09x06 - The Other Guy

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Oh, you are my sunshine.

You are my sunshine.

Oh, my only sunshine.

Hey, Rog.

I'm sure I just said, hey, Rog,
I felt the words trip off my tongue.

Sorry, Fonz, it's just I'm really into this book.

Oh, yeah?

What are you reading here?

Female psychology.

I read it.

Junk.

You've got girl problems, huh?

Yeah.

Well, Fonz, you know how it is when you
like a girl more than she likes you.

No.

Let me tell you something.

You've got some wonderful, you know, middle-class charm.

You just go right over there, you say, I like you so much.

Fonz, I can't.

You've got to, you've got to grab that bull by the antlers.

I'd like to, Fonz, but I don't want to be too presumptuous.

What?

Presumptuous.

Oh, yeah.

Look, let me ask you a question.

When you were up there at Yale, you know, playing
basketball, what did you do, ask permission to take a shot?

No.

So what pumped you up?

What made you a crazy man?

Well, Fonz, at Yale, we used to have this great cheer.

It went like this, right?

I'm dying to hear it.

Bulldog, bulldog, bow, wow, wow.

Be like Yale.

And the sun, the sun will be like, go through the line.

This is the sign we hail.

Bulldog, bulldog, bow, wow, wow.

Eli, Yale, Yale.

Fonz, I'll tell you what, Fonz.

I'm going to go tonight, and I'm going to be a crazy man.

Bulldog, bulldog.

Who's going to name a bulldog Eli, huh?

Come on, boy.

You can do it.

k*ll.

k*ll.

k*ll.

k*ll.

k*ll.

k*ll.

No, no.

No.

There's no major arteries there.

Hi, Mona.

Hi.

Roger, what a nice surprise.

I thought I'd be spontaneous.

You spontaneous?

Yeah.

If it works out, I might be spontaneous on a regular basis.

Well, this is my dad.

How do you do?

Call me Hank.

Right, Hank.

And this is Guts.

Don't mind him.

He's only vicious.

And big, and so are his teeth.

And listen, this dog loves me.

Let me show you.

Look, you make a fist.

Go on, make a fist.

Now, pretend to hit me.

Oh, don't worry.

You won't hurt me.

You won't even get near me.

Guts will tear your arm out of the socket
before you even stand.

Oh, see what I mean?

Oh, is that a face?

Come on, Guts.

Let's go get you some raw meat.

Come on, Guts.

You'll have to excuse my father.

Guts is like the son he never had.

You know, Mona, you look really pretty tonight.

And I really like that scarf.

Thank you.

Listen, I was thinking maybe we could go
over to my place tonight.

It's quiet.

We could talk without losing a limb.

Roger, I'm sorry.

I have a date tonight.

Yeah, you have a date?

Tonight?

On a school night?

Yeah, I'm just waiting for him to call me
so I'll know where to meet him.

He's not picking you up?

No, he never does.

I don't believe this, Mona.

I was worried about not calling you.

Roger, I'm really sorry about this.

Couldn't we make it another night?

Please?

I promise to muzzle Guts.

You let go.

That's your master's arm.

And my father, too.

Sorry,

Guts, I didn't know you hadn't read it yet.

Roger, I feel really bad about this, but I've got to run.

I hope you understand.

Oh, sure, I understand.

Johnny?

Right.

Oh, Johnny!

All right, look at this.

Tonight, after Gidget grows up, she goes Hawaiian.

Boy, she can do it all, can't she?

What's bugging you?

Nothing.

It's just I don't like to plan my social
calendar by the TV guide.

Chach.

Remember when we were first going out?

Every night we'd go to the movies or out to dinner.

Used to carve our initials in Jell-O.

Joanie, nobody can keep up that pace.

Movies, gifts, restaurants.

And have you seen the price of Jell-O lately?

You know, let me tell you something.

The nice part about finding the right person is that
you can just relax and enjoy each other's company.

