11x18 - So How Was Your Weekend?

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

No, Miss C!

All right, listen up, listen up.

I got gas in the car, I got your bags in the trunk.

You're ready to go under the river and
over the forest there to see your grandma.

Have a great weekend, all right?

There's just one more thing I have to do
before we can leave.

What's that?

I have to tell your father that we're
gonna be gone for the weekend.

He don't know?

Mrs. C, you know how he hates to be alone.

I know, but he hates my mother a great deal more.

Mom, can you blame him?

I mean, she trained her cat to attack him.

He was an actor.

It was an accident.

Mom, she rubbed tuna fish all over his throat.

All right, Marion.

What is so important that I had to
interrupt taking inventory down at the store?

Well, can't Potsie do that for you?

Are you kidding?

Potsie counts a pair of scissors as two.

Uh, Joanie, we better get out of the ring.

Oh, yes.

Okay, ding.

You know, Howard, you know that Mother
Kelp is moving, and we've all got to go

down there this weekend and help her close up.

Marion, you're not going to get me to go down
there, not as long as she's got that cat in the house.

No, Howard, you don't have to go.

Joanie and I could go.

You mean I don't have to go?

No, dear.

Oh, that's fine, sweetheart.

You take my car, you take my daughter,
as long as you don't take me.

Goodbye, Fonz.

All right, Dad, I'll give Grandma a kiss for you, okay?

Great.

You've had all your shots.

Okay, now, dear, listen, I've labeled all
the food in the fridge.

Now, for heaven's sakes, Howard, this time take
five minutes and defrost a little bit before you eat it.

Bye.

One time I ate frozen chicken and she's never forgotten.

You're gonna be alone all weekend, you sly little devil.

Yeah, I hate to be alone.

You don't have to be alone, Mr. C.

We can have a lot of fun together.

Oh, no, no, Fonzie.

I'm not allowed to have that kind of fun.

I'm not talking about that kind of fun.

Guys stuff.

We could be together.

We could play poker, go bowling, you know, snap towels.

Poker?

You know, I used to play poker all the time in the army.

Boy, those German POWs, could they play poker.

But of course, when they won, we took the
money back from them.

So listen, I'll set the game up, all right?

Just be a bunch of guys sitting around scratching and
eating and betting and swearing and chewing and playing.

Oh, how disgusting.

Yeah.

Hi, Grandpa.

There she is.

Oh, look at you, Joanie.

You're turning into a beautiful young lady.

Oh, thanks, Grace.

Grandma.

And you, Marion, what have you done to yourself?

Well, I am kind of wearing my hair different.

Are you putting on weight or are you shrinking?

I haven't gained a pound in eight years.

Oh, it must be that baggy dress.

What took you so long to get here?

Did Herman try to talk you out of coming?

Mother, it's Howard.

Who?

Howard was thrilled that we were coming
and the reason we are late is because we

stopped at Paula's Pies to get you something.

Paula's Pies?

You went 30 miles out here, anyway, just for me?

Oh, Mother.

You're worth it.

Boysenberry?

Well, the neighbors will enjoy this.

Oh, Mother, we brought it for you.

Boysenberry's stained my dentures and
nobody likes an old lady with blue teeth.

I'm sorry, I forgot about your dentures.

Well, that's all right, Marion.

You were supposed to go with me when I got
them, but oh, no, you were busy.

I was in labor with Joanie.

I'm sorry.

It wasn't your fault.

Wasn't your fault, Angel?

Well, I think it's going very well, dear.

Mom, she's done nothing but criticize you
since we got here.

Oh, no, she's right.

I forgot about her dentures, and I could
have worn a more attractive dress.

Mom, stop.

Well, I put on some water for the teeth.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, I tell you, running this place is a full-time job.

I'll be so glad to leave here.

Well, Mother, now, you don't have to worry about a thing.

Joanie is going to run the garage sale.

Yeah, Grandma.

And I'm going to take care of everything else.

I'm going to take care of everything else.

I heard you, Marion.

Oh, you look at all these great old records, huh, Laura?

Oh, look at these.

Oh, look at how old they are.

Oh, Mother, here's one you'll remember.

