07x14 - Grandma's Girl

[bunniefuu]

Well, Doris Murray's in town.

Who's Doris Murray?

Oh, that's right.

You were up in camp when she was here last time.

She's a friend of mine.

Hello.

Would you ring Miss Doris Murray's room, please?

Hello, Doris.

Yes, Steve Douglas.

Hi.

Yeah, I just read in the paper you got in last night, huh?

How long will you be in town?

A few days, huh?

Well, how about dinner tonight?

Are you busy?

I'll pick you up at the hotel about 8.

Hi, Patty.

This is Rob.

Say, I was wondering, do you suppose we
could take in a movie tonight?

Oh, good.

I'll see you at 7.30.

Hey, Mary Lou.

I gotta get a patch for my bicycle tire.

Want to come along?

It's close to the ice cream palace.

Yeah, right next door.

I got 50 cents.

Giraffe.

I'll meet you there.

Who?

What do you mean, who?

Ernie.

Ernie Douglas.

Yeah, I sit in back of you in class.

Yeah, that's me.

Okay, see ya.

Hi, Gail.

It's Chip again.

Say, you sure you can't go to that party
at Pee Wee's tonight?

We'll ask her again.

Okay, I'll wait.

Where'd I put that poli-sci book?

You still can't go?

Okay, maybe some other time.

Yeah, so long.

What's the trouble, Chip?

How do you guys do it?

You pick up the phone, ask for a date,
and they can't wait to say yes.

Me, can't wait to say no.

You always gotta check with somebody.

If it isn't their mother, it's their dad,
or their Aunt Minnie, or their big sister.

Who is it this time?

Grandma.

Gail lives with her.

What's the problem, Chip?

Well, Gail says her grandma won't let her
go out with boys until she's 16.

Oh.

How old is she?



Well, cheer up, Chip.

You've only got two more years to go.

Party's tonight.

Well, that is a problem.

Why don't you ask the grandmother to go?

Ernie, that's enough.

I'm dying and you guys are making jokes.

Well, Chip, have you, uh, have you met the grandmother?

No.

Well, why don't you call on her,
introduce yourself, and very politely ask

her if she won't reconsider and let you
take Gail to the party.

Oh, Chip, Grandma isn't just old-fashioned.

She's trying to raise me like when she was a little girl.

What do you mean?

Well, for instance, she still thinks that cell
phones should only be used in case of emergencies.

Hey.

What if I got my dad to talk to her?

He's pretty old-fashioned for his age.

I think it's better you come with me now.

We'll have to face her sooner or later.

Maybe later would be nice.

Well, okay.

I wouldn't do this for any other girl in our class.

Hey, you look like one of those girls in
those old-time movies on TV.

Grandma likes me just what she calls refined.

Let's face it, Chip.

I love her, but she's peculiar.

Grandma McKee, she was 18.

She's pretty, even in all that peculiar stuff.

Abigail?

Yes, Grandma?

Is that you, darling?

Yes, Grandma.

Abigail, who is your young gentleman caller?

Grandma, this is Chip Douglas.

How do you do, Master Douglas?

Hi.

Chip's in my class at school.

He walked me home.

I do not allow young gentlemen to escort Abigail home until
I have thoroughly approved their character, Master Douglas.

Yes, ma'am.

I don't like walking either.

It's just that I'm not old enough yet for
a driver's license.

Well, perhaps you were properly introduced
to each other by mutual friends.

Of course we were, Grandma.

Yeah, I was coming around the corner real fast.

I bumped into Gail and knocked her books
all over the place.

Well, that is the way we met.

Oh, so long, Gail.

I better be going.

Nice to have met you.

Wait, Chip.

You were going to ask Grandma something, remember?

I forgot what it was.

Tonight?

Oh, yeah.

Some kids are going to throw this thing at
Pee Wee Jones' house.

Perhaps you had better translate, Abigail.

Chip would like to escort me to a party.

I presume you have a given name, Master Douglas.

Yes, ma'am.

It's Richard.

Richard O'Casey Douglas.

But nobody calls me Richard.

