10x11 - Rough on Dodie

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

You've.

Got perfect protection.

Jack Snow has his man beat.

Okay, okay, who dropped the nickel in the mayonnaise?

Uncle Charley?

Wiped up all the more.

Look, I don't put food in your wallet.

You'll keep your money out of my mayonnaise.

What you thinking, Myrtle?

Boys are louder than girls.

Here, Dodie, it's your turn.

Ow!

I'm sorry.

It hurts!

Let me take a look.

It's nothing, Dodie.

It's not nothing to me.

Hey, what's going on in here?

Something wrong, Dodie?

I happened to hit her with the football, Uncle Charley.

Oh, well, now, let me see.

Well, there's no blood, no broken skin.

It's sore than anything.

Well, now, don't sweat the little bumps, Dodie, or you
won't be able to take it when you really get smacked.

And look, you guys, be careful with that football.

You break a lamp, and I'll break some bones.

Boy, I hope I never break a lamp.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dodie.

Daddy!

Well, how's my girl?

Terrible.

What do you mean, terrible?

I got my arm mangled by the boys' football.

How many times have I told you fellas not
to play ball in the house?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I guess we got carried away.

Let's go outside and play, Aaron.

That's a good idea.

Well, Dodie, come here.

Let me see that arm.

Which one is it?

Oh, that's the one, huh?

Well, it seems to work all right now.

I'll tell you, Dodie, what you do the next
time they throw the football.

Go to a doctor or something?

No, you throw the football right back at them.

But do it outside, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Well.

Oh, hi.

Meet me home again.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, lovey.

Well, how was your day?

Oh, it was fine.

Except I lost that list of things I wanted
to get for Phoenix.

I found that list on the nightstand.

Oh, that's right where I put it,
so I wouldn't forget where I put it.

I did everything on my lunch hour.

Did you get the handle of the suitcase?

Mm-hmm, and I threw out your faded
swimming trunks, bought you a new pair,

and I had the grip on your putty changed the way you
wanted it, and you confirmed our flight for Saturday noon.

Did you ever get a chance to eat?

No, but I have been bulging in a few of
the wrong places lately, so...

Dodie, do you want something?

Yeah, that's why I've been throwing my throw.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Can we discuss a couple of things?

Yeah, sure.

Go ahead.

In front of him?

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you.

Why don't you two girls go upstairs?

I have a few things I could be doing down here.

Come on, sweetheart.

You really shouldn't keep things from
Daddy and the boys, you know, honey.

Yeah, but it's about them.

Oh, what is it?

Don't get nervous, sir.

I didn't do anything.

But I got smashed on the arm by the
football the boys threw.

Oh, honey.

Well, let me see.

I think it'll still bend.

Look at the redness.

Pretty ripped down there in the living room, you know.

It is?

Yeah.

Sparking and football and Uncle Charley
yelling scary things.

Oh, well.

Sweetheart, that's how men are.

I'm sorry if it bothers you.

No, it doesn't bother me.

It doesn't?

No.

But it sure does bother Myrtle.

Oh, I see.

Well, you know how puppets are.

They just sort of lie around and don't do a lot of junk.

That's right.

I guess Myrtle's scared.

Because she's not used to all the roughness.

Well, maybe Myrtle ought to know that
Mother Nature planned for boys to be

rougher because they have the hardest work to do.

They do?

Well, sure.

So if they're noisy and play hard, it's
just because that's the way they're made.

I don't think Myrtle knew that.

Well, we're very lucky that we live in a
family of men to help us and protect us.

Even if they're rough, right?

Right.

Dinner time.

Uncle Charley said anybody who's late
isn't going to get clobbered.

See what I mean?

That's just his way of saying that Uncle
Charley's anxious to see us.

Come on.

And she's still a little afraid of the male world, Steve.

Well, I'll admit it does get a little
hectic around here at times.

Well, I was just wondering if I should go.

Go where?

The Phoenix.

Oh, I think so.

Well, it's a big adjustment to make, Steve.

And be her first time alone.

And it'll also be your first time away from her.

Except for the honeymoon, and she stayed with your mother.

Oh, I guess that is part of the apprehension.

Well, I'm still wondering if I should go.

What do you think?

I think so.

You said that before.

You asked the same question before.

Do you want me to convince you?

Please.

All right.

Dodie isn't used to the roughness around
here, so in the morning I will talk to

Charley and the boys, and then on Saturday
we go to Phoenix.

Are you sure it's that simple?

Sure, I'm sure.

You know, you're pretty good at solving things.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I wonder if I really should go to Phoenix.

I'm not listening.

I'm flying a blip.

Hey, what does it look like I'm doing?

It looks like you're using all my shaving soap.

Paul, do you want me to walk around with
whiskers all over the place?

Whiskers?

I can get more hair off a half a grape
than you could off your whole face.

Paul, it's an artificial light.

You should see this beard out in the sunshine.

Wallace, could I talk to you for a minute?

Dad, first could you do something about
Ernie and the shaving routine?

Uh, what shaving routine?

