05x23 - Hawaiian Cruise

[bunniefuu]

Look, Beasley, I told you Chip can't talk to you right now.

No, don't call him in 15 minutes.

And if he can't talk to you in 15 minutes,
what makes you think he can talk to you in 20?

Okay, give me the message.

All right, I'll tell him you're a lizard croak.

Charley, I got my tickets.

Looks like I'm going to finally make it to Hawaii.

What's so great about Hawaii?

I put in there once on a Molly-O, doing a beer shorty.

Well, Charley, you were the one that said
I should go there.

You're the one that said I ought to go by
boat, that I should go alone.

If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have
thought of going.

Yeah, well, you go anyway.

What do you mean, go anyway?

I mean, you shouldn't let anything stop you.

You need the rest and the romance and all that stuff.

Solitary stuff.

Well, you'll go anyway.

Charley, what's going on?

He's okay, right, Doc?

It looks like it, but we'll have to watch
him for a couple of days.

Watch him for what?

Well, Chip has a bronchial infection.

The sort of thing we used to call a heavy chest.

But we've had a case of two-turn and pneumonia.

As I say, we'll keep an eye on him,
but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Boy, that's a relief.

I thought he was really...

Hey, what are you doing?

What do we do for him, Doctor?

Keep him warm, plenty of liquids.

Have this filled out and give it to him every four hours.

Sure.

May I speak to Mr. Willis, please?

Doc, tell him he don't have to cancel any vacation.

All right, I'll hang on.

Really, Steve, you don't have to cancel your trip.

I'm sure the chip will be right as rain in a day or two.

Steve, quit being a mother hen.

Doc, just don't stay in there.

He's canceling.

You're the same as telling me I'm a rotten mother.

Mr. Willis, this is Stephen Douglas.

Say, I'm going to have to cancel my reservations.

Yes, Mr. Willis, something went awry.

I don't know when I'll be able to do it.

No, maybe next year.

But thanks very much.

All right.

Steve, we can handle it.

Me and the doctor have seen the snippets before.

Really, Steve?

We... Steve, get on that phone
and call that character back.

Half a glass of milk each.

The cake is for dinner.

And don't throw your mitts on the table.

Rob?

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi.

You're out here again, huh?

Yeah, I'm getting a little sun and reading.

Incidentally, Rob, your brakes and my nerves would last a
lot longer if you'd stop using the driveway as a test area.

Okay, Dad.

Dad, you all right?

I mean, you want me to get you anything?

No, no.

No, thanks, Ev.

You get a half a glass of milk and the cake is for dinner.

And don't slam your books down on the table.

Poor Dad.

Don't look at me as if I'm a crook or something.

It's not my fault if I got sick.

I'm not looking at you.

I just wish you could have a better vacation
than sitting out in the backyard and reading a book.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Mike.

You, uh, you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Why?

Nothing.

Get a half a glass of milk, and the cake is for dinner.

If you have any books, you can throw them on the table.

Boy, we got to do something to entertain
Dad on his vacation.

Dad will only have a few days in Hawaii,
even if he flew both ways.

What's so great about going to Hawaii on a boat?

I'll tell you what's so great about it, mate.

By now, Steve would have himself a nice suntan
from splashing around in the pool on the after day.

He'd be lander than some beautiful
Polynesian-type doll would have thrown one

of those flowered necklaces around his neck and kissed him.

And he'd be going to a luau with one of
the teachers he met on board.

Teachers?

What do teachers do in a neat place like Hawaii?

Teachers do more traveling than Marco Polo.

Hey!

Yeah, that's a neat idea.

How do you know what it is?

Well, I don't, but I'll go for anything
that'll get Dad out of the backyard.

Norman, how many of these prop palm trees do you have?

Just three.

We use them as an oasis in Beau Geste and
as an atoll in South Pacific.

They're perfect.

Hey, Mike, this stuff's not supposed to leave the campus.

Well, suppose I could get Miss Lovett's permission.

I don't know, Mike.

She's pretty fussy about stuff leaving the
stage, never mind the campus.

Who's fussy about what?

Oh.

Well, uh, it's kind of weird, but I'll make it quick.

