[classical music playing]
The drummer is, in my opinion,
the center of the universe.
[chorus vocalizing]
Nobody's really boppin'
to the vocals or the guitar.
As a drummer, you are moving people.
[Lil Wayne] Drums are not
too complicated to feel,
and when you feel music,
that's unforgettable.
[Stewart Copeland]
All of the other extrapolations, melody
are just decoration
for the fundamental business of music,
which is to motivate the pelvic region
and induce humans involuntarily
to perform a mating dance,
in public, driven by the drums.
[Stewart laughs]
Those f*cking guitarists!
Wha-- Who needs those guys?
It's the beat they're dancing to.
[dramatic music playing]
Travis has a very unique style,
instantly identifiable.
You know, the physicality
is just mind-boggling.
[Taylor Hawkins]
Everyone's got their own feel, you know?
I mean, some bands have drummers
that make them cook
and put 'em on the edge all the time.
When I see Travis playing the drums,
it really looks like
he's beating the sh*t out of somebody.
Aggression, pain, anger,
he's been through all that.
[Matt Skiba] You know, the things that
he's lived through and survived,
I think that most people
would just curl up into a ball.
But I think that there is
a higher force at play.
[MGK] Falling from the sky like Icarus...
probably does some crazy sh*t
to your head.
[YUNGBLUD] Every single hit
is him communicating
his story to the world.
And, dude, he has got a crazy story.
f*ck me, he's got a crazy story.
[faint siren wailing]
[airplane whooshing]
[expl*si*n booms]
[sirens wailing]
[reporter] The witness told us he was
a few hundred yards away last night
and saw what he called
"a fireball rolling across the highway."
Then he said he saw two men
who were standing in the road on fire
on fire hitting each other
trying to put the fire out.
[groans, yells]
[fire roaring]
[waves crashing]
[drums thudding]
[cymbals crashing]
[Travis Barker] Since the crash,
I've never stepped foot on a plane.
I can't even fathom the thought.
And-And when I do even put it
in my head and I let it--
I let my mind even think about it...
I have the worst flashbacks
of the accident,
and I just, I can't do it.
I want to stay as far away
from death or anything
that could bring death my way...
in any way possible.
[gentle music playing]
I take the Queen Mary to Europe.
It's a nine-day cruise
straight through the Atlantic.
It's really the only way I can tour.
[Lawrence Vavra] We don't wanna have
Travis doing anything unsafe.
But it's not the ideal touring scenario.
His band mates, they all understand.
Everyone gets it, you know?
He knows the route so well now,
that he knows exactly
when they're around the Titanic.
You know, when those waters get high...
[waves crashing]
you know, he stays
with his life jacket sometimes.
He's got this fear, you know,
that, at any time,
he's not gonna be on this earth.
[Dr. John Briere]
When you've been traumatized,
your physiology shifts in some ways,
probably from an evolutionary perspective.
Your memories tend to become
what we call hyper-consolidated,
which means that they get
very strongly ingrained in the mind
in a very vivid sort of way.
But for some of us,
if the trauma is severe enough,
we may think that we're back in the event
or that the event's happening
all over again.
[indistinct radio chatter]
[Travis]
Get us an ambulance, man.
[Travis groans, yells]
[Travis] I've taken the Queen Mary,
I think, six times now.
I've gotten used to it,
and I've really figured out
my rhythm on there.
I just focus on training
and playing drums for hours a day.
The first time I came on the boat,
I brought a drum kit,
and I would set up in a room
they provided for me.
Sometimes I'll go in there,
and I'd be playing
and I'd be closing my eyes, whatever,
just practicing the same thing,
you know, and then I'd open,
and there'd be, like, five elderly people
just standing this close to me
just watching, sipping coffee,
thinking I was, like,
an attraction on the boat.
[chuckles]
I felt like this was the best way
to keep it private
and not bug my neighbors.
[tapping]
I'd like to challenge myself to sound like
I'm on a bigger drum kit
with two bass drums
and a million cymbals.
I always loved seeing drummers
play really small kits
and just destroy them.
My favorite jazz drummer
has and always will be Buddy Rich.
He had crazy chops, and he was a showman.
-[audience cheering, applauding]
-He made the upside-down drum solo famous.
Most people think of his speed,
and how fun he was to watch.
And ultimately, that's my two
favorite things about drummers.
I would describe Travis's kit
as the Buddy Rich setup.
One tom-tom in the front, two on the side,
horizontal cymbals
that are flat, not tilted.
The smallest drum set, the most power.
-[upbeat electronic music playing]
-One, two, three
[Stewart] There's the monster kit guys,
and there's the guys
who can do it with less.
[Questlove] The one and last time
I did a drum battle with Trav,
he didn't let up for a moment.
And I was like,
"Don't let them see you give up.
You better do all these triple rolls."
[vocalizes triple rolls]
[panting] And I'm like,
"You ready to stop yet? f*ck."
[audience cheering]
[Matt] I mean, the guy's an artist
and he's a musician,
but what he does is so athletic.
The only thing akin to the way
that he plays drums I've seen
is like a boxer, or a UFC fighter.
You know, he goes into every show
like he's going into a ring.
[inaudible dialogue]
[dramatic classical music playing]
[Lawrence] Every time he hits a drum,
there's a part of his anger
that comes out.
There's a lot of pain in Travis.
[dramatic classical music continues]
[Mark Hoppus] He is hitting
as hard as he possibly can,
but it's never off time in any way.
Savage accuracy is the only way
I can describe it, I guess.
[Sheila E.] When I first saw him play,
like, his high hat, it's so high.
You want to reach
the people way out there,
so y-you feel like you have to be big.
Bigger than life.
His elbow's gonna go out, his rotator.
I'm thinking of all of the things
that are gonna hurt him later.
-My wrists, like, make lots of noises...
-[wrist clicking]
...and they crack, and they pop.
There's a lot of blisters, a lot of cuts.
[Tim Armstrong] One day, we're about
halfway through our set, Travis stops.
I look closer, and his hand is opened up.
It was his bone.
[Daniel Jensen]
He has this stuff called Dermabond,
which is used for women
who have cesarean section births.
[Tim]
And he just puts the Dermabond on.
He sits up...
"I'm good."
Finished the set, man,
like nothing ever happened,
but that's him.
[dramatic classical music continues]
Usually, you just watch the whole band,
but I was directly zoomed in on him.
This guy's an animal.
[Dr. Teeth] Be a better drummer,
be an up-and-comer
Can you picture that?
Can you picture that?
Drum w*r!
-Animal!
-[audience cheering]
[Travis] As a kid, the first thing
that got me interested in drums
was Animal from The Muppets.
He was wild and always looked like
he was having such a good time
behind the kit.
[bellows, grunts]
Everyone else was just whatever.
Animal was what I was drawn to.
Who's the Animal now?
-Oh, yeah?
-[audience laughs]
[grunts]
[laughs]
He would go out in the kitchen,
pull pots and pans
out of the cupboard...
and he was banging on 'em,
and my wife, she said,
"I think I'm gonna try
and make him a drummer."
At four, I-I got my first drum kit,
and it was a Muppets drum kit.
And he just beat the daylights out of it.
-["death bed" by Powfu playing]
-Don't stay awake for too long...
[Travis] Well, as a kid,
I really didn't enjoy practicing.
At that age, you don't really want
to do anything.
You just want to go play
with your friends.
So, I'm really fortunate
I had a really disciplined schedule
with practice.
Don't stay awake for too long...
[Tamara Barker] My mom, she sat
in the room with him while he practiced.
She would tape his drum lesson,
so she knew exactly what it
was supposed to sound like
and what he was supposed to be doing.
[Travis] My mom learned
how to read music with me.
She could pretty much play
what I could play,
and she knew whether
I was practicing or not.
And she'd be like, "No, that's not right.
You're not doing that right."
Don't stay awake for too long...
She was adamant about me
just growing up to be something.
Like I was her little creation
that she was molding.
I'm happy that you're here with me,
I'm sorry if I tear up...
[Randalai Barker]
He was really close with my mom.
Without my mom,
I don't think he would've practiced
and did all those things
to get where he is today.
