06x05 - There's a What in the Attic?

[bunniefuu]

We're home.

What was that a great circus?

Well, don't start hollering for dinner
because it ain't ready yet.

Dinner?

Oh, we had three hot dogs, two boxes of
popcorn, a gallon of pink lemonade.

Boy, Uncle Charlie, what a circus.

They had this bear who could ride a pogo stick.

You should have sent him over.

I've been stuck here without a car and
couldn't get to the market.

What do you mean, carrier, Ernie?

You ought to be carrying me.

Oh, too much circus for Ernie?

No.

Oh, boy.

I'm bushed.

Uncle Charley, what wild animals.

You should have been there.

Yeah, there was a real African lion hunt
right in the center ring.

Yeah, they had natives and Spears and r*fles and
noisemakers and beaters and... Where was the lion?

He wouldn't come out of the cage.

Ernie, let's have our own wild animal
African safari, right out in back.

Yeah, we can pound trash can tops together, too.

Wait a minute, fellas.

We've had a pretty noisy day.

Why don't you just hunt with Spears, blood Spears?

Look at that.

Quiet safari, huh?

Come on, Ernie.

I want to come.

Watch it.

The river's full of man-eating crocodiles.

Oh.

Well, I was just about to step into my w*r canoe.

Greetings, great white hunters.

Greetings, Juana.

And friendly chief from friendly tribe.

Live across friendly river beyond friendly
mountains and friendly valley.

Unfriendly lion is ravaging our herds,
carrying off our people.

And you would like us to destroy this unfriendly lion?

We would be eternally grateful.

You have nothing to fear.

We k*ll lion for you.

Then can you Grant us a boon?

Anything you desire.

Anything?

You have only to ask.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

Is it okay if us great hunters sleep in the tent tonight?

Okay, great white hunters.

Boy, I better get back to bed so I can wake up from this.

Wake up, there's a lion in the backyard.

A what?

I'm not kidding, I saw him, a lion in the air.

Come on, Ernie.

I don't want to play anymore tonight.

Go back to sleep.

I'm not playing.

There's a real live lion out there.

He was looking at tr*mp's dish.

You saw a real live dog.

Now go back to sleep.

It could bother me.

Please, Chip, come on.

Look, just let me show him down.

We'll both go back to sleep.

All right.

He's right over there.

He was there.

See?

tr*mp's dish.

He must have got scared when he saw me.

I tell you.

Thank you, Chip.

Lie in the back yard.

Liants, liants.

Too much circus, that's all.

See, nothing but your imagination and some shadows of that

scrap lumber I've been trying
to get you and Chip to stack up.

Well, are you satisfied?

Sure.

I was satisfied the first time I saw him.

From now on, lay off them hot dogs.

Come on, let's get back to bed.

Come on.

Hey, Dad, did you hear that?

Yeah.

What do you think it was?

I don't know.

Maybe Charley's prowling around downstairs.

Charley!

Oh.

Charley, what's going on?

It was Ernie, Steve.

Too many hot dogs, if you ask me.

Got him seeing things.

What kind of things?

Well, did you know there's a lion in the backyard?

A lion?

No, but I knew about the crocodiles.

See, Dad, like I said, he's trying to get attention.

He has to be constantly reassured that we love him.

At two o'clock in the morning?

Well, Charley, I guess it's going to take a
while before he feels he's part of the family.

What are we going to do about him claiming
that he sees lions?

Well, we just have to go along with it
until he feels he really belongs.

Well, he better belong.

If a stranger woke me up this time in the
morning, I'd give him a fat lick.

You know, we've tried so hard to make him feel at home.

I wonder if we've slept somewhere.

Well, good night, man.

Night, Dad.

Now what?

Oh, it's you.

Come on, you're going outside,
Dad, so I can get some shut-eye.

Tomorrow I got an early wash day.

Now come on, get out, eh?

Look, my hand.

You sure it just licked?

Yeah, let's get out of here.

There?

Idiots.

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah, I guess it was tr*mp all along.

Want to go back to my tent and sleep?

I'm not in the mood anymore.

Let's go in.

Chip, Chip, there's something in the attic.

