07x11 - A Real Nice Time

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Ernie.

Hi, Bob.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

How was the movie?

It was some of that sand and surf junk for
teenagers at Nan Summer's.

Every time a Nan Summer's picture comes,
Chip has to see it.

Where's Chip?

I told him to come straight home.

He stopped off with some other teenagers
to talk about Nan Summer's.

Dad, at least the picture gave me an idea
for Chip's birthday.

Oh, good, Ernie.

What is it?

A picture of Nan Summer's.

Well, that's what Chip always does when he
mentions her name.

What does it mean, anyway?

Well, Ernie, it means that she's really,
uh... It means she has a cute figure.

Where are you going to get a picture of Nan Summer's?

Chip's birthday is next week.

I still have time to write to her studio.

What do you think, Dad?

Well, Ernie, uh... When you're
trying to get somebody a birthday

present, you want to get them
something they really want, huh?

And if Chip really wants his picture,
I guess he's getting to that age, I, uh.

...

Go ahead, send for it.

I'll ask him for the picture of her on the surfboard.

The sexy one.

Dear Miss Summers, my brother Chip's
birthday, is the 15th of the month,

and I was wondering if I could have a
picture of you to give him.

He'll be 14.

He thinks you're really something.

I think you're something, too, but not
the same as he does, because I'm only 10.

Thank you, Ernie Douglas.

Oh, P.S., could you send the one of you on the surfboard?

He says it's neato.

That's cute.

Picture of Nan Summers as a birthday present, huh?

Birthday present.

It's a birthday present.

Wait a minute.

Instead of a picture of Nan Summers as a birthday
present, how about Nan Summers as a birthday present?

How about that?

A date with Nan Summers for a birthday present.

Hey, that'll grab us an awful lot of newspaper space,
plus which all the national fan magazines will jump aboard.

What's the name of this place?

It's from Bryant Park.

Bryant Park.

Give me a map.

Map.

Get a map.

Map.

Bryant Park.

It's in the United States?

Good.

Here we go.

All right, guys.

Now, help me find Bryant Park.

How do you do, sir?

I ain't Bryant.

I'm not selling it.

Well, I already gave to that charity.

I'm not from any charity.

Would you please tell Ernie Douglas that Mr. Bob John
Lee from Enterprise Studio in Hollywood is here to see him?

Hollywood?

Well, come right in.

Thank you, sir.

Ernie?

Yeah?

There's a Mr. John Lee.

John Lee here to see you.

Be right down.

Are you Mr. Douglas?

No, I'm Charley O'Casey, Ernie's uncle.

Mr. Douglas will be here any minute.

What do you want with Ernie?

Well, I'm a publicity man from Enterprise Studio.

And Ernie wrote requesting a photograph of Nan Summers.

Well, you could have just mailed it.

Hi.

Ernie, this is Mr. John Lee from
Enterprise Studios in Hollywood.

Um, Ernie, did you, uh, excuse me.

Did you send us this letter requesting a
picture of Nan Summers as a birthday present?

Yeah, that's the one I wrote.

But you didn't have to bring the picture in person.

You could have just mailed it.

Oh, oh, excuse me.

I got soup on.

I think it's burning.

Uh, Ernie, where is your brother, Chip?

Up in his room, done Homer.

Ah, good.

Ernie, we appreciated your letter so much,
we decided to give Chip a real present.

Something that would be the surprise of his life.

It's too late.

What do you mean, too late?

According to your letter, his birthday's the 15th.

That's tomorrow.

Well, when the picture didn't arrive,
I couldn't wait any longer.

I already bought him a present.

Initial cufflinks.

Ah.

Ah, initial cufflinks.

Fine.

Nan.

Yes, Bob?

Come on in.

Nan Summers, Ernie Douglas.

Ernie, Nan Summers, in person.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi.

Ernie, how would you like to give Nan to
Chip as a birthday present?

I don't think my dad would let him keep her.

You don't understand what I mean.

Give her.

I mean, how would you like to...

How would you like to have, instead of a picture
of Nan, Chip can have a date with her in person?

Well, what will I do with the cufflinks?

I don't know anybody else with the initials CD.

You'll think of something.

Ernie, don't you think Chip would like a date with me?

