07x06 - If at First

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© BF-WATCH TV 2021 Officer, wait just a minute.

I just pulled in there.

I didn't have any change.

Well, this will fix it.

Oh, I'm afraid it won't, sir.

You see, you were parked and the red indicator was off.

Yes, I know.

It's down now.

Yes, sir, it's down all right.

So we can just forget about the ticket.

No, sir, I'm afraid not.

But, officer, I've only been parked here
for a minute, or two minutes at the most.

I believe you, sir.

Well, fine, now that you understand,
we can just forget the ticket.

No, sir.

Officer, I understand you're just doing your duty.

Yes, sir, I am.

May I see your driver's license, please?

Driver's license?

I thought you just stuck those citations on the windshield.

Well, only when the driver's not here.

Stephen Douglas, 837 Milster.

That's where Robbie Douglas lives.

You must be Robbie's father.

Well, yes, I am.

Do you know Robbie?

Yes, we're good friends.

We're in the same class as the college students.

I just do this part-time.

You're good friends, huh?

Well, it's nice meeting you, officer.

Malone, Vicki Malone.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Douglas.

Well, thank you.

Well, Vicki, I must say I admire Robbie's taste.

Where has he been hiding you?

I mean, why haven't I seen you around?

Oh, you'll see me tonight.

I'm invited to your house for dinner.

You're coming to the house for dinner?

That's wonderful.

Your driver's license, sir.

Oh, well, thank you, Vicki.

And your citation.

You mean you're still going to...

Oh, yes, sir.

Of course, I wouldn't want any special
favors just because you happen to be a

friend of Robbie's or because you're
coming to our house for dinner tonight.

Of course not.

It's only two dollars.

Two dollars and ten cents, now.

Mr. Douglas, you're funny.

Just like Robbie.

I'll see you at dinner tonight.

Mr. Douglas.

May I see your driver's license again, please?

Again?

Oh, I'm sorry.

About what?

This license expired a month ago.

Well, I'll have it renewed the first chance I get.

Oh, you better do it immediately.

Oh, yes, I will.

Mr. Douglas, I'm afraid this ticket's
going to cost you five dollars.

I mean, you're going to give me a...

I'm sorry.

Who's going to answer the phone?

Who's going to answer the phone?

I know.

Me.

Hello?

Horror Club?

No, Mr. Douglas isn't home yet.

Can I give him a message?

Parking ticket?

What parking ticket?

All right, I'll tell him.

Hi, Ernie.

Hey, wait a minute.

What are you slamming the door for?

What are you sore about?

Women.

I'm through with women.

Oh, the little girl across the street?

Don't mention Ginger's name in front of me.

Well, look, I thought you two were skateboard pals.

She's cheap.

That's what she is.

C-H-E-E-P.

Five pieces of bubble gum, and she
wouldn't let me have one little single hump.

Maybe she likes to blow great big bubbles.

I don't care if I ever see another woman again.

Yeah, well, you're going to see her soon,
because Robbie is bringing home a woman to dinner.

I'll eat my room.

Yeah, well, you'll eat at the table.

Under the table.

Yeah, well, you'll sit up with the rest of us,
and what's more, you'll wear a great big smile.

Okay, I'll smile, but you won't know what I'm thinking.

Yeah, madam?

Are the questions hard?

Oh, yes, very hard, so you'll be sure to
answer them carefully.

I will, thank you, sir.

Good morning, I just dropped in to renew
my driver's license, and I am in total hurry.

Oh, yes, sir, may I see your old license, please?

Oh, sir, this license has expired.

Oh, yes, I know that.

That's why I'm here.

See, once you let it expire, you have to
pass a written test.

A written test?

I mean, well, I've been driving for over 25 years.

I'm an aeronautical engineer.

It's the law, sir.

Oh.

You are?

True or false?

And are you sure you don't want to study the manual first?

As I said, I've been driving for over 25 years.

I'm an engineer.

I'll just check them off you in a hurry.

Sir, I would suggest the counter.

