10x19 - Guest in the House

[bunniefuu]

My Three Sons, starring Fred McMurray,
and his Uncle Charley, William Demarest.

There,

you think that's enough shirts?

It's everything but the ties.

There we go, do it.

Dad, why don't you take the tie I gave you for Christmas?

Well, Ernie, I thought maybe that would be
a little too colorful for a business conference.

No.

Sure, Dad.

Everybody wears stuff like that these days.

Well, not in my group, Chip.

So dazzle them.

Why don't you go ahead, dazzle them.

Okay, I'll dazzle them.

And don't worry about the yard work, Dad.

We'll mow the lawn and everything.

Thanks, Chip.

Oh, is it okay for me to go off hiking at
Switzer's Camp with Howard and Keith Saturday?

Oh, sure.

But it's a rough trail.

It's easy to get lost.

Just be sure and Mark it.

Yeah.

And Dad, Howard's mom made him Mark his trail once with

colored pieces of paper, and
he got fined for litter bugging.

Well, just be sure you know where you are
at all times, that's all I mean.

Can I go bowling with Jim Fraser?

Yeah, just let Uncle Charley know where you are.

Oh, another thing.

We're having a class picnic at school,
and, uh... I thought that was next week.

It is.

But it won't hurt to get everything
straightened out before Dad leaves.

That's right, Ernie.

Now, I'll be calling from Houston, but if anything
should come up, Uncle Charley will be here.

But, of course, Barbara will be here.

I'll be here, too.

I'll take a dip.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, wait till you girls lay a lip on these date cookies.

Woo!

Mmm!

Delicious, Charley.

They're wonderful, as usual.

Uncle Charley, can I go over to Sally Cream's?

Hey, look, why don't you pay them people rent?

You were over there yesterday and the day before that.

So what?

So what is she, the Queen of Sheba?

No.

Oh, she looks okay after you get used to her.

Then what's the big attraction?

Well, she's a real brain and I've been studying with her.

Oh, well, never let it be said that I
stood between you and a brain.

Come on, cast off.

Now, how about if Howard Oren comes over
and spends the night?

Not a chance.

Well, do you want it to be said that you
stood between me and a friend?

On weeknights, yes.

Now, how about getting rid of some of that
junk in your room?

What junk?

Well, come on upstairs.

There's an I'll show you.

I can see Charley has everything well in hand.

Well, Charley runs a tight ship.

Oh, don't misunderstand me, dear.

It's just that it does seem as though
Charley makes all the decisions in your house.

It's his house, too.

He's been running it a long time.

Do the boys go to him for everything?

Well, I suppose so.

They grew up with Charley.

Well, I'm pleased to see it doesn't bother you.

That'd be foolish, wouldn't it?

Habits are hard to break.

You can't expect the boys to all of a
sudden think of me as their mother.

That wouldn't be natural.

I thought you weren't worried about those two tests today.

I'm not.

Just messing around with the little insurance.

You're two worse subjects and you're not worried?

Heck no.

When you cram with somebody like Sally
Crane, there's no problems.

Sally must be a very good student.

Man, yeah.

Straight.

It was nice of her to help you.

Well, she said she likes to have somebody to study with.

She's not too popular.

Why not?

It's just that she's such a brain.

She makes all the other kids feel super dumb.

And you don't feel super dumb?

Oh, I sure do.

But I just keep hoping some of her brains
will rub off on me.

Good luck on the test.

Thanks.

Hey, Sally, wait.

How'd you make out?

On the exam this morning.

I think I did okay.

Good.

I memorized all your notes.

Oh, Sally, Chip.

I'd like you both to report to me after school.

What about, Miss Henson?

We'll discuss that when we meet.

Yes, Mrs. Henson.

Sure, Mrs. Henson.

I wonder what she wants with us.

I don't know.

But if they can't discuss it in the hall,
it must be something rotten.

Is there more ironing every week,
or does it just seem that way?

Both.

Hi.

Hi, sweetheart.

How was school?

Billy got sent to the principal,
and Kim got glue in her hair.

Why was Billy sent to the principal?

Just for putting the glue in Kim's hair.

It figures.

Can I have some cookies, Uncle Charley?

May I?

May I, Uncle Charley?

Okay.

But leave some for Chip and Ernie.

They ought to be home any minute now.

Hi.

Hi.

Where's Chip?

I don't know.

I guess he got hung up at school.

