09x02 - Dr. Osborne, M.D.

[bunniefuu]

Yeah.

Yes, I'm sure he's a very fine doctor, Hal.

Oh, just a minute.

What's the name again?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yes, I have it written down.

Thanks, uh, thanks for calling.

Here you are, Kate.

Another one?

Yeah.

This fellow at the plant says his wife's
sister thinks this man is just the greatest.

Dr. Samuel Morton.

Well, put it on the list of the others.

You guys are gonna ignore the doctor I told you about.

No, Charley, Katie put his name on the list.

Yes.

Sure, she put it on the list, and that's
gonna be the end of it.

I tell you, Steve, this guy took 27 stitches in
my scalp and only charged me three bucks.

Charley, Katie needs an obstetrician, not a seamstress.

But this doctor, he could do anything.

He was a Navy doctor.

Why, one day there was a brawl down in San
Pedro, and this balsam, he got his stomach trampled on.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

We're Todd and Luann Springer, Mr. Douglas.

We met you when we were backing out the driveway one day.

Oh, yes, I remember.

Come on in.

Luann!

You're back.

That's a baby.

Oh, Dad, look.

Well, he's a beautiful baby.

It's a girl.

Oh.

Everybody does that, Mr. Douglas.

I'll be glad when she's old enough to put a skirt on.

It's just that people aren't used to
seeing bald-headed girls, Mr. Douglas.

Yeah, I guess that's it.

Well, let's not just stand here.

Come on in.

This is the boy's uncle, Charlie O'Casey.

How are you?

Todd, Luann Springer, and that's little Cheryl.

Hi.

I'll throw on some... Oh, and would
you please heat this bottle, Mr. O'Casey?

Sure.

I'll stand it next to the toaster.

Now, Mr. O'Charley, I'll take care of it.

Katie, I'll tell you the reason we dropped by.

We want you to go to our doctor.

He's the best, Katie.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Rob.

Hi, Rob.

Hey, come here.

Take a look.

Oh.

Hi there.

That's a good-looking boy.

It's a girl.

Well, people just aren't used to seeing bald-headed girls.

That's a good-looking girl.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Miller.

Robbie, dear, I'm sorry to be calling so
early, but it's rather important.

Is Kathleen awake?

Well, sure.

Hang on a second.

Katie, it's your mother.

Is anything wrong?

No, no.

I just wanted her to know she has a
doctor's appointment this morning.

Oh.

A doctor, uh, for what?

Honey!

Have you forgotten you're going to have a baby?

A baby doctor?

Who is it?

Anything wrong?

Your mother already... Well, here, you talk to her.

Mama?

Well, we already...

Well, Rob and I have already decided.

Now, it won't do any harm to go see him.

Okay, Mama.

Yeah, fine.

Bye.

I don't think I've heard of him, Kate.

Who is Dr. Osborne?

Oh, he's been a family doctor for ages.

Oh.

He not only delivered me, he delivered my mother.

Dad, what are we going to do?

Well, go to see him, of course.

After all, you do have an appointment.

Well, sure, but Katie's grandmother set it up.

You know, I don't want to sound like a little kid, but...

Well, this is our baby, and we'd like to
make our own decisions about it.

But, Rob, you're telling the wrong person.

I know.

Hey, Kate, do you want to call your mother, or shall I?

You don't want to call anybody, do you?

Well, it's just...

Robbie's really a very nice doctor.

Dad, she's got to have the best.

Now, this Dr. Osborne is a general practitioner.

Well, Rob, some of the best doctors in the
world are general practitioners, you know.

Well, sure, but can you imagine when this
one graduated from med school?

They were probably still using leeches.

Rob, go to see him and talk to him.

If you don't like what you see, leave.

After all, you don't have a contract with
him, you just have an appointment.

Goodbye.

Is that okay with you?

We go.

If we don't like what we see, we leave?

Right.

Is that it?

Oh, yes.

