09x28 - Teacher's Pet

[bunniefuu]

I'm.

Obliged to fill out this term in this special
class due to the shortage of qualified teachers.

As you know, each of you is here because
of a special aptitude in English.

So I will tolerate...

Yes?

I had to get my...

Transfer.

When you finish picking up your books,
young man, you may introduce yourself to tr*mp.

I'm Ernie.

Is that a loose translation of Ernest?

Yeah, I guess so.

Do you have a last name?

Douglas.

I'm Ernest Douglas.

You may sit there.

The assignment, Ernest, is a short, original
composition taken from the life of Virgil the poet.

Now, you remember, I said original in your own words.

Uh, Virgil who?

Virgil the poet.

You're familiar with him, I'm sure.

Virgil.

Virgil.

At that time, I tell you, I never knew the guy.

I did meet a fella named Sam the
Scratcher, had a flea act in the circus.

Look, any guy by the name of Virgil has
got to make the encyclopedia.

Try that.

Yeah.

Oh.

What's the matter with him?

He's scared of the teacher in a special
class of his, some battle-axe named Miss Hawk.

Pretty rough?

Yeah, gorgeous.

The warden claims she changes cream in the
cottage cheese just staring at him.

She must be pretty good, though, Charley,
to teach a special class of advanced students.

Yeah, good at scaring kids.

Here he is, Uncle Charley.

I found him.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, hi.

Hey, no wonder you didn't know him.

He was born in 70 BC.

Yeah, that was a few years before my time.

Ernie, I understand your new English
teacher's pretty strict.

She doesn't stand for no fooling around, that's for sure.

She doesn't stand for no fooling around?

Right.

You know, saying things like that makes me wonder
sometimes how you got into that special English class.

It's just that I don't talk as literary as I write.

Anyway, we're proud of you.

Need anything at the market, Charley?

I've got to get some tobacco.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Is Clem's finish night for the boys?

Yeah.

Poor little guys.

How they can eat that stuff is beyond me.

Miss Hogg says I have to use my own words.

This stuff in the encyclopedia is too fancy.

Did you say Miss Hogg?

Are you in her class?

Yeah.

She's that bad, huh?

No.

It's just that she taught special English.

When I went to your school.

It'll be fine, honey.

This.

Is terrible.

It's almost midnight.

What are you doing?

Miss Hogg's first assignment is a short composition.

That urge of a poet.

Oh, you poor kid.

You've been up all these hours.

What have you written?

Nothing.

Everything I write is awful.

Maybe I can help.

I guess you know his full name was Publius
Virgilius Morrow.

Yeah.

No wonder he wanted all the guys to call
him Virgil the Poet.

And you know, he wrote several books on agriculture.

Mm-hmm.

Arboriculture.

Oh, bor...

Hey, how do you spell that?

A-R-B-O-R-I-C-U-L...

Frankly, there are only two compositions
that I would consider worth an A.

Unfortunately, quite a few of you earned an average C.

One was a complete failure.

F.

How about that?

Ernest Douglas.

Yes, ma'am?

Aren't you curious as to how it happened?

What?

I guess I must have done something wrong.

You didn't do anything right.

You didn't follow my instructions.

Well, I don't see how I could have done everything wrong.

One, it wasn't brief.

Two, it wasn't original.

Three, you didn't use your own words.

Well, I thought they were my own words.

Let's take a bariculture.

If that's your own word, what does it mean?

Well, uh, it's kind of like an agriculture, except...

Except?

Well...

Well, I'm waiting, Ernest.

I know.

It's just that I can't think of a single except.

Oh,

the battle act shot him down today.

Was it our Virgil the Poet paper?

Yeah.

She said I'd help.

Well, I only helped a little bit.

You did the actual writing.

Yeah, only she acted like I should be arrested.

She always was very demanding.

I wish somebody her own size would take her on.

Then maybe she wouldn't be so tough.

Let me stand here till thee remember it.

Hist, Romeo, hist.

Well, what are the weird sounds coming out of the room?

Oh, the old battle-axe gave them some Shakespeare
to read with a girl named Bunny on Monday.

He's in there rehearsing it now.

Hist, Romeo, hist.

