03x37 - The Date Bureau

[bunniefuu]

I hope you do better than at my house.

Yeah, your mom sure spoiled with you.

I'll have the lowest score of anybody in the school.

How's it look?

That's good.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you fellas doing?

Looking for Santa Claus?

No, we're looking for hazards.

Oh.

Hello.

Uh-oh, just a minute.

Chip, is Hank Ferguson here?

He's in the kitchen with Robbie.

Oh, yeah, yes, he's here.

Who's calling, please?

Beg your pardon?

Oh, I'll, uh, just a moment.

You, uh, you did say hazards.

Yeah, this room is full of them.

What happened after you turned the table over?

Marsh Alice cried a lot.

Hank, uh, there's a phone call for you.

I think she said her name was Halibut?

Oh, uh, Lillibut.

Oh, Lillibut.

I'm glad I was mistaken.

How's the coffee situation, Bub?

Plenty on the stove.

Help yourself.

Uh-oh, I'm making a cake.

There's got to be a girl somewhere
who likes some of the things I like, Bub.

Well, keep looking.

You heard me.

Well, all I want is to find the right girl and go steady.

That way I won't have to end up blind
dating these people like Marsha Alice Prescott.

Steve, what are Chip and Sudsy doing in the other room?

They're, uh, looking for hazards.

Oh?

There ought to be some easier way to find the right girl.

I mean, if you want a cook or a secretary, an
engineer, you just, you just call an employment service.

They're looking for what?

Hazards.

Up the chimney.

They look in a card file and then single.

There she is, the girl that you wanted.

Are they finding any?

I don't know, Bob.

Don't you know something?

I think maybe we'd better check.

Do you know why I agree with you?

It'll all work out, Rob.

Go steady, go steady.

That's all she thinks about.

Well, I'm not ready to go steady with a Lily-bit Watson.

There are too many other deserving girls around.

Well, fellas, how's the hunting?

Great.

We just found a 15-point octopus.

That's after we're looking for hazards.

We are.

Fire hazards.

You see, they give us these checklists at school.

The kid who brings in the most points gets
to be junior fire marshal.

They give you a gold badge.

And a ride on a hook and ladder.

I see.

The more hazards you find, the more points you get, hmm?

Yeah.

They give you points for finding them and
points for changing them.

Sudsy's house is not good at all.

Gee, you're sure lucky, Chip, living in a fire trap.

That's because there's plenty of hazards in the kitchen.

Now, wait a minute, you two.

Not bad, huh?

I think it's the greatest idea you ever had, Rob.

Hey, Dad, Hank and I are going into business together.

Oh, well, what kind of business, Rob?

We're starting a date bureau.

A date bureau?

Yeah, Mr. Douglas.

And I'm taking business administration
one, so I can clue Robbie in.

Well, fine, Hank.

Now, the first thing we've got to do is
sign up every good-looking chick in school.

Yeah, we get their qualifications down on
cards, systematic-like.

I see.

Tell me, do you just take their word as to
their qualifications?

Oh, no, sir.

We have to date them all ourselves first.

That's what I figured.

Well, it's called researching a product.

Yeah.

Come on, let's get organized.

Hey, Rob, can you tell me how to incorporate ourselves?

No, no, no.

It doesn't matter what you do, Rob.

Hi.

Hi.

No, 837 Mill Street?

Yeah, that's right.

We're here to register for the Date Bureau.

Date Bureau?

Isn't that a marvelous idea?

Kind of like a romantic employment agency.

Oh.

Well, neither one of you girls look like
you'd have any trouble getting dates.

Say, I wonder if brothers are allowed to register.

I certainly hope so.

Are you in the Army?

No, Air Force, or Air Force Reserve.

Whoops.

We're taking the guesswork out of dating.

Well, it's very scientific.

Sure.

Rob.

There'll be no such thing as a blind date.

Why, it's the greatest step forward since
Lincoln freed the sl*ves.

Oh, hi, Marcellus.

Hi.

Are you looking for someone?

I heard about your scientific date, Beryl.

I'd like to sign up.

You would?

Come in.

Now, that's 837 Mill Street.

