04x07 - Family Tree/Unguarded

[bunniefuu]

Now this is what I call
an authentic medieval costume.

I'll say. Your mother bought it
from the history museum.

It's priceless, dear.

So wear a bib
if you're going to eat.

Vasquez!

[grunts]

A bib for Master Remy.

You look different.
Why aren't you wearing
your customary sweater vest?

I, Sir Remy Remington,

am attending
the community center's
annual medieval party.

We dress up how they did
in the olden times.

Then I must select
a costume at once.

I'm ready.

Oh, you don't need to come.

I'll be fine on my own.

You without a bodyguard?

Good one, Master Remy. [laughs]

Actually, we think he's earned
some independence.

- We're benching you, man.
Take the night off.
- You hear that, Vasquez?

[slowing]
I don't need you anymore!

[echoing]
...anymore. ...anymore.

[Rashida]
Oh, look, the Greens are here.

- Good morrow, Lord Remington.
- How fare ye?

[Vasquez] He doesn't need me?
He doesn't need me?

Well, I must be off.
My chariot awaits!

[Vasquez] Ah! Wait!

Master Remy... Oh!

[groans]

- Vasquez?
- Vasquez?

- Vasquez?
- [both] Vasquez?

[groans] What happened?

You had a panic attack.

Attack? Where? Who?

No, no, we're talking
about anxiety.

You got blitzed
by your own brain.

We thought you might want
somebody to talk to,

so we called
our mobile therapist.

Therapist?

- Good luck, buddy.
- Hope you feel better.

[sighs]

It's nice to meet you, Vasquez.

My name is Dr. Maya Bloom,

and this is a safe space
to be vulnerable.

- Hmph!
- Now,

what brings me in today?

The Remingtons are trying
to keep me from doing my job!

And I take it that wounded you?

Wounded?
Do I look like I'm bleeding?

Not on the outside, no.

But when we care about someone
and they hurt us,

we feel it in our hearts
just as deeply.

Don't you have someone
you care about?

Huh?

Master Remy.

I almost die at least once a day
trying to protect him.

He hangs with a well-meaning,
but very reckless country boy.

I see.

Now tell me,
how did you and Remy meet?

It was late one night,
many moons ago.

I was working
with my former brotherhood.

A group of mercenaries
called...

[all grunt]

...the Order of the Fang.

Wait, so you were a criminal?

Lady, is this
a safe space or not?

It is. Please continue.

[thieves panting]

[Vasquez] We heard
a Big City couple
were in possession

of our ancient scroll
of dark secrets.

They purchased it
from a natural history museum

to include
in their personal collection.

They are very wealthy.

The lost scroll!

Viper Fang, I found it.

Good work, Tiger Fang.

[Vasquez] Little did we know...

[door handle rattling]

...we were in for a surprise.

- [crying]
- Uh-oh.

Somebody's ready for bed.

They're back early.

Fangs, shadow formation.

Russ, why don't you grab
that ancient scroll Remy likes

from the gallery?

[Russell] Kid loves that thing
like a blankie.

There it is.

This thing is cool.

[hums]

[gasps] The scroll.

[whimpering and crying]

[Russell] Here you go, bud.

Our beautiful little nerd.

I love him so much.

Now's our chance.

Excellent.

[grunting]

Baby, you must give me
the scroll.

[straining]

[cries]

- Shh! Here! Here!
- [coos]

The baby's cries
will alert his parents.

No matter.
Take the baby as well.

Take him?

The first time I picked up
Master Remy,

- I knew.
- [cooing]

He was the most pure,
innocent being I had ever seen.

The true embodiment
of all things good.

- [Remy giggling]
- Huh? Come on, Tiger Fang.
What's the holdup?

I don't think
we should take him.

Why not?
The baby will love the Order.

And if it doesn't,
we'll throw it in the dungeon
until it does.

What? What are you doing?

I can't explain it,

but I feel in my heart
this baby must follow

a different path.

[coos and blows raspberry]

But, Tiger Fang. The scroll!

Forget the scroll.

I have always followed
the ways of the Order,

but this time,
I must do things my way.

I cannot let you
take the infant.

[gasps] The Master will be
most displeased
with your betrayal.

So be it!

[whistles] Well, boys.

Looks like
the objective's changed.

Eliminate Tiger Fang!

[grunting]

[growls]

[yells]

- [cooing]
- [blows landing]

- [grunts]
- Ah!

Come on, Tiger Fang.

