15x11 - Happy Birthday MJ!

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- LANDON: Previously on "The Real World."

- You went out of state, Shaun.

And you didn't tell me you were going out of state

to see your ex-girlfriend?

- The thing is, what Vonda is--is--is gonna do--

- What? Why is there a reason to [bleep] come clean with me?!

Tell me before you get caught in something!

- --she's trying to stay loyal to this Shaun guy.

- No, she may-- - No, but it is.

- SHAUN: Shavonda, this is the bottom line.

I'm just helping a friend.

- She's been in a fight the last couple nights with him.

- Doesn't matter how you [bleep] say it, Shaun.

You went to see your [bleep] ex-girlfriend.

Don't [bleep] call me anymore, got it?

- Landon has a crush on freakin' Vonda,

and Vonda has a crush on Landon. - We do.

- But Vonda doesn't want to open up and--and say it.

- This is the true story--

- --of seven strangers--

- MJ: Oh, my god!

- --picked to live in a house--

- --work together, and have their lives taped--

- --to find out what happens-- I'm over it.

- --when people stop being polite--

- WILLIE: Oh, shut up!

- --and start getting real.

- ALL: "The Real World: Philadelphia."

- ♪

- [phone rings]

- ♪

- [phone rings]

- You made the effort to make this mistake.

You knew how I felt about the situation.

Like, if you're just stupid and not even realize it.

And you did it anyway.

That, to me, is like, vindictive.

- LANDON: Shavonda and Shaun being on the phone for three

to four hours a day is just not healthy.

I mean, all they do is they sit and they b*tch.

Shavonda! - Yeah?

- LANDON: Can I use the phone? - Um...

- LANDON: Yes! - For how long?

- My sister's been calling for, like, a week.

- Well, I'm really [bleep] sorry,

but this just happened last night.

So she's been calling for a week?

You know, there's other times

that you didn't answer the [bleep] phone! I'm sorry.

- That's--that's cool. That's fine.

Everyone else's life can be put on hold, then.

Shavonda and Shaun are broken up.

They're not boyfriend and girlfriend,

and kind of confuses her.

She's hanging on to that label between her and Shaun,

the fact that they're boyfriend/girlfriend,

and they're not.

- --this guy who she says is not her boyfriend,

but he is her boyfriend.

- LANDON: What--yeah. "My boyfriend!

Oh, the guy I yelled at for minutes last night."

- You know how I feel about your relationship with her.

You know it. And if you would've called me--

- SHAUN: It totally makes sense right now.

I totally understand.

- WILL: Do you like her at all?

- LANDON: Yeah, I like her. - You do?

- Yeah, what is there not to like?

- It's very obvious to me that Shavonda has a crush on Landon.

A lot of times, whenever Shavonda gets mad at Landon,

it's just because she's--expects certain things from Landon.

- She's gorgeous. She's a sweetheart.

Every time she, like, makes a pass at me...

and I'm like, "Okay." You know, like, it's cool.

I like--I like her daring.

- ♪

- [phone rings]

- SHAUN: Hello? - Hi.

- SHAUN: Hi. What are you doing?

- Walking around the house.

- Shavonda?

- LANDON: She's on the phone with Shaun all during the day.

She's becoming very physically run down.

- It's like I never experienced that whole thing about

how the people closest to you

are the ones that can hurt you the worst.

- Oh, so you did it [bleep] on purpose?

I'm working on getting over this.

And it's probably my fault because we--I broke up with him,

and he maybe thought that this was something that he could do.

- I've never been more attracted to someone.

- Than me. - Yeah, honest to god.

- LANDON: Shavonda's upbringing was very tough.

And she doesn't have much of a family.

Shaun is Shavonda's only, you know, like, support.

- I'm so mad that what I sent you didn't get there. Ugh!

- What is it? - I can't tell you.

It's supposed to be redelivered tomorrow.

- LANDON: Shavonda has a crush on me.

But I don't think she's ready--

or I think she's scared to give up things between her and Shaun.

- ♪

- [sizzling]

- SARAH: It's ready. This looks fabulous.

- This isn't gonna be like his birthday,

when five people showed up. - MJ's birthday?

MJ had a really traumatic experience when he was younger.

And he had a birthday at a roller skating rink.

And he invited people, and only five people showed up.

- ♪

- Hey, sunshine! - Surprise, beautiful!

- Happy birthday! - What in the world?

- I told her what your favorite was.

- [laughs]

- MJ is really sensitive.

- In bed? - WILL: Breakfast in bed.

- A little goes a long way with him in terms of when someone

puts thought into things for him.

