06x07 - Mary-Lou

[bunniefuu]

Strike two.

Okay, Ernie, give him your high hard one.

Come on, put it right here.

Strike three.

That's the third time you struck out on the rope here.

Don't feel too rotten.

Keep your chin up.

I had a tough time making the team myself,
and I'm a great player.

Ernie, you're not a great player.

Compared to him, I am.

Boy, he's about the worst I've ever seen.

Hi, Dad.

Who was that boy?

I haven't seen him around here before, have I?

You mean Pierre?

Well, I guess so.

His name's Pierre.

Oh, thank God.

He's a French kid.

His family just moved here from Paris.

That's a friend.

Is that so?

And he's taking an interest in baseball.

Well, it's nice of you fellas to let him join your team.

We're not letting him join our team.

Well, why not?

He's not good enough.

Well, how good do you have to be?

Plenty good.

I'm the yardstick.

The yardstick?

Yeah.

Anybody?

What did you do?

I, I did everything wrong.

I, I was a wonderful mother.

I sacrificed all my happiness.

Oh, that made me a monster.

I wonder they didn't throw me in jail.

Harriet, oh.

Then one night, I invited them over for supper.

The babies, Rosemary and Robert.

Robert?

Is he Rosemary's husband?

Yes, he's my stranger-in-law.

She was spoiling the grandchildren.

Well, it's the old problem of an overindulgent grandmother.

Oh, don't say that in front of her.

She'll be out in a minute.

As soon as she fixes the batter for our breakfast tomorrow.

You see, Harriet's children were all
chipping in to support her.

But she would take the money and spend it
on gifts for the kids secretly.

She's a nice lady, but I wish she'd stop
kissing me and sobbing.

It's too wet.

That is all ready for morning.

Oh, precious.

Oh, what a lovely, lovely, lovely family.

Oh, Steve, I hope your children never throw you out.

Harriet, I'm sure if you phoned your children and explained
and promised not to spend any more on the grand strangers.

Never.

Maybe they can tell me what to do with
their money, but not the money I earn myself.

I didn't know you were working.

I'm not going to be a burden to anyone.

What kind of work are you doing, Cousin Harriet?

Looking for a job.

What kind of a job?

Well, I'd like to work in an office.

Oh, do you do typing?

Oh, yes.

Yes.

How fast?

Oh, I haven't counted, but I should say 70 or 80 a minute.

Hey, not bad.



Oh, not words, letters.

I type with my little finger.

Well, do you take shorthand?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I never tried.

Well, have you ever worked on a switchboard?

No.

Well, what experience have you had?

In which field?

Well, any field.

None.

Well, how do you expect to find a job without experience?

My life is full of experience.

I can make you cry.

Oh, please don't.

Teenagers have the same problem.

You can't get a job unless you have experience,
and you can't get experience until you get a job.

All teenagers are young.

They just hire youth.

You have to be 18 with 20 years' experience.

Well, there must be some place you could
start if you really want to work.

Yeah, there must be some place.

All you have to do is find someone
fair-minded enough to give you a chance.

Okay.

How about you?

How about me what?

Being fair-minded and giving Harriet a job.

Well, Charlie, I'm an aeronautical engineer.

I don't hire anyone.

Hey, but you work for a company that does.

Well, I know, Charlie, but I can't very well go to
Mr. Welch and ask him to hire someone with no experience.

I'm not asking you for help.

I don't want help from anyone.

All the help I need is to tell me where my coat is.

Tell me where my coat is.

Well, Dad, can't you do something?

Probably there's nothing I can do.

Well, Dad, suppose everyone felt like that.

I mean, how can people learn if no one gives them a chance?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You expected us to give Pierre a shot at
our ball club with that experience.

No, I know what I'm not wanted.

Never mind.

Please, please, don't.

Don't apologize.

Harriet, let me say something.

Do you think you could possibly learn to
type with, well, maybe two fingers?

Maybe even three.

Actually, you work for minimum, won't you, Harriet?

Yes, even twice minimum.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll talk to Mr. Welch.

And, uh, well, we'll see if we can't get
you some office experience.

Oh.

Oh, now, now, don't cry.

Steve!

Don't cry.

Well,

I'm glad I'm not the captain of our team.

Yeah, it's a terrible responsibility.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

It was so simple before.

Kid says he's never played baseball.

I tell him to get lost, period.

But now Dad says you gotta let him play.

Yeah, otherwise he won't have any experience.

And Dad didn't just say it.

He's getting that lady a job experience or no experience.

Yeah.

So it must be the right thing to do,
even if it does cost us a mess of games.

And the other guys get sore.

And they elect a new captain, and throw
Pierre out, and throw you out,

and if you're not captain, I go back to the minor leagues.

Dad knows best.

Hey, I got it.