Wanna bet?

Joanie and Chachi, would you mind bringing
in the rest of the groceries from the car?

Come on.

We're on our way, Mrs. C.

Hey, you see that?

We're going out.

Terrific.

Wish I had time to do my hair.

Your hair looks great.

Nice.

Oh, Roger, all the way home you didn't say a word.

Is something the matter?

It's just girl trouble, Aunt Marion.

Then you should talk to Uncle Howard.

Uncle Howard?

Did you know that I married Howard because
of his passionate nature?

And then what happened?

Oh, no, it's true.

As I can prove it to you, I'm going to
show you something that I haven't shown.

No, I shouldn't.

Yes, I will.

Now, Roger, I don't want you to tell
anybody that I showed you this.

Right, Aunt Marion, your secret's safe with me.

We wouldn't want anybody to know that you
have one of those.

Okay.

These are Howard's love letters.

The ones that he wrote to me when he was a
cook in the army.

Sit down.

Oh, right.

Are you ready?

Ready.

Because this is going to flip your switch.

Oh, this is one of my favorites.

To my foo-foo butter duck.

You see, he used to call me that
because of... Well, never mind.

Oh, Marion, oh, Marion, your name is like a clarion.

A call to love.

A call to sing.

Born to earth on angels' wings.

Impossible to render due the reverence I owe to you.

My heart is servant to your eyes.

I wait upon them with my sighs.

The distance from your fiery hair is how I
trace the word despair.

I draw my life from your sweet voice,
which leaves my trembling heart no choice

but to propose unbended knee and plead
your mercy to such as me.

Just one more thought.

Just one more line for you to ponder on my mind.

Remember, I your poopsie am.

You will be my cunning ham.

Marion, what are you doing?

It's all right.

It's only Roger and Chachi and Joanie and
Lori Beth and Arthur.

Marion, how could you?

You promised me you'd never show those lines.

I don't give letters to anyone.

Oh, Howard, it's been 25 years.

I figured that by now you would not.

A promise is a promise.

Well, I'll swear everybody to secrecy.

Let's have a show of hands here.

Get it.

Oh, Howard, see, they are so beautiful.

I didn't think he'd mind.

Now, this one is.

Marion.

Oh, thanks for coming, poopsie.

Poopsie.

Poopsie.

All right, Fonz.

Now, Wyatt, listen.

The baby asked about me today.

Oh, Fonz, all he says is ga-ga-goo-goo.

Hey, did you have the little leather booties I bought him?

Oh, he ate one.

He's on solid food.

I gotta run.

All right, take it easy, huh?

Bye-bye, Lloyd.

Hey, Fonz, how about some of that coffee?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Fonz, listen, can I talk to you for a little bit?

I'd like some advice on a personal problem.

Oh, absolutely, but I gotta talk to Roger first, all right?

Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

I'll wait.

Sure, fine, I won't.

Listen, Roger, make it snappy,
because I gotta date myself, you know?

Right.

So, from what you tell me, it sounds
pretty good with this girl.

I mean, you got good going out of the
gate, you got overtaken on the turn.

Well, yeah, I mean, I was kissing her.

The phone rings, some other guy's calling,
next thing I know, she's out the door like a shot.

She likes you, she runs after him,
there's a reason for that.

What?

I'm thinking.

All right, she runs after this guy.

Of course.

She likes the guy who takes charge,
you gotta lay down the law.

You lay down the law, she'll run after you, huh?

You gotta go after him.

Chachi, lock up for me, will you?

Why don't you do yourself a favor and go and call her?

I don't know, Fonz.

Come on, come on, come on, call her on
my phone right here in your office, all right?

All right, I'll give it a shot.

Of course.

Of course.

Look at this, nobody cleans up here in the world.

What a beautiful scarf.

Mona.

Mona.

Excuse me, I have to powder my nose.

Why don't you powder everything to shine?

I don't know.

Fonz, the phone's busy.

