08x17 - The Chaperones

[bunniefuu]

Dad?

Yeah, Chip, I'm in here.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

What's on your mind?

Well, this is the week in Gordy's uncle's,
letting us use his cabin up at the lake.

Oh, yeah.

Should be beautiful up there this time of year.

Who's all going?

Oh, Gordy, Rick, and I, and our dates.

Girls, I suppose you have a lot of things
planned for this weekend.

I mean, stuff you want to do.

Yeah, why, Chip?

Oh, you need a chaperone.

Yeah, but there'll be six of us.

Teenagers.

Well, Chip, I'd like to help you out,
but, uh, well, I'm working on this project.

Now, I should finish it by Friday night, but if I
don't, I just might have to work on it over the weekend.

Well, that's okay.

Thanks anyway, Dad.

You know, I wouldn't want to tell you I could
do it and then have to back out at the last minute.

Oh, sure.

It's kind of a problem who to get for a chaperone.

Uh, did you have any... Anybody else in mind?

Um, well, what we need is somebody who's
kind of young, but not too young.

You know, a little older, but not too old.

Somebody the, uh, parents would approve of.

Yeah, a kind of, uh, youngish older people.

Or, uh, oldish-youngish.

Yeah, like, um, like Robbie and Katie.

Somebody like that.

Say, how about Robbie and Katie?

They're, uh, sort of oldish-youngish, huh?

Robbie and Katie?

Hey, Dad, you've got a great idea.

They'd be just right.

You think they'd do it?

Well, I have no idea, Chip.

Why don't you ask them?

Rob?

Dad, maybe you could give Rob a few pointers.

Like, stay out of sight, and no scaring
the girls, and none of that Captain Bly stuff.

Oh, sure.

I'll suggest the, uh, iron hand and the velvet glove.

Uh, so the girls don't notice, of course.

Oh, you called me?

Yeah, Rob, uh, Chip has a proposition.

Uh, excuse me, fellas, I've got to get to work.

Well, uh, like what?

Well, Gordy, Rick, and I are taking our
dates up to the lake, and we need a chaperone.

So?

That suggested you and Katie.

Us?

We're not old enough.

You kids would run us ragged.

Well, that's the idea, Rob.

You're not too old, and you guys are
married, and that's what it takes.

Chip thinks, uh, you'd remember your problems at that age,
Rob, and, uh, an old fogey like me would spoil all the fun.

And, Rob, it'll be a free weekend.

You don't have to pay for anything.

The girls are bringing the food and stuff, so you and Katie
can relax and eat yourself silly and stay out of sight.

You know, when I was your age, I... I always
wished we could find a chaperone like me.

Okay, we'll do it.

Oh, boy, that solves our problem.

Thanks, Rob.

I got a phone, Shirley.

I'll tell Katie that we're supposed to be invisible.

Rob.

Yeah?

I just want you to know this wasn't my idea.

I think the boys had you staked out.

Oh, naturally.

Boy, I remember the time I went to the
mountains for the weekend.

Yeah, we had this old fuss budget that
followed us around wherever we went.

If, uh, that's the weekend I think it was.

Because I was that old fuss budget.

Oh.

Well, uh, but what I meant was you really
got in there and chaperoned.

Well, now, that's what I expect you to do, Rob.

The parents are depending on you, and that includes me.

We'll just try to keep them in hand, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll figure out what I would have done if
I was their age, and, uh, I'll stop them from doing it.

Let's get going, g*ng.

We haven't got all day.

Gotta pick up the other kids.

Uh, Rob, huh?

Oh, I guess I was coming on a little strong there.

Okay, relax.

A few minutes more or less won't make any big difference.

But the sooner we get going, the sooner the weekend begins.

Better.

Okay, bye, Dad.

Goodbye, Rob.

Thanks, Charlie.

Have a good time, Katie.

Thanks, Dad.

I'll keep an eye on Rob and make sure he
keeps an eye on those kids.

Bye.

Bye.

Dad, I'd like you to meet Shirley.

Hello, Shirley.

And Uncle Charlie.

Hi.

Hello.

I've heard so much about both of you and Chip.

We can yak with them during the week, Shirley.

This is on our own time.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye, Shirley.

I see the pretty little girl.

Ah, they all look alike.

Well, not to each other, Charlie.

Now that you let them have the station
wagon, what are you going to use for a car?

Uh, Robbie's wheels.

Dad, see you Sunday night.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah, Ernie?

I think he got so interested in Robbie and Katie and
Chip going away, he forgot I wasn't going anyplace.

Well, Ernie, I, uh, I thought you'd be here with Uncle
Charley and, uh, maybe have one of your friends over.

Well, nothing's been arranged.

Guess I'm just poor old Ernie again.

Come on, Ernie, you're breaking my heart.

Well, I've got to get down to that meeting.

Don't wait dinner for me, Charlie.

I might be a little late.

Say, Charlie, uh, why don't you see if
you can't arrange something for Ernie, huh?

Okay, I'll be his chaperone.

Watching one kid shouldn't be too hard.