We invite Pierre out to practice,
give him a few cuts at the plate,

hit him a ground ball, and then tell him to get lost.

Great.

That way we can say he played, he'll get
experience, and he won't loss up the team.

Oh, I bet Dad would be proud of us.

Now I see why they voted you in as Captain Chip.

You got it here.

Night, Earth.

Night, Captain.

Well, Steve, I'd be glad to give Mrs. Blanchard a job here.

Well, that's great, Dave.

Just let her get experience somewhere else first.

But that's what they all say.

Look, Dave, it doesn't have to be permanent.

I mean, just enough so she can say she's
had a little experience.

A week ought to do it.

Experience in what?

She can't take shorthand.

She can't type.

Oh, she can type in an emergency with one finger.

What do you want me to do, dictate with one lip?

There are things she could do for you.

I mean, well, she could answer the phone and
take your messages and sharpen pencils, lick stamps.

I'm sure she'd be willing to do anything.

Okay, Steve, if it's that important to
you, we'll give her a try.

Oh, thanks, Dave.

You're doing a very nice thing.

So are you.

You've just got yourself a new secretary.

I have a new secretary?

Unless you insist on a more experienced girl.

Well, yes, I need someone who can...

Okay, Dave.

She can start tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Well, uh, good morning, Harriet.

Oh, good morning, sir.

You may call me Mrs. Blanchard.

I think we ought to be formal in the office,
even though we're both related to Charley.

I just can't start the day without coffee.

Would you like to try my cookies?

Or would you prefer cheesecake?

Well, I don't think either one.

Mrs. Blanchard, I just had my breakfast.

Not a teensy-weensy piece.

I work so hard.

Oh, yes.

Oh, no, a teensy-weensy piece.

There.

And here's a serviette.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Charley?

Yeah?

Oh, hi.

Charley, have you got something I can take?

I've got a little, uh... Harry?

Coffee, sweet rolls, cheesecake, toast, cereal, sausages.

That's just part of what we had morning coffee, Brad.

Now, for the afternoon coffee... Can't you say no?

Charley, I tried.

But her eyes filled with tears... Steve, maybe
you made a mistake getting Harry at that job.

Maybe I made a mistake.

It was your idea.

I just said it to be polite.

I thought you'd be smart enough to talk me out of it.

Cheers.

Drink Hardy.

Pardon me, Mrs. Blanchard, could I talk to
you for a minute?

Oh, yes, sir, of course.

Well, uh... Meanwhile, have a little something.

Well, no, I really couldn't.

Oh, just a little bite.

I went to so much trouble.

Well, all right.

I'll have a brownie.

Oh, good.

And some whipped cream.

Mrs. Blanchard, I'm afraid this report you copied for
me, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you'll have to do it over.

Thank you.

Oh, I am sorry, too.

I was being so careful.

I didn't think I made any mistakes.

Well, it isn't so much the mistakes, it's the gravy stains.

Gravy stains.

Oh, dear.

I'll never again sample stuffed peppers while I'm typing.

Stuffed peppers?

Peppers?

Yes.

The girls told me they were Mr. Welch's favorites.

So why should he have to go out and get them?

He knew that they looked very good.

Harriet, I'm sort of responsible for you here.

I'll never forget that.

And if I ever become a partner, I'll always
remember that you are the one that gave me my star.

Well, you're going to have to stop.

Stop what?

Well, this cooking in the office here.

I mean, stuffed peppers.

I mean, after all, this is a place of business, Harriet.

And, uh, well, what could I say to Mr. Welch?

Nothing.

I'll tell him when they're ready.

This is an office.

Don't you understand?

Oh, I do understand.

I'm of no use to anybody.

Listen, if I drop dead on that very spot, the only people
who would care were the people who had to step over me.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get my coat on.

I don't mean that you should go or anything like that.

I just meant that, well, cooking
stuffed peppers here in the office for Mr.

Welch is... What I'm trying to say is that I just hope
you've made enough so that there'll be some left for me.

Hi, Charlie.

Bicarbonate's ready in the kitchen.

I don't need bicarbonate, Charlie.

Well, I do need bicarbonate, but what I
really need is a way out of this mess.

Why don't you disconnect her stove?

It just isn't the cooking, Charlie.

She's become the office mother.

If anybody sneezes, she takes their temperature.

She's trying to find husbands for all the single girls.

She, the office is a shambles.

Oh, you'll feel better.

You'll feel better after dinner.

I made something you can't get at the office.

Stuffed peppers.

Oh, morning, Dave.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, Steve.

When do you leave for Washington on the
Phillips wingspread job?

This afternoon on the five O'clock plane.

Before you leave, I want you to get rid of that woman.

Mrs. Blanchard?

You know her latest?

What?

The filing system's ruined.

We can't find a thing.

What's missing?

My secretary.

My secretary?

She quit?

Because of Mrs. Blanchard.

