08x04 - Lights Out!

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on "The Real

- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

I think they could be
coming through here.

- What are you doing?

- I'm looking for the rat.

- Thank God I'm moving.

- The girls are now
both modeling

with the most major
modeling agency in the world.

What if Erica
came to Tokyo with us?

- [bleep] yeah!
[laughs]

[dramatic music]

- This construction
is ruining my life.

[laughs]
- It looks so bad.

- Honey, hello!
- Oh, my God.

I think I said
closed-toed shoes.

- I know.

- Lisa Rinna's one person
one minute

and then she's another person
another minute

with a "[bleep] you!"

- Seeing you guys
at the horse show together,

like, I'm shocked hearing this.
- You wait, babe.

[upbeat music]

- In this town,
fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

♪ ♪

- Some people call me cold.

But that's not ice...
it's diamonds.

♪ ♪

- I believe in
excess of everything,

except moderation.

♪ ♪

- Having the best
isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

♪ ♪

- I don't have to buy it,
'cause I already own it.

♪ ♪

- The queen of diamonds

always has an ace
up her sleeve.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I went from rags
to riches ♪

♪ I went from rags to riches ♪

- This is what
life is like for me.

I have to fly by myself
to Tokyo

because my daughters
are flying in from Canada

to do photo shoots,
store openings, et cetera.

This is gonna be
a crazy 72 hours.

I am holding on for dear life.

[pop music]

♪ ♪

- This is so effing cute...
- Yes.

- For Tokyo.
Super, super cute.

- Amelia and Delilah...
- Right.

- Are doing this
for a Japanese designer.

I'm just going as
the teenage model wrangler.

- Right.
And we're going as your...

- Backup.
- Wranglers.

[both laughing]
You're wrangling them,

we're wrangling you.
Who's wrangling me?

I don't know!
- Right, right.

- ♪ I went from rags
to riches ♪

♪ I went from rags to riches ♪

- So I've got Teddi,
who you don't know,

coming from lunch and Kyle...

- Okay. Mm-hmm.
- Dorit.

I don't think anybody's
going to eat that much.

And don't do
what you did last year,

which is jump on the table
and eat off everybody's plates.

- [whines]

- ♪ I went from rags
to riches ♪

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.
- Hi, Delilah!

[indistinct shouting]

Hi! Hi, you guys!

♪ ♪

- Hi.

♪ ♪

It's just surreal.

I've never had this experience
in the airport, FYI.

This is major.
- [squeals] Thank you!

- I like your shoes.
- Juice?

Ah!
- It blows my mind

to know that 18 months ago,
they worked at the deli

making minimum wage...

- Hi, can I take anything
for you guys?

- Thank you very much.
- And now they're flying

all over the world working.

I often say, "God, I wonder
what Kris Jenner would do

in this situation."
[laughs]

Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi, my love.
It's hot here.

- Oh, my God, that was
the longest flight of my life.

Whew.
- I know. It's long, right?

- I actually slept a lot.
- Did you?

- Yeah.
- Good.

- Okay, let's go, guys.

[pop music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.

Hi, little swans.

What you looking at, swans?

[knocks softly]
[dogs barking]

- Hey, hey.
Hey, stop.

- Oh, my God, there's a turtle.

- Hello.

- Hold on.
- What?

- There's animals everywhere.
- [laughs]

- I know, and there'll be some
more arriving in a minute.

- [laughs] Yeah.
- But my two-legged ones.

I can show you around
before the others get here.

- Beautiful.
Yeah, I would love to see.

♪ ♪

One of the things I loved
about being at my dad's house

was he had
a football field area

where we kind of always
played games as a family,

but Lisa's house
is like a zoo castle.

What's around the next corner?
Unicorns?

They are so cute.
- Come on, Diamonds, Rosé.

They're very shaggy right now.
- Hold on, what're their names?

Hi!
- They're really a little wild.

I mean, they're very friendly,
but they're a little wild

because they literally run out.
- You're gonna nibble on me?

Are you gonna nibble on me?
Oh, my gosh.

Can I dork out and take
a picture of them for Slate?

I honestly...
- Yeah, of course.

You can bring her over.
- Well, she is 100%...

- Mind the puff behind you.

- Oh, sorry.
I have a...I'm not gonna lie,

I have a little bit of envy
at this moment.

- You do?
If you were gonna live here,

you'd have to sleep with Ken.
- That would get awkward

with our friendship, I think.
- No, he's probably love it.

[both laugh]

Come on, then.
Let's go in.

- I said I was envious
of the house,

not that I wanna be
a sister wife.

- Here's the closet.
- Wow.

Yeah, no, this isn't really
how my closet is.

My husband has the big closet.
- No.

- Yeah, that was the deal
because I wanted the house.

He's like, "'Cause it
doesn't have great closets."

I'm like, "You can have
the big closet.

I'll just have
the little small one."

- You are so much sweeter
than I am.

There would be no chance
in a million years

of my husband having
a bigger closet.

That would be grounds
for divorce.

- Hi, guys.

Be nice.
[swans honking]

[whimpers]

Hello?
- Who is it?

Hello, Mrs. Richards.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Lisa?

- Hello!
- How are you?

- Teddi.
- I'm a swan.

Come on, let's go outside,
shall we?

- Okay.
- I'll sit here.

- They told me to sit there.
- I don't need the view.

Ah, thanks, honey.

- I feel like
I always choose this seat,

so I feel like I can't
sit anywhere else.

- Selfish.
- [gasps] I'm so selfish.

- Would you like water or rosé?

- I would like both, please.
- Both, please.

Kyle, how was your vacation?

- Croatia was gorgeous,

then we were in Mykonos,

and then we were
in the South of France.

