My Three Sons Starring Fred McMurray And
as Bub, William Frawley.
Are you all right?
Oh, just a few bruises.
Nothing broken.
Oh, I was so worried.
Took an awful beating out there.
Yeah, it's not much of a season.
Seven losses in a row.
Well, you can't win them all.
Oh, I was so proud of you.
The way you show up every week.
Yeah?
Well, you know, with all the kids kicking
you when you're down and coming out to
groan instead of cheer and making fun of
the team and everything.
Well, it's just a game.
Later tonight.
Watch out.
See you then.
Okay.
Bye.
What's the matter, Bub?
Don't you want to hear the rest of the game?
No, thanks.
I got a weak stomach.
Poor Robbie.
Bryant Park had a good team last year.
Uh-huh.
That's before de-emphasis set in.
What's de-emphasis?
Well, that's like letting the air out of a balloon.
Well, what's de-emphasis?
No dumb guys on the team.
You got to make the grades.
Yeah, I guess Robbie is pretty smart.
Yeah, that's the reason they let him get
his brains kicked out every Saturday.
Hi, fellas.
Hi.
Hey, aren't you listening to the game?
No, we can't at all.
Well, Washington's just ready to kick off again.
And Douglas takes the kickoff on the 10-yard line.
He's up to the 15, to the 20.
Come on, Robbie.
Yeah, come on.
He reverses his field.
He's back on the 15, to the 10.
He's back on the 5.
He's back to the goal line.
He's going to be tackled.
Oh, no.
Safety.
Well, that only makes it 40 to nothing.
It's still anybody's game.
Well, how come Robbie keeps playing?
I guess just for the exercise, Chip.
You know, I almost went to that game tonight, too.
But luckily, I was held up at a meeting.
Why didn't you go, Bobby?
Would you go to a bullfight if your grandson was the bull?
I guess we have to look at it this way.
It's their first year of DFSA.
They're exercising football, and they're
not adjusted to it.
Why use the math teacher for a coach?
Why not the school nurse?
Well, I guess they need the math teacher
to keep tracking the score.
You know, I could help those kids.
I could teach them our old flying wedge.
Well, they could use something.
What was your old flying wedge?
Well, when we used to play behind
Mulcahy's brewery, Holohan used to carry
the ball, and we'd form a line in front of him, link
arms, and rush right down the field over the goal line.
What happened?
Well, they scored the touchdown, and then the
whole team kept right on going, right on into the brewery.
Stand up, stand up, stand up, and fight for Bryant High.
Later tonight, we'll sit down and cry.
Fight on, fight on, fight on for colors black and blue.
We know the other team is counting on you.
Mike?
Hi, Nick.
Hi, Sally.
What song is that?
I'm working on a fight song for Robbie.
It's a fight song for losers.
Yeah.
I wouldn't expect them to have a victory song.
Oh, but it's sort of rubbing salt in the wound, isn't it?
Oh, no, Dad.
Rob doesn't take his football seriously.
He knows we're just kidding around.
In my day, we had more respect for our school songs.
Of course, we had a little better team, too, I guess.
But, Mr. Douglas, you have to admit Mike's song is funny.
Yeah, and it fills the need, doesn't it?
What else would they sing about?
Second verse.
Stand up, stand up, stand up and fight for Bryant.
High and high, we never win cause we never try.
Collapse, collapse, collapse, my boys, on every play.
Look out, the other team is heading our way.
Has Robbie heard it yet, Mike?
No, I'm going to run it through for him
when he limps home tonight.
But think of it this way.
We have the only backfield in the entire
league with a B plus average.
Yeah, and it's very good exercise.
Exercise.
Robbie, you've been brainwashed by this de-emphasis stuff.
Well, sure, Robbie's girl's a cheerleader.
So she can't need to know about getting clobbered.
Mr. Philbrook, couldn't we have just a
couple of big guys with D averages in our line?
Of course not.
Those are just the ones who can't afford
time away from their studies.
Yeah, that's right.
And who's going to remember these scores ten
years from now when our education's paying off, huh?
I will.
I could have been k*lled out there facing those monsters.
You think those guys are big?
Wait till you see Fremont.
They've been murdering these guys.
Do we have to play Fremont?
