03x13 - Doctor in the House

[bunniefuu]

There's just one problem.

Can you leave right away?

What do you mean by right away?

I would like a chance to pack and maybe
tell my family I'm going.

Well, what I mean is, can you leave by Monday morning?

This is Friday.

That gives you the whole weekend to get ready.

Oh, sure, sure.

I can be ready by then.

Well, we want you down there to design a new landing gear.

The problem is to get the biggest new jet freight
planes to land close enough to those tin mines.

Because of the terrain, it's difficult to
extend the runways.

Oh.

Well, this is a great opportunity, Joe, but why me?

Well, Ed Williams can't handle this one.

Bad ankles.

Bad ankles?

What difference does that make, Joe?

Do you have to enter a tango contest on
the side or something?

Steve, this is not a desk job.

Every inch of the ground surrounding those mines for miles
around will have to be covered, and most of it on foot.

Now, do you still want the job?

Oh, sure I do.

I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Well, what kind of shape are you in?

Well, I wouldn't want to play a full game
of football anymore, but I play some golf

and I walk down to the corner drugstore
for pipe tobacco once a week.

Well, that's good enough for me.

Take the afternoon off and start packing.

Fine, Joe.

All right.

Olivia, huh?

Olivia.

Watch it.

Yes, sir.

Well,

I'd better at least start packing.

I'll get the big bag out of the attic.

After the last trip, I told Chip to take
it down to the basement.

Which is probably why I'll find it up in the attic.

Oh, boy, that's all I need right now is to break a leg.

If that chip doesn't matter to me,
I don't know what I'll do.

Really, I can't.

Bub!

Bub!

No, no, no, tr*mp.

Go away.

I don't want to play, tr*mp.

Please.

Mike!

Bub!

Bub!

Mike!

Anybody!

Please.

Go, tr*mp, go away.

Please.

Bub!

Is this game just for dogs, or can us
humans get in it, too?

No, tr*mp, no, no, please.

Hello?

Bub, would you come down?

Funny, Bub, my sacroiliac's going on again.

Oh, gosh, Steve, I didn't know that.

I'm sorry.

Help me over to the chair.

Of course I want to.

Easy, easy.

Go away, tr*mp.

Easy.

Go away, tr*mp.

Go away.

Go away, tr*mp.

Easy now.

Easy, Steve, easy.

Time for a thing.

Easy.

Easy when it's enough, easy.

Put me down.

There you go.

There you go.

All right, go away, tr*mp.

Go away.

Go away.

Call Dr. Stasser, will you now?

Stasser?

Yeah, you know.

Go away, tr*mp.

Go away.

How do you spell that?

S-T-A-S-S, you know.

S-T.

S-T-A-S-S-E-R, huh?

How would you spell Stasser?

I'm asking you.

tr*mp, go away now, please.

Stasser.

Sure, Dr. tr*mp.

Please.

And this is Venus.

Venus, and this is the Earth, and the Moon, and Mars.

And I've got to get Jupiter and the rest of them.

And then we've got to figure out a way to
make the planets go around the sun.

And then we've got to figure out that ring
deal around Saturn.

Uh-huh.

Well, that's fine, Chip.

Oh, Chip, get this stuff off of Dad's bed.

Didn't Bub tell you about his goofed-up back?

It's all right.

Yeah, but if he's going to Bolivia,
he's got to help me while he's still here.

Well, boy, how selfish can you get?

Now, get lost with this stuff.

You know those things weren't fastened on.

Look, if you don't get out of here with this
stuff, I won't let you paint my basketball yellow.

Who wants your dumb old basketball yellow?

You see what you did?

You see what you made?

Yeah.

Nervous.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Dad.

It's all right, Chip.

Just...

Dad, you've got to remember that he's not
trying to bother you.

He's just in that dumb age yet.

Yeah, I...

Dad, do you suppose it's okay if while you're
gone, I stay overnight at Hank's once in a while?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I guess you've got two dumb kids now.

Well, can I, Dad?

Can you what, Rob?

You stay overnight at Hank's?

Well, you're gone.

No.

But, Bub, I was asking Dad.

And I'm giving you the answer, no.

But why not, Bub?

All the other kids get to do it.

Now, don't give me all that other kids, Jazz.