It was beautiful.
Croatia was an amazing luxury.

Whoo!
The water,

the rock formation,
the food.

It was just different
than any place I've ever been.

So I came home
and I was thinking that

my floors would
be done at my house...

- Floors where?
- All of the floors.

- Oh, your whole house.
- Everything.

I had the genius idea

of having our floors ripped up
while we were in Croatia...

[upbeat music]

That way,
by the time we came home,

they would all be done.

[laughs]
Yeah, that did not happen.

We're pushing out my bedroom.

It's gonna be open
with a balcony going out.

The pool is not even gonna be
in the same place.

- [gasps]
- Oh, really?

- All that's changing, yeah.
- Wow.

So I was thinking
you guys could all come over

and we could just,
like, have fun, have drinks,

and then
I probably won't be able

to have friends over
for a long time.

I think I'm gonna invite
all the husbands too.

PK gonna be in town?
- Yes, actually.

- Okay, and I have not
met your husband.

I wanna meet him.
- Edwin gets along

with everybody.
- No, but...so does my husband.

- Everybody.
- So Lisa Rinna and Erika

are in Hong Kong?
- No, they're in Tokyo.

- Ugh.

[all laugh]

Okay, Tokyo. I don't know
what I was thinking.

Obviously, it was post
traumatic stress disorder

from Hong Kong, honestly.

- Were people doing coke
in your bathroom?

- Oh, come on.

- I'm sorry.
I have to be honest about it.

- Come on!

- You know Teddi.
Do you know Teddi, Rocio?

- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, Rocio.

- Hi, how are you?
- Lisa, you promised me

crispy rice and spicy tuna.
- I thought that too, darling.

I have got everything.
- Her restaurant makes

the best crispy rice
and spicy tuna.

- You know what, you are
such a supportive friend.

Everything I do.
I think I like her

more than you.
- You have a lash or mascara

on the right side of your nose.
- Do you have a mirror?

- Yeah, but the other side.
Okay, yeah, you need it.

- I'm on both sides.
How can it be the other side?

- It's better now.
You got it off.

- Thank you, my love, but...
- No, there was a black streak.

- Kyle,
you're vision is insane.

I can barely see it
and I'm, like, here.

- No, 'cause you already
wiped part of it off.

Next time I'm gonna leave it.
- No.

Wow, you came back
from vacation a bit mean.

- [laughs]
- Trust me,

if Kyle wants to be mean,

you will know it, right.
- Really?

- Well, at least it's
on the table and out

instead of being sneaky.
- Oh, ple...oh, please!

- Hold on, what is this?

- Excuse me?
No, I'm saying you're...

- Oh, do you see her?
She can say it,

but you can't say it to her.
With Lisa and I,

maybe, you know,
we're too much alike sometimes.

She'll tease me
like I tease her,

but I'm only difficult
if you [BLEEP] with me.

- She holds me
to a higher standard.

With Rinna, she can say...
- No, I...

- No, this is true.
- Are you close

with Lisa Rinna?
- We're friends,

but we're not...
I'm not super close with her.

- Do you think
that she knows that

a lot of the conversations
revolve around her?

- Oh, I'm sure she suspects it.

What she's done.
- She was the catalyst

in a lot of the, um...
- Yeah.

- Hold on,
you didn't tell me about that.

- She knows who she is
and she knows what she's done.

- At this point,

I'm realizing that every time
I have hung out with Dorit,

she has talked poorly
about Lisa Rinna.

- Listen,
I have my own therapist.

- It's clearly not working,
Lisa.

- Guys, come on.
- It's accountability 101.

We have 40 minutes
on this ride.

- I think Lisa Rinna, you might
need a little more time.

Lisa Rinna is schizophrenic.

- It appears
there's two sides to Dorit.

The fun girl that
I can have a laugh with,

and the trash talker.

- If you're joining
this group...

- You need to be educated.

- But, yeah, no,
everybody's been nice.

- Well, isn't that boring.
- Yeah.

[all laughing]
- Well, I'm sure one of you

will turn on me soon enough.
- No.

[soft dramatic music]

- Ah, goodness gracious.

- Coming up...
- So there they are.

They have bodyguards.
Two bodyguards.

And they're in that van,
and they will be whisked away.

- Those are your girls...
- Those are my girls up there.

[pop music]

- We gotta put on
some sunscreen.

[grunts]

All right, we'll need
to power it first, okay?

Ah, yeah.

Does that feel nice?
- Yeah.

Nice and clean.

- Nice and clean.
Okay.

[upbeat music]

I love you.

[both scream playfully]
- [laughs]

- Down.
Your turn.

I think all I can do as a mom

is just try to have fun
with my kids.

Braids?
- Yeah.

- Okay, then that means
more brushing.

So I'd rather choose
to do sports

or fun things
where we can be active

and we can have fun
with each other

'cause I let my kids have
a tablet

when we go on a trip,
and then we come back

and it's like getting them
off of crack.

You ready for a hike?
- Huh?

A hike?
- Yeah.

- Slate, you wanna go
on a hike?

- Yep.
- Yep?

- I wanna go outside.
- So how'd you do yesterday?

How did lunch go?
- My gosh, it was really fun.

Slate would die
if she saw Lisa's house.

It has ponies.
- Ponies?

- Ponies in her backyard.

For me, it's important
to show my kids,

"All right,
when we have down time,

"go out and live.
Let's go do stuff.

Let's go have fun."
Let's go, guys.

- Let's do it.

[upbeat music]

- All right, let's go.
It's hot.

- Daddy.
Here's the shades, Daddy.

- Thank you, baby,
but you wear those.

♪ ♪

Whoo-hoo! We're here.
Whoo!