I guess so.

Even I would.

And I don't like girls.

Well, let's get started.

We can't stick around this one horse tent,
this lovely little city forever.

Where is Chip's room?

It's right up there.

Good.

Let's go.

Oh, come on, Ralph.

I want you to take some pictures.

We've got to get this down for posterity.

That's his room.

Oh, fine.

Oh, excuse me, Ralph.

Get right around here.

Hide right over here.

Now, look.

Here's what I want you to do.

I want you to go in and tell Chip you've got his
birthday present outside for him, understand?

And then, Nan, I want you to walk in, but
leave enough room for Ralph to get a picture.

Do you understand?

Because when the kid sees you, what does he got to do?

He's got to faint, right?

Good.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Oh, and Ralph, get a picture of Ernie as he's inside.

I want a complete picture storyboard.

Go ahead.

Hi, Chip.

Can I see you for a minute?

Not now, Ernie.

I'm busy.

What was that?

Maybe it was lightning.

Couldn't have been lightning.

A light bulb pop?

No.

A flashlight?

Come on, Ernie.

I'm in the middle of my homework.

Well, couldn't you stop for a minute?

I have your birthday present for you.

It's swell, but my birthday isn't until tomorrow.

I don't think it can wait until tomorrow.

Well, I guess if you want to give me my
present now, it'll be okay.

Good, because I don't know where I'd keep it overnight.

Okay, birthday present.

Come on in.

Hi, Chip.

Nan Summers.

All I did was send for a picture.

Nan Summers?

Hi, Chip.

Happy birthday.

Hi.

Hold it.

Hold it.

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding?

Nan Summers, in person from Hollywood,
walks into your room in Bryant Park,

wishes you a happy birthday, and all you can do is say, hi?

Oh.

What kind of a teenager's room is this, anyway?

Where are all your traffic signs?

Where are your bus stops?

And where are all your pictures of Nan?

Who's he?

I'm not sure.

His name's Mr. John.

Oh, I can tell you, Ralph, is I'm very
happy I came prepared.

Do me a favor.

Run downstairs.

Tell them to bring up all those teenager props I ordered.

We'll redress the room.

And then we'll do it over again, just
to make it look a little more natural.

You understand, kids?

All right, hurry up, will you, Ralph?

I don't understand you kids.

Haven't you ever seen a movie?

This doesn't look like a teenager's room.

What are you here, on punishment?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Hi, Steve.

Am I glad you're home.

Look, Charlie, what?

Who's he?

I never saw him before in my life.

But what's going on out there?

I don't know.

Why?

Well, there are three trucks and some
delivery men and three or four cars at the curb.

Would you move away from the door, please?

Thank you very much.

We're trying to move a teenager's room in.

Who's he?

That one I know, Bob Johnley.

Who's Bob Johnley?

He's the publicity man at Enterprise Studios.

You remember that picture that Ernie sent
for for Chip's birthday?

You mean the one that didn't come?

That's the one.

Well, you know how Hollywood does it.

They sent that guy all the way out here to
deliver the picture in person.

That doesn't make sense, Charlie.

What are these fellas doing?

Where are they taking all those things?

I don't know.

Ernie was talking to Johnley down here.

I had to take care of some suit.

Yeah, but...

Oh, say, listen, if you're from one of the local
papers, check with me about your release, huh?

Oh, no, no, I'm not from... I mean, I... I live here.

I'm Stephen Douglas.

Oh, Steve Douglas.

How are you, Steve?

Pleasure to meet you.

Bob Johnley, Enterprise Studios.

Yes.

Say, listen, we've arranged a birthday
party of his life for your son,

and you should see what we're doing to his room.

We're turning it into a teenager's dream pad.

Let me tell you what else I've arranged.

Your son is actually going to have a date with
Nan Summers, star of The Girl and the Monster.

No.

Have you seen all of my pictures?

I guess so.

How many times?

Just once.

Oh.

That surfboard is a present to you from the studio.

Oh, that's nice.

Thanks.

It won't be much good.

Why not?

We don't have an ocean.

Well, just mention it to Bob Johnley.

He can arrange for anything.

Ah, yeah, great.

Great work, fellas, great.

Now, now we really have a room.

