13x08 - Tides of Fortune

[bunniefuu]

[Jacks]
Oh, my God.

Live beaver there.

Dead beaver there.
Whoa. What do I do?

If I can honor this beaver,

then I believe
that he is worth taking.

Oh, [bleep].

These [bleep] jacks
are going for my fat.

I will have to protect
my meat much better.

I'm so glad that moose is...

[bowstring thuds]

[Aaron]
[bleep].

The arrow hit a tree.

Oh, my God,

I'm gonna beat the [bleep]
out of myself about it.

It's a sad day, though, boy.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Okay, day 31.

Coming in hot.

Just trying to fill
this glove with berries.

We're about
right there right now.

Hopefully we'll have
this thing topped right up,

and we can supplement berries
as we're eating bunnies

and hopefully moose.

♪ ♪

It would be hard to pick
berries when it gets cold,

but hopefully
it doesn't for a bit.

♪ ♪

Yeah, the lingonberries
still got crunch to them,

so it's nice to mix them
in with the blueberries,

because they're getting
a little bit mushy.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Gonna go for a little walk,
see if I can find an arrow.

♪ ♪

Missing the moose
was a big disappointment.

I should have been more calm,
more relaxed,

not letting the weight
of the competition

make me rush a shot
I shouldn't have taken.

But I have to dig deep.

I got to swallow my pride,
and we got to work harder now.

♪ ♪

I'm just gonna walk
this way for a second,

because I shot an arrow over.

I thought it went in the water,

but the water's receded so much.

It'd be nice to see a frickin'
broadhead sticking up.

♪ ♪

Wouldn't that be something?

I don't got broadheads.

I only have two blunts.

I got no chances of getting
a big game with them.

I don't know why I was sh**ting
broadheads at squirrels,

though, like
when I only had a...

♪ ♪

Whatever.

♪ ♪

It's in the past.

It's a new day... here.

♪ ♪

New day for luck.

I could easily hang it up
right now, but I won't.

No way.

There's too many people
I would be failing...

myself, obviously, number one,

Travis, my brothers, my dad.

♪ ♪

You know, my dad
taught me how to hunt.

No arrows.

Damn it.

My dad's just a blue-collar guy

that loves the outdoors.

He was very disciplined.

Zero, zilch, nada.

♪ ♪

Well, let's go
check on my snares.

♪ ♪

Growing up,
there was tough days,

but there was a lot of lessons
and a lot of things.

Like, even just, like,
setting snares,

my dad taught me.

It's a beautiful thing.

And hopefully that's gonna
carry me through to the end.

Oh, oh, we got a bunny.

I see feet.

Yeah, bunny.

Oh, yeah, bunny.

♪ ♪

One bunny in the bank.

We shall continue on.

♪ ♪

Coming up onto this.

Oh, [bleep],
we got another bunny.

♪ ♪

k*lling it.

♪ ♪

I knew this was
gonna be a good set.

This is a huge trail.

♪ ♪

Two-bunny day, folks.

Two-bunny day.

♪ ♪

I'm happy...

happy I had a good day
like this.

I was feeling pretty
down in the dumps.

We're back on track.

Put the old flag
up in the air today.

♪ ♪

Proud Canadian, so we will
raise her on the shelter.

♪ ♪

My Canadian flag.

I declare this day Canada Day.

I just got to do you guys proud
and win this thing.

♪ Oh, Canada ♪

♪ ♪

[Andrew] Snowed
a little bit last night

but nothing too extreme.

So, for breakfast,
I've got the last of the hare.

And after that,
I've got no food at all.

I'm just gonna savor
every tiny morsel of meat.

I think we get so used
to having food security

in the West that it barely
even occurs to us

that it's never really
been a normal thing.

I'm hoping that this hare will
give me all the energy I need

today to get everything
done that I want to do,

which is finish the coracle

and...

get some fishing done.

But we shall see.

♪ ♪

I've been making a coracle,
which is a small boat.

♪ ♪

I feel inspired.

That's the rough shape of it.

Now that the seat's in position,

I can weave more willow in,
which will help

to clamp the seat in place.

♪ ♪

Nice.

Back to the coracle.

♪ ♪

Oh, it's starting
to look like a boat.

Still needs a lot of work,
but it's getting there.

♪ ♪

It's taken me a lot longer
to build than I'd hoped,

because every time
I thought, I'll put my effort

and energy into
building the coracle,

the weather would turn.