- I've never been treated so well on my birthday

in my entire life.

- It's not like fifth grade, when nobody showed up, is it?

- MJ: Thank you very much. - SARAH: You're welcome.

Happy birthday. - Thank you so much, Sarah.

It is very thoughtful to bring me the breakfast in bed.

Don't tell Sarah, but...I'm not gonna eat it 'cause I'm not that

hungry at all, so I'm gonna let Will have it.

- ♪

- [phone rings]

- DAD: [unintelligible] - What about it, Pop?

- DAD: What about you, birthday boy?

Are you doing okay, baby? - I'm doing real good.

Everybody asks me that when I talk to them.

Oh, by the way--

I don't know if I told you yet-- I have a new nickname--

- DAD: What's your new nickname? - Muja Star.

- ♪

- They all give me hell pretty much every day about that

nasty-a*s tattoo in my back.

- ♪

- MJ: Muja Star is a term that Willy came up with.

MJ would sound like "muja"

if you pronounced it in a certain way.

So that's caught on,

and I have created a superhero out of that now.

- ♪

- So now I'm Muja Star the Superhero,

who tends to come out whenever it's late at night.

- ♪

- ♪ Hey, really great that you came ♪

♪ Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta

From Old Charlie's g*ng?

- ♪

- Who's it from? - My dad, I think.

I think he sent my little brother--

This is the longest I've ever gone

without seeing my dad, pretty much, or my little brother.

Big Max. - Pistachios.

- How cute! Your parents are--

- Pin the tail on the donkey! - Oh, we're doing that.

We're doing that. Oh, your parents are so cute.

Oh my god.

- I got a tear in my eye! My baby's all grown up!

- It'll bring a tear to a glass--

- I'll sleep with this over my face.

Or I could cut holes in it, and it can be the Muja Star mask.

- [gasps] It's Muja Mask!

And we can write "Muja" on it.

- ♪

- MJ: We're all going to Dave & Buster's tonight.

This is phase two of my birthday.

- It's hilarious. - He put two right here.

Aaah!

- [g*nsh*t]

- Oh, [bleep]!

- ♪

- Uh oh! Hold on. Maybe it did work.

- ♪

- BOTH: [laughing]

- SARAH: MJ is so excited.

He looks like a kid on Christmas.

- Whoa!

- [fireworks whistling]

- Whoo! - Wow!

- MJ, you could have the best birthday ever.

This morning he got breakfast in bed.

He got a poster. He got a card.

- LANDON: It's been a lonely time in Philadelphia.

I think about kissing Shavonda,

which is always in the back of my head.

- ♪

- MELANIE: Why is Landon sitting over there all alone?

- He's taking in Philadelphia.

- They're meeting our landscape artist--

- LANDON: The older you get, that window of opportunity

for your heart is just smaller and smaller and smaller.

There's lot of quotes about, you know,

you've never lived unless you've let yourself love.

- ♪

- LANDON: Shavonda, if you're not gonna hook up with me,

then the way it goes--

then I'm just gonna bring other girls home

and you're just gonna have to deal with.

- [whistling, bursting]

- ♪

- Oh my god!

If there was one person that I wouldn't leave here without,

it would be him.

- ♪

- There he is right there.

Landon. Landon, let's get out of here.

- Get the [bleep] out of here and go do something dirty!

- ♪

- Yeah!

- LANDON: Leaving the girls. We're out of here, let's go.

Let's go paint the town.

- Landon, is it really down this way?

- It's right here.

- Oh, this is it?

- ♪

- It's my buddy's birthday tonight.

- Oh! Oh, yeah, put it hard! Put it hard!

My th birthday has been wonderful.

- Yes, girls!

- ♪

- Punkass! That a girl! Beautiful!

I was having a lot of fun

dancing with one of the bartenders.

I'm just trying, you know, take it all in.

You wanna come over?

Sit in the hot tub or something like that?

- [drunken squealing]

- LANDON: I have a romantic side,

and I have another side of me where you're at the bar,

and those are the girls that you just make out with.

We are exactly a block from the, uh, church.

And I don't even know what I'm looking for.

I don't know if I'm looking for a relationship.

I don't know if I'm looking for a one-night stand.

I don't know.

- ♪

♪

- Oh my god!

- [shouting]

- [party horn honks]

- I've never really had a birthday where everybody's

kind of, like, collaborating together.

- Whoa! And do it! - Woo-hoo!

- [party horn honks]

- MELANIE: My god! - Watch out.

- I love my ladies!

Muja Star comes out whenever his twin brother is really tired

and has been out partying.

