03x03 - tr*mp's First Bite

[bunniefuu]

You're a smart dog.

Come here, Alex.

Bring him back.

Come on, come here.

You're a good dog.

Boy, you're big, huh?

Gee, you're nice, huh?

Sure.

All right, pile out, fellas, and bring all the loot.

I swear these fellas wear out their suits every two weeks.

How about their shoes?

Every week.

Boy, Dad, you should have got some new ties.

Yeah, you should have.

Are you fellas tired of wearing the ones I've got already?

Boy, that store is crowded.

They must make a lot of money.

tr*mp, I got something for you.

Maybe that's what I ought to do.

Go into the clothing business.

Yeah, two weeks ago you wanted to be an engineer.

Last week you wanted to be a doctor.

Now you want to sell suits to both of them.

tr*mp?

Where's tr*mp?

I don't know, Chip.

He's playing hide and seek.

Why did I ever let you guys talk me into buying new shoes?

These are k*lling me.

Well, the old one's retired, bud.

The old one was just broken in.

I wore my new shoes.

I wear my pants out faster than I do my shoes.

Maybe that's because you do more sitting than walking.

Amira, this is Mike.

Mike Douglas.

Mike Douglas on Mill Street.

Mike Douglas with the convertible.

Tim Weedy's friend.

Yes, tr*mp doesn't answer.

Would you try on the kitchen or the service porch?

Robbie, why don't you look upstairs for tr*mp?

He's probably asleep on my bed.

Or in it.

He couldn't get out.

The doors were all closed.

Dad, the back door's open.

tr*mp's gone.

Well, now, don't get all excited.

He's probably right outside.

Go on, take a look.

I'll get it.

Oh, I've got it, Bub.

I could have made it in my old shoes.

Oh, hello, John.

Come in.

Hi, Steve.

Hello, Bub.

Hi, John.

Well, which one of them broke a window this time?

And what neighbor complained?

I'm out here about the boy, Steve.

This time it's tr*mp.

We've been looking for him.

What is it, Mrs. Ferguson?

Flower beds again?

They had to take him down to the animal shelter.

Animal shelter?

What for?

Well, it seems he bit a young boy.

tr*mp?

You must be mistaken.

tr*mp wouldn't bite anybody.

It must have been some other dog.

Well, there's no mistake.

He bit a youngster by the name of Alan Edgerton.

John, you know tr*mp wouldn't attack anyone.

He's a thoroughbred coward.

I'm sorry, Steve.

I've got to run along now.

So long, boys.

Bye.

Goodbye, John.

What are we going to do?

Bob, why don't you go down to the animal
shelter and I'm going over to see that edging boy.

Mike, why don't you go with me?

We'll take your car.

Yeah.

He's innocent.

I know he is.

Yeah.

I'll bet you it's a frame-up, Chip.

I saw a thing like that on TV.

They framed this guy.

Come on.

Hello, Mr. Douglas.

You know my son, Mike?

Yes.

Come in.

I want you to see what your vicious dog did to my son.

I can't tell you how sorry we are about
this, Mrs. Edgerton.

Sorry?

You say you're sorry when that animal could have given

my son hydrophobia, a monster
like that roaming the streets.

Well, I have three boys of my own.

I know how upset you must be.

Hello, Ellen.

tr*mp isn't a vicious dog.

We just don't understand how this happened.

Well, it did happen.

How bad is your hand, Ellen?

You'll find out when we go to court.

When we go to court?

That's right.

I phoned the district attorney's office.

I'm going to sign a complaint.

Oh.

Well, I guess there isn't anything more to say.

Goodbye, Mrs. Edgerton.

Goodbye.

The vet's preliminary exam indicates your
dog doesn't have rabies.

But the law says you'll have to keep him in quarantine
the next two weeks in case some sign of it shows up.

What's quarantine?

Well, it means that tr*mp will have to stay in
the house or in the backyard 24 hours a day.

For two whole weeks?

Well, it's a serious matter, young man.

Can we take him now?

Yes.

You'll have to keep him on the leash.

Well, we'll be careful.

But you arrested the wrong dog.

Don't worry, tr*mp.

You're in quarantine.

I'm in quarantine.

Come on, boy.

The question is, gentlemen, whether you
want to go through with a trial.

A lot of trouble and it costs quite a bit.

Well, would it be a regular court trial,
Matt, with a jury and all that?

Well, not necessarily.

It might be a hearing in the judge's
chambers, but it's still pretty expensive, Steve.

Yeah.

Well, we have to defend, tr*mp.

Well, what'll it cost?

Filing the briefs, preparing the case, my fee is
$200, plus $150 a day for each day of the hearing.

Boy, you can say that again.

How long do you think the hearing would take?

A day, possibly two.

And $150 a day?

Yeah, that adds up to $500.