But now that it's almost done,

I just want to get it
out on the water.

What I need to do is start
tying everything together

so it doesn't start
to pull apart.

And then once I've got
all the bottom part shaped

how I like it, I'm gonna flip
the whole thing over,

put the tarp on,
tighten that up...

and then I have
a finished coracle.

♪ ♪

A coracle is a traditional
Welsh watercraft

that would have been
a common sight on rivers

a century or more ago.

And there's something quite
nostalgic about seeing them.

Always remind me of home.

I just hope this isn't a waste
of time and energy today,

but...

at least
I'll have got it finished.

♪ ♪

I wanted to build a coracle
because it would be

a useful way of fishing.

It would be a way
to get to places

that I can't get to on foot.

That's good.
Okay.

♪ ♪

The lake, I can't access
huge areas of it

because of the dense undergrowth.

But by using a coracle,

I will be able
to paddle straight across

to access areas that are
potentially good for fishing,

as well as for hunting.

♪ ♪

I'll make a sliding knot here.

That will allow me to put
some tension on this.

So I'm just gonna roll it
into it so it's...

well secured.

I was thinking about names
for my coracle,

and one that came to mind
is the Welsh word "hiraeth,"

which roughly translates
as a sort of longing for home,

missing all the things
that home represents.

So I think that's
a perfect little nod

to its Welsh heritage.

Looks like the time has finally
come to launch the coracle.

♪ ♪

I'm pretty sure
I've built a very stable

and watertight craft,

but if the structure
is badly made,

the whole thing could just sink.

♪ ♪

My concern is that,
if I do get cold and wet,

I could find myself
becoming hypothermic,

and that would be
a very serious situation.

It's all ice.

Looks like water
a bit further out, but...

it's still a long way to go.

♪ ♪

At the very least, it would
mean having to tap out.

At the worst, it could put
my life in danger.

♪ ♪

It floats,
but I'm stuck in the mud.

♪ ♪

Oh, [bleep]!

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[chuckles]

Okay, it didn't damage anything.

My foot got stuck in the mud.

Oh, man.
Right.

[squeaking]

Okay, here we go.

This is it.

This is "Hiraeth"
on her maiden voyage.

I'm just gonna try and catch
a fish while I'm here.

That'd be pretty magical,
wouldn't it?

♪ ♪

Paddling a coracle differs
quite significantly

from a canoe or a kayak.

Whereas with a canoe or a kayak,

you paddle at the sides,

with a coracle,
you use a sculling motion,

which means that you almost
perform a figure-eight motion

with a paddle
at the front of the boat.

♪ ♪

I'm expecting the water to be
quite deep in the middle...

But the further I go out,
the more it becomes clear

that the lake,
as I keep referring to it,

is no more than a shallow pond.

Don't know if there is
any deep sections

that I can try fishing in.

Pretty shallow everywhere.

♪ ♪

It's disappointing,
because it means

that it's highly unlikely
to sustain

the kind of fish that I was
hoping to catch in there.

♪ ♪

This isn't quite the experience
I was planning.

♪ ♪

It'll be just like
the "Titanic" at this rate.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

"Hiraeth" is a sound boat.

The lake is the problem.

It's not much more
than ankle-deep.

And then as soon as you get
to slightly deeper water,

it's ice.

So can't catch fish in it.

I'm starting to think
my attention

is probably better put
towards the river now.

I think that was a success.

The boat works,
and that's progress.

"Hiraeth" of the seas...

or of the pond, anyway.

♪ ♪

I see a log over here.

We're gonna trap the beaver.

Perfect.

Oh, jackpot.
Oh, wow. Look at that.

Jackpot.

Yes.

Ah!

This is what I do every morning.

This is my breakfast.

This is my pantry right here.

[lips smacking]

♪ ♪

Okay, I need to hydrate.

This is my new water source.

♪ ♪

Initially, I was actually
going to one of the ponds,

and it was a good 300,


♪ ♪

This resource is a lot closer,

and it's kind of a marsh.

Definitely got to boil that.

And saves me a lot of effort
for carrying water every day,

which is nice.

[sighs] First thing
on the agenda today...

done.

♪ ♪

Okay, so the next thing,

a new location for my gillnet.

I think I've settled
around here.

I don't see
any beaver tracks, do I?

