09x01 - The Great Pregnancy

[bunniefuu]

Sure, but she's a girl.

Hey, darn that.

You don't let a girl take the heavy end of a trunk.

Switch places with her.

Put it down there, Katie.

They don't want the bell.

Hey, am I the only one that can hear the
doorbell around here?

Oh, sorry, we didn't hear the bell.

We're doing a little spring cleaning.

Oh, that's all right.

I have a special delivery for Mrs. Katie Douglas.

You want to take it for her?

Yes, I'll take it.

Okay.

Thank you.

Katie!

Special delivery for you.

Thank you.

Hey, Charley, I don't think I'm going to have
enough paint for all the window sills in the kitchen.

Then just paint the ones that show.

Okay.

What's in the letter, Katie?

It's only one line.

Is everything all right?

Love, Mother.

Haven't you been writing her?

Well, probably not as much as I should.

You know what that is, don't you?

That's woman's intuition they're always hollering about.

She's probably got some kind of a weird
idea and thinks she's got mental telepathy.

Yeah.

Well, why don't you call her, Kate?

In St. Louis?

Sure.

Charley's probably right.

Right.

Her intuition tells her something's wrong out
here, so you might as well put her mind at ease.

Okay.

I'll call tonight.

Right now, I better help Chip get that
trunk up in the attic.

Tell that husband of yours I want all those
throw rugs from upstairs out on the line today.

Not next week.

Hey, honey?

Huh?

Look at this.

Huh.

What does it mean?

Some reason Mom's worried about me.

Dad said I can call her tonight.

Good.

She probably just saw me.

She probably just saw a movie about a girl
with a rotten husband or something.

Hey, honey, will you lift the corner of
this bed here so I can get this rug out?

Sure.

Did you mail that last letter I wrote her?

Yeah.

It couldn't be that.

She just got to thinking about all the
things that can happen, that's all.

Hey, Katie, you gonna help me with that trunk?

Yeah, just as soon as Rob gets his rug out of here.

A little bit higher.

I got it jammed halfway up the ladder.

I gotta have help.

Okay, I'll be there in a minute.

Okay.

I'll tell you one thing.

When we finally get our own place,
we're not gonna have any spring cleaning.

Oh, yes, we are.

It's supposed to be old-fashioned,
but I think it's a good thing.

Okay, we'll have spring cleaning.

Ern, turn that off.

Not the radio.

Turn the water off.

You're getting all wet.

Gosh.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.

I thought they were your old work clothes.

Well, they are my old work clothes,
Ern, but I'd rather wear gloves.

Why, if you don't mind.

After you finish the windows, Uncle Charley
would like you to take out all the old shelf paper, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Dad?

Mm-hmm?

Did you ever hear of ESP?

Extrasensory perception?

Sure.

Why?

Well, I heard a guy on television say that
sometimes parents have it with their children.

Maybe that's how come Katie's mother wrote
the letter to him.

Oh.

Well, there's only one thing wrong with your theory, Ern.

What?

Well, there's nothing wrong with Katie.

Katie, you want to help me with that trunk?

Oh, yeah.

Taking a little nap?

No, just resting my eyes a little bit.

Yeah, better get going.

Come on, shake a leg, you guys.

I want everything finished by tomorrow afternoon.

You using enough ammonia on that brush, Katie?

Plenty.

Well, Katie, your mother doesn't answer.

I'll write her a letter tonight before I go to bed.

But come on, fellas, let's air out the
rest of these cushions, huh?

Okay.

Be sure and rub deep into them cracks,
Katie, so the ants don't get in later on.

Anything I hate is ants horsing around in the corner.

Katie?

Katie?

Katie?

Hey, you guys, come here.

Katie?

Honey?

Honey?

What happened, Rob?

What's going on, Rob?

Katie?

Katie?

Let's put her up on the couch, huh?

We'll get the cushions.

Come on, Ernie.

Yeah.

What are you walking around with Katie in your arms for?

We got work to do.

But she paid it, Charley.

Didn't she, Rob?

Well, I don't know, Dad.

She was just curled up behind the couch in a ball suit.

Come on with the cushions, fellas.

Dad, I think we better get the doctor.

What doctor?

She passed out from the ammonia.

Katie?

Honey.

Hey.

Katie.

Hey, she's open her eyes.

Yeah, I'm Katie.

It's okay.

Come on, lift her head up.

You all right?

I think so.

What happened?

How do you feel?

Fine, I guess.

What happened, Kate?

I was scrubbing the woodwork, and,
well, that ammonia's sort of strong.

If I had a nickel for every time I got
busy from ammonia, I could buy Fort Knox.

Right, Katie?

Right.

I'll tell you what.

No more work for Katie tonight.

Except maybe if she wants to iron a couple
of shirts or something.

Well, if she feels like it.

Come on, Ernie.

Back to work.

You all right now, Katie?

I think so.

Yeah, yeah.

Take this along.

Just relax, honey, okay?

In the evening, let me know.

Okay.

You okay?

Fine.

Same show all night long, so stay tuned.