...every time you heard a bark
Cuddle...
[Travis] Growing up, you know,
I was, I was a mama's boy
and Pops was there
to reinforce anything she said.
I was the enforcer.
She was the home teacher.
[Travis]
It was a very humble living.
Pops built our house
with his own two hands.
He was a Vietnam vet
and a steel mill worker
that rode a Harley-Davidson every day.
He was working 60 hours a week
to provide for us.
So, I didn't get to spend
a whole lot of time with him.
[Randalai] My dad never smiled.
He was very serious.
Most of our friends were afraid of him
when they came to the house,
but I don't know anybody who didn't,
who didn't love our mom.
[Randy Barker] She was one fine lady.
Very dedicated to her kids.
And then all of a sudden, the sides
of her face would swell up in here.
For four months,
they treated her as having mumps.
In the beginning,
they just didn't know what it was.
My mom was diagnosed
with Sjgren's syndrome,
which attacks the lymph nodes.
[Randy] They told us
that she needed to have, uh,
chemotherapy done right away.
The next day, I went to work
and when I came home that night,
my daughter said, you know,
"Something's the matter with Mom."
Um...
[clears throat]
[somber music playing]
Thirty days later, she was gone.
[Travis] I was confused, angry...
kind of made me question God
and just religion and everything
I'd been brought up on.
I was just like, "Wow, why would God
do something so f*cked up?"
My pops wasn't really in a place
to answer anything
because he was also grieving.
We didn't, uh, you know,
we really didn't discuss it
that much, me and my, and my kids.
We just kind of took it as it came.
[Travis] Before my mom passed,
we found out my dad was in a relationship
with another woman...
which made it even more difficult.
He was spending a lot of time with her
and then coming back
and staying with us when we needed him.
I resented him for the obvious reasons.
There wasn't, like,
that one stable foundation to go to
and be like,
"Yo, this is difficult for me."
I just bottled up all my pain
and put it into drums.
I think drums was my therapy.
The last thing my mom said to me was,
"Just focus on your music.
Become a drummer."
And I just came
on the first day of school,
and I said, "I want in the marching band."
It was drumline, jazz band.
That was just my life.
How do I fulfill this goal
that my mom had for me?
[tattoo machine buzzing]
[Randalai]
Travis was, overall, a good kid.
But after she passed away, he acted out.
[Travis]
I got my first tattoo when I was 15.
And my dad always said,
"The day you get a tattoo,
I'm gonna kick your a*s.
I'm gonna kick you out of the house."
So, I was kinda shook,
but at the same time,
my mom had just passed away,
and in my head,
things couldn't get much worse.
And I was rebellious.
It was that age
where I just didn't... really give a f*ck.
[hard rock music playing]
[Randy] I was really irritated.
I told him, "One day,
you're gonna be sorry,
you know, that-that you did this."
[Travis] He'd be like, "You're an idiot.
You're never gonna be able to get a job."
[Randy] When he got out
of high school, I told him,
"You better get yourself a job, boy."
And he said, "No, Dad,
I don't have to worry about getting a job.
I'm-I'm gonna be in the music."
I figured, if I get tattoos
all over my neck,
and all over my body, all over my hands,
I can't get a job,
and I won't have a plan B.
And to me, that was perfect.
My goal was to make enough money to eat,
have somewhere to sleep,
and play the drums.
My father gave me an ultimatum:
join the military,
work 60 hours a week and pay rent,
or move out and do whatever you like.
I told Pops, "I'm outta here.
I'm gonna go live with my friend
"and play in a punk rock band,
and be a trash man in Laguna Beach."
And that's what I did.
Follow me
When you work for the city
in Laguna Beach,
if you're a trash man
and you work in downtown,
they call you a "downtown rat."
So I was a downtown rat.
[Taylor]
Humble beginnings, I saw them.
Trash man, literally.
Just trying to f*cking
make something happen.
[hard rock music playing]
[Travis] At the time, I was playing
in a band called Feeble,
and Feeble was playing around quite a bit.
[hard rock music continues]
[Taylor] I had a girlfriend at the time,
and she's like,
"This band, Feeble, they have this kid."
She goes, "You gotta see
this kid play drums."
[Noel Paris]
A lot of people came just to watch him.
[singing indistinctly]
It was a sense of power
coming from this little, skinny kid
that I'd never seen before.
[Taylor] He was just a kid,
but he just had this, like,
"Oh, you're gonna get picked up
by a band eventually
and you will be a star attraction
in that band."
f*ck' Travis.
[cheering and applause]
[Christian Jacobs] Our bass player came
to practice one night, and he was like,
"Guys, I have the perfect kid.
He'll blow you away.
"And he's only 18 or 19,
and he can go on tour.
And he's punk, he's perfect."
[ska music playing]
[Travis] I know nothing about The Aquabats
except that I hear their name everywhere.
Like, everyone in our scene
was talking about them.
I show up the day of the show,
and I know all the songs, I do soundcheck.
And he shows up, and he's like,
"Okay, what time we go on?"
And I said, "Here,"
and I gave him his costume,
and he was like, "W-Wait, what?"
[Travis]
I had all my friends come down,
and all my friends
were from Fontana or Riverside.
They were all kinda hood.
So they just thought it was
so funny I was up there
in, like, a rashguard and a cape
and these f*cking goggles,
but there was two
to three thousand kids there.
So I didn't care.
-I was just excited to play.
-[crowd cheering]
You're the best kids in the world!
["Super Rad!" by The Aquabats playing]
[Bill Fold] He gets into the band
and he was just a monster on the drums.
I start paying attention to them,
and I end up managing them.
We're on our way...
We put out The Fury of the Aquabats!
on Goldenvoice Recordings.
It went phenomenally well
for a ska band from another planet.
Travis moved into my house in Riverside.
Travis was definitely the standout
because Travis was the punk rock kid.
So, like, it was always a problem
with whether he'd wear the uniforms.
All systems go...
[John Feldmann]
I remember first time seeing Travis
doing this marching cadence thing,
and I was like, [laughing] "Holy sh*t!"
Because in our movement,
it was like everyone just did...
[vocalizes frantic drums]
or... [vocalizes rhythmic drums]
Those are, like, the two
kind of beats that you had.
Our drummer,
I could just tell immediately was like,
"This guy is a threat."
All systems go
As we step into the octagon
Feel the wrath of mission codename
Applesauce, Applesauce, Applesauce
Super rad!
[audience cheering]
Right on, homies!
[waves crashing]
[serene music playing]
[Christian] We didn't know a whole lot
about Travis's home life growing up.
Just little things that
he would tell us here and there.
But the one thing that
I always noticed was he was so driven.
[Bill] He is a walking metronome.
He's a perfectionist.
[Lars Ulrich] Guys that come out
of marching bands
and really have the rudiments down,
I admire it, uh, and I'm awestruck by it.
[Questlove] That's a lot of muscle memory.
That's a lot of discipline
and technique and commitment.
[Christian]
He'd always be on his practice pad.
We'd be in the van,
like, traveling for hours,
and Travis would be on his headphones,
on his practice pad playing along.
He was always playing the drums.
[drumming continues]
He was driven to get somewhere.
He was trying to get away from something.
I could just only piece things together.
But I could tell he was kinda hurtin'.
I think that his mom passing away
was still really fresh in his heart
when he was in the band.
[Mark] We were playing a show
with The Aquabats,
and our drummer had to leave.
[Tom DeLonge] Basically, there was
a family emergency with our old drummer.
And actually, I believe
he was the one that says,
"That cat from the opening band
probably can fill in. He's really good."
[Travis] Mark and Tom
come up to me and they said,
"Yo, our drummer just left.
Would you consider playing?
The only-- The only catch is
the show starts in an hour."
[Mark] We grabbed our guitars,
we went into, uh, a dressing room,
uh, ran through everything
as best we could.
[Travis] You know, I didn't have
a drum kit backstage,
but I just played on my knees...
and played our first show.
[audience cheering]
[Mark] We're just moments away
from taking the stage
and making total asses out of ourselves.
They're gonna laugh at us.