Oh, come on, Ernie.

It's the last time I play circus with you.

There's something walking around up there.

Boy, that cornball.

He never knows when to stop.

Maybe he won't stop until he gets fed.

And he won't stop until he gets fed.

He needs people.

Ernie, that's not a lion, it's Robbie.

Ever heard of a lion in the house?

I didn't, until now.

Listen to that phony growl.

You sure it's Robbie?

Yeah, I recognize his voice.

There's only one thing to do.

What?

We'll play along with his gag.

I know Robbie.

It's the only way to get him to stop.

But Chip, maybe we better stay here.

I don't care if Robbie stops or not.

I do.

I'm tired.

Look at him.

Pretend to be asleep.

Oh, Robbie, save us.

There's a lion in the house.

Where?

Where?

We heard him, and he had a most fearsome growl.

Didn't he, Ernie?

Oh, you guys are flipped.

You go back to bed and leave me alone.

Hey, Robbie, growl for us again.

Out!

Out!

Well, Ernie, this is a good lesson for
you, and I'm glad you're learning it early.

So am I.

Only I'm not so sure just what it is I've learned.

My older brother's always being smart,
Alex, and playing crummy jokes.

But you're my older brother, too.

Yeah, but I'm not so old to be doing dumb things like
that and growling like a lion in the middle of the night.

Next thing you know, he'll be sending you on a snipe hunt.

Next thing.

You know, he'll be sending you on a snipe hunt.

Next thing you know, he'll be sending you on a snipe hunt.

A lion!

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Ernie, I'll tell you what.

You take the Thorn out of this pond and
tell me about it in the morning.

Yeah, that's true.

Nobody believes me.

Ernie.

Ernie.

Boy.

Look, I'm glad you woke me up to tell me about this.

Because that's one of the good things
about being part of a family.

I mean, you've got somebody to tell things
to no matter what hour of the night it is.

Well, I went up in that attic to see what
was making this noise.

And there behind the trunk was a lion.

Tell me something seriously.

Now, what would a lion be doing up in our attic?

Sleeping.

Well, we don't want to disturb him, do we?

I'll tell you what.

First thing in the morning, all of us, your
whole family will go up in the attic on a safari.

And then we'll blast through the lion or
something and we'll put him in a cage, okay?

Uh-oh.

No, he's not going to get you.

I'll tell you, why don't you go in your
room and climb in your own?

I'll go out to the tent and get Chip.

Chip's in bed in there.

We called our safari off.

Oh, you did?

Good.

Dad?

Don't you think we ought to call the
police or anyone like that?

Oh, you mean about the lion?

Yeah.

Oh, I don't think we want to disturb the
police this time of night.

Besides, we want to save that expedition
in the morning just for our family.

Well, old Chipper's really knocking it off, huh?

Yeah, nothing bothers him.

Ernie, you know something?

It was a lucky day for me when you moved in here.

Lucky for you?

Yeah.

Before you came, uh, well, there were a lot of things
wrong, but, uh, you know what bothered me most?

The toothbrush holder.

You mean it was busted or something?

No, but, uh, every morning when I'd brush my
teeth, I, I'd get the feeling there was something wrong.

You see, for years, there were four toothbrushes
hanging there, uh, Mike's, Robbie's, Chip's, and mine.

Oh, and Mike took his with him when he got married.

Yeah, and every morning I had this empty feeling.

Like cavities?

No, I just had the feeling that,
uh, well, there was something missing.

But, uh, now your toothbrush is hanging
there, and, uh, everything's fine.

I'm awful glad you let me move in, Dad, but wouldn't
it have been cheaper just to buy another toothbrush?

Well, you know, Ernie, I thought of that,
but, uh, well, it wasn't just the toothbrush.

Uh, things just didn't seem quite right.

But as I say, now you're here, and, uh, everything's okay.

Well, you better get to sleep now, huh?

Here.

Good night, Ernie.

Good night, Dan.

Don't forget to take off your glasses.

Dan?

Yeah, Ernie?

I won't bother you about that lion again,
but you better keep your door closed.

Oh, I will.

Good night.

