04x36 - Huckleberry Douglas

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons.

Hi, Chip.

Hiya.

You're too late.

Why are all the books gone?

All the thin ones are.

Which one have you got there?

Innocence Abroad.

How many pages?



This one's a lot better.

Only 232.

I'm going to take it.

What's the name of it?

Who cares?

Boy, that's the worst one.

It weighs around 10 pounds and it hasn't
got any pictures or anything.

This is a good one.

I heard about it even.

So long, Melinda.

Yeah, so long.

This is a public library and my father pays
taxes so I can stay here as long as I want to.

Only I don't want to because he doesn't
want me to stay here.

They're the two dumbest boys in the whole school.

My dad says I shouldn't be rude to girls
unless they're rude to me first.

And you were rude to me first so now I can be rude to you.

What were you going to say to her?

I don't know.

It's a good thing she left.

Tom Sawyer.

Must be a terrible book.

They've got about five of them left.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't you take one and I'll take one
and you read half and I'll read the other half.

Hey, yeah, and then you tell me your half
and I'll tell you my half.

We'll only have to read a half a book.

Boy, Melinda said we were dumb.

Yeah, she'll be reading until her clunky eyes fall out.

We'll be through practically right away.

We'll even be able to watch TV.

Tom Sawyer.

You better call Chip.

I'm going to throw this stuff on the table in a minute.

Chip!

Where is he anyway?

I haven't seen him since I got here.

Well, he's here.

He came home moaning and groaning about
having to do a book report.

Yeah.

He's sore because his teacher doesn't trust him.

He's checking their library card to make
sure they took out the books.

Go get him.

We'll be right back.

Chip!

Oh, Chip, dinner's ready.

Chip, dinner's ready.

Chip.

Come on, Bub, let's eat.

Let's start.

Not on your tin type, Esther.

Now, when we're all here together and seated, we'll eat.

Oh, did you find Chip, Rob?

Yeah, Daddy, he's right here in the living room, reading.

Well, didn't you hear me call him?

I guess not.

Well, did you tell him dinner's ready?

Well, yeah, but I guess he didn't hear me either.

He's lost in some book, a real book.

A real book?

You know, one without pictures or cartoons or just words.

Here.

Chip, didn't you hear me call you?

Bub?

Yeah?

Would it be all right if Chip had his
dinner a little later?

Why?

Well, he's found a new friend.

Who?

Tom Sawyer.

Oh.

Well, tell Chip to bring him in.

We'll feed him, too.

And did you like that part where he got
those other guys to paint the fence?

Yeah, and wasn't it neat where he heard
them talking about a boom funeral?

Yeah.

Boy, I wish Bub and Dad and everybody were meaner to me.

That way we could do a bunch of junk like
that, and they'd be sorry if we were dead.

Why don't you do something rotten and have
your dad yell at you, and we could build a

rock and go down a little creek and be pirates?

Why don't you?

I'll think of something.

My dad yells real easy.

Ernest, is that you on the phone this time of night?

Hey, he's yelling right now, and I
practically didn't even do anything.

Chip!

Bub's hollering, too.

I'd better hang up.

Great.

We got a creek around here and a river over
Bolton with islands and caves and all kinds of neat stuff.

Ernest, this is your last chance.

Hey, I'm on my last chance.

All right, kid and fella, get your torso
in that room, pronto.

Okay, so long, Ernie.

You going to slap me around a little bit, Bub?

When did I ever slap you around?

Oh, that's okay.

You don't have to.

I'm glad I'm not a modern parent.

I don't know what you're talking about and I don't care.

I'll get in there.

Hey, Chip.

Chip.

What's the matter, tr*mp?

tr*mp, what's the matter?

Yeah, how about if we all pitch in and quit
talking and yelling and hollering and growling, huh?

How about it?

What do you want, Ernie?

Come on.

Come on where?

I got my dad to smack me and now I'm sorting.

And I'm running away just like Don Sawyer.

Yeah, but nobody smacked me.

