06x18 - Robbie and the sl*ve Girl

[bunniefuu]

That's a work of art.

Well, Charley, I think that's an example
of modern practical art.

Huh?

It's a park sign.

It means we're supposed to go that way.

Look, just like us kids paint.

Ernie, be more respectful.

Just because you don't understand
something, don't make fun of it.

Italian Primavera School.

Oh, yeah, that's the Primavera School of Art.

It's a new approach they're developing in Rome.

Imaginative sketching.

Kind of a primitive technique.

And I've been throwing away all my pictures at school.

Maybe they're worth a fortune.

It's probably cost a million dollars each.

No, no, 5,000 maybe.

The Primavera School hasn't really caught on yet.

Well, I can tell you one thing about the school.

All the artists are about seven years old.

Seven years old?

Dad, you just don't understand modern art.

These are the works of established artists.

They're just using the primitive technique.

Robbie, I know how a seven-year-old
paints, and this is the way.

Now, this particular painting reminds me
of a genuine early Robbie Douglas,

ex*cuted during the artist's tricycle period.

Parts of the original appeared on his bedroom wall.

Dad, this is great art.

These are famous paintings, brought here
from Italy by Margaret Bellini.

Now, with all her money and the way she gets
around, she ought to know art when she sees it.

Excuse me.

I couldn't help overhearing your argument
about the Primavera School.

Well, it was just a family discussion.

I was trying to explain that a school of
art doesn't mean like a high school.

It means a group method of painting.

Not in this case.

The Primavera School is an elementary school outside Rome.

All the pictures were painted by seven-year-old children.

You're a very perceptive critic.

Well, we've had our share of junior artists in our home.

My name is Stephen Douglas, and this is
Mr. O'Casey, my three boys, Robbie and Ernie and Chip.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Maggie Bellini.

Oh, you're the lady who...

Yes.

Yes.

I'm the lady who...

Maggie Bellini.

Well, aren't you the one who's donating
the whole new art center?

Ah, not exactly, no.

I... I offer to match any money that Bryant
Park could raise toward a new art center.

Well, that's wonderful.

She's loaded.

Ernie.

Well, she is.

I'm here for the afternoon to help stimulate interest.

Perhaps I could stroll with you and answer questions?

Well, we wouldn't want to monopolize your time, but...

Well, it'd be very nice of you.

Well, let's go this way first, gentlemen.

Now, this is what a seven-year-old Italian child
who hasn't seen a zebra thinks a zebra looks like.

That's pretty good.

Well, it looks like a zebra to me.

Yes.

Well, you've certainly stimulated our interest in art.

The boys just can't wait to get out the old crayons again.

Well, Mrs. Douglas will certainly hate me for that.

Oh, there's no Mrs. Douglas.

Just us five fellas.

I, uh, I didn't realize how tired I am.

I sure could use a cup of coffee.

You know I could, too.

Well, would you join me?

We could catch up with the boys later.

Fine.

Uh, Charley, we're going to get a cup of coffee.

You go ahead.

I'll keep a weather eye on the kids.

Fine.

Coffee for two, please.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I must admit this will be an
improvement over the coffee season.

Oh, this walking in high heels is m*rder.

Give me sandals and a bikini.

In the south of France, huh?

Oh, the beach at Rio.

This is a little off your beaten path, isn't it?

My jet set, London, Paris, Rome, beaten path?

Yeah.

I mean, a town like Bryant Park must
seem a little, well... I like Bryant Park.

I've never been here before, but my
grandfather Smith was born here.

Well, no, no, I just did it by thanks.

I'm hoping that the art center will be a memorial to him.

My maiden name was just plain old Maggie Smith, you know.

You're Mrs. Bellini, aren't you?

I mean, I read that you're married to an
Italian actor, Mario Bellini, isn't it?

That was last year, before he met a French actress.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you needn't be.

It was one of my minor mistakes.

Well, Mrs. Bellini... Maggie.

Well, Maggie, as a private citizen and the
father of three growing boys, I'd like to

thank you for bringing art appreciation to Bryant Park.

I wanted to do something permanent.

Even a butterfly must delight someplace.

And you know, at my age, the jet set does
start to seem a little ridiculous.

Thanks, Mr. Douglas.

Thanks?

For what?

For not feeling that you had to say
something flattering and insincere.

Laura.

Wash your hands.

Dinner's ready.

Oh, they're clean.

Where's Dad?

Eating out with the quality folks.

That rich lady called her, invited her out for dinner.

Boy, she sure got a nerve.

She came to pick him up.

Boy, was he surprised.

In a great big new car.

And he was embarrassed, but he was too
polite to tell her to get lost.

