Come on, shake a leg, you guys.
We were supposed to be on the highway two hours ago.
Hooray, Uncle Charley.
I'm going in to get my transistor.
Well, get mine, too.
To my luck, you don't need any transistors.
There's a radio on the cab of the truck.
Well, sure.
Well, you always turn on the wrong stations.
Wrong stations.
Here you are, Charley.
Now, this one keeps the mosquitoes away, and
this one relieves the itching if that one doesn't work.
And wait a minute.
You're not going camping up in Yosemite to
watch television.
Well, Gordon has let me use it, Dad.
He says the light keeps the bears away.
Don't snore, you dad, with dumb talk like that, Junior.
It's bad enough that I'm stuck with two transistors.
Come on, get in there.
See you guys in a couple of weeks.
Well, happy w*r games.
Okay, Uncle Charlie.
Oh, Steve, I've been thinking, you know, tomorrow
night, Turkey Wilson is fighting, and they're showing it.
And besides, besides, there might be
something to this, keeping the bears away.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
I just want to protect the boys.
Oh, I understand, Charlie.
Yeah.
I'll get the door, Charlie.
So long, you guys.
Have fun.
Okay, bye, Rob.
Come on, fellas.
Be careful.
Take it easy now.
Come on.
So long, Charlie.
Bye.
Come on.
Yeah, but not because of them.
It's because I'm leaving.
Oh.
Well, it's nice to know she's going to
miss you that much, huh?
It's not so much that, Dad.
She keeps hinting that she wants to go along.
Go along?
Yeah.
Rob, you ought to understand that that's impossible.
I mean, well, you just don't take your wife to w*r games.
Yeah, I know that, Dad.
You know what she did?
She did.
She packed three of her pictures in my
suitcase so I wouldn't forget her.
Three?
I hardly had any room for my socks.
Dad, you don't think I should take her along, do you?
I mean, she could stay in a motel.
Rob, you're only going to be gone for two weeks, right?
We are.
Now, you say you're going to be on maneuvers.
When would she have a chance to see you?
Yeah.
Getting late.
I better drive you to the train depot.
Okay.
Rob.
I'll write you every day.
Me too.
I already wrote you a letter.
You did?
It's in your suitcase.
No, Dad.
I feel very noble letting Rob go to his
army reserve without making a big scene.
Good girl.
Not many wives would let a handsome
husband like I have go away like that.
Where's Camp Roberts?
Oh, it's up north near a town called Paso Robles.
Well, after all, it's only for two weeks.
I sure hope he doesn't run into any wild women.
Oh, that wouldn't make any difference.
Rob would never look at anyone else.
And what you said before was right.
A wife should never strangle her husband,
especially when he's doing man's work.
Well, I'm glad I didn't go up there with him.
If there's anything a man doesn't need, it's a silly
wife when he's busy doing more important things.
Now, Katie, I didn't say anything about strangling him.
I just said...
Hello?
Oh, yes, yes, I'll accept the call.
Hi, Rob.
Hey, how'd you get to a phone?
I thought you were on maneuvers.
Well, the lieutenant says that even during
a real w*r, guys get leave once in a while.
Say, Dad, could I talk to Katie?
Yes, she just happens to be standing right here.
Rob?
We were just talking about you.
Yes!
Oh, yes!
Wait a minute, Kate.
Where are you going?
To pack.
To pack?
Rob, what's going on?
I just asked her to come up.
I think I'll get some time off before this is
over, and, uh, well, I'll be able to see her.
Yeah, but you're out in the field.
You don't want your family wandering around.
Rob, I don't know how she did it, but she's already packed.
Thank you.
This is nice.
They call it the day room.
Aren't you allowed to use it at night?
We got a report back, Rob.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
Stan, this is my wife, Katie.
Katie, this is Stan Burroughs.
He's one of the men in my squad.
All he does is talk about you.
I just found out we're aggressors.
Aggressors?
They put the battalion from San Francisco
against the battalions from Los Angeles.
That really spices things up a little.
Except I'm from Kansas City.
We gotta go, Rob.
Yeah, okay.
Katie, honey, I won't be able to get in touch
with you until the w*r games are actually over.
They probably wouldn't let me use a phone,
even if I could find one.
I know.
