07x09 - Happy Birthday, World

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Ernie.

Well, I guess that's everything.

Uh, Dad?

Hmm?

Haven't you forgotten one thing?

No, I don't think so, Ernie.

Shouldn't those things go in the suitcase
instead of on the bed?

Oh, yeah, they go in the suitcase right now.

Now, Ernie, packing a suitcase is an engineering problem.

Organization is what counts.

Once I've got the bugs worked out of my basic design,
then the transfer into the suitcase is easy, you see?

Here's your shirt.

Oh, thank you, Charlie.

And the shirts go right there.

I don't know why I bothered ironing them.

By the time you get to Washington,
they'll have more wrinkles than a tired prune.

Not the way Dad packs.

No, sir.

It's like designing an aircraft.

Maximum use of available space.

How long are you going to be in Washington?

Well, I'll have to play it by ear, Charlie.

But I'll be back by the 12th for sure.

The 12th?

You can count on it.

There we are.

Total organization.

Hey, Dad, you left out some socks.

They must have slipped under the suitcase.

Boy, am I broke.

What else is new?

So, Elise Haynes' birthday is the day after tomorrow,
and the present I bought her really flattened me.

Now I don't have any cash to take her out.

Kimbrough's drugstore is looking for a
college guy to work weekends.

Well, what would be the use in having
money if I have to work weekends?

What would be nice would be to inherit a fortune.

John Jacob Astor and John D.

Rockefeller didn't inherit their fortunes.

They went out and made them.

Well, I don't have time to corner the fur
trade before this weekend.

And he ain't gonna strike oil in the backyard.

Well, that's it, Douglas.

Gotta go.

Where'd you leave the car, Rob?

Out front or in the driveway?

Out front.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Just a minute.

Hey, Rob, it's for you.

Oh.

I'll be right down.

Thanks.

Hello?

Robbie, this is Franklin Haynes, Elise's father.

I'm calling from Chicago.

Oh, hi, Mr. Haynes.

I have a favor to ask of you, Robbie.

Day after tomorrow is Elise's birthday.

I know.

Her mother and I would like to surprise
her with a birthday cake and candle.

If you'd pick up a nice cake and see that
she has it on her birthday, I'll reimburse you.

Oh, well, fine, Mr. Haynes.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'll take care of everything.

Fine, Robbie.

Thank you.

Okay.

Bye.

Oh, that's it.

That was Mr. Haynes calling long distance from Chicago.

Long distance, huh?

What was that about, Rob?

I'll tell you about it on the way to the airport.

Okay.

Bye, Dan.

Goodbye, Chipper.

See you, Charlie.

Bye, Dan.

Goodbye, Anna.

Got your ticket?

Oh, sure.

I've got it right here.

It's right here in the suitcase in the
pocket of my gray suit.

I was going to wear the gray suit, but I changed my mind.

He's unpacking an engineering problem, too, Dad?

Hurry, Bobby.

Okay, turn off the lights.

Okay, get ready.

Bobby?

Hi, Bobby!

Woo-hoo!

Oh, my goodness!

Happy birthday!

Oh, goodness, how perfectly beautiful!

Here, Bob, thank you.

Oh!

Toot the trumpet, blow the horn,
for on this day, Elise was born.

With cake and candles, we are here to fill
your natal day with cheer.

Happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

Gosh, for that lovely gift to know this.

Oh, you shouldn't have, Robbie.

Well, I really didn't.

The cake is from your mother and father.

I'm just their agent.

Gosh, isn't that just like my parents?

Blow out the candles and make a wish.

Oh, yes.

Uh.

Uh.

Another special service of Robbie Douglas.

Birthdays unlimited.

Oh, this is a wonderful surprise.

It really is.

My mother mailed me a birthday cake last year.

It was three days late.

There was 30 cents postage due.

And it tasted like rubber foam.

I'll bet a lot of parents would do this.

They don't know who to call.

Why can't they call me?

Well, because they don't know you.

Well, they're going to.