I thought it was like Cinderella.

I expected her to try a shoe on Dad before
she took him out.

I still say our fella should call a girl for a date.

Don't worry, Dad can take care of himself.

So, if she gets out of line, he's got
enough mad money to get home in a cab.

Well, he must like her personally.

He wouldn't be going with her just for the loot.

Yeah, now I would, but not Dad.

Boy, what a waste.

Here he strikes gold and he thinks it's wrong to dig.

Pardon me.

I have a reservation for two, for eight O 'clock.

The name is Douglas.

Let me see.

Here it is.

Douglas.

It's him?

This way, please.

Madame Bellini?

Yes?

But she is Madame Bellini.

That's right.

But you said Douglas.

My name is Douglas.

Oh, it is a terrible mistake.

A thousand pardons, Madame Bellini.

This way, please.

Well, this is a much nicer table, isn't it?

Ah, the magic of the name Douglas.

I guess he didn't quite catch it when we came in.

To Cassis, please.

Now, just a trace of vermouth.

It is Madame's favorite aperitif.

Now, Madame, might I have the honor of ordering for you?

Mr. Douglas.

Oh, yes, of course.

Why, let's see.

May I make a suggestion?

Well, sure, go ahead.

The shrimp remoulade, the poison au sauce
blanc, the spring lamb bouquetier,

and then I'll find the enormous
strawberries in a delightful rich cream.

Ah, what a shame.

That's exactly what I have for lunch.

I'll tell you.

Why don't you just bring us two mixed green salads with
Roquefort dressing and a couple of New York steaks medium?

And, uh, two baked potatoes with sour
cream and chives, huh?

That's exactly what I had in mind.

Coffee, lady?

Please.

Uh, coffee, lady.

I, I will personally supervise each dish.

My compliments.

Thank you.

Hmm, fruity, but a sound little aperitif.

I, uh, I read that somewhere.

Hold it.

Thank you, Madam Bellini.

Just one more, please, a little bit closer.

Boy, I can't see a thing.

Where'd everybody go?

Smile and pretend you can see.

If you get annoyed, they take horrible angles on purpose.

Thanks.

Madam Bellini, may I ask the name of your escort?

Douglas, Steve Douglas.

Mr. Douglas, how do you do?

Did you just fly in from the Riviera with Madam Bellini?

No, uh, no, I just drove over from Mill Street.

A native.

Thank you, Madam Bellini.

Maggie, uh, why don't we get out of here
and find someplace a little more quiet, huh?

Too late, Steve.

I've been all through this before.

Word is out, they'll follow us wherever we go.

Just pretend we're alone and ignore them.

Okay.

Okay, I'm just afraid they'll catch me eating with my
knife or something while they're taking your picture.

Of course.

I have a feeling that whatever you do will
be all right with me.

Oh, Steve.

Good morning, Dave.

How do you feel?

Oh, pretty good.

Look, I'm sorry about this.

Coffee?

Oh, no, thanks.

How about a cigarette?

No, nothing, thanks.

Dave, you don't have to let me down easy.

I know you had a deadline on this job, and, uh,
well, I've got an absolute... Ah, forget the deadline.

We'll handle it somehow.

But I knew the conditions when I took the job, and
I... I just haven't been able to come up with the answer.

You'd better put somebody else on it, Dave.

Maybe Fraser or Bennett.

I want Bennett or Fraser.

And I didn't call you about any deadlines, so relax.

Relax?

How can I relax?

Now, Steve, let's take the long view.

Now, you've done a lot of work for us as
an independent contractor.

But that means we have to take our chances
on getting you when we need you.

Or we'd never have any trouble working out my availability.

I know, but it's not businesslike.

Now, we'd like to make the arrangement permanent.

I've jotted down a few figures here.

Plus some prints.

Change benefits.

Vice president?

Well, not first vice president.

After all, I'm first vice president.

Stock options?

Well, we want you, Steve.

No, I'll go further than that.

We need you.

I came up here expecting to get chewed out for
missing an important deadline and I just don't get this.

Well, now you don't have to give us a quick answer.

Maggie Bellini still visiting Bryant Park
for the museum fund.

We'll dine tonight at the home of Stephen Douglas.

The Douglas family had better be prepared
for the Bellini entourage.

Martin, take the groceries to the kitchen.

Nice.

Yeah, it's the only one they built, experimental model.

Won't be out on the market until next year.

Mrs. Bellini wants me to drive it and make
regular reports to the factory on performance.

How much do they pay you?

Plenty.

For driving this dreamboat.

I've already written my first report on
cornering and road ability during English class.

Hey, look at this.

Not bad.