All right, let's do this.
- [grunts]

Hey, wait for me.
- Edwin and I from day one

have a little competition.

Like, who's the best?
- Daddy, run.

- I don't know
if it's healthy or not,

but we always get off on it.

- You gotta attack the hill,
Slate.

[exhales]
- You need a break?

- A little bit.
- And I take him down.

[whispers] Every time.
- Whoo-hoo!

- [laughs]
- We did it, guys!

[both breathing heavily]
- We made it.

- Good job, guys.

I was nine when my parents
got a divorce,

so I want my kids to be able
to have the childhood

that I didn't have.
I didn't grow up

with two loving parents
who were together.

- Look at this view,
by the way.

- You ready to go?
- Yeah.

- Was that a fun hike?
- What's up, Sam?

- Yeah.
- The other day,

Slate looked at Edwin and I
and we were kissing,

and she goes, "Mom, you're
supposed to only kiss me!"

And I just, like, I want them
to have a joking banter

about their parents love.

Let's finish this.
- I wanna go to the movies.

♪ ♪

- No, boys.
Come in. Come in.

Come in.
Hanky, in.

You're a naughty boy.

You're a naughty boy.

Ah, well.

All the animals
at Villa Rosa listen to me.

Unlike some of my friends.

Hello.
- Gorgeous.

- Well, hello.
- How are you?

- Good.
You look gorgeous.

- Good to see you.
Amazing.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Thank you.

- You're doing well in this.
- Stunning.

- Really?
- Excuse us.

- You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.

Well, that's exactly
the way you should speak

to your editor and chief.
both: Ah, yes.

- It's been an absolute honor

to be asked
to be editor-in-chief

at "Beverly Hills Lifestyle"
magazine.

I've written for this magazine
since its inception,

but to be the boss
and make some decision,

this job should suit me
perfectly.

Is this too g*y,
this cup for you?

- Uh, it's not g*y enough.
- Even if I don't act the part,

I definitely look the part.

Right?
[bell dings]

- Ooh, you made your tea hot.
- Well, what else...

- Oh, God.
- Do you want to put ice in it?

- No, it's perfect.
- That's the way we drink it

in England, remember?
- Holy mother.

Okay, so I wanna see
the jewelry line.

- Yeah, the jewelry.
- Oh, the jewelry's great.

These are just the samples,

and, honestly, I just,
you know, created it

with Christina Makowsky...
- Yeah.

- But she's done
most of the work.

You know,
as our fashion editor,

she does a great job,

and so she was just like,
"Why don't we do it together?"

And, of course, everybody knows
I love jewelry.

- [gasps] It's stunning.
- Oh, my God.

- Okay, um...
- Wait, let me see it.

Wait, wait, don't put it away.
- Wait, wait.

There's too many pieces.
- Why can't I wear it?

I'll wear each piece
as you take it out.

- He will.
He'll wear them all over.

- Just stop.
Now you're scaring me.

Glamorous and gorgeous jewelry

is absolutely essential
in Beverly Hills.

To be without
would be a cardinal sin.

I like those three together.
See those three?

That's beautiful, right?
- I love that.

- And it goes
all the way up the arm.

I think it's gonna photograph
really well.

- So tell us your idea
for the sh**t.

Like, what are you thinking?
- Well, to just have

the jewelry on somebody.
- Okay.

- So, you know,
like, have a hand model

or, you know,
like, get somebody in who,

you know,
just does hand jobs.

You just do hand jobs,
don't you?

- I just do them all the time.

- Maybe you could do it.
- So I'd be perfect.

- Okay, enough
about your private life.

No, but I'm serious.
I don't want it

to be a fashion sh**t really.
- Okay.

- We can just get a model.

- Well, I was actually thinking
of asking Dorit to do it.

She's got beautiful hands,
beautiful décolletage...

- I'ma put it down your dress!

- Don't!
- [screams]

- Whoo!
- [laughs]

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, thank you!

- She comes round here,
we sh**t it here,

we just have a bit of fun.

- She really embodies our girl.
- Yeah.

- A working mom,
she's current,

she's really beautiful.
- But does she model?

- I think she might
have modeling experience.

Her social media
is impeccable.

- If you think
that she'll be great,

then, yeah.
- Well, I'll ask her

if she wants to do it.
I'll let Christina or Susan

or you guys organize.
- We'll make it happen.

♪ ♪

- Three options:

Moschino...
- Too hot.

- Too hot.
Custom McQueen...

- Not enough time
to make it fab.

Fresh off the runway Versus.
- Easy...

- Oh.
- Right?

- Easy.
- Ah, that's cute.

- I'm voting that.
- That'll cute with this hair.

both: Yeah.
- Yes, it's a pain in the a*s

to drag all this sh...
all around the world,

but you know what, you never
know what's gonna happen.

Going to a place like Tokyo,
it's fun,

colorful,
whimsical.

You gotta have levels
to this whole madness.

[phone line trills]
- Are you here?

- I am here,
I'm getting ready,

and I am on the way.
- Okay, it's a mad house here.

Just FYI.
It is crazy.

So come...

- Okay, okay, okay,
I'm on the way.

- Okay, see you soon.
- Bye.

[mellow electronic music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter
in Japanese]

♪ ♪

- The girls' careers have gone
from 0 to 60...

they have...
very quickly.

- Thank you, all,
for the love and support.

It means so much to all of us,

and just thank you
for coming here.

- I look at it
as such a blessing

'cause when I first started,

I was told by a modeling agent

that I should
get back on the bus

and go home to Oregon.

Honey, it took years

because I didn't have
a famous last name.

I came from nothing.

♪ ♪

- Hey, how are you?

Oh, my god, how are you?
- [screams]

Oh, her hair!
- [laughs]

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Your hair.

