05x14 - The In-Law Whammy

[bunniefuu]

Mr. Morrison's coming to Bryant Park.

Wow, how about that?

This'll fracture, Mike.

I better tell Dad.

Yeah, who's Mr. Morrison?

If you don't know who he is, how come you got all excited?

Well, you were excited.

I just didn't want to sound dumb.

He happens to be one of the most famous
archaeologists in the world.

What's an archaeologist?

An archaeologist is a guy who digs up
relics from the past, rocks and stuff.

You mean like me and Ernie?

I'm Sally's father, and that's going to
make him Mike's father-in-law.

That I understand.

Hey, Dad, are you up there?

Yeah, I'm up here in my room.

Hey, wait till you see this.

What's up?

Take a look at this.

Well, Thomas Morrison, huh?

That's so.

It's Dad.

Yeah, I know, Chip.

Imposing-looking fellow, isn't he?

Yeah.

How come he digs up rocks and it's a big
deal, and I dig them up and it's a mess?

You know, Sally told me that her father's
devoted his life to uncovering ancient civilizations.

He brought out evidences of the Etruscans, the
Phoenicians, the Babylonians, and even of ancient China.

They're in the leading museums all over the world.

Can you imagine having to face a father-in-law like this?

Has Mike met him yet?

No, he's been in Guatemala the past two years.

I've never met him either.

Boy, he's kind of scary.

He doesn't scare me.

I can talk rocks with him.

Hey, anybody home?

We're up here in Dad's room, Mike.

Now, let's not make a big thing out of this.

It's tough enough to meet your future father-in-law.

Hey, what's the big family conference for?

We're talking about some guy who digs up rocks.

Oh, you mean Sally's father?

Yeah, he's coming here to meet me.

He'll be here tomorrow.

Oh.

Well, you seem pretty calm about the whole thing, Mike.

Calm?

Why shouldn't I be?

Well, I can remember the first time your
mother took me to meet Bub.

How about that?

Bub was your father-in-law.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bub started bellowing, and I choked up.

I couldn't even talk.

You know how Bub is, pretty overpowering.

He was even worse in those days.

Well, Sally says that Mr. Morrison's very easy to talk to.

Oh, that's fine.

Now, will you fellas get out of here?

I have to finish these papers and get them
out to the airbase tomorrow.

A whole page of pictures from all over the world.

Yeah.

Tom Morrison must be quite a fella.

I'm looking forward to meeting him when I get back.

In the airbase.

Well, Steve, you know my hobby is archaeology.

Yes, I know.

Well, I belong to the Parthenon Club, and we're
having our annual formal dinner Monday night.

And I was hoping you could get Mr.
Morrison to come as our guest of honor.

We want to make him an honorary member.

Well, Mark, as I say, I've never met him,
but, well, I'll certainly do what I can.

Well, of course, you and Mike are invited, too.

Oh, wonderful.

Hey, I didn't know Tom Morrison discovered
this Mayan temple.

Honey, stop pacing.

Well, don't let this picture frighten you.

My father isn't some sort of a dragon.

Of course he's not.

Of course he's not.

Dad is the sweetest, most easygoing man in the world.

Sure he is.

There he is.

How long has it been?

So good to see you.

Thank you, Diggle.

Lovely to have you.

Thank you.

Dad, this is Mike.

Oh.

Hi, sir.

Sir.

So nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well, Mike.

Sally's written me so much
about you and your... Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes.

Come on in.

Let me take your... Oh!

Oh.

Sorry.

Didn't quite have a hold of it, sir.

No, it's all right.

It's just my little toe.

Oh, Sally, would you mind?

I'm going to be careful.

It's very bad.

Here, I'll take your coat.

Yes.

Oh.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I thought that was unbuttoned.

That's quite all right.

Well, here, Mr. Morrison, let me take this over here.

Oh, may I?

Thank you, my dear.

My, what a charming and attractive apartment you have.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh, by the way, Sally, here's a little
something that I dug up.

If you'll pardon the pun.

Yes, I am.

It's a very unusual artifact.

I don't suppose this sort of thing
interests you very much, does it, Mike?

Oh, yes.

I mean, Sally.

I'm sorry.

Oh, don't worry, honey.

Dad has loads of those things, don't you, Dad?

Oh, yes, yes.

Well, let's everybody just relax.

You two sit down and get acquainted.

I'll get some coffee.

Oh, my grandfather has some marvelous glue, sir.

Maybe I can fix that.

Yes, I'm sure.

I'm sure you can.

All right.

Let me light your cigarette for you.

The person.

Can make the dinner.

Yeah, well, I tell you, Mark, why don't you give me
the dope on when and what time it's going to be and...

Well, it's the Oak Room.

Oh, wait, I better write it down.

Don't forget.

The Oak Room, Bryant Park Hotel, Monday, 8 O'clock.

That's black tie.

