07x25 - Charley O' the Seven Seas

[bunniefuu]

What I mean is, Geraldine, you can't go to the
dance with me and that goofy Marvin Noonan.

Even though you're a woman, you'll have to
make up your mind between a sooner or later.

And it better be sooner.

So I'll have time to get my suit clean, on account of when
you and me stopped off for hamburgers at the Green Onion.

I got a lot of mustard on my jacket.

Yeah.

Okay, bye.

Who was that?

Geraldine.

Practically taking her to the school dance.

How practically?

Well, she's eliminated three other guys.

It's between me and Marvin Noonan.

Boy, is she popular.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Chip, I'm glad you're home.

I've got a favor to ask of you.

Now, of course, you can feel free to say no.

Okay, I feel free.

Well, there's this very nice lady executive who started
out of the plant a couple of days ago, Mrs. Hendricks.

And she's a widow, and I'd like to take her out tonight.

Uh, that?

Go ahead, take her.

It's okay with me, too.

Uh, well, thanks, fellas, but there's just one problem.

She has a 13-year-old girl, and,
uh, well, she doesn't like the idea of

leaving her alone at night until she
gets better acquainted in town, and, uh...

Well, Chip, I suggested that maybe you could
escort the little girl and we could go together.

You're asking me to double date with you?

You're asking Chip to double date with you?

Well, I guess that's what you'd call it, yeah.

Now, I haven't seen the little girl, but, uh... Well, if
she looks anything like her mother, she's very pretty.

Well, if I wore my good suit and my tie and
shined my shoes, I might look pretty grown up.

Oh, I say you look grown up enough to take
out a 13-year-old girl, Chip.

You're asking Chip to double date with you, Chip?

Knock it off, Ernie.

Dad, I haven't got any money.

And if we go to one of those fancy restaurants and
have to split the bill... Oh, now, don't worry about that.

We'll just go to a movie and have some
hamburgers afterwards.

And besides, it's on the house.

I like it already.

What's her name?

Uh, Melinda.

How about that?

Me and Dad dating together.

Dad, you're asking Chip to talk?

Knock it off, Ernie.

Dad, I accept on behalf of Chip.

It's a great honor.

I accept, too.

I guess men our age should help each other out.

Thanks a lot, Chip.

Now, we'll pick the girls up about seven,
so I'll go up and change and shower,

and you better get dressed, too.

Okay.

Boy, and I thought you were just a kid.

I guess this is one of those great turning points in life.

I wonder if I should shave.

Go ahead.

Working loose.

I think it's about time I got a tux.

I might be double dating with Dad along.

Where's your dad?

I thought I heard him.

Upstairs.

Uncle Charlie, I need a clean handkerchief.

Why?

I'm the only kid left in the family.

Dad's going on a double date with Chip.

Won't she be too old for you?

She's 13.

You and Steve are going out with a couple
of 13-year-old kids?

No, I'm going out with a 13-year-old.

A 13-year-old kid.

Dad's going out with her mother.

It's a blind date, but Chip is willing to face
the great unknown because it's for his dad.

Oh, boy, blind date.

I remember once in Singapore, a pal fixed
me with a blind date, a Japanese lady wrestler.

Here, Chip, put a little of this on your handkerchief.

What is it?

It's Cologne.

The guys use it.

I like it.

Go ahead.

Boy, Chip, I wouldn't want to be in your
shoes, dad watching every move you make.

If I were you, I'd think up some excuse not to go.

Polite, but firm.

All set, Chip?

How do I look, dad?

Oh, you look great.

I should have had my suit pressed, but I didn't have time.

Between us, we got most of the mustard off.

Well, it looks okay to me.

You sure?

Now, Chip, don't be nervous.

Just relax.

You and Melinda will get along fine.

Well, better go.

See you later, fellas.

Goodbye.

Have fun, Chip.

Relax, no matter what.

I'm sure she'll be out in a minute.

You know, teenage girls dressing for a
teenage boy, everything has to be just right.

Yeah, so I can imagine.

I know teenage boys dressing for teenage girls.

Steve, this is Melinda.

Dear, this is Mr. Douglas.

This is Mr. Douglas and his son, Chip.

Hello, Melinda.

Hi.

How do you do, Mr. Douglas?

I'm so glad to meet you, Chip.

Me too.

I go to the same school you do.

I just started there and I like it very much.

I hope the kids there like me.

Do you think they will?

Sure.

Well, I guess we'd better be going.

All right.

Well, Linda, Chip, how did you like the picture?

Do you like it, Mr. Douglas?