And that's a lot of dough.

Well, I could recommend a very competent
young attorney who might do the job for about $300.

Why don't you talk it over?

I'll wait outside.

All right.

You know, maybe I'll be a lawyer.

That's a pretty good business.

There's an awful lot of money.

Yes, it is, Mike.

Dad?

Yes, Chip?

If I were in trouble, would you spend the
money on me, even though it was an awful lot?

Of course I would, Chip.

Well, isn't tr*mp a member of the family?

Sure he is.

So then I guess we blow the $300.

No, Bub.

Matt Richards is the best.

We'll blow the $500.

Matt.

Go get him!

Okay, tr*mp, it's enough.

O'Casey, would you remind Mike to take
this leash back to the animal shelter?

Sure, Dad.

Dad?

Mm-hmm?

Did you talk to the lawyer today?

Yeah, I talked to him.

What'd he say?

Well, it's going to be a tough case, Chip.

They haven't been able to find any witnesses.

And it doesn't look too good for tr*mp, does it?

Well, the lawyer's doing the best he can.

We all are.

Everything's kind of clunky.

All this trouble.

And the only one in the family who isn't worried is tr*mp.

Well, why don't we get you a bath?

Come on, tr*mp.

Dad says it doesn't look too good for tr*mp.

Yeah, I know.

Boy, I wish I could defend tr*mp.

You?

Yeah, why not?

I'd do it like those lawyers on TV.

Dad never lets me stay up that late.

How'd they do it?

Character witnesses.

What's that?

Well, people who say you're a good guy.

You know, friends.

One of tr*mp's best friends is that
bulldog over on Elm Street.

Yeah, but you can't have a bulldog as a witness.

Well, how about Mrs. Dalton's cat?

Boy, what a coot.

You know cats can't talk.

Of course I know it.

But if the judge saw how well tr*mp got
along with the cat, he'd know he never bit any kid.

Yeah, well, you...

Maybe.

Well, there's stuff they do.

Well, they hide the defendants so the
police can't find them.

Hey, that'd be neat.

We could hide tr*mp.

Yeah, but you gotta be careful.

If they catch you, you're an accessory.

Yeah.

Do you know what accessory means?

Well?

Well, then why didn't you ask?

Well, I didn't want you to think I was stupid or something.

Good night now, you fellas.

Cut the chatter and go to sleep.

Well, can you keep a secret?

Sure.

Look, you're going to help me save tr*mp.

I am?

How?

You know that junk your mom uses on her hair?

You mean that dye stuff?

Yeah.

Get it and bring it over to my house.

Don't you have any?

No.

Nobody in our house uses the junk.

Dad's hair doesn't need any.

And Bub ain't got any.

Okay.

Boy, you're a real pal, Sudsy.

If my mother ever finds out I took her
hair dye like you told me to, boy!

We'll make tr*mp a different color.

So when they come looking for
him... They won't know it's tr*mp.

Oh?

What color should it say?

Midnight blue.

Boy, I never saw a blue doll.

When my mother puts it on, it comes out black.

Why don't they put it on the bottle what they mean?

They put it on black.

Would her hair come out blue?

You got me, but I don't think I'd want a
mother with blue hair.

Yeah, so how's it say to do it?

Use one part to 20 parts water.

Huh?

What's that mean?

I don't know.

For a dog, we better do it.

Or we dump the whole thing in.

Where do we start?

Well, let's give him a mustache.

That always makes him look different.

Yeah.

He looks different already.

How about a beard?

Well, he's got one.

Well, we can make it darker.

Go.

Ahead, Chipper.

Did you want something?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Hey,

Sam, I gave tr*mp away and got another dog
just like him, but a half black.

Chipper, your dog's name is Sam?

Yeah.

Come here, Sam.

Come on, Sam.

Here, tr*mp, come on.

Come on, boy.

He rests his case.

Dad, the black is coming off all over your hands.

It's not really black.

It's midnight blue.

How did tr*mp get midnight blue?

Well, don't tell anybody.

But me and Sudsy dyed him with that stuff.

His mom used it in her hair.

So nobody would recognize it.

Oh, what a ridiculous idea.

I guess it doesn't work, huh?

No, I guess it didn't work.

Haven't I told you fellas always to face
up to a problem and not run away from it?

Yeah, Dad.

Well, can't you see that trying to disguise
tr*mp is just the same as running away from it?

Yeah.

All right.

Take him out and put him in the laundry
tub and give him a good bath, huh?

Now, Alan, let's get this straight.

You were walking down Fulton Street that
Thursday afternoon.

Yes, sir.

Well, suppose you tell the court exactly
what happened, in your own words.

Well, I was just walking, and I saw that dog.

And he started growling at me, and I got scared.

I got scared and started to run away.

And he chased me, and he bit me.

You're positive that's the dog that bit you?