You'd really throw
everything away
for this stinky baby?

- What's going on in here?
- [gasps]

[Rashida] They have Remy!

[toy squeaks]

Uh-oh.

[grunting]

Get back!

Huh?

No, no, no-- Whoa!

[giggles]

- [both gasp]
- He's good.

Here you go, little guy.

It's no use.

- Oh, no!
- Save our baby,
mysterious stranger!

The child is ours! [hisses]

No, he's not!

Ah! I'm lactose intolerant!

[all scream]

[Viper Fang]
This isn't over, Tiger Fang!

Hey, man, you know
how to kick some butt.

You saved our precious baby boy.

How can we ever repay you,
Mister...

The name is Tiger F--
Uh... Vasquez.

Well, Mr. Tigerfuhvasquez--

Can I just call you Vasquez?

- Mm.
- Cool.

Seeing how you expertly
protected our son
from all that danger,

we'd love to hire you
as a bodyguard.

I accept.

From this day onward,

I will be there for him. Always.

Master Remy was too young
to remember that night.

- But ever since then,
I kept my word.
- Whee!

[children laughing]

I was the barrier between him
and imminent danger.

- Hyah!
- [squawks]

He's never known life
without me by his side.

Hmm, that's true.
You've protected him,
taught him many things

and helped him grow.

Yes! You get it.

And now you're coming
to terms with that reality

that he's ready to go
and do some things on his own?

No! You don't get it.
He needs me.

I must protect him always.

- [watch beeps]
- [gasps] Oh, no.

Master Remy's sweat tracker.

His skin moisture level
went from clammy to glistening.

Master Remy's in danger.
I must go to him.

But our session isn't over.

Then we must go to him.

♪ Whisk, O thee merry ♪

♪ Thy feet, they be weary ♪

♪ For a cuda named Barry ♪

[hums]

My royal subjects,

your queen is not pleased
with having to wait in line

like some kind of basic pleb!

Why, greetings, Your Majesty.

As your lady-in-waiting,

it is my sacred duty
to wait in this line

for your red sugary beverage.

Prithee, away.

Thanks, Tilly.
I will prithee away.

It's a living.

Okayeth, Remy.

Getteth ready for a noodle
inneth your noggin.

I, the esteemed and chivalrous
Sir Remy Remington,

accept your challenge!

Now mount thine steed!

Vasquez, are you familiar
with the term
"helicopter parent"?

No! Come.

This way.

Master Remy?

Hmm.

Master Remy! Jousting?

Cricket?

It's going downeth!

[gasps] Nobody told me
he'd be competing

in a dangerous sporting event.

[growls]

[laughing]

I will protect you, Master Remy,

from any harm
that shall befall you.

No matter what.

No matter what!

Vasquez, let's think about this.

[both yelling excitedly]

[gasps] No!

I could have saved him! [sobs]

Focus, Vasquez.
You're close to a breakthrough.

I'll break through anything
to protect Master Remy.

Starting with this glass!

Hold on. Look at Remy.

Does he really look like
the helpless boy

you saved from danger
so long ago?

Huh?

[groaning]

[laughs] Hark!

Let us continue in our revelry!

So it's true.

Master Remy
really doesn't need me anymore.

- [sobs]
- [party favors blowing]

Exactly.

Congratulations, Mr. Vasquez.

[whimpering]
This is a good thing?

Well, it certainly
is a natural thing.

Relationships
can grow and change.

Even bodyguarding ones.

- [watch beeps]
- Oop!

Well, looks like our time is up.

- Goodbye, Vasquez.
- Huh?

- [gasps] Huh?
- If you'd like to chat again,
you have my card.

Wait! Wait! I don't understand.

What do I do now?

Oh, please, after thee.

And after thee. Oh, after thee.

I am the lady-in-waiting.

[sighs] 'Tis bliss.

Sir Vasquez!

Thou should've seeneth it!

I, Sir Remy,
'twere master of the joust!

Sure, Cricket had lanced me
a few times,

but that hath made it
all the more jovial.

Whateth can I sayeth?

I'm very glad
you had a good time

all on your own, Master Remy.

You didn't need me after all.

I did miss you, though.

I still want you around,

even if I don't need you.

Really?

I understand now.

I don't need to protect you
all the time,

but that doesn't mean
I'm gonna lose you.

Of course not!

You may not always
be my bodyguard,

but you'll always
be my buddyguard.

[laughs] Oh!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet
Got bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
In seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