Oh, sure.

I go for those wide screen westerns.

Me, too.

It was neat when the Indians were caught
in that Buffalo stampede.

I thought it was very interesting and educational.

Did you really like that picture, Chip?

That blood really shows up good in color.

I guess it would be interesting to someone
who didn't read the book.

Did you read the book?

Ages ago.

But you just told my father you thought
the picture was real good.

Your father's such a nice man.

And my mother is fond of him.

It was just good manners.

I guess it was.

I hope Chip likes Melinda.

She doesn't make friends easily.

Oh, I'm telling you, he likes her.

She's a lovely little girl.

Very sweet.

Thank you.

They do look cute together.

At that age, relationships are so uncomplicated.

Hey, uh, I'm kind of hungry.

How about you?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Chip, Melinda, how about some hamburgers?

Sure.

It's my favorite dish.

Oh, good.

We'll, uh, we'll go to the Green Onion.

That's, uh, where we Bryant Park teenagers hang out.

I knew you liked hamburger.

How?

The mustard on your jacket.

Whoa.

I also know how you boys talk about us girls after a date.

What are you going to tell your friends about me, Chip?

I don't know.

Oh, I guess that you were real polite to Dad.

That's nice.

I was afraid to tell them that I was
pretty and let you kiss me on our first date.

All that stuff.

Let me kiss you in front of Dad?

No, silly.

But boys do brag.

See?

Now we're home, Charlie.

Double dating with a couple of kids.

Must have been a dull evening.

Wasn't dull at all.

We had a great time, right, Chip?

Yeah.

How was Melinda, Chip?

Real polite.

Polite?

That's an understatement.

Melinda's a real doll.

Ernie in bed?

Chased him upstairs a couple of minutes ago.

Good.

Well, I'm kind of tired.

I think I'll go up, too.

Good night and thanks for everything, Dad.

Chip?

Yeah?

Thank you for everything.

Okay.

Good night.

Night, everybody.

Good night, everybody.

Hmm.

Ah, ah, ah.

I'm just going to get a cookie.

Hi, Chip.

How bad was it?

I don't know yet.

I'll have to think it over.

How did she compare with, say, a Japanese wrestler?

Linda's pretty.

About as pretty as Geraldine.

She's spooky.

Well, did she jam her elbow in your ribs
every time there's a kissing scene?

No.

No, the picture was mostly Buffalo.

Did she have you running back and forth
for ice cream and candy?

No.

She was just spooky.

Well, did you tell Dad she was spooky?

No.

I told him she was neat.

Well, that figures.

You gotta be careful using the truth with grown-ups.

Yeah.

You have to go out with Melinda again?

No.

What if I see her at school?

I'll say hi.

I'm not a kind of dad.

Hi, Chip.

Oh, hi, Geraldine.

Did you decide who you're going to go to
the party with yet?

Me or Marvin Newman?

Chip, I thought it over, and I'm going to let you take me.

Good.

I better have my good suit clean.

Are you walking home with anybody special?

No, I don't know anybody else special.

Hi, Chip.

I'm glad you waited to walk home with me.

Hi, Melinda.

Geraldine, this is Melinda.

She just transferred here.

I'm new in school, and Chip is so nice,
introducing me around and all.

I hope we'll be friends, Geraldine.

Do you belong to a club?

The Dan A's.

I'll bet that's the best club in school.

Well, goodbye, Geraldine.

Come on, Chip.

She's very sweet.

Yeah.

Only she should do something about her hair.

I never noticed.

With a little makeup, you wouldn't notice how pale she is.

I guess not.

She's charming.

She could have gone to the school dance with Marvin Nooner.

He's on the football team.

I mean, she'd rather go with me.

When's the dance?

Next Friday.

Chip, you're nice.

My mother thinks your dad's nice.

My dad thinks your mother's nice.

The last man my mother went out with, his son was a glee.

I did a little work on Mama, and they broke up.

How about that?

I understand how you feel about Geraldine,
Chip, and I wouldn't come between you for the world.

Well, you see, we already have this date.

I know.

Your father and my mother make such an attractive couple.

I guess so, considering their age.

I guess she means a lot to him.

Who knows?

One of these days they might even be going steady.

How about that?

You mean you're going steady with Melinda?

Well, I don't even know how it happened.

I don't remember agreeing to anything.

Are you still taking Geraldine to the dance?

Melinda says I'm sending her a corsage and
picking her up at seven.

And no mustard.

No mustard on my jacket.

Have you told Geraldine?

How could I?

She just told me I was her date.