My father was going to Hawaii, but he couldn't, so
our families decided to sort of bring Hawaii to him.

I think that's a lovely idea.

Take the whole forest.

Oh, thank you.

Great.

You're gonna have a whole luau and everything?

Yeah.

My Uncle Charley's gonna Bury the pig in the backyard.

We're gonna have guitar music and sing around a rock fire.

We'll have everything but the schoolteacher.

A schoolteacher?

Oh, well, we figured my father would have
met one on the ship by now.

Oh.

Would you like to come?

Who, me?

Well, I know it's kind of silly, but, gee, it
wouldn't be much fun for Dad with just us guys.

No, I guess it's a stupid idea.

Oh, I don't know.

I should really be there to keep an eye on my palm trees.

Oh, that's terrific.

Uh, Marcia, when is Miss Drake coming out?

What do you want to see a girls' gym teacher for?

Well, I, uh, was planning on taking up figure dancing.

No kidding.

When's she coming out?

Pretty soon.

She's getting all gussied up as if everybody
didn't know she's just going straight home.

Yes?

I'm Robbie Douglas.

I'm the fellow who fell down the stairs when I was
helping carry the risers for the basketball game that time.

Oh, yes, Robbie.

How's your knee?

Oh, it's all scarred over better than new.

Miss Drake, I have something kind of weird to ask you.

Why don't I walk you to your car?

Go ahead and ask her.

I just remembered.

Her name is Mrs. Gavin.

That means she's already married to some guy.

Yeah, only not anymore.

He was in one of those old-timers wars they used to have.

Oh, yes, boys.

Chip's the one that wants to see him, Mrs. Gavin.

I'm only waiting for him.

What is it, Chip?

Do you want to go to a loo-loo, Mrs. Gavin?

He means luau.

He's nervous.

But what kind of a luau, Chip?

Well, my dad was supposed to go to Hawaii.

Only I got sick, so he didn't.

Only I got better too quick, and I wrecked his plans.

So we're giving him a luau.

And they want teachers for some reason.

She always meets teachers on a ship.

And you're a teacher.

And it's a surprise for my dad.

So don't tell too many people.

Except maybe your mother, so she'll know where you are.

Thank you, Chip.

I'd be delighted to come.

Boy, thanks, Mrs. Gavin.

Okay.

Now I'll go down to the market tomorrow and get the pig.

Now you two big guys dig me a hole in the
backyard about, oh, yay round.

And Chip, you heat me some stones and see
if you can find me some big leaves to wrap

the fruit and the bananas and the stuff in.

Is that your dad?

Uh-uh.

He fell asleep in the easy chair.

Now remember, you guys, this is supposed to be a surprise.

Don't tell anybody, especially Ernie, Chip.

Well, I have to tell Ernie.

I already invited him.

What are you guys doing, selling tickets?

I got it.

You think he heard us?

Hello.

Oh, hi, Joe.

Steve, I know this is a spur-of-the-moment thing, but Will.

Corbett and I are going up in
the mountains fishing tomorrow.

We thought you might like to come along.

Well, I'm not doing anything around here.

Just sitting around taking it easy.

Well, good.

Will's having a little trouble with his
wife about being away for three days,

so, uh, I'll have to call you back later and
let you know what time we'll pick you up.

Fine, let me know.

I'll be ready.

Okay.

I think he quit talking.

Now, you guys hit the sack early tonight
because you got a lot of work to do tomorrow.

Yeah, boy, Dad's gonna be surprised.

Yeah.

I'll call up Vernon.

We can get some rocks.

I don't know where there's an empty lot.

And those leaves.

How big do you want them, Bub?

Yeah, they're big, right?

Hello?

Oh, hi, Joe.

Did Will work it out with his wife so he
can go fishing with us tomorrow?

Yeah, he made it all right.

We'll pick you up at 3 O'clock.

Good.



Yeah.

Yeah, if we leave at 3, we ought to be on
the screen by 8, huh?

Fine, I'll see you.

Wait a minute, Joe.

I'd better meet you out in front of the house.

I don't want to wake up the whole joint here.

Good.

I'll see you.

Steve, I couldn't help hearing your conversation,
but you, uh... You can't go fishing tomorrow.