That's okay.

In the book, if one guy came into the other guy's house
and he said, let's run away, the other guy always did it.

How about it?

Why don't we all pitch in and turn off the radio, huh?

Where are you running away to?

Down to the creek.

I got this neat draft and everything.

That looks like the top off your mother's old table.

Sure, but it floats.

One time the pipes busted in the basement and I went
down and floated around until my dad caught me and yelled.

And he said junkies shouldn't say to little kids.

That's another thing I'm sorry to him about.

No, Ernie, I don't know.

Why don't we all pitch in and hold it down
a little around here.

Did Robbie k*ll the thing yet?

Yeah.

You sure did?

Sure.

Okay, let's go.

Yeah, but I'm not sorry to Dad or Bub.

It's all in my notes.

Me, only don't bring tr*mp.

Okay.

Come.

He wasn't in the book.

Yeah, how about it?

Let's all pitch in and cut it out, huh?

First time I ever saw the sun come up.

What are we going to do now?

There's no water.

We can wait for a flashlight or something.

This isn't the kind of Christmas we're going to have.

This isn't the kind of creek where they have flash floods.

This is the kind of creek where it has to rain all day.

Then you're lucky if you can Wade in it.

Well, all's I know.

Tom's story wouldn't quit because there's
no water in the creek.

He'd go over to a boat and wonder if there's a real river.

It's too far away.

No, it's not.

And we've got this neat raft and it's dumb to be scared.

I'm not scared.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

When.

You're hauling that old tabletop around,
it's not a tabletop, it's a raft.

And you're going down to the river.

Can I come?

No.

How did you know we were going down to the river?

Because I've been reading Tom Sawyer, too.

You're Tom and you're Huckleberry Finn.

I'm Tom Sawyer.

Mind it, Thatcher.

You're nothing but Melinda Mayberry.

And you're not coming down to the river
with us, so forget it.

It's a public river and my father pays
taxes, so I got as much right to use it as you.

Yeah, well, your father doesn't pay taxes on our raft.

Come on, Ernie.

Gee,

that looks fine.

We're not sailed for a baby.

Well, maybe you can don't ever know, Ernie.

I'll be right over, Ernie.

Oh, no.

It's just different.

Look in the book.

I wonder if there's any caves around there
with treasure in them.

You want to go over to the island first?

Did you hear something?

Yeah, like a moan.

There's someone suffering or something.

No, it's like somebody's walking in the woods.

It's come from over there.

Hi.

Boy, Melinda, how come you never notice we
don't want you hanging around?

My mother says boys always say rotten things.

Only they mean just the opposite.

So the rottener you are to me, the more I know you like me.

How about that?

You going over to Jackson's Island on the raft now?

Yeah, and no matter what your mother says,
you're not coming.

Because who needs you?

Okay.

I think I'll go over to the cave where
it's cool and have lunch.

What cave?

What lunch?

I saw a cave right over there, and I
got cold chicken and apple pie in here.

Bye.

Maybe we ought to go see the cave.

That's what Tom Sawyer would do.

Yeah.

Boy, I always wanted to see a real cave.

Yeah, but suppose she really doesn't have
fried chicken and apple pie in the basket.

Then I guess we'll look at a cave.

Good morning.

Well, good morning, sleeping beauty.

Breakfast or lunch?

Oh, what time is it?

It's time for you to take this down to the
creek for your little brother.

It's his lunch.

Well, what's Chip doing down at the creek?

Yeah, he's sitting on a tabletop starving to death.

Well, now, why would Chip be down at the
creek sitting on a tabletop starving?

I don't know.

That doesn't sound like it makes much sense.

But right now isn't the time to ask Bub any questions.

Yeah.

Well, I guess if Chip was starving,
Bub would act more worried.

How much of a K, Melinda?

No, but the chicken's good.

Use a napkin, Tom.

Melinda, no one uses napkins in the woods.

Okay, okay, we'll use the napkins.

Here, Tom.