I walked in with Melinda and it turns out I'm her date.

Boy, girls sure fight dirty.

Yeah, but I don't want her to get mad at me.

She might ruin things for Dad.

It's beautiful the way you're willing to
lay down your love life for Dad.

Like in a book.

Yeah.

You know, Chip, you read about parents
making sacrifices for their kids.

You never hear what kids go through for their parents.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Chipper.

How was school today?

Oh, okay.

Would you see Melinda?

Yeah.

Lovely little girl.

Did you see Miss Hendricks at the office today?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did.

I had lunch with her.

You two get along okay?

Oh, yeah, we get along fine.

I'm very fond of Mrs. Hendricks.

She likes you too?

Well, yeah, yeah, I'm sure she does.

Good.

I guess I'll go up and do my homework.

Say, Chip, is something bothering you?

Me?

Yeah.

I mean, are you afraid that maybe Melinda won't go
out with you if her mother and I stop seeing each other?

Oh, yeah, something like that.

Well, I don't think you have to worry about that, Chip.

Oh, good.

This time he's really got it bad.

Maybe in about ten years we'll have a double wedding.

A double wedding?

Well, I thought that you and Natalie...
Oh, come on, Charlie, it's nothing like that.

Chip and Melinda may get to the altar first.

Hi, Charlie.

Ah, old Marley, eh?

Yeah, I finally finished those plans I was
telling you about and turned them over to

the budget department, so I thought I'd knock off.

What are you cooking?

Uh, custard.

Hey, stir it, will you, while I work on the salad?

Oh, sure.

Is Chip home?

Yeah, upstairs, dressing for the dance.

He had me check his jacket for mustard.

All of a sudden he's getting neat.

It must be love, Charlie.

Yeah.

Did he tell you he's going steady with Melinda?

At his age?

Yeah, no wonder he wants a clean jacket.

He usually tells me about any new major
event, but he didn't mention anything about that.

Oh, hi, Chip.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hey, I want you to see something.

Boy, corsages are sure expensive.

One orchid took all next week's allowance.

Now, don't worry about it, Chip.

It's on me.

After all, I introduced you to Melinda and
got you into this.

I don't mind.

We hit it off real good.

Yeah.

Uncle Charlie tells me that you and
Melinda are going steady.

Oh, you don't want me to go steady?

Well, I'd say you're a little young.

Yeah, I am kind of young.

You want me to break up with her?

I suppose by going steady, you just want to
carry her books and... No, she's a very nice girl, Chip.

I wouldn't want you to break up with her.

Thanks, Dad.

Mrs. Hendricks and I are going to the theater tonight,
so we can drop you and Melinda off at the school dance.

That'll be real great.

Oh, excuse me.

You dance beautifully, Chip.

You'll be even better after I give you some lessons.

I've never had lessons for three years from Mrs. Mulrooney.

Don't worry.

I think having two left feet is very masculine.

Oh.

Hi, Chip.

Hi, Tom.

Oh, this is Melinda.

Hi.

Hi, Tommy.

See you later.

He knew we were going steady.

That's why he didn't ask me to dance.

I could tell he was attracted.

He was?

A girl knows those things.

Just like a gentleman knows when to offer
a girl a cup of punch.

Oh.

Would you like a cup of punch?

Yes, thank you, Chip.

Hi, Geraldine.

Chip Douglas, I hate you.

That's what I figured.

Only a rotten boy would ask a girl to a
dance and not take her.

Well, I wanted to take you, Geraldine, but I just couldn't.

Why couldn't you?

Well, because I'm going steady with Melinda.

Oh.

Now I really hate you.

I'm sorry.

Well, maybe someday, if I'm lucky,
and I'm not going steady anymore.

I wondered what was keeping you, Chip.

Oh, hi, Geraldine.

Hi.

That's a beautiful dress.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

I had a real nice dress like that about
three years ago, when I was a child.

Come on, Chip, let's dance.

You know, it's really beautiful the way we met.

You liked me.

You begged me to go steady.

But I think it's a little too soon to talk about marriage.

Marriage?

We're still in junior high.

That's what I'm trying to tell you, silly.

It's too soon.

I think my father let me get married here.

Even to you.

Hi, Chip.

Hi.

Hi.

How was the dance?

Fine.

Where's Dad?

Out with Mrs. Hendricks.

Evidently, Mrs. Hendricks thinks Melinda's
safe in your hands.

Yeah, pretty convenient.

Father and son dating, mother and daughter.

Dad still likes Mrs. Hendricks a lot, huh?

I'm just checking.

Looks like it.