Couldn't we forfeit?
Come on, you guys.
Where's your school spirit?
Out on the field.
Out on the field with two of my teeth.
Quiet!
Quiet!
No more of this talk of quitting.
We're going to play the game and make our
point for the emphasis.
We are all going to the annual victory
rally next week with heads high.
Victory rally?
You mean a dance of death.
Nice little victory rally.
Just like every other year.
The night before the traditional Fremont game.
Who wants to play for Fremont?
It's rough, it's rough, it's rough,
the way the game is played.
Don't move your head, old buddy, here comes first aid.
How about that?
That's funny.
Dad thought it would hurt your feelings.
Oh, no.
Who takes football seriously?
That's what I told him.
Yeah, I wish one of you fellas would answer the phone.
You know it's never for me around here.
Oh, sorry, Dad.
We didn't hear it.
Well, anyway, Rob, who is Lissa Stratemeyer?
Oh, she's a small girl, Dad.
She understands all about B averages and everything.
She loves me.
Well, congratulations.
She's on the phone.
Oh, nice.
You know, Mike, I was just thinking.
I know what they're trying to accomplish
with the de-emphasizing of football,
but wouldn't it be great if we just
happened to beat Fremont on Saturday night?
Oh, Dad, the chances of that are... Yeah, I know.
I was just kind of dreaming.
Hey, Mike, I was teaching your son Ernie.
How's that part go after?
Stand up, stand up, stand up, and fight for Brian High.
All right.
Stand up, stand up, stand up, and fight for Brian High.
Why don't you check with me after you win the Fremont game?
Win the Fremont game?
I'll be lucky to come out alive.
What do you mean you won't go out with me
till we beat Fremont?
Let me put it another way.
Until you beat Fremont, I won't go out with you.
Well, how about the victory rally?
Take your mother.
Now, listen, wait a minute.
You can't pull a stunt like this.
Robbie, I'll be late for class.
Oh, come on.
The first bell hasn't even rung yet.
Now, this is dumb.
You want us to beat Fremont or you won't go out with us.
But the victory rally is the night before the game.
Well, we're automatically not going to that.
And you have to beat Fremont or we won't go out with you.
Ever.
Good.
We'll take out other girls.
Try it.
Now, look, Lissa, why the big change all of a sudden?
You're the one who kept telling me not to
worry about what other people say.
Well, I had to fake it, Robbie.
That a girl can only stand so much of watching
her boyfriend get pounded into the ground.
Oh, but the worst part of it is, you don't care.
Not one of you really cares.
Oh, come on, we do, too, care.
I mean, the world's not going to end just
because we lose a few games.
Oh, you're trying to make us care.
That's it.
I see.
Well, we feel that you're... Excuse me.
Hi, Rob.
We feel, all of us.
That you will do much better if you're
deprived of a few simple pleasures.
Such as?
Well, phoning us and walking us home and
taking us to the mall shop.
Work for Lissa Strada.
Lissa Strada?
Who's he?
Oh, Robbie.
Now, Lissa, you can't do this.
This is unfair and cruel punishment.
Then be Fremont.
How can a stupid idea like this spread
through the whole school?
There must be a hundred girls who'd like to go out with us.
Well, sure.
After all, we're on the varsity and all that.
Corny jazz.
All we gotta do is get some new girls to
go to the Victory Rally with us.
Yeah, that's it.
Okay, well, Sean, come on.
Let's start scouting.
Chris, uh, do you have a date for the
Victory Rally Friday night?
Why, no, Robbie.
Well, uh, I'd like to have you for my date
if you could see your way clear to go.
I'd pick you up around 7 O'clock.
She said it would happen just like this.
She?
Who?
Lissa.
She said we'd have lots of offers for dates.
But, Robbie, you're all forgetting just one little thing.
What?
The rest of us girls want you to beat Fremont, too.
Bye.
What are we gonna do?
We could beat Fremont.
What?
Beat Fremont.
How?
Well, we could be so inspired by our
girls, we could go wild, and we could
sweep them off their feet, and we could
get in there and fight.
Forget about beating Fremont.
That's impossible.
Impossible?
What you've got to do is figure out a way
to break down the girls.
You know, I'm getting so I don't want to
break down the girls.
