07x30 - The Sky Is Falling

[bunniefuu]

Go get it, tr*mp.

Go on, go get it.

Here, tr*mp.

Now, come now, lad.

Barking like that will be a stranger to these parts.

Now, now, now, now, if you'll sit like a
gentleman and behave, I'll give you more.

Now, now, now, now, if you'll sit like a
gentleman and behave, I'll give you more.

He was a cobbler.

He used to fix the king's shoes.

I never knew Ireland had a king.

Well, he was a retired king.

Oh.

Now, one morning, Orlando went to get the
king's shoes, but they were gone.

What happened?

Antoine stole them.

Who's Antoine?

Well, Antoine is Orlando's dog.

Well, how big was he?

Oh, he was much smaller than Orlando.

I should say he was about that high.

How could he pick up the king's shoes if
he was that little?

Well, the king had very small feet.

How about a spot of lunch?

No, thanks.

I've got to get home.

Don't you have a home?

Oh, the world's my home.

The sky is my roof.

The earth is my carpet.

Oh, I need a good life.

No ties, no responsibilities.

If I want to leave, I just pack my belongings and go.

And no dishes either.

Sounds neat.

Well, I go east for the spring,
west for the fall, south for the winter.

The north, not at all.

What's your name?

Edward Alexander O'Grady, but you may call me Edward.

I'm Ernie Douglas, but you may call me Ernie.

Ernie it is.

Will you be here tomorrow?

Well, it all depends on the win, Ernie.

If it blows from the east, I'll be heading upstate.

Well, so long, Edward.

So long, Ernie.

Come on, tr*mp.

Come on.

Come on.

Ha!

tr*mp.

An imaginative name.

Okay.

Which one of you landlubbers is going shopping?

Robbie, good for you.

I didn't say a word.

You should learn to speak up.

I'll go with you, Rob.

All right.

I thought you were going to help me clean
out the garage, Chip.

So why do you think he offered to go shopping?

Ernie can help that.

This is his home, too, you know.

Who are we feeding, the army?

Look, with the hollow-leg friends you bring
home, we might as well be feeding the army.

How about some money?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And don't forget the stamps.

Dan?

Mm-hmm?

Is this really my home?

Well, of course.

Can I invite my friends here, like Robbie and Chip?

Why not?

For dinner?

Well, naturally.

Tonight?

Well, it looks like the larder's gonna be restocked.

I guess tonight's as good as any.

Hold it.

Who are you inviting?

A friend.

What friend?

His name's Edward.

It's all right, Charlie.

Oh, boy!

Why did you do that?

Well, Charlie, the other boys invite their
friends over for dinner.

Why shouldn't Manny?

Do you know who Edward is?

No.

Do you?

If I did, would I ask?

He's probably one of Ernie's little school friends.

Probably.

Who else does he know?

For all you know, Edward may be a six-legged kangaroo.

Oh, now, come on, Charlie.

How many six-legged kangaroos do you know?

By the name of Edward?

Well, then you'll come?

It would be my pleasure.

Well, we eat at 6 O'clock, and we live at 837 Mill Street.

Oh, Ernie, I trust you don't dress for dinner.

Heck no.

We're just a bunch of guys.

We don't have to dress up.



Well,

Charlie, eating in the dining room tonight, huh?

Yeah.

Kitchen's good enough for everybody else's
friends, but not Ernie's.

Well, it's the first time he's had one of
his little friends over to dinner.

Probably wants to show off.

Edward's a very special friend.

Just wanted to be nice, that's all.

I'll take that to him now.

Here, Uncle Charley.

Ah, you finish setting the table.

I'll get the door.

And a good evening to you.

We don't want any.

Was that my friend, Uncle Charley?

No, that was some bum with a guitar.

Probably looking for a handout.

Oh, that was Edward.

Oh, now, now, hold on.

Wait a minute, Charley.

Bernie, how old is your friend?

Oh, I don't know.

About as old as you, I guess.

Well, now, look.

We're not entertaining nobody.

He's not a bum.

He's a singer and an artist, and he's my
friend, and you promised, Dad.

Uh, Charley, open the door, hmm?

What?

Well, any friend of Ernie's is a friend of ours.

Open the door.

I'll bet he's gone.

Want to bet?

Lovely night.

You were right, Uncle Charley.

For the moment, I thought I had the wrong house.

Oh, no, no.

This is the right house, all right.

It's just that, uh, well, we thought
Ernie's guest would be a little, uh, younger.

Well, I don't want to cause any trouble
after my friend Ernie.

You're no trouble.

Oh, no, no.

You're no trouble at all.

Uh, I'm Steve Douglas, Ernie's father.

Oh, I'm glad to make your acquaintance.

And this is my Uncle Charley.

Hi.

Edward Alexander O'Grady.

But you may call me Edward.