It's kind of a dumb name.

Is that so?

Richard was Grandfather McGee's name.

Yeah?

How about that?

You favor him slightly.

It's in the eyes, perhaps.

Yes, he...

He had a certain pensive expression.

Chip's a real nice boy, Grandma.

Much more polite than the other boys.

Well, he takes my arm when we cross the street.

And he did excuse himself when he bumped into me.

Well, I suppose in this day and age,
that is quite remarkable.

And then you had better remember your manners,
Abigail, and invite Master Richard into the parlor.

And I will put on some hot chocolate.

If you will excuse me, Master Richard.

Yes, ma'am.

Come on in, Chip.

Isn't she nice?

Yeah.

This is like living in the dark ages.

Spooky.

I'm used to it.

I've lived with Grandma ever since I was five.

Come on, sit down.

You have to do everything she tells you?

No.

I don't suppose I do.

I guess I could do what I like and lie to her.

But I wouldn't want to.

She's been very good to me, Chip.

I really love her.

But you would, too, if you knew her better.

She makes me feel a little edgy.

I think she likes you.

I felt like I was on trial.

You were.

But you're the first boy who ever got past
the umbrella rack.

She was polite but firm.

Walking home from school's okay and
drinking hot chocolate's okay.

But Abigail's too young to go to parties with boys.

Did you tell Grandma that it'd be just a
bunch of kids goofing around?

Sure.

I said the guys were getting together,
spin a few platters and shake a little.

How could she resist?

Did you tell Grandma that it'd be just a
bunch of kids goofing around?

Did you tell Grandma that Dad would drive
you and pick you up?

She doesn't believe in cars.

Says they're too fast and dangerous.

Why were they all morning?

What took you so long?

Waiting for the hot chocolate to cool off.

I burned my nose.

Your nose?

You ever try drinking hot chocolate in a
small cup when you're nervous?

Chip, it's not worth it.

If I were you, I'd take another girl.

You know, maybe I should.

Take another girl?

Where's your spirit of adventure?

I lost it when I burned my nose.

Grandma, what kids think?

Today, no imagination.

What would you do, Uncle Charley?

Well, if the girl meant enough to me, I'd put up a fight.

Courting a girl is just like being in battle.

You gotta map out your strategy.

Well, the party's tonight.

Then I'd use the surprise attack.

Like what?

Well, if she's worth it, fight fire with fire.

Charge right in the enemy camp.

She's worth it.

I'll do the dishes later.

Come on, we're going into action.

Hey, Uncle Charley, can I go alone?

I was gonna watch television, but this sounds better.

Yeah, come on.

What's wrong with this?

Where's the motor?

Where's the motor?

The horse is the motor, you lunkhead.

It doesn't look safe.

I can't do it, Uncle Charley.

Why not?

If I pulled up in this prehistoric thing,
the guys would never stop ribbing.

I love Chip.

The other kids have to have their dads driving them, right?

Hey, you know?

You know, maybe the horse and buggy deal
isn't such a bad deal at that.

Driving up without dads.

Kind of grown up.

Why do you think they waited a million
years before they invented the automobile?

Maybe he's right.

Yeah.

Hello, dear old Dubbin.

I probably knew your grandfather.

It's real safe.

I drove it over here myself.

Can I take you for a spin and show you?

Oh, yes, Abigail.

Abigail, your grandfather courted me.

In a similar carriage.

Oh, those were the lovely days.

Allow me now.

Thank you.

In broad daylight, if they do,
we'll merely nod our heads and smile.

Where to, Miss McGee?

Once around the park, please, Richard.

Well,

Irm, hard at the homework, huh?

Yeah.

Boy, Dad, you should have seen Chip
driving a horse and buggy.

Yeah, Charlie tells me he handled the
reins like an old man.

Oh, Timer, where is Chip now?

In back, feeding the horse.

Oh.

Boy, I wonder how many miles Chip gets to
the gallon of oats.

Who's your big date tonight, Dad?

Doris Murray.

She's back in town again for a few days.

I was just looking in the paper here to try to
find some place to take her to dinner tonight.

