10x07 - One Week to Go

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

Only.

The family, you say?

Well, the family and a few friends, Reverend.

Not more than a dozen or so.

Wouldn't you say, Barbara?

Oh, if that.

It's a lovely chapel, Reverend.

Yes, it certainly is.

Thank you.

Now, about the music, possibly you have a friend who sings.

In that case, you'll only need an organist.

Well, may we let you know?

Certainly.

I only ask these questions because sometimes people get so
nervous before a wedding, they overlook certain essentials.

Yes, of course.

Well, can you think of anything else, Barbara?

No, no, I don't think so.

Well, thanks very much, Reverend.

You really don't think we need a rehearsal?

No, not really.

The groom comes from there, the bride
comes down the aisle in the traditional fashion.

And it's up right about here.

Well, that doesn't seem too complicated.

And I'll tell you everything as we go along.

Is there anything else?

Well, no, I guess not.

Thanks very much, Reverend.

I'll see you a week from tomorrow.

Yes.

Well, goodbye.

It, uh, it really is a nice chapel, isn't it?

Yes, yes.

Yes, very nice.

Still dusting things that don't need dusting?

Oh, well, it needs dusting.

Fine.

You didn't say very much about the chapel
when you came back.

Oh, it, uh, it was nice.

I have never heard a better description of a chapel.

Oh, well, it had, uh, nice little stained
glass windows and a tiny little altar and

some wooden pews and Reverend Glassell seems very nice.

Thank you, dear.

You've simply entranced me.

Hi, Mommy.

Hi, Dodie.

Dodie, how many times have I told you not
to bring that wagon in from outside?

It wasn't outside.

But that's where it is most of the time.

When you bring it in, you make the floors
and the rugs dirty.

Can I take it to my room as long as I
already wrecked the rugs?

May I?

No.

Now, you take it outside and you leave it
there where it belongs.

Okay.

It sounds to me as if you have the chisels.

Well, it just occurred to me that a tremendous change
is about to take place and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

No doubts about your love for Stephen?

No, of course not.

Oh, well, then I used the right word the first time.

Jitters.

Well, maybe, but I'm a settled woman now.

I mean, I have a certain pattern that I follow.

Steve has a certain pattern he follows.

I don't even know what time he gets up in the morning.

And maybe if I sleep late on weekends,
that'll be the very thing that he detests.

It's a simple question, Charley.

Do I snore?

Sure you snore.

Well, all the time or just some of the time?

How do I know?

Sometimes I go by your room and it sounds
like a sawmill in there.

And at other times?

Other times I don't hear a sound.

Oh.

But you might be awake and reading.

Chip, how many times have I told you about dribbling?

Your basketball upstairs.

Sorry, Dad, I forgot.

Well, you can loosen the plaster on the ceiling downstairs.

You told him that when he was nine years old.

Well, the principle still applies.

Ernie.

Dad says you better quit dribbling now.

Basketballs can loosen the plaster downstairs.

Well, this is a volleyball.

Well, the principle still applies.

Can we go, Dad?

Don't you want to ball us out some more?

I wasn't balling you out, Chip.

I was just asking you not...

Yes, you can go.

You want to hear what I think you ought to do?

Not particularly.

You ought to get your golf clubs and go out
and hit some of them helpless little golf ba*ls.

I think I'll do just that.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

Hi.

What brings you here?

Oh, we just thought we'd get out of the house.

Who's Dad?

Out smacking golf ba*ls.

Uncle Charley, does Dad seem a little different lately?

Yeah, he is getting kind of mean.

I think it's the wedding.

It's just one week to go.

Yeah?

Well, I hate you.

There he goes again.

I think you're scraggly and weird looking.

You guys ain't going to believe this.

Are you paying attention to me?

You're lucky I don't step on you.

How come you look so rotten?

Ernie.

Hi.

You got the rottenest looking leaves I ever saw.

And you smell terrible.

Ernie, have you flipped?

Ten seconds to go.

I ought to get a knife and cut you off at the roots.