Ah, hi there, tr*mp, old boy.

All right, just go jumpin' in bed with me
and no snoring, okay?

Good night.

Oh, come on, now, tr*mp, settle down, boy.

Oh, tr*mp.

All right.

All right.

That does it.

All right.

You go downstairs.

Sleep in your own bed, huh?

No, no.

Go downstairs.

Go on.

Man, tr*mp, you're getting a little gamey.

We're going to have to give you a bath.

tr*mp.

tr*mp.

Charlie, Rob, Ernie, everybody shut the door.

Hey, Dad, that was a lion.

Well, that's what I told you.

What's he doing here?

We must have escaped from the circus or something.

Oh, he's in the bathroom, Dad.

He's in there, all right.

Look, if we can, uh, if we can close the
bathroom door into the hall.

Yeah, got it, yeah.

There's a lion in the bathroom.

I thought we weren't going to have the safari till morning.

This is a real lion.

So's the one in the attic.

I don't suppose they could be the same one, do you?

Well, I hope so.

He's the same one, all right.

He's starting to come up in the hall again.

We've got to get to a phone or something.

But we can get Charley to call from downstairs.

Yeah, that's right.

Charley!

Hey, Uncle Charley!

Stop it, tr*mp.

Charley!

Hey, Uncle Charley!

Probably gone to sleep with his radio on again.

I don't know what the lion is now, let's check.

What's wrong?

He's, he's not out here in the hall,
he must still be in the bathroom.

No, he's not in the bathroom, Dad, I just looked.

Well, then he must be in your room.

Yeah, yeah.

If we can get that door shut, we'll have him trapped.

Let's go.

Is he in there, Dad?

I don't know, I didn't see him, but he must be.

Hello?

This is Sergeant Foley at police headquarters.

Now, don't panic.

I'm warning everyone on your block,
there's an escaped lion in your vicinity.

Hello?

Hello?

Where was he, Dad?

He almost got me, he was right in front of me.

What was the phone call?

Well, it was...

What are we going to do, Dad?

I don't know, but we've got to do something.

Yeah.

Hey, you're not going to hit him, are you?

I mean, not with that.

No, no, no, I'll throw it up at the other
end of the hall, and when he goes after

it, I'll run downstairs and make a call on that phone.

But, Dad, lions don't fetch, do they?

Well, maybe you'll think it's a... well,
we've got to try it.

Here, boy.

Here, boy, now.

Go get the slipper.

Go get it now.

Fetch!

You got it, Bobby.

It doesn't fetch.

What now, Dad?

I don't know.

I've got to get to a phone.

Rob, you stay here.

I'm going to try to get past the lion and
get to the downstairs phone.

Good luck, Dad.

Here you go, thanks.

Nice boy.

Oh, nice line.

It's the boy.

Eat up the slipper.

Eat it all up and you can have the other one.

Here, boy.

Here, Raja.

Come on, boy.

Time to go home.

Here, boy.

Here, Raja.

Hey, Dad, what's going on?

You mean you've slept through all of this?

Slept through all what?

I'll, uh, I'll tell you about it.

Come, Raja, into the truck.

What do you mean running off like that?

Oh, you had me so worried.

Come, come, come, come now.

Okay, it's all clear now, folks.

You're, uh, sure officer?

Yes, sir, I'm sure.

Why, it's a good thing we got that phone call.

Yeah.

Oh, I, I didn't make any phone call.

Well, there's some little kid named Ernie.

Ernie, how did you make a phone call?

You were shut up in your room all the time.

No, I wasn't.

I shinied down the drainpipe and went next door to phone.

I didn't think you'd mind, Dad.

What are you thinking, Ernie?

Well, they got him on the truck now.

Good night, Mr. Douglas.

Good night, officer, and thanks very much.

Well, I guess Roger's gone, all right.

Boy, what a relief.

Why don't I tell the kids at school?

Ernie, why didn't you tell us it was a real lie?

I tried to, Dad.

Well, next time, try harder, will you?

Say, Dad.

Well, we're going to have to think of some other
father and son activities for tomorrow morning.

Well, let's all get to bed, huh?

Good morning.

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