07x18 - TV or Not TV

[bunniefuu]

Saturday?

No, I don't think I have anything planned
for Saturday, Dave.

Why?

How would you like to spend it in Rio?

Rio?

You don't mean the Rio I'm hoping you mean.

No, I mean Rio de Janeiro.

Rio de Janeiro?

Well, they want me down there in that Delgado
contract, and I told them I was bringing you.

Wonderful, Dave.

You know, I haven't been down there in years.

What a beautiful city.

Now, look, we'll fly down Friday,
spend a couple of hours in a meeting

Saturday morning, and have the whole rest
of the weekend to ourselves.

Terrific.

Say, it's carnival time down there now, isn't it?

Oh, in Rio, it's always carnival time.

Hey, wait a minute, Dave.

It seems to me there was something I had
to do on Saturday, but...

Well, whatever it is, it can't be important
enough to keep me from going to Rio.

Greatest prompter I've ever had.

Oh, I agree with you.

He is pretty wonderful.

Oh, look, Robbie, it's finally coming.

Oh, I've been looking forward to this all year.

Have you ever seen a kabuki play?

Seen one?

I can't even pronounce it.

Kabuki, huh?

Oh, this is a very famous company, Robbie.

The Chikamatsu troupe has been performing
for nearly 200 years.

The days of the samurai, huh?

The Japanese warlords?

That's right.

Well, I'd like to see it.

I probably wouldn't know what it was all about.

Well, I will explain it to you, Robbie.

Well, I mean, if you'd like to go with me.

I thought you'd never ask.

I'll get the tickets.

Oh, no, no.

My father buys them.

You are our guest.

Oh, swell.

The Saturday afternoon.

Oh, wait a minute.

Wasn't there something else this Saturday that I had to...

I guess not.

It's a date.

We're gonna play the same guys again
Saturday afternoon at the park.

Maybe you'll beat them this time.

We'd have beat them last time if we had a decent umpire.

I hope that'll ump for us this Saturday.

This Saturday?

You kidding?

It's the 15th, Chip.

What about it?

Saturday the 15th is the opening day of the trout season.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

You can bet that Steve and Robbie will be
out on that stream before daybreak.

Boy, that lucky Robbie.

What a great day.

Just the two of them fishing.

Yeah, great.

This is one of Dad's books on fishing.

Listen.

Listen, there is no thrill like the
slashing rise of a trout to a well-placed fly.

I like worms.

Worms are all right.

That's the best you can do.

But I'm going to be a fly fisherman like Dad.

Well, you got plenty of time to learn.

It won't be taking you long for years.

Well, maybe we'll have fish for dinner Saturday night.

Of course we'll have fish for dinner Saturday night.

I guarantee it.

How can you guarantee it?

Most of the time they don't even catch anything.

So what?

I got three cans of tuna.

I'll see you dinner.

All right.

Uncle Charley, do you think Dad would let
me go fishing Saturday if I don't ask too

many questions and stay out of the way and
don't listen in on the man-to-man talks?

Not this year, Ernie.

I'd bet I could fish as good as Robbie.

It's not only the fishing.

It's mainly having a day on the stream
with his son, just the two of them together.

I'm his son.

Sure, and don't worry.

If you'll be going with him one of these
days, pretty soon it'll be Chip's turn.

And then after that, you're next.

By that time, I'll be an old man.

Maybe if Dad gets the idea, I really dig fishing.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Steve.

Boy, something smells good.

What's for dinner?

Meatloaf.

Oh.

What'd you have for lunch?

Meatloaf.

That's the breaks.

Here, I'll volunteer for the silverware department.

Well, I guess you're really looking
forward to Saturday, huh?

Oh, yeah.

It's gonna be a blast.

That should be great, Charlie.

Of course, we're gonna have to do a little work, too.

We're flying out on Friday.

Say, how did you know about the Rio trip?

Rio trip?

I'm talking about Saturday.

Opening day of the fishing season.

You and Robbie, the big day of the year.

The 15th.

That's this Saturday, isn't it?

Yeah.

I knew there was something.

Can you imagine me forgetting the opening
day of trout season?

And I know how much it means to Robbie.

What's with Rio?

Well, I had a chance to fly down with Dave on the house.

Well, that's better than cleaning fish any day.

No.

No, Charlie, it isn't.

There's something about being out on that
stream with one of your sons.

It's different than a family outing.

You really get a chance to understand each other.

Well, if you can understand those kids,
you explain them to me, will you?

