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05x03 - Uncle Grandpa's Odd-yssey

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

05x03 - Uncle Grandpa's Odd-yssey

Post by bunniefuu »

Am I lying to you?

♪♪

♪♪

[ Roars ]

Uh‐huh, just found her.

Yes, a giant, realistic tiger
loose in the city.

[ Roars ]

Nope, don't see a guardian
nearby.

She's holding a bunch of
ice cream cones,

no doubt taking it back to her
pack of ravage tiger friends.

[ Roars ]
Okay, I'm taking this one in.

Easy, girl, easy.

Don't make this hard for me.

[ Roars ]

[ Squishing ]

[ Roars ]

[ Chirping ]

It's been many minutes.

Where's Tiger with our
ice‐cream order?

[ Phone rings ]

Talk to me.
What?

That was Tiger.
She's in the pound.

Apparently, she was arrested for
not being accompanied by

a legal tiger owner.

We can't just let Tiger stay
in jail.

We got to rescue her.

Ugh, this is the worst.

Hey, I have an idea ‐‐
maybe, if we turn this

tiger rescue mission into
a musical,

it wouldn't feel like
such a bummer.

I'm with Pizza Steve.

A musical adventure might be
a nice change of pace.

A musical, huh?

Well, it's been a while for me.

♪ I'm a little rusty ♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

Who the heck could that be?

Coming!

Well, howdy sir.
I'm a bona fide,

classified countrywide
travelling salesman,

trying to make an honest living

so's I can send my kids to
private school.

I'm a turtle dad.

Actually, we're kind of in
the middle of a musical.

So, if you're gonna prattle on,
you might want to do it in song.

Oh, gladly.

[ Bass plays, whistle blows ]

♪ Well, I've got tons of things
for sale ♪

♪ Like books and lamps
and ginger ale ♪

♪ Birds that sing and phones
that ring ♪

♪ And bees that'll sting any
living thing ♪

♪ How about a fish with a hat? ♪

Don't ‐‐ don't interrupt me.

Oh, sorry.

♪ Hey there,
Mister Dinosaur Man ♪

♪ Can I interest you
in a frying pan? ♪

♪ What about a job
as a fisherman? ♪

♪ Or a cat that sleeps
in a garbage can? ♪

Cat.
Yeah, that's it.

We need to rescue our Giant
Realistic Flying Cat.

Well, why didn't you say so?

I got just what you need.

And since you're all in a rush,
this one's on me.

Okay, thanks.

But you got to go now.

Ah ‐‐ ooh.

I'm worried for Tiger.

I hope she's okay.

I'm sure we'll have her back by
the end of the day.

I like how everything rhymes.

We should have musicals all
of the times.

Uncle Grandpa,
road is closed up ahead.

Mr. Gus, the musical works
better if you rhyme.

Oh, no!

Don't they know we have
a tiger to rescue?

This is bonkers.
[ Horn honks ]

Boss, we got a honker.

[ Groans ]

Can I help you, friend?

♪ You're blocking the road ♪

♪ I got a carload of people
and a tiger to save ♪

♪ Mister, behave ♪

♪ The road is blocked ♪

♪ Due to the construction ♪

♪ Of my latest art craze ♪

♪ You're an artist? ♪

♪ Oh I'm a sculptor,
to be exact ♪

♪ I subcontract
to express myself ♪

♪ You ever see
those ugly things ♪

♪ In front of corporate
buildings? ♪

♪ Digging and drilling
and filling ♪

♪ That's how I make
a living ♪

♪ So, if you don't mind ♪

♪ Take another route
and stop wasting my time ♪

♪ Uncle G, come on,
let's leave ♪

♪ For once I agree
with Pizza Steve ♪

No.
I hate those sculptures.

They always confuse me.

I'm getting us out of here.

♪ Hey, where's that pizza
think he's going? ♪

♪ We're saving a tiger,
so stop your crowing ♪

Aaah!

Pizza Steve,
watch out for the sculpture.

Stop! My art!

Argh!

[ Screaming ]

Where are we?

This place does not
look like fun.

You mind turning off the radio?

It's hard enough to concentrate

with Uncle G
chewing all that gum.

What do you mean? [ Chewing ]
Radio isn't on.

Then where's that music
coming from?

♪ Oooh ooohhhhhh ♪

♪ Come! Come! ♪

♪ Closer to us! ♪

♪ We seek the help
of someone strong ♪

♪ To untie this terrible knot ♪

♪ Free us from this ♪

I'm mesmerized by those
beautiful locks.

