07x27 - Ernie's Folly

[bunniefuu]

Well, first day.

What's your name?

Laszlo.

What's yours?

Ernie.

Ernie Douglas.

What's your last name?

Chaputin.

Chaputin?

Sounds like a sneeze.

Want to treat sandwiches?

Sure.

I have peanut butter and jelly.

What is it?

Hedgehog.

Oh, sure, Laszlo.

What is it?

Really?

Hedgehog.

Mmm.

Tastes like chicken.

I never heard of anybody eating hedgehog before.

Maybe you never knew any gypsies before.

It's our favorite food.

Gypsies?

Laszlo, are you a gypsy?

Uh-huh.

What's it like being a gypsy?

I don't know.

I wasn't there or anything else.

What's it like being a casual?

That's what we call non-gypsies.

I don't know.

Well, I'm a casual.

I'm not an ordinary gypsy.

I'll be a king someday.

You will?

On the level?

I come from a long line of gypsy kings.



We better hurry, Your Highness.

Okay, wait a minute.

What'd you grind the eggshells for?

Precaution.

If you leave eggshells around,
witches make boats out of them.

Oh.

It's like a trail.

Like the motor is a horse.

Come on, Ernie, this is going to get some meat.

Yeah.

That's terrible.

What kind of soup is that?

Not soup.

Batwings, hogwort.

Grand's making a spell.

What does your grandmother do with these spells?

Try it.

She tries to sell them.

She tells a good fortune, but she's
terrible at making magic spells.

I'll get us some cookies.

She's pretty.

That's my mother.

They say she was beautiful.

How'd they say mine was?

Mine was too.

Mine was a queen.

I think mine was a democrat.

Did your mother dance?

No.

But they say she made great gingerbread.

Greetings, small ones.

Hi, Grandma.

You know, Grandma, I am...

Very good, very good.

Simmering just right.

This just isn't like Ernie.

I mean, he always calls if he's going to be late.

Maybe we ought to call the police.

Good evening, casuals.

It's about time, Ernie.

Come here.

Now, where have you been?

You've had us all worried.

Yeah, and what's this casual bit?

Oh, of course.

You wouldn't understand.

It's a gypsy word for a non-gypsy.

You are all obviously non-gypsies.

Ernie, your dad asked you where you'd been.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.

I just plain forgot.

I went home with Laszlo after school.

And do you know what his home is?

A wagon.

Laszlo?

Yeah.

His last name's Chaputnik.

I can say it now.

He's great.

You'll like him.

Are you ready for this?

He's a real gypsy.

And not only a gypsy, a king.

I hope you're kidding.

You didn't go home with a gypsy.

Yeah, really.

Now I've heard everything.

Ernie, where did you meet this Laszlo?

He's my new best friend at school.

Oh.

Dad, can I invite him to dinner tomorrow?

Well, yes, I suppose you can, Ernie.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Steve.

Charley, he's Ernie's new best friend.

Now, Ernie, go and get cleaned up for dinner, hmm?

Okay, Dad.

And take a bath.

Hey, Uncle Charles, do you like Laszlo?

You're his uncle, too.

I'm a gypsy's uncle?

Yeah.

We did the blood brother ceremony on the
way home this afternoon.

Hey, it stopped bleeding.

We gypsies sure heal fast.

That doesn't.

Upstairs and take a bath.

And scrub.

Okay, that's no way to address a man with
the blood of kings.

Well, Dad, you didn't lose a son.

You gained a gypsy.

Mr.

Douglas?

Yes.

Laszlo?

Hi, Laszlo.

Hi, Ernie.

Well, come in, won't you?

Mr. Douglas, and these are my people.

My father, my grandmother.

How do you do?

How do you do?

And these are my people.

My son, Chip, and Robbie.

How do you do?

And I guess you know Ernie.

Hi.

It's not for people, true, but for gadgets, it's nice.

Mr. Douglas, you may call me Boris.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Boris.

I'm Madame Olga.

Madame Olga?

We came to see if we approve of Laszlo's blood brother.

We don't accept just anyone.

I see.

How soon do we eat?

I have to hunger.

Oh.