Tomorrow I'm going down to the
administration building and getting the

birthdays of every single student in this campus.

That's a lot of birthdays.

And I'll get their home addresses, too.

And a couple of weeks before a birthday,
I'll just write the parent and explain

how, for an hominal fee, they can surprise
their son or daughter through Robbie Douglas.

Birthdays Unlimited.

Oh, Robbie, that's a marvelous idea.

It's terrific.

Elise, this date will go down in history.

You and the simple idea that's going to
make my fortune were both born.

My stomach tells me it's seven O'clock.

Well, you're pretty close, Dave.

It's five minutes to two.

Okay, let's get a couple of steaks in a quiet
restaurant, take in a movie, and let the work go tomorrow.

Well, Dave, if you don't mind, I'd like to
come back here and work tonight after dinner.

What's the hurry?

The Pentagon isn't rushing us.

Well, frankly, I told the family I'd be
home by the 12th for sure.



Well, that's Friday.

Now, why not relax and enjoy the weekend
here in Washington?

Well, my birthday's on the 12th, and I
know the family has something planned.

Well, they make a big deal out of your birthday.

Oh, yeah.

It means a lot to the boys.

Let's have those steaks sent up.

Yeah, I'll do.

Thanks.

Hello?

Is this what?

Birthday's unlimited.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Well, Mr. Unlimited, he's not in.

No.

All right.

Well, I'll have him caught.

Uncle Charley, have you seen my skate key?

Skate key?

I can't even find the sofa in all this mess.

And Robbie says, don't touch a thing.

Remember, the most important day in your
child's life, in a way he, she will never forget.

Let them eat cake.

The price has been $4.

Go see who that is, will you?

Out of my way.

These are the cakes.

Hey, you're not going to leave those in
the living room here, are you?

No, they've all got to be delivered today.

Boy, those are sure heavy cakes.

You got a lot of new mail orders and that
phone has been ringing too.

Oh, boy, this is getting out of hand.

I need help.

Say, how would you guys like to earn some easy money?

What do we have to do?

I'll give you 25 cents a cake to deliver
these on your bikes.

All we have to do is just deliver them?

Right.

The names and the addresses are on the boxes.

You just go to the dorm or the sorority or the ferny house.

You get there and you put on one of these hats.

You go in, you light the candles, and when
the birthday person comes, you yell, Surprise!

And you recite this poem.

Tooth the trumpet, blow the horn,
for on this day blank blank was born.

Blank blank?

You know, you fill in the name,
like, for on this day Charlie was born.

That don't sound right.

Uh, okay.

Okay, for on this day was Charlie born.

With cake and candles, we are here to fill
your natal day with cheer.

Seems like a lot to do for 25 cents.

Couldn't we just leave out the palm?

It's part of the package.

And 25 cents a cake is the best I can do, you guys.

The bakery just raised its prices today.

My margin of profit is getting thinner and thinner.

Okay, we'll try it.

Oh, good, here.

And don't try to carry too many at a time.

Hey, uh, how much do you have to pay that bakery?

For them cakes?

Uh, $2.75 for the smallest, $3.50 for the
medium, and, uh, $4.25 for the big ones.

Why, they're robbers.

I can bake better cakes for half that price, a third.

You can?

Sure.

Okay, Uncle Charley, I'll cut you in if you're serious.

Of course I'm serious.

Why not keep the money in the family?

Oh, yes.

How many times have I told you not to...

How many times have I told you not to slam that door?

Sorry.

Sorry is what my cakes are.

Yes, look at them.

They're ruined.

Maybe with the bicycle pump.

Now, come on.

Get out of there.

What's for dinner, Uncle Charley?

Cake.

How we doing, Uncle Charley?

Does that answer your question?

We're running behind schedule.

I need 23 cakes today.

Deliver some of them tomorrow.

Belated birthday cakes?

The oven's too small.

I haven't got enough cake pans.

I got too much to do now.

Baking them and icing them and decorating them.

I need help.

Well, they sure look great, Uncle Charley.

Happy B.I.R.