- Hi!
- Oh, my gosh!

- Yay, you made it!
- Sorry, it took me a second

because of, like,
the traffic and everything

to get over here.
What are you doing?

- Welcome to Tokyo!
- I gotta do your hair.

I gotta do a hair thing.
- How you been?

- Wait a minute.
- Oh, my God, when in Tokyo.

- I love you.
- So Delilah, Ethan, and I

are just gonna go to dinner.
- Okay, good.

You have early call tomorrow.
It's early.

- What're you guys
doing tomorrow?

- Two store openings,

maybe a commercial?

- And then we do "Vogue."

- "Vogue Taiwan."

That's just...
- [screams]

- I know!
- No way!

- Yes!
- That is so cool!

- They booked "Vogue Taiwan."

There's, like, doing it,
and then there's, like "Vogue."

- Okay, I'm gonna go see
where to get sushi around here.

- Bye, honey.
- And there they go.

both: And there they go.

- They in this little window
right now.

Millennials that are
children of famous people.

The Kardashians
opened the window,

and it continued
with the Hadids...

Their agent said the other day,

"Bella and Gigi
work seven days a week..."

- Of course they do.
- "If that's what you want..."

- "If you want
that A-level career

like Gigi and Bella have..."
- Yeah.

- Wow, your body looks amazing,
Gigi.

- It's kind of flappy
in the front, the hair.

You see that?
- There they are.

They have bodyguards.
They have two bodyguards,

and they're in that van,
and they will be whisked away.

So they get
in the door quicker, maybe.

but then, people go like this.

"Okay, so show me."

They have to work really hard

because that window's
gonna close in a hot second.

See, look it.
- Those are your girls...

- Those are my girls up there.

Coming up...
- You don't like it?

- Yeah.
- What don't you like?

- I don't like
anything about it.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist.
- What don't you like?

- That's gonna be, like,
the front page.

- I'm sure there's better.
- I love that.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Are you not ready yet?

- I'm nowhere near ready,
by the way, Lis.

- Hurry up.
- Oh, right, 'cause this is...

I'm doing this.
- Yeah. Hurry up.

God, Erika Jayne would have
been ready in five minutes.

- Yeah, well, you know what?
It's no problem.

You could have called her
last minute, Lisa.

Speaking of which,
this was ultra last minute.

I could have been
glammed and ready for you.

- Yeah, but when you're
a natural beauty like you,

it doesn't matter.
You don't need any preparation.

- I mean, when I called you
and I asked you distinctly.

"What exactly am I doing?"
"Oh, nothing, Dorit.

No, no, I'm just gonna take
one shot of your hand."

- That was the plan.
- Next thing I know,

I get a call
from your daughter yesterday,

"We're gonna do
a whole photo sh**t."

I said, "Well, I don't have
any hair and makeup.

"Well, someone will be there."
Which...

- Don't worry about it.
You're gonna look amazing.

- One thing I cannot stand
is to be ill-prepared.

Why wouldn't Lisa
call me herself?

She knows that I would never
be at a photo sh**t

without having
my hair and makeup team

that really know me.
You've just poked my eye out.

No worries.
- Christina...

- Just give me the heads up.

That's what friends do.

- Don't worry about it.
You're gonna look amazing.

I'll fix it in Photoshop
if you don't, okay?

- How are you gonna fix
my entire face in Photoshop?

- Are we ready?
'Cause Dorit is not ready,

but we're ready.
- I'm honored,

but if I'm gonna have photos
of me in a magazine.

at the very least,
I'd like to look my best.

- Are we doing one shot
with all the jewelry?

- You have to do it
as a collection.

- How many pages
are we gonna use?

Are we gonna do
six pages of it?

Well, then, why do we need

to put it all on at once?
I don't think we do.

- Well, it was just an idea
of a look.

- Just get one photo
with it all on.

- This is so different
to what I was told,

but despite
me feeling uncomfortable,

it's hard to say no
to Lisa Vanderpump.

- Here we go.
Rock and roll.

Perfect.

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, I like that.
- Yeah.

- And then just open it...
- Dorit, you should be a model.

- Have you modeled before,
Dorit?

- Yes.
- Ooh, I like that.

- Hey, what kind of modeling
did you do, anyways?

- Hello, I have my own
swimwear line.

- So you used
to model it yourself?

- Yeah, a bit.
- Look, Dorit,

you're gonna love this.
Have a look.

Have a look.
It's nice, right, Dorit?

- I love that, yeah.

- It's terrible.
Oh, my God, that's so terrible.

- You don't like it?
- Yeah.

- What don't you like?
- Can we start editing?

- I don't like
anything about it, but...

- What?
- I'm a bit of a perfectionist.

- That's gonna be,
like, the front page.

- I don't quite understand
Dorit's gripe.

"Beverly Hills Lifestyle"
have shot Kristen Chenoweth,

Cate Blanchett, and many,
many people over the years.

And they've used
the magazine's hair and makeup.

So, Dorit, take a chill pill.

- I think we need
a bit of powder

'cause I'm super shiny.
I'm, like...yeah.

- Actually,
you're not that shiny at all.

- No, we're going
for the sweaty look this year.

- I'm sure there's better.
- I love that.

- Can I tell you.
I love this picture.

- Yeah, I like that picture.

[pop music]

♪ ♪

- All right, where we going?
What're we doing?

- Let's go
to that famous cross area.

- Oh, is this the place?
- Yeah.

Look at all these people.
I love it.

- So pretty, right?
- We love it here.

- Yeah.
What're they doing?

Can we do that?
I don't know.

- Yeah.
Whoo!

[both laugh]

I love that my daughters
are k*lling it,

but there's a sense of sadness
that they're growing up.