Oh, for a factor's voice.

Poor, I had to go through the same thing myself.

Only it was, uh...

What is this I see before me?

A handle toward my hand.

Let me stand here till thee remember it.

What O'clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?

I will not fail.

Tis twenty year till then.

I forgot why I did call thee back.

Let me stand here till thee remember it.

I shall forget to have thee still stand
there, remembering how I loved thy company.

Oh, for a gentle Faulkner's voice.

To lure this gentle tassel.

I mean a tassel gentle.

Can I start over?

No, Ernest.

Roger.

You read from where Ernest left.

Don't work till later.

I won't.

Oh, hi, Ernest.

Still up doing your homework, huh?

Yep.

What's this, another sign from Miss Hawk?

Not exactly.

I'm doing this on my own.

Say, how are things with Miss Hawk?

Any better?

Well, the terms is almost over.

Miss Hawk is gonna leave.

I'm writing this old Virgil the Poet thing again.

You're doing it again now?

Why?

Because I want her to know that I'm not as
dumb as she thinks.

But, uh, if she's going to leave, Ernie,
you'll probably never see her again.

That's just why I have to do this.

Because she is gonna leave.

Oh.

Well, let's see how you're doing here.

Oh, no!

Please, not until I'm finished.

If you help me, Dad, she'll fracture me.

Uh, Ernie, it's, uh, it's possible that
you've, uh, made a mistake about Miss Hawk.

Well, if I did, so did everybody else.

Boy, Dad, she's... Pretty stern?

Hard to get along with?

You know, Ernie, uh, something just occurred to me.

If you didn't like Miss Hawk a little, uh, you
wouldn't be doing all this extra work just to please her.

Like her?

I've been in her class six weeks, and I
haven't done anything to please her yet.

Well, maybe she's more pleased than you think.

You know, Ernie, it takes a lot of
discipline to run a class properly.

Dad, you just don't know how hard I've tried.

Oh, of course I do.

We all know how hard you've tried, Ernie.

And I'll bet she does, too.

Yeah, I guess.

Don't work too late now, huh?

No.

I'll go to bed as soon as I finish this
last deal about Howie Crow.

Ernie, I hope you're not going to word it quite that way.

Oh, heck no, Dad.

Well, talking and writing are two different things.

Oh, that's right.

You told me that before.

Good night.

You don't think I...

I prefer to take this up after class, in private.

Where did you copy this?

Who actually wrote it?

Good night, Miss Hawk.

Whatever I say, you're not going to believe me.

I see.

No, you don't see.

You don't see at all.

I did write this.

I wrote every single word.

Oh, come now.

I wrote.

That 14 times last night.

I was all alone.

Miss Hawk, I'm just a dumb kid and
everything, but I don't lie, and I don't steal.

Dad said you were a very good teacher.

He said I should feel lucky being in your class.

It's the first time he's ever been wrong.

Come.

On, Ernie.

Just don't lay around here like a dead fish.

Come on, let's go to the show, okay?

You go on to the show.

I don't feel like it.

What's so awful?

The worst thing that can happen to you is you get
transferred back to us dummies where you belong.

Yeah, I know.

I'm gonna go home and get the money.

Then I'm going to the show.

You coming along?

You go.

You'll be sorry.

Still pretty rough, aren't you?

Oh, hi there.

Yeah.

I'm probably gonna get booted out of English Special.

You are?

Why?

Old lady Hawk wouldn't believe that I wrote that theme.

She said I stole it.

I see.

I guess maybe I got sort out of it.

But I just couldn't help it.

What did you do, Ernie?

Well, I just sort of spouted off.

I tore up the theme in front of her and
said some dumb junk.

Disrespectful dumb junk?

Well, I don't think so.

After all, I did write the whole thing.

Well, it looks like your teacher made a bad mistake, Ernie.

I'm sorry.

But I don't suppose there's a human being
who hasn't made a mistake one time or another.

Yeah, I suppose.

And your teacher, Mrs. Hawk, is a human being.

But God, dear, she made me feel like such a creep.

I can understand that, Ernie.

But you know what makes me feel bad?

Yeah?