All right, look, you gotta give it some time.

Go back in there and try it again, please.

All right, one more time.

Thank you.

Sheesh.

I forgot my purse.

Hey, allow me.

Fonz?

Fonz?

Yeah?

My father said she's out.

She's probably with that other guy having a great time.

Will you please call her?

Will you please get this other guy off your mind?

He's probably some wimp with a crew cut and a beaded belt.

You're right, Fonz.

You're right.

Look, I guess I'll just go home because I'm
more comfortable calling from my house anyway.

Absolutely.

Yeah, go home, relax, take a shower.

She'll come.

She'll come.

See you, Fonz.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Fonzie.

More, more, more, more, more, more, more, more.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Action.

I'll get you for this, Deputy.

Reaction.

Action.

Reaction.

Action.

Reaction.

And furthermore, an object in motion tends
to stay in motion.

I am a police officer sworn to uphold the law.

Deputy Barney Fife, upholding the laws of physics.

Watch The Andy Griffith Show weeknights.

Only on TV Land.

For the first time ever, a two-CD best-of
collection from the Eagles.

Eagles, the very best of.

One of these nights.

One of these crazy old nights.

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, winch a woman.

She got the moon in her eye.

I can't tell you why.

This unprecedented career-spanning
Eagles collection highlights



Welcome to the Hotel California.

Such a lovely place.

Such a lovely place.

Such a lovely place.

Johnny, come lately.

Eagles, the very best of, includes a 48-page booklet.

Order now and receive a limited-edition bonus DVD featuring

rare backstage footage and
their new video, Hole in the World.

There's a hole in the world tonight, the.

World tomorrow.

This incredible digitally remastered
collection, Eagles, the very best of,

is the only Eagles collection to span their entire career.

You get the best.

To order Eagles, the very best of,
have your credit card ready and call the.

Only $24.98 plus $4.95 shipping and handling.

Order now and receive your limited-edition bonus DVD.

Plus, we'll send you a customized CD opener.

Order now.

Now, rush delivery available.

You said I was sorry about the letters, Howard.

Why are you still upset?

Marion, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, you'd Cherish
those letters for the rest of your life, wouldn't you?

Oh, why shouldn't I?

They're just, they're full of sentiment and love.

Yes, they are.

They're letters only you could write.

No, they're not.

I didn't write them.

Of course you did.

They're all signed, Love, Howard.

Do you remember my army buddy, Leslie Ellingsworth?

He used to write poetry for the army paper.

And now he writes for the Munsters.

He wrote those letters for me, Marion.

Well, I feel like such a fool.

But I married you because of those letters.

I Cherish those letters.

Our marriage is based on lies.

It's not all lies.

It was my stationery.

I'll get it.

It's probably Chachi coming over to watch TV.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, my goodness, they're beautiful.

You still bring out the romance in my heart.

Oh, Chachi came through after all.

Come in.

Oh, hi.

This is great.

What a welcome.

I think I'm going to come in again.

And now for the thank you.

Oh, Chachi, they're beautiful.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

What?

The flowers you sent me, they're gorgeous.

Come on, Joanie, how could I send you these?

These must have cost 20 bucks.

I should have known they weren't from you.

You'd send a TV guide.

Well, what kind of creep would send
flowers to another guy's girl?

The kind of creep that knows how to make a
girl feel special.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah.

Well, let me tell you something.

Anybody can be a creep if they've got money.

But, Marion, I was young.

I had no confidence.

I couldn't think of words good enough for you.

Oh, it's all right, Howard.

Look on the bright side.

Now you don't have to worry if you get hit by a bus.

I know I won't.

Women.

Boy, if I've got a girl who's making my life miserable.

Who cares?

You call her?

Uh, Fonz, actually, I haven't.

You haven't called her, huh?

Will you get on this phone right now?

What am I going to say?

I'll tell you.

You're going to say, look, I'm crazy about
you, you're crazy about me.