No is the answer.

I don't care what all the other kids do.

Dad?

I say no.

You do what I say.

Bob, Robbie.

Now, get lost.

You're making your father nervous.

Well, somehow, sisters, you can't even ask
your own dad a question.

I'm sorry, Steve, but I just lose my
Patience with these guys.

I know, I know, I know.

Look, Bub, when is Dr. Stasher going to be here?

He's not coming.

He's not coming.

No.

What do you mean he's not coming?

He's our family doctor, isn't he?

Not anymore, he's not.

We haven't called him in six months,
and he's out of general practice now.

He's a specialist.

Well, what kind of a specialist?

He can still treat me, can't he?

Well, if he can, he'll be in the medical journal.

He's an obstetrician.

Bub, he's got to come.

Whenever my back went out before,
he had me up and around in no time at all.

He says he can't leave his office.

He's got a room full of expectant mothers.

But he gave me the name of another doctor.

Well, Bub, I want a doctor I have confidence in.

Steve, Dr. Albert Schweitzer can't fly in
for the weekend to fix your back.

That's very funny.

Well, if Dr. Schweitzer won't come here,
I'll go to his office somehow.

He hasn't got time for you.

Well, he'll find time for me.

We're old friends.

Would you call me a cab?

Please, please lie down.

Just call me a cab, Bub.

Steve, you haven't got back trouble.

You've got head trouble.

You've got head trouble.



The Doctor will see you in room four, please.

And Mrs. Mckenna, will you go into room five?

Oh, hello, Mr. Douglas.

Hello, Mrs. Hara.

I wonder if I could see Dr. Stasser.

I'm afraid it's happened again.

Are you terribly uncomfortable?

Well, I think it's even worse than the first time.

You better come with me now.

Yeah, thanks.

There we go.

I'll put you in room three right here.

All right.

There.

Right in here.

All right.

And call 1-888-LIVITOR or visit our website to learn more.

Can treat you.

Steve, just because I've been your doctor
all these years, I'm not the only MD in the city.

Now, this Dr. Prince.

But I don't know Dr. Prince, and he doesn't know me.

You like him.

But maybe he won't like me.

Maybe he won't like my personality or something.

Steve, I never heard of a doctor turning down a
patient because he didn't have a charming illness.

Well...

Excuse me, doctor.

Mrs. Boyer needs you in room four.

I'll be right with her.

See what I mean, Steve?

I'm sorry I can't treat you, but Dr. Prince is in 512.

Now, why don't you go see him?

Okay, okay.

All right.

I don't want to miss that trip to Bolivia if I can help it.

Then you better get up there right now.

And do what he says.

Now, you remember, when you had your first attack, your
trouble cleared up very quickly because you followed my orders.

Yeah, I know.

But when you had your second one, you had much
more difficulty because you didn't do what I told you.

I know, I know.

I'll try to be a better patient this time.

Thanks very much.

Goodbye.

It's not what you think.

When Dr. Stasser said, when you had your
second one, he didn't mean that I...

Boy, said he's gonna be neat.

I got all the planets clear up to Mars.

One that apple with the sure soot.

Hey, Chip, hurry up with the phone, will you?

I need it.

Yeah, and then my dad's gonna help me figure out
how to make the planets go around the basketball.

The drought of March has pursed it to the root.

You can talk planner, Matt.

No, I've got to memorize this stupid thing.

Stupid Chaucer.

Boy, he was an English poet, but he sure
didn't know how to spell.

He wrote that in the 14th century.

Man, am I tired.

Leave it alone!

Sorry, Chip, I thought they were fastened down.

My clunky brother just wrecked my whole project.

See you later, stud.

I told you I'd leave it alone.

By the way, where are Dad and Bub?

Bub's down at the market because the butcher
gypped him on some liver and Dad's at the doctor's.

What's he doing there?

He's getting his back fixed.

Dr. Stasser?

Yeah.

Who else?



Dr. Prince?

No, I'm the sign painter.

Dr. Prince is inside.

A brand new sign, hmm?

Yeah.

It must be a relative.

Relative?

Whose relative?

The doc's.

They're usually the first.

The first what?

First patients.

You know, give a young doc a start.

You mean he's just beginning?