Okay, after this,
you guys have interviews,

and then we're gonna
see you guys at the party.

- Thank you. Thank you.
I know, thanks.

- It all happens
very fast here.

Shoom.
I thought I would be needed

a little bit more
on this trip,

but they're not
my babies anymore.

So thank God Erika's here.

♪ ♪

- Ooh, look at that bridge.
- Mm-hmm.

- Ooh, look at those lotuses.
- Oh, those are pretty.

The juxtaposition
with those big ole...

- Buildings.
Oh, a turtle.

- Where?
- Right there on that rock.

What'd the girls do today?

- The girls
shot "Vogue Taiwan."

- They are working
those little models.

- Those little honies
are gonna be tired tonight.

So did I tell you
that I went with Dorit to...

Teddi's horse show.

It was not a big deal.
There were jabs,

there were jibs,
there were this and that,

like there always are...
- But you guys got along?

- We got along fine.
- It was, like, no tension?

- You know what I've realized?

I had my talk with Dorit,
and I'm, like, done with it.

- And she's done with it?
- She doesn't seem to think

she did anything wrong...
- Oh.

- Which I, of course...
- Feel differently, maybe.

- I...well, I own my part of it.

You were saying that
I had a Xanax problem.

[soft dramatic music]

We had a really bad moment
on both sides of it.

I think we can both acknowledge
that we both...

- I didn't do anything
to you, Lisa.

I never did.

- Are you prepared to, like,
"I don't care,"

I'm putting it behind us,
I'd rather have peace"?

- I don't expect Dorit
to apologize to me.

I don't need
an apology from her.

I don't need anything from her.

I need to clean
my side of the street,

so I can move forward.
- I am more than impressed.

I think Rinna has changed

because these girls
are growing up so quickly,

and she's seeing them leave.
I know that hurts,

and I know she's
thinking to herself,

"I've got to set
the best example I can

for these young women."
Oh, yeah.

- Women supporting women.

- Well, that's what
we should be doing.

- Women supporting women.

- Coming up...

- What is going on?
Glenn!

- I'm gonna go
get some candles.

- Should I just cancel this

and tell everybody don't come?

- No, we're not gonna
tell everybody not to come.

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

=- Glenn, the toilet's still
in the theater bathroom,

what am I gonna do?
- What?

- I have a toilet on the floor

in the only bathroom
that I have access to.

- Yeah, we're taking care of
it, but you have two...

what about this bathroom?

- No, that bathroom's not cute.

This is not the most
opportune time to entertain.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

My OCD is really
going into overdrive.

I am just going
to keep the tequila flowing

so that everybody
gets so drunk

that they don't notice
their Louboutin's

traipsing across
a broken floor.

Why are my mom's ashes
down there?

Jesus.

[quirky music]

Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

This is not good.

This doesn't even go here.

Ah.
Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

Sorry about that, Mom.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Where is she?

- [laughs]

- Come on. We are in Tokyo.
- Whoo!

- I give you the full...
Tokyo, this is the place

where you can have
absolute fun.

There's no rules here,
so in Erika Jayne land,

it's perfect.
- Wow.

- It's fun.
- I like these boots too.

- Old-school Guccis.
- Are they?

- Like, over a decade old,
yeah.

- [sighs]
- And this is an old McQueen

that's, like, 15 years old.
- No.

♪ ♪

- Oh, sh...
I almost fell down.

- Are you okay?
- It's all good.

Ah!

Not gonna catch me
with my underwear off.

[both laugh]

This is beautiful.
- Ah, this is pretty. Look.

This lovely geisha house
is out of this world.

Like, exactly what I think of

authentic Japanese experience.

[overlapping greetings]

- Oh, my gosh, hello.
Hi.

- [speaking Japanese]
- Wait, what're we doing?

- Please take off your shoes.
- Okay, great.

Can I take off my shoes
over here?

- Yeah, maybe
you better sit down.

- Please, sit.
- Hey, Lisa.

- Let me help this woman.
- Hold...excuse me.

- She's gonna have
to have a pull.

[playful music]

- Oh, that wasn't so hard.
- No, not at all.

Why are they making me
take my boots off right now?

I should have planned better.

I should have worn knee socks.

[sighs]
- This is so lovely.

- Is this a napkin?
- Yes.

- Yes.

It felt like a place mat
for a second.

- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.

[soft music]

- This freaks me out
a little bit.

- It's some Japanese fish.
- It's like a baby fish.

- Yes, it's baby ayu fish.
- Oh, okay.

- Is it whole?
- Yes.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

- I don't know that I'm gonna
eat this tempura Nemo.

[laughs]
You know, it looks like

it came out
of someone's aquarium.

Respectfully.

- Mm-hmm, look at
that gold bowl.

[playful music]

Oh, God.
That tastes like the ocean.

♪ ♪

- It's a little slimy.

- [sighs]

Sushi in LA is pretty
and it tastes good.

It doesn't stare back at you.

Where's my California roll?

[both laugh softly]

They're just
a little bit chewy.

- I-I-I-I...

- I hope you really,
really, enjoy.

- Thank you, you're very sweet.
Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you so very much.

- Thank you so much.
- Okay.

- So, tell me, what's your son
doing these days?

- He's a busy man...
- [laughing] I just can't.

- Living in his mom's house.

- And he's living
in his mom's house,

which aren't you
kind of happy about?

- Because I know where he is
when he comes home,

and it means something to me
when I hear the door close.

My son is a police officer.
He's 25 now,

but no matter whether
they're an infant

or they're grown, I mean,
you never stop being a parent.

- Just the thought
of Delilah going to New York...

I mean, I think it's great...