Oh, Doris Murray, she's the one who's a
test pilot and races sports cars and all that.

Yeah, that's right.

And right now she's training to be one of
our first women astronauts.

Wow.

Say, why don't you take her one of those capsules for two?

Right to the moon.

Or has she already been there?

No, but I...

I think she's planning on it.

Why, those horses can eat, and alts are expensive.

Are you all set for the party, Chip?

Not exactly, but I'm invited to Gail's house tonight.

Chip, never underestimate the power of a horse.

What about the party?

Well, we'll get around to that.

Gail says her grandma usually goes to bed around 8 O'clock.

Can I drop you off anywhere, Dad?

It's a four-seater.

No, thanks, Chip.

I think I'll just stick to my old reliable transportation.

Chip, my advice has been good so far.

If Grandma says get Gail home at a certain time, you do it.

Don't worry.

I got to have the horse back by 11.

Want to watch the takeoff, Dad?

Oh, sure.

I guess I'll just take Doris to the club.

That'll be simplest.

Well, come on.

Let's watch the takeoff.

Go on.

Goodbye, Chip.

Take it easy.

Don't forget there's a speed limit in this town.

We'll see you, Charlie.

Thanks.

Bye, everybody.

See you.

Bye.

Hey, Uncle Charlie, what if the horse breaks down?

In my day, I used to hope the horse would break down.

What'd you do?

Call the automobile club.

You mean you really used a horse to get
around in when you were young?

What do you think I used, a buffalo?

What'd you do for fun?

Oh, lots of things.

I'd pick up my best girl, we'd go for a
ride, and we'd stop in the local ice cream

parlor for a strawberry parfait, go to a band concert, or
maybe just go home and sit on the front porch and talk.

Hey, Neat.

Didn't think that would impress you.

I mean, Neat, you remember all that way back.

My father was such a handsome man.

These pictures bring back so many wonderful memories.

You sure have a lot of them.

Oh, I don't mean too many.

Grandfather McGee and I love taking snapshots
and we have a wonderful record of our marriage, too.

I'll bring in a few of them.

Excuse me.

Now you've done it.

How long were they married?



You can keep this here all night.

Look, Chip, your Uncle Charley's bright
idea got us into this.

Maybe he can get us out.

You'd better phone him.

I thought you said your grandma only used
the phone for emergencies.

Believe me, Chip, this is an emergency.

Oh, children, I've been thinking.

I'm sure that it isn't very interesting to you
young people to look at so many old pictures.

So I'll put on some records.

Grandma, we'd like to go to the party.

Abigail, it isn't good manners.

To rush your gentleman caller out of your parlor.

And besides, I'm sure that Richard would
like to hear some music.

Oh, wouldn't you, Richard?

Oh, sure.

You see?

That's a record player?

It's a gramophone.

Oh, the waltz is such a beautiful dance.

Grandma, the kids nowadays don't waltz.

Oh, what do they do?

Oh, the monkey, the fluke.

The jerk, the Freddy.

What peculiar names.

Oh, in my day, we had lovely dances with sensible names.

We had the grizzly bear and the Turkey
trot and the bunny hug.

She's kidding.

She's serious.

Will you waltz with me, Richard?

I don't know how.

I'd better look at some more pictures.

You don't need to be bashful.

I will teach you the basic steps.

Listen to the music.

One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two,
three, one, two, three, one, two, three, good.

One, two, three, one, two, three,
one, two, three, one, two, three, Abigail.

One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two,
three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three.

Chip, what is it?

Something wrong?

Uncle Charlie, I did everything like you said.

Dad, I'm stuck.

Yeah, Uncle Charley, I just called to tell you I'm
having such a good time here at 933 Murfin Drive.

I wish you could see how nice it is here.

That's right, I wish you could be here.

Well, so long.

See somebody soon.

My Uncle Charley.

When Dad's out of the house, Uncle
Charley's real careful about us kids, like you are.

We have to check in.

I was just telling him what a good time we were having.

Well, do you see?

You don't have to do all sorts of
unsettling things to have fun.

You can look at pictures and waltz and pull Taffy.