Why not, Charley?

We'll only be gone two or three days.

I know, but, uh... Well, uh...

You go anyway.

Now, wait a minute.

There you go again.

What do you mean, you go anyway?

Well, you gave up one trip for the boys.

No sense letting them foul things up twice.

Or was one of the boys sick again or something?

No, but the kids couldn't stand
it to see you sitting out reading

and taking naps and stuff like that, so, uh... Well, uh...

You go anyway.

Charley, what did the boys do?

Nothing yet.

They're doing it tomorrow night.

What are they doing?

Well, this is a surprise.

They knocked their brains out planning it,
and they collected a lot of stuff,

and they gave up their allowances, and, uh...

Look, you go anyway, because this thing
isn't gonna be any world's fair or anything.

Okay, okay, okay, quit talking.

Now I'm liable to say something corny.

Joe?

Joe, this is Steve.

Say, I'm gonna... I have to, uh,
have to back out of the fishing trip.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

No, no, nothing's wrong with the kids or anything.

No.

Well, it's just that, uh, I'll tell you when I see you.

Catch a couple of fish for me, huh?

Okay, Joe.

Hey, coming pretty good, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, how come Uncle Charley wants a cup of
food in the ground?

Because that's the way they do it in Hawaii.

My dad went to Hawaii once.

He said they have...

Yeah, they even have traffic.

Maybe cooking stuff in a hole.

Like when my dad barbecues, Joe.

Everything gets smoky and dirty,
and everybody says how good it is.

Oh, boy.

How come Dad went to the office today?

I don't know.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects something.

Well, I bet he doesn't suspect what he's gonna get.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

Oh, boy, they're sure getting hot.

Hey, I just got an idea.

What?

How are we gonna get these things out to the hole?

Maybe we could.

Nah, that's dumb.

I was gonna say maybe we could cool them off first.

Yeah, that is dumb.

Come on, you guys, put it on the table.

Did you get the rocks nice and hot?

Yeah, but how are we gonna get them out to the hole?

Oh, we'll cool them off.

Charlie, did you get a pig?

I did better than that.

I got a 12-pound ham and 50 pork chops.

Don't just stand there.

Go out there and get the rest of the supplies.

Don't look so worried.

He was a cook on board all those ships.

I know that.

Something tells me he has very little
experience with holes in the ground.

Chip?

Yeah?

You feel kind of dumb in this outfit.

Yeah.

I'd rather not talk about it.

Hey, here he comes.

Hey, here he comes.

Boy, is he going to be surprised.

Yeah, especially when Mrs. Gavin gets here.

Welcome to Hawaii.

You scared me.

What's going on here?

You're in Hawaii like you wouldn't have
been if I hadn't got sick.

For goodness sake, look at that.

We're supposed to kiss you if we're girls,
but we're not, so we won't.

We have a surprise for you.

Shut your eyes.

Oh, okay.

Come on.

Here they come.

Start the music.

Hey, where are you taking me?

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Keep your eyes closed.

Okay.

Where are we going?

Don't worry.

Keep your eyes closed.

What's going on here now, you fellas?

Okay, open up.

Aloha.

Aloha, Dad.

Well, look at that.

Aloha.

Why, you guys.

Well,

Dad, how do you like the climate?

There's no place like the Hawaiian Islands, huh?

No, sir.

Hey, Dad, would you taste the punch?

Yeah.

I'm going to get my pomegranates.

There's everything back in the mainland.

All right, Rob, all right.

Aloha.

Aloha.

You mean how, don't you?

Yeah, how was your ocean voyage?

Well, it got a little rough the second day
out, Charlie, but...

Yeah, it does get a little choppy on the
Pacific this time of the year.

What do you think of that?

Oh, boy, fresh pineapple.

Yeah.

Here, Dad.

Oh, sir.

Oh, thank you, Chip.

Hey, go get the coconut.

Don't forget the pilot bandits.

Wonderful.

Charlie, I'm glad you talked me out of that fishing trip.

I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Okay, come on.

Sally, show Dad the hula.

All right.

Watch this.

Come on.

There's the doorbell.

Oh, you were expecting somebody else?

Chip.