- ♪

- Oh, my god!

- Melanie?!

- Your package is huge. - Oh, yes!

- Turn around, turn around.

- MJ: Muja Star is my split personality.

My twin just happens to be a superhero.

Muja Star will come

[unintelligible] where evil lurks!

- SHAVONDA: Landon, look! Muja Star's looking for you!

- I do not wanna see the [unintelligible].

I don't love anything about it!

Get away from me, ostrich skin!

Don't! Get away from me.

- MJ: --evil [unintelligible] are lurking.

My boy!

Muja Star is here to protect the house from all intruders.

He simply takes the special star that he has on his back,

throws it at people, and they're dead before they even know it.

- ♪

- [wind gusting]

- ♪

- [crashing]

- Oh my god. MJ-- - Look at you!

- --you are an all-star. - You definitely are.

Give me some. Give me some.

- ♪

- They're wasted!

- BOTH: [giggling]

- ♪

- You see the girls he brings to the house?

Yeah.

Do you know how many diseases are out there?

Do you know where her mouth has been?

Do you know where your mouth might have been last night?

Like, that is sick.

- It's nice.

It's been a long--it's been a long time here since I've had,

you know, like, a hug or a kiss or anything else.

So...

- ♪

- ♪

♪ Ooh, baby

♪ Ooh, I like your style

♪

♪ You're sweet as honey and cool as a crocodile ♪

♪

♪ You could make a real cool cat go wild ♪

♪

- Aaah!

- MJ!

You have a dirty [unintelligible].

Get the [bleep] out of here, MJ. Ha, ha, ha!

- Man, you gotta go somewhere better than the shower,

because I'm always gonna catch my little peek.

- ♪

- SHAVONDA: I'm not one of those people

who can bring a guy home from a club.

I've never done it, and I'm not like that.

And to see Landon, someone I totally dig and get along with

and love to death, and love to wrestle with and play with...

I won't even sleep in his bed anymore.

That's just nasty.

- ♪

♪ Go, go

♪ Go, cat, wild

♪ I say go, go

♪ Go, cat, wild

♪ I say go, go

♪ Go, cat, wild

♪ I said you could make a real cool cat go wild ♪

♪♪

- ♪

- You'll be fine, okay? - All right.

- All right, take care. - All right.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- SARAH: So, uh--

- I didn't have sex, either. - Oh, you didn't?

You didn't convince what's her name, Maggie?

- Uh...Cassandra.

- SARAH: Our house is one big room, and there's no privacy.

Even though Landon doesn't seem to have a problem with that,

I think a lot of us do.

- It just sounded good.

- I can make those sounds for you.

- [laughs] - I won't touch you, but--

I can't enjoy having sex in a bathroom or a shower.

I'm sorry.

- ♪

- Landon? - LANDON: Yeah?

- Are you gonna clean out this shower?

- Why would I? - SHAVONDA: You had sex in it.

- I did? Were you watching?

- Having sex in the shower

when it's a communal shower is just sick.

- I didn't have sex in it last night.

Thanks, though.

Shavonda is very territorial over me.

And I think it just pisses her off

that I would dare bring a girl home.

- Don't be a [bleep] about it. I'm just wondering.

- LANDON: Don't assume anything.

- By your slurping, I'm gonna assume that you're having sex.

Well, if I hear moaning and groaning--

If I hear-- - [claps twice]

- --I'm gonna think you're having sex.

And that's, like, [bleep] knocked over.

You can almost, like, map out the scene of the crime.

- I like to press Shavonda's buttons

just to see her reaction.

- He's really combative with me.

Landon just likes to argue with me.

I don't know why, but...

Maybe it's 'cause I rejected him. Hm.

- ♪

- FEMALE VOICE ON PA: Next stop for the Ridge Avenue subway.

- I think, uh, Vonda's pissed. - About what?

- About last night. - She's not.

- Having a relationship between Shavonda and I

has crossed my mind a lot.

- No, I think she's fine. She has a boyfriend.

- ♪

- I honestly think me and Landon

are gonna have it out pretty soon.

- SHAUN: Why? - He's a [bleep]. He's an a*s.

- She's jealous. - No, she's fickle.

- And then--then I come out to her, and she's not--

- She doesn't know what she wants.

- Landon, he is short and sarcastic as all [bleep].

- SHAUN: Remember what we said about short people, though?

Like, what's the rule? - Little man syndrome?

- I've never, like, tried to cross the line,

trying to kiss her or anything.

But just talking about it, you know?

And she's like, "No."

- "Oh, I just think it's interesting how you think

I didn't [bleep] her, I didn't have sex with her."

