03x24 - Make Way for Yesterday

[bunniefuu]

Are we ready?

Ready.

See, you're right!

Boy, Bub, you still got that high fastball.

Yeah, and the old controller's still there, too.

How I'd like to pitch to some of those
powder puff hitters of yours.

Yeah, they wouldn't even see your fastball.

Well, that low breakaway stuff of mine
needs to make them cry their eyes out.

How come you didn't go up to the majors?

Well, your grandmother threw me some low-breaking stuff.

You see, Chip, it's not tr*mp's fault that
he hasn't learned any tricks yet.

It isn't?

No, the basic aptitude is there.

You just have to use the correct
scientific method to bring it out.

What's that?

Hamburger.

Is hamburger scientific?

Do you know what a trick is?

Yeah, it's something he's too dumb to learn.

No, a trick is nothing more than a conditioned reflex.

Now, under certain conditions,
with the application of the proper

stimulus, nerve centers are activated and
tr*mp will respond reflexively.

Yeah?

Well, how's he going to understand?

It doesn't even matter if he doesn't even
know what lie down means.

Watch.

Eating's no trick.

Now, you see, Chip, he associates hamburger with pleasure.

He's always hungry.

Throw the stick.

No use, he won't go after it.

Never mind, throw it anyway.

All right, now lead tr*mp over to the stick and
put it in his mouth and then bring him back to me.

Okay.

Come on, tr*mp.

Come on.

Come on, pick it up.

All right, now.

I'll take the stick from tr*mp and then
give him some hamburger.

Well, I did all the work and he gets the hamburger.

Yeah, well, he'll associate bringing the
stick back to me with getting a reward.

You're right, too.

Boy.

Well, there he is, John, the tallest catcher in baseball.

Oh, very funny.

Johnny Marshall, this is my grandfather, Mr. O'Casey.

Oh, hello, Johnny.

Good to see you.

Hi, Mr. O'Casey, how are you?

One more, Bub, then I gotta go.

Johnny and Hank are here for our club committee meeting.

Okay.

Two out and a man out first.

Watch Bub and learn how the game is played.

Yeah, I didn't know they were playing.

I didn't know they were playing baseball
in your day, Mr. O'Casey.

Yeah, but that was so long ago, we used a square ball.

I had him picked off.

He was leading the wrong way.

Oh, yes, I did.

Pitcher's nervous.

I'm better nervous.

I'll barely miss the play, Mr. O'Casey.

Pass ball, Bub.

I should have had it.

Well, in my day, catchers had very long arms.

Oh, it's okay, Bub.

We don't really need another ball.

Okay.

Now, throw the stick again.

Catch!

Catch!

Catch!

Catch!

Come back here, tr*mp!

It's going to take a lot more than science.

I'll sweep up the past ball.

Oh, okay.

Thanks.

I'll get the ladder.

You take this.

I'll take care of the ladder.

Oh, okay.

Come on, tr*mp.

I'll see you later, Judy.

All right, tr*mp.

Come on.

Now, give me your paw.

What are you dogs doing?

I'm teaching tr*mp some tricks.

Well, it looks like he's taught you to give your paw.

Every other dog in the neighborhood knows how to do that.

Well, tr*mp's unusual.

Sudsy says he's stupid.

Well, good luck.

Maybe giving your paw is too hard to learn at first.

Lie down.

Get off me, tr*mp.

tr*mp.

This.

Meeting is hereby called to order.

It is up to our committee to decide what kind of booth
our current events club is going to have at the carnival.

The math club had a neat idea.

Yeah, they're going to have a modern scientific computer.

You play tic-tac-toe on it for prizes.

Oh, then there's the dramatic club.

They're building a space capsule.

You know, we've got to come up with
something really new to compete.

I know, but all the other clubs are using a good idea.

What's so funny, Joanie?

I'm sorry, Robbie.

I'm not laughing at the meeting.

Well, what then?

Your grandfather.

Well, she means it was just kind of funny.

Watching him try to pitch light bulbs.

Had him picked off, leaning the wrong way.

Oh, I can't believe it.

I guess they all get like that after 40.

You're laughing at Bub?

Oh, and when he threw the bulb and it
smashed against the door.

Oh, it was so funny.

All right, that's enough.

Joanie, if you were a man, I'd bust you
right in the kisser.

What's the matter, Robbie?

This meeting is adjourned.

Nobody's going to laugh at my grandfather.

They can just find somebody else to be on
your dumb committee.

I.

What's so funny?

Bub, just now.

Ah, shut up.

Can't you find somebody else to laugh at besides Bub?

I didn't get a chance to.

He asked me what I was laughing at.

I said, Bub.