Chip?

Are you all right?

Is there something I can do?

I see.

He's right here.

I'll get him.

Charlie, I'd like to talk to you.

Hello?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Anything wrong?

No, Chip just had to stay after school a
while for something.

I had a chance to go over this morning's
exam papers, and I must say I was surprised.

I know you've always been an A student,
Sally, so I expect good work from you.

But, Chip, your paper earned the highest
grade you've made this year.

Hey, that's great.

But I also noticed that your answers and
Sally's were remarkably similar.

Well, we can explain that, Mrs. Henson.

We've been studying together.

Yeah, every day.

Well, that would explain it in part.

But I found that on questions seven and ten,
that the wording of the answers was identical.

Well, I didn't want to take any chances,
so I memorized most of the notes we made.

You two do sit close together.

You don't think we cheated?

Teacher has to consider that possibility.

Honestly, Mrs. Henson, I didn't copy a thing from Sally.

Sally?

You really didn't.

I'm very glad to hear it.

Congratulations, Chip.

Your hard work showed.

Thanks.

Well,

you know how she is.

Forgot to leave me the keys to the beach house.

So, Barbara, are you listening to me?

Oh, yes.

Hi, Mrs. Vincent.

Hello, Ernie.

Oh, I'm going now, Uncle Charley.

Okay.

See you back before dark.

Okay.

Don't take this wrong, dear, but don't you
ever feel like a piece of furniture around here?

Mother.

The boys don't mean it.

They don't mean to slight me.

Going to Uncle Charley is a habit.

Well, you're absolutely right,
and I'm a meddling old busybody.

Well, I'll call you tomorrow, and maybe we
can go shopping together.

Mother.

Yes, dear?

How does a stepmother win the love and
respect of her new children?

You want them to come to you without being told to, right?

I suppose so.

I haven't the vaguest.

Notion.

And how that myth got started about mothers
knowing the answer to everything is beyond me.

You got some pictures here for us?

Yeah.

I drew five pictures, so I got to put away all the erasers.

Oh, nice.

Mmm.

What was it?

Good colors.

Yeah.

That's the house.

That's Uncle Charley yelling at tr*mp.

Oh.

Huh?

And what's this one?

That's Chip yelling at Ernie.

And this?

That's Robbie yelling at Katie and the three babies.

Honey, when did you ever hear us yelling at each other?

When the TV's loud.

That's the TV.

That's you yelling at Daddy.

Well, you try to make a psychological problem out
of everything, and you always land flat on your face.

The main thing is to remember the irregular verbs.

Isn't it about time you two took a break?

Yeah, it sure is.

Thanks, Barbara.

Thank you, Mrs. Douglas.

I hope I'm not putting you into any extra trouble.

Oh, no, not at all.

I think it's a good idea that you're studying together.

For a while, it didn't seem like such a good idea.

Why?

Oh, Mrs. Henson kept us after school and wanted
to know why some of our answers were exactly alike.

Well, were they exactly alike?

Well, sure.

I memorized Sally's notes.

Chip got the highest grade he's had all year.

Well, I think that's fine.

Well, Mrs. Henson thought we cheated.

You mean she accused you of cheating?

Well, not exactly, but she made us explain.

Well, she had to do that, Chip.

Just because she got a higher grade than usual?

Well, it's not just because he got a
higher grade than usual, Sally.

It's because the papers were so much alike.

Well, couldn't she have just given us the
benefit of the doubt?

No, she couldn't do that, Chip.

It's part of her job to see that the
grades are earned fairly.

She wasn't unpleasant, was she?

Oh, no.

We just had to explain, that's all.

Well, I think she handled it very well.

I'll get you some cookies to go with your hot chocolate.

She's your stepmother, isn't she?

Well, yeah.

Whose side is she on, anyway?

She's okay.

It's just that she's a schoolteacher, too.

Hi, where's Chip?

Oh, at school.

Is Uncle Charley here?

In person.

Where's Chip?

He's still at school.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

That's what I wanted to tell you about.

Okay.

What's the message from Gashi?

Well, he's not going to be home for a while.

He and Sally had a report to Terry the Terrible.

Terry the Terrible?

Mrs. Terry.

Toughest teacher in the territory.

How come?

I don't know.

But if she ever decides to give up
teaching, she'd make a great warden.

I mean, how come she wants to see Chip and Sally?

Chip didn't say.