Everyone does.

Call me Mr. O'Casey.

Hardly anyone does.

Good to meet a fellow countryman.

Well, looks like you've made a hit with tr*mp.

Takes one to know one.

Well, come on, that's enough, tr*mp.

Ernie, why don't you take Edward into the living room?

Come on, Edward.

Robbie and Chip will be down in a couple of minutes.

Oh, say, this is a lovely house.

I sure like living here.

I feel at home already.

Well, at least he isn't a six-legged kangaroo.

That's right.

He's a two-legged freeloader.

I haven't had a meal like this since I was
a guest of the mayor of New York.

Yeah?

How long are we in for?

Hey, you better like some of the Irish, Mr. O'Casey.

Uncle Charley, maybe Edward would like some more meat.

Well, I don't mind if I do.

Uh, Charley.

I'll see if I can scrape some more off the bone.

Well, now, I don't want you to go to any service.

I don't want any trouble.

Okay.

But they say the meat closest to the bone
is, uh, the choicest.

Charley.

Uncle Charley, if there isn't enough meat,
there's some meatloaf left from last night.

Uh, beef or pork?

Salmon.

Salmon.

Oh, one of my favorite foods.

Salmon loaf.

Would you like some more gravy, Edward?

I don't mind if I do.

And a spot more of potatoes.

Otherwise, I won't come out even.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll get some more coffee.

That guy's eating like food is going out of style tonight.

Well, it's probably the first square meal
he's had in a long time.

Yeah, well, he don't look poverty stricken to me.

Now, that look, Charlie, he's Ernie's
friend, and Ernie thinks he's terrific,

so we can't embarrass him or Ernie will never forgive us.

It won't hurt us to offer our hospitality
for one evening, right?

For one evening, huh?

Yeah.

How would you like a permanent guest?

What do you mean?

Three bucks says before the evening is
over, he's hinting for a place to sleep.

I don't think he'll do that, Charlie.

Want a bet?

Yeah, it's a bet.

I know a very wicked man.

I knew him when a lad.

I never met his equal telling lies.

Although he takes delight in doing everything
that's bad, he thinks he'll go to heaven when he dies.

When but a child he robbed his dear old grandma in
her sleep, he stole two golden teeth out of her jaws.

Now he's been a kleptomaniac since he
began to creep, and the neighbors think

that he's all right because, ah, he goes.

He goes to church on Sunday, and he passes
around the contribution box.

You'll meet him in an office on a Monday,
or he's shrewd and just as cunning as a fox.

On Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, ah, he's cheating everybody that he can.

But he goes to church.

He goes to church on Sunday, so they say
that he's an honest man.

Hi, Edward.

Well, I guess it's getting a little late.

It is a dud, but I'll tell you what I'll do.

The first thing tomorrow morning, I will
teach you another song of the old sod.

Well, I'm afraid we have a pretty heavy
schedule around here on Sunday mornings, Edward.

Oh, you won't bother me.

I'll find some place to sleep that's close by.

Why don't you stay overnight with us?

Well, Ernie, I don't think Chip could move
in with me and Edward could have his bed.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I wouldn't do that.

Well, then, after all, I have my bed with me.

That's great.

Well, see, I could bed down any place.

Right here.

Closer to the kitchen, you know.

I know.

Well, maybe you can stay with us for a long time.

Oh, now, Ernie.

Now, Ernie, I appreciate your invitation.

But I wouldn't be imposing on your hospitality.

But I might stay a week or two.

Or maybe three.

La, la, la.

Steve, now that we got a permanent house
guest, maybe we better add on another room.

Oh, come on, Charley, it's just for tonight, you know that?

No, I don't know that.

You know what Ernie is doing right now?

Fixing hot chocolate for that good-for-nothing freeloader.

He even snitched my pajamas to loan him,
and he took him his sandwich just in case

he wakes up in the middle of the night hungry.

Not exactly my idea how to get rid of someone.

Well, I'm sure Ernie has too much sense to
be taken in for more than one day.

Want to make another bed?

Hey, Dad, it's Uncle Charley.

Hi.

See, Ernie, it's a little late.

You know, you ought to be in bed.

Oh, I was just talking to Edward.

Boy, he sure got the right idea of living.

Oh?

Well, he can go any place he wants to,
meet all kinds of interesting people,

never has to worry about cleaning house or cooking meals.

And when he needs money, he just sings a
song or paints a picture.

Hmm.

Well, look, Edward just sketched it.

Yeah, that's really pretty good.

Who is it?

Me.

Me.

Anybody could tell.

Boy, I'm sure glad he's going to be around for a while.

Night, Dad.

Uncle Charley.

Good night, Ernie.

Well?

Charley, we have a small problem.

You got a big problem.

No, Ernie just has a slight case of hero
worship, that's all.

Hero?