Look at this.

See that?

Oh, yes.

She used to love it when I did this little
song and dance to that.

Really?

Oh, do it.

Do it, Marion.

Oh, I haven't done that in years.

Oh, I don't want to do it.

No, I'll do it.

No, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'm a good ship, Molly.

Lollipop, it's me, yeah.

No, Marion, you never did do that right.

Now, watch, watch.

On the good ship, lollipop, it's me, yeah.

Where the bum bum play on the sunny beach
at Peppermint Bay.

You never did do that right.

Okay, we got the chips, we got the cards, let's play poker.

All right, it's my deal, the first game will be five-card
draw, Jacks are better open, everybody ante a dime.

All righty, hot dog, I've been waiting a
long time for a good poker game.

I just have one question.

Yes, how do you play?

What?

I've never played poker before.

Oh, give me a break.

Oh, come on, fellas, give me a sporting chance.

I really want to play poker.

I want to learn how to play poker.

You see, it figures so prominently in the
literature of the American West.

Oh, sure, that's what drew me to the game.

Look, I happen to have a very good card sense.

I was the inter fraternity bridge champion at Yale.

Wow.

You guys believe this?

A grown man, he can't even play poker.

Yeah.

What did you do at Yale?

Stay out all night long, get drunk, and go rowing?

I'll tell you something, I'll bet he's got a
sewing machine in his apartment, right?

He does!

He does!

That is it!

Why'd you drop your hat?

It's not a hat, it's a visor.

It's a visor.

All right, look, I'm sick and tired of being made
to feel ignorant just because I'm well-educated.

For four years now, I have
been the butt of your silly little

jokes, and I'm not going to
stand for it for one more second!

And I dare anybody in this room to row a
straight line when you're drunk.

Come on, Roger, come back here, will you?

Rog, Rog, Rog!

Roger!

Rog, come here.

Ponce, don't get yourself into a tinge.

All right?

Park it to the pipe.

Fonz, don't placate me.

I wasn't placating you, I was making you feel better.

Listen, this is guy stuff.

We're just joshing with you.

Yeah, look, if it make you feel any
better, Roger, no more jokes about Yale,

or how you dress, or how you talk, okay?

All right, no more jokes.

No more, no more.

Unless you've really got a good one.

All right.

Now look, Rog, here's how it works.

Two pair beat a pair.

Three of a kind beat two pair.

Straight beats three of a kind.

A flush beats a straight.

A full house beats a flush.

Four of a kind beats a full house.

And a straight flush beats four of a kind.

You understand that?

Good.

Because if you don't understand that, you
could lose a lot of... I'll open for a quarter.

I've just finished just about all the
chores on Mother's List.

Well, dear, looks like you've done a
wonderful job with this garage sale.

Yeah, people are buying Grandma's junk
like it was buried treasure.

Oh, Mom, you know that I actually got... I got $15 for
that awful vase that was sitting up here on the mantel.

What?

You sold that vase for $15?

Well, I tried to get $20, but they wouldn't budge.

Was it antique?

Was it valuable?

Was Grandpa Kelp in it?

Oh, Joanie, no, dear.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, Joanie, your great-great-uncle Hedrick
brought that vase all the way from Sweden.

We've had that for 200 years in the family.

Oh, my God.

You're just going to hate me.

Oh, Mom, I did it.

Oh, she'll never believe that.

Oh, I've got to get it back.

Now, who bought that vase?

Who?

Yeah, it started with me out there.

Who?

Larson.

His last name was Larson, Mom.

Oh, good.

Thank you, dear.

Now, have you got his address?

No, I didn't get that.

But how many Larsons could there be, Mom?

Joanie, this is Larsonville.

Be careful.



Still rich for my blood.

What is it?

All right, partner.

Well, I'll see your 50 cents, and I'll bump your 50.

Did I say that right, Fonz?

Oh, yeah, Tex.

That was great.

I call.

What do you got?

Queens.

Three lovely ladies.

Oh, sh**t.

I just have two pairs.

Oh, finally.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

What?

Roger.

What?

You've got two pairs of eights.

That's four eights.