- And you want them
to be independent,

but at the same time,
it freaks you out.

- She's not gonna be there, and
I'm not gonna get

the door closing.
- She's gonna be

off in New York by herself...
- Off in New York...

- Beautiful, young girl,
and she's got...

- Who doesn't always know
how to say no.

We all know the dangers
of being a young woman

working in this business.

I've been in this business
for 30 years now.

I've been very fortunate
that I have never had

any sexual harassment
experience,

but I know what's out there.

I have every hope and faith,
but, you know, I'm a worrier.

- You should be worried.

[dramatic music]

- Yeah, it's gonna be hard.
I'm terrified because

I can't protect them
from creepos,

but I'm raising these girls

that anything could happen to
at any moment,

and I want them to go,
"Oh, God,

"I don't trust this situation.

"My gut's telling me
this is not right.

This is a creepy guy.
Get out."

I'm gonna worry.
- That's okay though.

- I'm just gonna worry.
- Mom's worry.

[gentle strumming]

- Oh.
- Holy sh...

♪ ♪

This is amazing.

♪ ♪

[tambourine jingling]
- [singing in Japanese]

♪ ♪

- It's so Tokyo.

The elderly woman doing the...

I don't know what it was.

♪ ♪

I mean, it...mind-blowing.

♪ ♪

Domo arigato gozaimashita.

♪ ♪

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- What is going on?

Glenn!
[dog barking]

Glenn.
- Yeah?

- I'm trying to get ready
in the dark.

- So, we're totally fine.
- I'm blind as a bat.

- No, no, no, we're fine.

- Every single time
I throw a party,

I think, "Can you imagine
if my power went out?"

And it's actually
happening now.

Should I just cancel this
and tell everybody don't come?

- No, we're not gonna
tell everybody not to come.

- Coming up...
- I'm not gonna lie,

but, like, your sex book,
like, taught me

how to give head.
- Oh, my God.

- We're already

- We're already
out getting the candles.

- You sent someone
to go get candles?

- Oh, yeah.
We're gonna candle the heck...

- I had to get dressed
in the dark.

- You look great.
Two different shoes,

but other than that, it's fine.
- Oh, my God.

Glenn, I believed you.
- Okay.

Who cares what I wear
or what I look like,

we can't even see each other.
I mean, I might as well

wear no clothes to this party.

Take all this makeup off
and get naked.

[upbeat music]

- Such a warm night.

- It's, like,
beyond tropical warm.

- Hold on, Glenn, I'm gonna
give you light right now.

- Hello?
- Oh, look, this is what...

- It's a renovation...
- Ay, look.

- It's a renovation party,
babe.

- Oh, my...
- Hello, Kyle.

- Are you kidding me?

I said casual.
My God, you look...

- 'Cause this is
such a casual table.

- Kyle, she doesn't do casual.
- By the way, I have no power.

- Is it a m*rder
in the dark evening.

- I have no power.
- You've got no power?

- Oh, you've got no power?
- Yeah, no power.

Everything is a disaster.
- Okay, Kyle, nice to see you.

PK, ready?
- [laughs]

- It's 100 degrees outside,
and no power.

Drinking is just about
the only thing

that's gonna get us
through this evening.

Make it a double, actually.

[door opens]
- Isn't that cool?

- [laughs]
- Coming.

Hi!
- Hello, how are you?

- Hi, beautiful!
So good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- How are you?

- How tall are your heels
tonight?

- Pretty tall.
- You still look beautiful.

- Storm, no.
- Oh, hi, I know.

- So many memories here.
- Okay, so anyway...

- So many memories here, right.
- so many memories.

- You're looking very fab.
- Oh, you too.

Muah.
- Hey, ladies.

all: Hi!
- How you doing? Muah.

- Hi. Who's this cutie?
- That's Storm.

- Good to see you.
Great to see you.

- How are you?
So nice to meet you.

- I know, finally.
I've heard so many

great things about you.
- You too.

Nice to meet you.

- Yeah, thanks
for having us over.

- Okay, Storm
is now eating pancakes.

- And we've got dog saliva
on the pancakes.

- You don't have any fans
or anything here, do you?

- Oh, my God.
- and you had to invite us

on the one night that
it's, like, a desert.

- What do think, there's gonna
be an ice machine outside?

Do you need a luge?
- I was hoping.

- [scoffs]
- Dorit has made

every complaint
you possibly can.

I'm like,
"can we stop talking about it?"

♪ ♪

- Oh, this is weird.
- I know.

- My assistant designers
and my...oh!

- Gorgeous.
- You have no idea.

- What?
- I have no power.

There's no power in my house.
- I thought maybe it was

a surprise birthday for me
or something, darling,

'cause it was all dark.
- No, no, really, we're...

- Here's a candle for you.
Perfect.

- Thank you.
Oh, my God, thank you.

- Hey.
- Hi, good to see you.

Is he here?
- My boyfriend.

He's coming tonight?
- He's coming after work.

- Who?
- My boyfriend.

- He's coming tonight?
- Yeah, he's gonna stop in.

- Is he coming?
- Oh, cool.

- Yeah, he's gonna come.
He's working a lot.

- But he's coming tonight?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm not going to interview him.
- Please don't.

I just want to...
- I know sh...we start asking,

and she's like, "Actually..."
- Please don't.

I met David, my boyfriend,
about a year ago

at a Halloween party.

Just kind of
narrowed in on me.

Said,
"I wanna get to know you."

So I found it really hot,

and I was like,
"Okay, I'm interested."

- I'm excited to see him.
- Oh, thank you.

He's a nice guy.

- I'm just trying
to light a candle.

I mean, I need
all the light I can get.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God,
I'm burning my finger.

- Hi, honey.
- [sighs] Love beans.