Well, who else?

Now we can't even find the original design for the Phillips
wings spread that you were supposed to take with you.

Harriet filed it.

She doesn't remember where she filed it?

No, she's trying to remember.

Now, Steve, I have a factory waiting to
start production on that wing.

I know.

I know, Dave.

I'll, uh, I'll talk to them.

Maybe you should have insisted on someone
with more experience.

I remember.

I put it away myself.

Let's see.

Phillips Aircraft Company.

Well, you must have filed it under P for Phillips.

Oh, no.

I have my own system, like I file my recipes.

For instance, if I want a stew, I look under M.

Stew is under M?

Mulligan.

Apple pie is under R, and lemon
meringue is... Oh, wait a minute.

Apple pie is under R?

My sister Rita's recipe.

That's so I don't confuse it with Evelyn's
deep dish apple pie, which goes under... E.

Y-E.

No, hers is deep dish.

Oh, I see.

So, uh, Evelyn's apple pie goes under... D.

D.

Uh, Mrs. Blanchard, where is that file, please?

Which file?

The Phillips Aircraft Wingspread file.

Oh, what's a wingspread?

Well, the wings of a plane.

Wings?

Like a bird?

Yeah, like a bird.

Bird.

B.

B?

Here it is.

Of course.

Of course.

Well, thanks, Mrs. Blanchard.

Oh, okay.

Izzo's writing the file all the time under B.

B?

B for bird.

And for bird.

Well, you see, wingspread, wing, bird.

It sort of makes sense, Dave.

Not too much, I guess.

It's like having a computer in the office
with off-center wheels.

I know.

But she's so well-meaning.

That's the worst kind.

Now, look, Steve, you said you wanted her to work
here just long enough so she could claim experience.

Well, yes, that's right.

Well, she's had the experience.

In a remarkably short time, she has ruined it.

Well, Dave, you really think you've given
her a fair chance?

I mean, when you analyze it, she's just
trying to be helpful.

Well, let her go out and be helpful to one
of our competitors.

She's through, and it's up to you to tell her.

Yeah, I suppose it is.

Well, I'll just have to try to break it to her gently.

She has a lot of pride and dignity.

And now she has a steam iron, and she's
pressing Joe Fisher's tie.

Here we are.

Thank you, Mrs. Blanchard.

Hi, Steve.

He was just on my way out, and he's lost
part of my time before I knew it.

And I stopped him and insisted we can't have
a representative of our company looking messy.

Oh, honey, here's your cake.

Now then, what can I do for you, sir?

Harriet, I just had a meeting with Mr. Welch,
and, uh, well, I'm afraid we're going to.

...

Is this where Grandma works, Uncle Charley?

Grandma!

Oh, Lord, I'm Joey, my little babies, oh.

My babies, my babies.

Oh, you're so pale.

You've been around the house too much.

You've had nothing to eat.

Oh, those people are starving you.

A growing child must have food and sunshine.

But then, a grandma's not supposed to know anything.

Grandma, please come home.

Oh, really?

We miss you.

Mama misses you, too.

Oh, my little angels.

Oh, I love you.

Oh, I love you.

Baby.

So dear, I love you.

Oh, wait a minute, Charlie.

I knew you were in trouble, so I came to the rescue.

Do you really think you can get her out of here, Charlie?

Well, somebody has to do it, and you're too soft-hearted.

It isn't that I'm soft-hearted,
but all the tears... I know, I know.

But anyhow, I had to fight City Hall to
get the use of the kid.

Their mother put up a fight, and the
little ones fought me all the way.

They did, huh?

I promised ice cream sodas if they'd ask
their grandma to come home.

If she does, I'll pay for them.

That's it.

Do you see the look on her face?

Oh, it was beautiful.

Well, if it works, Charlie, you're a genius.

Thank you.

Now, come in.

Oh, thank you, Charlie, for bringing the
children to see me.

They'd have been grown up and married before I
saw them if I'd left it up to my own flesh and blood.

They need you, Harry.

Oh, yes.

Sir, Steve, I realized last night that I
was messing up your office, and so I

figured the only way to repay you for your
kindness would be to quit.

Oh, well, Harriet, it really wasn't that bad.

Now, of course, I can understand how you'd
rather be with your grandchildren.

Oh, well, that's just the point.

Now that I've seen them, I'm going to continue working.

Continue working?

Yes, now I'm independent, and I can buy
them all the vitamins and calories they need.

Charlie, let Joe and Laura stay here, and I'll
let them play around the office till I punch out.

I want Mr. Welch to see them.

They're so cute.

Some genius.

Oh, hi, Charles.

Oh, hello, Steve.

How was the trip?

Oh, fine.

Could have left the top coat home.

It was 95 in Washington.

Everything okay here?

Sure.

Good.

And by the way, you don't have to worry about Harry.