They're all gonna laugh at us.
-[emcee] Go ahead, Tom.
-[Tom] f*ck you, alright?
[playing "Aliens Exist"]
Hey, Mom, there's something
in the back room
Hope it's not the creatures
from above...
During the show, you're going,
"Is he gonna remember
when the song ends?" You know?
"Is he gonna know
the chorus is comin' up?"
We all know conspiracies are dumb
[Mark] It really felt special,
that show, Travis stepping in,
and having it be so effortless.
I am still a skeptic,
yes, you know me...
We were watching 'cause, obviously,
that's our drummer playing with Blink.
We could see Mark and Tom
looking at each other like,
"This is crazy."
They had, like, stars in their eyes,
and Travis is just killin' it.
Nice to know ya, paranoia...
I think the guys in our band were looking
at each other like, "It's over."
Up all night long
And there's something very wrong
And I know it must...
[Bill] I remember a conversation
we had on our back porch.
He had a hard decision to make.
I'm not like you guys
Twelve majestic lies
Hey, thanks a lot, man. I appreciate that.
That was f*cking great.
[cheering and applause]
[Travis]
I was havin' a hard time with the decision
'cause I felt really bad.
I'd been with the band for two years,
and I loved playing with The Aquabats.
[Bill] There's a ton of great drummers
that no one ever knows
because they just didn't catch
a particular break.
I told Travis to do it.
[drumming]
[speaker] Woo-hoo!
If we wanna, we can add [bleep]
to, like, the verse.
Like, just layer it a little bit?
Oh, I think as long as the tempo
stays the same.
[overlapping chatter]
Let's take it from the [bleep] top.
["What's My Age Again?"
by Blink-182 playing]
The way it usually works
is Mark and I would write these things
on an acoustic guitar
in his bedroom or some sh*t
and work our way through the structure.
I remember Travis was like,
"f*ck, can't you guys write something
with a different beat?"
And I remember I looked at him.
I was like,
"Well, f-f*ck, dude, that's, like,
kind of your job." [laughs]
I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne...
I saw his head tilt kind of like a puppy,
you know, when they're kinda confused,
and something clicked.
And then he just opened up the valve.
And that's about the time
she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
[Tom] We had a meeting
at the record label,
and the president of the label says,
"You need to prepare for three things:
"you're gonna be bigger
than you ever thought.
"You're gonna make more money
than you ever thought.
And you're gonna be more famous
than you ever thought."
And I said,
"This guy's f*cking high." [laughs]
And that's about the time
she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
At this point, you know,
we're barely getting out of clubs
where our friends' bands are lighting
drumsticks on fire in their a*s.
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
There's nothing about that
that's gonna be in an arena, you know?
Um, but I was wrong.
["All The Small Things" playing]
All the small things...
[Mark] We started touring that album
and went from, literally,
asking people at shows
if we could stay at their house
'cause we didn't have money enough
to get a hotel room,
to being on TRL
and people screaming in Times Square
when we would walk to the windows.
It was insane.
Say it ain't so...
[Tom] sh*t was just, like, exploding.
That was quite a wild ride.
Carry me home
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na...
[Travis]
We were three kids just trying to navigate
through this new world together.
But there was a sense of comfort
because I was doing it
with, like, my two brothers.
[crowd cheering]
-[music ends]
-[cheering and applause]
[serene music playing]
[faint crowd cheering]
I was touring with Blink nonstop.
It was tough...
especially since
I was married at the time.
I kinda realized that the relationship
wasn't working for either of us anymore.
I remember we had got into a huge blowout,
and she had said something to me like,
"You know what?
Why don't you go back to LA
and go do your thing out there."
I went back to LA soon after that.
And life just kept getting crazier.
[funky upbeat music playing]
[Tim] I started a side project called
the Transplants with my friend Rob,
and Rob was Rancid's roadie.
"Security."
But we didn't know really what it was,
and it didn't have a drummer.
We were throwing a couple names around,
but we were like,
"If we're gonna get one, let's get
the best one that there is," you know?
[crowd cheering]
[Tim] It was all of our band, but Travis,
he was almost like the maestro.
I feel like I won the lottery
of punk rock, man.
-["Tall Cans in the Air" playing]
-Nobody move, nobody get hurt
[Travis] It was drum and bass,
it was punk rock,
it was rap, it was hardcore.
It was everything.
Take a look around, baby,
yeah, my whole...
[Tim] In a lot of ways,
the Transplants were
all of Travis's universes in one band.
-Tall cans in the air, let me see 'em
-f*ck you
The energy of us
playing together was wild.
-...let me see 'em
-f*ck you
I had friends that were
in punk rock for a long time,
and they were like,
"Damn, the Transplants's pit,
man, that's the wildest pit
I've ever been in."
[crowd cheering]
Me and Rob would go out every night
'til six or seven o'clock in the morning.
Oh, we'd party. [laughs]
I guess we did our fair share
of everything.
["Gangsters and th*gs" playing]
[Shanna Moakler] I met Travis
at a nightclub called The Standard.
I went out with my girlfriend,
and she had a crush
on one of his bandmates.
Gangsters and th*gs...
She said, like, that she didn't know
who he was or some sh*t.
Some of my friends sell drugs...
[Travis] Whatever hot spot there was,
every night, Shanna and I would go out.
I was constantly partying.
You see that little heart there,
beating nicely?
[Travis] From the day I found out
Shanna was pregnant with Landon,
you could just see
I was trying to make a change.
I started exercising,
which I never did before.
One day, I just left the house
and ran to the freeway and back.
I didn't really know what I was doing,
but I wanted to be healthier.
So that started being my regimen,
run to the freeway and back every day.
I had this burning desire
to become the greatest father I could be.
Good job, bubbies.
-Good boy. Okay, let's walk.
-[whispering] Come on, come on.
[Travis] But I was constantly touring.
[dramatic music playing]
Traveling, it's really,
really difficult for me.
With Blink, it went from us flying
a couple times a week
into multiple times in one day.
[Tom]
Travis was always scared of flying,
even before his accident.
He would be shaking during takeoff
[chuckling] and...
with rosaries on the f*cking tray.
That's how nervous he was then.
Before he ever got on a plane,
he always called me.
I could tell he was
a little on the frightened side.
He probably picked
some of that up from his mother.
[Travis] When I was a kid,
my mom and I flew to Chicago,
and my mom was just in tears.
She was a mess. She hated flying.
I think that, like, zapped me
into hating flying as well
just 'cause I saw my mom hating it
and she was afraid,
and I think at that age you're like,
"I'm afraid, too, then."
My friends knew how much
I dreaded being on planes,
and one of them gave me a pill
to help with my anxiety.
They were like,
"Just take this," you know?
"It, like, helps you not stress out,
and it'll, like, numb you.
You might even fall asleep."
It started off really mellow
in the beginning.
One or two pills
before we'd go on a flight.
But things didn't stop there at all.
It went from taking painkillers
before we'd go on a flight
to actually having to be on 'em
or I couldn't even function.
[inhales deeply]
We were on tour,
and we were takin' a lotta pills.
I couldn't be like,
"Hey, bro, you need to slow down,"
while I'm over here f*cking
super f*cked up, you know?
[Shanna] He told me, you know,
"I take about 20 to 30 pills
a day sometimes," you know?
And that just was like,
"How are you alive right now?"
[Randalai] I don't know if that was just
part of the whole being famous
and the party scene...
or if it had anything to do
with self-medicating
because maybe he was hurting in,
in other ways that we didn't know he was.
Whether it was from our mom not being here
or things like that,
I-I honestly don't know.
[Travis] In order for me to sleep,
I would take OxyContin...
to the point where
I felt like I was melting.
I was self-medicating because
I was having to fly almost every day
and be away from my kids.
I was taking so many pills
that I had a security guard
whose only job was to watch me sleep
and make sure I was still breathing.
I started thinking, I might be hitting
a place where I needed to go to rehab.
There was this huge desire
to just quit everything.
But heading back out on tour
and dealing with life on the road
and not being with my kids...
I didn't have the strength.