One where Ernie uses his beard.

One where Ernie uses all my shaving stuff
like it was growing on trees.

Well, Ernie, I guess it is about time you
got your own shaving equipment.

Hey, great!

It'll be my treat, huh?

Here, I'll put it over there.

Thanks.

Now, fellas, you know Barbara and I are
planning to go to Phoenix.

Dad noticed the old beard even in artificial light.

Ernie, this is important.

Now, it seems that Dodie's having trouble
getting adjusted to life around here.

I was thinking we might come off a little
wild to a little girl.

Well, that's it, Chip.

So while I'm gone, will you both keep an
eye on Dodie and spend some time with her

and hold down on the rough stuff, huh?

Sure, Dad.

Remember, this is a whole new life for
Dodie, and we have to break her in gently.

Better give that same speech to Uncle Charley, Dad.

He's about as gentle as a b*mb.

Well, I've already talked to Charley.

And I have faith that things will run
smoothly around here this weekend.

Don't worry, Dad.

They will.

Well, you can go to Phoenix and freak right out, Dad.

Well, that's very reassuring.

See you, Dad.

Okay.

Oh, well, I'll need to raise her one more
time before I get my own, you know, Chip.

Okay.

I wouldn't want you to get suspended for
going to school with a goatee.

Real hilarious, Chip.

Real hilarious.

Real hilarious.

My teacher says you can't come to school anymore.

You're still worried about Mommy going to Arizona.

I think you ought to try to get that off your mind.

Don't worry.

We'll see you at home.

Wait till I get a hold of that grocer.

Sending me tough salary.

What.

Did you say, Myrtle?

You're not supposed to be here.

You're not supposed to say that about Uncle Charley.

Hi, Dodie.

Hi, Dodie.

If you want to throw the football, I'll go upstairs.

Well, you'll have a quiet day, Dodie.

I'm going to split.

My friend Larry's going to pick me up in a while.

Uncle Charley's in the kitchen smashing
something with a knife.

Oh, that's just his way of chopping celery.

Don't worry, Dodie.

And if that bothers you, you'd better not
ever watch him pound veal.

I'll see you later.

You'll see her.

Listen, Dodie, I've got a little time if
you want to play a game or something.

Does it have smashing and yelling in it?

No, something you want to play.

Hey, how about house?

House?

That's something you hate.

Oh, no, great.

What do we do?

Okay, I'm the mother, Myrtle's the baby,
and you're the grandfather.

Hi, Peter.

Chris, Milt, and you, Pfeiffer.

Boy, this is a first.

Huh?

I mean, I've never been a grandfather
before, and I've never burnt my own hand.

Stop flipping your eyes just on the floor, Grandpa.

I work like a dog around here.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Chip.

Yeah, Larry in here.

Dodie, my friend's here now.

Well, the baby has more air in his stomach.

Oh, yeah.

Now, there's a sight you don't see every day.

Oh, the baby's fine, Dodie.

I gotta go.

You're a real good house player, Chip.

Oh, thanks, Dodie.

We'll see you later.

You know, you ought to have some cards printed up.

Chip Douglas, Dauberberg.

Wise guy.

Mommy's leaving tomorrow, Merlin.

You have to stop worrying.

Steve, maybe I should stay home.

Charley, O'Casey say, woman who change
mind too often, often wears mind out.

Come in.

I just came in to tell you that you can relax
about Dodie staying here with me over the weekend.

Oh, thank you, Uncle Charley.

Now, uh, you two just have a good trip.

Thanks, Charley.

You see, you've got nothing to worry about.

Yeah, well, he'll watch her.

Like a hawk.

Of course, if I stayed home, I wouldn't be
taking advantage of Uncle Charley like that.

Come in.

Hi.

I just wanted to tell you to have a good
time tomorrow, and I'll watch after Dodie.

That's just what I was gonna tell you.

Oh, that's wonderful, boys.

Don't mention it.

Well, when you grow up like we've been
doing, you kind of notice stuff.

Have a good time.

Have fun.

Thanks, fellas.

Bye.

Well, with all that support, I'm foolish to worry.

I am definitely going.

You know, it's a funny thing.

The split second you decided positively to
go to Phoenix, I decided I might stay home.

Steve.

I'm kidding.

Come on, will you help me with this?

Can I leave now?

Leave?

I thought I told you to go and give Dodie some time.

Hi, Uncle Charley.

All she wants to do is play house.

Then play house.

Is this a put on?

Look, we promised the folks that we would
watch Dodie while they're out of town.

And you're going to help.

Well, how about if I do that?

Kitchen work and a cue play house.

Go on, move it.

Move it.

You know, this kind of pressure on
American youth is probably unconstitutional.

Go, go.

Dodie, it looks like I don't have to leave for a while.

Hey, Neat, I've got a new game I like.

Oh, great.

What is it?

Dress up.

Dress up?

Oh, well, I guess I'll stick with house.

Okay.

You're the father, I'm the mother, and Myrtle's the baby.

What do we do?

I put her to sleep, and you kiss her goodnight.