R-T-D-A-Y.

You hired me because I can cook, not because I can spell.

Ernie and I need help on the deliveries, too.

Pete and Rusty would like to work for you.

Kerwin was asking me about a job.

Tell him to come and see me tomorrow.

I've got to hire some clerical help, too.

You guys better get started.

See if you can squeeze an H in there.

I didn't have time to go to the store.

If you want 23 cakes, I need butter and eggs
and flour and powdered sugar and a padlock.

A padlock?

For that cake-Fl*ttening back door.

Just about.

Ow!

Boy, go to all the trouble lighting these candles.

In one minute, she'll come in and blow them out.

All right.

Surprise!

Toot the trumpet.

Blow the horn.

On this day, Evarista Marie was born.

With cake and candles, we are here to fill
your natal day with cheer.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Birthday's unlimited.

No, he isn't in.

May I take a message?

Thank you.

Mr. Douglas.

Yes.

Rhodes is my name.

City Department of Health.

The Department of Health?

Processing your request for a license to
operate a bakery on these premises.

My request?

Oh, you understand that before even a
temporary permit can be issued,

my department must be satisfied that your
operation meets at least minimum requirements.

I don't seem to know anybody around.

I'll need to measure your ovens,
check out your sterilizing equipment,

inspect your packaging facilities, and
have health clearances on all your employees.

Look, I've been in Washington for two weeks.

Going after government contracts?

Well, it's a new rocket design.

Rocket design?

Are you Mr. Robert Douglas?

No, no, I'm Stephen Douglas.

Well, it looks to me like there's going to be
some questions about the use of child labor, too.

Excuse me, Mr. Douglas, I have another
appointment, but I'll be back in one hour.

What?

You're getting ahead of me.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Well, at last, a familiar face.

Welcome home, Dad.

Thanks.

What's going on here?

We're working for Robbie.

Robbie had this simple idea.

Every day is somebody's birthday.

Why, I know that.

Okay, you two guys, get going,
and no stopping to play ball.

Last time they left their cakes out in the
sun, the candles melted.

Hey, Chip, how about making some green roses for a change?

Come on, Ernie, do you ever see a green Rose?

But where's Uncle Charlie?

He's out in the kitchen.

Oh.

Careful, Dad.

I'm sorry.

Somebody better start folding some more boxes.

Charlie.

Steve, am I ever glad to see you again.

Hand me that flower, sister.

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you again.

Well, I said I'd be back by the 12th, and today's the 12th.

Oh, believe me, I'm all mixed up on the time.

Here, hold this, will you?

Well, what's the other stove?

Oh, it's just temporary until we can get a
big one with the kind of oven I need.

Robbie has ordered it.

Robbie ordered another stove?

Oh, look, I can't turn out from 35 to 40
cakes a day with one dinky little oven.

And now that we're going into pie school...
Look, before we go into anything, I want to know...

Hi, Dad.

You're back, huh?

Yes, I'm back.

Things have changed, huh?

When you left, I was broke.

Now I'm a tycoon.

Rob, I've just been trying to find out
from Uncle Charlie... Dad, excuse me.

Uncle Charlie, 500 pounds of flour have been delivered, and

I just closed a deal for six
dozen fresh eggs every morning.

Rob!

You can't operate a bakery here.

There are zoning laws.

Which reminds me, there's this guy from
the city waiting for me.

Well, he's not waiting for you now.

He was here, but he left, and he'll be back in
an hour, and he's from the health department.

There's no problems, Dad.

My lawyer has all the answers.

Your lawyer?

But, Dad, I had to have legal advice on
things like a copyright, a trademark,

a possibility of franchises, our position
with the Interstate Commerce Commission.

Oh, I forgot.

I've got to dictate this letter.

Hey, Uncle Charlie.

Yeah?

We need more cakes.

And more ice.

All right, all right.

Hey, Steve, grab these potholers and give
me a hand, will you?

Come on, you kids.

Here.

Give me the kids.

It's sure great to have you back.