Well, to see you get so bugged about a
mistake somebody else made.

Yeah, I guess it is kind of silly.

You know, I think it would be a good idea
if you went to the movie with Gordon.

You do?

I do.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, okay.

They've got this real neat picture plane where a guy
goes to Mars in a rocket ship powered by a big rubber band.

Powered by a rubber band?

Yeah.

If a thing like that really works,
I could be out of a job, right?

Hey, yeah.

Go on to the movie.

Have a good time.

Okay.

You know, a thing like that could scar the
kid for the rest of his life.

Actually accusing him.

I can just see poor Ernie standing there.

I'm glad he tore up that paper.

Kids have a tough enough row to hoe in this world without
bad-tempered, soured old maids taking it out on them.

One of the things we're going to remember
when our boys grow up is to ask them

questions about every little thing that happens.

And if they ever run into an ogre like Miss Hawk.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

I'm Miss Hawk.

Miss Hawk?

Miss Hawk?

Rob, I've just been in with the babies.

Now, I don't want to sound partial.

But that little Steve is the dad.

This is Miss Hawk.

Oh.

Well, how do you do, Miss Hawk?

How do you do?

Rob, don't you think you ought to ask Miss Hawk to come in?

Oh, yes.

Please come in.

Sure, Ernie.

See, the transistorized reactor couldn't work
on Mars because they got less gravity up there.

Hey, look.

You got company.

Oh, dear.

Hey, I wonder who drives a creepy-looking car like this.

I don't know.

Miss Hawk does.

Huh?

Sure.

She parked it up against a handball court
one day so the sun couldn't fade her upholstery.

She got real sore when the gym teacher told her to move it.

What am I going to do?

She probably came over to Creamy for
tearing up that paper and calling her a creep.

I didn't call her a crook.

Well, I'll be seeing you, Ernie.

I don't feel like getting expelled right now.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, come back here, Gordon.

Ernie should be home any minute, Miss Hawk.

I'm sure Ernie will be very pleased that
you came by, Miss Hawk.

Excuse me.

Yeah, he's had time to see the picture.

His usual three times.

Steve, may I have some sugar while you're out there?

Now, I know why you're here.

But if I give you my word that you're not
in trouble when you come in...

What does she want?

She'll tell you.

Now, come on.

Now, would I lead you into a mess?

Well, not on purpose.

But it's just that married people and kids
have different ideas what a mess.

You know, some of these Saturday matinees
are so long, the kids come out in the next grade.

I took Ernie once.

We saw two westerns, some
science fiction and a lot of comedy

shorts, and an hour and a half in the mission for popcorn.

Come on in.

What's that clunk?

Ernie, I'm glad you're here.

Miss Hawke came over to see you.

Well, I'm sorry about tearing up the paper.

My eyes got kind of hot, and I just sort
of went and did it.

Please, Ernest, I'm here to apologize to you.

Huh?

Yes.

I should have known, but I didn't.

I put it together and read it again.

It's very, very good.

Yeah, well...

You don't have to say anything, Ernie.

Thanks, Dad.

I think my tongue is getting sort of fat or something.

No excuse, of course, Ernest, but...

Your speech patterns and what you put down
on paper are two different things.

And that's what fooled me.

But I had no right to question you.

I had no right to doubt your honesty.

That's okay, Miss Hawke.

No, it isn't.

So, the only thing I could think of to do is
come over here myself and apologize in person.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm deeply sorry, Ernest.

Ernie, uh, Miss Hawke is putting your
composition in the school paper.

Hey, Nito!

Nito.

It seems only yesterday they were saying,
keen, and he's a chic, and, uh,

it's the cat's pajamas.

And today it's, uh, boss.

And guy, and groovy.

By the way, Ernest, I'm putting your composition in
the paper because it's good, not because of my guilt.

You understand that, don't you, Ernest?

Why, heck yes!

Boy, it's gonna be a blast!

Boy, I just had the grooviest... Uh, Chip,
uh, Miss Hawke, this is our middle boy, Chip.

Chip, this is, uh, Miss Hawke, Ernie's English teacher.

Hi.

Man!

I think what Chip really means,
Miss Hawke, is, uh, light wow.