Well, I'll just have to call Dave and tell
him I can't make it.

He can take somebody else to Rio.

He can take me.

I've always wanted to learn the karaoke.

Can you imagine me forgetting?

Robbie'd flip if he knew.

I better start checking my gear.

Charley, do you know where that tackle box of mine is?

In the front closet, right where you threw it last fall.

It's probably a mess.

I was going to straighten it out this
winter, but I never got the chance.

Your tackle box is a mess even when it's neat.

How do you and Robbie accumulate so much junk?

Oh, well, that's simple, Charley.

You just never throw anything away.

You know, it's hard to realize,
this is Robbie's fourth year.

Yeah, and don't forget, Chip and Ernie are
standing in line.

They think it's a big deal.

Yeah.

Isn't it wonderful?

In the closet, huh?

Yeah, in the closet.

Getting ready, my dear.

Yeah, getting ready, Ernie.

The day after tomorrow's the big day, isn't it?

Yeah, it's the big day.

Gee, must be a gas going fishing with you.

Well, you'll be going with me one of these days, Ernie.

Just the two of us.

Well, that is kind of cluttered, isn't it?

Well, it sure takes a lot of tackle to be a fisherman.

Well, most of the stuff's just extra.

Things I really use are in my fishing vest.

This leader sure is tangled.

Big fish do that, Dad?

No, Ernie, no.

That's just leader material.

I'll just throw that away.

Hi, Dad.

Ernie.

Hi, Rob.

Hi, Rob.

What's the scam?

Rob, you'll never believe this,
but I almost forgot Saturday.

I'd never forget the opening day of the
trout season if I was going with that.

Saturday?

Next Saturday?

I don't know how it happened, but it just slipped my mind.

I thought I had another reel in here.

I'll check in my fishing vest.

Why, Rob?

I wish I was going with that.

I wish you were, too, Ernie.

Didn't you tell him we had a date to see the kabuki?

It's only here for one performance.

Echo, when the opening day
of honorable fishing season rolls

around, we honorable sons must honor our honorable fathers.

I suppose it can't be helped.

I should accept it with oriental inscrutability.

However, I was born in Bryant Park,
so I'm pretty disappointed.

And scrutable.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

I'm putting some lime cleaner on Dad's fly line.

It'll make it flow better tomorrow.

Boy, I bet those big fish will really be jumping tomorrow.

Like salmon.

The only salmon I know comes in cans,
and they don't jump much.

Uncle Charlie, do you want to get me that lime cleaner?

Hmm.

I'm going to bed early tonight.

I'm getting up at 4.30 tomorrow.

Yeah, well, you might as well sleep in.

You haven't got a chance.

Well, something might happen.

What if Robbie got sick and couldn't go?

Don't worry about Robbie.

He'll never be that sick.

Hiya, Steve.

Oh, hi, Charlie.

You're early, aren't you?

Yeah, I have to go out again tonight for a
while, but I'll be home by 10 at the latest.

I've got to get to bed tonight.

Well, what are you doing, Ernie?

I'm dressing your line for you.

It's a wonder it would float at all.

It was in real bad shape.

Yeah, I guess it was, Ernie.

I was going to work on it this winter, but I... If I
was fishing with you, I'd take care of your tackle.

Well, you've done a fine job here, Ernie.

Say, how do you know about dressing a line?

I read about it in your book.

Oh.

It says a line will cast farther, last longer,
and float better when properly dressed.

That's right, Ernie.

Will you reel it in while I untie?

Oh, sure.

Say, Ernie, is Robbie home?

Yeah.

He's upstairs studying.

Term paper due.

Oh.

Well, I won't bother him then.

I was wondering if he... He got his fishing license down.

Oh, he did.

That's what I was wondering.

It's cheaper for me to go fishing.

I don't need a license at my age.

Not till I'm 16.

Oh, that's right, Ernie.

Well, I guess we can put this away.

Where's the tackle box?

Oh, on the coffee table.

Oh, yeah.

I straightened it out for you, too.

Oh, good.

Hey, boy, you really did, Ernie.

I won't be able to find the thing now, will I?

Oh, is this the mail?

Yeah.

I'm learning all I can about tackling stuff.

So when you decide to take me, I'll be ready.

That's a good idea.

As a matter of fact.

If you and Robbie want me to go tomorrow,
I could be a big help.

You'll get your chance, Ernie.

I better get out this mail now.

Hey, Robbie, busy?

Yeah.