Well, at least I don't think I better try
to come over tonight.

But, Robbie, I haven't seen you in days.

I know, but I've got to work out some new
promotional copies so the girls can send it out tomorrow.

You know what, Robbie?

I wish you'd never brought me that cake.

At least don't say that.

That was the beginning of Birthdays Unlimited.

Oh, yes.

And the end of us.

How do you like that?

I started this business so I could have
money to do things with Elise,

and now she's upset because I'm successful.

I keep thinking there's something I've forgotten.

Maybe you left a cake in the oven, Charlie.

Something important.

Dad, you're not happy about the bakery either, are you?

Well, Rob, the business seems well enough organized.

It's the family I'm worried about.

It's falling apart.

I mean, there's no time for homework, no time to fix
meals, no time for anything except birthdays, I'm limited.

You know, Dad, there's no limit to this business.

Uncle Charley's adding pies for the kids
who don't like cake.

Birthday pies?

That's a collegiate thing.

You know, like swallowing goldfish was in your day.

And my college is just the beginning.

If it works here, why wouldn't it work in
universities and colleges all over the country?

Boy, just think.

Fifty, seventy-five, a hundred thousand cakes a day?

I'm practically a millionaire.

Don't count your cakes before they're baked.

And it's not only the money.

We're making people happy.

I think everybody deserves a cake on his birthday.

Well, I, uh, I can't argue with you about that.

I'm gonna turn in.

I've had a big day.

I'll see you in the morning.

Good night, Steve.

Not tonight, Dad.

We've got to show Dad.

Tomorrow's the 13th.

We'll need 14 pies and 36 cakes.

You said tomorrow's the 13th.

The 13th.

That's right.

Then today is the 12th.

The 12th.

Now I know what I forgot to remember.

That today is the 12th?

That the 12th is your dad's birthday.

That's why he made sure he was home.

And we're so busy saying happy birthday to
the world, we forgot his.

You guys, be sure you go to the right addresses.

We don't want any mistakes.

How's it going, Chip?

Right on schedule.

Good.

Ernie, how are you doing?

The pies are hard to get paid more money.

We'll discuss that later.

Watch what you're doing, will you?

Okay.

Something the matter?

Everything's perfect.

The last batch is ready to put in the oven.

I made an extra special cake for your dad.

Hey, Chip and Ernie and I got him a sharp
new sports shirt and some socks.

You know, Uncle Charley, it's a great feeling to start
from a simple idea and build a successful business.

Excuse me.

Told you to quit that.

Hey, you clowns, cut that out.

Excuse me.

Now look what you did.

No, I'm sorry.

I told you.

You can't do that to my brother.

Did you see that, fellas?

Dad,

I want you to see for yourself how
smoothly everything is running.

Just take a look.

Come.

On.

From the state our dad was born.

Only this ain't really his birthday.

With cake and candle, we are here to fill
your natal day with cheer.

Happy birthday!

Two days late, but at least we made it.

Oh, Rob, I'm getting... I'm getting to the
point where I just as soon forget them anyway.

Blow out the candle, Dad.

Oh, make a wish.

No more bakery.

I'll cut it.

All right.

None for me, Uncle Charley.

Or me.

Me neither.

Oh, I had enough pie and cake to last me a while.

How's the liquidation coming, Rob?

The Robbie Douglas story.

From riches to rags in one afternoon.

I was thinking, another world of the bakery business.

How about raising frogs in the cellar?

Frogs?

Frogs?

Frogs?

I was reading in a magazine.

There's a big market for frog legs.

I thought we could start with just a few pollywogs.

Robbie, you could contact the fancy restaurants in town.

And maybe later, Uncle Charley could serve frog leg dinner.

I think it'd be really good.

Yes.

What could be as nice as an hour with my three sons?

How about an hour with three daughters?

Sure.

Stay tuned for Bobby Joe, Betty Joe,
Billy Joe, and everyone at the Shady Rest.

Hotel on Petticoat Junction as TV Land's
Twice as Nice Morning continues.