Here, Huckleberry.

And don't throw them away and stop up the woods.

Listen, Melinda.

Just because we're letting you feed us is no sign that
you're going to get a ride over to Jackson's Island with us.

We'll see.

Hey, what was that?

Sounded like a squeak, sort of.

Like rusty hinges.

They wouldn't have rusty hinges in a cave.

They might have some of these open in a treasure chest.

Sounded more like a bat or something.

Hey, yeah, a bat squeak.

It comes from inside the cave.

Oh, sweet little thing.

Oh, gee.

What are you doing here?

Mama will take care of you.

Hey, look.

I wonder if it's okay to feed him chicken.

Sure, give him the little pieces.

Here, let me have them.

Oh, I found him.

Let me see yours for a minute.

Uh-uh.

He doesn't want to leave his mama.

Boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, girl.

I should get sore.

Yeah.

Do something.

You're the boy.

Are you scared, Chip?

Heck no.

My knees are a little nervous.

Cat's.

Bite, little girl.

Bite point the what?

Look.

She's hungry.

I hope she likes fried chicken and potato chips.

Until she gets real interested.

And the food.

Then we'll sneak past.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Boy, that's the kind of junk you see in the movies.

Yeah, only I'd rather be sitting in the
lodges with a bag of popcorn.

The least you could do is thank me for saving your lives.

Huh?

Boy, Melinda, I didn't see you run up there
and swing that wildcat by the tail or something.

Whose food was she sniffing so we could sneak past?

Boy, come on.

Hey, look.

What's the matter?

Shh.

They're opening up the grave, just like in the book.

Those drawings and Joe and Musk Potter.

The other one must be Dr. Robinson.

How could they be?

Mark Twain wrote that book a long time
ago, like maybe 30 years.

Yeah, Melinda.

And if they already k*lled Dr. Robinson,
how could he be alive again?

Maybe they didn't k*ll him very good.

Hey.

Look.

Those two guys are making that other guy get in the grave.

Boy, if they see us, we'll be next.

We can't just let them Bury that guy.

Shh.

If they see us, run!

Are you still eating?

Yeah, couldn't you find Chip?

No, but I've got an idea where he is.

Is Bub still taking a nap?

Yeah, he's all conked out.

Where do you think he is?

Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?

Well, yeah, that's the one where he gets
everybody to paint the fence.

Right, he also built a raft.

That's what Bub meant by a tabletop.

Remember when we caught Chip reading last night?

Yeah, you know, it was kind of sickening to see
him change from a little kid to one of those teenagers.

Where's the only river around here with
water and an island?

Over at Bolton.

Right, let's go.

Well, you don't need me to prove you're a detective.

Come on, Rob, Chip's liable to be in trouble.

Aren't you going to tell Bud?

No, he'll be in trouble for sure.

Come on, hurry up before they catch us.

So long, Linda.

You are the two terriblest chicken boys
I've ever met in my whole lifetime.

Besides, your dumb a*s won't float.

Come on, Ernie, let's get in the water.

Gee, I don't know.

I think it'll sink or something.

Boy, now you tell me.

I hope it sinks in quicksand, and you both get stuck.

And when you holler, I'll stand here and laugh.

Why don't you quit yelling, Melinda?

We're not going to leave you here.

You're not?

We're not?

No, now come on before they find out which way we went.

I wouldn't have flown on the river on that tabletop, kids.

We got them, mister.

There's some guys over there burying in another guy.

Yeah, and they've all seen them do it.

Now, don't worry.

I won't let them bother you.

Now, who are you?

I'm Becky.

That's Tom.

And that's Huckleberry.

Boy, Melinda.

Tom, Huck, and Becky.

And I'll bet anything that's Jackson's Island over there.

Wow.

Hey, yeah.

How'd you know?

Well, why wouldn't I know?

I'm Jim.

Hi, Jim.

Hi.

Now, look.

Let's check on those two men who are burying their friend.

Better be careful, mister.

I will.

Now, you follow close behind me.