Okay, we'll see you real soon.

Hi.

Uh, that'll be 50 cents for the registration
fee and a quarter for each date that we.

...

each date that the Bureau sets up for you.

Uh, you can just fill out this card here.

Hey, Rob, look who's here.

This way, ladies.

No charges, the guide service.

Hi.

Hi, Angler.

Hi.

Hi.

Have you got any coins yet?

We're just getting started.

Hey, that's a business phone, Mike.

This is our phone.

No, you can't tie up this line with personal calls.

Just as much right to tie up the line as you do.

Please, Mike, you could use the pay phone
down at the drugstore.

Okay?

Give Mike a dime out of petty cash.

What petty cash?

There.

This will make headlines in the Wall Street Journal.

What do we do now?

Oh, well, for most of our clients, it's a
registration fee, but you girls are special.

Yeah.

Oh, fine, fine.

We'll get in touch with you as soon as we can.

Can we fill out cards?

Oh, no, no.

Robbie and I are taking you girls out tonight.

Then we'll fill out the cards.

Yeah, we have to get to know our clients.

Ferguson Douglas Day Bureau.

Oh, hello, Lily Beth.

No, I'm sorry, not tonight.

Well, I'm going to be pretty well booked
up for several weeks now.

Oh, no, no, no, it's strictly business.

Right, partner?

All right.

Bob, have you seen my... What do you want?

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm cleaning out this closet.

Chip, look, I'm a rag.

You can't put these on that list.

Why not?

Well, because I'm moving them.

Well, don't do that.

At least not till I win.

Well, you can win without making a bum out
of me, can't you?

Hey, that's my list.

Yeah, I know.

I just found it.

You've been using my list to go around change things.

Well, that's the idea of this thing, isn't it?

Fire prevention?

Golly.

Golly, just like Benedict Arnold.

Don't you want me to get the gold badge
and ride on the hook and ladder?

Sure I do.

Then how come you're getting rid of all my nice hazards?

While they're pinning that gold badge on
you, they'll be pinning another on me,

lousy housekeeper.

You're not.

Looks like I'm the worst insurance risk
since Mrs. O'Leary's cow.

I never thought of it like that.

Doreen Peters will probably win anyway.

Her father smokes in bed.

Would have been neat.

I'd known that hook and ladder.

Hey, come here, you two.

Come here.

I'll put these on your list.

Oily rags, mop, and an open can of turpentine that
I saw in the back porch right near the water heater.

Wow!

Gee, thanks, Bub.

Boy, an open can.

Gosh, I'd like to ride on a hook and ladder myself.

All right, Chip.

Hi.

Have you, uh, finished all your homework?

Yeah.

Anything on your mind?

No.

Oh, just, uh, came in for a visit, huh?

Yeah.

Tell me, uh, do you think you're gonna be
a junior fire marshal?

I don't know.

Today, the ring was 15 points ahead of me.

Oh.

You've listed all the hazards in our house, hmm?

Yeah.

I'm working on personal habits now.

Oh.

Personal habits, huh?

I suppose you want us all to be on our worst behavior.

Yeah.

Get.

It!

You, you, you did what?

Ashes and waste basket, 10 points.

Mansion waste basket, 10 points.

Paper, paper, paper.

Paper could catch on fire, 10 points.

Boy, thanks, Dad.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

There's tissues you can get for your baby.



I'm not going to get stuck with her, am I?

No, nobody gets stuck with anybody.

We help you pick out a girl with the same interests.

Thank you.

Now, let me see.

Bone.

Oh, don't you do anything else besides bone?

Well, just get me a pretty one that bowls.

You can take your choice.

Here.

Hey, well, I heard what Bill said about what's-her-name.

Every guy who comes in here says that.

We've got to do something about her.

She's scaring off customers.

I think I'll take this one.

Okay, we'll call Janie.

If it's okay, we'll let you know.

Okay, fine, thank you.

She's on.

File.

Yeah, nobody wants to date her.

Well, she sure doesn't help us.

Always lurking around.

I don't think she lurks.

Yes, exactly.

I'll get my dad.

Hi, Robbie.

Hi, Lilibet.