And he started reading me off and flew upstairs.

I thought maybe I'd lost the knack,
but I guess I haven't, huh?

Guess not.

You Robbie's father?

Yes, I am.

I thought so.

I met his grandfather the last time.

The baseball player.

Oh, but you're getting to know the whole
family, aren't you?

The top spinner and the baseball player?

Actually, this is Chip's top.

I just picked it up off the ground.

He left it out here.

Of course.

Are you looking for Robbie?

Yes.

Well, why don't you come in?

We'll see if he's there.

You know, I really haven't spun a top in years.

Of course not.

Robbie!

Oh, hi, Bub.

Is Rob here?

No, he's not here yet, Steve.

Oh, hello, Joanie.

Hi, Mr. O'Casey.

He just called from Rango's and says he'll be
home as soon as Rango throws him one more call.

Well, he should be here any minute,
then why don't you wait for him, John?

Yeah, come on in and visit with me, won't you?

Well, sit around while Robbie shows up, huh?

Oh, thank you.

I've got to apologize to Robbie.

He's mad at me.

He thought I was laughing at you playing
baseball, Mr. O'Casey.

Oh, I don't blame you.

I think it's wonderful the way Robbie
stands up for his family.

Well, you know what I mean, don't you?

I think so.

I bet I did look a little goofy.

But you should have seen me when I was younger.

Everything changes.

A lot of things we used to think were just
great, we laugh at today.

Well, like clothes.

I mean, honestly, some of the pictures I've seen of mother.

I know.

Whatever became of Auction Bridge?

Yeah, and remember when everybody played
Mahjong and miniature golf?

Yeah, and what about marathon dancing?

Yeah, wasn't that something?

Yeah.

And how about flagpole sitting?

Flagpole sitting?

You mean people, grown-up people actually sat on flagpoles?

Well, what for?

Well, at the time, there wasn't much else to do.

And how about goldfish swallowing?

That was really big.

Oh, Mr. Douglas, you're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

No, he's not.

Live goldfish?

Yep.

Sure.

Picked them right out of the bowl and
dropped them right down.

But you did, not you.

Just one.

Or he did.

My only defense is that I was young.

And hungry.

A live goldfish.

I just can't imagine you...

Oh, hi, Robbie.

I was just laughing at your father.

Yeah.

First it was my grandfather, and now my father.

Oh, wait a minute, Rob.

Joan came over to apologize.

So she's laughing at you now, huh, Dad?

Well, Rob, your dad was just telling me
how he used to swallow live goldfish.

Well, if he likes them that way, then that's his business.

Look, Rob, Joan isn't laughing at us.

She's laughing with us.

Pardon me.

Rob, I came by to tell you that we do want
you on the committee.

And I'm sorry, okay?

Okay.

Hank and I can't agree on anything.

And we've got to get our committee report
out to the club tomorrow.

There must be some kind of a booth that would be different.

Booth?

You mean like an old-fashioned carnival show?

Yes.

Our school's putting on a carnival, and each
club is supposed to come up with a novel booth.

Well, now you're talking my language.

I used to be in a carny once.

How about, uh, Fitch and Penny's?

Well, I think they'd be a little ancient.

Oh?

Well, then how about, uh, Hittin' the Man?

The fella sticks his head through a hole
in the canvas and you...

Well, I guess not.

Look, uh, we had a booth once where you,
uh, you tossed embroidery rings over bottles.

Embroidery rings?

What are they?

Well, those are those... Dad, uh, I don't think so.

Well, uh, how about a fish pond?

That's always good.

You know, you have the magnet on the end
of the line and, uh...

No.

Well...

I got it.

A dunking machine.

That's a great idea, Bub.

Yeah.

A dunking machine?

Yeah, a dunking machine.

A guy sits in a chair over a tank of water
and you throw ba*ls at him till he hits

the target and bowie, baffle, you knock him in the water.

Yeah, and swallows a live goldfish.

No, I don't think so, Mr. O'Casey.

Why not?

Robbie, computers, atom smashers, space capsules, remember?

I think a dunking machine's a great idea.

Robbie, you know how the kids
are about anything so... so cornball.

Cornball?

Are you saying my grandfather's ideas are cornball?

I like it.

I like it.

But it isn't practical.

How are we ever going to build a dunking machine?

Well, Bub would help us, wouldn't you, Bub?

Sure, I would.

You see, my dad's an engineer.

He could put a thing like this together
with his eyes closed.

Well, I could try, Rob, if you really want it.

If it's good enough for Bub, it's good enough for us.

Come on, we'll go tell Hank he's outvoted.

She may not like it now, but she'll learn to love it.