I need some advice.

Just play it cool, Chip, and don't let her
see you're anxious.

Not about girl.

About fishing with Dad.

Fishing?

Oh.

You've been going dead every opening day for three years.

Right.

Well, I hear you guys have a terrific time.

Yeah, terrific.

Relax, Chip.

You'll be going soon.

Maybe next year.

That's what I mean.

How can I get out of it?

Get out of it?

Yeah.

I don't want to sound like a wise guy or
anything, but I hate fishing.

Hate it?

Yeah.

Can you imagine?

You hate it?

I've hated fishing for years.

You too?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How come you always come back saying what
a great time you had?

Well, it's great having a day with Dad, just the two of us.

I mean, we yak about everything.

That part's okay, but fishing, yeah.

Yeah?

Dad stands in that icy creek up to his boot
tops with that cold wind blowing across his face.

He works that fly till his lips turn blue
and he keeps saying, boy, this is living.

I remember the first fly I ever cast.

The wind blew right back in my face.

Dad had to cut the hook out of my ear.

Figures.

Then the next year I set my all-time record for falling in.

How can you fall in?

Oh, it's easy with all those slippery rocks.

And there's one little joy that I always look forward to.

Cleaning those smelly fish.

I hate the smell of fish.

You just can't get rid of it.

I had a girl send me home from a date last year.

Said my hand smelled.

Like the bottom of a bait boat.

I read somewhere you can get the smell of
fish off your hand by rubbing them with garlic.

Yeah, well, most girls aren't crazy about
garlic-flavored hands, either.

What a future.

Chip, you've got a lot of interesting experiences ahead.

Like last year.

The year of the leaky boot and ice water.

Ice water?

Ice water.

When you try to throw your legs up on a
high bank to climb out of the creek and

you've got your boot filled with eight gallons of water.

Do you take it off and empty it?

No.

What you do is you sit on a log.

Then you put your foot above your head like this.

That way the ice water runs down your leg
and into the seat of your pants.

Sure glad I dropped it.

It really brightened up my day.

Chip, if I knew a way out of it, I'd step aside for you.

It'll come soon enough.

Chip, how much longer do you think Robbie
will be going fishing with Ann?

Who knows?

If my luck, this could be his last year.

You sure are lucky.

Yeah.

I won't get to go for umpteen years or longer.

My heart bleeds.

Well, the fish are probably gone by that time.

Or maybe they won't even be fishing with
rods and reels anymore.

We'll probably be catching fish with computers.

Ernie?

How can you catch fish with computers?

I don't know.

How do you put a man on the moon with computers?

I just wish I was going tomorrow.

You really want to go, don't you?

Yeah.

But I'm not going to piss her dead anymore.

I guess I can wait my turn.

Maybe you won't have to wait as long as you think, Ernie.

Hey, Rob.

I've got to talk to you again.

Chip, I'll be a total loss this weekend.

I'm trying to get a little work done on this term paper.

I've been talking to Ernie, and he's just
dying to go with Dad tomorrow.

Well, actually, he's just a kid.

Yeah, but you can make Dad see how important this is to
Ernie, showing him he's part of the family and all that junk.

Hey, and if Dad makes certain he's new fishing buddy, that
not only gets you off the hook this year, but me next year.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's certainly worth a try.

Maybe Dad doesn't realize how much this
means to the poor little guy.

Right.

If he did, he'd take him.

Right.

Ernie needs that man-to-man bit.

Oh?

I'll buy that.

Chip, with any luck, come Monday, I won't smell a fish.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Hey, I thought you'd be in bed by now.

That alarm clock's going to be sounding off at 4.30.

I waited up to talk to you about tomorrow.

Oh, nothing wrong.

Oh, no.

Good.

Well, we ought to be on that stream about sunup.

Remember the first time I took you fishing?

Trying to show you how to handle a fly ride?

I was pretty awkward.

I thought you were never going to get the fly in the water.

I kept hanging it up in the trees, or in my ear.

But you learned pretty fast at that.

We've had three real good years, Dad.

Yeah, tomorrow's going to be great, too.

I heard the weather on the radio.

It's going to be sunny and warm,
and they say the stream's just perfect.

Not too high, not too clear.

Good.

All you need is the fish now.

Now, let's see.

I think tomorrow I'll start off with the old reliable
coachman, and then maybe switch to the Adams.

Rock, you know that's the same fly that
that big fish took last year?

Oh, yeah.

I bet he would have gone three pounds.