How are you, Lilibet?

Fine, I haven't seen much of you lately.

Now, Lilibet, this is a place of business, and if
you came here to argue, I... I came to register.

Register?

Yes, with the Bureau.

Now, here's 50 cents, and here's my card.

Marshalis.

Yes?

Now, could I get you a drink of water or something?

No, thank you.

Okay, I just thought I'd ask.

There.

Oh, well, here are some of our clients I think you'd like.

No.

No.

Not my type.

Uh, do you have a card on Arnie Hodap?

Arnie Hodap?

You can't go out with him.

I paid my money.

Well, Lily, but I'm telling you for your own good.

Now, forget Arnie Hodap.

Do you take this much interest in all your clients?

Arnie Hodap.

Arnie Hodap.

Thank you.

I'll expect to hear from you soon.

Goodbye.

Now, why would a girl like Lily but want
to go out with a guy like Arnie Hodap?

Isn't.

She just going to wait someplace else?

The only way we're going to get rid of her
is to find her a date.

But we can't.

Look, we guaranteed her a date.

It's a matter of our business reputation.

It affects our image.

Then one of us has got to date her.

Well, you.

You.

It was your idea.

Call it.

Take it.

You lose.

Two out of three.

Business reputation, Rob.

It affects our image.

It's a far, far better thing I do now than
I've ever done before.

Only this time I'm trying.

Oh.

Do you, uh, do you want to rest?

Whatever you say.

Okay.

I, uh, I guess you don't like dancing too much.

I haven't had much practice.

I couldn't tell exactly what you were interested in.

You wouldn't be interested in what I'm interested in.

They never serve the water here anyway.

Sitting, uh, just plain sitting can be fun.

Uh, I guess some guys practically make a
career out of just sitting.

Like a bus driver, a Supreme Court justice, a yogi.

I guess we better go home now.

Yeah, I don't mind.

What are we saying?

I didn't have.

A very good time.

And I won't be hanging around.

The Bureau has a money-back guarantee.

The way things worked out, I think you
ought to have your money back.

No.

Please.

Well, it's only fair here.

You promised to get me a date, and you didn't.

You did.

I'd feel a lot better if you'd take it.

You kept your bargain.

Does your dad drive that neat job?

It's mine.

Yours?

Man.

Look, who put on the chrome reverse?

I did.

And I put on the dual quads.

You did?

Man.

Man.

Boy.

You've got a gorgeous Magneto.

I found a junk racing car and it was easy
to adapt some of the gear.

Where did you pick up the talent?

I took machine shop as an elective last year.

Oh, Mr. Hocklter?

Did you have him?

Sure, how about that?

Children, do not be afraid of the machine age.

To know the machine is not to be afraid of the machine.

That's good.

Boy, what kind of linkage is that?

Is that positive or progressive?

Progressive.

You have wonderful blueprints, Robbie.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh.

This is the engine that won the 500 last year.

Hey, why don't we go to the drag race this Saturday?

That'd be fun.

Yeah.

Robbie, come on.

Fire drill.

I'll be right there.

Excuse me.

Mind if I come with you?

Oh, sure.

This I've got to see.

Okay, come on.

Okay, now, when I yell fire, everybody
knows what he's supposed to do.

Chip, I think it's great that you're a junior
fire marshal, but isn't this a little ridiculous?

Marshal Alice, you don't have to be in
this if you'd rather not.

I'd like to.

Who ever heard of a fire drill at home?

Yeah, I'm at school.

Yeah, but that's different, Chip.

They have a lot more fires in homes than schools.

You know, Chip's got a point.

Well, come on, let's get it over with.

But, Chip, why do we have to have this rope ladder in here?

Well, in case you don't have back stairs,
you're supposed to use a rope ladder.

Okay, Chip.

Okay, everybody get ready.

Get ready.

Fire!

You.

All right?

Yes.

Um, you can put me down now.

Oh.

Dad!

Dad!

Don't wait up for me, Grandpa.

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird,
it's a plane, it's not Superman.

It's Superman.

It's My Favorite Martian.

Stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite
Martian during this twice as nice morning on TV Land.