I'm getting kind of sore about this whole deal.
Me, too.
We're the ones being pushed around.
That's right.
Who needs them?
Doesn't matter how sore we get,
it's not gonna do us much good.
Those girls got the school covered like a blanket.
You know who I asked to the rally and she turned me down?
Who?
Marjorie Flickster.
Oh!
I wonder who this Liz Estrada is that Liz
has got her eye on.
Where did she get the idea from?
Lissa who?
Estrada.
That's where she got this whole stupid idea.
Sounds like something I had to learn in geology.
You mind if I butt in, fellas?
Maybe I can give a little help here.
You know, I think maybe Mr. and Mrs. Strademeyer had
something in mind when they named their daughter Lissa.
Now, what I'm getting at is there was an ancient Greek play
written by a fellow named
Aristophanes called Lissa Estrada.
You get the similarity of names?
I mean, Lissa Estrada and Lissa Strademeyer?
Yeah.
Well, in the play...
All the men were spending their time away at the
wars, and the women got a little tired of this, and...
So Lissa Estrada got the other wives
together, and they all went on strike.
They formed a group to stop all this warring business.
That's not our girls' reasons.
They want us to get creamed by those
elephants over at Fremont.
Or, on the other hand, maybe they're just
trying to get you fellas to win a game for a change.
Funny how the girls use the same tactics, huh?
A few thousand years apart, of course.
Oh, that's great.
Our doll's using a trick play that's been
used for a couple thousand years.
How do we defense a play like that?
Imagine all those Greek dolls getting
together so Sparta could win a football game.
Not all the Greek dolls, just the wives.
You heard Robbie's dad.
Hey, wait a minute.
Lissa didn't get them all either.
She missed the freshman girls.
Naturally, she knows he wouldn't go out with children.
Well, then that's the weak spot we've been looking for.
You're kidding.
Well, no, I'm serious.
Well, I realize that freshmen are
subhuman, but if they walk and they talk
and they dance and they go to rallies,
some of them even look like girls.
Hey, you know, there's one of those freshman children.
She's kind of tall.
I had to take Spanish 1 as an elective, and there's
one of them in there that's not too bad, if you look quick.
And our tickets to the victory rally don't
have to go to waste.
That's right.
I'll bet you Lissa never figured we'd
stoop so low as to ask a freshman.
That's a great idea.
She's got to put her hair up.
Stand up, stand up, stand up, and fight for Brian, hi.
Later tonight we'll sit down and cry.
Chip, you have to sing that song.
I thought you didn't care.
I don't care, but just quit singing it.
You're just sore because you have to take
that little kid to the dance.
She's not a little kid, and I'm not sore.
Boy, just wait till Lissa sees you with that little kid.
Her heart's going to break from laughing.
Chip, will you just lay off, huh?
Concentrate on your paper airplanes.
What a pass!
Stand up, stand up, stand up.
For bright yellow skies, tonight we'll sit down and cry.
Well, do you have to sing that song?
No, I don't have to sing it, but I'm going to
fight on, fight on, fight on for colors black and blue.
Who we know, the other team is counting on you.
Where are my keys?
Under the sofa there, where they belong.
And if you're sore about the song, forget it.
Everybody in town has heard it by now.
I'm not sore about anything, Buck.
So long.
So long.
Have a good time.
And don't forget to have that child home
in time for her cocoa.
Isn't it bad enough that I've got to take out a kid like
Debbie without everyone getting so hysterical about it?
Well, nobody's been beating you over the
head with a stick to take her out.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Buck.
So am I.
And I know just how you feel about it.
White would be just like me taking out a girl of 50.
Good night, Patricia.
Fight on, fight on, fight on, the color's black and blue.
We know the other team is counting on you.
Oh, black and blue.
We know the other team is counting on you.
Excuse me, is Debbie...
Debbie, is that you?
Yeah.
Mom and Dad are out for the evening,
so I can wear anything I want.
Quick, Robbie, let's go.
Debbie, wait a minute.
Couldn't you please take off some of this gook first?
I haven't got the time now.
Please, Robbie.
How come you got so tall all of a sudden?
High heel.
Couldn't we talk this over in the car?
Debbie, Debbie, come back here.