- What's going on here?
- We have no power.

- Jennifer has
all her lights on.

Have you called the DWP?
- Yes, they did.

They're supposed to be on it.

- Will you give me
another one of these beers?

- Hi, Dorit.
- It's definitely my husband,

Hello, Mauricio.
- How are you doing?

- Oh.
- Nice to see you.

- Ah, did you get that?
- He used the one kiss

versus two.

- I'll give here two kisses.
- Mauricio, this is Teddi.

- Teddi, nice to meet you.
- Hi, Teddi, how do you do?

Very nice to meet you.
How's everything?

- Everything's great.
Thanks for having me.

- Welcome to our house.
I just met Edwin.

- Oh, you did?
- I did.

- Did you speak in Spanish
or English?

- English.

I don't know
if she's called DWP,

but I'm gonna find out
what's going on.

- Okay, Mauricio.
- I'll be right back.

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Good evening.
Thank very much for joining.

Here is our menu.
Happily recommend

the drinks
on the left-hand side.

- Can I get, like,
a coke, please?

- A coke? Yes.
- Thank you.

- And do you have
a glass of rosé?

- Of rosé?
- do you have, like,

a Whispering Angel?
- Whispering Angel?

Yes, we do.
- Thumbs up.

both: Hi.
- I can't believe you guys

are still standing
after this day.

- I'm not.
- Erika, they barely are.

Trust me.
[both laugh]

- You look so good.
- You look so pretty.

- Thank you.
I had a nice day with your mom.

We had fun.
- Where'd you guys end up?

Do you like my set makeup?

- Yes, I do,
as a matter of fact.

I don't think
you should take it off.

- Whispering Angel.
- Yes, please.

- Ooh, Whispering Angel.
- I just ordered it right up.

Would you like some?
- Would you like a glass?

- No, I'm good.
So, sh**ting for "Vogue,"

how did it feel?
- We were just, like,

kind of freaking out
the whole time.

- Every time I kept seeing
myself on the monitor...

- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
- I was like, "This isn't me,"

but, like, it was such a dream.

- Well, your mother and I
had very traditional

Japanese delicacies.

We both ate
out of our comfort zone.

- Big.
- We ate eel and uni

and hairy crabs.
- I don't understand...

- Hairy crabs.
- It was brave of us, I think.

- That's cool.
I wish I had that experience.

- It was interesting.
- Actually, after watching

that girl's YouTube channel,

of her just, like,
stuffing her face with food,

- She's, like...this girl
is so entertaining.

But just watching her eat...
- She eats on camera

and people follow her?
- It's so good.

Oh, I just watch it for hours.

both: Why?
- [laughs]

It's so good.
- I'm so...I'm confused.

- I'm really intrigued.
- Wait, I just, like...

I think I need to show you.

- Show.
- But why?

- I don't know.
- I've never seen

a box of pizza that big.
- Oh, just wait.

- There's three
different pizzas in there.

- How many?
- Three.

- Wait, this is her trying...
- She doesn't eat

all the pizza, does she?
- Oh, yeah.

- [chewing]

Wow.

[quirky music]

It's so different.

- I don't understand

what this generation
finds interesting

about watching people
eat obsessively.

I don't know.
I don't...maybe I'm just,

like...old?

It's interesting
that people are fascinated

by watching other people...
- Other people eat.

- Like, eat, and stuff
because it's something that

I would have...
- I feel as though

it's more of a, like...
I like watching her

because she doesn't care.
- What?

I would say
there's so much shame

around food in our country.

I've been accused of
having food issues for years.

It's weird, you guys.

I've been really careful
as they've grown up

to not use the word diet,

to not make food weird.

That's what I've tried to do.

- Don't you watch porn
instead of people eating?

I'm blown away.

- Maybe I don't wanna
know about that yet.

Maybe I'd just rather not know.
[laughs]

- I know about
you watching porn.

- I'm not gonna lie,
but, like, your sex book,

like taught me...
- Oh, my God.

[playful music]

What?
- It just teaches you.

- I knew this was gonna happen.
- I don't do that.

- I don't do that.
- I knew.

I never thought
in a million years

that my own children
would read the book.

- And I was, like, 12
when I saw this.

It literally teaches you
how to give head.

- [sighs]
- Very precisely.

- I have not read Lisa Rinna's
blow-job technique book,

but I don't fault her.

It's okay.
It's human sexuality.

We're not in the Stone Age.

- If you're gonna learn,
you better learn it right.

- I don't know if I wanted to

learn it from you
because now...

[laughs]

- They learned
how to give a blow job

from this book right here.
[beeps]

"By using the seal in the ring,

"you can create
a deep throat sensation

without taking
the entire p*nis..."

[laughs]
[beeps]

"This move
also prevents gagging."

[laughs]
[beeps]

How could I have
put this in a book?

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

- No, I do a lot of sh...,
but I've never written

about giving a blow job.
- Yet.

- Remember that.
- I don't do that.

- Yes, that's right.
You don't.

Am I a perfect mother?
No.

Do I worry that
I haven't given them enough?

Of course I do.
I mean, our job as parents

is to give our kids the tools

so they can go out
in that world and conquer it.

You just don't think you're
actually gonna give them this.

♪ ♪

[laughs]

- Here's to you.
- Thank you.

- You've had a lot
of cheersing to that.

- Cheers with my straw.

- Whatever.
It's all good.

- Coming up...

Camille,
you're a stupid [BLEEP]!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- All right, I'm working
on the power situation.

- Are you sure
you paid the bill?

- [laughs]
- Hey, Glenn is making

an announcement.
- So we are starting

with a Chilean sea bass,

followed by maybe
ice cream sandwiches.