Oh, Steve, Charlie, I'd like to introduce
Miss Nan Summers in person.

This chip's father is Uncle, Mr. Douglas, Mr. O'Casey.

And Miss Summers, the boys have all enjoyed your pictures.

Thank you, Mr. Douglas.

Good, okay, let's get started.

Excuse me, Nan.

Okay, Chip, stand here by your desk and
look at these pictures of Nan.

Ralph, Ralph, grab a couple shots of this, will you?

No, no, no, hold it, hold it.

Now, Chip, look a little lovesick.

After all, Nan is your dream girl.

Now, let me help you.

I'll open.

All right, now look, glaze your eyes.

Get that.

Beautiful.

Now we'll get a couple shots of you fainting.

Fainting?

Naturally.

You've just met Nan Summers for the first time.

You can't believe it, so you're faint.

Come on, Chip.

You faint like this.

Ah!

Nan Summers!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, yeah!

Oh!

Oh!

That's how you faint.

That's a faint.

Okay, let's try it again.

Here we go.

All right.

There you go.

Get this, Ralph.

Ah, Nan Summers!

My dream girl.

Beautiful.

That's what we need.

Realism.

That's what sells tickets.

Okay, everybody down to the dining room.

Come on, Chip.

Down to the dining room.

I tell you, Steve, you're making a big mistake.

A thing like that could affect Chip for life.

Now, Charley, how can having dinner with
Nan Summers affect him for life?

It's not only dinner.

It's everything.

All that phony, fainting, and looking lovesick.

They give him a wet suit and a surfboard, and
that John Lee gave him 25 bucks just for incidentals.

A thing like that could turn a kid's head.

Well, Charley, if I... After raising him and
trying to instill values in him for 14 years, he can...

He can be ruined overnight,
and, uh... Well, I don't know, Chip.

That theory stuff always sounds good, but
don't forget, Adam took a bite out of the apple.

The girl's name is Nan, not Eve.

Hey, Dan.

Well, Chip, uh...

Where'd you get the new outfit?

Mr. John Lee.

He said this is how teenage kids dress.

You tell Mr. John Lee that here in Bryant
Park, we wear our ties outside the college.

Why?

Why, Chip?

You didn't have the same hat.

I wouldn't even recognize you.

Hi.

Hi, Rob.

Chip, what are you all dolled up for?

Now, cut it out, fellas.

You look fine, Chip.

It's just that we're not used to seeing you so dressed up.

Where are you going?

Out to dinner with Nan Summers.

Oh.

Nan Summers?

The movie star.

She's my birthday present to Chip.

Nan Summers?

There.

Was a bunch of kids gathered outside.

All right, kids, now listen to me.

I want the screamers on my right and the
fainters on my left.

Fainters on my left.

Over here.

This is going to work out fine.

One of the greatest ideas I've ever had.

All right, now, I'm sure Ralph has told you all what to do.

The local newspaper men should be here any minute.

Hey, that is Nan Summers.

In person.

And do it with emotion.

You understand?

With emotion.

Okay, Nan, inside.

Pick up Chip.

I'm supposed to have you in that restaurant in 15 minutes.

Ralph, go along with it.

Get a picture of Chip.

Everybody sees how gorgeous she is.

Hey, Steve, I don't want to be in I Told
You So, but I told you so.

Earn to answer the door, huh?

Why'd you want my picture?

Hi.

Hi, Chip.

You look very nice.

You look very nice, too.

Let's go.

Oh, wait a minute, Chip.

The newsmen are arriving now.

I.

Can't.

What do you mean you can't?

I'm too young to drive.

Mr.

Douglas, I'll be back later to take your order.

Thank you.

Oh, Miss Summers, will you autograph this for me, please?

Certainly.

Thank you.

Boy, it must be something to be a movie star.

Everybody knows who you are.

Well, you're not a movie star, and he knows who you are.

Do you eat here often?

I never ate here before in my life.

Mr. John Lee made the reservations.

I guess he told the guy my name.

I say, isn't that Nan Summers,
the Hollywood star, sitting over there?

Excuse me, I beg your pardon.

Isn't that Nan Summers, the Hollywood star
from Enterprise, sitting right over there?

I wonder what she's doing in Bryant Park.