Why didn't I think of that earlier?

Think of what?

A Taffy pull.

Oh, Grandma.

What pull?

The butter is to put on your hands to
keep the Taffy from sticking to them, Richard.

Would you come and stand over here, please?

Oh, bless Pat.

I just don't understand young people these days.

Never waltzing, not knowing about a Taffy bowl.

Would you hold out your hand, dear?

Now, rub that all about.

And here's some for you, Abigail.

Now, you know how to do it, of course.

I'll take a little.

You see, there's an art to this.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Now, get all this together and give each of you an end.

Now, here we come.

Grab it and stand back.

And, Abigail, you take yours.

Now, pull away from each other.

Pull it way away.

Let the air get to it.

And now, bring it up and over and catch it down there.

There you are.

Now, pull it hard, Richard.

You're a strong fellow.

Now, Abigail, close him, Dennis.

That's it.

Now, pull it longer and bring it out and
press it out like this so the air gets in.

I usually eat candy.

This is the first time I ever wore it.

Now, Abigail, help him.

Help him, dear.

That's it.

Now, pull away.

You don't have to worry about this.

We just discard that.

Oh, just teach a few patients.

It was just under these same circumstances
that Grandfather McGee proposed to me.

However, we were much, much older.

Why, for that, Pete, call him at this hour of night.

Excuse me, Richard.

Yes, ma'am.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Mrs. McGee?

Yes.

I'm Charlie O'Casey.

Chip's great uncle.

I just dropped by to make sure that Chip was okay.

What a pleasant surprise.

We are just having a Taffy pool.

Do come in.

Taffy pool?

Oh, no.

No, no.

Mr. Oh, I'm afraid that you aren't
concentrating, Mr. O'Casey.

Yeah, well, yeah.

I haven't done this for some time, Mrs. McGee.

Oh.

How can you tell when it's ready to eat?

It changes from a golden brown to a creamy white.

Can't you buy it already full?

Oh, yes, but then you miss all the fun.

Uncle Charley, I'm getting blisters.

How do we get out of here?

You're going to miss the entire party, Mr. O'Casey.

Oh, uh, Mrs. McGee.

I'll stick around and help you with the Taffy.

Would it be all right if... if
Chip and Gail went to the party?

Oh, well, I... I don't know.

Uh... Oh, it'll be okay.

I know Pee Wee Jones and his parents,
and you can trust Chip.

Huh?

I spent my whole week's allowance just running that horse.

Oh, I'm...

I'm sorry.

I... I'm afraid I've been very selfish
trying to get you to stay here.

Well, I've had a lot of fun, honestly.

All right, let's go.

Well, so have I.

Tonight, he took me back to the happiest time in my life and
he reminded me so much of Grandpa McGee when he was a boy.

Ma'am, there'll be lots of other parties
if you really don't want us to go.

Chip, no, now you run along.

Yes, and Abigail, remember to take your stove.

I will.

And your gloves.

Every Monday, you have to wear gloves.

Oh, what a lovely night for a buggy ride.

I wish I could go with you.

Oh, but I must get back to my desk.

Oh, hi, Chip.

Are you still awake?

Yeah.

Well, how was the party?

Oh, the greatest.

We almost didn't go.

Oh, we were pulling Taffy with Gail's grandma.

Pulling Taffy?

Yeah.

Uncle Charley came by and rescued us.

The guys thought the horse and buggy was a real gas.

They did, huh?

Did you get the horse back to the stable on time?

Yeah.

Oh, great.

Hey, uh, what happened to the hand?

Oh, I got a couple of blisters.

From, uh, well, the horse was too much for you, huh?

No, it wasn't the horse.

It was pulling the Taffy.

Boy.

Guys in the olden days must have really
been rugged, huh, Dad?

Oh, they were, Chip.

They had to be to survive.

That Taffy is pretty tough stuff.

Good night.

Night, Dad.

Well, what are we going to do?

Stick around.

I'd be glad to.

There's another episode of My Three Sons
straight ahead on TV Land's Twice as Nice Morning.

We'll be right back.