[vocalizing]
[Mark] In 2005, we were on
this European tour in the dead of winter,
and every single night, we were backstage
just screaming at one another.
And we got back from that tour,
and I got a call from our manager saying,
"Tom's not coming.
Tom's done.
He's not, he's not comin' back."
I think at the time, we were
really overworked and just gone a lot.
[Tom] You know, we're exhausted.
We've been working for years.
We weren't all aligned.
I think Travis was
in a different frame of mind at the time
where, you know,
he had his television show,
and he was kind of insatiable.
He wanted to keep going and going
on an everyday basis,
and my family wasn't set up
to support that.
I need to be at home.
I have a daughter, she's two,
and I've been gone this whole time.
And even on our one break,
I did the Box Car Racer record.
["I Feel So" by Box Car Racer playing]
[Travis] Tom and I had done
a side project called Box Car Racer.
Box Car was a little heavier
than what Blink was.
Sometimes, I wish I was brave...
And in the back of my head, I wondered,
"How is this gonna go down?
Like, how is this gonna work?"
Wish I was young, wish I was shy...
From my standpoint,
it was everything about Blink except me.
'Cause I feel so mad...
[Tom] Did the band ever recover
from the Box Car Racer years?
Uh, not the same. No.
You know, I don't think it did.
Let's start over
[Travis] The year Blink broke up,
I had just bought a house
in, like, a nice community
'cause we were having kids, you know?
I think Alabama was just born.
But balancing home life and touring,
our relationship was getting
more and more challenging.
And divorce came soon after.
My marriage fell apart,
my band fell apart.
It felt like my whole world
was falling apart.
[crowd cheering]
["When Your Heart Stops Beating"
by +44 playing]
I'll be there
when your heart stops beating...
I started a project with Mark called +44.
And I had some more time
to focus on a streetwear brand
I started a few years back
called Famous Stars and Straps.
["Can a Drummer Get Some"
by Travis Barker playing]
[k*ller Mike] The Famous F,
the Famous t-shirt, it was everywhere.
As a rap fan, you wanted
to show up in a Famous shirt.
8[Nate Diaz] Famous Stars and Straps
was my whole wardrobe.
I had probably every shirt they had.
Boom, guess who stepped in the room...
[The Game]
There was a kid named Lil' Chris,
and what a f*cking standup guy
Lil' Chris was, man.
[Travis] One day, I'm in the office
in Famous Stars and Straps,
and Nicole, who worked with me
at the time, was like,
"Who's outside washing
your car right now?"
And it's Lil' Chris. He had, like,
figured out where my office was.
So I went out, and I said,
"Hey, what's up, man?"
He's like, "Hey, what's up?"
He'd say, "Yo, I wash cars.
I'm gonna come by all the time
and make sure your cars are cleaned."
And I'm like, "Oh, I don't need
my car cleaned, though.
Everything's okay.
Like, you don't need to clean my car."
He's like, "No, I'm gonna
prove myself to you."
And I said, "Well, you're not
washing my car for free."
And then I'm like,
"This m*therf*cker is just like me."
He doesn't... [chuckles]
He's, like-- doesn't stop.
He's so determined,
and he's so motivated every day.
I was like, "This is my second half,
like my right hand."
He was into, like, lowriders
and skateboarding.
Everything I was into.
[Tim] They were, like, inseparable.
They were like a buddy movie come to life.
[slight chuckle] For real, man.
Me and Trav, we're out the door.
We've got meetings, meetings, meetings.
[Travis] So, I hired him as my assistant,
and we never spent, like, a day away
from each other from that point on.
He was like a brother to me.
Can a drummer get some?
[The Game] He had Lil' Chris
running from studio to studio
with these big bags of clothes
for all the hip-hop artists.
And I think that that was, um, his intro
in the hip-hop world, to be honest.
[tattoo machine buzzing]
[Mister Cartoon] He would show up at,
like, all rap crew, Psycho Realm.
We would see him through
all those different spots.
So, like, he knew
about those hardcore gigs.
Like, puts it together
with the black Cadillac,
rollin' in, inked up.
He was a tattoo maniac.
He was one
of the first celebrities I've known
to blast the side of their head.
Travis showed that he was
way ahead of the curve
by doing it way back then.
That's what made him stand out:
classic cars, tattoo culture,
music, everything together.
[Travis] I had been told for so long
that there's a drum machine
that takes the place
for drums in rap music.
I had pretty much counted myself out.
It was kinda around that time,
Rob hit me and he said,
"Yo, Bun and Pimp want you
to make a beat for Bun's album."
I was like, "I don't really make beats."
And he's like,
"Well, now you do." [laughs]
-[audience cheering]
-["Forever" playing]
[Drake] I got 'em.
Last name Ever, first name Greatest
Like a sprained ankle, boy,
I ain't nothin' to play with
I started...
[Travis]
If Bun and Pimp didn't challenge me,
I probably would have never even
attempted to make a rap beat.
-I'm in your city, faded off the brown
-Nino
But once I did, it just kept
going crazy from there.
At that point, I think I was playing
with every rapper I was listening to.
I was finally able to contribute
to another genre of music I grew up on.
[rapping]
-[airhorn blaring]
-[Eminem] Let's go.
There they go
Packin' stadiums
as Shady spits his flow...
[k*ller Mike] That drum matters in rap.
The fact that he understands
the subtle nuances
between what rock tracks demand on drums
and what programming drums demand on drums
says a lot about his duality
and dexterity.
Because usually,
rock drummers don't get it.
Back into the game, and they know rap
will never be the same as befo'
Bashin' in the brains of these...
and establishin' a name as he goes...
[Travis] My strengths lie
in listening to everything
and taking from everything.
...that I'm talkin' about when we riot
I'm Hannibal Lecter, so just in case
you're thinkin' of savin' face
You ain't gonna have no face to save
By the time I'm through
with this place, so, Drake
I want this sh*t forever, mane
[Travis] My goal would be
to be the most recorded
and collaborative drummer.
[record scratching]
-["Stay Fly" by Three 6 Mafia playing]
-I gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y...
Now I had met Adam a few times, DJ AM.
I gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y...
At the time, AM was, like,
the hottest DJ in LA.
Fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y
'Til I die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie...
He would hit every genre of music.
Watching AM play, like, records
that no one would dare play
and making them sound cooler
than they ever sounded,
already had my wheels spinning.
He could fill up a room, read the room,
and make them go crazy.
Here we go
Sure enough, we linked.
And I said, "Yo, I got this crazy idea.
"Drummer-DJ duo where
you're just throwin' records at me,
"and I provide the beat,
"and we just kind of remix records live,
but leave no genre untouched."
[audience cheering]
We got into a rehearsal space.
We didn't stop playing
for, like, four to five hours.
I don't think we spoke.
He was speaking through his turntables,
and I was speaking through my drums.
["Ring of Fire" playing]
[Tommy Lee] I remember seeing them
and having the drums playing
on top and in between,
it just added this,
like, whole other element.
It was f*ck' rad. [laughs]
[Travis] Adam was the greatest.
He was one of the nicest dudes ever.
Super positive.
Love is a burning thing
And it makes...
[Kevin Wolff]
Their personalities, so similar.
They'd laugh at the same jokes,
same type of sense of humor.
[Travis] We were very much cut
from the same cloth, you know,
except he was sober and I wasn't.
[music stops]
[Kevin] Throughout his sobriety,
which was over 10 years,
he did always talk about
how he was still struggling.
I think any addict will, will tell you
that, you know, it's,
it's, it's one day at a time,
and that demon is always there.
[Travis] This is the one dude
who challenged me to be sober.
He would actually make me be sober
for 48-hour periods of time
before I made big decisions.
[Lawrence]
AM really took his sobriety seriously.
AM really wanted Travis to just
not have that be a part of his life.
Not because it would affect
AM's life so much.
He knew how much better a father,
how much better a businessman,
how much better a musician
Travis would be
if he got that out of his life.
[Travis] I remember sitting
with my clothing attorney
and my music attorney.
They basically came and said, like,
"We're worried about you.
"Things are a little excessive right now,
"like the drug use, the pills.
We just wanna make sure
everything's okay."