Let's cut out the games.

Here you go.

Dial.

You're right, Fonz.

That's right.

You're absolutely right.

I always am.

Bulldog, bulldog.

All right, look, you want me bad,
I know it and you know it, right?

So look, drop this other guy, be at my
place in a half an hour.

Right.

What'd she say?

Drop dead.

All right, so your phone personality needs a little help.

Kid, grab your coat, let's go.

What are we going to do?

You're going to this girl's house and I'm going with you.

Let's go.

All right.

All right, guys.

But the next time the mailman comes,
we're going to give him a real scare.

I can't wait either.

Come in.

Hey, Hank.

It's my friend Fonzie.

Well, that's just great.

Now I'm going to have to train him again.

Let me ask you a question.

Is your daughter around?

Yeah.

I'll call her for you.

Okay, thanks.

Mona!

Mona?

Yeah, Mona.

Mona.

You two know each other?

You two know each other?

You two know each other.

I hope this isn't what I think it is.

I think this is exactly what you think it is.

Fonz, how could you do this to me?

Hey, I was just doing it.

I didn't know I was doing it to you.

Fonz, that is my girl.

What am I supposed to do every time I meet
a nice young lady, call you up and check in?

Fonz, I am serious about this girl.

Hey, if you're going to cry over your Buster
Browns, I can bow-wow-wow, you know?

You like, yeah, right?

Hey, that's great.

All right there, Roggie.

She's all yours, huh, Mona?

All yours.

Uh, gentlemen, why don't you just gift wrap me?

It's not your decision who I go out with, it's mine.

You know, the young lady is right.

So sorry, Roggie.

Wait a minute, Fonz.

What do you mean, so sorry, Roggie?

Fonz, how do you know she wasn't going to pick me?

That's right, if you're going to dream, dream big.

Roger, I'm sorry, but to tell you the
truth, I can't go out with either one of you.

It would make this situation very awkward.

I'd feel self-conscious after this.

Thanks, Fonz.

Thanks for helping me lose my girl.

You know, your behavior has been crass.

Yes, overbearing and repugnant.

When I get to a dictionary, you're in trouble.

I can't believe this, you know that?

I come over here to help you with your
girl, and what do I get?

Insults and infections, hurls.

Hey, fellas, you're friends, remember?

What are you talking about, friends?

You see a friend of mine in here?

I see a crass, overweight Republican, too.

Roger, I'm really sorry about all this.

Sure, Mona, right.

You know, Mona, there's a few things I'd
like to say to you first.

Which I'll just write down on a small letter.

Guts will call you.

Just as quickly as a cold comes on,
Theraflu is there to take it on.

Ready to warm you, soothe you, immediately.

And now that you know relief is on the
way, let the day begin.

Theraflu.

There's more to protecting your family this
winter than making sure they're dressed warmly.

You've got to make sure they're protected at home as well.

And no one helps protect families better than ADT.

A single ADT system can help protect your home
and family from burglary, fire, and carbon monoxide.

Call now and take advantage of ADT's holiday special.

You could even save up to 20% off your
homeowner's insurance.

And you may qualify for zero-down
financing for installation.

But you better hurry.

ADT.

Always there.

This new year, lose weight and save money.

With Net Zero High Speed, you can surf the
web up to five times faster than standard dial-up.

Why wait for expensive DSL or cable?

Get Net Zero High Speed now for just
$14.95 a month at netzero.com.

Dear Aunt Gladys, thank you for the tube socks, for the
earmuffs, the piggyback, the big sweater, for Turkey tux.

Didn't get what you wanted for the holidays?

No, no, just... Then go and get what you really want.

Bruce Almighty.

Buy it on DVD and video today.

Get to Kohl's at 7 A.M.

Friday for our biggest after-Christmas
sale and clearance ever.

We've slashed prices with up to 60% savings store-wide.

Plus, you'll receive a $10 reward for
every $50 in purchases.