What's the matter, Dad?

tr*mp's bone rolled under here before
dinner, and I promised him I'd get it out, but I.

...

Let me help lift the couch.

Well, only when it's kind of heavy.

Ernie, help Katie lift the couch, will you?

Sure, Dad.

My science teacher told us about trajectory.

You know, bulletin stuff.

The same thing goes for dog bones.

Over the chair and under the couch.

Well, now, Ernie, would you help Katie lift the couch?

I can see it.

Well, hello there, Ernie.

Hi, Mrs. Miller.

Hey, Katie, your mother's here.

Mama!

Hey.

Mama!

Oh, darling, I'm so glad to see you.

What are you doing here?

Well, Lorraine, this is a surprise.

Hello there, Steve.

I knew it.

Knew what?

Where's Robbie?

Why didn't he call me?

Well, Robbie's studying over at a friend's house.

Why didn't he call you about what?

The baby!

Oh!

The baby?

The baby?

What baby?

Hey, you guys!

We're gonna have a baby!

The guppy's having another batch.

No!

Katie's mother's out there.

She took one look at Katie and figured it out.

Lorraine, I hope you'll forgive me,
but I still don't understand how you can

wake up in the middle of the night in St.
Louis and know all about Katie.

I don't either, Steve, but it happened.

And now that I see her, I know I was right.

What's so different about me?

I don't know, honey.

Sort of a glow.

I guess.

Have you been sick or anything, Kathleen?

Come to think of it, I pass out a lot.

Have you been passing out a lot?

Well, yes, I have, but I...

Mama?

I think you're right.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Miller.

Hello, Robbie.

What a surprise.

What are you doing here?

Honey?

Yeah?

We're gonna have a baby.

What?

I think he just said it.

Dad, uh, do you want to talk about the situation?

Sure, come on in.

Well, Dad, the way I see it, uh, Katie's mother saw a
movie or something and came out here on a hunch.

On the other hand, Mrs. Miller is no dummy.

But anyway, she walks in, she sees Katie
and says what a glow she has, and,

uh, well, all of a sudden we're talking
about me being a father.

Is that about the size of it?

Yeah, that's, uh, about the size of it.

Does it make any sense to you?

Uh, not too much, no.

Then, uh, you don't think it's so?

No, I didn't say that.

I said it didn't make too much sense.

Rob, you know your mother found out she
was going to have the first one of you

boys from a man who was selling vegetables.

A man who was selling vegetables?

Yeah, they used to come around in trucks in those days.

He was selling her a sack of turnips, and he told her
she was going to have a baby, and it was going to be a boy.

How could he know that?

He said by the look in her eyes,
the light of happiness in the pupils.

Anyway, you know he was right.

She had a baby, and it was a boy.

Best personal regards, Mr. Worth.

Will that be all, Mr. Douglas?

Yes, that'll be all, Janet.

Thank you.

Where is she?

O'Keefe?

She's at the university clinic.

Oh, they're wonderful.

Very fast.

You should have words soon.

What do you want, a boy or a girl?

Well, now, Janet, first we have to find
out if she's going to have a boy or a girl.

She's not going to have a baby at all.

Oh, she is.

She is.

Now, uh, why do you say that?

I don't know.

I just sort of have a feeling about it.

Not very scientific, is it?

No, it certainly is not.

Well, that's what makes us women such a mystery.

Mr. Douglas' office.

Your son, Mr. Douglas.

Rob?

Dad.

The test just came back.

Positive, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How did you know?

Well, uh, a dream in St. Louis can't be overlooked.

And, uh, Katie does have a glow.

And, uh, well, finally, Rob, my secretary,
Janet, uh, had a feeling about it.

Yeah.

Hey, you sound as though you just lost a bet, Rob.

You're going to become a father, for sure.

Hey, yeah.

Hey, yeah.

Yahoo!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello.

Sit.

Nothing.

Yeah.

Hello.

I thought I'd come out and see what was going on.

Ralph and Terry are supposed to observe you.

Observe me?

Yeah.

Oh, we're studying the propagation of the
species in science.

Come on, hold it.

What kind of talk is that?

Oh, scientific talk, Uncle Charley.

Oh, we've been studying about how sharks and
pollywogs get kids, and snakes and chickens and junk.

It's very interesting.

Oh, we're up to mammals now, and you're a mammal.

Oh, I see.

Well, what can I do to help?

Well, Ralph is supposed to watch your
progress and write a paper and read it to class.

So far, you're not doing anything to write about.

It's only been a few days.

I'll tell you what.

I'll make notes on my progress, and Ralph can rewrite them.

How's that?

He's supposed to observe.

Yeah, well, he ain't going to observe.

We'll give out bulletins, and that's as far as we can go.

Now, come on, you guys.

Get lost.

Come on.

Get lost.

Come on, you guys.

Come on.

See you there.

Ah, the kids nowadays.

The healthiest way, Uncle Charley.

It's scientific and not morbid curiosity.

Uh, knitting the little duffer a hat?

Well, it sort of got away from me.