Man, weeds look better than you guys.

That's all for now.

It's part of my science project for school.

Yelling at plants?

They're marigolds.

I'm conditioning them to not have any flowers.

Come on over here.

Now, I give this bunch the same water and
they get the same sun, but all they hear is music.

Oh, and you yell at the others.

Yeah.

There's a theory that plants don't exactly
hear, but they react to environmental junk.

Katie, get the net.

No, I've heard this, honey.

It's something about the cells in the
plant reacting rather than the whole plant.

Right.

All I gotta do is figure out... I've got


I, I, um, I came over on a whim.

Is Steve home?

No, he's down at the driving range.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Are you all set for the wedding?

Well, not completely.

I, uh, I haven't decided what to do about
the house, and, uh, if I sell it,

I, uh, I'll have to get my mother an apartment.

There's plenty to think about.

Uh, I'm making a big change like this, I mean.

Yes, I'm just beginning to realize how
little I know about Steve.

I mean, up to now, we've both been on
party manners with each other.

I mean, do you realize that I've never seen him angry?

Well, he very seldom gets angry.

Yes, but I do, and he's never seen that.

Are you afraid that he'll find out that
you're human enough to have a temper?

Well, that and a few other things.

I'm, uh, I'm impatient with dinner.

I'm in discord, I don't like noise,
I'm neat to a fault, I'm very soft-hearted

about some things, and I'm stubborn as a mule
about some others, and he hasn't seen any of those.

Yet.

Doesn't all of that come under the heading of adjustment?

Sure.

Dad'll be the first one to admit he's not perfect.

Even I'm perfect only 98% of the time.

Barbara, I moved into this house once, too.

Take my word for it.

You'll come to love it.

Of course, there's a lot of just plain,
old, ordinary living that goes on here.

Hello, Mrs. Vincent.

Oh, Stephen.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

Barbara isn't here.

Oh, she isn't?

Well... No.

She felt a little restless, felt a little
lonely, and decided to go for a drive.

But do come in.

Well, thanks.

I just came by on a whim.

Oh, come on in anyway.

I'd like a chance to get to know my future
son-in-law a little better.

Dodie's having a nap.

And I'll just put the kettle on for tea.

Oh, no, really, Mrs. Vincent.

Coco?

Tea will be fine.

Sit down, dear.

It won't take a second.

Well, getting nervous about the big event?

Uh, nervous?

No, not really.

I, uh, I'm just waiting.

Yes, the waiting is always the worst part.

Oh, by the way, Stephen, what time do you
get up in the mornings?

Oh, seven, seven-thirty.

It all depends upon what I have to do.

Why do you ask?

Oh, no really good reason.

Uh, how did you like the chapel?

It was, uh, very nice.

Well, there's one more thing that you and
Barbara have in common.

You both describe chapels just exactly the same way.

Excuse me.

Oh, Flora, how nice of you to call, dear.

Oh, no, dear, no, just the family and the little chapel.

Yes, that's right, it's an adjustment.

But they can handle it, they're adults.

Man, Chip, you're wrecking my plans.

Come on, Chip, cut that out.

Can't you see we got company?

What's he talking about?

My music's k*lling the flowers.

Never mind the flowers.

You're k*lling your uncle.

Come on, get that amplified ukulele
upstairs where it belongs.

Thank heavens when you're living here,
you can handle junk like this.

Like I said, Barb, there's a lot of just
plain old ordinary living here.

I think you're scraggly and weird looking.

He means the plants.

Oh.

You're lucky I don't step on you.

Hey, Earn, why don't you go yell at your
plants someplace else?

I can't.

They're set up for light right here.

You got the rottenest looking leaves I ever saw.

They smell terrible.

I, um, I think I, uh, I better go.

Uh, you just tell, uh, just tell Steve that I came
by, but it, uh, it really wasn't for anything important.

Oh.

Well, Dad will be pleased you came by on a whim.

Yeah.

Uh, Barb, uh, just thinking, about a week, you'll not
only be a wife and a mother, but, uh, a grandmother, too.