Well, Uncle Charley does the cooking.

I'll go and ask him.

Cooking is woman's work.

All right.

Why don't we all sit down?

Oh.

Oh.

Who plays?

I do, for a little.

Boy, Charley, don't.

I told you, open the door to a gypsy and
they swarm in like locusts.

Oh, I'm sorry, Charley, but I don't know what to do.

I mean, it looks like a whole bunch of
them are planning on staying for dinner.

Sure they are.

Anything I can do to help?

Yeah, get out some more dishes and keep an
eye on the silverware.

Good boy, good boy, good boy.

We accept you too into the tribe.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Charley, come on in.

You haven't met our guests.

It's Madam Olga and Boris Chip...

Chipotny.

And this is Uncle Charley.

Hi.

Now you are my Uncle Charley too.

Oh, come.

Cooking is woman's work.

Hey, what's going on?

I don't know, Charley, but I think we've been adopted.

Hi.

Hi, Ernie.

Hi.

I just wanted to thank you for being so
nice to Laszlo's family.

You're welcome.

Can I stay up a little while?

No.

Ernie, it's way past your bedtime now.

Oh, okay.

Hey, Red Jack, I'm Black Queen.

Steve, do you smell garlic?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.

Oh, I'm wearing it.

You're wearing it?

Yeah.

Anti-evil eye.

Spirits won't go near garlic.

Ernie, you've never believed in evil spirits?

Well, it's like not walking under ladders
or letting a black cat cross your path.

Yeah, well, I take chances.

Good night.

Good night.

You see, it's beginning.

Next, he'll be telling fortunes.

Oh, come on, Charlie, he's just having a lot of fun.

Besides, you know how gypsies are.

Any day now, you'll hear they've left town.

They haven't left yet.

Steve, my brother?

Huh?

He thought you wanted to meet the rest of your tribe.

Well, we'd like to very much, Mr. Horace,
but isn't it a little late?

Late for gypsies?

Oh, us gypsies don't have to get up early and go to work.

I was so old.

I was so old.

Boy, this is neat, Laszlo.

But how come you're allowed to stay up so
late on a school night?

It's a celebration.

We have lots of stuff.

Joe likes being a gypsy.

Woo!

Stay tuned.

Twice as Nice Mornings continues with My
Three Sons in TV Land.

This Saturday, TV Land presents... In TV Land.

Well, Forrest, it's been an unusual night for us.

Good night, my brother.

Good night, Laszlo.

Good night, Mr. Douglas.

Good night, Laszlo.

Wasn't it neat-O?

Yes, Ernie, it was fine.

I'll let you know after I count the
silverware in the morning.

Boy, the guys at school will never believe this.

Yes, I may do a paper on unusual ethnic groups.

Well, Ernie, you and Chip better get off to bed.

Okay, good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Boy, I think I'll turn in too that night.

Good night, Robin.

Steve, you know something?

Those gypsies made a big racket when they arrived.

They sure did.

Yeah, but I don't hear anything now, do you?

No.

You got rid of them, all right.

Charley, they take some blunt language, but
they're certainly not going to camp here in our front yard.

Mr. Douglas?

Oh, no, Laszlo, where's your father?

I'd like to talk to him.

Please, sir, can I talk to you first?

Inside the house?

All right.

Mr. Douglas, Mr. O'Casey, I understand how
you feel about me.

I feel about my father sitting up camp on your front lawn.

Well, Aslo, I guess maybe you haven't been
members of the tribe long enough to know what to expect.

Well, what you had in mind was the bum's rush.

Sir, whatever you decide to do, I want to
thank you for letting us come to your home.

I never had a home except the wagon since my mother died.

We used to stay longer in one place when she was
alive, sometimes long enough to plant a tree, even.

But now we just keep moving.

You're kind and your home is beautiful.

I guess I'd better go to bed now.

Ernie and I have exams in the morning.

Boy, it sure is great having a brother.

Brothers, I mean.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

Good night, sir.

Aslo?

Morning, brother.

Come on.

Us gypsies don't want to be late for school.

I brought a new lunch for both of us.

Hedgehog?

Hedgehog.