It was supposed to be a Booty.

Well, there's nothing to it.

We'll stick it in the washing machine and
shrink it down to size.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing walking around carrying things?

Those dishes don't weigh a half a pound, and if she
don't walk around, how's she gonna get anywhere?

Oh, Uncle Charley, let him pan for me.

I love it.

Won't let her carry a dish.

And less than an hour ago, she was
unloading groceries from a car.

How many groceries, and what was in them?

Potatoes, two sacks of flour, and ten pounds of sugar.

Uncle Charley, you've got to be out of
your skull to let her carry... Ha, ha, ha.

All right.

Just the same.

You watch it.

Uncle Charley, from now on, only a handful
of potatoes, one sack of flour,

and a sack and a set of sugar.

Better?

Yeah, I guess.

Same show all night long, so stay tuned.

Well, hello.

Hello, Steve.

How are you?

You remember Katie's grandmother, don't you?

Yes, of course.

How are you, Mrs. Collins?

Come in, won't you?

Well, the boys and Uncle Charley have gone to an early
show, and Katie and Robbie are at the library studying.

They should be home any minute.

What's the man doing on the floor?

Well, I was...

I was reading.

Here, I had my shoes off, and I lost my shoes.

Boys and Uncle Charley are at the show,
and Katie and Robbie are at the library.

He already said that.

Well, that's right.

Well, please come in.

Can I fix you some tea or something?

Oh, why don't I put the kettle on, and
you and Mother have a little... Oh, fine.

Now, sit down, won't you?

Well, Mrs. Collins, it's certainly nice to see you again.

Well, you know what's happened, don't you, young man?

She's going to have a baby.

Yes, so I understand.

Your son is the father.

Well, true, true.

Let me tell you something about your son.

He's the finest young man I ever met.

And there's something else I want to tell you.

Everybody pampers the girl.

Well, somebody better look after that boy.

I'm saying this.

I'm saying that Robbie is trying to go to school,
and soon he's going to have to add fatherhood to that.

But somebody better look after that boy.

Somebody better watch after Robbie.

That's your job.

I understand you're his father.

Yes, yes, I am.

I have been for some time.

I simply mean that you must watch him and
see that all this responsibility doesn't break him.

But mind you, never let him know you're watching.

Mrs. Collins, you're a nice woman.

I haven't so much time left that I can afford to put you
in a position where I can put pussyfoot about, that's all.

That's all I have to say.

The hot water will be ready in just a moment.

Who needs hot water?

I said what I came to say.

Come along, Laurie.

Mama, sure, you can wait for just a cup of tea.

No, there's a program I want to see in half an hour, and if

there are no jam-ups on the
freeway, I'll just about make it.

Remember what I said, my boy?

I will, Mrs. Collins.

Good night, Stephen.

Thank you.

Good night, Lorraine.

Now, there's a man.

Wouldn't hurt you to take a good long look
at him one of these days.

Oh, good night, Stephen.

Good night, Lorraine.

Well, hi, Lorraine.

Hi, Ernie.

Well, tell me, how was the picture?

What a neat picture.

The guy ripped the other guy.

Well, he got better, and they turned out
to be real good friends.

Ernie, you missed the whole point of the picture.

There were psychological undertones to everything they did.

The first guy had an Oedipus complex,
and the girl represented his mother.

I must have been in another theater.

Come on, you guys.

It's bedtime.

Get to bed.

Come on.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Douglas.

You know, I ought to have my head examined
taking those kids to a picture on a weeknight.

Worst picture I ever saw.

What's eating you?

Oh.

Charlie, I just had a visit from a very wise lady.

Right over.

Oh, hi, kid.

Hi.

Hi.

Dad, Katie and I just figured something out.

Oh?

Semester break is coming up pretty soon,
so Katie's gonna quit school right after finals.

Maybe I can get my degree next year when
the baby's on his feet.

Swell.

What the heck is that?

That's the tea kettle, Charlie.

Katie's mother and grandmother Collins
came over and, uh, well, we were going to

have tea, but somehow we never got around to it.

Okay, I'll turn it off on the way to bed.

Hey, there wasn't anybody in that picture named Oedipus.

Good night.

Good night, Charlie.

What did Grandma have to say?

Well, something I hadn't thought of till now, Kate.

Don't ever sell your grandmother short.

I don't.

She lets you know about it if you do.

Rob, uh, how is all this affecting you?

All what?

Well, uh, the baby coming, school, the Army Reserve.

Oh, no problem, Dad.

I may have to drop a few units next term
to, uh, to bring in a little extra money.

You're taking care of yourself.

I mean, you're working out at the gym and
eating the right things.

Sure.

I'm only asking because there's a sort of
subconscious pressure that goes with

fatherhood and, uh, well, I just wanted
you to be aware of it, that's all.

Thank you.

You know, Rob, when your mother was going
to have her first baby, I thought I'd

never experience such a feeling of warmth again.

Well, I was wrong.

It's here.

But I'm not going to analyze it.

I'm just going to enjoy it.

I'm just going to enjoy it.

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