Run, Robbie, quick.
What are you doing?
What for?
Debbie, take off those shoes.
I told you to stay out of my closet.
Eileen, you're embarrassing me.
I'm going to the victory rally with this gentleman.
Not in my shoes, or my gloves, or my pin.
And take off that ridiculous makeup.
You look like you're going out for trick-or-treat.
I never have any fun.
Pathetic little thing, isn't she?
Pardon me, didn't you go to Bryant Park High last year?
Yes, I graduated.
I'm home from college on vacation.
And in my day, boys your age didn't date
girls Debbie's age.
Oh, well, this is kind of complicated.
My name is Robbie Douglas.
Mike's brother?
Yeah, yeah, small world, isn't it?
Uh, I was wondering, uh, did you have any
plans for this evening?
Well, I was planning on going to a movie
with some girlfriends.
Why?
Well, uh, how would you like to go back
and take a look at the old school?
They'd sure like a look at you.
Well, might be fun.
Oh,
you get a rebate.
How come?
Half price for children.
He's furious.
Good.
He'll take it out on Fremont tomorrow.
They're gonna tear Fremont apart.
Listen, look.
That's no freshman.
That's Arlene Rogers.
She's freshman queen at State College.
We're ruined.
We've lost a battle.
But we haven't lost the w*r.
Good evening, girls.
You know, Debbie, of course.
This is Debbie's big sister, Arlene Rogers.
Hi, Arlene.
Hi, Lissa.
Nice to see you.
Huh?
Huh?
Uh, you two know each other?
Oh, we're old friends.
Arlene, could you spare a moment to talk to an old friend?
Of course.
Excuse us, Robbie.
Lissa.
Good night, Robbie.
Thank you for bringing me here.
Good night.
Well, we just arrived.
Did she tell you... Yes.
Good luck in the Fremont game.
Coming, Debbie?
Oh!
Oh!
Stand up, stand up, stand up, and bite the bone.
Bite him.
We'll k*ll him.
Those guys are playing way over their heads.
They're like tigers out here.
I know, Chip.
We lost.
Forty to nothing.
Well, I don't think that was too bad.
Not bad.
It's awful.
Well, that all depends upon how you look at it, Chipper.
I think Robbie's team put up a pretty good fight,
considering the team they were playing tonight.
Dad, if I lost forty to nothing,
I wouldn't even call it a fight.
Now, let me show you something.
I've just finished making up this comparative chart.
Now, two weeks ago, Fremont beat Auburn
fifty-four to nothing.
And tonight, Fremont only beat us forty to nothing, so
that makes us fourteen points better than Auburn, right?
I guess so.
Now, last week, Fremont beat Marshall
forty-seven to nothing, and Fremont only
beat us forty to nothing
tonight, so that, uh... Oh, I get it.
That makes us seven points better than Marshall.
That's right.
So we didn't have such a bad night after all, did we?
Yeah, I gotta tell Robbie when he gets home.
He probably thinks he lost.
Yeah, and I want you to show this chart to, uh, Lissa.
She probably thinks we lost, too.
Gotcha, Dad.
Stand up, stand up, stand up, and fight for Bryant High.
Later tonight, we'll lie down and cry.
Boy, what a team.
Oh!
Too bad, Rob.
Oh, yeah.
You know, a disc jockey called me up,
wants me to put the fight song on tape.
Said he'd use it on the air.
Great.
I told him, get lost.
Come, I guess we're...
Oh, Robbie, isn't it wonderful?
Isn't what wonderful?
Victory!
Victory?
Oh, come on, Lissa.
We got massacred.
I'm sure you know it.
No, but your father worked out this chart,
and Chip brought it over.
Now, see, Fremont beat Marshall worse than they beat us.
So, it's a real moral victory.
Well, we practically won.
Yeah.
Well, how about that?
Oh!
Oh, Robbie!
Oh!
You see, Steve, it's just like the old Greek said.
Don't tell me you've been reading Lysistrata.
No, I'm talking about the Greek that ran the restaurant next
to the Orpheum Theater in San Francisco, Chris Casamattis.
Oh, what did Chris Casamattis say?
He said, never underestimate the power of a woman.
Oh, he's the one that said that.
The very one.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Thank you.
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