Yes, sir.

That big, wild animal.

Ellen, I'd like you to think back to that
Thursday afternoon.

Now, you have told us already that as soon
as tr*mp saw you, he began to growl.

Yes, sir.

Now, why do you think he growled at you?

Well, I don't know.

I guess he didn't like me.

Well, did you throw a stone at him?

No.

A stick?

No.

You did nothing, nothing at all to make him bite you?

No, sir.

Alan, do you expect the court to believe
that this dog who has lived with children,

played with children his entire life, suddenly
attacked you for no reason whatsoever?

Alan, you know what might happen to tr*mp.

Alan wouldn't lie.

That dog bit my son.

You're trying to make it sound as if Alan
did something wrong.

Mrs. Edgerton.

You answered the police call to pick up tr*mp.

That's right.

Where did you find him?

In front of the Douglas house.

Did he give you any trouble?

No.

But I know how to handle animals.

That's my job.

But he didn't try to bite you or attack you.

No.

Then he went with you quite willingly.

No, he certainly did not.

Mr. Davis, did you ever find a dog who did?

Well, no.

Thank you.

No more questions.

Well, gentlemen, it's time for lunch.

We'll stand recessed until one O'clock.

It doesn't look so good, does it, Matt?

No.

You know, Steve, maybe we ought to try to make a deal.

I could ask the judge if he'd settle for giving tr*mp
away to somebody that has a home in the country.

Oh, no, Matt.

Well, maybe we'd better do that.

All right.

Here's your leash, Mr. Davis.

Sorry I forgot your return before, but, well, here it is.

Well, it isn't mine.

I thought it was yours.

It was attached to your dog's collar when I picked him up.

Chip, let me see that.

Judge.

Well, should we talk to him now?

That's as good a time as any.

You mean this leash was on tr*mp when you brought him in?

That's right.

And it's not ours.

Your Honor, Mr. Douglas would like to speak with you.

Dad, I can't wait.

Would you excuse me, Your Honor?

What's so important, Raj?

Dad, this leash doesn't belong to the
animal shelter, and it's not ours either.

But Mr. Davis found it on tr*mp.

Oh?

Yeah, well, don't you see, Dad?

Somebody else had to put it on tr*mp.

And that sneaky somebody is Alan Edgerton.

Alan, I'd like to ask you something.

Do you like dogs?

Yes, sir.

Do you own a dog?

No, sir.

Did you ever own a dog?

Well.

You'll have to answer that question, Alan.

Yes, sir.

Once I owned a dog.

Once you owned a dog.

What happened to him?

My mother doesn't like dogs.

She made my father give him one.

How long ago was that, Alan?

Last year.

Do you recognize this leash?

It's yours, isn't it?

Didn't it belong to your dog?

Your Honor, this leash was found on tr*mp
by Mr. Davis when he picked him up.

Now, Alan, will you tell us how that leash
became attached to tr*mp's collar?

I don't know.

Are you quite sure you don't know?

Well, I didn't put it there.

Well, now, the leash couldn't possibly
attach itself to the collar, could it?

Well, I guess not.

Now, you tell the judge what really
happened that Thursday afternoon.

I don't know.

I was sort of playing down the street when
that dog came along.

I started playing with him, sort of.

Well, he just didn't look like he belonged to anybody.

Well, what did you do then?

I went in and got my old leash.

Why?

Well, I figured if my mother sold a nice
dog he was, she might let me keep him.

And that's when you put the leash on tr*mp
and tried to take him home.

Well.

But he didn't want to go.

I didn't say that.

So you started pulling and tugging on the leash.

No, I didn't.

And then you started dragging him.

And he tried to get away and you continued to drag him.

Then he bit me.

He bit me.

Your Honor.

I ask that the case against my client be dismissed
on the grounds that this dog acted in self-defense.

When this boy was bitten by the dog, he was
defending himself in the only possible way he could.

Case dismissed.

Oh, God!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Robbie, you were a great help.

Mr. Richards, that does it.

I'm going to be a lawyer.

Thanks for a great job, man.

O'Casey, right.

Mike, bye-bye.

Dad, I could have saved tr*mp.

Why didn't you, Chip?

Well, you never let me stay up late enough
to see those lawyers.

Chill.

Come on, tr*mp.

tr*mp, we almost... You know,

we could have saved a lot of dough if that
kid had confessed a little earlier.

Well, Bubba's worth a lot of dough to
clear a member of our family.

All right.

tr*mp, come back here.

Drop that shoe, tr*mp.

tr*mp, come back here.

tr*mp, what shoe?

Bub, he's chewing up your new shoe.

A new one?

Well, that's what I call a good dog.

We'll get you a blue medal, old boy.

You know what you're doing.

Look,

up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's
not Superman, it's My Favorite Martian.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.