Oh, I guess I just got confused because
the Jack was in the middle.

Yes, I won again.

Way to go.

You make me proud to have you in the family.

Sure.

Proud to have him in the family.

What's that you said?

Nothing.

Oh, wait a minute.

You started to say something.

No, forget it.

Roger, your deal.

You're a sore loser.

All right, Fonz, give me the other deck, will you?

I'll shuffle.

All right, guys.

We're going to play five cards draw.

Deuces, Jacks, sevens, and fours are wild.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

What?

Nine of a kind to win that hand.

They're just deuces.

That's great, that's great.

Here we go.

One, one, one, one, two, two, two,
two, three, three, three.

You ruined this.

No, I think everybody has the same amount of cards.

You know, everything was fine between me and Joanie until we
moved back down here and you poisoned her mind against me.

Chachi, Chachi, let it go, will you?

We're here to play, not to pour salt on a dead horse.

No, no.

No, you just wait a minute.

Now, this young man has accused me of
brainwashing my daughter, and I think I deserve a rebuttal.

Go ahead.

You're dumber than I thought.

All right, that's it.

Cash in my chips.

You mean chip.

Oh, great.

Now I've lost count.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Come on, Roger.

How many times have you been doing this?

Why don't you sit there?

All right, hold.

Everybody to your neutral corners.

All right?

The pizza's here.

Just calm down.

I never said one word to Joanie.

Sure, and you'd skip a meal.

Hey, thank you so much, Chachi.

Hi.

Thank you.

So, how much do I owe you for this pizza?

Five bucks.

Five bucks.

One, two, three, four, five.

There you go.

That's for the pizza.

This is for your time.

I think I tipped her too much.

You see that?

You know what the problem is?

We're all getting crabby here because our
little tummies are grumbling.

Yeah, all right.

Now, let's see.

Chachi, Roger, you owe me a dollar.

Mr. C, two dollars.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Why do I have to pay twice as much as them?

Because you held your breath until we ordered mushrooms.

Everybody's eating it.

Everybody should pay the same thing.

I can't very well pick them off.

They're melting in with the cheese.

Yeah.

Mr. C, could I see you over here for a second, please?

What's the matter?

Don't you think it's a little bit too much?

It's a little small to quibble over like a dollar.

Small?

Yeah.

Me?

Yeah.

The man who kept your rent down to $55 a
month for six years?

If that bothered you so much, why didn't
you bring it up before?

Because it didn't bother me until I found
out that you're making more money than I am.

I do?

Yeah.

And you know why?

No, why?

Because you're only paying $55 a month rent.

Who fixes your car for free?

Who fixes your roof for free?

Who gets this car for free?

Who fixes meals for free?

Hey, talk about meals you wouldn't eat
unless I fixed your oven for free.

Come on, money is such an ugly subject.

Remember what Thomas Aquinas said?

Put a sock in it, blondie.

Sure, you're just mad because I'm the big winner.

Yeah, well, let's play because I'm the big loser.

You got that right.

Oh, sure, throw it in my face.

I'm not good enough for your daughter, huh?

Well, let me tell you something.

I'm glad that a biker makes more money than you do.

Oh, yeah?

Yes.

At least that biker's working.

Hey, all you guys do is sit around and argue.

There's two parts of that.

One what?

You call me a biker, I'm going to remember that.

Now, let me tell you something.

We came here to play.

Now, I say stop fighting and let's have fun.

One, one.

Give me two.

Oh, sh*t.

Look.

I'm going to put in an extra dollar to cover it.

The mushrooms.

Here's five dollars for the rent.

Just to see the mushrooms.

They weren't that bad.

Thanks, Chachi.

I want you to know, Chachi, you're the only boyfriend
that Joanie ever brought home that didn't turn my stomach.

Thanks, Mr. Cunningham.

You know, we're having a beautiful moment here.

Bad.

All right, all right.

Now, listen, I'd like to bet a dollar,
but I have a question first.

What's that?

Well, if you're dealt a full house,
do you have to draw a card?

Fold, fold.

Fold.

Wait a minute, you don't have a full house.

No, I was just asking.

Mom.