Should hold a lot of girls for a small cost.

Some job, huh?

Yeah, what about waiting on tables at the fraternity house?

Nah, I quit.

That's strictly for peasants.

This is gonna be taking all my time.

I've gotta run economy tests.

Yeah, well, just be sure you're home in
time to dress for dinner.

Our staff is going all out.

Oh, Miss Bellini coming over tonight?

Yeah, Maggie's dropping by at eight.

I don't know how we ever got along without her.

Yeah, I hope we don't ever have to.

Let's encourage Dad to get on the ball.

Yeah.

Uncle Charley.

Hi.

I have to do around six hours of homework.

Be back in an hour.

That doesn't make sense.

Sure it does.

It would take me six hours if I did it by hand.

All that math and stuff.

Who's doing it for you?

Mrs. Bellini gave me a note to a play she owns.

They got scientists, computers, and all that junk.

That's the modern way to do homework.

Wish we'd have had them when I was a kid.

See you, Uncle Charley.

Yeah.

Hiya, Miggins.

Anybody phone?

Madam Bellini, sir.

Martin is to pick her up at seven.

You guys got everything under control for dinner?

To be sure, sir.

Good.

I got a daytime serial to watch on TV.

Uh, uh, call me if the stove blows up.

Very well.

Uh, uh, the hat.

Hiya, Chip.

Hiya, Uncle Charley.

Well, if it snows here in the living room, you're ready.

I have to practice.

I'm going to Austria for the weekend.

It ought to be nice this time of the year.

Well, that's what she said.

She was going there herself, but she has
interests in Bryant Park.

I'll be back in time for school Monday.

Hey, if you want to learn how to ski, Austria is the place.

You know something?

What?

She's a pretty nice lady.

At first, I didn't think she should ask Dad for a date.

Keep after him all the time.

But now I think it's okay.

She can afford it.

Well, as long as you're on those things,
slot him over to the TV and turn it on.

You know, I never noticed how shabby that old set looks.

Good evening.

Your hat, sir.

Good evening.

My name is Douglas.

Who are you?

Miggins, sir.

Miggins?

Courtesy of Madame Bellini.

Would you care for a c*ck before or
after dressing for dinner, sir?

Well, I really haven't thought about it.

I'll have to let you know.

Very good, sir.

What's he doing here?

Which one?

Which one?

Madame, Monsieur, Monsieur O'Casey,
the chef would like to speak with you.

Tell him I'll be with him right away.

Thank you, sir.

It concerns the artichokes.

Charley.

You can have the paper.

All I want is the funnies.

Gotta be careful with them artichokes.

They just got here from Paris.

Paris?

What happened to the budget supermarket?

We're moving in a different circle now, Steve.

Steve, Madam Bellini is coming for dinner.

I know she's coming for dinner, Charley.

I invited her.

Inviting Maggie Bellini ain't like
inviting the kid next door.

This, uh, staff was her idea.

Oh, they travel with her.

If she pays them, why not use them?

Who invited who around here?

Steve, you might as well know that she's
gone all out to impress you.

I told her I was going to have a roast, so she
had a side of Kobe beef flowing in from Japan.

From Japan?

That's the only place where you can get this stuff.

They feed it beer and massage it every day
to make it tender.

You know, I'm beginning to feel a little
like a side of Kobe beef myself.

Something's rubbing me, too.

The wrong way.

Ah, come on, Steve, relax.

This is the way to live, believe me.

Sainty Claus has come to town.

Just give Miggins a yell and have him
bring you something cool and refreshing.

Hi, Dad.

Guess what?

I'm going skiing this weekend.

Oh, fine, Chip.

Chip, just be sure you clean up your homework before you...

Hey, wait a minute.

There hasn't been any snow on Moose Mountain in a month.

Well, not here.

Austria.

Oh.

Hey, Chip.

Austria?

Yeah, sure.

I'm jetting out Friday afternoon.

I'll be back Sunday night.

You're not jetting out of here or anyplace.

But Miss Mullaney arranged it.

She says everybody does it.

Not everybody.

Kind of.

Do I have to stick around this dopey town
the whole weekend?

That's enough, Chip.

Hey, Dad.

Those computers ran off my math home working nothing flat.

Computers?

Yeah.

We gotta get one.

Mrs. Bellini.

Who else?

Hey, Dad.

Come here.

Take a look at my new hot rod.

Your new hot rod?

Well, it's not really mine.

I'm testing it for Mrs. Bellini's company.

Oh.

Well, it's quite a car.

Yeah.

I could move up to a whole new class of
girls in a job like that.

Say, speaking of jobs, what are you doing home now, Ron?