Well, to Ernie he is.

Now, the problem is, how do you
cope with a hero who's, uh... A bum?

Okay, you guys, chow's on.

Uncle Charley, shh.

What's the matter?

Edward's still sleeping in the living room.

He's pretty tired.

Well, the way he shoveled in that food
last night, I'm not surprised.

I'm taking his breakfast into him.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

If he wants breakfast, he can get up like
the rest of us around here.

What do you mean, fixing that tray for him?

He said I didn't have to, but he's a guest.

What does he do, talk in his sleep?

Well, he woke up long enough to say he was hungry.

Steve, the little squirt just took in the tray.

What are you going to do about it?

First, I'm going to have some coffee.

Then what?

Well, Charley, there's a lot of work to be
done around here today, isn't there?

You can say that again.

You think maybe Edward would like to give us a hand?

Oh, you can ask him.

Are you kidding?

Wave a broom in front of him and he'll fly away.

That's the idea, Charley.

Why don't you just tell him to pick up and go?

Because of Ernie.

Now, look.

Charley.

Can I have some more coffee for Edward?

Tell him to come in and get it himself.

Here you go, Ernie.

Thanks, Dad.

Say, Ernie, I've been thinking.

Like what?

Well, as long as Edward seems to enjoy
staying here with us so much, do you think

maybe he'd like to help us with the work
around here a little?

Well, sure he would.

It might make him feel more at ease.

Make him feel that he's contributing his share.

Oh, like he's one of the family?

Exactly.

I'll go tell him.

What did you want him to do, Dad?

Well, plenty of things have to be done.

I mean, there's the lawn and the garage and...

Well, I'll tell you.

Why don't you decide, huh?

Terrell!

You ain't gonna get rid of Matt easy.

Wanna bet?

Anyway, Edward, now that you're gonna be staying
a while, you're gonna be just like one of the family.

Well, that's off the ice to you,
Ernie, but how do you mean?

Well, we always pitch in on the weekends
and do a lot of work around the house.

Work?

You know, clean the house, stuff like that.

On Sunday?

Sure.

You know, I was supposed to teach you some
songs and tr*mp some tricks.

You can do that after you mow the front yard.

Well, I think the spot logged in very well.

No, it's just a shame to cut that beautiful grass.

It grows better if it's cut every week.

Only take a couple of hours.

And raking up the leaves and back won't take over an hour.

I'll help.

Yes, well, now you see, um... And then there's the
garage to clean up and the driveway to hose down.

There's a lot of other things to do in the house.

But I thought you'd like to be outside.

Oh, I would, I would.

Fresh air, sunshine.

Sunshine.

The open road.

Swole.

I'll tell Dad.

Now tell me, Ernie, when does these activities begin?

Right away.

Well, dear, you better get me another cup of coffee.

Kind of get the wheels working.

Just early in the morning.

Sure, I'll get it for you.

Edward said he'd like to help out.

Yeah.

Are you sure?

Doing what?

All the lot, all that junk.

That way he can still be outside.

Well, maybe we've misjudged him.

Maybe you have.

I haven't.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad, he's gone.

Well, uh, maybe he's outside, uh, working or anything.

Well, his things are gone, too.

He's not out there.

Maybe he remembered he had an appointment.

Well, he wouldn't go without telling me or saying goodbye.

Would he?

I don't know, Ernie.

He.

Promised to teach me a song, tr*mp a
trick, to mow the lawn.

I thought he wanted to be part of our family.

Well, Ernie, I think he did, as long as everything
was free, as long as we were all waiting on him.

But being part of a family means sharing the work,
and I'm afraid it just didn't mean that much to Edward.

Hi, Ernie.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Well, you didn't find Edward, huh?

No.

Boy, he really fooled me, Dad.

Well, Ernie, I guess most of us get taken
in one time or another.

You too?

Oh, sure.

He even fooled tr*mp, and tr*mp's pretty hard to fool.

I didn't fool Uncle Charley.

No, but Uncle Charley's been around a lot.

How come you let Edward stay for dinner and everything?

Well, I thought it might be better if you
found out for yourself.

Besides, I wasn't sure I was right, so don't feel too bad.

I don't.

If you let me find out for myself, I guess
that means you don't think I'm too dumb, huh?

Now, that's right.

Boy, Edward doesn't know what he's missing.

Yes, and does he?

How do you mean?

Well, being part of a family.

No, I'm sure he doesn't.

All right, come on, let's get some lunch.

Come on, tr*mp, hold on.

Come on.

Tomorrow night, TV land throws you in the clink.

It would be advisable to pay attention.

Fall in for ten hours of back-to-back
Hogan's Heroes Invertivision.

Hogan's Heroes Invertivision, tomorrow night
starting at 8 O'clock Eastern, 5 Pacific, only in TV land.