I don't think I have a fan club in Bryant Park.

You don't?

No.

What if I started one here for you?

Wonderful.

Thanks for thinking of it.

Okay.

Hey, do you want to dance?

Okay.

I had a nice time there.

Nice love.

I did too, Chip.

I'm so glad I got to meet you and help you
have a happy birthday.

Yeah, it was lots of fun.

I'll send you those applications for my
fan club as soon as I get back to Hollywood.

I almost forgot all about that.

And if you're ever out there, call me.

And if I'm not in the middle of a picture,
we could have dinner together.

Yeah, I'll be sure to do that.

Good night.

Chip, would you like to kiss me good night?

I guess so.

What?

What are you looking for?

Ralph, I sure would take a picture of you.

Hold it.

Thank you.

Hi, Dad.

Well, Chip, did you have a good time?

Dad, I had... Hi, Chip.

Boy, I'll bet you had a great time.

What'd you do?

Where'd you go?

Gosh, I really gave you a great birthday present, didn't I?

Yeah, Ernie, I had a wonderful time.

Thanks.

I really appreciate it.

It's the best present you could have gotten me.

I'm glad.

Well, Ernie, you better get back to bed now.

It's way past your bedtime.

Okay.

I guess I'll be able to fall asleep now.

Good night, Chip.

Happy birthday again.

You'll tell me about it tomorrow, won't you?

Sure.

Good night.

Good night, Ernie.

Well, Chipper, that was very nice of you to tell him
you had a good time when I got What a bunch of kooks.

All those kids screaming and faying
because Mr. John Lee tells them to.

And wearing these clothes.

Patty Franklin from my history class is
more fun on a date than Nan Summers.

And there's nobody around taking my
picture when I'm with her.

Was that bad, huh?

I'd have had more fun if I stayed home and did my homework.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Chip.

Good night, Uncle Charlie.

Good night, Chip.

I'll bet he's spoiled rotten.

Probably wants an increase in his
allowance and his own car.

I was right, wasn't I?

And it's even got my name saying I'm the
one who wrote and asked for the picture.

Hey, Chip, this has got a lot about you.

Don't you want to read it?

I'll see you later.

And look, they have a picture of her dancing.

Where were you?

I was there.

Why weren't you dancing with her?

I'll get it.

Hi, Chip.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Nat.

Come on in.

Who are you looking for?

Ralph and Mr. John.

You know, this is the first time I ever said
hello to you without somebody taking my picture.

I know.

Hi.

Hi.

Chip's been telling me what a neat time he had last night.

Well, I'm very glad you wrote asking for my picture.

Uh, Ernie, could I speak to Chip for a couple of minutes?

Sure, go ahead.

Sure.

She means alone.

Oh!

Boy, if people said what they meant,
people get along a lot better.

Do you want to come in?

You didn't really have a neat time, did you, Chip?

No, I could tell.

The way Bob, Bob Johnley arranged things
yesterday, well, it was really just for my career.

Today's your birthday.

So could we have our own date today?

I guess so.

What do you want to do?

Anything you want to do.

My plane doesn't leave until this evening.

Well, how about us go into the mall,
Chuck, and get in a hamburger?

Great.

I better leave an O for my dad.

You don't have to.

I'll tell him.

Thanks, Ernie.

Hi.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Chip.

Jill, Sharon, Betty, Don, Ross, Lloyd.

This is Nancy.

Hi.

Sam, two hamburgers and two mugs.

Would you like to dance?

Okay.

It's his own birthday.

How could that kid forget we were taking him out to dinner?

I tell you, that kid's gone Hollywood.

Sorry I'm late.

It'll only take me a second to change.

Boy, that Nan Summers is the most.

Dad, she's really nice.

I mean, boy, she's something.

Ernie, thanks to you, this is the best birthday I ever had.

No kidding?

No kidding.

I had a real nice time.

I know, Charlie.

He's gone Hollywood.

You told me so.

What could be as nice as an hour with my three sons?

How about an hour with three daughters?

Sure.

Stay tuned for Bobby Joe, Betty Joe,
Billy Joe, and everyone at the Shady Rest.

Hotel on Petticoat Junction as TV Land's
Twice as Nice Morning continues.