03x18 - Honey Heist/Dog Mayor

[bunniefuu]

Ah, what a beautiful
country day.

And how can it not be,
with my best human friend

and my best dog friend
by my side?

Huh, in dog years
I'm 80 years old.

Yes, you are, Remy.

- Yes, you are.
- (growls and barks)

Phoenix! Stay with Daddy!

Kid, is your dog okay?

Oh, she's more than okay.

She's the best dog
in the ding-dang world!

(belches)

Yeah, I've seen better.

She ain't no Beans,
that's for sure.

Well, of course
she's not made of beans.

- She's a dog.
- WOMAN: Everyone, look!

It's the mayor!

- (all cheering)
- Thank you all kindly.

No one appreciates your support
more than Mayor Beans.

(barks)

The mayor is a dog?

As you all know,
I'm Ernie,

Beans's handler
and pooper scooper.

And we are both so happy
to see such a big turnout

for this year's
mayoral election.

- Isn't that right, Beans?
- (barks)

CROWD: Aw!

I always dreamed that one day,
dogs could rule.

MAILMAN:
Yeah, not just any dog.

In all my years
of running the elections,

Beans is the only dog to ever
be voted Mayor of Smalton.

Everybody just loves him.

Oh, if any dog deserves
all that love, it's Phoenix.

Wait, you run elections?
Aren't you the mailman?

Yup. I'm Frank,
Smalton's mailman, plumber,

mechanic, nail technician,
and election official.

Don't forget to vote.

Oh, yeah.
In Smalton, kids can vote.

Wow. Folks really like Beans.

I guess you could say that dog's
a popular paw-litician.

All right, folks,
voting will begin shortly.

I'd ask for your support,
but as always,

Beans is running unopposed.

Unopposed?

- (gasps)
- Who's a good mayor?

Wait! People of Smalton,

Beans is no longer
the only candidate in the race.

Meet your next mayor: Phoenix!

(yawns and whimpers)

TILLY:
Whoo-hoo!

Here it comes.
Hang on to your hat, Tilly.

BOTH:
Whoo!

- (squawking)
- (both laughing)

You feel that, shug?

It was as if my soul left
my body.

Whoa!

I don't find this pleasant.

What the heck?

Wait a minute.
This is Pothole Road.

It's been messed up since before
we moved to Big City.

I can't believe
it still isn't fixed.

You're telling me.
We hate this road.

It makes the triplets
motion-sick.

(all groaning)

That can't be good
for their development.

So why hasn't anybody
fixed it yet?

I don't know,
but it is what it is.

No choice but to live with it.

TRACY:
You're so wise, Trey.

Oh, we have a choice.

Tilly, how about we pause
this joyride,

because you and your mama
are about to fix a country road.

CRICKET:
Hear ye, hear ye.

This year, Beans isn't the only
choice for mayor.

Vote Phoenix!

You're gonna win by a landslide
when the voting starts.

Mwah.

I don't know, Cricket.
Is Phoenix impressive enough?

Just look at Beans'
repertoire of tricks.

Sit.

- Speak.
- (barks)

Roll over. Flip.

Toss the pizza dough.

Finger-paint.
File my taxes.

- Krizyatka.
- (barks)

- Oy!
- Oy!

Why can't you
be more like Beans?

Martha, I've tried.

(playing melody)

Citizens of Smalton.

Why waste your votes
on this okay dog,

when you could vote for the best
dog in the entire world?

The incredible Phoenix!

Roll over, Phoenix.
Come on!

Um... play dead?

Attagirl, Phoenix.

Does she know
any other tricks?

(scoffs)
Watch this.

Okay, Phoenix, you ready?

Fetch!

(panting)

Oh, no!
That stick's gonna hit my baby,

and there's nothing
I can do about it!

(cooing)

(all gasp)

(barks)

- WOMAN: Thank you, Mayor Beans!
- (chatter)

Aw, that was nice of Beans.

Fluffy little showoff.

(all, chanting)
Mayor Beans! Mayor Beans!

Big deal.

So Phoenix isn't squeaky clean

and can't do a bunch
of useless tricks.

She's still way better
than Beans!

Unfortunately, the town
just doesn't see Phoenix

- the way we do.
- Wait a minute, that's it!

The townsfolk just ain't got
the cognitive cog-nabilities

to understand
Phoenix's greatness.

But I've got a plan
that'll change their minds.

(snickers)

Whoo! There. All done.

Uh, Mama?

Wait, what?

(sighs) Looks like we got
our work cut out for us, Tilly.

Oh, give it up, Nance.
You can't fix this road.

There's too many holes--

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm not giving up yet.

Stinking road.

All these dumb old holes.

Is the state of this road
really that irksome to you?

I just can't let this go.

Call me crazy,
but when I see something wrong,

I got to try to make it right.

Laugh all you want,
Pothole Road,

but this is not over.