Black tie.

Okay, now, I'll work on it.

And the minute I find out anything, I'll call you.

And if you can go away, we'll make arrangements.

Maybe you can pick us up or something.

Fine, Steve.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, fine.

All right, bye-bye.

Okay, bye-bye.

Well, it wouldn't have spilled on him if
you hadn't tripped.

I told you I could have carried the tray myself.

No, you couldn't have, honey.

Not the way you were limping.

I wouldn't have been limping if you hadn't
stepped on my foot when you walked in.

Mike, what's the matter with you?

I don't know.

I was all right till I met your father and
shook hands with him.

And somehow I couldn't stop shaking his hand.

Dad, are you all right?

Yes, thank you, dear.

The water went fine.

It's a pristine right out.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that, sir.

Oh, it's just an ordinary lounging jacket
that I received from the Emperor of Japan.

And I don't know what to say about the figurine.

Oh, don't let it worry you, my boy.

It's not as if you were the only one in the world.

After all, there is one more, you know,
in the British Museum.

Now, what were you asking about this evening?

Oh, well, we would love for you and Sally
to come over and have dinner.

Dinner with us?

Bub thought it would be a good chance for
you to meet my father and the rest of the family.

Yes, that's fine, fine.

I should meet your father before the wedding.

After all, we'd look a little silly shaking hands and
saying hello as we walk down the aisle, wouldn't we?

Well, that's great.

I'll just call him right now.

Well, I'll meet you, huh?

Thank you.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Bye, Mike.

We'll see you tonight.

Sally, are you sure it's love, not pity?

It's just nervous.

You overwhelmed him.

Yes, well, I anticipated a little bit of awkwardness,
but I hardly expected the last days of Pompeii.

Now, look, Sally... Dad, the worst is over.

Now, wait till you see him tonight.

In his own home, he'll be perfectly calm and relaxed.

Where's Bub?

He's dressing.

Are you sure you can't reach Dad at the airbase?

Yes, I'm sure.

Oh, boy, Mr. Morrison's coming over here to meet Dad.

He was supposed to be back today.

Well, the secretary called and said he'd
be a little delayed.

Sally and her father are going to be here any minute.

Dad doesn't even know about it.

Now, I've got the candy and the peanuts
out, potato chips, the cheese dip.

Where's the cheese dip?

Will you just cool it down?

Will you just cool it?

It's right here.

What?

Now, careful with those potato chips.

What'd you stack them so high for, anyway?

I'd carry them in one chip at a time,
but I've got school Monday.

Oh, that's very funny.

Oh, what do you think you're doing?

Reading a comic book.

Well, put it away.

I don't want Mr. Morrison to know I have a


It's not mine.

It's Bub's.

You know, Mike, I think you ought to cool it.

I mean, you're making everybody nervous.

Oh, just you wait.

You have to go through this.

Just you wait.

Maybe that's Dad.

Hello?

Is that Dad?

No, it's Mr. Felson.

Now go up and put your jacket on.

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Felson.

No, Steve's not at home.

Yeah, I'll give him the message.

Go ahead.

Turn out for the dinner.

The dinner is bigger than you expected.

So you're taking a bigger room.

Uh-huh.

Not in the oak room.

It's going to be in the crystal room.

Don't you worry.

I'll tell him.

Bye.

That must be the Morrisons.

All right, now.

Now just watch everything, huh?

And please don't ask any stupid questions.

Now, just be calm and dignified.

Relax.

Morrison, I'm so glad you could come over.

I want you to meet my brother, Mr. Chip.

This is my brother, Robbie.

My grandfather will be out any minute.

He's cooking.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here, let me take your coat for you, Mr. Morrison.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my.

I'm sorry.

There's some buttoness here.

Let me get this, Mr. Morrison.

Wait, wait, now.

Get that button.

There's some button out here.

I'm so sorry.

That's all right.

Yes, it's all right.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I took the coat off.

You take... Well, let me get this, Mike, and I'll...

Oh!

Here's your coat.

Oh, thank you very much.

There wasn't any way to reach Dad by phone.

He's out in the field, some 40 miles from nowhere.

Oh, don't worry, don't worry.

I understand.

Anyway, there'll be plenty of opportunity
for your father to meet.

To get together, we'll have at least one
evening, the night of the Parthenon Club dinner.

That's right.

Mr. Morrison, how would you like to try
some of Bub's famous cheese dip?

I'll have a chip.

No dip.

Figure, waistline, you know.

Sally?

Oh, I think I will.

Bub's dip is just great, Dad.

Thanks.

I'm sorry, Chip.

Yeah, me too.

It was our turn to help.

Gosh, Dad, I'm really sorry about everything.

You know, I'm supposed to lecture the Explorers
Club next week on my most dangerous adventure.

I'm going to tell them about tonight.

Tonight's really been one to write home
about, hasn't it, sir?