I'm like, "Well, whatever you [bleep] did,

"[bleep] are in here. They're not my [bleep].

They're hers."

If I'm in the bathroom trying to brush my teeth

or something, I hear the smacking and the slurping--

Next time Landon has sex in the shower,

I'm gonna get that nasty

blue-and-white Hawaiian shirt that he loves to wear,

and I'm gonna clean the shower with it.

- [doorbell rings]

- Oh, it's flowers. Vonda!

- SHAVONDA: Yes? - Come get your flowers!

- SHAVONDA: Coming!

- ♪

- Thank you very much. - You're very welcome.

- WILLIE: Wow! They're so beautiful!

And I never say that.

What does the card say? What does the card say?

- Let's see.

- ♪

- "I'm so sorry, and I love you."

Ooh. Yay.

Shaun sent me flowers.

- ♪

- SHAVONDA: He loves sending me red roses.

I love 'em. - I told you he loves ya.

- Red rose before I left.

And for Valentine's Day, a red rose.

And the card says, "I am so sorry, and I love you."

Those are beautiful.

- Did you call him? - SHAVONDA: Not yet.

- KARAMO: You better go call him immediately,

tell him you love him, and say thank you.

- [phone rings]

- They're so pretty. You like to give me red roses.

- SHAUN: They mean I love you.

- Everything is great with Shaun.

Everything is-- [sighs] more than great.

Excellent.

- ♪

- SHAVONDA: Landon! - Oh-h*!

- SHAVONDA: Stop! Don't you think--

- I could write an erotic story right now.

- Do you think about these girls when you're, like,

hooking up with other girls in the shower?

- Yeah. You're like, oh, it's not as nice.

- [smacks bed] - [laughs]

- And these girls are such hopefuls.

- I don't care. I'll never talk to her again.

- Landon, she was really cute. - LANDON: That's fine.

Like [unintelligible] looking for something that's decent.

- I guess guys don't get as attached as girls do.

They can use women as objects for the night

and throw them away the next day.

I could never do that.

So should we just expect that?

I think the reason why I got upset about it

is 'cause I didn't expect it. - No, you shouldn't expect it

every night. Like, I--that's--

I don't want one-night stands after--you know,

one-night stands, I don't want that.

- I just like to be taken care of by a boy.

- Mm-hmm. - And Shaun does that.

He's very...

- Lots of guys can do that.

[coughs] Just to let you know.

- ♪

- I don't know how realistic it is for me to look for

a relationship while I'm out here.

Shavonda, she blows me away.

I mean, she's so incredible, and sweet, and beautiful.

Uhh, whatever.

So I guess that's what I'm looking for.

- And do you know what it was?

I went from going from one extreme--

I went from a [bleep] guy to a great guy,

and not having any in-between.

Like, when Shaun would hold my hand--

- LANDON: Maybe Shaun is the in-between.

- I don't want to think of that. I can't believe it.

I can't imagine myself being any happier, you know?

If I'm any happier, my cheeks are gonna fall out.

- ♪

- SHAVONDA: I feel like genuinely,

Shaun is the only person who cares about me.

I don't have anybody in my life that unconditionally loves me

except for Shaun.

It's scary, though, because I'm afraid

that I'll leave Shaun behind sometimes.

Like, what if I enjoy this too much?

- LANDON: [laughs] - No!

And he slowly, you know, is pushed out my life?

Shaun still won't look.

He still doesn't open car doors for me, 'cause he knows--

- LANDON: Really? - SHAVONDA: I like chivalry.

- LANDON: I always do that.

- ♪

- LANDON: Next, on "The Real World."

- This is technically an assignment with a deadline.

- LANDON: I'm not just gonna leave it up to my roommates

to do it, because if it doesn't get done,

then we're all gonna look bad.

- Landon mistrusts everybody else's ability

to do the job well.

- Oh! Oh, no, no, no!

- SARAH: All I'm asking him to do is be quiet.

- You came on and started bitching at me.

- Don't talk to me ever.

- KARAMO: I'm so confused. I thought you were the one

without the game, and MJ had the game.

And you got the game.

So what's your mack plan to get her into the shower?

You gotta have some line. - I just ease on up into her.

- What are you saying to these chicks to get 'em in the shower?

- I'm just nice.

- Oh, you're saying, "Let's go shower"?

Is that what you say? "Let's go shower?"

- Oh, you mean, like, actually, like,

literally from here be like--

- Yeah, like, what--what are you--

- I'm just like, let's go rinse off.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- KARAMO: That's the line I was looking for!