Mom.

Mom.

Ice,

what happened to you?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing much.

I went to every Larson in town.

Most of them were really very nice, except
one was a fireman with a real mean streak.

Oh, but the important thing is I got it.

You got it.

I got it.

Oh, Marion, what happened to you?

Been playing in the sprinklers again?

Well, since you weren't here to help, I just
went ahead and moved some things by myself.

I think I ruptured a disc.

Oh, I'll be all right in a month or two.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mother.

I'll just stand.

Well, listen, Mother, you know, we had this big
mix-up in the sale, and Uncle Hendrick's vase was sold.

Yeah, it was my fault, Grandma.

I'm sorry.

Marion, you should have been watching.

That vase has been in the family for 200 years.

Well, it's all right, Mother, because I got it back.

You did?

Yeah, I got it back, yeah.

I looked all over town.

What do you think of that?

Oh, I've forgotten how ugly that vase is.

I should have thrown that vase away years ago.

Oh, you mean that... that I spent $100 to
buy back this vase and you don't even like it?

Who told you to?

Go ahead, take that piece of junk and give
it to the Goodwill.

I was all over town.

I got hosed down by a wacko fireman, and
you want me to give this vase to the Goodwill?

Why not?

I know a very good place to put this vase.

Oh, fine, fine, fine.

Now I have nothing to remember my beloved Uncle Hedrick by.

Joanie, pack up our things.

We're leaving.

Right now.

Why does she hate me so much?

No matter how hard I try, I never can do anything right.

Mom, here.

Dry yourself off.

Oh.

Mom, I've been thinking.

Remember the fuss you made the first time
I went shopping without you?

What?

Well, that was just so you wouldn't spend
your money so foolishly.

And I was right.

You still haven't used that paper bathing suit.

Oh, wasn't it more than that?

I mean, deep down inside, weren't you a little hurt
because I didn't need you to pick out my clothes anymore?

Oh, I suppose so.

Well, think how Grandma feels.

You don't need her to pick out your clothes
or cook your meals or bandage your knee.

All you need now is for her to approve of you.

Huh.

I guess so, yeah.

Well, maybe Grandma's afraid if she gives
you that, you won't need her anymore.

She'll lose you.

All I want to do is to hear her say that I
am a terrific woman.

A terrific daughter.

Well, she may not ever say that, Mom, but you are.

You're a terrific wife and mother.

Oh, and by the way, we all think you look
great in that blue dress.

Joanie, you are a terrific daughter.

Listen, I'm going to get you a towel to dry off.

Oh, sh**t, I sold them.

I'll find something else.

Mother, will you come out here?

Yes, Marion?

Something else you want to smash?

Oh, now, Mother, I was wrong.

I was wrong to break Uncle Hendrick's
vase, and I apologize.

But that still doesn't change the fact that
sometimes you are just a horse's patoot.

Oh, Marion Kell, I will not stand here and
listen to such trash.

It's Marion Cunningham, wife of Howard
Cunningham, and you are not going anywhere.

We are going to talk.

You and me now sit.

You and I just have to discuss some things.

Now, you know that I love you, but I won't
let you go on treating me this way anymore.

And if you can't change, I'm not going to come back.

Remember when I was eight years old?

I did so well in a test.

You made me some cookies.

Chocolate chip.

That's right.

They were chocolate chip.

They made me feel so important and so wanted.

Well, mother, it was a long time ago, and I'm
still waiting for you to give me another cookie.

I'm glad you came to help, dear.

Really?

I'm always glad.

When you come.

Well, why don't you tell me that?

Marion, you come to visit, and I want to say something
nice, and then I open my mouth and something else comes out.

But I guess I just want to know that you still need me.

Mother, we are always going to need each other.

Oh, Marion.

I love you so much.

Oh, Mother.

And I love you so much.

And I know that you also love Howard.

Mother.

Goodbye, grey sky, hello, blue.

Hello, blue.

Because you can't hold me when I hold you.

I hold you.

It ain't so right.

It can't be wrong, we're rockin' in the
room, oh, it's gone.

These days are ours, share them with me.

These days are ours, happy and clean.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days!