♪ ♪

That might be a good thing.

Well, it'll be
a very good thing.

Okay, so...

perfect for a gillnet.

The beaver is the bane
of my existence.

I put out setline.

I put a trotline out
and a gillnet,

and I see him destroying work
that I've done.

My net is utterly destroyed.

This doesn't really bode well
for Jacks's fishing.

[bleep]. See if we can fix
this monster of a trotline.

Look, there's
the culprit right there.

Right there.

Stop destroying
the things that I make!

It's reached the point
where it's personal

between me and this beaver.

I spent all this time
making a net,

and it's just destroyed.

It's soul-crushing.

Let's deploy this gillnet
and see what happens.

Recently, I found
the beaver lodge,

and now the potential to trap
the beaver is a lot higher.

I'm channeling
the beaver animal spirit,

and that is persistence.

♪ ♪

We can just pray.

Pray that it works.

God, I'd love a fish.

♪ ♪

Let's get out of here now.

Prime time, hunting time.

♪ ♪

Everything is pretty scarce
here in this immediate area,

but I still see some hare.

I don't see them every day,

but I try every day
to put some effort

into procuring them.

I didn't come into this
as a big hunter

or a trapper or a fisherman,
but this is an opportunity

for me to grow that skill set.

And while I may not be thriving,

I'm still doing it, you know?

I've got berries,
I've got plants,

I've got meat.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[exhales deeply]

[bowstring thuds]

Got a hare with a bow...
another one!

♪ ♪

Got him right in the head.

Wow.

♪ ♪

And we're taking him back.

We got rabbit to cook.

♪ ♪

You know, I think one of the
things that is keeping me here

is the ability to hunt.

Oh, yeah.

♪ ♪

You know, I actually thought
that hunting could be seen

as a waste of time.

If you have
a bunch of traps out,

you could be sitting
in your shelter

doing crafts instead of hunting.

[exhaling deeply]

But I'm finding a lot
of power in hunting.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

It makes me happy, you know?

It helps me to shift
from a bad day to a good day.

I really am
the Jacks of all trades.

I know a little about a lot,
but I feel like I know enough.

I'm living.
I'm doing it.

Oh, yeah.

[sighs]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[bird caws, Jacks groans]

♪ ♪

[Jacks groans]
Okay.

My stomach is feeling
really funny right now.

It's pretty cramped up.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[groans]

♪ ♪

[bleep].

♪ ♪

[groans]

♪ ♪

[breathes deeply]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Just wondering if I need
to, like, just lay down

for a second.

♪ ♪

[groans]

♪ ♪

[groans]

Not sure if I want to throw up
or not right now.

♪ ♪

[groans]

♪ ♪

Ugh.

Why would this
be happening to me?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Am I not hydrated enough
to digest?

♪ ♪

[groans]

♪ ♪

Oh, God, this is really painful.

[crying] I keep going through
these waves...

of nausea

to, like...

♪ ♪

Pain, just pain.

♪ ♪

And I don't know why.

♪ ♪

It just hurts so bad.

[bleep].

♪ ♪

[bleep].

[groans]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[sobbing]

♪ ♪

Oh, God, help me!

Please help me!

[groans, sobs]

♪ ♪

[grunts weakly]

[bleep].

[groans]

[groans]

[sighs]

I think I'm gonna
have to shift gears

for the next couple of days.

Okay.

I need to rest.

♪ ♪

[Andrew] The official launch
on a proper body of water

of "Hiraeth" the coracle.

You would not believe
how excited this makes me feel.

My entire nation will be singing

in jubilation that a coracle

is being launched in the Arctic.

[laughs]
Ah.

No, they won't give
a [bleep], but...

Anyway, I really care.

But this is a big deal for me.

And if I can catch some fish,

I am gonna be
one happy survivor.

♪ ♪

Now that I'm confident
in the fact

that my boat is
an effective watercraft,

I think it's time
that I tested it on the river.

That's a very different
body of water.

I'm very aware
that falling into the river

would present
much more serious hazards.

It's certainly a lot deeper.

There's quite a strong current,

and I could potentially
get washed downstream.

But the chance of catching
fish is much higher.

Right, let's try it.

So there's my bait...

my hand line ready to go.

And we're in.

So no weight.
Just letting it drift.

My dad's always been
interested in kayaking.

♪ ♪

He always inspired me
to be getting outside.