Would you watch two kids?

Kids?

I'd invite George.

Yeah, but tell him if he gets out of line,
I'll belt him one.

That's the only way I know how to chaperone.

Okay, Ernie.

You bet.

All right, see you tonight.

Come on, pal.

How about this?

Real private.

This is going to be neat.

Yeah, let's do it.

Hey, let's do it.

Let's look from the inside.

Hey, open it up for us.

Hey, let's go.

Hey, you guys.

Come back here, get your gear, and haul it inside.

We can do that later.

Well, we better do it now.

I think we should cooperate with Robbie
and Katie on all the things that don't matter.

I thought they might give us trouble, but it looks
like they're going to be easier to handle than we were.

Rob, did you see how they automatically
split up into couples?

Kate, that's kid stuff.

Well, their parents are relying on us to
watch every move they make.

Katie, what you need is faith.

What you need is glasses.

Rob.

Huh?

Honey.

Rob.

What's the matter?

The kids are still up.

Up where?

Up in the living room.

So what about it, honey?

The quarter of them.

Better go out and tell them to go to bed.

Katie, they're big kids.

I'd feel silly telling them to go to bed.

They're teenagers, and they shouldn't be
up at this time of the night.

I think I'm out of my mind.

No.

I'm telling a bunch of 16-year-olds.

I don't know what time it is.

It's our responsibility.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, Mr. Douglas, I bet we woke you up.

Oh, I keep telling them to turn that record player down.

It's okay.

Is anything wrong?

Well, we were kind of wondering if you
knew it was kind of late.

You know, so you can get started right in
the early tomorrow morning.

Look, I'm sorry.

It's not that I want to spoil your fun.

Okay, Mr. Douglas.

We're going, Betty.

Bye.

Good night.

Good night, Chip.

Good night.

Good night.

What?

What up?

Real.

Boy, Rob, don't you remember when you were young?

They look like it was a big mistake that
they invited us to be chaperones.

Dear, when they look back on this weekend,
they'll realize we had their best interest at heart.

Yeah, maybe.

But right now.

They're figuring out how to poison our food.

Good night.

George,

Ernie invited me.

At six O'clock in the morning?

My dad likes to get up early.

Where's Ernie?

I don't know.

He let you in the house, didn't he?

Nope.

Then who did?

Nobody.

The kitchen window was open.

If you were my kid, I'd have you arrested for housebreak.

What are you doing in here, anyway?

Go find Ernie.

Where is he?

In bed.

Where's that?

In his bedroom.

Where's that?

Upstairs at the end of the hall.

You shouldn't holler.

It could give me a complex.

It could give you a complex.

Right where you sit down.

Beep.

Beep.

Good morning, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, morning.

We thought you'd still be asleep.

Katie got me up early to keep an eye on you.

Oh, you don't have to worry about us today.

We're going on a hike.

Hey, good idea.

Hey, can you hang around a second?

Katie and I will join you.

Oh, Katie's busy in the kitchen.

You probably want to fool around with the car.

It's okay.

We'll see you later.

We don't want to be passed.

Just a joke.

Mr. Douglas, you don't have to go on an
old hike with a bunch of kids.

Well, I'd like to go.

Of course, if you don't trust us.

No, I trust you.

Look, you wanted a chaperone.

A chaperone isn't supposed to follow us
around all the time like a private detective.

All right.

If you don't go too far.

I mean, go too far from here.

Oh, we're just going over to the other side of the lake.

Mr. Douglas, you're so suspicious, just like my father.

I'm not.

It's just that a chaperone is supposed to, well, chaperone.

Sure, Rob, we understand.

But you stay right here and chaperone.

Come on.

Bye-bye.

See you later.

Bye.

See ya.

Where are the kids?

Oh, uh, they're going on a hike.

Alone?

No, no, they're in a group.

Six.

Rob, that'll be three couples in about a minute and a half.

Katie, they're just going over to the
other side of the lake.

We can't let them roam around.

They're teenagers.

Honey, we can't follow them around every second.

Well, you can follow them.

Which way did they go?

They went that way.

Well, get going.

Catch up with them.

Katie, I would feel like a fool.

Rob, while we're arguing, they're dividing into couples.

Okay.

Okay.

Chip?

Woody?

Somebody?

Chip?

Shh.

It's a Robin and three little birds in a nest.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I'm just looking for a...

Well, just sort of checking.

Uh, where are the others?

Well, Gordy and Joanne turned off to Greenspring,
and Rick and Tina headed for Adler Flats.

Gordy?

Joanne?

Something wrong?

Did somebody get hurt?

No, no.

I was just, uh...

Just what?

What?

Uh, I was just looking for Rick and Tina.

Hi, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, hi.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Well, I mean, uh, you shouldn't be
wandering around by yourselves.

I mean, uh, well, we're supposed to be chaperoning,
and, uh, what did you think we were doing?

Well, I didn't think anything, but, uh,
well, you're supposed to stay together.

Why?

Why?

Well, why, you just are.