- May...oh,
that's not happening.

- Hilarious.
- Can I get another drink?

- I might have one as well,
please.

Um, Kyle, how do you say
your husband's name?

- Mauricio.
- Thank you.

No, she says it wrong.
So she just said to me...

- [laughs]
- "Dorit, it's Muh-ricio."

- By the way, you can say it
in 100 different ways.

- Excuse me.
Excuse me.

- But Ken calls Lisa "Lee-zer."

When you let down your guard,
you say "Lee-zer."

- But when he
lets down his trousers,

he says "darling."
[laughter]

- I feel like a girl
who went to the prom.

- Hello!
- Hi.

- Hey, there.
How are you?

- Kyle.
- Nice to see you.

- Nice to see you.
- Sorry there's no power here.

- Oh, that's all right.
How are you?

- So handsome.
- Mm-hmm.

- Really so handsome.
- She said you were an upgrade.

- Could be totally
inappropriate right now,

but I won't
'cause you're my friend.

- Yes, please do.
- You look great together.

- Thank you.
- I've known Camille

a long time,

and it's been
a tough journey for her.

Cancer, divorce...

[cheers and applause]

I'm really, really happy

she's got her new man
by her side.

- Do you need a bump for this?
- No, I do need a button...

- Okay, am I gonna be right
in the middle of a load of PDA?

- We'll restrain ourselves.
We'll restrain ourselves.

- He's very handsome.
- Shy, but handsome.

- I'm so damn hot.
- Have another drink.

- Thank you, Ken,
for putting your two cents in.

Always trying to get me
as drunk as I possibly can.

- I got you a drink.
- There's Dorit on her own,

and then there's Dorit with a
couple shots of tequila in her.

It's like Dorit's
talkative evil twin.

She's not a pain in the a*s
at all.

Very low maintenance,
by the way.

- How, sh...-y of you,
my best friend Kyle Richards...

- Excuse me?
- Umansky.

[laughter]

- Oh, she forgot you were here.
Sorry.

- I love Lisa,
but I think she's jealous

that Dorit and I
have a connection.

She's pink with envy right now.

- The one person in this world

that is not afraid of Lisa
is me.

- Lisa, she's the one person
who's not afraid of you.

- [laughs]
- She's not afraid of you.

- Who's afraid of me?

- Everybody.
- I don't know.

- Lisa's afraid of you.
- [laughs]

- Lisa's afraid of me?
- Yeah.

- When I've seen you,
like, at your worst...

- Oh.
- My knees have been shaking.

- I think we've all seen each
other at your worst at times.

- You're such a [BLEEP] liar,
Camille.

[dramatic music]

- I haven't seen you
at your worst.

- Thank you, my love...
- No, you don't want to either.

- I love you so much.
- I absolutely haven't seen you

at your worst...
- Back to being besties.

- But I haven't seen her
at her worst ever.

- Give it time.
- b*tch, let's go.

- You're frightening.
What is happening?

I'm coming in late.
- Okay.

I had the whole conversation
with PK today.

We talked about what I've been
talking to you girls about.

- About letting down your tro...
- About having another baby.

- I'm just getting flashbacks.

- Do you wanna be pregnant,
Camille?

- No, I can't.
I don't have a uterus.

So that...I'm out.
- You are out, for sure.

- We're trying
to work some miracles.

- No matter how hard you try,
it's not happening.

- I need to know something.
Camille?

- Yes?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait a second because I'm
looking after your interest.

Can you just think about
what you're going to ask him

before you say it?
- I could never do that.

- Camille,
would you be our godfather?

- I don't have
a d*ck and testicles.

I think that'd be pretty hard.
- That's trouble.

- I'm gonna come up
with a whole new strap-on line

named the Camille.

- When Dorit starts
talking crazy talk,

is when I just honestly
"whoosh."

Sometimes she's a little
bit of a show pony,

and sometimes it just
doesn't play well.

- David, I'm so sorry.

- David's getting
an initiation tonight.

Poor David, I feel bad.
I'm gonna pass out.

- Camille,
you're a stupid [BLEEP]!

- Camille...
- Oh, boy.

- Oh, my God.
- There we go again,

with the C word.

- God.

- Dorit, everyone's entitled
to act stupid once in a while,

but you really abuse
the privilege.

- I'm like, "Yes!
Wait, what was the question?"

- Honestly, at this point,

I really don't give
two sh...s about you.

- He's new to the group.
He's not used to that kind of...

- Oh, her boyfriend.
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

- His poor virgin ears.

- But I care about
what David thinks.

Because if I'm associating
with the rantings

of a crazed, drunk woman,
it makes me look bad.

- Andele, andele.

- Dorit, Dorit, shhh.
- I am making...

- Seriously.

- Lisa, do you have
a rubber band?

- Go, go.
[laughter]

- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- What are you doing on me?
- I'm doing Lisa Rinna.

- But daytime Lisa Rinna.
- Yeah.

- I have quite a history
with "Live."

Regis actually told me
it was between me and Kelly.

He said, "Lisa,
Lisa, I gotta tell you,

you came close!"

- Someone just dropped
of this dog

'cause they found him
running on the street.

- Hey.
- Oh, I want this dog.

This looks like Ken.

- Mr. Girardi
had a car accident.

It's the first time I've seen
Tom not superhuman.

- Right.
- And that kinda sucks.

- I'm sorry.

- What's going on, Kyle?

- It's not like it was before.
You're not always invited now.

- I've been sitting here
for over 30 minutes.

- I'm so, so, so sorry
to keep you waiting.

- There's a little thing
happening with Lisa Vanderpump

that I read in the news, a
little lawsuit thing happening.

- The [BLEEP]?

- To learn more about
the Housewives,