I think this might be
one of the best days

we've had yet

in terms of weather.

♪ ♪

He claims he was the first guy
to kayak-fish in the UK.

I can't verify that,
unfortunately.

♪ ♪

Come on, fish.

♪ ♪

Come on.

And every summer we'd take
a kayak and go catching fish.

♪ ♪

Come on, fishies.

♪ ♪

So by being on the coracle,
it reminds me of my family,

and it reminds me
that I haven't seen them

for a very long time.

♪ ♪

[object clattering]

No fish, unfortunately.

I've just used probably
several thousand calories.

So the plan is to take
a break from fishing

and not catching fish,

go and check the snares.

Take the bow...

hopefully...

get something.

♪ ♪

This is really
quite energy-sapping.

My inability to get food
at the moment

is becoming a real problem.

♪ ♪

I'm aware that
my calorific input

is extremely low.

I'm feeling tired.

And calories
I waste at this stage

could cost me a lot of time
at the end.

We're going on a little
scouting-c*m-hunting mission.

I'm gonna try and explore
a new area

which I think
could be quite productive.

♪ ♪

I am literally desperate
for food right now.

♪ ♪

I am so hungry, and...

I didn't think I'd be going
back to that situation.

So there's
a good game trail here.

That first two weeks was tough,

getting into
that sort of ketosis state.

And then I had a few hares,
and my body started to adjust,

and I started to feel
really good.

♪ ♪

But it seems to be
occasional runs of luck,

followed by a sort of period
of not much.

Wind is in my favor.

I've always seen nature
as my safe space,

a place to go
when life becomes tough.

But nature doesn't feel
quite so welcoming anymore.

I feel a lot smaller
and a lot more vulnerable

to the whims of nature,

and I'm well aware
that the circumstances

that are keeping me out here
can change

as quickly as the weather,

and I think I've come
to terms with that.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[bowstring thuds]

♪ ♪

Someone's looking out for me.

Who, I don't know, but...

definitely feels
like someone is.

♪ ♪

I've never had a solid belief
in any one faith,

but I think
when you're out here alone,

you can't help but analyze
the meaning of life

in a much more in-depth way
than you might

under normal circumstances...

Okay, this one's ready to cook.

Because being out here,
you're a part of nature.

If things aren't going well,

it's almost as if nature
is against you.

And then all of a sudden,
things start to come.

This will definitely go
a long way to helping

to put more back in
where I need it.

It's like if you suffer enough,

the rewards come.

♪ ♪

I don't know
what I've done, but...

thank you, whoever you are.

Very well done now.

The skin looks just crispy.

Perfect.

Mm, mm, mmm.

Oh, a couple of these a week,
a couple of hares a week,

the odd fish,
that'll be amazing.



Mmm, mmm.
Oh, my gosh.

Wow.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[Ziga]
Gosh, look at these mountains.

♪ ♪

Mountains are pretty much
without snow.

It's gonna be a very nice day.

Yeah, unfortunately,
a bit too warm,

but I think meat can handle it,

at least for one more day.

Don't want to dry all the meat.

It was so nice to have
some fresh one

for cooking.

Okay.

It's finally time for breakfast.

♪ ♪

I'm very thankful
for all this moose meat.

I'm not thinking
about any other game.

I don't need anything else.

The moose is gonna get me
all the way to the end.

Okay, time for food cache.

I can smell
some unpleasant smell.

I think it's just the hide.

[grunts]

[bleep].

♪ ♪

[bleep] damn it.

[bleep] damn it,
[bleep] damn it,

[bleep] damn it.

I really have to figure out
what is happening.

♪ ♪

It's maybe just slivers,

but they are spoiling.

They don't look the best.

♪ ♪

There's one part
that is kind of...

suspicious to me.

Definitely have to take action
with this food.

And this weather...

sucks.

Things are turning...

in direction that I don't like,

and I should stop it.

No question.

No matter how much energy
I spend,

this is now...

number-one priority...

is meat preservation.

♪ ♪

I had a lot of time
to preserve this meat,

but I didn't do it.

I was lazy.

I was hoping for cold weather

and to process meat slowly,

with cooking
a few pieces each day.

But now I will have
to smoke everything.

♪ ♪

I feel a lot of pressure,

because I really
don't want to be remembered

as guy who shot a moose
and let it spoil.

Guys, this food cache
was really a mistake.

