09x10 - First Night Out

[bunniefuu]

Boy, I didn't think Friday was a holiday or something.

Look at that calendar.

It's pretty colorful, all right.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's all them circles doing around the 27th?

I put the blue in there.

That's the night we play Lincoln High.

And the red one is to remind Rob of my
high school class reunion.

Well, I guess it's going to be a big night for everybody.

I put the green one there.

I'm going to be installed as emperor of
the high seat at my lodge.

Gee, that's great, Uncle Charley.

Hey, ain't you going to congratulate me?

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Charley.

It's just that I was counting on everyone
being home Friday night.

It's our first night away from the babies.

Hey, there's only three.

There's only three circles there, and there's three of us.

So that can only leave one person with
nothing to do on Friday night.

Oh, Dad.

Yeah, Steve can stay with the babies Friday night.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be in San
Francisco Friday night.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to have to
be there all weekend.

It's an important meeting, and otherwise I'd postpone it.

I wouldn't think of your postponing it, Dad.

Well, to be honest with you, I don't really care
if I'm made emperor of the high seat anyway.

But you said that was going to be one of
the highlights of your life, Uncle Charley.

Thank you, Uncle Charley.

But really, it's... Now, listen, you two.

If I want to stay home with little Charley, I'll stay home.

I don't have to show up for the basketball game.

But you said the coach said if you missed
a game, you'd be put on second string.

Thank you.

You're all wonderful, and I love you for it.

It's just a silly reunion anyway.

Rob and I should stay home.

Yeah.

After all, they're our babies.

Why?

Now what?

You sure know how to hurt a guy.

What do you mean, Ernie?

Well, all this back-and-forth stuff about
who's gonna stay home.

So?

I didn't put her circle on the calendar.

I didn't put her circle on the calendar.

I've got no place to go.

What's the matter with me?

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard of.

A little kid like Ernie taking care of the triplets.

He is awfully good with them, Rob.

You said yourself you were glad when he was around to help.

Oh.

Okay.

We won't go.

Kate, would you consider going to the reunion without me?

Of course not.

No, it's simple.

I'll just get a headache or something and we'll stay home.

Yeah, this is the first time that you and Katie have had
a chance to go out together since the boys were born.

But, after all, it is just a reunion.

Well, is this a private conference or can anybody butt in?

Come on in, Dad.

We're just trying to figure out what to do
about Friday night.

Oh.

Well, you know, I've been giving that little thought
and, uh... Well, why don't you just hire a babysitter?

Where are you gonna find a babysitter
that's taken care of triplets before?

Yeah, we... We couldn't very well hire a teenager.

Yeah.

Well, why don't you get a practical nurse?

You know, not too old, not too young.

Hmm.

Hey, that's a great idea.

I bet Dr. Osborne would recommend somebody.

Yeah.

I'll give him a ring, huh?

Yeah, but there's still one little problem.

What's that?

Ernie.

Oh.

Hi.

What's everybody looking at me for?

Ernie, uh, we've been talking about Friday night.

Oh, yeah, that's why I came in here.

I was giving it considering thought.

Considerable.

I gave it considerable.

And I thought maybe Gordon could come over
and stay with me Friday night.

Ernie, I don't think Gordon's quite old
enough to... He's a month older than I am.

And he's had plenty of experience with
Frances having her babies.

Frances is a dog.

And there's a big difference between dogs
and babies, in case you never noticed.

Ernie, uh, as long as you think it might
be a good idea if you had a little help on

Friday night, uh, don't you think it'd be better if
you had somebody a little older than Gordon?

I mean, somebody with more experience?

Well, they'd have to understand that I'm in charge.

And they'd only be there in case one of
the babies falls on his head or something.

Oh, sure, sure.

We'll, uh, we'll make that very clear.

Well, that's a big relief off my mind.

Well, they are my nephews.

And I sure wouldn't want to see them get
clobbered or anything.

Boy, I never thought being an uncle could
be such a hang-up.

Dr. Osborne?

Oh, hi, Dad.

I thought you'd be on your way by now.

Well, my, uh, plane's a little late, Kate.

Has the nurse arrived yet?

No, but it's still early.

Don't worry.

Oh, I'm not.

Well, the yelling something over the
loudspeaker, I can't understand.

It might be my plane coming in, so I'd better go.

Now, don't worry.

The nurse will get there.

No, I won't.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Kate.

That was Dad.

He said not to worry.

That seems to be the magic word around here.

Hello?

You did?

Oh, that's wonderful.

I can't thank you enough, Dr. Roy.



Oh, they're fine.

Thanks again.

Bye.

Well?

Well, it's all set.

She's an RN, and Dr. Roy said he picked her out himself.

That'll be something to see.

You ever seen his housekeeper?

He picked her out, too.

A real hatchet head.

I'm sure she'll be fine.

Eh, well, I'm not so sure.

She'll probably be so ugly, she'll scare
the kids half to death.

And you know, Katie, that little Charley is a
mite more sensitive than little Steve or little Robbie.

I know, Uncle Charley.

Little Charley is special, in his own way.