Look, you guys, if we get out of Robbie's
sight, he's gonna have a breakdown.

Let's go back to the cabin and just sit
there where he can stare at us.

Can.

We go to a movie?

What movie you wanna see?

Cleopatra on the Nile.

Cleopatra on the Nile?

That's not a fit picture for kids your age.

What's wrong with it?

What's wrong with it?

I'll tell you what's wrong with it.

It's about Cleopatra.

Did you know her?

No, but I read about her.

She's that Egyptian dame that floated
around on a barge in her underwear.

If you kids wanna see a picture,
you pick out something better than that.

Hey, how about the palace?

They got a revival of Virginia Woolf.

Now that's more like it.

One of those outdoor pictures.

Probably about a boy and a dog and a wolf.

Thanks, Uncle Charley.

Listen, there's a place in town called the Purple Tiger.

Dancing and all.

Place really swings.

Ooh, I'd love to go.

Me too.

Anywhere.

Well, I've heard about that Purple Tiger.

It's a roadhouse.

If my mom and dad found out I went there,
I'd be on bread and water for a month.

Who's gonna find out?

My folks.

Robbie'll tell them.

Not if he doesn't know.

He knows everything.

It's like it's supernatural with him.

If my mother kept that close a watch on
me, I'd run away and join the Navy.

Then it's a real challenge to fool them.

Right.

So tonight we wait until they're asleep,
and then we sneak out.

What about a car?

Yeah, how are we gonna get there?

Yeah.

All right.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

All right, you guys.

Grab a chair and get ready to dig in.

I cooked up a swell feed for you.

How was the wolf picture?

We didn't go.

Why not?

They wouldn't let us in.

Oh, theater filled up, huh?

What did you do all afternoon?

Well, uh, George's uncle owns a bakery.

So we went there.

Stood around and smelled the fresh bread, huh?

Well, that's a good cheap way to k*ll an afternoon.

Probably worked up a big appetite, huh?

I gotcha.

Favorite stuff for dinner.

Chili size with double hamburgers and cheese.

And guess what's in the pitcher?

Chocolate malt.

I went to the store special for the ice cream and stuff.

Made it in the blender.

I tell you, there's nothing finer.

Okay, you guys dig in.

I don't care for any.

What?

Well, you're gonna yell at us for sure.

Sure.

George's uncle gave us some donuts.

Donuts?

How many?

Well, a dozen.

A dozen?

What did you do with them?

We ate them.

You ate them?

You're sorry, Uncle Charley?

Ah, forget it.

I was a kid once myself a couple of hundred years ago.

What are hungry kids supposed to do with their own food?

I ate a dozen donuts.

Come on, relax.

I'll eat it myself.

Mine too.

What's the matter this time?

I hear them.

They're speaking out.

We'll be back, Miss Boyle.

Wake up.

Right.

You'll never know we spent the evening at the Purple Tiger.

Wait till the other kids hear about this.

We'll be the swinging group.

Come on.

Quiet, Chip.

Did you hear that?

They must have the car keys.

It's all right.

They won't get anywhere.

Then what's to stop them?

I removed part of the distributor.

I really messed it up.

Who said so, Rob?

Oh, they did.

I needed a de-icer on that ride home.

Were you really that rough on them?

I guess so.

I just got carried away by my sense of power.

I'm afraid it'll be a long time before we
resume our brother relationship.

And I think I really ruined everything
with him for Shirley.

Chip, Rob tells me he leaned a little hard
on you and you resented.

Yeah, at the time.

At the time?

The guys and the girls were all sore at first.

At first?

Yeah.

We had to make a show for each other.

Nobody could admit we were scared of going
to the Purple Tiger.

The Purple Tiger?

Yeah.

A roadhouse Gordy heard about.

We were gonna be big wheels barging in there.

Gosh, they wouldn't have admitted a bunch of kids.

We'd have been too scared.

We'd have been too scared to go inside anyway.

Thanks for getting tough.

Well, Rob, it looks like your instincts were pretty good.

Rob cared enough to watch out for us.

He really watched.

You gotta respect a guy like that.

Of course.

Shirley will probably never speak to me again.

But, that's the brakes.

I'll get it.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, hello, Shirley.

Oh, I met the other Mr. Douglas, too.

Oh, hi.

My mother said I should come by and thank
Mr. and Mrs. Douglas.

Oh, well, tell your mother, okay.

It was a pleasure.

Part of the time.

Well, I wanted to thank you anyway.

For myself.

Good night.

Good night, Shirley.

Call me?

Sure.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

How about that?

Yeah, how about that?

You just never know.

Hey, you guys, I'll tell you something.

If you ever want to get a good chaperone,
get Uncle Charley.

He'll let you get away with m*rder.

Okay, you can cut out the soft soap.

Call Katie and everybody grab a glass.

We got to drink a gallon and a half of
leftover malted milk.

Hey, Katie, tell us what's up.

My Three Sons is twice as nice when you see it twice.

So stay tuned for more middle-class suburban hijinks on
another episode of My Three Sons, next, only in TV Land.