It's definitely one
of the worst days so far,

and I have to give everything...

everything... to prevent this.

Okay, now things are getting

under control slowly.

Let's keep on processing.

♪ ♪

I have to carefully cut away
all the surface

from big pieces

and then interior cut
in small pieces

and prepare them for smoking
in my shelter.

And I want to smoke everything
in one round.

I know these parts
can be super chewy.

♪ ♪

Success, for me, it's not
necessarily winning at all,

but, still, I would like
to represent my country.

It's what defined me,

and we have a great source
of knowledge

from our old people

that were living close
to nature.

And I think
that this old knowledge

was disappearing.

But now I think
we are starting to realize

that we are missing this part
of being connected to nature.

When these old people will die,

a lot of knowledge
will die with them.

So that's why I feel
so passionate about it.

And I just want to pass
this down

to my son...

because I think
it's important for kids

to grow up finding joy

in simple things.

Another round of jerky...

and then another
and then another.

And then also this.

Oh, gosh, it's gonna be
a very long night.

Very long.

Inner peace is actually
much more important

than what you are showing
on the outside,

and I want to live
this way for him.

♪ ♪

I filled the shelter with jerky.

I have to sleep outside.

[sighs]

So today's diary...

no more spoiling.

That's all.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Yeah, if "Alone"
was a board game,

which it should be,

because that would be
a kick-a*s board game.

Like, you got your stereotypical

sort of, like, characters
that you could choose from,

you could play.

There's, like, the hunter.

♪ ♪

There's the fisherman.

♪ ♪

There's the forager.

♪ ♪

And, you know,
there's the trapper.

And the game board...
the land decides for me

which role it's gonna play.

And it's basically
telling me just,

dude, you're the trapper,

and that's the role
you're gonna play.

And I'm like...

okay, that's what I'm doing.

That would be pretty cool...

an "Alone" board game.

All right,
let's finish this off.

Get a fire going.
Try this guy out.

Might as well
just cook up my meal.

♪ ♪

Food's over the fire.

So I'm gonna keep working
on my wreath

for my door.

I've got, like, the main frame
sorted out.

Coming along quite nicely.

I'm just gonna pop down
and grab some

of the lighter, thinner stuff
and kind of add it to this,

and then I'm gonna mount it.

It's gonna be one of my fun
self-care morale projects

for today.

♪ ♪

I'm eating well.
Digestion's well.

Just feel like I'm starting to
just hit my stride out here.

Got my bundle.

But fishing's been a b*tch.

Not really much method
to what I'm doing here.

I'm just...

♪ ♪

Kind of going with the flow.

On the surface, it looks
like a fisherman's dream,

but there is just snags
everywhere.

Every time I cast out,
always getting snagged,

always just losing line
and hooks.

There.
Pretty happy with that.

It's a cool-looking wreath.

Time to go put it on my door.

So right now I don't want
to just put all this energy

and effort into the fishing.

♪ ♪

That's pretty good.

Hopefully the lake,
I mean, fully freezes over,

and I can walk on it, and
I can just drop a line down.

But for now, I'm good as gold.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Wreath done.

[chuckles]

Pretty damn happy with that.

It's time to eat.

Time to eat.

♪ ♪

Anybody who sort of,
like, knows bushcraft,

survival skills,
they can see that...

what I'm doing out here
is nothing special.

♪ ♪

We have a leg,
and I have the other leg,

the head, and the ribs tonight.

I'm not really pulling out
any, like,

crazy advanced tricks
or techniques or anything.

I'm keeping it simple.

♪ ♪

Ah, yum.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

Working the basics,
working the fundamentals,

they get you to places.

They lead to success.

I'm gonna drink all this broth.

♪ ♪

But it wasn't until my son
came along, and I was like,

what sort of childhood
do I want to give him?

And, immediately, I was like,
I want him to be outside.

But I didn't know
where to start at all.

And I literally
just hopped online.

I was like, how to do things
outside with your kids?

And then all of a sudden,
I came across bushcraft.

And so I did my very first
bushcraft course,

and I just loved it.

And I want to have
these experiences with him

that bring him and I together
but also give him skills

and appreciation
for the outdoors.

Wow.

The water level...
starting to really drop.

There's lots of little fish
that have just been caught,

stuck in here.

I'm just trying to
get them onto land.

♪ ♪

Oh, there's some more just here.