Aren't you supposed to be hashing over at
the sorority house?

Well, me get dishpan hands?

No, Dad, I quit.

Uh-huh.

Excuse me.

Hello, could I speak to Mr. Welch, please?

Thank you.

Dave, this is Steve Douglas.

I'm sorry to bother you at home,
but I'd like to ask you a question.

Just how much stock does Mrs. Margaret
Bellini own in your company?

I'm just curious.

Controlling interest, huh?

I see.

Dave, I've thought over your offer, and the answer is no.

That's right.

Thanks very much, but no thanks.

Well, fellas, I hate to be a wet blanket, but, Rob, I
want you to take that car back the first chance you get.

And, Ernie, from now on, you'll do your
mathematics without the help of any computers.

And, Chip, you already know about your skiing weekend.

Now, wait a minute, Dad.

Mrs. Bellini wanted us to have this stuff.

Well, sure she did.

She said she wanted to make us happy.

Well, I'm afraid the Douglas family isn't
ready for the Bellini type of happiness.

I am.

Steve, some of us can adjust to luxury.

Others can't.

Yeah, I'd sure like to have the chance to try.

Me too.

Gosh, Dad, you're going to marry Miss Bellini.

We'll have to get used to being rich.

What gave you the idea I was going to marry Mrs. Bellini?

Dad, you'd be crazy not to.

Second emotion.

But I've known her less than two weeks.

Why?

How long does it take?

We know her well enough.

You do?

And you've decided she's someone you'd
like to share your home with?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, let's just see how well you know her.

Pretend I'm a stranger and describe her to me.

Rob.

Well, she's rich.

And she's got lots of money, too.

Chip.

Well, she likes to give presents to people.

Very generous.

Yeah.

And what else?

Well, now, come on.

This is supposed to be someone you know very well.

What else?

Okay.

The defense rests.

I'm going to call Mrs. Bellini and ask her
to go out to dinner.

But her staff is here, and her beef, and her artichokes.

Well, I hope you enjoy your dinner.

And I know Chip will love the ski run there.

I'll phone Binky Brunheim.

He's the Baron Brunheim.

Binky has a son, Chip Sage, and he's fabulous on skis.

Practically born on the slalom.

Maggie, Chip can't go on that little
weekend trip to Austria.

But it's no trouble at all.

The plane's just sitting out at the airport.

And Robbie won't be able to test that
experimental car, nurse.

Oh, but Steve, he's doing us a valuable service.

The teenagers want it.

Oh, I see.

I appreciate your attentions.

We all do.

Sort of a group rejection slip.

I guess I've blundered all over the place, haven't I?

Well, let's just say this.

We're all very fond of you.

And you're welcome to come to our home any time.

Empty-handed.

Empty-handed?

What would I have to offer?

The real Maggie Smith might be wonderful.

I'd like to meet her someday.

As far as I know, she doesn't exist.

Maybe if you looked hard enough, you could find her.

No, not anymore.

Maybe once.

But now I'm afraid to be seen without my
checkbook because people might not like me.

I'm too tired and unsure of myself to find out.

So it's here today and Rome tomorrow.

Well, sure you won't change your mind about having dessert?

Maybe some of those enormous strawberries with thick cream?

No, thank you.

I think it's time to check out and I want to call my pilot.

I think I may scoot over to Mallorca.

It's very g*y there right now.

Go, Florence.

Some place.

Maggie, I hope you find what you're looking for someday.

In one of those places.

Well, if I don't, there are always other places.

There's one thing about the world,
you know, full of other places.

Steve, even if I never see you again, I'll remember.

Oh, wait at the check, please.

You're in Bryant Park, remember?

Okay, if somebody doesn't help me with the
dinner dishes, I'm going to start throwing them.

Sorry, Uncle Charley, I've got to go get a
new fan boat for my car.

Otherwise, I'll have to push it to the dance tomorrow.

Why don't you try walking?

Walking?

Listen, it's going to be tough enough explaining to
Dolores that I don't have that experimental car anymore.

Okay, you two guys, you're elected.

She told me write a letter to Mrs. Bellini, telling
her thanks, but I won't be using her computer.

You've been writing that for two hours.

Tell you what, Charley, I'll give you a hand.

Okay, nothing like washing dishes to build a character.

Dad, Ernie and I will do the dishes.

Huh?

Come on.

Well, to what do we owe this generous impulse?

Oh, what Uncle Charley said about washing
dishes, building your character?

You've got plenty of character already.

Well,

first dibs on the funnies.

You sure you don't want the society page
all about the jet sets?

Thanks, Charlie.

I've had it with the jet set.

I think this is a little more my speed.