Don't miss Kohl's after-Christmas sale and clearance.

Kohl's.

Give happy, get happy.

Kids drink Ovaltine with milk for its rich
chocolate taste, but why do adults?

Ovaltine's chock-filled with 17 vitamins and minerals.

Less quick powder doesn't come close.

Whatever your age, there are great nutritional
reasons to drink rich chocolate Ovaltine.

My Ovaltine, please!

Introducing Remington's new titanium smart system.

The only shaver that combines the
sharpness of titanium-coated blades with

the technology to automatically clean itself.

It could just make all other shavers obsolete.


pharmacy with some cold weather tips for your pets.

To minimize risk of infestation,
it's important to keep your pet on both

heartworm and flea and tick prevention all year long.

Also, colder weather can mean painful
bones and stiff joints.

Supplements such as Cosaquin will help
keep pets active and pain-free.

Finally, your veterinarian should examine
your pet once a year.


guaranteeing the lowest price with free shipping.

Order online or call now.

Where do you get your pet's flea,
tick, and heartworm medications?

I have to get to the vet's office.

I saved a visit to my vet's office.

I didn't have to leave home.

I just called 1-800-PETMEDS and my pet's
medications are delivered right to my door.


on all your pet's medications.

Order now and receive free shipping.

Yo, oh, hey.

Mr. C, you got one of them things you put half
an hour in John, you squeeze it into oblivion?

You mean a juicer, Fonzie?

Yeah, that's right.

It's in the top right-hand drawer, dear.

Thanks very much.

Oh, Fonzie.

Look, I'm glad I found you.

Look, Fonzie, I had all night to think
about what happened over Mona's and,

well, I guess when I saw that you were
dating Mona also, I, uh, I got a little crazy.

A little crazy?

There's a rip in your marble bag.

Ha, ha, ha.

I guess I was just head over heels over this girl.

Well, I will discount some of them very
rude things you said to me because it's

very hard to think with your head over your heels, right?

Ha, ha, ha.

I appreciate that, Fonzie.

Yeah.

Man, I guess it was a very rough night for you.

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, Rog, I know that, uh, you thought this
Mona was Miss Right, you know, and wasn't in the cars.

There are millions of girls in this naked city.

She just isn't one of them.

Yeah.

I'll take you upstairs.

I'll make you some orange juice, little vitamins, huh?

I'd like that.

All right.

Well, Fonz, you know, you really didn't do
anything to hurt me on purpose.

In fact, in fact, you tried to help.

And besides, no woman, I don't
care how sexy, how beautiful,

or how desirable she is, is worth breaking up a friendship.

I wouldn't say that.

Anyway.

Oh, Joanie, did you ever find out who sent
you those flowers?

Nope.

So far, my secret admirer is still a secret.

I know who it is.

You do?

Dad, is it cute?

Why?

Your mother used to think so.

Well, who is it?

Me.

You?

You sent Joanie flowers?

No, Marion, I sent you flowers.

Joanie intercepted them.

Oh, Dad, this is really embarrassing.

Why did you let me think that they were for me?

Well, if I saw how happy you were,
I didn't want to spoil things for you.

Well, I guess these are for you.

You still bring out the romance in my heart.

Howard.

Did you write this?

Yes.

Well, I had a little help from the sales lady.

Howard.

Look, Marion, those love letters were
Leslie Ellingsworth's words.

I wish they were mine.

I wish I could have written them.

They were my feelings, but I just couldn't
write things like that.

I was never any good at that sort of thing.

But I have tried to live them.

You have?

You have.

And what you just said is better than
anything Leslie Ellingsworth ever wrote.

Hi.

These are for you.

Up next, Bobby falls in love with Mary
from Little House on the Prairie.

If they got married and started a new show, a
good name would be Little Brady on the Prairie.

Stay tuned for episode 99, Never Too
Young, coming up next on TV Land.

Tell them we're Oh baby These have happy days.