Whoa, there's
a whole bunch of them.

♪ ♪

They're alive.

Water level's dropped, and...

thus, being caught out.

And there's
some bigger ones here, too.

♪ ♪

Another one just here.
[grunts]

Holy crap, there's heaps.

Look at them all.

Holy [bleep].

♪ ♪

Whoops. Threw that one back
in the water.

♪ ♪

My hands are getting frozen.

I need to actually get
my waterproof gloves,

I think...

and come back
and finish this off.

♪ ♪

I remember back
on day one or two,

I saw, like, one or two little
whitefish near Broken Bridge.

Just gonna get ones
I've collected

in the bag first.

Start a count.

♪ ♪

I didn't really think
anything much of it.

I just grabbed them
and used them as bait.

It's maybe one of those
little signs

which I might have
picked up on back then,

but I'm very, very grateful

that the fish are getting stuck.

One, two.

You have these ideas about
bringing in these massive fish

on these lines or in your
gillnet, and it doesn't work,

but it doesn't mean
that there's not fish around.



And this bridge
that I've built...

I never thought of it
as some sort of,

like, horizontal fish weir,

but now that
I actually look at it,

that's exactly
what's happening here.

I'm not sure whether the fish
are just trying to migrate

through to the big river or
something else is causing them

to come through here,
but food's food,

and that's a sustainable
food source right there.



So now I need to reinforce
this fish wire

to adapt something that nature

kind of really provided for me.

Wow.

Just wow.

And I'm just gonna keep
working this as long as I can.

Nature is like, hey, Nero,
you're actually listening.

♪ ♪

I've got 89 in here.

Grab, like, an average-size one.

There's your average-size
little guy.

For the guy who can't catch
anything, any fish,

who's caught two pike
this whole entire time...

I just increased...

my fishing total

up to 91 fish.
[chuckles]

There's a whole meal
right there, easily.

There's, like,


I'm not gonna gut them
or anything.

I'm just gonna cook them up.

But that's just...

♪ ♪

[splutters]

Cray-cray, man.

♪ ♪

The land provides.

It nourishes me.

I will be fed.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[Nero] Let's see what
little fishies are stuck.

♪ ♪

Wow.

Holy crap.

I got a burbot.

Got my bag o' fish.

I tell you what, though, like,
I know it's a big, big choice,

because, yeah,
it's one of your ten items,

but having salt?

Oh, my gosh.

It's just... that is a block
of morale right there.

That is just...

like, psychologically
and intuitively

as, like, to help with hydration

and water retention.

And, yeah, intuitively for me,
it was like that...

salt is the right choice
for one of my ten items.

[soft music]

It's a good... good size.

♪ ♪

We're gonna smoke that up.

♪ ♪

I'm sure people wonder, like,

why would you do this
for a TV show?

♪ ♪

I'm here for my own
personal growth and journey,

but also because,
being out here,

I think about my relationship
with my dad growing up

and just get this sense
of just absence.

♪ ♪

There's our burbot liver.

Into the pot it goes.

♪ ♪

Start counting.

My parents were working
a lot of the time.

They were supporting us
economically,

but I didn't understand
that as a child.

All I saw was that they spent
a lot of time working

and not a lot of time with me.

Oh...[sighs]

I'll try and space these out.

Some of them are
pretty damn small.

There's a couple larger ones

I might just slit
down the middle.

Help dry 'em out.

You had this idea
as a child of, like,

what your relationship
should be with your dad.

And we'd go through
little bits and pieces,

but it wasn't what I thought

a relationship with my dad
should be like.

There's 23.

It always just left me
in a place

of just uncertainty
about myself.

That big guy there is 44.

♪ ♪

All right,
get this hanging in Grug,

and then I'll hang those two
separately in Grug.

I'll gut that one as well.

And smoke away.

That's why I make the effort
with my boy.

♪ ♪

Being outdoors with him,

it's so important to me.



That might make me
the most successful fisherman

in "Alone" history.

I don't want him to feel
the way that I did.

That's my goal as a father.

♪ ♪

Good to get some fish
into my system.

I don't know, like, how much
fats and oils are in whitefish.

Pretty mild, actually.

Not really a lot
of fishy flavor at all.

This is the sort of fish
I could get used to.

No bones.

Well, there are bones, but not
picking bones out of meals.