Yeah.

Bob and Rob and Chip will be out in a minute.

They're just cleaning up those broken dishes.

Here we are.

Would you like some fresh coffee, honey?

Oh, just a half a cup.

All right.

There we are.

How about you, sir?

No, none for me.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry, sir.

Oh, my God.

Here.

Oh, oh, oh.

Here.

What's the latest bulletin?

We had a little accident.

Oh.

Sir, I found your tobacco parts on the table.

I didn't see your pipe.

Oh.

It's in my coat.

Well, I'll get it for you.

No, no, no, no.

Thank you.

I'll get it myself.

I'll show you the closet, Mr. Morrison.

It's a little tricky.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, honestly, Mike.

The top of this door is warped.

We've had a lot of rain lately.

Yes, yes.

Oh, there it is.

There we are.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I was in here somewhere.

Just to be here.

You know, pipe is always refreshing.

No, it's not there.

Try here.

Ah, here it is.

Gosh, I'm glad you found it.

I can use it.

Yeah.

I'm home.

Hi, Steve.

Oh, hi, bud.

Your father is here, Mr. Miller.

Is this thing fixed?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Mike.

Nobody ever had a day like this.

Mr. Morrison, I'm Mike's father.

It's my own fault.

I opened a tomb ten years ago.

There was a curse on it.

I'm sorry about this.

We'll have you out of there in a minute.

Jammed at the top, that's all.

Yeah, I'll go and get the screws.

No, never mind the screws, everybody.

Just help me pull.

Let's do it together now.

One, two, three.

Pull.

Pardon.

Miss.

Morton.

Is he in there?

Yeah, you better get the screwdriver.

And the hammer.

Well, I don't see Mark anyplace.

I tell you, I think I'd better alert the
Parthenon Club you're here because I'm

sure they're planning on some sort of welcoming ceremony.

Excuse me a minute, Tom.

Yeah, of course, Steve.

Oh, and thank you.

I wouldn't worry about a few accents while you mic.

We can make a fresh start tonight.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Morrison.

I think you're going to be a very
understanding father-in-law.

Pardon me, are you gentlemen part of this
little shindig in the oak room tonight?

Oh, yes, we are.

We're the sergeants at arm.

Oh, I see.

Well, one of your members, Mark Felson, was
supposed to meet us here and... Mark Felson?

Yes.

Do you know a Mark Felson?

No, but we have a pretty big membership.

He may be inside.

Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you, I have your guest
about at night right over there.

And I understand you're going to make him a new member.

Oh, a new member.

Why, of course.

No problem at all.

Tell you what to do.

You go get him, and we'll notify the committee he's here.

Oh, fine.

Thanks very much.

Yeah.

He's here, the new member.

Boys, he's here.

Now, the order of the benevolent buccaneers, sons of
the skull and crossbones, let's show our new member.

What kind of initiation we give at Bryant Park, lads?

Officer of the deck, take your post.

Aye, aye, sir.

Now, boys, there's not a move now until
after you get the signal from me.

Everybody hide, okay?

Right.

Well, here he is, gentlemen.

Right this way, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Sorry, fellas.

You'll have to wait here.

Mr.

Pelton said we were invited, too.

But that's the rule.

I didn't think a bunch of archaeologists would be so noisy.

No, I've never heard such an ovation.

I left a message with your father-in-law
that we'd been changed to downstairs,

didn't he tell you?

No.

Where's Mr. Morrison?

He's in there.

Dad, we've done it to him again.

Don't.

Break up the initiation, fellas.

I'll.

Find you a girl just like Sally if it
takes the rest of my life.

Hi.

Aren't you going to come in?

Honey, there's really nothing I can say.

I've used up all my sorries.

Well, I'm not sorry I called you.

One of us has to be grown up about this.

This whatever it is.

No, there is no specific word for it.

Plague is about the closest.

Oh, Mike.

Honey, this is about the hardest thing
I've ever had to say to you.

Well, then don't say it.

It has to be said.

Sally, I love you.

But I just don't think we're compatible.

You and I are.

But your father...

Honey, if we can expect a catastrophe like this every
time you two meet, I'll only let him visit us on holidays.

There you are.

Hi, Dad.

Me.

About last night, sir.

Oh, forget about last night.

Every day is a new day.

Things happen.

Now, let's see what we have here.

These little goodies.

Ah, yes, here she is.

Ra, the Egyptian goddess of good luck.

What?

And here, from Tahiti, we have O'Malikani,
goddess of good luck.

Oh.

Here, from Manchuria, goddess of good luck.

Will these work here in Bryant Park?

Oh, don't worry, don't worry.

I have a rabbit's foot and a horseshoe
right here in this box up.

Stay tuned, Fandemonium viewers, because coming
up right now is one of the top ten most popular episodes.

That's right.

Every episode all weekend is... Chosen by
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