And I remember being like,
"What the f*ck are you guys talking about?
Like, everything's fine.
Like, I'm a functioning addict I guess."
But deep down, I wondered
what it'd be like if I didn't do anything.
How good I'd be at running,
how good I'd be at boxing,
how good I'd be at drumming.
But... in my mind, I'd also accepted
I don't think I'll ever know.
[somber music playing]
[Lawrence] The boys had gotten booked
to do a private event.
AM was on the road for a while,
and he was meeting Travis there.
[Travis] I was like,
"I don't even know if I wanna go."
"Like, all these gigs
that I have to fly to?
I just, I feel like
I just want them to go away."
I just want to be at home with my kids.
Before I left, my daughter,
Alabama, was hysterically crying
and just saying, like,
"The roof is on fire,
and it's gonna come off."
And it was just the weirdest thing,
and she was hysterically crying.
She cried for, like,
two hours straight after I had left.
[Kevin] Travis actually flew in private.
He flew in with Lil' Chris and Che.
[Travis] Che was one
of my really good friends
that started touring with me as security.
The show was awesome.
It was outdoors.
It was a really good time.
But I think it was maybe 9:00 or 10:00,
and the whole event was over.
You know, I'd seen Lil' Chris
and AM gathering together,
and they were both like,
"Dude, let's try to go home tonight."
And I said, "Whatever you guys wanna do,
I'll-I'll roll with the punches,
but I'm cool to just chill."
Basically did a majority rules.
Who wants to fly home?
Who doesn't? I lost. [chuckles]
Um, but I was a team player.
I said, "I'll-I'll roll, whatever."
We leave the hotel,
we go over to the airport,
and it's, like, dark.
It's almost midnight, I think.
We're supposed to leave at midnight.
There's all these big, nice planes,
and then it's, like, foggy and weird,
and there's this little plane
[slight chuckle]
in the corner, and I was like,
"Man, I pray to God that's not
our f*cking plane over there."
And then, sure enough,
the dude drives past
all the big, nice planes and, of course,
drives to that f*cking plane.
[tense music playing]
We smoke out, we hotboxed
the driver's car.
We get out.
Chris takes a picture in front of it.
And he's like, "f*ck, this plane's sketch.
Like, we're on the smallest plane
at this f*cking airport."
I call my dad.
He said, "Dad," he says, uh...
And sent me a picture of the plane.
He says, "This is,
this is what we're gettin' on."
He says, "I-I don't really
wanna get on this plane."
I told him if something happens,
like, make sure everything's cool
with the kids, you know?
And, uh...
that was definitely, uh, emotional
for whatever reason.
When I called him, and he was like,
"Hey, wha-what's going on with you?"
And I said, "I don't know, Pal.
I just have, like..."
[sniffles]
[voice breaking] I just said,
"I have a weird feeling," you know?
[drum roll]
We got on the plane.
It was Chris, Che, Adam, and myself.
And I always sit by emergency exits
'cause I'm... [inhales deeply]
I'm a f*cking weirdo.
I've always done that since I ever,
you know, had to get on a plane.
I had smoked and drank.
I think took, like,
a Xanax bar and a Vicodin.
So I'm awake.
I think I'm almost dozing off
when we finally take off.
[jet engines whirring]
The thing I probably
hate most about flying
is just the rumbling of the jets
and you just know you're about
to haul a*s down a runway
and fly up into the air.
[engines roaring]
I hear really loud, like, g*nsh*t noises.
I feel it getting very rough.
I guess, at this point,
the landing gear had blown up.
The belly of the plane
is basically on the ground skidding,
and it, it catches fire.
And the plane attempted
to take off to go in the air,
and then we'd go down,
go in the air, go down.
[airplane whooshing]
And we end up hitting an embankment.
Just fire and chaos everywhere.
I couldn't go in front of me,
so I went to the side of me.
AM was knocked out.
He had hit his head, so I-I grabbed him
and I shook him, and he woke up.
Tried to make my way in front of him.
The lower parts of my arms caught fire.
I went to the emergency exit,
and I opened it.
Jumped out right into the jet
where all the fuel is.
Then, my whole body caught fire.
[flames whooshing]
I'm running,
and the fire just won't go out.
I stopped, dropped, and rolled,
and then AM came out,
and he patted my feet off fire.
Maybe 10 seconds later,
the plane blows up.
[cymbals crashing]
-[fire truck horn blaring]
-[sirens wailing]
[Randy] My heart sunk.
I-- You know, I thought I have lost a son.
[announcer]
Live from ABC 7.
[reporter 1] Four people are dead
and two critically injured.
[reporter 2] Barker and DJ AM,
whose real name is Adam Goldstein,
are in critical condition at a burn center
in Augusta, Georgia.
[Tom] I was in North Carolina
boarding a plane,
and on the television
outside the gate, it just pops up,
and it's, like, playing and it's the text,
and it's CNN and all this sh*t,
and I was just frozen.
[Dr. Peter Grossman]
Travis was in really bad shape.
These weren't just little burns
that he had.
These were extensive burns to his legs,
his feet, his buttocks,
his arms, his hands.
And there was an absolute concern
as to whether or not,
uh, he would survive.
[dark music playing]
[Travis]
My brain really wasn't functioning.
I was on morphine,
and I was on all sorts of medicine,
so I didn't even really understand...
the severity of it all.
I'd broke all of my ribs.
Fractured my back
in four different places.
They couldn't do any more surgeries,
and I was low on blood...
and then there was talks
of amputating my foot.
Sixty-five percent of my body was burnt.
It was f*cked up, you know? He, uh...
As soon as I walked in and seen him,
I start crying, you know, and, um...
[inhales deeply]
[Dr. Brian Weeks] Burn injuries
are probably the worst type of injury
that anybody could suffer.
You know, we've all burned
our finger with a blister
and, and knows what happens to that.
Well, imagine that with 65% of your body.
[Dr. Grossman] Clinically,
they were all third-degree burns,
which means we had to remove that skin.
In order to do that, you basically
have to shave away that skin.
You take these knives and you shave away.
You're skinning the patient.
When you take those skin grafts,
you're exposing nerve endings,
and that's very painful.
So now, he's got pain in his burn areas
and pain from the areas
where we harvested his skin.
[Travis] I was in a lot of pain.
They couldn't get
my pain management right,
so I was freaking out.
The normal amount
of pain medicine was not affecting him
and then, giving him even more
wasn't relieving his pain.
It became apparent to me
that this was someone whose body
was now physiologically addicted
to pain medication.
[Travis] I was basically,
like, on the same drugs
I was on every day,
so I could feel everything.
It was all a blur.
What had happened or who was alive,
I had no clue.
And then, obviously,
"Well, where's Chris and Che?"
And, um...
[Tim] His sister invited me down
to go to the burn unit,
and I walk in the room.
Then I go, "Man, Lil' Chris."
[exhales sharply]
And I don't cry ever, and he don't cry.
But we cried, bro.
That was about as sad as it gets.
[Travis] Che and Lil' Chris
were like brothers to me.
I was closer to Chris
than anyone in my entire life.
[Linda Warn] They were inseparable.
They had so much fun always.
Travis took Chris's dreams
and expectations and made them real.
[sniffles]
[Lawrence] Lil' Chris and Che's passing
was hard on everyone,
but it k*lled Travis.
Just k*lled him that he couldn't...
You know, Chris is having a funeral in LA,
and Travis is still at the burn center.
Even though he was physically recovering
and was getting in
a better place, physically,
every time I went to see him,
he seemed to be doing
a little worse, uh, emotionally.
He would, you know,
try to put on a brave face,
but he didn't know if he would
ever play the drums again.
He didn't know if he'd,
you know, be able to do
all these things he dreamed
of doing with his kids.
[Travis] I couldn't see my kids
'cause 65% of my body
was an open wound.
I was handling that miserably.
I was suicidal
when I was in the hospital...
and I was there for another
three and a half months,
and I had 27 surgeries there.
There was a few times where he was
just ready to call it a day, you know?
"Bring me a g*n," and blah-blah.
But I was like, "f*ck, no."