Oh, and I wouldn't be too hasty.

I don't think I'll have any problems, thanks.

My, you're fast.

Well, I should know how to drive by now.

No conversation, please.

I gotta get this bank open.

Emergency.

Emergency?

Blow out the fuses on your electric guitar?

This is serious.

I got a notice from the library today.

I owe him a $3.60 fine.

What'd you forget to return?

The whole encyclopedia?

What do you know?

Just a little short.

You know how your dad feels about that kind of negligence.

I'm raiding my bank so he won't find out.

Well, maybe I can help you out.

How much do you need?

Well, I've got 60 cents.

All I need is $3.

I can't help you out.

What else?

Give me a life.

You'll just have to brace yourself and face the music.

Six wrong?

Two over the limit.

Now, may I suggest that you study the
manual a little before taking the test again?

Well, we have a manual at home, thanks.

I'll be back the first thing in the morning.

We open at nine.

Well, how did you do?

Well, very good, madam.

Well, that's 100% correct.

Now, you take this over to window four,
and the clerk will take care of you.

Thank you, sir.

Hi, Steve.

Hi.

Boy, what a day.

A little rough, Dad?

Miserable.

Excuse me, Chip.

I think I'll brace myself and face the music
tomorrow, so... Okay, but I'll gorge your four cents more.

Steve, we're eating in the dining room.

Robbie is bringing home a college girl to dinner.

I know.

You having financial difficulties, Chip?

No, not me.

The library.

They're $3.60 short.

Would you mind repeating that a little more clearly?

Well, you remember the last time I took a
book out and forgot to return it?

You've done it again?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I hate to ask you, but I need $3.

I know how you feel about negligence.

Oh.

Well, there you are, Chip.

$3.

You mean I get it just like that?

No sweat, no lecture on negligence?

Well, what's the father for, Chip, if he
can't give his son $3 when he needs it?

Thanks.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi.

Vicki tells me you two already know each other.

Good evening, Mr. Douglas.

Yes, hello, Vicki.

Oh, this is Chip, the middle one.

Hi.

And this is Ernie, the little one.

Hi.

This is Vicki, you guys.

Yes, Rob.

Officer Malone and I met this morning.

Officer Malone?

She's a policeman?

Miss Malone is what they call a meter maid.

She gives out parking tickets.

I'm sorry about that ticket, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, don't worry about it, Vicki.

I know it was nothing personal.

Well, I'm particularly sorry about that second citation.

I mean, anybody can let their driver's license lapse.

It's no crime.

At worst, it's negligence.

Oh, Charlie.

Yeah?

Uh, how's dinner coming?

Oh, be ready by the time you wash up.

Oh, hello, Liza.

Oh, no, Uncle Charlie, this is Vicky.

Hi.

The way they run in and out of here,
they all ought to have one name.

Oh, I almost forgot, Steve.

The Odo Club called, said they couldn't
take care of that ticket you got this

morning until you passed the driver's test.

Oh.

Dad, don't worry about that driver's test.

A child at 12 could pass it.

Then I must be 11.

Will you excuse me, Dad?

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Uncle Charley, does Dad feel any better?

He was trying not to let Vicky see it,
but he could tell he felt rotten.

Sure he did.

Getting a ticket and flunking an exam on
the same day was bad enough.

But having Vicky sit right across from him all evening.

Oh.

Oh.

She felt rotten, too.

That's all she could talk about when I took her home.

I think he's better.

He's in his room studying the traffic manual.

Chip and Ernie are upstairs doing their
homework, and Steve is upstairs doing his.

Imagine, Dad's doing homework.

It's like he's one of us again.

I'll be coming, Dad.

All right.

Well, the question's tough.

Well, not when you've got the answers in front of you.

Robbie, loan me his manual.

Here, come on, Chip.

Give me a couple.

Okay.

When driving through fog at night,
is the best to use your A, high-beam

headlights, B, parking lights, C, low-beam headlights?

Low-beam headlights.

Correct.

That's crazy.

People should stay home when it's foggy.