Yeah, well, all I gotta say is, this dame better know kids.

Oh, Katie, I thought we had that all settled.

Now, you can't lock yourself up in this
house forever taking care of those kids.

We've got our own lives.

I know that.

Honey, you gotta walk through that door sometime.

You're right, as usual.

I must admit, I'm kind of excited.

We haven't been out in ages.

All right.

Excuse us, kids.

Your mom and dad are going to take the night off.

You don't have to stay, you know.

I'm here to take care of the babies if anything goes wrong.

Well, Katie just wants to make sure that
the nurse knows where everything is.

Just in case you get busy doing something else.

I sure hope she isn't late.

Maybe it would be the best thing that ever
happens if she don't show up.

Hey, man.

Hey, Uncle Charley.

Some outfit.

Naturally.

You think an emperor with a high-seat
dress is just like everybody else?

It's beautiful, Uncle Charley.

But aren't you late?

Yeah, but I'm not leaving this house until
I get a look at that battle axe.

Now, I'm sure she's a lovely woman and very capable.

I'll get it.

Hi.

I hope I didn't keep you waiting.

Hello, I'm Mrs. Douglas, my husband,
Mr. O'Casey, and Ernie.

Hi.

Well, I'm here now.

You can all get lost.

Would you mind telling us your name,
in case we decide to call you?

Genevieve.

Genevieve Goodbuddy.

Well, now that you're here, we'll be
leaving Mrs. Goodbuddy.

Miss Goodbuddy.

Where's the icebox?

You won't have time to snack.

With three kids to take care of.

I gotta keep my goat's milk cold.

I got delicate blood.

The kitchen's in there, Miss Goodbuddy.

Oh, thank you.

Goat's milk.

You know what we're doing, don't you?

We're leaving three little guys with a kook.

I'll be here.

Don't make it worse.

Look, I'm sure she'll be fine.

Oh, you guys still around?

Oh, well, turn on the TV, sweetie.

I got a program I want to watch at 7.30.

Well, go on.

Get going.

You too, chum.

You don't want to be late for your masquerade party.

Come on.

sh**t, sh**t, sh**t.

Honey, turn on the TV like the nice lady said, hmm?

Come on.

Good night.

Good night.

Come on.

Well, finally got the little ones quieted down.

Boy, that Charley sure takes after his namesake.

He's got a big mouth.

Hey, what'd I miss, Ernie?

Oh, you know that guy that wandered into town all alone?

Yeah.

Well, he wasn't really alone.

He had henchmen friends waiting for him at the saloon.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew the minute I saw him, he was up to no good.

Boy, I can spot a loss every time.

He can?

How?

You see that guy right there?

You see that slick down hair?

Take it from me, Ernie.

A gent with slick down shiny hair is strictly a no-go.

Good, Nick.

Well, it's the commercial.

Oh, would you mind handing me my knitting bag, please?

Where'd I put that thing?

Oh, there it is.

Dr. Roy told me I'd be helping out a young
man, so I brought you something.

Gee, thanks.

I hope you like homemade candy.

I made it myself.

Watch the fillings now.

Looks great.

Now, when I was your age, kid came along with candy.

He was my pal.

Whoops.

Now, don't try to finish that whole box
before the family gets home.

Seems kind of strange to be away from the
boys, doesn't it, Roy?

Katie, you're supposed to be enjoying yourself.

Oh, I am.

It's just that I...

Hi, Katie.

Roy!

Hey, Simmons!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Roy, meet the boy who's responsible for my
getting through algebra.

How do you do?

How do you do, Roy?

I hear you have a nursery full at home.

Three beautiful sons.

But to be perfectly honest, I don't know
whether I'll be able to stick it out all evening or not.

You sound like my wife.

I take a pocket full of change when we go
out, just for calling the sitter.

Okay, I'll go check.

But I keep telling you everything's fine.

Fine.

Excuse me.

Hi, Ernie, this is Rob.

How are things going?

Okay.

Uh, do I hear the babies crying?

What else can babies do?

Now, wait a minute.

Are the babies really crying?

I don't know.

I'm gonna go check.

Ernie, where's Miss Goodbody?

Upstairs someplace.

I'm watching TV.

Hey, I gotta go now.

They're about to string somebody up.

Bye.

Now, John, inside the... Are you ready to order, sir?

We'll order in a few minutes.

You were saying, Steve?

Oh, uh, well, inside the nacelles are
three counterbalanced babies.

Babies?

I'm sorry, John.

I'm a little concerned about things at the house.

Katie and Robbie are going out tonight,
and Chips has a basketball game,

and Charley has a lodge meeting, and, uh... Well, it's
the first time we've hired a babysitter for the triplets.

How well I know that feeling.

I'm sure Dr. Oswald got somebody all right, but, uh...
But he hadn't called when I left this afternoon, and, uh...

Well, waiter.

Mr. Douglas would like to use a telephone.

Yes, sir.

Well, thanks.

Thanks, I, uh... I've been wanting
to do that ever since I got here.

Come on, now, you sweet thing.

Shh.