Chip, you know why I wanted to see you, don't you?

Not really, Mrs. Terry.

Sally?

I don't know either.

Very well, then, I'll tell you.

On yesterday's exam, I found you two
missed parts A and C of question two,

made exactly the same mistake in answering
question six, and in the questions you did

answer correctly, your wording of the
answers were almost identical.

Are you saying we cheated?

Well, indications are you did.

Mrs. Terry, we can explain that.

I hope so.

Sally and I have been scutting together.

Mrs. Henson will tell you that.

I already talked to Mrs. Henson.

Didn't she explain it to you?

She told me what you had told her.

She believed us.

Oh, I am not questioning Mrs. Henson's judgment.

However, her opinions are her own and do
not necessarily coincide with mine.

Then you don't believe us?

I find it very hard to believe that a question would be
answered by two very different students word for word.

I didn't want to take any chances, so I memorized.

That's right, Mrs. Terry.

I see.

Well, I don't want to be unfair,
so I will take what you've told me under

consideration and will give you my decision later.

That's all for you, sweetheart.

Sleep.

I've seen enough TV.

Yeah, me too.

Myrtle and me are going to Washington.

That's our tea.

Myrtle and I.

I'll come with you and tuck you in.

I'll help her, Barbara.

I have to go up and study anyway.

Aaron, could you check on the babies while you're up there?

Okay.

Can you tell me a story, Ernie?

Sure.

I like that one about the green and purple monster.

Yeah, I like that one too.

That sounds like an Ernie original.

Guaranteed to keep her awake for a week.

I think it's wonderful that he wants to
tell her a story at all.

Maybe it's because it's fun to suddenly
have a mother and a baby sister.

You and Katie don't have to leave right
this minute, do you?

No, why?

Well, I've sort of got a problem I need some help with.

What is it?

Well, you know I've been studying with Sally Crane.

Isn't that that brainy one you told us about?

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's a good idea.

I thought so too, but now I'm not so sure.

Why?

Well, I memorized a lot of her notes, and now two
teachers have accused me of copying during tests.

Oh.

Chip, why don't you ask them to give you
some oral questions?

I don't think they'd go for that.

What do you think I ought to do, Rob?

Okay, you get into your pajamas,
and I'll do the old once upon a time.

No, sir.

I'm not changing my clothes in front of a boy.

Then I'm going to tell you a bedtime story.

I'll put myself to bed after this story.

Okay.

Well, just see.

See, there was this green and purple monster.

And he liked to eat people.

By the kind of they tasted so good.

Ernie, why do you wear glasses?

For a mere sight of it.

But people were hard to find.

Because the other monsters had eaten most of them.

Ernie, how come you wear your hair like that?

That's the way it grows.

Well, the green and purple monster was very, very hungry.

But all he could find was a little skinny kid.

Ernie, can I ride your bike someday?

Sure.

And they lived happily ever after.

What happened to the green and yellow monster?

The other monster ate him.

Oh, good night.

Good night.

Did you and Sally explain it to them?

Oh, sure.

Didn't they believe you?

One of them did.

That old Terry the Terrible.

I mean, Miss Terry.

She didn't.

What was her verdict?

She hasn't made up her mind yet.

I'm starting to get nervous.

What did Uncle Charley say?

I haven't told him yet.

He was so busy setting up his lodge meeting tonight.

You know how he hates to have that wrecked.

Yeah.

Well, Chip, until this Mrs. Terry makes up
her mind, there's nothing you can do.

I was afraid that was going to be the answer.

Hey, Hunter, we better get going.

Yeah.

You sure you don't mind sitting?

I think they'll sleep right through.

Oh, no, no.

I'm looking forward to it.

I'm meeting Sally at the library.

Can you guys drop me off?

Sure, come on.

Good night.

Good night.

What?

What, think you could get in trouble at school for
studying harder than you ever did in your whole life?

Steve, I'm really very upset over this whole situation.

Honey, these are the things that I'm going to have to do.

These things have a way of working
themselves out in the long run.

Charley will take care of it.

But I feel I should do something.

Well, just leave it to Charley.

He's been through these things a hundred times.

But I'm responsible for Chip, too.

After all, I am his mother.

Well, at least I'd like to be.

Well, sure you are.

But you're still kind of new at the job.

And since it's going to be permanent, you shouldn't
feel too unhappy about not helping this one time.

Well, with that kind of job security, I shouldn't be.