That is, if you're coming.

I'm coming.

I'm not going back up there.

Me neither.

Except he said to stay close behind him.

Yeah, and it doesn't look so safe around
here anymore either.

Come on.

Okay.

Come on.

Hey, how come they didn't cover him up?

Because this looks like a ditch.

I don't think this is a grave at all.

You don't?

No.

But I can see how it might fool you.

Those men you saw were digging a ditch for
the water company.

Now, look at that sign.

Gee, heck no, mister.

This guy was making those other two guys
dig his grave, and then they made him get in it.

No, those other two... Oh.

Boy, are you guys dumb.

Oh, pardon me, dumb, after I saved your lives.

Hey, there.

They're coming back.

Oh, this is the most terrible day I've
ever spent in my whole life.

Hey.

Squirt.

Ah, it's just my brothers.

It's okay.

Hey, where you been?

We've been looking all over the place for you.

Hey, you guys, guess what?

We got attacked by a wildcat.

Yeah, and two guys were going to Bury
another guy, and that grave over there.

And I saved their lives.

You didn't save our lives.

Jim did.

All you did was yell.

Come on, you guys.

They want you to meet Jim.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Mike Douglas.

This is my brother, Robbie.

Hi.

How do you do?

I'm Jim Brooks from over at Bolton.

Your brother and his friends have had quite an adventure.

Yeah, sounds like it.

Well, thanks for helping them out.

Yeah, they're still in that stupid age.

Thanks a lot.

It's my pleasure.

Well, Tom?

Well, Becky, Huck, that's the end of our
little adventure until the next book.

That's Huckleberry Finn.

See you then.

No, I'm not a man.

That's a no.

Yeah, we saw that.

Some stupid no.

The point is, Chip, you misled Dad and Bob into thinking
you're going to the creek and then you went to the river.

And you could have gotten yourself
slaughtered down there, you nuthead.

What the heck?

Yeah, I have your brains examined.

Why don't you guys stop?

Why don't you guys stop yelling?

Dad does the punishing around here, not you guys.

Well, we figure if we bawl you out good
enough, maybe we won't have to tell Dad.

Are you no kidding?

Yeah, but only if you catch on that you
never better do anything this flaky again, Chip.

Boy, I won't, aren't I?

Well, you just... Oh, now here comes Dad.

If you've really got the message,
you don't have to say anything about it.

Boy, I got the message all right.

All you guys have been doing all the way home is yelling.

Yeah, and if we ever catch you listening
to that flaky little Ernie again...

Hi, fellas.

Oh, hi, boys.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Bub.

Well, Chip, how'd it go down the creek?

We got your note, and it made about as much
sense as me trying to paint a picture with a jelly donut.

Did you, uh, float your raft?

Yeah.

You did?

Yeah, down at the river.

Down at the river?

Do you mean you went over to Bolton?

Yeah, Dad.

I'm sorry.

Well, Bolton's five miles away.

Don't you realize how dangerous that is, Chip?

We told him.

We thought you were down at the river.

We thought you were down at the creek.

We told him.

Don't you understand we have to know where
you are at all times?

We covered that, too.

Well, sure, but you just can't do something
like this without getting punished for it.

You know that.

Yeah, that's taken care of, Dad.

Oh, how'd you take care of it?

Three days without television.

Well, I guess that's fair enough.

Well, make it four days.

I got a fight I want to see on Tuesday,
and that conflicts with one of his cartoons.

Oh, my God.

Well, okay, four days without television.

Is that agreed?

That's fair enough.

That's it.

Boy, that's all I need around here is four fathers.

Chip, you understand why we're doing this?

Sure, to make an impression on my mind.

Can I go now, Dad?

I want to get to the library before it closes.

I want to check out another book.

Okay, Chip, we're on our way.

You finished Tom Sawyer, hmm?

Well, yeah.

I'm going to read Huckleberry Finn now.

Huckleberry Finn?

Well, here we go again.

Huckleberry Finn.