A grandmother.

The.

Right hand over, just a little more.

Okay.

Now, that looks pretty good.

Okay.

All right, now, let's try the swing again, all right?

All right.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Charlie!

Boy.

Man, you're the dumbest.

Okay, now, take it away slowly.

And you're scraggly and weird looking.

Oh, okay.

Charlie!

Steve, it isn't their fault.

It's just that I can't keep my stupid head down.

Oh, no, golf's a game of concentration, and how
can you concentrate with World w*r III going on?

Charlie!

Let's put the blame where it belongs, on me.

Oh, no, it's not your fault.

Now, just take it away from the ball slowly.

That's right, turn away from it.

Oh, that's too fast.

It's too fast.

Steve, Steve, I am drawing it back as
slowly as I can without starting to tremble.

No, no, it just seems that you are.

Here, let me show you.

All right.

Just turn away from the ball.

Turn away.

Okay.

And break the wrist at the...

Charley!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to yell in the ear.

What's up?

Charley, would you tell the boys and tr*mp
to stop all that racket?

I'm trying to give Barbara a golf lesson.

Why?

Why what?

Why are you giving her a golf lesson?

You two ought to be out necking somewhere.

Charley, would you just ask them to hold it down, please?

Sure.

Golf.

It is golf.

It's like hitting a little ball with a stick.

All right, just ask them to hold it down.

Steve, there's no reason to take it out on Charley.

I'm not taking it out on Charley.

I just want a little peace and quiet
around here, that's all.

Now, let's try it again.

Get your grip.

Uh-huh.

No, no, no.

The right hand has to come over a little
more on top of the club.

That's right.

Okay.

Now try the swing again.

Now you know what you did wrong.

Yes, I drew back too fast, I lifted my foot, I didn't
keep my head down, and I didn't follow through.

That's right.

But, of course, if you know what you did
wrong, that makes it much easier to correct.

You mean I actually did do all those things wrong?

Yes.

Now let's try it again.

No, Steve.

What?

I said no, Steve.

I know you bought me the golf shoes and the golf
clubs, and you've been very good about teaching me.

But I'm not going to stand out here in this front
lawn and make a public spectacle of myself any longer.

Oh, well, if you don't want to do it here,
let's go over to the driving range.

Now, the people over there are even worse than you are.

I don't like golf.

You don't like golf?

It's so picky.

Picky?

Yes, you know what I mean.

Keep your hand in, keep your elbow in,
keep your eye on that little ball no matter what.

And besides that, I have seen golf games on television where
they don't... They draw back the club so slowly at all.

Golf matches, not golf games.

Okay, all right, I'm so sorry.

Golf matches.

I mean, if you're going to get angry
about a little thing like golf... I'm not angry.

Well, if you are going to get angry, then I
don't think we know each other too well, do you?

Well, I think we're certainly entitled to scowl at each
other once in a while without endangering our relationship.

Not if it's a silly little thing like a picky golf game.

You put that in upside down.

I'm very sorry.

I think I better... Before I
say something, I wish I hadn't.

Oh, now, Barbara, wait a minute.

Barbara.

Let's, uh, talk some over comedy.

I mean...

Ernie, do you have to do that?

Well, sure.

It's another form of yelling at them.

Well, what about these?

They can hear you, you know.

Plants can't hear.

They're just sensitive to sound.

Well, whatever it is they do.

You're making enough rack to wreck all the
flowers in the next block.

Hey.

How come Dad's talking to Mrs. Harper out at the car?

Why, they looked hacked at each other.

Yeah, they've been out there for a couple hours.

Come on.

Yelling I can take.

Bongo drums I don't need.

Hey, Uncle Charley, do you know Dad and
Mrs. Harper are having a fight out in the car?

No, and it's none of our business.

They are?

Did you and Mrs. Harper have a nice little talk in the car?

No, we didn't.

And there's not going to be a wedding.

What do you mean there's not going to be a wedding?

Exactly that, Mother.