Oh, but why don't we let her stay up for a little while?

We'll be permissive parents.

Father, kiss her goodnight.

Mother, I can't kiss her goodnight.

I can't kiss our baby goodnight,
because she'll catch the cold I just caught.

See?

You have a nice father.

He doesn't want you to catch a cold or anything.

Right, Myrtle?

Have a good sleep.

Well, the kid's asleep.

Looks like the game's over.

Father, it's nighttime.

You should be asleep yourself.

It's nighttime?

Sure.

Oh, oh, sorry.

I didn't notice.

Why, the ding?

That's the alarm, Father.

It's morning.

Kiss the baby awake.

Listen, Mother, I forgot to tell you.

I've got a very important business meeting in Chicago.

You do?

Yeah.

All fathers take business trips.

So, well, goodbye.

Bye, Father.

You don't think he's ever coming back?

Me neither.

I don't think my mommy's coming back from Phoenix.

Barbara, while we're unpacking,
may I take the opportunity to tell you how

happy I am you finally decided to come to Phoenix with me.

Sort of touch and go there for a while.

Oh, Steve.

What?

I didn't pack this.

You didn't?

Dodie must have, so I wouldn't forget her.

Oh.

Well, she probably thinks Phoenix is a lot
farther away than it is.

See, maybe I ought to go home.

Why, nobody comes to Phoenix for five minutes.

I know, but maybe she's frightened.

Well, how many of you if she's frightened,
Uncle Charley and the boys will talk her out of it.

Uncle Charley may bluster a lot, but he
has a lot more common sense than you think.

I'll just bet Dodie has the weekend of her life.

Guy, I never heard a story like this.

I thought you'd like it.

You know, bedtime stories are my specialty.

They are?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, you just keep quiet and listen.

After the nine mad dogs chased the rotten
pirates over the cliff, this here sea serpent swam up.

Sea serpent?

Yeah.

Was he slimy and rotten?

Sure.

How else do you expect a sea serpent to be?

I think I ought to go to sleep or something.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

It's almost through.

This wizard saw the sea serpent.

Wizard?

Does he mean he's scary like a witch?

Worse.

I think Myrtle and me ought to go to sleep.

Now, how can you sleep if you don't know
the end of the story?

Yeah.

Now, this wizard and the sea serpent went
down to the beach.

And what do you think happened?

A fairy Princess came along and granted them three wishes?

Heck no.

The sea serpent ate the wizard and a
lighthouse and nine rowboats.

Well, that's it, honey.

Have a nice sleep.

Thank you.

Here.

Here.

Here.

Here.

You'd better stand away from the window a little bit.

Oh, I'm okay.

Hey, you think the ball has enough air in it?

Yeah, that's good enough for in the house.

Go out for a pass.

Say, didn't Dad say not to play football in the house?

Don't worry, Rob.

We won't hurt anything.

Go ahead.

Hey.

Almost got you there, Dodie.

Yeah.

Do you guys have to throw the football around in the house?

I wasn't asking.

She said it'd be easy.

Are you all right, honey?

I'm all right, but I think Myrtle's dead.

Go eat your sandwiches.

Come on, honey.

Here, I'll carry Myrtle.

There you go.

We said we were sorry.

Yeah.

I think we better play ball outside.

Hey, you guys, next time I make a sandwich
for myself, I'm going to put my initials on it.

You think she got dead?

Oh, I don't think so.

See?

I hate boys.

Oh, honey, you shouldn't hate boys,
especially your brothers.

All they do is bust stuff and yell junk
and knock little girls down and hurt Myrtle.

You know something, Dodie?

What?

Boys grow up to be daddies, and then they
take care of girls, and they protect them

from all sorts of things, just like your
new daddy does for you.

Only how come they're so rough and everything?

You know what boys say about girls?

What?

They say that girls are too sissy.

I'm not a sissy.

Too a boy you are.

You know, you'd rather wear pretty clothes
when you can, and you don't like to be

knocked down, and I bet you'd rather play
house than football.

Yeah.

Well, see, that's the way things are supposed to be.

Men are rough because it's sort of built in, and
girls are soft because that's the way men like them.

You mean it's never going to get better around here?

Not really.

But you'll get used to it.

And then one day, you'll wake up and find
that you wouldn't want it any other way.

Man.

And when you want a woman's world,
you can always come to your mother or me.

Did you hear that, Myrtle?

We gotta get used to it.

If Myrtle and me get smashed, are we
allowed to bleed on the rug?

Steve.

Oh, I love that I'm sleeping.

There, you see?

Mommy.

Hi, sweetheart.

Did you have a nice weekend?

Yes.

Men are supposed to be rough, but they
turn out to be daddies.

So that's okay.

Uh, what was that?

She's not quite awake.

Oh, yes, I am.

Uncle Charley told me a bedtime story
about an old, slimy, rotten sea serpent.

But that's okay, because I'm a sissy.

Good night.

Good night, darling.

What was she talking about?

I don't know.

I imagine if we could figure it out, she was trying
to tell us that things are getting better around here.