09x11 - Casanova O'Casey

[bunniefuu]

I didn't know you had a date with Sally
tonight, Uncle Charley.

Who makes dates with Sally?

I just show up.

Well, she's always ready to go out with me.

I make her laugh.

You do look dashing, Uncle Charley.

Naturally.

There's an apple strudel cooling on the kitchen windowsill.

I made it for Steve, and I don't want to
find one dent in it when I get home, or I'll.

...

You read me?

Sure.

Good night, Uncle Charley.

Good night.

Have fun.

You bet I will.

Did I hear Uncle Charley say not to do
something about something?

Yeah.

He said not to do what you're doing.

Oh.

Well, it's too late now.

Cup of coffee, Joe, and tell Sally I'm here.

Did you ever see such a day?

I forget.

Do you take cream?

What about Sally?

Sally?

Just don't stand there.

Tell her to hurry.

Hurry up.

You know she likes to park near the snack
bar at the drive-in movie.

Uh, Sally ain't here.

Sally ain't here?

She's got to be.

I brought her flowers.

Oh, gee, that's too bad.

You know how Sally loves flowers.

You know what she used to say?

You take the flowers out of the garden,
and all you got left is dirt.

You make it sound like she got hit with a
truck or something.

Is Sally okay?

Sally's fine, Charlie.

Well, then cut out the double talk and
tell me where she is.

Uh, Sally's in Vegas.

In Vegas?

Uh, yeah, yeah, in Vegas.

Look, Charlie, let me tell you what happened.

A guy come in here last Wednesday night, and he says to
Sally, give me a boiled bagel on a bun and water on the rocks.

Well, you know that Sally.

She throws a laugh at him.

And then he tosses a look at her that
would boil a steak, and as he's biting on

the hot dog, he says, Ha, ha, ha, let's face it, honey.

It's love at first bite.

Ha, ha, ha.

She was still hollow when they drove off
to... You be careful how you talk about Sally.

She ain't that kind of a girl.

When they drove off to get married.

Well, that's better.

Married?

Sally is married?

That's right, Charlie, yeah.

Sally is married?

Hi, Uncle Charley.

Uncle Charley, you're home so early.

What's that?

Oh, flowers.

Oh, they're for you, Katie, for saying how dashing I look.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, they're beautiful.

I'll put them in a vase right now.

What movie did you see that fast, Uncle Charley?

Leave.

Him alone, Ernie.

He doesn't want to talk about it.

How did Sally like it?

I said leave him alone.

What's the...

fool that's over there?

Baby's hacked about the apple strudel
before he knows it's gone.

He didn't even say goodnight.

He's just tired.

And don't worry, Ernie.

I'll fix it with him about the strudel in the morning.

I guess Rob's working late.

Why don't you boys go up to bed?

I'll be up in a minute.

Come on, Katie.

Goodnight, Katie.

Goodnight.

Dear Dad, better look in on Uncle Charley.

Something's wrong.

Katie.

Charley?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, it's kind of late, and I saw a light under your door.

Is something wrong?

Sally got married.

Well, she did.

I feel lower than the minus tide.

How could Sally do it, and without even saying goodbye?

Well, maybe she thought it would be easier
for both of you that way.

Thought?

She didn't even take time to think.

Didn't even take time to get out of her uniform.

But why?

We never had any words.

Just a lot of fun.

Well, Charlie, maybe Sally wanted more than just fun.

Like what?

Well, the fact that she got married should
tell you something.

Yeah.

It tells me that I'm over the hill.

I'm even older than the jokes I used to pull on it.

Well, I mean that Sally wanted marriage.

And you didn't offer it to her.

Or did you?

You know I couldn't think of getting married, Steve.

When I dropped anchor in this house,
it was for the duration.

I got to help keep Chip and Ernie on
course for a while yet.

And now we got the little fellas to steer straight.

But I sure will miss Sally.

It ain't gonna be easy for me to find another girl.

Well, not at my age.

Not an old crop duster like me.

Well, Charley, why don't you try to get some sleep, huh?

Things will look brighter in the morning.

Sure, I can tell myself now that things
look brighter in the morning.

But what am I gonna tell myself in the morning?

Good night, Steve.

Good night, Charley.

You must be sick or something.

You didn't yell at me at all just now.

You didn't even talk to us.

Hey, why don't you go in there and do
something that always makes him mad?

And then if he doesn't yell, I'm always sick.

Honey, I'm gonna call Sally and find out what happened.

Skip it.

Sally got married.

Ran off with some joker to Vegas.