What is the arm signal for making a left turn?

Left arm straight up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Right.

And a right?

Arm straight up.

Or you can use your flasher lights.

When coming to a stop?

Arm straight down.

I was driving behind a woman to put her
arm out the window like this.

Doesn't mention that signal here.

She was waving to a friend.

Okay, Aaron, any question?

Here's one, Dad.

What does the green light represent?

Why was there all that easy?

Go.

Yellow.

Caution.

Red.

Stop.

Yellow and red.

Yellow and red?

Now don't tell me.

I'll get it.

No, you won't.

I made it up.

It's so tricky.

Oh, come on.

Well, that ought to do it.

Thanks, fellas.

You sure you don't need any more coaching?

I know the questions backwards.

I could give you the correct answers in my sleep.

And sleep is what you fellas better be getting to.

Good night.

Okay.

Bye, Dad.

Yellow and red.

Oh, yeah.

Stop.

It's cool, boss.



Now, if you'll take this to window four,
the clerk will give you your license.

I think I did a little better this morning.

I really boned up with that manual.

I practically know it backwards.

Well, good.

I noticed it took a little more time to
study the questions.

I was a little overconfident yesterday.

Oh, excuse me.

I left my pipe over here.

Sure.

Now, as I recall, yesterday you had six wrongs.

Yes.

Can you imagine that?

Six wrongs.

Today, you have seven.

Seven?

But that's impossible.

You must have made a mistake.

I'll check it again.

You're right.

Well, I knew I couldn't have had seven wrong.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight wrongs?

I just don't believe this.

I mean, I'm supposed to have a few brains.

Same time tomorrow?

Yes, I guess so.

Douglas,

isn't it a beautiful day?

It was.

Was?

I just took my test again.

And you're flunked.

With a capital N.

You know what I need?

One of those books to improve your memory.

I think I'll pick one up on the way to the office.

Mr. Douglas, I think you'd better walk to the office today.

Walk to the office?

Why?

Well, if you flunked your driver's test, then you don't
have a license, and you can't drive without a license.

Well, I guess maybe I'll have to call a
cab and ride around the cab today.

But that wouldn't be such a good idea, because I'd have to
leave the car here, and then I'd get another parking ticket.

Now I know what Robbie means about wheels.

Well, I guess I'd better call Uncle Charlie.

He can come down and drive me around all day.

I'll use the phone in there.

Bye.

I hope this isn't going to be a habit.

Driving you around all day has upset my whole schedule.

Don't complain about what you're going to get for dinner.

I won't.

That's good, because I'm serving leftovers from
yesterday that were left over from the day before.

Charley, I just don't understand how I
could have failed again.

Well, if it was a kid, I'd say he was stupid.

Twice I flunked the test, Charley.

Twice.

May I make a suggestion?

What?

Buy yourself a horse.

Dad?

Hmm?

Can you drive me off to the wide man?

You can drop me off at Ray Evans' house.

Well, you'd better ask Robbie or Uncle Charley, hmm?

Oh, you busy?

No, I'm not busy.

You flunked the test.

Yes, yes, I did.

How was school today?

You flunked.

Ernie, we've covered that.

Now, let's change the subject, hmm?

Are you going to take the test again tomorrow, Dad?

Well, the way things are going, I may wait
till next year and take it when you take yours.

Hey, that'll be good.

Then you can both study together.

Yeah, that'll be great.

Charley will be ready in ten minutes.

Well, I'll have to eat later, Charley.

I've got some work to do.

Come on, Ernie.

Finish it.

I'm worried about Dad.

He's got some important work to get out.

At dinner time, what's more important than dinner?

You know why Dad didn't come down to eat?

He's a failure.

And he couldn't face us.

He'll eat later.

And stop making the federal case out of a traffic ticket.

It's not the traffic ticket.

It's the flunking.

Imagine, a dad flunking.

Twice.

Eddie Revis flunked chemistry twice.

How come?

He was stupid.

Dad isn't exactly stupid.

He's a very smart man.