Kennedy's here.

Oh, come on, cut it out.

I got a reputation.

Hello?

Hello.

Is this the babysitter?

Yeah.

Well, I'm Mr. Douglas.

Oh, yeah, Ernie said you called.

I...

Oh, no, I'm Mr. Douglas' father.

I mean, I'm the grandfather.

Well, uh, look, Mr. Douglas, unless you have
something important to say, could you call back?

Uh, why, is something wrong?

What?

I said, is something wrong?

Probably.

Probably.

Hello?

Sweetie, why don't you tiptoe upstairs and see
if number one and number three are asleep yet?

I'll watch television so you won't miss anything.

Okay.

Hello?

Who is this?

Who is this?

Who is this?

Look, never mind.

Just call back, will you?

I can call back later.

It's halftime, and the coach wasn't too happy
about me coming out here in the first place.

Well, say something rotten to the referee
and get thrown out of the game.

Then call back.

You better get in there.

I'll be in in a minute.

But they start swearing in the new officer
soon, and you ought to be there.

Yeah, well, I got something to do first.

Well, what could be more important right now?

Well, you being a bachelor, Henry, you wouldn't understand.

Charley, you're a bachelor.

I told you, you wouldn't understand.

That thing rings once more.

Pow!

I'll get it.

No, no, no, no, no.

You watch the show and see what happens.

I'll give you two to one on the sheriff.

Hello?

I'm gonna wake up the others.

Hello?

What took you so long?

Now, what was that racket?

Mister, whoever you are, will you call back?

I can't talk now.

I got problems.

Nobody's gonna wake us up again, Charlie.

See, I told you, Ernie.

You see that meathead?

Who, him?

No, no, no, no, not him.

That meathead, that one, over there.

He's gonna steal the sheriff's girl.

Do you think he'll beat the sheriff up?

Yeah, they don't make movie sheriffs like they used to.

The line is still busy.

Well, Rob, it's been almost an hour.

Oh, that Ernie.

He never knows when to hang up.

Oh, you know Ernie hardly ever uses the
phone this time of night.

It's 10 O'clock.

But, Charlie, at a time like this,
you just can't walk out on us.

Why don't you...

So, if we can clear it with Fred's office, I think that...

All right, Appler.

Thank you.

I don't understand how the line can be busy
that long, unless the babysitter's a teenager.

Operator, this is Mr. Douglas.

Would you try that, please?

Los Angeles number again, please.

And when those low-down thieves get to the
top of the mountain where the treasure is

buried, zowie, avalanche, the whole
mountain comes down on them.

Gosh.

So, you see, Ernie, it doesn't pay to be
greedy, at least not in an avalanche.

Hey, you sure do know some groovy stories, Genevieve.

Well, that's because when I'm working, I get a
chance to see the late, late, late, late, late, late movies.

How's that?

You okay now?

Okay.

Good.

Yeah, I sure hope you do come back again to help me out.

Oh, it's been a pleasure, sir.

Get some shed eye.

Genevieve, you won't tell the others that
you told me a story, and I...

Well, tuck me in.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, old Charley was a little restless.

That's babies for you.

Did he get along okay?

Sure.

Look at him.

Did you have a nice time?

Well, we would have if Katie... It was wonderful.

I was sort of guest of honor.

Came home a little early, didn't you?

Oh, was it early?

I hadn't noticed.

Brand-new parents.

They'll do it every time.

Thank you.

It was a pleasure.

What's going on in here?

Everything's fine.

Well, if everything is fine, what are you
doing home so early?

We just decided to come home.

That's all.

Oh.

And who you been talking to all night?

I suppose you called New York or Alaska.

I never touched the dial.

All I kept getting was busy signals.

Sure you did.

I didn't want the kids disturbed.

I kept the downstairs phone off the hook.

I made some sandwiches, and there's some
hot coffee in the kitchen.

Go help yourself.

That was awfully nice of you, Miss Goodbody.

My friends call me Jenny.

You know something, Jenny?

All my friends call me Uncle Charley.

And I'll say this for her, too.

She makes a great sandwich.

Yeah, with my ingredients.

It's a relief to know we can call her
whenever we have to go out.

Well, it's time to go to bed.

I'll be right there, honey.

Okay.

Rob, there's someone in the front room.

What?

I tell you, there's someone in there,
and he's coming this way.

Hi.

What are you guys doing up?

I tell you, a woman in the house can wreck a man's nerve.

Shh.

I tell you, there's somebody in there.

Oh, here we go again.

Everybody is here except Ernie, and he's asleep.

Shh.

I think she's right.

There's somebody in there.

Sorry.

Dad.

What's everybody doing up?

I mean, what's happened?

Where are the babies?

Are they all right?

They're just fine.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ow.

I'm sorry.

Ow.

What are you doing home so early?

Well, I called up, and somebody said
something was wrong, and I heard the

babies crying, so I got out of the meeting
and got on a plane and came down here,

but looks like I came home for nothing, huh?

Have a sandwich, Steve, and join the we hurried home.

Home club.

Dad, when can we tell you what happened?