Well, listen, Mac, you gotta give these kids a break.

Somebody's gotta be first.

After all, it isn't like he hasn't been
practicing at the hospital all these years.

No.

On frogs and stuff.

That nurse!

Well, uh, everything's all right in there.

Hmm?

Well, I'm a building inspector, you
see, and I, uh, everything checks out fine.

How's Dad?

Well, I called Smitty, and he said, his doctor over.

I hope your dad likes her.

Her?

Well, don't look so surprised.

Women are driving trucks nowadays, you know.

I hope Dad gets better.

Somebody's got to help me with my solar system.

Well, that's real nice.

You're a nice, unselfish little fella.

Oh, uh, what's the verdict, Doctor?

You should have called a veterinarian.

What?

That's a stubborn mule up there.

Wouldn't he listen?

He wouldn't even take off his shirt.

Because you're a veterinarian?

Because you're a woman?

He has some sort of fixation about strange
doctors, male or female.

What do you suggest?

The spanking possum.

Good night, Doctor.

Thanks anyway, Doctor.

Thank you.

Well, I can only think of one thing to do,
and that's call everybody we know to

recommend doctors till we find the right one.

You do that.

I better get up there.

You know, I could call Hank.

He's always bragging about his family doctor.

Yeah?

Sudsy says his doctor's the best doctor in the world.

Well, what makes Sudsy's doctor so great?

He knows a bunch of neat riddles.

I'm going to call Hank and find out the
name of their doctor.

How do you know he's any good?

He says he's got the most turbulent nurse you've ever seen.

Never mind.

I'll call Dr. Stasser back.

Maybe he could suggest somebody else.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Mr. Walters.

Is your dad home?

Yes, sir.

He's up in his room.

Good.

I have to go over the details of the trip with him.

Hi, fellas.

Hi, Mr. Walters.

Oh, my gosh.

When he sees Dad, the trip to Bolivia is off.

Good.

Here now, Steve.

Take it easy.

Okay.

Thanks, Bub.

It's a little tough to get at it.

Yeah, I know.

But even a camel can't drink water laying on its side.

Yeah.

Who is it?

It's me, Steve.

Joe Walters.

I have to talk to you.

Joe Walters?

What's he doing here?

Tell him I'm not here, Bub.

What are you trying to do?

He just heard your voice.

Tell him it was a recording or something.

Come on, Steve.

I've got an idea.

Now, come on.

Get up.

Get up.

I had enough trouble getting down here.

You want to make the trip, don't you?

Yes.

I want to make the trip.

Let's get up.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

Take it easy.

I'll be right with you, Mr. Walters.

Come on over here.

What are you going to do?

Don't ask questions.

Come on over here.

Stand right here.

Well, this is ridiculous.

No, it's not ridiculous.

Now, stand right there and do what I tell you.

All right.

We have to do one.

Oh, hello, Mr. Walters.

We had a little trouble with the door.

Come on in.

Hi, Steve.

Hello, Joe.

I thought I might be able to squeeze in a few
rounds of Bolivian golf while I'm down there.

Good.

If Ed Williams kept in shape the way you
do, he wouldn't have missed out.

Let me try one of those.

Well, uh...

A little rusty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He doesn't want to change his position.

He's got his fighting stance right where he wants it.

Doesn't make too much sense now, does it?

No, it doesn't, Joe.

Doesn't make any sense at all.

Bub, put me back in the bed.

All right.

Well, Steve, you can hardly walk.

Yeah.

When I came home, I stooped over to pick
up a roller skate and my back went out.

But it's happened before, Joe.

Joe, I'll be all right in a couple of days.

Just put my feet up, huh?

Yes, Megan, that's fine.

Oh, suppose you're not all right in a couple of days.

I can't afford to take a chance.

If we don't have a man down there in time,
we could lose that contract.

Joe, I'll be in shape to go Monday.

Just trust me.

Well, I'd like to, Steve, but I'm sorry.

I'm going to have to alert Charlie Winters
to stand by just in case.

I'll check on you tomorrow.

So long, Steve.

Well, so long.

Now, don't worry.

I'm going to be all right.

Goodbye, Mr. Walters.

Bub, get Dr. Stasser up here some way.

For a man who's so sensible about other things.