Ask anybody.

Then how come he flunked?

Twice.

Stop saying that.

It was conditions beyond his control.

Like when the TV picture goes kerflooey.

Yeah.

There's gotta be a scientific answer.

Even for that.

Look, you guys.

It's times like this a guy needs his family.

When you kids are in trouble, you're dead.

Don't go around asking a lot of foolish questions.

He's right on hand to help.

This time, he's in trouble.

All right.

All right.

With Robbie eating out, that makes me the oldest son.

It's up to me to have a man-to-man talk with Dad.

All right.

Still.

Working, eh, Dad?

Yeah, I'm still at it, Chip.

Why don't you knock off for a while and come downstairs?

Uncle Charlie's keeping you a dinner one.

Well, I can't right now, Chip.

It's kind of important.

I'd like to finish it.

Dad, I'm your son.

You can level with me.

Work isn't the reason you're not hungry.

I know exactly what you're going through.

Oh, you do?

Sure.

Every man has his ups and downs.

Times when he says to himself, I'm a failure.

Well, no matter what anybody says, in
my book, failure or no failure, you're okay.

Chip, I appreciate that.

Sure you're feeling low, but that's only natural.

Great men have always had to bounce back from failure.

You take Robert Fulton.

What about Robert Fulton?

His first steamboat blew up.

It did?

I didn't know that.

Neither did I.

That's why I flunked history.

But I bounced back.

Got a C+.

That's right, you did.

Everybody misses out once in a while.

Paul Ian, Washington, Einstein,
and Mickey Mantle only hit .260 one year.

Absolutely right, Chip.

Feel better?

Yes, yes, I feel better.

Then why don't you come on down and eat?

Well, maybe later, Chip, but I'd kind of
like to finish this.

Okay.

How'd you make out?

I didn't get through to him.

Poor man.

Is he coming down to eat?

I doubt it.

He's brooding about being a failure.

He's afraid it hurts his image.

I'll try and reach him.

Come in.

I don't care how you feel.

You've got to have something in your stomach.

Oh, well, thanks, Ernie.

That's very thoughtful.

It's the least I can do.

We're relatives, aren't we?

All right, so you missed the driving test.

It's not the end of the world.

I guess that's one way of looking at it.

It's the only way.

And I don't care what they think at the
motor vehicle department.

In my book, you're not stupid.

Well, thanks, Ernie.

You're my father, and you're the smartest man in the world.

Ernie, I'm afraid there are smarter men in the world.

Well, not really.

Not many.

And I'm not just saying that to make you feel good.

You're not, huh?

Well, maybe just a little.

Now, come on, eat.

Well, I'll eat in a minute, Ernie.

Well, look at it this way.

If you were stupid, you would have never
graduated from high school.

Oh, I guess that's right.

Or gone to college.

Well, maybe you're right.

Or become an aeronautical engineer.

Well, I guess you've got a point there, Ernie.

Now do you feel more like eating?

Yeah.

And remember, Dad, within the limits of
this house, you're still a brain.

Even if they never let you drive a car again.

Is Dad in his room?

Yeah.

I've got to talk to him.

He's all right.

I've taken care of everything.

Dad, I hope you didn't take that driver's test today.

As a matter of fact, I did.

And I flunked it again.

Oh.

I mean, if you come in here to try to make me
feel better about it, Chip and Ernie beat you to it.

No, I came in to tell you why you flunked.

Why I flunked it?

Yeah.

I gave you last year's manual.

They've changed a bunch of those laws.

Oh, no.

Of course, Rob, that really is no excuse, is it?

I mean, I should know what the new laws are.

I probably missed a couple of the old ones, too.

Well, Dad, I'll drive over tomorrow and
I'll get you a new manual.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, Rob.

Huh?

Don't, uh, say anything to Chip and
Ernie about... Well, Dad, I think I should.

So they'll know you're not stupid.

Well, we had something more important.

They realized their father could fail and,
uh, they still like me.

Robbie, I want my sons to feel free to
give me fatherly advice at any time.

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