"I'll transfer any amount of money,
just f*ck' k*ll me."
[Dr. Briere] You know,
it's really hard to put a pin
on how long it's gonna take
anyone to recover.
The danger, though, is if when we try
to say you're better or you're not,
you're recovered when you're not
because, frankly, even if you think
about your own childhood
when something happened to you then,
is it completely gone now?
It probably isn't in its own way.
So, we're all kinda makin'
our own deal with the devil here
in terms of what we can tolerate,
what we can handle,
and how we can move on from it.
[Lawrence] AM would confide in me a lot,
and AM was really worried.
You know, "I don't know if Travis
is gonna be Travis again."
[poignant music playing]
[Dr. Grossman]
Adam was different than Travis.
His burns were not as extensive
and was in the hospital
for a shorter period of time.
Interestingly, Adam was calm
and almost subdued.
There was two extremes.
One who was very im--
traumatized by the accident,
and one who was almost, um, uh,
disassociating himself from it.
[Travis] He was in the burn center
for a week and a half,
and he was out.
It was really quick.
And I think he flew a week later.
And that was a shock to me.
I just couldn't believe it, you know?
I just couldn't comprehend
how he was getting on a plane.
[Lawrence] You know, Jay-Z had asked AM
to go on tour with him,
and he was supposed to go, like,
three weeks after the crash.
I'm trying to convince AM,
"We could tour on buses.
You don't need to do this anymore."
The part that drove him
wasn't the financial side.
It was the-the star.
It was, "I want to perform
for everybody all around the world."
Performing for people is what allowed him
to be sober in a weird way.
At the time, that was, that was AM's drug.
[Travis] We met up
right when I got out of the hospital.
We shared stories
and just kinda talked about it.
He had told me he was seeing
a new therapist.
And this new therapist had told him, like,
"Look, man, you've been in a plane crash.
I don't think it's so bad if you,
if you take a Xanax before you fly."
You know, we gave each other
a hug and he was like...
You know, I said,
"I'll see, I'll see you in New York."
And he's like, "Yeah."
He's like, "But, you know,
"honestly, I just feel like doin'
a sh*t ton of drugs
and saying f*ck it."
There was no kinda
funny punchline at the end.
[Lawrence] Something was off.
Kevy, who was AM's best friend,
you know, he calls me and he says,
"Dude, [sighs] I think he's using."
You know, the next day,
we find his sponsor.
Kevy, myself, and his sponsor
fly out to New York...
go right to his apartment,
and he's not answering BBM.
He's not answering his phone.
We can't get to his door
'cause the doorman won't let us up.
You know, finally it was like,
"You know what? f*ck this.
Call the police."
Police go upstairs...
bang down the door...
and... it's too late.
[somber music playing]
[Travis] I was in New York
working on an album,
and Daniel, my drum tech,
came and handed me the computer.
I don't know if it was
TMZ or something, but
they basically said, um...
[Lawrence]
You know, I remember that night...
Travis couldn't even speak.
I could hardly speak.
[somber music continues]
[Travis] After AM passed, it was
beyond difficult to relate to anybody.
I really had no one.
I would exhaust post-traumatic doctors.
And I would... just hit walls constantly.
I just, honestly, wanted
to lock myself in the hotel room.
I had lost another one
of my closest friends.
I felt like I was in Final Destination,
and I was gonna be next.
[Lawrence] It got way worse
after AM passed away
'cause Travis had
this weird sense of, like,
"I was supposed to die. Why am I here?
Why am I the only survivor?"
[Travis] I definitely had feelings
of survivor's guilt.
I was beating myself up.
Like, that was my main thing.
"Well, why am I here
and everyone else isn't?"
I had to believe that I am
still here for a reason.
[mournful music playing]
Before he passed away,
our best therapy
was talking amongst each other.
We would talk about everything
from how hard it was
for me to walk down a street
without thinking planes
were gonna fall out of the sky
to, "Should I tour again?"
Do you wanna leave the house?
When is enough enough?
You've already done so much.
What else is there left to do?
Those were all the things
I kinda had to ask myself,
like, who I was gonna be
after this accident.
AM had said, "For me,
I feel like I don't have much to live for,
"and it's really,
you know, f*ck' with me.
You know, you got kids,
you have a lot to live for."
[mournful music continues]
I just didn't leave the kids.
I would sleep in Landon's bed...
and then I would sleep in Alabama's bed.
I would just go back and forth.
I wouldn't spend a minute away from 'em.
I'd hired a driver to take them to school
'cause I couldn't drive,
and I would just lay
in the back of the car,
and I just was with them
everywhere they went.
My kids really kept me together.
It was honestly
the best thing for my recovery and
the best thing to give me strength.
I never wanted to feel as high
as I did in the hospital again.
I didn't want anything
to do with painkillers.
I flushed those down the toilet.
I was not gonna fail my kids.
I really had to bounce back.
[waves crashing]
[laughter]
[kisses smack]
-Ew.
-[Travis] Mm.
-[Alabama Barker] His armpits stink.
-[laughs]
-[Travis] Yeah, get some of that.
-Ew, that's gross.
[laughs]
And why do they smell so bad?
Didn't you shower last night?
[laughs]
-What are you doing?
-I played drums all night.
You didn't shower last night?
Yeah, I did.
Why do you smell? You smell really bad.
[laughs]
[Tom] With each passing day,
he started coming back to who he was.
Right, left, right, right, left.
Right, right, right,
left, right, right. No.
Right, right, right, right,
right, right, left.
No. You have to practice it
over and over again.
After the accident,
the things he craved were different,
and they were more
along the lines of somebody
that got their priorities straight.
[drumsticks tapping rhythmically]
[Travis]
Told you. It's in your blood, son.
[Atiana De La Hoya] You could definitely
tell that something was different.
I don't know how I could pinpoint it,
but it changed for the whole family,
and I feel like kind of brought us
closer together in a sense.
[upbeat music playing]
We loved him trying to cook for us...
going on bike rides.
[Atiana] He would always take us
to school in his low ride cars.
Whenever my friends would come over,
they'd always be so scared of him,
and then, now that they've gotten
to know him, they're like,
"I don't know why
I was ever scared of Travis."
I went on my first tour,
I think I was, like, four years old.
It's really cool to see him
going to Europe.
We always take the boat.
[Travis] They've done every tour with me.
They've done punk rock tours,
they've done hip-hop tours,
all sorts of stuff, man.
They've kinda came everywhere with me.
[Atiana] He used to smoke a lot
and drink and party and stuff.
Now, he's, like, completely the opposite.
I mean, he doesn't drink, smoke.
He's completely vegan.
[Travis]
Being sober at this part of my life,
for my children, is so important.
You know, everyone is looking
at you, right?
And especially for my kids...
the best is not to tell them,
but, but to show 'em.
After my accident,
I figured out a lot of things.
How do I become a better human?
How do I become a healthier human?
There was, like, checkmarks.
It was like, "You're not
gonna play drums again.
You won't run again.
You might not be able to do this again."
Just crossing them off one by one,
that's the journey that I've been on.
[Toby Morse]
I've known Travis through everything.
We always talk about running together.
I invited him to this thing
called, uh, 2 Bears 5K.
The race took off, and I was like,
I'm just gonna run, like, a sexy pace,
like, you know, a dad pace.
He just, like, smoked everybody.
In that moment, I was like,
"Holy sh*t, dude. This dude's a runner."
And since then, he's doing
all these Run Travis Runs.
The same kinda misfits and punk rockers
that would come to see Blink-182
are now coming to run
with Travis Barker and get healthy.
[Travis] Running marathons
is a way of processing trauma.
It gives me control again.
Instead of that pain being imposed on me,
I'm running towards it.
It's therapeutic to me.
[tattoo machine buzzing]
[Mister Cartoon]
What are we doin' today?
I don't know. I'm covered.
-[laughter]
-I'm just, like, tattooing over sh*t,
but I still have, like...
I still have my legs.
-Like, I did both kneecaps.
-Yeah.
Another tough area you have here.
[Travis] It's not bad.
When I grew up, you know,
tattoos were g*ng-related
or, you know, guys that were in prison.