I'll be fine.
I'll go for long walks.
I'll be fine.
Rob?
One more thing.
What is it, honey?
Couldn't you get transferred to the friendly forces?
I think you better kiss me.
And I don't have to tell you that this is
an important maneuver.
Just remember, anything that moves and is
not wearing Aggressor Force's ID is the
enemy and will be taken to a collecting point.
Bear in mind, the entire area is off limits to civilians.
What?
She says she's your wife.
What's she doing out here?
That's a good question.
Come along.
Oh, God, okay.
What?
All I did was go for a walk and some
soldiers brought me here.
She's my wife.
You forgot to say sir.
What?
Oh, sir.
You know that all phases of warfare are
forbidden to non-immigrants.
There are an operation at this moment, including espionage.
I'm not a spy.
I'm just his wife, and I went for a walk, and...
I'm afraid I'm going to have to put a full security
check on you before I can release you, Mrs.
Douglas.
Private Douglas, weren't you told of the
seriousness of these operations?
Yes, sir.
But you're ready for your dinner, hmm?
Yes,
this is Stephen Douglas.
Major who?
Oh, yeah.
No, I don't have a daughter-in-law who's a
prisoner of w*r, Major.
What?
She was.
She did?
I know you don't usually call the father
of a soldier on maneuvers.
I appreciate it, Major.
Yes, and thanks for releasing her.
I know it puts Robbie, I mean Private
Douglas, in a bad position.
Yeah, but they're really very sensible kids.
They're very sensible kids, Major, and, well,
I'm sure a thing like this couldn't happen again.
Fine.
And thanks again for calling.
Goodbye, sir.
Well, it looks like Rob was in kind of a
jam there for a while.
Well, here's a letter from Charlie and the boys.
Dear Steve, well, Yosemite is great.
Only now we're on our way to see some more of California.
Remember that little lady?
Where you and me went fishing the first
time we came out here?
Me and the boys are going over there.
And it's right near where Robbie's playing army.
So we thought we'd look him up.
The boys are sending postcards, so I'll close now.
Charlie.
P.S.
TV does keep the bears away.
We didn't see one.
So we thought we'd look him up.
tr*mp, how would you like to take a ride
and prevent what might be a disaster?
Okay, we'll talk it over while we're having dinner, huh?
Not a bad campsite, considering I had to
find it in the middle of the night.
Yeah, this one's lots better than the other one.
I can get about 30 stations here.
Don't talk so loud, Ernie.
You're drowning out Tony P's and the Leaning Towers.
Come on, you guys.
You guys, get them plugs out of your ears.
Come on, get them out now.
There's a lake around here someplace your
dad and I fished at one time.
Ernie, you go find that lake over there.
Well, suppose I get lost.
I flunked compass reading in the Boy Scouts once.
I wasn't very good at finding moths on the
north side of trees, either.
Look, you're two healthy American kids,
not a couple of dummies.
Now, go find that lake, and you figure out
a way not to get lost.
Mark the trees.
Mark the trees or something.
Okay, Uncle Charley.
The batteries in my transistor are getting low anyway.
I'll look over here, Ernie, and you go that way.
Hmm.
You city kids.
You don't know what to do with fresh air.
Ed Mendelsohn hits a line drive to center.
Ray Evans is going back, back.
He makes a leaping one-hand.
He makes a one-handed catch for the third out.
Douglas, the pair wants to see you.
Where?
At the collecting point.
Here I am, Douglas.
Yes, sir.
We've got another one.
Another what, sir?
Hey, me.
Hey.
A little house.
It's one of those things they have for wars and junk.
Pow!
Pow!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you know me?
Oh, gee.
Is he loaded?
Get back here, Douglas.
How come?
How do I know?
Because something tells me it isn't to pin a medal on you.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
Hi.
Sir.
Hi.
And it's a ground ball to Littman.
He throws to Freund for the fourth time.
Littman takes off the time to back to me.
Now he's ready.
What's the matter?
Don't you guys like baseball?
You're all prisoners, sir.
Prisoner?
Prisoner of what?
We're not supposed to talk, sir.
Come along with us.
Okay.
But you guys are horsing around with trouble.
I'm a close personal friend of a guy who
plays golf with General Eisenhower.
Please march, sir.