Come on.

Come on.

I agreed to cook for the Douglas family.

Nobody mentioned any band of gypsies.

Hello?

Yes, this is the Douglas residence.

Oh, Mrs. Hargrove.

A horse in your backyard.

Yes, it's probably the one out of our garage.

Yes, I know this area is not licensed for livestock.

I'll be right over.

Hello?

Mr. Douglas, please.

Hello, Steve?

I just wanted to bring you up to date on our guests.

Okay, Charley.

Pay the man for the roses and get the
horse out of Mrs. Hargrove's bank yard.

I agree.

It's gone far enough.

Yeah, I'll be leaving the office here in about ten minutes.

Okay.

I'll be home.

Stay tuned.

Twice as Nice Mornings continues with My
Three Sons in TV Land.

This morning and every morning, this
month, TV Land is going to be twice as nice.

TV Land.

Mike, gypsies, clean this out and beat it.

Every pot and pan in the house.

Sure, I left the door open.

Our kid is a member of the tribe.

We trusted him.

Oh, now listen, Sergeant, I'll explain when you get here.

Oh, hiya, Steve.

Charlie, they took all our pots and pans?

The work's gone.

I came home from trying to pacify the neighborhood.

Not a sign of them.

Dad, Uncle Charlie, where's my car?

Your car?

Well, I left it in the driveway and I walked
over to Dan's down the street and now it's gone.

Did you leave the keys in it?

Well, sure, it's in our own driveway.

It figures.

It figures.

They needed a car to haul the pots and pans.

Hey, you guys, who took my bike?

Well, where did you leave it, Chip?

In the garage.

I rode it home from school.

They must have needed something for Laszlo to ride on.

The car and the wagon was overloaded with our stolen goods.

Well, didn't they even say goodbye, Charlie?

Did Jesse James say goodbye?

This is going to break Ernie's heart.

Where is he anyway?

Steve, you don't think...

Chip, did you see Ernie?

Not since he came home from school with Laszlo.

Boy, he could be in a gypsy camp in Romania by now.

Well, now, wait a minute, Charley.

Let's not panic.

Why shouldn't we panic?

Well, because Charley just called the police,
and they'll be here in a couple of minutes.

Ernie, where have you been?

Across town.

Boris has a brother who settled here.

He's what they call a tinker.

What's that?

Chip, a tinker fixes.

Things like pots and pans.

My brother, Lollislaus, he has this shop.

He lets us use the tools.

We fixed the wheel on Chip's bike, too.

They took the din out of Robbie's Fender.

And shined up Uncle Charley's pots and pans like new.

Well, that's very nice.

Those gypsies are kind of like Boy Scouts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Go inside.

And we have a little music.

I forgot.

Mr. Douglas?

What's going on?

Well, officer, there's been a little mistake.

Oh, what are you having, some kind of a costume party here?

Oh, yes, yes.

These are our friends.

Well, I'm glad there's no real trouble.

Mr. Douglas, goodbye.

Oh, thanks, officer.

Boris, you see... Yes, we see.

Well, we came home, and when we found things were gone...

Dad, why should anyone want to call the police?

Ernie, you'll soon understand.

With gypsies, one calls the police first
and asks questions afterwards.

Boris, we're all very sorry.

We hope you'll forgive us and come in.

We'd like to hear some more gypsy music.

Boris, I think it's time to move on.

Dad, could we stay?

Remember, with gypsies, a little Patience.

Of course.

If we do not understand gadgets, how
can we expect them to understand gypsies?

Come, we are brothers again.

Come on, Dad.

You, I teach how to make a magic spell.

Special price, one dollar.

A little magic never hurt anybody.

Come on, kid.

Boris, we're very ashamed of ourselves.

Do not concern yourself, Steve.

Of course, it occurred to some of us to steal the parts and

bands, but then it was impossible,
since Ernie's a blood brother.

Well, come in.

Of course.

And then I will make you the finest gift in my power.

What is that?

We will leave.

My Three Sons is twice as nice when you see it twice.

So stay tuned for more middle-class suburban hijinks on
another episode of My Three Sons, next, only in TV Land.