He sees her every day at the plant.

This one might go somewhere.

Do you think it's serious, Uncle Charley?

What?

Dad and Mrs. Hendricks.

Well, he's been wearing that polka dot bow
tie an awful lot.

I think I'll go to sleep.

I'm tired.

Night.

Night.

Night.

Hi.

Hi.

I thought you were asleep.

How can anyone sleep through a family crisis?

Chip, when Dad marries Melinda's mother,
she moves in here with Melinda.

Where?

Where's everybody going to sleep?

I haven't got up to that worry yet.

I guess Melinda and her mother will get
this room, because it has two beds.

Boy, spooky Melinda living in this house.

I'd be sunk.

You're sunk now.

Right here.

Right here in our house.

After coming home and seeing her at
school, then here she is again every day.

Chip, couldn't we go to Dad as a committee
and tell him it's okay for him to marry.

Melinda's mother, but she has to leave
Melinda at their house.

That's dumb.

Sure it is, but it's dumber to let that
woman come in here and wreck our lives.

Ernie, an old guy like Dad doesn't have
much more time to fall in love and junk.

He can't stand in his way.

I know that.

If Dad wants to get hitched, that's his own business.

But it's the package deal I object to.

If you take Melinda's mother, you also get Melinda's.

Melinda?

That's the breaks.

Ernie, we can't ever let Dad know we did this for him.

No matter how spooky Melinda is,
we have to be polite to her.

Boy, at a time like this, I regret all us
guys have high moral character.

That's the way it goes.

Hello?

Yes, yes, he's right here.

Hang on a second.

Dad, it's for you.

Oh, thanks.

Good morning.

Good morning.

It's Miss Hendricks.

Oh, Miss Hurley?

Yeah.

Hello.

Yeah.

What's wrong, Natalie?

Really?

Chip and Melinda?

Well, I can't believe that.

I mean, well, yes, he said something
about going steady, but I know Chip, and it.

...

Look, Natalie, if you're really worried
about this thing, I'll take care of it.

Oh, sure.

It'll probably come as quite a blow to Chip, but...

Now, stop worrying, will you?

I said I'd take care of it.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Are the boys dressed for school?

Ernie's waiting for Chip.

Ernie's very interested in the
coming-of-age period in teenagers.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi.

You know, Charlie, I'm a little worried.

I thought Chip and Melinda were just a couple of
kids sort of pretending at a grown-up role man's.

Of course, that's all it is.

Yeah, but I just talked to Mrs. Hendricks
on the phone, and she seems to think

they're about ready to go house hunting or something.

Good morning, Dad.

Bravo.

Hi, Chip.

Good morning, everybody.

Say, uh, Chip, I, uh, forgot to ask you
how the dance went Friday night.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah, I had a real good time.

Chip, Mrs. Hendricks just called.

You're gonna marry Mrs. Hendricks?

Crash.

Right in the middle of my cereal.

Here comes the double wedding.

No, it's nothing.

It's just that, well, Chip, Mrs. Hendricks
doesn't want you to go steady with Melinda.

Dad, this is on the level.

Mrs. Hendricks wants me to break up with Melinda?

That's right, Chip.

I know it's a blow to you, but,
uh, well, it can't be helped.

It can't be helped.

Yahoo!

That's great, huh, Chip?

I don't have to go steady with that goofy girl.

Goofy girl?

The kid's cracking up.

Why don't you like Melinda?

Like her?

I don't even understand her.

Chip, you mean you're happy about breaking up with Melinda?

Oh, my.

Oh, boy.

Then why did you want to marry her?

Me?

Want to marry her?

Me?

Her?

Dad, Chip had to do whatever she wanted.

Otherwise, she would have made her mother
stop going with you.

So you went steady with Melinda just to protect me?

Well, I thought you expected to marry Miss
Hendricks and junk like that.

Mrs. Hendricks and I are just very good
friends, that's all.

Oh, boy, she held it over my head like a club.

Boy, am I glad I don't have to go steady anymore.

What's your rush?

You haven't finished your breakfast.

I haven't got time.

I have to find Geraldine.

I guess it'll be a while before I have to
buy that wedding present for Chip.

You know, Charlie, I can't get over it.

I mean, Chip going steady with a girl he
doesn't like just to protect me.

Dad, you don't know what us kids go
through to protect our parents.

Dad, you don't know Geraldine's mother, do you?

No.

Good.

My Three Sons is twice as nice when you see it twice.

So stay tuned for more middle-class suburban hijinks on
another episode of My Three Sons, next, only in TV Land.