But all these tattoos that's on him
has to do with his life in music.
[gentle music playing]
He came out one year for Christmas.
He said, "Dad," he said,
"Got somethin' to show you."
When he was just a little boy, we always
referred to one another as "Pal."
So, he took his shirt off
and he said, "Look,"
and he had "Pal" tattooed right here.
[chuckling] Well, at least
he got one good tattoo anyhow.
[Travis] After the accident,
my dad and I kept getting
closer and closer and closer.
He's definitely my rock.
[Randy] He calls me every day.
Every single day.
He calls me before he goes
on stage to play,
and he tells me he loves me.
I tell him I love him, you know.
One day, I went,
"Come here, I got somethin' to show you."
And he said, "Dad, that's a sticker."
I said, "No, that's not a sticker."
I decided, you know,
just to show him
I support him and everything,
that I'm gonna go
and I'm gonna get that done.
I feel just about as proud as I could be.
[Travis] Well, lookin' back on it now,
my dad was tough on me,
but what seemed hard at the time
really made me the man I am today.
[Randy] Travis is my son,
and, uh, you know,
I love my son very much.
-[group] Aw.
-And I told him,
"When you find somebody
like your mother, you hang on to it."
And so, now he's got that,
and he's hanging onto it.
[group] Aww.
[cheering and applause]
[playing upbeat tune]
[Kourtney Kardashian Barker]
When I first met Travis,
he was just very gentle and quiet,
which doesn't match up with his exterior
of what you would think he would be.
[gentle piano music playing]
[Travis] We lived down the street
from each other.
I was friends with her,
and I've known her
and her family for a long time.
I would spend a lot of holidays with her.
[speaker] Look at Travis go.
Halloween and Christmas, we thrived.
[chuckling] Like, those were our seasons.
We'd carve pumpkins with the kids,
and we would decorate gingerbread houses.
It was a string. It's a strand of light.
Watching him as a father,
that always drew me to him.
I got to know his real values
through his kids.
[Travis] All my guy friends would be like,
"Man, what are you guys waitin' for?"
I would literally come home
from the studio at 6:00 a.m.
from working all night
and wake up two hours later
to work out with her
just 'cause I wanted to see her.
I always thought to myself,
if this ever happens,
it was gonna be bigger
than we could ever imagine.
Just by the interaction as friends,
just by lookin' in her eyes,
I knew she was the one.
[gentle music playing]
We fell madly in love.
I felt like I had superpowers,
like I was a kid all over again.
[Kourtney shrieks]
[Kourtney] Six months into being together,
we found out that we were pregnant.
We're having a baby.
-What?!
-[all cheering]
[Kourtney]
And everything just made so much sense.
We were so happy.
[Travis] We were
about three months pregnant,
and she was gonna be a little girl,
and we had decided to name her Tulip.
And we go to the doctor,
and the doctor tells us
the baby doesn't have a heartbeat.
[solemn music playing]
[Kourtney] When we lost the baby,
we were devastated.
We just laid in bed and cried for days.
All we wanted was to have a baby together.
I was 41, and I remember my doctor saying,
"You have to do IVF."
Confirm name and date of birth.
-Yeah. That's my date of birth.
-Okay.
Just put the sample in this cup
and then, when you're done,
just place it on that counter
and I'll come and grab it for you.
[Kourtney] It was so hard on my body.
We tried five times over eight months
and it felt like my body
was shutting down.
[doctor] This one is small.
Very unlikely to get a mature egg.
[Travis] They're like,
"You have less eggs every month."
And it was like, "Oh, gosh."
Like, this is so discouraging.
Let's cover this
so we can do your ultrasound.
[Kourtney] Each time we would try it,
it just felt so disappointing.
It really did something
that messed with me mentally.
And I remember crying to Travis,
"I can't do this anymore."
I just said to him,
"If God has a baby in store for us,
it will happen, naturally."
[waves crashing]
[Travis] A year after being together,
I asked Kourtney to marry me
and we shifted all of our energy
into the wedding.
[upbeat, romantic music playing]
After my accident, there was
a lot of "no way, no hows."
I never thought
I was gonna get married again.
I never planned on having
any more children.
And then, I fell in love
with my best friend.
It just started opening my eyes
and my world.
Sounds corny,
but it's just like a fairytale story.
[crowd cheering]
[rock music playing]
[Mark] Hey. Hey, Travis.
[band member]
We've got an announcement here!
[Tom] Hey, Travis!
[Mark] Hey, Travis.
[Kourtney] A year after stopping IVF,
we got pregnant, naturally,
on Valentine's Day.
[Mark] Whoa. Hey, calm down.
[whistling]
[Travis]
For me, it was kinda unbelievable.
It was a miracle.
[drumroll]
[crowd cheering]
[Travis]
Once you've experienced a miscarriage,
you're just waiting, you know?
You're waiting
for something awful to happen.
[warbling]
[Kourtney]
I think because all of his trauma
and everything he's been through,
he was really worried the whole pregnancy.
[Travis] Is that his little hand?
[doctor] [over phone]
Yeah, it's in a fist.
[Kourtney] [over phone]
We're waiting for it to open up
so he can look at all the bones.
[Travis] We got into seven months,
and I was touring.
I was actually in Europe, and she says,
"Trav, I-I went to my doctor
and the baby's lungs
are filling with fluid."
[tense music playing]
It was terrifying
going in for the surgery.
[Travis] They did this surgery
where they drained
the fluid from his lungs
by placing a needle through her stomach.
The whole time, I was preparing myself.
[Kourtney] They canceled four shows,
and he just came
and laid with me in the hospital
and was there with me
and made sure that everything was okay.
Mm.
Rocky's gonna come out doin' front kicks.
The surgery was a success, thank God.
And Rocky was born one month later.
[Kourtney] They had told us,
you're probably gonna be in the hospital
for eight weeks, at the minimum.
[Travis] We were in the NICU for a week
and then we went home
and we've never been back.
He's like the healthiest, happiest
little human I've ever met.
[upbeat music playing]
And the whole time Rocky was in her belly,
he was listenin' to me practice.
I would play for him.
God blessed us with this healthy,
beautiful baby boy.
[Kourtney]
Having Rocky gives him another chance
to do what he loves most and does best:
being a father.
Go. Yes.
[Kourtney] Being able to experience life
through a baby's eyes all over again,
every experience feels new.
It changes you.
There's never a dull moment
in this big, blended family.
[Travis] [laughs]
My pants are falling down.
She has three children.
I have three children.
And then, we have Rocky.
We all live together in one house.
It's basically The Brady Bunch.
[Atiana]
Do you remember The Brady Bunch?
The family that had, like, the van,
and, like, they'd
all show up together and, like--
-We're so much cooler than that family.
-[Atiana] We're-- It's--
even if we look like The Addams Family,
we're still like that.
[Kourtney] We balance each other.
[electric guitar playing]
He's one of the hardest
working people that I know.
He's gonna go, and we're gonna
all make eye contact
-for the stop, okay?
-Okay.
[Kourtney] He's really so dedicated
and passionate about his work.
[announcer] [over speakers]
Let's bring out the greatest drummers
of all time, Travis Barker of Blink-182.
[crowd cheers]
Drumming is something I've done
since I was four years old.
Like, I'm not stopping now.
I'm not a person that can idle.
[crowd cheering]
Whether it's designing a shoe for Vans
or playing with other artists,
you know, or producing,
I need challenges.
Travie, where the drums at?
Uh...
[Lil Wayne] To work in the studio
with Travis is interesting
because that's like
working with a producer
that's gonna make the beat
right there in front of you.
That's pretty rare these days.
[Trippie Redd]
Every time he gets on a song,
it's adding, like, some off-the-wall sh*t.
It's not nothin' normal,
like, the way he plays.
[Lawrence]
He's found himself now as an artist.
He's hit his stride as a producer.
["bloody valentine"
by MGK and Travis Barker playing]
I don't do fake love,
but I'll take some from you tonight...
[MGK] Travis is just an all-in guy.
The process never stopped.
Like, we lived and breathed
the Tickets to My Downfall album.