Life be crazy.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[Jacks] So I'm not really sure
what's going on.

♪ ♪

My first theory is that...

I realize that while
I'm disinfecting the water,

it's not actually pulling out
what might be in there,

and that is iodine.

Maybe a small portion every day,

it's actually stripping
my stomach

and k*lling good bacteria.

Theory number two.

So about 12 years ago,

I had my gallbladder removed,

and I think
what's happening is that

bile is building up
in my stomach.

So what that means is
I need fat.

♪ ♪

Um... I need fish.

I need a beaver.

I need something.

So I'm gonna check
that beaver trap.

♪ ♪

You know, and I think
just that subtle movement

of using your body,
it's just a really nice

distraction from how
uncomfortable I am right now.

It's also
a really nice distraction

from how serious is this?

I'm not ready to give up.

I'm not ready to remove myself
from this experience.

I want to thrive.

And if I leave,
no one will see my comeback.

You know,
with a half a million dollars,

I could have a home.

It's the thing that I crave
the most in my life right now.

[tense music]

You know, like,
I live in a vehicle.

And I love traveling.

I love meeting new people.

It allows me to teach
in the Eastern Woodlands.

It allows me to teach
in the desert.

But at the same time,
living in a van,

it can be pretty isolating.

And as I get older,

I think there is
something to be said

about planting roots
and creating community.

Someday I might have
to pull these traps,

'cause they're just too far.

♪ ♪

I want to host a holiday
for my family.

I've never done that ever.

I want to cook for them.

I want them to be in my home
and see what brings me joy

and share it with them.

Careful, steady.

And I would give anything
for that right now.

♪ ♪

Hmm.

Okay.

What's happened here?

[tense music]

I'm at the beaver trap area...

but both the snare, the anchor,

and the float are gone.

♪ ♪

It looks like I caught a beaver,

but where is it?

♪ ♪

Maybe I'm lucky.
Maybe he got out.

What if he went off
in a different direction?

What if he was coming out
when he got caught?

♪ ♪

Doubtful from the way it looks.

All I see is essentially
debris of a struggle.

So something happened.

It could have got
tangled in the snares

and died somewhere,

and I'm starting to fear
that I'm not gonna be able

to retrieve his body
to properly honor his life.

♪ ♪

Look at all the stumps
from what the beaver has taken.

Just like me.

And I think about its home
and its family.

And those are
the things that I want.

What a horrible thing.

♪ ♪

What a horrible thing.

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

I would always respect an animal

out of being compassionate.

But I think that there is
a very good possibility

that I k*lled this animal,

and my biggest fear
just came to life,

that I became the m*rder*r
that I didn't want to be.

♪ ♪

I am not okay right now.

♪ ♪

I did the thing that I was
so afraid that I was gonna do,

to take its life and not
have the ability to honor it.

♪ ♪

[sniffs]

The only thing I can think of

is to just pray that he got out.

♪ ♪

I feel absolutely awful.

♪ ♪

I feel like I don't deserve
to be here anymore.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[Jacks] I don't know.

I keep thinking
about the beaver.

♪ ♪

[tense music]

I don't know.

♪ ♪

I just wish I could see him.

♪ ♪

I have seen no sign
of this beaver for days.

[sighs]

Man.

Maybe I can still honor
this one in some way.

♪ ♪

I'm taking the beaver trap down.

That last one that's there.

I decided to stop
pursuing the beaver.

♪ ♪

Even though I know
that I need fat,

it feels like nature is
turning its back on me.

♪ ♪

And in the back of my brain,
all I can think about

is how I wish I could
call my mother

and tell her, "I love you."

♪ ♪

The frozen berries
taste like candy.

I would say my childhood
was pretty normal.

My mom and I had
a really great relationship.

She cared a lot about other
people, quite literally.

I mean, she was a nurse.

But my mom was always putting
others before herself,

and she was always
kind of putting

self-care to the wayside.

Out here, I'm realizing that

I'm not very different from her,

and I never made
that connection before.

Self-care should be a priority.

I only have one shot
on this planet.

I only have one shot to be
the best version of myself

I could possibly be.

♪ ♪

Here we go.

Being a hunter,
you're tapping into

a law of nature
that you are a part of.

And with those laws comes
responsibility

and also consequence.

I knew that going into this,
but this is the first time

feeling the weight.

And I'm feeling a darkness
and a guilt.

Better.