You're sure a knothead about doctors.

All right, so I'm a knothead.

But get him up here anyway.

No luck with Dr. Stasser, huh?

He had to rush from one delivery to
another, and he's got two more waiting.

No wonder he gave up his general practice.

Mike, did you get a hold of Dr. Stasser?

He is impossible to reach.

Well, if I were 30 years younger and 40
pounds heavier, I know exactly what I'd do.

What's that?

Just what that lady doctor said.

And spank your father.

Dad?

Oh, yeah, Chip.

Can I talk to you for a minute, please?

Oh, sure.

Come around here.

Sit down.

I'll see you.

Just sit.

Easy.

Easy, huh?

Yeah, boy.

Hey, what's on your mind, Chip?

Well, I'm sorry that you're sick and everything.

Honest.

But, gee, they keep saying I'm selfish.

It's not that so much.

Well, I gotta finish my project by next week.

And Miss Bergen will get real sore.

She'll send me to the principal.

He'll tell me what a clunky citizen I am.

Well, I'll just take it easy, Chip.

Uh, what project is this?

The project about my solar system, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Tell me, how are you gonna get the planets
to revolve around the sun?

Well, I thought maybe if I collected them
and painted them, well, maybe you could

figure out a way to make them go around
Robbie's basketball.

Well, you're supposed to do this yourself, aren't you?

But, of course, I guess all the parents do
make suggestions, huh?

Yeah.

Last year, Sudsy's project was an Indian village.

It had horses and people and campfires,
and all Sudsy did was make the mud.

Well, I'm sorry, Chip, but I'm afraid I'm
not gonna be able to help you this time.

Gosh, Daddy, gotta.

Well, even when I'm feeling better,
I'll be gone on that trip.

So, uh, well, why don't you ask Robbie?

He'd be glad to help you.

Robbie?

Or Mike, or Bub.

Gosh, Dad, they don't know nothing.

Don't know anything.

What I mean is, Chip, you're wrong.

Any one of them can help you.

Yeah, but you're the engineer.

Well, I'm flattered you feel that way
about me, Chip, but believe me,

there are any number of people right here
in this neighborhood who could help you.

I don't want them.

I want you.

You're the only one who can do it.

Look, that's ridiculous, Chip.

Now, you ask Mike or Robbie.

Or Bob.

They're not stupid, you know.

Yeah, but they always goof everything up.

You're the only one who does anything right.

Oh, thanks, but that's not true, Chip.

You've got to learn that you cannot go
through life leaning too heavily on any one person.

If you do, your whole outlook becomes narrow.

Dad?

Yeah, Mike?

Dr. Stasser can't make it, but he sent a
Dr. Prince, and he's waiting in the hall.

Dr. Prince?

I don't want Dr. Prince.

I want Dr. Stasser.

He's the only one that can help me.

Now,

we've got Mercury too far away from the sun.

Hey, what's this asteroid here?

It sounds like a disease.

The asteroids are a bunch of rocks.

They think they were once a planet that exploded.

We've got enough junk on here without putting in any rocks.

Come in.

Oh, again.

Chip, you ought to paint a map on the earth here.

It still looks like a tennis ball.

I'm gonna.

So how are we gonna get all this stuff to
go around the sun?

Well, I think if we put a motor in the
middle and then extend steel wires from

the planets into the sun, then when the motor
turns, the sun will turn and the planets will go around.

Why don't you build a large box for the whole thing?

Oh, hello, Doc.

Come on in.

Hello, Bob.

Hello, Chip.

Hello, Mike.

Hi, Doc.

Long time no see.

You know, a box with a front opening.

And that way you can mount a crank on the
top and suspend the planets by threads.

Hey, that'd be a neat idea.

Now, I don't want to appear nosy,
Doc, but what are you doing here?

Not one of us is going to have a baby.

I was in the area.

And Steve was so persistent the other day,
I thought I'd better look in on him.

Oh, Dr. Prince fixed him up.

As a matter of fact, Dad's in Bolivia.

Is his back still bothering him?

No, but he's having a little trouble with his Spanish.

I'm not surprised.

Say, you know, this lazy Susan isn't a bad idea.

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird,
it's a plane, it's not Superman,

it's My Favorite Martian.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.