...let's play pretend...
It was just a huge inspiration
to see someone like Travis
that excited about our band.
A good producer finding in you
what you're capable of,
that's the job.
Na-na-na, na-na-na
Na-na-na...
[MGK] He's just here for the music.
He knows where it's going,
he's got a crazy vision.
[Mark] It takes three people
for Blink to work
and the band was on indefinite hiatus.
I hadn't really talked to Tom in years.
Like, we broke off everything.
And then, one day, Tom texted me
a picture of a video that he was sh**ting.
I texted back,
"That's awesome. Stoked for you.
Uh, by the way, I have cancer,
and I start chemotherapy."
And immediately,
my phone rings and it's Tom.
[Tom] I was like, "Oh, my God.
I'm comin' up to see you."
So, I drove up to see him,
and then Travis was there.
It was a heavy conversation
because of what Mark was about to endure.
[Travis] He had stage 4A lymphoma.
I would go spend time
with Mark quite a bit.
Tom had reached out.
He was also spendin' some time with Mark.
One of us was there almost every day.
[Mark] I was trying to be hopeful
through my chemotherapy
and put on a brave face,
but I was not so confident on the inside.
I was despairing.
What was gonna happen?
Tomorrow, I have chemotherapy,
I'm gonna feel like hell the next day,
I'm gonna feel like hell the next day.
We were just trying to give him
any kind of support,
do anything we could for him.
And we had said during that time,
when Mark beats this,
we're gonna make music again.
We're gonna tour again.
And sure enough, Mark beat it.
[audience cheering]
[Mark] We walk on stage,
and I didn't know what to expect.
I mean, Blink has been around,
at that point, for almost 30 years...
[cheering continues]
...and it's a packed house.
It's more people
than we played for in forever.
It felt like coming home.
[cheering intensifies]
-["ONE MORE TIME" playing]
-Strangers
From strangers into brothers
From brothers
into strangers once again
We saw the whole world
But I couldn't see the meaning
I couldn't even recognize
my friends...
[Tom] We got back together the first time
'cause Travis survived a plane crash.
I was like, "Holy sh*t.
If you can get through this, I'm here."
And we broke up again.
After that, then Mark had cancer.
"Holy sh*t.
When you get through this, I'm here."
Do I have to die to hear you miss me?
Do I have to die
to hear you say goodbye?
I don't want to act
like there's tomorrow
I don't want to wait
to do this one more time
One more time...
[Tom] This song came from Travis.
Putting forth a song
with such direct lyrics
is extremely expressive for Travis.
I miss you
Took time, but I admit it
It still hurts
even after all these years...
[Travis] Throughout the years
of grief and trauma
and trying to figure out
how and why everything happens...
what I learned,
life's just not for certain.
I don't want to act like
there's tomorrow
I don't want to wait
to do this one more time
One more time
One more time
I miss you
[audience cheering]
[Mark] We're Blink-182.
Thank you all so very much
for being with us tonight.
We love you!
[cheering continues, fades]
[Travis] Every day I open my eyes,
I'm reminded of walking away
from a plane crash
where four people passed away.
[gentle music playing]
And then, AM passing away,
like, less than a year later.
But I've also accepted who I am now and...
[clicks tongue]
[sighs, sniffles]
[sniffles]
I think I've, you know...
[exhales sharply]
I've figured out a way to carry on
and live my best in their memory.
[Linda] It's always hard...
because the "what if" is there,
and the "what ifs" can k*ll your life.
So, I let him know
there's no hard feelings here.
[Travis]
It took years of survivor's guilt...
of trying to understand
what they'd want me to do.
[crying] And I've felt like
never flying again
would probably...
[sniffles]
...not be one of those things, you know?
[speed bag thudding]
When I first started
thinking about flying again,
I actually had a series of...
There was, like, nightmares.
'Cause for so long,
it didn't even enter my head.
[Kourtney] I could never truly understand
what he went through
or what he still feels to this day.
So, I was like,
"You never have to fly again.
I would never be mad at you for that."
For our first Valentine's Day together,
I made him this collage of a tour bus
and all these different places
that I'd love to drive to with him.
[Travis] But I had this force
within me that was like,
"I don't wanna be restricted
by anything anymore.
There's nothing that's
gonna have power over me."
[intense music playing]
[Kourtney] Eventually, he said to me,
"If you plan a trip
and it's somewhere that
I couldn't drive to, I'll go."
But he didn't wanna know about it
until 24 hours before the flight,
so he didn't have too much time
to think about it.
When he came to tell us kids,
we were really against it at first
'cause all we had known is "no."
"No flying." "Don't fly." "Let's not fly."
He told us, he was like,
"Yeah, I'm gonna get on a plane."
And we were like,
"f*ck, no, you're not." [chuckles]
You're like--
'Cause that's all we knew growing up
was we're never getting on a plane.
I think I inherited paranoia
[slight chuckle] from him.
My little sister's
really bad with it, too.
[Kourtney] When I told him that,
"I have a flight booked,
we're going to Mexico,"
he took it in and was like, "Okay."
He started getting more anxious
as the day went on.
So we did breath work.
And then, this just sounds crazy,
but during my breath work,
a vision of his mom came to me
and was like,
"Thank you for taking care of my son."
["To Build a Home"
by The Cinematic Orchestra playing]
We drove to the airport in the morning.
I remember him calling his dad.
There is a house built out of stone...
[Travis] Hey, Pal.
[Randy] [over phone] Yeah?
[Travis] I had all sorts of emotions
driving to the airport.
My kids were saying, "Don't do it, Dad.
Like, you don't have to do it."
Tables and chairs
worn by all of the dust...
My kids were carrying my trauma.
[Travis] I just knew, if I can do this,
I could not only do it for myself,
but also do it for my children,
and they could overcome it.
[engine rumbling]
Love makes you do crazy things.
And I built
A home...
It puts you back in places
you swore you'd never go again.
For me...
It makes you risk your pride,
your comfort,
and the walls you spent years
building up around you.
For me...
Love is louder than fear.
And now, it's time
To leave
And turn
To dust
["Forever" by Travis Barker
ft. Run The Jewels playing]
Good Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy
He a demon on tracks,
you hear them damn verses?
This m*therf*cker the Devil,
he screamin' and cursin'
I'm pullin' pistols in public,
puttin' them on every person
Rap's Rasputin, I'm pullin' pumps
on pompous a*s preachers, and shootin'
I'm sittin' on the last pew-pew-pewin'
One day the poor will eat the affluent
Hope you atone for your past doings
[music continues faintly]
If I ain't hungry, then your bread
could never tempt me, uh
So I suggest you help the less
and feed their tummy tall
Or one day pointed at your tummy
is a Tommy g*n
Or maybe that's my paranoia
that I'm walkin' with
As I burn this spliff
and try locate the mother ship
Ayy, this-this-this the jungle
Ayy, this-this-this the jungle forever
This-this-this
the jungle-ungle forever
Ayy, this-this-this-this-this-this
the jungle, jungle, jungle
Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever
Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever
Jungle, jungle, forever ever
Forever ever
Balderdash, you not gettin' it past
rap's Putin
Who ride a horse, bareback, shootin'
A champ in the land of the stupid
The kind that take the candy
out kids' hands
And laugh in amusement
The damned got a movement
They love to redefine what truth is
I find that little exercise useless
I'm losin', my last dose
of shrooms was a doozy
The loosely knit walls
of reality don't move me
Don't hail about a QP
Enough to make a cutter out the cookie
The brothers of the jewels spit rubies
These planetary gates m*rder truly
But baby, they all fools and they eat
from the hands of those rulin'
Ayy, this-this-this the jungle
Ayy, this-this-this the jungle forever
This-this-this
the jungle-ungle forever
Ayy, this-this-this-this-this-this
the jungle, jungle, jungle
Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever
Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever
Jungle, jungle,
forever ever, ever, ever
Ever, ever, forever ever...
k*ller Mike and
k*ller Mike and, k*ller Mike and El-P
Forever, forever, forever,
forever ever, ever...
[song fades out]
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Travis Barker: Louder Than Fear (2026)
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