I lost him on the snag, but that's the same fly he took.

Say, Dad.

Dad, have you noticed how excited Ernie is
about this fishing gig?

Excited?

He's a bug.

He keeps working on my tackle,
asking me questions, dropping hints.

Says when his turn comes, he's going to be ready.

He's a real Douglas.

Well, the poor kid is kind of new in the family.

I mean, he's not like Chip and me.

What are you trying to say, Rob?

Well, I think I ought to step down tomorrow.

You know, let you take Ernie.

Tomorrow?

Yeah.

Well, that's a nice suggestion.

I'm not trying to be a hero or anything, Dad.

Rob, I know how much these trips mean to you.

Because I know how much they mean to me.

He could use my rod and reel and the...

No, Rob, I can't let you do it.

It wouldn't be fair.

I don't mind.

I mean, it wouldn't be fair to Ernie.

To Ernie?

He's new in the family, but he is in the family.

Well, sure.

Well, so he has to wait his turn the way
the rest of you do.

Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, I better hit the sack.



I'll lock up.

Night, Dad.

Good night.

Good night.

Dad, wake up!

It's 4.30!



Boy, I must have been sleepy.

I didn't hear that alarm go off.

There it goes.

Oh.

All right.

What are you doing up all dressed?

Who could sleep on a beautiful morning like this?

Beautiful morning?

I don't know.

I can tell it's dark out.

Chip, wake up!

Come on, Chip!

Wake up!

What?

Wake up?

It's the middle of the night.

It's the opening day.

Dad's already up.

Ernie?

Boy, some fisherman you're gonna be.

Get lost.

You won't find Robbie asleep.

I bet he's been up for hours.

Can.

You imagine that, Chip?

Hey, what's the matter around here?

Hey, Rob.

What?

Rob, it's 25 to 5.

Are you gonna sleep all day?

All right, Ernie.

How come you're not up?

Are you sick?

Because if you're sick, I'll tell Dad.

No, no, no, I'm all right.

You sound sick.

If you decide to go back to sleep, don't worry about it.

I'll see that Dad won't have to go alone.

Where do you think you're going?

I don't know, Dad.

Boy, sure is a beautiful day.

How can you tell when it's pitch dark out there?

No day at 4.30 A.M.

is going to get my endorsement.

Dad's up.

I know.

He'll be down here any minute smelling the
coffee, saying, You shouldn't have got up, Charlie.

Uh, 4.30 A.M.

Hey, Charlie, you didn't have to get up.

See what I mean?

Drink your coffee.

I packed a lunch for you.

Oh, thanks, Charlie.

Rob, you feel all right?

Mm-hmm.

He'll wake up once we get on that stream, Ernie.

Beautiful day.

Mm-hmm.

You know, Rob, I think this morning we'll
start fishing at the lower end of Granville Pool.

Hmm.

Then we'll work out up to the old dead tree.

Here's the way I'd handle that big one, Dad.

Ease him up to the net and slip it under fast.

Maybe this is just a fisherman's hunch, Rob,
but I just feel we're going to m*rder him today.

By 8 O'clock tonight, you guys will have a
creek full of excuses.

The water was too high.

The water was too low.

The water was too murky.

It was too clear.

Ah, you fishermen k*lled me.

Do I gather you doubt our skill with the rod, Charlie?

I bet they catch lots of fish.

Come on, Rob.

Eat up.

We don't want to keep those big fish waiting.

Oh, hiya, Chip.

You got up to wish us luck, huh?

Ernie going with you, huh?

No, no, no.

He's just giving us a hand with the tackle.

Don't worry, Chipper.

You're still the next in line.

Tip that screen.

Bring your roll with you.

Well, have fun, you guys.

And, Robbie, try not to hook your ear this time.

Well, Charley, this year I promise you I'll bring
you back something besides a 140-pound son.

Here, Dad.

Oh, thanks, Ernie.

Don't forget this.

Okay.

Well, good to see you, guys.

Bye.

Oh, that's right.

See you, Dad.

I didn't know you guys were going to get up this early.

I'd better feed you.

Sorry, Ernie.

I guess you're disappointed.

Yeah, right up to the last minute.

Then on the other hand, you know what Dad says.

All of his boys have to wear their turn.

Anyone would know I'm one of his boys.

Well, what are we going to do?

Stick around.

I'd be glad to.

There's another episode of My Three Sons
straight ahead on TV Land's Twice as Nice Morning.

We'll be right back.