And that's the biggest lesson.

I need to step up
and move forward.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Mm, that sun is very warm.

Whoa.

Huh. Really?

[water splashing]

[suspenseful music]

No...

[bleep]...

way.

♪ ♪

Oh...

my [bleep] God!

Whoo!

I got a [bleep] fish finally!

Yeah!

Ha-ha!

Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!

[uplifting music]

♪ ♪

Hey, chill, buddy.

Chill.

♪ ♪

[groans]

Look at the [bleep] size
of this fish.

Holy [bleep].

Ow.

♪ ♪

Finally!

Yeah, buddy!

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

♪ ♪

Thank you, gillnet.
Thank you, universe.

Thank you, fish.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna cook him really good.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Mmm.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

I don't care if
my stomach hurts after this.

It's so buttery.

Oh.

This beaver has taught me
a lot about persistence,

has taught me
a lot about family,

and it's taught me
a lot about home.

Is the other side done?

♪ ♪

Oh, it is, thank God.

Okay.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

My obsession with home
is growing out here,

and the beaver
showed that to me.

Ah!

♪ ♪

[laughs]

♪ ♪

So now I have an opportunity

to live a life beyond
my wildest dreams.

I have to win.

♪ ♪

I needed this.

I needed this so bad.

Oh, it's [bleep] awesome!

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[Ziga] Here I can collect clay
for a project.

I will show you how to make
a very quick pot.

That's very nice.

So what's happening today?

Well... you know,

it's my son's
and father's birthday.

Brought all this clay up here
and made a... made a pot.

It ended up quite nice
and big pot.

Quite useful.

So what I'm going to do now

is focus on birthday stuff.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

I finally finished
processing meat.

I'm storing it in the shelter

and also in my trousers
and my T-shirt.

I just use whatever.

♪ ♪

It feels very good
that meat is secure.

And I really feel
that now, finally,

I have some time to take rest

and do stuff that I want to do.

Well, I have to pick up
some food.

♪ ♪

I'm dedicating this day

just to do something
for my son and my father.

♪ ♪

Okay, lingonberries are out.

♪ ♪

Now also crowberries.

So I made a pot from clay.

I'm making a cake and a candle.

And in the evening,
I'm going to eat it

and light a candle
and think about them.

[tense music]

I will wash these berries

and start making marmalades.

♪ ♪

My son is turning two years,

and my father is turning 67.

It feels quite bad
not to be there with my son.

I mean, he's only
two years old now,

and he probably doesn't miss me,

but it's more for me, you know?

I feel very bad
because I would like

to be there and see him
playing and developing,

and I just can't.

♪ ♪

Okay.

Marmalade is cooking.

♪ ♪

Now I need to find appropriate
candidates for candles.

But I'm here for a good reason.

The candle is basically
going to be a Swedish torch.

And I believe this can really
benefit also his future.

And there's gonna be
a lot of time

when we will spend
amazing time together.

So I should keep on
pushing here.

♪ ♪

[singing in Slovenian]

[speaking Slovenian]

This is cake.

Bor, two years.

I will eat this cake
and think of my son

and also of my father

and all the good times
we had together.

I'm glad I made
something for them

and I thought about them.

Yeah, I don't...
I try not to think too much

about this stuff,
because, of course,

it makes it harder for me.

But, yeah, today is the day
to think about them a lot.

[tense music]

My parents actually enabled me
amazing childhood,

and I would definitely love
to give something similar

also to my kids.

And I feel that it's not going
in a very similar way.

It's very good.

Going always for newer
and newer projects

and making a career,

it's not necessarily
the best thing for your child.

♪ ♪

I think I will sit
on the candle.

♪ ♪

My brother and my sister,
they both have a son

of the same age as my son.

This can be amazing thing
for my son growing up

and having these strong bonds.

But my sister and brother,

they both live in the same town

where my parents are.

And at the moment,
I live in the capital.

Being so much time away
from everything,

I realize I would like
to be more social,

going more for type of holidays

that I had in my childhood,

and also enable something
like this for my kid.

Time to start the candle.

Maybe I should start doing
things a bit different.

That's my wish for his birthday.

♪ ♪

Happy birthday, Bor.

Happy birthday, Primoz.

[speaks Slovenian]

I miss you,
but I'm here for a reason.

There will be a lot
of good times together.

But not now.

Not yet.

[howling]