Life.

Uncle Charley, uh, if it's an elopement,
that happens all the time.

Oh, you know what?

I drove past the diner last night on my way
home from work, and they've got a new waitress.

She's quite a dish from what I could tell.

Look, you don't think I'd stoop so low that
I'd go looking for a replacement, do you?

Now you know me better than that.

What do you have?

Oh, don't burn it.

One order of toast.

Hey, sister, how would you like to join me
in a cup of coffee?

I'll get in first and see if there's room for both of us.

You know, I'll get in first and see if
there's room for both of us.

Coffee?

Yeah.

And don't you ever laugh.

Sure.

When it's funny.

Hey, uh, are you married or anything?

I'm not married.

And nothing.

That'll be 26 cents.





Don't you want your coffee?

Look at them, Uncle Charley.

How can you not take the little darlings to the park?

I ain't looking, and you ain't going to
trap me with that little darling stuff.

But, Uncle Charley, I already made the
appointment to have my hair done.

Your hair looks all right just the way it is.

You know, you women are all alike.

You pay some guy ten bucks to fix your
hair, and then you can't get home fast

enough to put it back the way it was in the first place.

Oh, look.

Even little Charley's asking you to take them.

I ain't gonna look, and I ain't gonna push
that oversized compact all over the park.

No.

Well, Charley, you're so old, they put you out the pasture.

May I have a peek?

Be my guest.

They certainly are cute.

My, they're triplets.

Aren't they adorable?

Oh, look at them.

I think they must be.

Yes, oh, and this one, too.

Isn't this adorable?

Oh, they're just adorable.

Charley.

You must be.

Charley.

Are my young men all ready to go for a
walk with Mama for a change?

Oh, now, Stevie, there.

Caps all twisted.

Oh, yeah, that's better.

Well, we're off to take a look at the world.

Ah.

Ah, they look fine, Katie.

Okay, open the door.

What?

Open up.

I'm taking the boys out for some fresh air.

Oh, no, you don't.

You've had them the last four days,
and today is Mother's Day.

A little fresh air.

Dressed like that.

Oh, well, I did clean up a bit.

How do we know how much babies can see at this age?

Now, you wouldn't want them to be ashamed
of their Uncle Charley, now, would you?

Oh, look, even little Charley is asking
you to let me take the mouth.

The door.

Why don't you have your hair done or something?

Come on, boys, we're going for a special walk.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Rob.

What's the matter?

We did it again.

What?

Who did what again?

Captain Bly, Shanghai.

Rob, why can't I take my own babies for a walk anymore?

Oh, honey.

Now, look, think of our kids as therapy for Uncle Charley.

Okay?

I'll try.

Okay.

You've got a little time to yourself.

Why don't you get your hair done?

I.

Just have to see your baby.

Three!

I'll bet you're proud of yourself.

I'm not the father.

Your grandchildren?

My grandchildren?

Oh, yes, that's right, my grandchildren.

There's nothing more wonderful than a man
who is proud of his grandchildren.

I'm proud of them every day.

Well, perhaps we should... 30
years is after the track fight, baby.

Well, fellas, I'm going to meet some girls.

Thanks.

I'll get it.

It's Patty.

Promised to listen to her book report on
delinquent parents.

Hi, Patty.

It's finished?

Oh, Mr. O'Casey?

Just a second.

Ernie, go get Uncle Charley.

It's for him.

Why, he's not home.

He took a lady named Susan something dancing.

I'm sorry, Mr. O'Casey isn't home.

He took a lady named Susan dancing.

This is Susan?

Just a minute.

I thought it was Susan.

Oh, no, now I remember.

It was a lady named Elsie or something.

He didn't take you dancing, ma'am.

It was Elsie.

Listen, you want me to take a message?

That's funny.

She hung up?

I'm afraid I don't get the humor, Charles.

Look, it wasn't much of a joke.

All I said was that the guy said,
have you taken a bath lately?

And the other guy says no.

Is the one missing?

But how could a bath be missing?

Here we are.

Say, you know, I'm sorry I got testy with
you the other night.

I was just tired.

I guess the jokes weren't very funny.

They weren't, but that was no reason for
me to snap your head off.

You know, sometime when you feel like
sh**ting the breeze, I'm here from ten to six.

I'll be by.

Charles, do you find her attractive?

Kind of cute.

But not as cute as the dish that I'm looking at right now.

Do you, um, know many girls?

Look, honey, I'm a one-woman man, and you're it.

Go.

And when I heard from Katie that the baby
was due, I just knew where I had to be.