He's always lived here.

In his living room, at his office.

Well, I don't like what I see, so we're leaving.

Honey, come on.

You got a ten O'clock this morning, Dr. Roy?

Yeah, the Miller girl.

Is she here already?

Coming up the walk.

Put your g*n in.

Thank you.

Doctor will be with you in a minute.

He's shaving.

I don't believe this.

Dr. Osborne doesn't believe in fancy offices.

He doesn't believe in any office at all.

I'll be right with you, folks.

Well, Kathleen Miller.

When I brought you into the world,
I did some of my better work.

You're quite right.

You're quite pretty.

Thank you, Dr. Roy.

And I'm Katie Douglas now.

This is my husband, Rob.

Fine, fine.

Kick some of those magazines off the couch and sit down.

I'll be right with you.

Thank you.

Katie, I feel like we're in some kind of a western on TV,
and we've come here to have the old doc take a b*llet out.

He's a fine man, honey.

A little gruff and direct, but he knows what's going on.

Well, just the same, honey.

Well, Kathleen, you're looking fine.

Say, if you get a chance, would you tell your
grandmother to take that green medicine I gave her?

She's getting downright stubborn about it.

I will, Dr. Roy.

Fine.

Now, come over here and sit down.

Let's have a look at those eyes.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Uh-huh.

You're okay.

You're fine.

Come back and see me in two weeks.

That's it?

That's the examination?

I already have the reports from the university clinic.

She's fine.

Fine.

Anyone can see that.

Why are you perspiring?

Well, it's a little warm in here.

No, it's not.

Come over here and sit down.

Here, let him out of this place.

Come on, sit down.

Open your mouth.

Stick out your tongue.

Say, ah.

Ah.

Uh-huh.

He looked at Katie for about a minute and
a half and said she was fine.

Yeah, Katie told me.

But just what did he say about you?

He says I've got an irritated chest.

Not an infection of the bronchi, but an irritated chest.

And he doesn't believe in viruses either.

Oh?

Boy, I've got to get Katie into the hands
of a good doctor right away.

Rob, what does Katie say?

She's beginning to like him.

She's been brainwashed for the family.

I heard that, and I haven't been brainwashed at all.

Well, Dr. Roy says you've got to drink this
whole pitcher of orange juice and take this medicine.

Honey, I can't drink all that orange juice.

Yes, you can.

That'll be better in case the job comes through this week.

Uh, what job is this?

Well, we feel we should contribute more to
the family finances.

Now, the baby's coming.

Rob has applied for a night job.

Doing what?

Wrapping hamburgers at a drive-in.

Wrapping hamburgers at a drive-in, huh?

Mm-hmm.

You know, where people order them, and by
the time they get to the window, they're wrapped.

Rob wraps them.

You know, I'm beginning to like that doctor.

He knows how to take care of people.

Come on, get his chest ready.

What's that?

Oh, a good old-fashioned mustard plaster.

Come on, open up his pajamas there, because if
this thing splashes, I'm the one that has to clean them.

Hey, wait a minute.

I don't want that thing on my chest.

Mustard plasters went out with double-Decker streetcars.

Hey!

Oh!

Nothing like mustard to bring out the poisons.

How do you feel?

Like a steamed hot dog.

We'll see how.

Good you're looking.

Oh.

Well, you've got to admit, Dr. Osborne's
treatment had you up in no time.

Uh, about the same as if he'd given me an antibiotic.

Which he probably doesn't believe in, either.

Oh, honey, I've got to get ready for my baby class.

She said not to miss tonight's session, if we can help it.

I've got it.

Hello?

Who's calling?

Uh, yeah, yeah, she's here.

Just a minute.

Rob, something called, uh, basket on a stick or something.

Oh, that may be my job.

Hello?

Yes.

Tonight?

Well, I don't know, I...

Oh.

You're right.

Right.

I'll... I'll be right there.

So long.