March where?
That way.
Guess who wants to see?
They must have got my Uncle Charley this time.
Man, didn't you leave anybody at home.
Just my Dad.
Well, I'm glad you didn't bring the whole family.
That's not quite so, sir.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, hello.
I'm Steve Douglas, and I came up here
just to prevent... Are you Rob Douglas' dad?
Yes, I am.
So you see, there's been some mistake.
Poor Rob.
He could have sold tickets.
March, sir.
March?
I don't think you understand.
I do understand, sir.
And please talk to your dog.
Uh, stop that, will you, tr*mp?
tr*mp, come back here!
tr*mp, come back here!
Please march, sir.
March?
Where?
That way.
All right.
In my day, they had a real army.
When they threw a guy in the brig, it was a real brig.
Not a bunch of ropes.
Uncle Charley, will you please cut it out?
This is just a simulated stockade.
Simulated, my foot.
It's nothing but a bunch of cheap ropes.
You guys got no class.
Hey, Uncle Charley.
We caused Robbie enough trouble already.
Hey, Uncle Charley.
Weren't you in the merchantry?
You stay out of this, Ernie.
I hope you got some news, Alice, because you and the whole
army are right on the edge of being sued for false arrest.
The Major's gonna look into it, Douglas.
The Major?
The Major.
Well, I've heard the whole incredible
story, and I still find it hard to believe.
I think it's a series of accidents, Lieutenant.
I mean, first the wife, then the brother,
then his second brother, and finally this
gentleman who says he's going to sue the army.
I put a full security check on every one of them, sir.
It just sort of happened.
Well, let's see that it doesn't happen.
It doesn't happen again.
Private?
Yes, sir.
You will see to it that your family thoroughly
understands what is permitted and what is not permitted.
Yes, sir.
Do I understand that that animal is another Douglas?
Yes, sir.
He's our dog, but, uh, well, I don't know how he got here.
We didn't bring him, sir.
Entirely too much time is being taken up
by these proceedings.
Private Burroughs reporting the capture of
another prisoner, sir.
They told me to report here.
Thank you, Private.
Bring him in.
Your name is Douglas, of course.
Yes, sir.
Steve!
Oh, here you are.
Hi, Rob.
Sir, my name is Stephen Douglas, and, uh... Can you explain
your presence on a military reservation during maneuvers?
Well, yes, sir.
You see, I came up here to warn my, uh, sons and their
uncle not to get mixed up in your maneuvers, and, uh...
Well, I guess I got here a little late.
Yes.
Tell me, Mr. Douglas, are there any more
Douglases at home or en route here?
No, sir.
I, uh... I think we're all here now.
Thank you.
Now, with your permission, we'll go on with our w*r.
Lieutenant, get the dog out of here, sir.
Even Dad got captured?
What was he doing up there?
He came up to tell us not to get captured.
Well, I gotta return that camper.
If I don't get it back by 6 O'clock,
they charge another day's rent.
Why?
Did you see Robert?
Before he left, Katie?
No, I left him a message.
He'll be glad to have us all out of there.
Didn't Dad come home with you?
No.
He and tr*mp came in the other car.
They ought to be here any minute.
Dad should have been home first.
His car's faster.
I sure hope he's all right.
Well, you don't have to worry about Dad.
He can take care of himself.
Will you do something about your dog, please?
Be quiet, little tr*mp.
Now, will you tell us your story again, Mr. Douglas?
From the moment the aggressor forces released him.
After we were released by the aggressor forces...
tr*mp, now stop that.
We went back to the camper, which was left under guard.
Pardon me.
And my sons and their uncle took off.
Now, as I said before, when I
was getting back into my car, your
men, the friendly forces, came
up with their bayonets and...
tr*mp, if you... If you don't stop
that, you're going to get court-martialed.
Well, Captain, I suppose you might call
our family the neutral forces,
and we were attacked by both other forces.
I guess the whole thing really started when
my son Robbie joined the Army Reserve.
Now...
Tomorrow night, TV Land invites you to
experience Bilko in Vertivision.
With Vertivision, you get 10 hours of the
Phil Silver Show, back-to-back, all night long.
Tomorrow night, starting at 8 O'clock
Eastern, 5 Pacific, only in TV Land.
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