Snap out of it. You're gonna
slam, into those rocks.

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Pizza Steve,
you're so strong ♪

♪ You're the reason
we wrote this song ♪

Here I come,
my beautiful angels.

Ugh!

[ Maniacal laughter ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Both whimpering ]

Take me, Sirens,
sweet daughters of the Earth.

Oh, man.
Will we ever get away?

Here, use this
industrial‐strength hair spray.

Belly Bag, way to save the day.

Take that, all you knots
and frays.

[ Both scream ]

Activate emergency RV legs.

Oh, I've always wanted to use
that feature.

[ Boing! ]

[ Angry groaning ]

♪♪

If we're gonna rescue Tiger,
we got to get back on track.

Pull over for a sec.
I could us a quick snack.

Ugh. That's whack.

Hello, friends.
Welcome to Free Sample City.

We're the Free Sample Elves.

We make free samples
all day long.

Take a look.

Free samples of veggie sausages
currently on sale.

Be sure to sample our pineapple
salsa with crispy dried kale.

Vegan walnut cookie bites,
freshly baked in our tree.

Care for a sample?

They're free, free,
friggity free!

Don't mind if we diggity do.

[ Munching ]

Y'all are some sick freaks.

[ Moaning ]

More free samples, please.

Look, we have a limit.
One free sample per customer.

And as a noble Free Sample Elf,
I'm not allowed ‐‐

Listen, pal. Cut the yak, yak

and make with
the snack, snack.

An ungrateful freeloader, I see.

Okay, I think I can spare one
more sample for thee.

[ Ding! ]

Here you go ‐‐
new piggy macaroons.

Ooh!


Gluten‐free I presume.

Like I always say, don't be
a piggy in Free Sample City.

What's that supposed to...
mean?!

[ Munching ]

[ Squealing ]

What the?
[ Snort, squeals ]

[ Snorts ]

That'll teach you a lesson

for taking advantage of us
Free Sample Elves.

Don't you know?
We already hate ourselves.

This is the worst rescue mission
I've ever been a part of.

We have not time to waste.

Pigs or not, Tiger needs us.

Time to kick it into high gear.

Hold on tight 'cause we're gonna
save Tiger.

Aaaah!

[ Roars ]

[ Meows ]

Shouldn't we do something about
our pig‐like exteriors?

I don't know.
Kind of makes you look prettier.

[ Snorts ]

There's the pound.

And I think I see Tiger.

You guys better hang on tighter.

Hiya, girl.

We're here to bust you out.

[ Roars, meows ]

Yeah, we're pigs now.

We all have snouts.

[ Roars ]

We missed you, too, girl.

Man: Hey!
There you guys are.

How dare you run off after
wrecking my art.

Aah!

What you guys did was
unforgivable.

[ Squealing ]

Oh, Lord, we need a miracle.

Huh?

You ruined our hair.

We need to be pretty.

Aaah!

Us too. You burned down Free
Sample City.

Oh, boy, this is getting
pretty ugly.

[ Whimpering ]

Prepare to be completely
dismembered.

I feel like there's something
I should remember.

The tiny secret box thing.

Well, here goes nothing.

[ Angelic music plays ]

It's the quirky salesman
from earlier.

Lame!

Betcha didn't expect to see
me again.

[ Laughs ]
Mwah!

Not so fast!
We're still angry.

Well, I got something that'll
tickle your fancy.

♪ Having trouble holding
onto your hair? ♪

♪ Well, how 'bout something new
to wear? ♪

♪ Take some supplies to
materialize ♪

♪ All the abstract art that
you visualize ♪

♪ Lost your home?
Well, that's bad news ♪

♪ But I've got some free things
for you's ♪

♪ Nachos, trail mix,
sweet plantains ♪

♪ These free samples
ease our pains ♪

♪ Well, I've got tons of things
you'll need ♪

♪ I'm just pleased
to do my deed ♪

Well, if there isn't anything
else I can help with,

I'll be on my way.

Dog will hunt!

Nothing I can think of.
Have a nice day!

Uncle Grandpa, aren't you
forgetting something?

Oh, right!
Hey, Mr. Salesman.

Yes?

Can you reverse our pig curse?

Ooh. [ Winces ]

[ Sighs ]
Mm.

Nope.

Nopey, nopey, nopes.

Oh, well. In that case,
th‐th‐th‐that's all, folks.

♪♪

That was quite delicious.