Where's the drive-in?

They said they're stuck tonight and they
want me over there right away.

I'll get your coat.

What, uh, what about your baby class, sir?

Well, I guess I'm gonna have to miss it.

Dad, uh, would you go over there and sit in for me?

Me?

Yeah.

She told us last week that we're supposed to make the class,
and if we don't, we have to get somebody to sit in for us.

Oh.

Well, uh, how about Chip?

Well, Chip would be okay, I guess,
but he's got a basketball game.

And Ernie's too young, and Uncle Charley
would probably try to take over.

Have you got something special to do?

Well, I should get out these bills, but... Now, don't
force Dad to do something he doesn't want to do.

Oh, it isn't that I wouldn't want to do it.

Oh, well, thanks, Dad.

It's at 7.30 at the high school room of 712.

See you.

I'll try to call later on if I get a chance.

Goodbye.

Bye.



And nutrition, all of which your own
doctor is better qualified to deal with

than I am because it becomes individual with each mother.

Now, the reason I put so much stress on
tonight is that we'll be doing what we

like to call a lab project, and it's
important that each one of you participate.

Now, Mr. Dawson, would you stand up, please?

And Mr. Price, and Mr. Douglas.

Is Mr. Douglas here?

Well, he wasn't able to be here tonight,
and I thought I'd take notes for him.

I'm his father.

Oh, fine.

Won't you step up here, Mr. Douglas?

Now, our lab project for tonight encompasses several steps.

Where are you going, Mr. Douglas?

Well, uh, well, you see, I'm, uh,
I'm just the grandfather, and, uh...

Oh, your son tells me that you all live in the same house.

Is that true?

Yes, that's right.

Well, I'm sure there may come an occasion
when it will help you to know these three steps.

Well, you see, I've been through all this, uh...

Well, although I know you've had babies
around your house in the past,

perhaps there is a new method or two that
you could explain to your son.

Thank you.

Now, you know, of course, that we don't
stack babies up like this.

One for you, Mr. Price.

And for you, Mr. Dawson.

And one for you, Mr. Douglas.

Lower the baby slowly, supporting the head at all times.

Fine.

Now, just before baby touches the water,
make that last check I was talking about earlier.

That's very good, Mr. Dawson.

Oh, no, Mr. Dawson here.

Let me show you.

Douglas, drowning the baby is frowned upon.

Of course, we know that speed is not
essential to changing the baby.

But it does help when the room is not at
the proper temperature.

But it is my feeling that speed enhances proficiency.

So, now we come to the time test.

Ready, gentlemen?

Fast, but correct.

Go.

Time.

Well, good, Mr. Price.

A little loose, but acceptable, Mr. Dawson.

Well.

Well, coming along, Mr. Douglas.

Yeah, I'm afraid I'm more used to the triangle approach.

But no one has used the triangle diaphragm for years now.

Well, I haven't had any children for
years, but I think the other method is faster.

Oh, well, Mr. Douglas, these younger
fathers have never seen the triangle diaphragm.

Could you show us?

Oh, sure.

And see if we can time it against this modern method.

Maybe I'll get that then.

Well, of course, you fold it differently.

Now, watch this, gentlemen.

Make a triangle.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh...

You're all right.

You ready?

Just a minute.

Just a minute.

All right.

Time.

Time.

Well, that was faster, wasn't it?

Yes, it certainly was.

It does the same work, and there's not so
much cloth to chase the baby's legs.

And you only have to use one pen.

Congratulations.

Well, of course, millions of people did it for many years.

Well, will that be all, Miss Corcoran?

You know, Mr. Douglas, I was just thinking.

I might take this up with the head of my department.

Could you show us again?

Oh, sure, I'd be glad to.

Would you give me another diaper there, please?

Thank you.

Now, instead of the square fold, you
just make a triangle out of it, like that.

And then another triangle.

And you put her under the baby like that.

Of course, you take that diaper off first.