Right there helping her.

She needed me.

Well, I needed you, too, last night.

Imagine how I felt when that... young man told me
you were out dancing with somebody named Elsie.

Elsie?

Oh, you must have got the wrong number or something.

I don't know any Elsie.

You take A and glue it to B.

Which part is A?

So, this is where that wonderful man lives.

Who, lady?

The grandfather of those beautiful babies.

Oh, yeah.

He lives here.

He's upstairs.

I'm Ernie.

I suppose he's taking care of those three babies again.

He has so many responsibilities.

He sure has.

When we get in trouble, we go straight to him.

I, um...

I bake this cake for him.

I bake this cake for him.

Just to let him know he's appreciated.

Oh, great.

Come on in.

I'll call him down.

Thank you.

Dad?

Yeah, Ernie?

There's somebody here to see you.

I'll be right down.

He's just coming down.

Boy, that sure looks great.

It's vanilla custard.

His favorite.

Well, uh... Look, Dad.

This lady baked a cake for the baby's grandfather.

Well, I guess it's for you.

Well, yes, I... Yes, it is.

Well, thanks very much.

It's very kind of you.

You're the grandfather?

Well, yes.

Of the triplets, that is.

May I ask... Then who is Charles O'Casey?

Oh, well, he's the boy's uncle.

He lives here, too.

He lives here, too?

The way he tells it, this is his house.

Oh, actually... No, he just... Ernie,
why don't you go and feed your fish?

Well, I don't have any fish.

Well, go and feed something.

This lady and I would like to talk.

Well, won't you come in and sit down?

Miss Cora Dennis.

Among other things, Mr. O'Casey gave me a
false impression of his importance around here.

I'm going next door.

I had some messages for Uncle Charley.

A lady named Elsie wants to know what time
he's going to pick her up tonight.

And a lady named Susan can't go to the
beach with him till next Sunday.

I thought we certainly had a good time, eh?

Charlie?

Yeah?

Why, Cora, this isn't just a surprise.

I have a little surprise for you, too.

Yeah?

I baked a cake for you.

Oh, yeah.

You might as well have it.

Now.

Steve, maybe I ought to get out of here.

I'm just a bundle of gloom.

I'm even making the babies miserable.

Charlie, we need you.

To do what?

Well, to help keep Chip and Ernie on course, remember?

And to work with Rob and Katie and me.

Mm-hmm.

And how about the babies?

They certainly need you.

I've been a pretty low character to Cora, Susan, and Elsie.

Well, I guess you were missing Sally so
much, you just didn't stop to think.

I guess.

But I sure wish that Sally hadn't abandoned ship.

She used to laugh at everything I said.

You know, one time, she asked me if I
wanted my eggs turned over.

I said, yeah, to a museum.

Oh, there'll never be another girl like Sally.

Oh, sure there will, Charlie.

You guarantee it, huh?

Knowing you, Charlie, you can't help but
find yourself another girlfriend.

Yeah, I guarantee it.


including Saturdays, Saturday and Sunday.

I didn't read them on Saturday or Sunday.

That one will be 80 cents.



I only borrowed them.

I didn't want to buy them.

Really, sir, you must lower your voice.

May I see the next one?

Yeah.

This one is Piggy Million.

Piggy Million?

Pig-malion.

You are funny, sir.

Oh, I am?

Say, did you hear about the guy who wrote a
round book because he couldn't think of an ending?

Shh.

Really, sir.

Didn't you hear the one about the
librarian who stamped everything in sight,

and one day she stamped her foot?

Shh.

And then there's the one...

Hi, Katie.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Well, getting ready for the six O'clock feeding, huh?

Right.

Only not for the boys, for the men.

Oh?

Uncle Charley didn't get home, so I got things started.

Tuna casserole.

Good.

Where is Uncle Charley?

The library with Chip.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Chipper.

Hi, Chip.

Hey, where's Uncle Charley?

He won't be home for dinner.

He's still at the library.

Must be taking out a lot of books.

No.

He's taking out the librarian.

Well, you know, I guarantee you that it happened.

But, uh, didn't think it happened at the library.

Well, let's have a look at it.

And.

You.

It was September 12th.

I'm telling you.

It was his and his.

That's all.

And so, we, they decided to move to the
library of the library, artist and television producer.

And, uh, this is this house and,
uh, we just sold it off to the National.

Museum of character, which means that we
will be in in Hollywood next week.

Hopefully you will find this house up for
rent for a hundred jerks.

Good night everybody.

It's private.