I shouldn't be unhappy about anything.

Mrs. Douglas?

Yes?

I'm Bill Crane.

I come to pick up Sally.

She isn't here.

What do you mean, she isn't here?

She said she was going to study with a Douglas kid.

Chip.

He met her at the library.

Oh, okay.

As long as I'm here, I might as well speak my piece.

Well, would you like to speak?

Sit down.

Oh, I can tell her from right here.

It's a pretty lousy school system when they let somebody
like your kid get my Sally in Dutch with the authorities.

Well, I don't agree with you on either point.

It is not a lousy school system.

And Chip did not get Sally in Dutch with anybody.

I don't know what you'd call it.

He copied her paper, didn't he?

No, he didn't.

Well, she sure had no reason to copy his.

Sally makes nothing but straight A's.

Well, as far as I know, it hasn't been
established that anybody copied anything.

Well, how come they were both called up on the carpet?

Because the papers were similar.

Under the circumstances, I don't feel
that's any cause for alarm.

Well, it better not be.

But I've got more important things to do than go
running up to that school because of some cheating kid.

Good night, Mr. Crane.

I just want you to know where I stand.

You've made your position perfectly clear.

Charlie.

Charlie.

If he blows this putt, he loses the match.

I thought you didn't like golf.

Only when I have to play it.

Uncle Charley.

He's, uh, he's watching golf on television.

I know, but...

Oh, that's pretty official-looking.

Is that from school?

Yeah.

He missed it.

Nine inches and the guy misses it.

That blows the tournament.

Uncle Charley, I had to bring this home from school.

What's this for?

Old Terry the Terrible.

I mean, Mrs. Terry thinks I cheated at school.

Cheated?

Chip!

You didn't cheat.

I know, but she thinks we did.

So she's giving Sally and me an F for the semester.

But that's unfair.

Can she do that?

She sure can.

Yeah.

Chip, why don't I go to school and have a talk with her?

That wouldn't do any good.

This takes a man's touch, Barbara.

I'm going over there and give that old
battle axe a piece of my mind.

Charlie, losing your temper never accomplished anything.

Chip, I'm a teacher.

I think I could help with a thing like this.

No.

Maybe.

We all agree that cheating is a very serious accusation.

It certainly is.

Not one to be made likely.

I assure you, Mrs. Douglas, I reserved my
decision until I was positive.

May I ask what proof you have, Mrs. Terry?

Well, the similarity of the papers
themselves and the proximity of the two desks.

Well, I believe the children explained that.

You did, didn't you?

We tried to.

We told it just the way it was.

Oh, naturally they denied cheating.

Well, Mrs. Terry.

Maybe they denied cheating because they aren't guilty.

Mrs. Douglas, I'm afraid my decision is irrevocable.

I see no point in discussing it any further.

Well, I do.

I will not have these children branded as liars
and cheats for something that they did not do.

Mrs. Douglas.

I have seen the extra effort that Sally and Chip
have made and I will not have them punished for it.

Mrs. Douglas, I... You know
that Sally is an excellent student.

She has no reason to cheat.

So what you're actually saying...
is that Chip is the guilty one.

Mrs. Douglas, I can't... I know Chip better than you do.

I know his values.

And I'm telling you, my son does not cheat.

Barbara, you up here?

Honey, why didn't you call me?

I would have come to the airport and picked you up.

Well, I thought I'd save you the trip.

I got a ride home with one of the fellas.

I can't tell you how glad I am to see you.

Well, I can't tell you how glad I am to be home.

What's been going on?

Well, I made a complete fool of myself.

Oh?

What happened?

I lost my self-control.

Oh, you did?

Remember that problem that Chip was having at school?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I should have handled it
differently, but I thought the whole thing

was so unfair that I went to school and yelled my head off.

You did?

Oh, honey, it wasn't funny.

I mean, right in front of the children, I pounded
on the desk and screamed like a fishwife.

Heaven only knows what the boys think of me now.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, fellas.

Oh, good to have you in here.

Well, come on.

Well, thank you.

Chip, I understand you had a little
problem at school while I was away.

Yeah, well, that's all straightened out now.

Oh, good.

For the first time in history,
old Terry the Terrible had to back down.

Well, that's because she never tangled
with anybody like Mom before.

Well, good night, and thanks again, Mom.

Oh, well, good night.

Now, you were saying something about
making a fool of yourself?

Oh, Steve.