Oh, are we screaming
at the ground now?

Your days are numbered,
street crater!

If I have to fix
this all by myself,

then that's what I'll do.

So remember, a vote for Phoenix
is a vote for freedom.

Oh, there she goes!

And, cut. That's a wrap.

Oh, man, this political ad
is just what we need

to convince this town that
Phoenix deserves to be mayor.

Don't you, girl?
Yes, you deserve to be mayor.

Yes, you do.

Hey, Cricket?

Are you sure this ad
isn't a little misleading?

Remy, this is politics.
Lying is allowed.

Now, come on, let's get back to
the rally and change some minds.

All right, folks,
I think we've seen everything

our candidates
have to offer.

Time to cast your votes.

CRICKET:
Not so fast!

The Phoenix campaign

has something we'd like
to show you all.

Hit the lights.

MAN:
We're outside!

Okay, whatever.
Just play the video.

For some, being mayor is about
baby-kissing and hand-shaking.

But for Phoenix,
it's much more than that.

A dog with small-town values

and a big, big heart.

Vote Phoenix.

You may think
Phoenix is sleeping,

but she's just concentrating
on driving her tractor.

- Oh!
- Oh!

That weird, gross dog
is that way

because of how hard
she works.

Phoenix knows
all about hard work.

Unlike some dogs.

Guilty of snobbery!

Vote Phoenix.

Hello, sir, I've never met.

Why are you voting
for Phoenix?

(in Italian accent)
Because she save-a my life!

Thanks for the dog kidney, Phoenix.

(gasps)
Hey!

Vote Phoenix!

A pup for the people.

A courageous canine.

The mayor Smalton deserves.

Vote Phoenix.

- Huh?
- Huh?

A hard-working dog?

Who donated a kidney?

(all cheer)

I told you the ad would work.

Wow!

Now, that's a game-changer.

Time to vote for Phoenix--

I mean, uh,
time to cast your vote.

May the best dog... Phoenix.
...win!

(tittering)

Whew! Tough work.

How you holding up, Mama?

- (grunting)
- Mama?

Just a little sip.

- (loud rumble)
- Ow! My eyes!

- Mama!
- Huh?

Whoa! Oh!

(tires squeal)

- (horn honks)
- (panting)

(groans)

Thanks for saving me, shug.

Mama, I don't think
we should keep doing this.

It's just too much work.

(sighs)

You're right, Till.

I fooled myself into thinking

I could make a difference.

- But I can't.
- (car horn blurting)

- You're still here?
- I know, I know, Trey.

I couldn't fix the road.
You were right.

I'm always right.
That's why we came to help out.

Even brought the triplets.

(excited chatter)

You came to help?

Well, not just us.

Look at all these people.

Seeing you out here working
made us feel like

we wanted to join in.

Yeah, Nance.
You're a real, uh...

What's that word?

An inspiration.

- Uh, yeah. That.
- Wow.

Well, in that case,
let's get to work.

(all grunting)

With all the potholes filled,

this road's gonna need
a new name.

How about Nancy's Boot Road?

(all cheer)

Nancy's Boot Road.

(chuckles)

Smalton, your election results
are in.

Our new mayor is Phoenix!

(crowd cheers)

Oh, we did it, girl.

They all love you now.

(belches)

Congratulations.

It was a good,
honest election,

- and I just wanted to say--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Get out of here, has-been.
- Okey dokey.

People of Smalton,

allow me to say,
on behalf of Phoenix,

how humblified we are
by this honor.

Remy, hit play on Phoenix's
victory theme music, please.

I think I left my phone
plugged in at the podium.

Does this look convincing,
Remy?

Oh, no!
Phoenix must have hit play

on all the outtakes
from our ad!

What? Hurry, get your phone!

- (indistinct chatter)
- CRICKET: Remy, don't let her

lick off the fake scar makeup.

This is funny because she's
never worked a day in her life.

REMY: Isn't this ad
a little misleading?

Remy, this is politics.
Lying is allowed.

Lying is allowed.
Lying is allowed.

- Lying is allowed.
- Aah!

Lying is--

You think they saw that?

Lying is most definitely
not allowed!

So Mayor Phoenix
ain't even a hard worker?

Well, she ain't no Mayor Beans,
that's for sure!

You're a monster!

(all booing)

Fine! You caught us!

Sure, Beans is smarter,
more energetic,

and smells less wet
than Phoenix.

And that's why you love Beans.

But to me, Phoenix will always
be the best dog in town.

I guess I can't convince them
to see you the way I do.

But I don't care
what they think anymore

because I love you so much, Phoenix,

that nobody else has to.

Come here, girl!

(laughs)

ALL:
Aw.

Oh, you like
that heartwarming speech?

Do we still win?

- No!
- (all boo)

(angry shouting)

Well, the people
have spoken.

Run!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
By a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out
A big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
At seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