, cool.

-[Kat] Bye.
-Bye-bye.

We called up a sorority girl,
and told 'em there's a representative

-in from New York, his name is Erik...
-[Erik laughs]

...and he's the head

of a reality television
show for sorority girls.

That you are going to be, like,
holding, like, mini tryouts at the bar.

I told her to bring
ten sorority girlfriends.

[Erik] No way! That's awesome!

You guys are the best wingmen
I've ever had.

-[Wes chuckles]
-[Erik] Thank you.

-Shut up.
-What?

[Nehemiah] He's our wingman.
He's helping us out.

-[Wes] Yeah, he's helping us out.
-Yeah, they're being your wingmen.

-You're being their wingman.
-[Nehemiah laughs]

[Rachel] Just 'cause I said
we'll stay on our break,

you're gonna go
hog wild with me right there?

It was not my idea. They threw
the whole thing. It was their idea.

Do whatever you want,
but I'm not disrespectful to you is all.

So it's better to do it if I'm not there?

No, I'm saying it hurts
if I see you with girls with my own eyes.

[Erik] Now you know how I feel.

You say we're gonna be honest
and everything,

well, that's what happens
when you break up.

-That's...
-[Rachel] We're not broken up.

[upbeat music paying]

[Wes] All right, Reese,
I'll catch you later, buddy.

-You are Mr. Producer.
-[Erik] Yo, I'm the producer tonight.

♪ You tell me that it's over ♪

♪ You've come to get your things
And return to yesterday... ♪

I'm not trying to hook Erik up.
I'm showing him a good time.

I'm also trying to show Rachel
what she could be missing.

♪ Yeah ♪

-[Rachel] How are the boys doing?
-It's a party.

-Are you having fun?
-[Erik] Yeah.

Are they trying to set you up
with all those girls?

Of course,
if Erik hooks up with other girls,

I'm gonna be upset.
Of course I don't want to see it.

[Erik] It's my game.

He's a producer, and I'm not.

[Rachel] I'm scared
of losing Erik at this point.

I don't want this break
to separate us forever.

♪ Give me back to me... ♪

I like her cowboy boots.

By the end of the night,
two girls offered to take him home,

and I said, "What are you gonna do?"

And he says,
"I love Rachel. I'm going home."

[music concludes]

[telephone ringing]

-[Jerry] Hey, it's Detective Sullivan.
-How you doing, Detective?

-[Jerry] Hey, the warrant is filed.
-Okay.

[Jerry] I dropped it off
with the Fugitive Unit

but I'm gonna give them a picture
and see if they see him out,

-maybe they can't get him tonight.
-Okay.

-[Jerry] Okay?
-Thank you.

[Jerry] No problem,
but I wanted to call and let you know.

-Thank you very much.
-[Jerry] No problem, sir.

-Okay, bye.
-[Jerry] Bye.

I just hope that that kid
gets what's coming to him.

It's not more of a revenge thing.

It's just kind of getting back
what I had lost,

and I think
what I've lost is a great deal.

He's facing from anywhere from five

to 20 years in prison
or up to 500,000 dollars in fines.

-[Wes] Twenty years in prison?
-[Danny] Hmm.

[Melinda] I hope he gets both.

[melancholic music playing]

[Rachel chuckles]

-[Erik] I'll miss you, stupid head.
-I'll miss you, too, silly butt.

[Erik sighs]

-You had fun, though, right?
-Yeah, I had a really good time, babe.

-[Melinda] Have a safe flight.
-[Erik] Yeah, you too.

Thanks for all of your hospitality.

-You and your roommates.
-[Melinda] No problem.

I know that Erik really wants
to spend the rest of his life with her,

and it's kind of heart-wrenching,
because I think he is a really nice guy,

but basically, it's just up to Rachel
to really figure out what she needs to do.

All right, I will see you...

in two months.

-Okay. I love you.
-Okay, ma'am? I love you, too.

-I love you, honey.
-I love you, too. Bye, gorgeous.

Bye.

I think that Erik left
hurt and disappointed.

He's gotta understand,
because it's not worth it

for me and him to get married
and be in an unsure situation.

♪ When your world starts caving in ♪

[Rachel] You know, I'm sad.
When he goes, I'm sad.

But I think it's important for me
to get rid of the party girl side

of me so I can embrace
the housewife, grown-up side of me.

Oh, again?

-[laughs]
-[music concludes]

I'm sad 'cause Erik left, so I need to eat
some comfort food and a gossip magazine.

-[chuckles]
-It's my coping skills.

Did you ever have sex with him? Why not?

'Cause you said you were
gonna have a lot of sex with him

before he came out.

[Rachel] It'd just make things harder.

[Wes] Do you want me
to pull a Dr. Phil on your a*s?

What do you mean, "Dr. Phil on my a*s"?

Rachel doesn't know what she wants,
and I'm sure that if she did,

she would decide
she needs to be in a relationship.

She's not good enough at being single.

You just pretty much
make a lot of mistakes,

which aren't that bad,
but you just suck at life.

I mean, we're working on it
slowly but surely with you.

-[Rachel] I know that I suck at life.
-[all laugh]

[Rachel] I don't want him to get cold.

[Melinda and Danny]
Where are you putting him?

-[Danny] He's not going out.
-[Rachel] No, we're just...

[Erik] I'd rather him be hot
than cold, you know?

-He gets cold easy since he's so little.
-He has no body fat.

-[Danny] You guys are so g*y.
-[Rachel laughs]

[Danny] I would hate myself
if I was that dog right now.

-You couldn't even get him a cool sweater.
-[Erik chuckles]

-[Rachel] He does that...
-[Danny] Dude...

[Rachel] He's got his hoodie
that he wore earlier.

-That's the gayest sweater I've seen.
-[Rachel] Let's go.

-[Melinda babbling]
-[Danny] All right, Paris.

-Let's go.
-[Rachel and Erik laugh]

[Melinda] Shut up!