But what happened?

Oh, I knew you were edgy, honey, but how can you
be madly in love one minute and out of love the next?

If I was edgy, it's because my
subconscious was trying to tell me something.

And don't talk to me about love as if I were 17.

It's over, and I'm really quite relieved.

But... Uncle.

Charley, we came as soon as we could get a sitter.

What's this about Dad and Barb?

He blew the whole wedding.

He did?

Well, they did.

Anyway, he won't talk about it.

What happened?

Well, if you ask me, it was that dumb game of golf.

No good ever comes from hitting illegals.

Little white ball with a stick.

Are you going to take this up to him?

Yeah.

He didn't eat a dime's worth of rat poison.

Do you mind if I take it up, Uncle Charley?

No, help yourself.

You're going to butt in, dear?

Yes, I'm going to butt in.

Good.

Oh, hi, Rob.

Hi, Dad.

Some cocoa and cookies.

Oh, good.

Uncle Charley says, and I quote him exactly,
you didn't eat a dime's worth of rat poison.

I guess I didn't eat too much, Dad.

Well, at least you're not playing,
I'm hurt, so I'm not going to eat.

Oh, I'm not playing anything.

Good.

Dad, I'm going to butt in, okay?

Okay.

Do you remember when Katie and I almost
broke up before our wedding?

Yeah.

All of that worked out, didn't it?

Yeah, I'd say so, Rob.

Uncle Charley says this all got started over good.

It wasn't golf.

No, it, uh, it really wasn't golf.

Well, maybe not, Dad, but I... Rob,
I appreciate what you're trying to do.

But Barbara and I had a talk, and we
covered a lot of ground.

As she says, the, uh, party manners we were
putting on for each other suddenly broke down.

I guess it's just that we're, uh,
well, we're both pretty set in our ways.

Set in your ways, my foot.

That's just a phrase for people who are too lazy or
too selfish to try and change some of those set ways.

Oh, honey.

Change them before it's too late.

We covered all that, Mother.

Steve and I actually had an argument, and I
suddenly remembered what arguments can do to you.

So do I.

They clear the air.

But this particular argument didn't clear the air.

It just served to point out that marriage at a
later age can be a tremendous opportunity.

People.

Have you called off the arrangements at the wedding chapel?

No.

I imagine Steve will do it.

I see.

Come in.

All right.

Hi, Phyllis.

Dad, aren't you going to marry Mrs. Harper?

No, I'm afraid not.

That's too bad.

We were going to try some psychology on you, like
telling you what a creep she is, and then you'd defend her.

And then we'd say, you see, still like her.

Only Uncle Charley said it wouldn't work.

No, I'm afraid it wouldn't have.

It's hard to tell why these things happen.

It wasn't Barbara's fault.

Well, it really wasn't anybody's fault.

It's just that ever since we've known each other,
we've both been putting our best sides forward.

And then...

all of a sudden, our real characters came out.

What's wrong with your real characters?

Well... He means you don't lie or steal or anything.

I know what he means, Chip.

Well, we didn't come in here to try and
talk you into anything.

We just wanted to tell you we were sorry
and junk like that.

Oh, thanks, fellas.

Night.

Good night.

It would have been kind of neat to have a mother.

Charlie, I've made a stupid mistake.

May I see Steve, please?

You bet you can.

He's not here.

Why, Steve, I... I'm sorry to come over so
late, Mrs. Vincent, but I've got to talk to Barbara.

Well, sit down, dear, and I'll get her.

Here.

She's not here?

Well, where is she, Mrs. Vincent?

I don't know.

But something tells me she's at your place.

At my place, but I'm not there.

I mean, why would she...

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Vincent.

Oh, but, Stephen, I suggest you wait until after I call.

So you don't pass each other on the street again.

Mr. O'Casey, Barbara's mother.

Oh, fine.

Yes, I'll just hold him here.

Bye.

She's on her way home.

Good.

I'll, uh...

I'll wait for her outside.

Thanks again, Mrs. Vincent.