Was that you, Rob?

Yeah.

Hi, Dad.

Well, how'd the job go?

It was okay.

I spilled a few things, but I was getting
the hang of it by the time I left.

Good.

How was the class?

Well, outside of almost drowning a doll,
I did pretty well, I guess.

Oh, you worked with dolls?

Oh, yeah.

You learn how to hold a doll, how to bathe
a doll, how to change a doll.

I'll go over it all with you.

Of course, it's going to be a little different with a baby.

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, Kate.

Hi, honey.

Hey, look, I finally made one that fits a
baby instead of a giant.

Oh, how was your job?

It was fine.

Is everything all right?

Checkmate.

I see the unspoken questions on your faces, gentlemen.

No, I was not called here.

I came to have a look at Kathleen.

For no reason?

Very good reason.

She's my patient.

I'm Roy Osborne.

I thought maybe you were.

I presume you're the father of all this.

Well, I think I'll hit this sack.

I'll get you next trip, Doc.

The boys are up in bed, and Roy here says
that Ernie needs a build-up.

Oh, it's nothing serious.

Just that growing boys need good food.

Vegetables and fruit work fine, but I
can recommend pills if you would rather.

Well, we'll watch the diet, Doctor.

Doctor, you just came by for no reason?

Well, I don't usually have the time, but
when I do, I drop in on my new mothers.

Saves them a trip to the office and gives me
a chance to get away from that empty house.

Uh, is there anything wrong?

Well, you see, frankly, Doctor,
we haven't actually made up our mind.

Rob and I, we wanted to talk to some other doctors first.

Why, of course.

Now, you mustn't feel embarrassed.

There's no problem.

Most young people prefer specialists these days.

But there's nothing wrong with a family
doctor looking in in the meantime.

Well, of course not.

And we're grateful that you dropped by.

Aren't we, Rob?

Of course we are.

As a matter of fact, I know a marvelous young obstetrician.

He's not much older than the two of you.

And I can recommend him heartily.

Philip McAllister.

Dr. Philip McAllister.

He's very busy, but supposing I call him for you?

I've heard of him.

He's supposed to be the very best.

We'll see him first thing in the morning.

Won't we, Kate?

Dr. Osborne, I think you'd better tell Rob
where Dr. McAllister studied.

Oh, yes.

Johns Hopkins.

And then?

Postgraduate.

Work at Stanford.

And then?

Well, he put in two years with me to kind
of get broken in with people.

Doctor, just how many babies would you say
you've delivered?

Hundreds.

Maybe thousands.

You still take the time to drop in on all your patients?

Like each one was a personal friend?

Each case involves three friends.

The mother, the baby, and the father.

Three friends who have put themselves in my
hands for the most important moment of their lives.

You must feel a terrible responsibility.

Only when there's trouble, then I fight like a demon.

But in most cases, like with
Katie here... God does all the work.

I'm just a tool.

Hi, Robbie.

Hi, Sarah.

Listen, where's Katie?

Well, she's at the library studying.

Finals are coming up.

Well, the minute I found out, I had to come tell
her because you and she... Well, I mean, Bob and I...

I'm going to have a baby.

You been to a doctor?

Not yet.

I got just the guy for you.

Name's Osborne.

Now, he goes right after the trouble.

He don't horse around.

Mr. Osborne.

Delivered nine million babies.

I'm telling you, Sarah, if you and Bob
don't go to him, I'll never speak to you again.

His name is Osborne.

Dr. Roy Osborne.

Yeah.

Now, you go right down and see him,
and he'll have you fixed up in no time.

Oh, no trouble at all.

Goodbye.

What could be as nice as an hour with my three sons?

How about an hour with three daughters?

Sure.

Stay tuned for Bobby Joe, Betty Joe,
Billy Joe, and every one of the Shady Rest.

Hotel on Petticoat Junction as TV Land's
Twice as Nice Morning continues.