They all will, Bub.

It'll be the hit of the carnival.

Steve, did you really swallow a goldfish?

Oh, just the one, Bub.

A little.

Not for long.

That's right, Hank.

Joni and I voted to recommend the dunking machine.

What do you mean it's cornball?

Joni thinks it's great.

Look, Hank, Joni and I are two-thirds of the committee.

You're only one vote.

Now, why don't you be a pal and vote with us?

Good.

And sound like you mean it.

Boy, just think.

A real great dunking machine.

What about the committee?

The committee hereby recommends that our
current events club have a dunking machine.

A dunking machine?

Oh, Robbie, you're the wildest.

Come on now, let's be serious.

What kind of a booth are we going to have?

The committee hereby recommends that our
current events club have a dunking machine.

You mean you're not kidding?

Where did you get such a cornball idea?

Robbie's grandfather suggested it.

Your grandfather?

Who put him on the committee?

Well, he was only trying to help.

And he is not cornball.

Okay, okay, but you gotta admit, it's awful old-fashioned.

It's so far out, it's almost back in.

In your grandfather's day, maybe a ducking
machine made the citizens flip.

But for Pete's sakes, Robbie, this is today.

It's like trying to race dragsters in a horse and buggy.

You heard our unanimous report.

No, Robbie, be reasonable.

Who's gonna pay ten cents to work a
ducking machine when they can smash an atom?

Yeah, or ride in a space capsule.

We'll all look like a bunch of kooks.

I move we turn down the committee's report.

Yeah.

And tell them to come up with something modern.

All in favor?

Hold it.

You turn down the ducky machine and you
get somebody else on your committee.

Me too.

Yeah, same here.

Okay, so quick.

We'll appoint a new committee.

Yeah.

Who'll volunteer?

Suggestions from the floor?

Come on now, there must be something
better than a dunking machine.

You come up with something better.

We're stuck.

All those in favor of accepting the
committee's recommendation?

That's what I call support.

This Thanksgiving weekend, we're... Here with Pat
EFG to give your child the hooked-on phonics head start.

Only Sears gets Sears.

Hurry in.

They don't even slow down.

Some of.

The other booths seem to be doing okay.

The.

Old carnival saying, they're all looking for something
new, but they still come back to what's good and true.

I sure hope so.

The.

Adam Smash is taking in $30.

Yeah, and look at the line of the Space Council.

Joni, why don't you come back here and see
if you can distract the crowd?

I feel.

Too good myself.

Yeah,

you really fixed this up with your dopey donkey machine.

You had to listen to your kooky
grandfather, and then we had to listen to you.

Well, you just leave my kooky grandfather out of this.

I wish we had.

Even if you paid people, they wouldn't
stop at this Cornwall operation.

This is the 20th century, not 1890.

Okay, okay, so you guys were right.

Now, will you just please shut up?

We could have made more money by not having a booth at all.

Let's take the club sign down.

We're disgracing it.

Don't you dare touch that sign, Rango Milford.

Instead of you guys just standing around
here saying mean things to Robbie,

you could be trying to help.

Doing what?

Well, not one of you has spent ten cents
to try this machine.

Well, who needs to try it?

Well, I'm going to.

Oh.

Highway.

Here we go.

Oh, this is going to be good.

All right, come on.

All right, now, Johnny.

Why don't you write it a little white?

There we go.

Oh.

Oh, very nice.

That was very nice.

A little more control now.

And there's Robbie at par.

And.

Oh.

Oh, beautiful.

Great.

That was great.

Great.

Why don't you try again?

Well, that wasn't bad.

Hold this, will you?

Now, if you guys really want to get even
with Robbie, just watch me.

Bub, do you think you should?

Sure, I think I should.

Give me another half inch, will you?

You.

Mean I can drown Douglas for only a dime?

You can't if you pinch.

Hold your nose, Douglas.

Boy, of all the dumb things to do.

Boy, that's the best trick any dog can do.

Well, tr*mp may not be exactly the brightest
dog around, but I'll say one thing for him, he's brave.

Well, what's so brave about jumping into a tank of water?

That's gratitude.

He tried to save you from drowning.

Hib?

Boy, he can't even swim.

I had to save Hib.

How much money did your booth take in, Rob?

$43.

More than the space caps will leave it.

Well, that just goes to show you.

People still go for some of those
so-called old-fashioned cornball ideas.

Don't they?

Well, not exactly.

Most of the money came from members of our committee.

Members of your committee?

Yeah, they were trying to get even with me for
coming up with that old-fashioned cornball idea.

Laughter.

Stay tuned for another episode of My Thoughts.

As this twice as nice morning continues here on TV Land.