That'll be a lady.

Will you bring her back here?

How'd you know?

How did he know what?

What?

Nothing.

I'm going to get you a punch.

Well, I might as well see if the dinner is done.

Hey, what are you cooking in there, Charlie?

Pork chops.

Oh, how can you tell when they're done?

How do you think I can tell?

When they yell, oink, oink.

My, how lovely.

Come on, Miss Gavin.

Dad, this is your teacher.

My what?

The teacher?

He said he'd meet a teacher.

We went to Hawaii.

This is her, Mr. Douglas.

Oh.

I'm Mrs. Gavin.

Well, how do you do, Mr. Gavin?

I must admit that I was a little bit confused myself.

But the boys were so insistent.

Aloha, Mrs.

Gavin.

Aloha to you.

Rob, I don't want to leave Sally.

Will you just bring her back here, please?

Huh?

Who her?

The schoolteacher.

Well, how did you know?

This is the boys' grandmother.

Just answer the door, will you?

You see, Mrs. Gavin, I actually was going
to take a trip to Hawaii, and I think

maybe somebody mentioned to the boys that
I might meet a teacher on the trip.

She's a real neat teacher, too.

Surely never flunks anybody.

Thank you, Ernest.

Oh, I was extremely flattered when the
boys invited me to come.

Well, I'm glad you came, Mrs. Gavin.

This is it.

Oh, this is marvelous.

Well, come on.

Dad, this is Miss Drake.

I guess she's a teacher, too.

She is?

How do you do, Miss Drake?

I suppose I had the same idea as Chip.

Well, Miss Drake, this is Mrs. Gavin, and
this is the boys' great-uncle, Charley O'Casey.

Hello.

Now, don't tell me... Yeah, Dad, that's mine.

I think the.

Teaching profession has changed.

She teaches girls gym, Dad.

Oh, is that so?

They're doing everything nowadays to stop dropouts.

You know, it kind of gets my back just to watch it.

You want to try it?

That?

Oh, no, actually, there's a very simple
step to that same rhythm.

Oh, well, I think I'd better sit this one out.

Now, Steve, now, just imagine.

Now, you're on your trip, you're on the
ship, and it's the first night out.

Now, you and I have just met, and we're
sitting in the ballroom.

And I asked you to dance, hmm?

Oh, would you care to dance?

I'd love it.

Nothing quite there, thank you.

All right.

You fellas didn't miss a trick, did you?

You thought of everything.

Even the tropical showers.

This rain will drown my pork chops.

Well, don't worry about that, Charlie.

We'll eat fish and poi.

Anyway, if the rain lets up a little,
we can move everything inside, huh?

Okay?

Come on, let's sing.

Yeah.

Well,

fellas, it was quite a luau.

Boy, Dad, we sure fouled up the details, didn't we?

Oh, Rob, you couldn't know it was going to rain.

Yeah, but we should have checked with each
other about the teachers.

I guess you felt pretty bad when all three
of them showed up.

Yeah, and Uncle Charlie wrecked the food by
putting it in the ground where the water could get to it.

And those chickens we had to go out and
buy tasted like rubber.

You know, it's a funny thing.

I came up to tell you fellas I'd never had a better
time in my life, and you're trying to talk me out of it.

No kidding?

No kidding.

I just told Mike and Charlie.

I'm glad I didn't go to Hawaii.

This was a lot better.

Well, I've got to go impress these in my memory, Mark.

You fellas better get to sleep, huh?

Good night.

Good night.

Good night, Dad.

Thanks again.

Do you think he really had a good time, Rob?

No.

Dads have to say things like that.

I think he had a good time.

Well, maybe.

Well, go to sleep, Chip.

Why, if it wasn't for me, he would have had a rotten time.

Are you kidding?

Who burned the palm trees and who played
the guitar and who strung up the lights and stuff?

Uncle Charley, Mike, and I.

Yeah.

But I'm the one who got sick.

Good night, Chip.

Good night.

This week, you get Mike, Robbie,
and Chip, Steve's Three Little Angels.

But next week, it's Three Little Angels
cast from a different mold, Charlie's Angels.

It's the pandemonium weekend that caps off
a whole week in angel heaven.